Matrimony & Money Podcast

Money Dates That Don’t Suck: Stop Fights & Make Them Fun | Matrimony & Money Ep. 5

• Sherman Merricks • Season 2 • Episode 5

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In this episode, Sherman and Crristina get real about one of the most dreaded (yet powerful) habits in marriage: the Money Date.

If money talks in your relationship often feel like a vibe killer, spark arguments, or leave you both stressed, you’re not alone. The couple shares exactly why these conversations go wrong and how to completely transform them into fun, productive, and even romantic check-ins that actually move you closer to financial freedom.

From setting the right mood (goodbye Chili’s!), asking the tough but eye-opening questions, using the debt snowball method for quick wins, and turning it into a family affair, Sherman and Cristina give you a practical framework they used while paying off massive debt. Cristina also shares why these meetings used to drain her and how they’ve improved their communication and marriage.

You’ll walk away with actionable steps, including how to end every Money Date with clear goals and the next one already on the calendar.

Key Topics:

  • Why most money dates fail and how to make them enjoyable
  • Powerful questions that reduce stress and build alignment
  • Debt Snowball vs Avalanche – why motivation beats math
  • Involving the kids and making it a team effort
  • Their upcoming rebrand and what’s next for Matrimony & Money

Whether you’re deep in debt or building wealth, this episode will help you turn monthly money meetings into one of the strongest parts of your marriage.

🎧 Download our free Money Date Guide in the show notes and schedule your next one this week!

Submit your questions: matrimonyandmoney@gmail.com
Website: www.matrimonymoney.com

FREE RESOURCE:
The Couples Money Date Guide — the exact step-by-step conversation format Sherman and Cristina used before paying off $203K. Download free at the link below.
matrimonymoney.com/links 

CONNECT WITH US:
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Facebook: Matrimony & Money 

Apple Podcasts: Search "Matrimony and Money"
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As seen on The Dave Ramsey Show · Fox News · Fox Business

SPEAKER_02

This meeting isn't this super structured formal thing that shouldn't be stressful. It should be fun. You should talk about it. It should be an update when you do it every month.

SPEAKER_01

You think it's fun when you talk about no, I gotta work, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. It's not like oh yay, I can't wait for this meeting on Tuesday night. That's romantic to you. Hey, it's never gonna end is a vibe killer for me. So we're at a nice restaurant. We're talking about money and debt, but when we broke down the numbers, it was like, wait, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely do you not?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_02

These money means are gonna change your life.

SPEAKER_00

Alright. This is the Matrimony and Money Podcast.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, guys, here we go. Another episode of Matrimony and Money with Sherman and Christina. Um guys, we're excited about today because we're gonna, one, we're gonna talk about those money talks and why they always seem to end up in a fight. And how you can get through that, over it, no more fights, right? No one likes fighting. I don't like fighting. I guess some people like fight. Do you like fighting? Kind of weird.

SPEAKER_01

Um not like that.

SPEAKER_02

Oh and then I'm gonna talk about sort of some rebranding stuff that we're doing. We're excited about it. Uh, this has actually been Christina's idea for a long time, but I really wasn't feeling it. And then we got some outside help and they're like, Always.

SPEAKER_01

We get outside help, somebody else says it's a good idea, and then it becomes a great idea.

SPEAKER_02

I sort of agree with Christina, so I guess we're gonna make it happen. Because here's the thing, guys, at the end of the day, we want to help families, couples, you know. We'll even, you know, if this would help some singles, we want to see people thrive, you know, specifically in their money, but especially for those couples, right? So let's jump sort of right into it. Um when you are first sitting down to talk about this money thing to go on this money date, right? Because there are resources out there for you guys. We have resources, free resources, right? We're not selling anything. Free resources so that when you guys sit down and talk about this, it's easy, right? Yeah, so I would say the first thing that you do when you sit out, right? You actually set the mood for a date, right? Now I would say it'll be kind of hard if you go to like a nice restaurant or something, just because you're actually gonna have to write numbers down and stuff. I guess. They're coming out when you're trying to write, put the food.

SPEAKER_01

I guess like chilies is different than Chili's. Like going to like a restaurant that's busy, like oh yeah, you know, that has a lot of um just chilies came to mind. I'm thinking Archer Oak. But some place that's busy like chilies would be different than some place that's more intimate and um and quiet. Yeah, so so it just depends on your environment.

SPEAKER_02

I guess yeah, so try to find a nice, quiet environment, right? It doesn't have to be dead quiet, but it needs to be quiet environment, right?

SPEAKER_01

You can't go to chili's and I haven't even been there in like what 15 years. I don't know. I don't know people know.

