Financial Infidelity: When Your Spouse Is Lying About Money

Quick Summary

Sherman and Christina talk openly about financial infidelity — hiding spending, secret purchases, or not being fully honest about money in marriage. They share real stories from their own 21-year marriage and give practical steps to fix it.

Key Stories

• Sherman surprised Christina with a Mexico trip using a car accident settlement instead of paying debt. She was upset at first, but it became their favorite vacation and started their love for travel.
• Christina admits to impulse buys on sale items and hiding packages. They both laugh about it but stress it’s not okay if it breaks trust.

Main Points

• Marriage means becoming one — combine all money into one account. No separate accounts or “my money / your money.”
• Financial infidelity usually comes from shame, fear of arguments, or pride — not always bad intent.
• Men often need accountability. Women sometimes hide buys because they don’t want to ask or feel controlled.
• Hiding spending hurts trust and keeps couples stressed.

3 Action Steps This Week

1. Full Disclosure Talk — Sit down and tell your spouse everything you’ve been hiding (secret accounts, extra spending, etc.). Wipe the slate clean.
2. Set a Budget + Spending Rules — Create a budget together. Agree on a dollar amount where you must talk first (example: anything over $500).
3. Weekly Money Meetings — Schedule regular check-ins. Talk about money, then go on a date after if you can.

Hosts’ Tip

Put a set amount into a “fun/spending” sub-account for gifts and personal buys so there’s no sneaking, but everything stays visible.

FREE RESOURCE:
The Couples Money Date Guide — the exact step-by-step conversation format Sherman and Cristina used before paying off $203K. Download free at the link below.
matrimonymoney.com/links 

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As seen on The Dave Ramsey Show · Fox News · Fox Business

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Two married people, you should be combining all of that money in one account, right? That's where it goes. I don't care what they try to tell you. Like, I really don't. Like, it's annoying to me when two married folks have separate accounts, money going here, I'm paying the light bill, we're going half on the mortgage. Guys, stop that. Like that, like that's a freaking partnership. That's not a marriage. It should be the money's coming into one account. Now, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

I don't make you so angry.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Because it just you don't do when you two become one, that's in everything. Alright, guys, here we go. Another episode of Matrimony and Money. I'm Sherman with my co-host Christina. Uh, we're excited. We're excited to jump into it this week, guys. Uh, we had a lot of feedback from last week. Um, so it's good to see that people are actually listening. Because, you know, when you do this, you're just talking to the camera and you put it out there for the world to see, and you hope that it adds value. But it seems that way, so we're excited. Um guys, this week we're gonna be talking about, you know, sort of a serious topic, but we're gonna have a little fun with it. Um, and it's something that I call financial infidelity. Right? Let's sort of talk about it, right? Let's just let's sort of talk about what financial infidelity is, right? I know that, you know, we hear, you've heard before, maybe you do it. Tiss tiss if you do.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

Um oh, you know, we've all done it.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I've never, zero. I've never that's a lie.

SPEAKER_05 1:48

That's a lie.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Well, we gotta explain what financial infidelity is. So financial infidelity is like, oh, like I'm just gonna buy this out of an account that this person doesn't know about, or I'm going to, you know, overspend on this thing, even though we've agreed to a budget of X amount. I'm gonna spend Y because they're really not gonna notice. It's not a big deal. Um things of that nature. Just not being totally transparent and honest when it comes to the finances, right? To me, that's a big deal, personally. Um because I believe that just I just don't like that word infidelity. It's not um it is provocative. And the people like it.

SPEAKER_04 2:31

It is, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:32

I mean, I've heard pl listen, don't kill me, ladies, but I heard plenty of women say, oh yeah, like he'll never know. Like, that's or that's coming out of my account that he doesn't know about.

SPEAKER_05 2:40

I don't want to put your business out there, uh, but like do you remember that one time when you got in the accident? And then I was like, oh, we're gonna pay off debt with that, and then we went on our 10-year anniversary. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Let's dive into that. Let's dive into it. Yeah. When you upgraded my okay, guys.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

I was very upset about, by the way, because I had goals.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

So we're gonna go on a tangent. We're starting off, we're gonna go on a tangent.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

So is that allowed?