SPEAKER_02

But it's hard when, you know, tons of noise, because you need to be focused on this guy. You know, like you really do have to be focused because this little 30-minute date conversation is going to set the tone moving forward, right? And again, I want to be clear this isn't a one-time thing for you guys that are wired like me, guys and girls that are wired like me. This isn't a one-time thing. We get to get this at least every month, right? If we can get into this, get into that habit, that'll be good. You know, if you have two people that are into it, you can have a you can have a money day every week, but um, at least once a month. So, you know, I have I have some stuff I want to go over because I want to be intentional about this, right? Um, so here's the thing I would say that you want to make sure you're really focused, right? No, no cell phones, nothing like that. Um put it on airplane mode because you may need to get some of the numbers from your phone. But really, you don't want to be distracted while you're going through this. And I would say when you really get started, I would ask That's impossible for me.

SPEAKER_01

Well, the kids. The kids are fine. No, they're not.

SPEAKER_02

Kids are fine. We have a 17th, getting ready to be 18.

SPEAKER_01

I know, but I'm talking about like when we were doing this, it was just yeah, yeah, yeah, correct. Well, when they're young, I would be the one to have the no notifications on because if you had your notifications on, you would be like checking it 24-7.

SPEAKER_02

But you can get a sitter.

SPEAKER_01

It's okay.

SPEAKER_02

So when the sit the sitter doesn't, nothing's happening to the kids. Um, okay, let's get back on track, guys. Let's let's stay focused. Okay, fuck it. Fuck it, alright? All right. That sounds like you're saying about so no, we don't say bad words on YouTube or podcasting.

SPEAKER_01

No, but that's what it sounded like. You're trying to make fun of my accent sometimes.

SPEAKER_02

Here's the thing. You want to ask your spouse like this. Both of you guys want to ask each other, you know, on a scale of one to ten, how stressed does this debt make you, right? Because you'll be surprised, right? It may not stress your spouse out that much. It may just be something on their mind, or it may stress your spouse out a ton, and they never really even talking about it. Because again, most people don't even talk about money. So when you talk to them and ask them, Oh, on a scale of one ten, how uh how much does this stress you out? And they say a ten or a nine, you'll probably be you know a little surprised. But that's a huge red flag because now you know, hey, we need to really do something to get rid of this because I didn't know my my spouse, my significant other was carrying around this type of stress quietly.

SPEAKER_01

Um sometimes you can tell, but yeah. Numbers are important.

SPEAKER_02

Um, and then you know, after you ask that question, let's just say they said nine, or you know it's you know through the roof or into it, doesn't matter. Then the next question you want to say, okay, so tell me this. Christina C-R-I-S-T-I-N-A.

SPEAKER_01

You don't want her calling that. It's weird.

SPEAKER_02

How would it feel to be completely debt free? And see, I remember for us, that was a big deal for me. Um, and if I'm being totally honest, I couldn't totally wrap my head around the hundred and whatever, $90,000 a student loan just being totally gone. I I would say, oh yeah, it'd feel great, but I really understand that it was possible just because it seemed like such a large number.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know? Um, so that's a big question. Like, what would it feel like? Because I at times I believe, especially, you know, in a marriage in the debt-free community, everyone gets so stuck on the thing you have to do. We have to get rid of this debt, we have to, you know, do this. But what happens when you get there? You know, as you know, like I like the destination. It's fun, but like the journey to get there is really the cool part, right? Because you're gonna change a ton as you're going through these things, doing this. So I believe that that's also a very important question. Um, do you can you remember if you can, it's fine. Do you remember when we sort of first did this when I was like, you know, what do you think it would feel like to not have any debt? Do you know?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I felt like it would be liberating for me to not have to worry about him being so stressed out because although you do handle stress very well um and disappointment really well, you also I as your wife I can sense it. Yeah, and I know like you're driving and grinding just to you know uh chip away at this. So I know how much it was stressing you. I know how hard you were working and trying to make um more money, or you know, just the stressors of uh like working more, spending more time out on the field, doing more things, learning more things. I mean, it was just a like, especially when you're an entrepreneur, the grind never ends. It just keeps going and going. Um, so 24-7. 24-7. And because you know it's gonna continue going, you can either have a good attitude about it and make it fun, or you can just let it be a burden and just uh put your head down and never look up. So I think for you, I I was ready for you not to struggle with that balance anymore of having to grind, grind, grind, but then um, you know, getting it done, like chipping away at it, but still living because Sherman's an extremist. Sherman's the type that will put his um mind to something and he will drill it and not give up, and then it's it's just a burden until it's done. Um, and he's okay with that. I'm not. I'm okay with that. I like the pro I like to live happy in the process and to be peaceful and to enjoy the process. Um, you know, maybe grind and then take a break and then do some fun and then continue working. And, you know, so I mean, it's just about the violence. I so for me, it would have been liberating not to see you so stressed out anymore. Yeah. Because I don't feel like I carried that burden as much. Um, like we each had our roles, like we discussed last time. And as long as I completed my role and helped and did all I could do to help him out, um that was enough for me.

SPEAKER_02

And it's funny you say that. Um, just talking to someone this morning about that. Yeah, like I'm one of those, again, everyone's not wired like me. Everyone's not, you know, you're probably gonna be wired differently from your spouse. I'm one of those, once I see I'm gonna do it, I can put my head down for whatever amount of time it takes to get the job done, right? I will live in misery for however long.

SPEAKER_01

If you have a goal inside. Correct.

SPEAKER_02

If I have a goal. If there's an end, correct. If there's a there has to be an end to it. Right. So for me, like it's just okay, we have to do the thing, right? Again, when we first started this thing, it was it's gonna take five years. I'm okay with that. Five years, it'll be worth it. Um, and then we'll be past it and never have to deal with it again.

SPEAKER_01

But to see you react when life would happen, like a kid would get a concussion, or you know, just something unexpected would happen. Oh man.

SPEAKER_02

They're messing up the plan.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You can't get hurt right now. Like you can't get sick right now.

SPEAKER_01

Or or it or like for us, it was always like, I'm pregnant, or what or give you the stick. It's like, I'm trying to grab you. Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02

Messing up the plan. Yes. Trying to get everything.

SPEAKER_01

But thankfully for us, all of our pregnancies were you reacted very well to each and outside.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, absolutely. But I can feel like the definition of stress.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02

Everyone get it. If you have kids, you get it. You know, even if you plan for them, is life just changes when you have these kids.

SPEAKER_01

It's so true.

SPEAKER_02

Um, but so let's jump back into it. Let's talk about this. So, now again, like I was saying, when you're at this date, you need to come in to the date with the numbers. One of you guys, whoever is the numbers person, you need to come into it with the numbers. If you need to get the numbers from your spouse, your significant other beforehand, that's fine. Because I'm a huge fan of the snowball method, right? There's sort of two methods out there that the snowball method and the avalanche method, right? Um, I personally, I'm only gonna talk about the snowball. That's the one that I like. Um, just because, again, I need goals, right? I need goals. So the snowball method, you know, you have all of your debts listed out from smallest to largest, and you attack each one, right? Right. I'm not gonna get into great detail, but each time that you pay one off, the money that you were putting towards a smaller one goes to the bigger one, and it just sort of snowballs. When you get toward the end, you're making these big payments, and it like it feels great. Like I remember that it felt great. Um, but you need to make sure that you have a plan, whether you're doing a snowball or the avalanche, because you know, everyone talks about the math, right? Oh, well, the avalanche makes it better because of the interest rate, blah, blah, blah. Well, to me, that's neither here nor there, because if it was really about the math, you wouldn't be in debt in the first place. So it's not really about the math for me. Like, once you're there, man, do something that's gonna sort of keep you motivated. You need some wins. Um, because it can but it can get burdensome. It can get burdensome and heavy at times, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01

And you need and you want to give up a lot. Like you're just like, oh, this is never gonna happen, especially if your income is not changing. Um, so it's hard to stay disciplined. But once you have it written out and you both agreed upon it, and then also you include your kids on it, like we did.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, then it's important. It has to be a good thing.

SPEAKER_01

There's a lot more accountability, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It has to be a family, it has to be a family affair, right? Sort of like, you know, if someone in the house is trying to eat healthier, well, it's extremely difficult for that person to eat healthy if everyone has to be.

SPEAKER_01

It's like when the kids hate when you go on a diet because they're like, oh no, mom, you're going on a diet or you're doing this nutrition program, and then they're like, that means we're all gonna do the nutrition program. Because honestly, I'm the cook. We help each other cook, and what we have to eat is what you have to eat.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we're not uh so and nothing against if you do this, but we're not one of those families, we're not cooking multiple meals in a night, right?

SPEAKER_01

I remember I tried that one time.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no. Uh either eat or you don't.

SPEAKER_01

Or you can help and pitch in and cook what you want.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, uh, because it just makes it easier. But like I'm saying, like if this thing is a family affair, right? It just goes quicker, it's just better. Everyone's on the page, so it's not like, oh, this person's doing this making it hard on everyone. Everyone's on pay uh on the same page, so that like that really helps. Right. Um and again, like guys, this this meeting isn't like a the super structured formal thing that shouldn't be stressful. It should be fun. You should talk about it, it should be an update when you do it every month.

SPEAKER_01

You think it's fun when you talk about absolutely do you not? No.

SPEAKER_02

I love it.

SPEAKER_01

I like it. Maybe you were just so caught up in I I guess when you like cross out debt, it's fine. It's just like, yay, we did it. But I mean, for for those of us like me, for those of you like me, it's not always gonna be fun. It's one of those things you're gonna have to like like there was always a reward. Like, can we have dessert after we finish this horrific meeting? Um, but you're right. If it was up to you, you would do it every week, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

And and not even every week. I mean, every other day, you'll talk about finances no matter what. And to me, it's just cringe.

SPEAKER_02

But here's the thing though. So, like, even like the reason I said I enjoy it, just like paying off the debt, but it's the same thing now with like investing, right? I still get to look at the numbers and okay, we're gonna invest this month, this month, we're gonna invest here.

SPEAKER_01

And that's fun for you.

SPEAKER_02

Correct, because I get to see what it's gonna look like in 15, 20 years, what that money's gonna look like. Yeah, and that's exciting to me.

SPEAKER_01

That's so good for you.

SPEAKER_02

So so it may not be exciting to everyone. So, you know, uh, we'll start a group for us that are white like me, so we just geek out all well.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, it is like I just don't like I mean, there's other there's better things I can think of of doing with my tongue. But no, that's good.

SPEAKER_02

Until we're 65 and can't retire.

SPEAKER_01

That's true. That's very sad. That's a very sad thing. But I don't know. I yes, there is satisfaction. He geeks out over it. I'm more like, you know, it's good, let's work at it, let's do it. It's not like I'm not on board. I'm not trying my hardest to. I'm just saying, like, it's not like I'm like, oh yay, I can't wait for this meeting on Tuesday night. I mean, it's a vibe killer for me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So we're at like a nice restaurant. We're talking about money and debt.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you shouldn't be at a nice restaurant if you're oh yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe I got a gift card for my birthday and we're there.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um that's romantic to you. And again, talking about, oh we got $30,000 left. Yeah, well, hey, one day it's never gonna end.

SPEAKER_02

One day it'll be $0,000. So I know, I I agree.

SPEAKER_01

I agree. I just I have a different perspective on how I remember feeling.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, when we were done with it and you're like, okay, that's what we're doing, and we had a plan. That's when my elation came. I'm like, yes, we can do it, but can we not talk about this for another week? I just don't even want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02

And that sort of brings me to my next point, guys. At the end of each meeting, you need to make sure that you are having actionable goals. You know, well, and again, it could be some, it's hey, we're gonna cancel two subscriptions that we aren't using. Uh we're gonna get rid of, we're actually gonna shut down that credit card. Oh, whatever the actionable things are, it needs to be action being taken, taken every single time because you know, I'm not anti-meeting, but I'm anti-meeting because most meetings can be handled like quickly, and you can just get stuff done. So these meetings, is you or your spouse, so it's a date, right? It's a date flash meeting, but there needs to be actionable steps that you're being held responsible for so that when you meet next week or next month, however you decide to do it, things are getting crossed off the list.

SPEAKER_01

And I think it's important too that if you have to go an extra step, like you don't know what to do. You want to call, you know, friends that you know are good at this, like financial advisors or whatever. What whoever you have to meet with to get the ball rolling. Like I remember, do you remember our first meeting with the Ferraris? Yep. So our first meeting with a set of precious friends that I love forever because they were just like, this is how we feel you should do it. You don't have to do it. You can pray about it, but at the end of the day, we think it's wisdom. And then we started getting into it, and it was like, get rid of your cars, get rid of this, get rid of that. And we're like, so we're sleeping on the floor, is what you're saying, and we are working off. And I loved it because what she did is she broke down how much money, like for me to go back to work, how much money that was gonna be a month or in per hour.

SPEAKER_02

The child care.

SPEAKER_01

In child after you like did that child care gas, and it was so eye-opening. And I'm like, wait a minute. So I'm gonna go put my kids in this situation and not be with them for like, what was it, less than $2 an hour at the end of the day? How can I make up those $2 an hour and keep my kids or stay home? Like it just it's better for me when you first start rolling to meet with a couple or with someone that can help you kind of decide, make the big decisions on which car to get rid of, uh, how you know what your budget needs to look like for gas weekly based on what you earn, stuff like that. And that was helpful for me because I'm just like, no, I gotta work, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. But when we broke down the numbers, it was like, wait, what am I doing? I can do this, I can make money or save this amount of money and not spend it. Does that make any sense?

SPEAKER_02

No, that no, that makes no that makes total sense.

SPEAKER_01

For me, that was an exciting meeting because I'm just like, I thought I was gonna do something one way and I didn't know any other way was possible. And then you start really dissecting it and getting other viewpoints, and you're like, wait, this can be possible, this can be possible.

SPEAKER_02

And then here's the thing, everyone doesn't have people that they feel comfortable. So you don't like you don't necessarily resource. Yeah, you may yeah, you may you don't necessarily need to meet someone and share them your numbers and stuff like that. But we'll have the free guide in the show notes for you, but but like you have to sit down and like really take this seriously.

SPEAKER_01

And I meant like for big life decisions, like us getting rid of the car, or like some of our friends are moving because they want to save money and pay off debt, and they're downsizing big time just to pay off bigger chunks. I mean, that there's wisdom in counsel, right? Like there's where two or three are gathered type of thing. So sometimes you do have to like humble yourself and say, but I'm I'm talking more about like the big life decisions, me going back to work, us selling our car, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, for sure. Um, and you know, again, like I was saying, once you make those commitments for the next meeting, before you guys give up and leave, you need to make sure that you have another meeting on the calendar. That's important, right? Pull out your phones, make another meeting, set the date so that nothing jumps up. If you say, Oh, we'll deal with that, then something's gonna pop up. Definitely gonna have to be able to correct. Don't do it, don't let them get out of it, guys. You're like me, we set those meetings like clockwork. Before we get up, look at this calendar, bam, that is blocked out. We're not missing it. Um, because like with anything, it's easier for life to get busy, you know, if you have family, kids, all of that stuff. So you want to make sure that you're setting each meeting um before you leave, right? So before you leave that meeting, you have the next one set. Because it's gonna be really important. Um, because these money meetings are gonna change your life.

SPEAKER_01

They gotta change it's the truth. Because I it's a truth. It is a truth. Because here's the thing, I don't think I just don't like talking about negative things.

SPEAKER_02

It's not negative, it's bad words. No, it's positive. Uh I don't think, you know, like we're gonna have to do that.

SPEAKER_01

Like it's like a damper. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

We're gonna have to do a better job. I agree. We do need to do a better job of talking about and sharing life after death, right? I think we do need to, you know, we're gonna we're gonna do a better thing.

SPEAKER_01

I'm trying to remember those days, and I just remember being so anxious, and I'm just like, I know what we gotta do. I'll do it. I'm staying in the course. I got my budget sheet and I got my little Excel sheet, and I'm deducting every time I go to the grocery store, I run home, open up my sheet, deduct. You know, I'm doing the things, but I don't want to keep talking about it. Where you can talk about it all day, every day. For me, it brings me sadness.

SPEAKER_02

It's just it brings me joy getting closer.

SPEAKER_01

Like, oh gosh. I guess when you start like uh like I don't know, like tearing that pile down.

SPEAKER_02

I guess there is some excitement in there. What is it's like chopping wood? I've never chopped wood, but I imagine like chopping wood is better than whatever.

SPEAKER_01

Chipping away.

SPEAKER_02

Um but uh but yeah, guys, so this we're gonna talk about this Monday day. Again, this Monday day we're gonna give you we have a free guide. It'll be in the show notes, it'll be on our website, right? Um www.matrimonymoney.com, right? Um so that sort of brings us to the next piece. Let's sort of talk about the rebrand, how you know, just thank you, Abby Sakretz. So we just gotta change it up a little bit, right? Um, as you guys know, we've been, you know, the sort of no debt life for the longest um with the matrimony and money podcast. But I think well not I think I know we're gonna change the branding and just the way we talk about position and everything. It's gonna be matrimony and money. Because really what we talk about. We talk about matrimony or marriage, talk about money, and it's a bigger umbrella. It's a big umbrella, and we get really Under money, there's death. And we yes, and we really get to share more of what we love, right? That could be a lot of people know, you know, you may not know that we homeschool our kids. I'm an entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_01

We just want you to get to know us.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I work from home. Right. Um, Christina stays at home with the kids, obviously, she homeschools them. Um so there's just a lot that goes on, and we just want there's a lot of layers to us, it's complicated. Correct. So we just want to share more of that.

SPEAKER_00

All right. Thank you for listening to the Matrimony and Money Podcast. We hope you enjoy. And of course, feel free to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review. Now, to be a part of the show and get your financial and marriage questions answered, send your emails to matrimonyandmoney at gmail.com. That's matrimony and money at gmail.com. Until next time, we bless you with a thriving marriage and the ability to build generational wealth. Oh yeah.