SPEAKER_00 3:09

This was this was years ago. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

I'm all about truth.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

10-year anniversary. Yeah, but we're going on 21.

SPEAKER_05 3:16

So this is uh We're gonna be married 21 years.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

So it was 11 years ago. 11 years ago, we were at the gym. Um, I got into an accident. I got into an accident. I got rear-ended by another car, you know, blah, blah, blah. Had to go had to ride an ambulance, had to ride in the ambulance, had riding the ambulance. It was serious. Um, you have a serious accident. Long story short, um, we end up getting a little settled, settlement or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 3:40

No idea. We were getting this. Yeah, we didn't get to. No idea.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

It sort of just happened. I remember Sharon's coming and asked all these questions. Time goes by, we get a check. We're like, why? Um, the check wasn't a ton, it was a couple thousand, a few thousand dollars. But nevertheless, we got this check. So now we're 10 years into marriage. We're grinding.

SPEAKER_04 3:59

I'm managing the finances, couponing, still managing the finances.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

We're grinding, huffling. Guys, I'm tired. This is early in the because I was actually going to um the gymnastics place that we used to rent. So it was early in the process. I'm going there.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

I was working you were competing for regionals.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Like, I was working long days to 6 a.m. to 9 p.m.

SPEAKER_05 4:22

So hard.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Not making a lot of money, so we get this windfall of just say $3,000. That's pretty much it once. To me, I'm like, we've won the lottery.

SPEAKER_05 4:32

So I'm Francis person I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

So I'm like, okay, 10-year anniversary coming up. Me being the great husband that I am, what am I gonna do with this money? Not gonna pay off the debt that we have. Not gonna help. Not gonna uh increase the emergency fund like I should. I'm going to take my wife on a 10-year anniversary trip to Mexico. We stayed at one of those all-inclusive things.

SPEAKER_05 4:59

We had never taken a vacation before.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

10 years in our whole marriage. Yes, we had never taken a vacation. So I'm under something, I'm doing a great thing for my wife, a phenomenal thing. And this ungrateful, I mean, this godly woman.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

I was so mad. She was I was in tears.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Like she was out.

SPEAKER_05 5:17

I was like, what do you mean? So it's got like it's gone, gone?

SPEAKER_03 5:20

Like it's hitting it. I deserve this. He's like, I deserve this.

SPEAKER_05 5:26

Go into an all-inclusive. It's got it was a cheap all-inclusive, which I still is my favorite trip so far. Stop. Out of all the places we've been to. My favorite. But it was very emotional for us. It was our first time away from the kids. My parents agreed to watch them. That was a blessing. So, but I'm just like, wait, I could have like taken a chunk. I and three thousand dollars, but yeah, a lot of money for especially for our our little mountain little molehill that we had. I was like, dude, I'm gonna take two or three cards out, you know. Not that we had a lot of cards, anyways. I think it was just one, but anyways, I was gonna do some things. I was turning water into wine with this money.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

So I guess I had plans for it. I guess that's one time that I had a little financial infidelity, but I thought I was doing the right thing, and I didn't hide it from my told her. I didn't tell you.

SPEAKER_05 6:15

No, you no, no, no, you booked it and then you told me as a surprise.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

As a surprise, surprise my wife.

SPEAKER_05 6:21

Um, but his love language is surprising.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

But listen, here, here's the thing. Nevertheless, we had a great time.

SPEAKER_05 6:28

We did. It was my best trip out.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Like it birthed a travel bug in us for sure. For sure. Um, but uh it's a great memory. But I guess that's a time that I did.

SPEAKER_05 6:37

So all that to be said, I'm just saying, like we're not perfect.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

No, everyone's done it. But guys, um, you know, on a more serious note, and I believe that this is something that happens too often that keeps couples sort of divided and on edge about money. Because I don't believe that it's necessarily out of you know bad intentions per se. I believe a big piece of it is shame or the fear of it's gonna turn into an argument. Oh no, they're not gonna agree with it, so I'm just gonna do it.

SPEAKER_05 7:09

That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

So so um, but I but I believe that it is something that has to be cut off and stopped right now in your marriage if you're doing that. Ladies, guys, you know.

SPEAKER_05 7:23

Okay, but can I say something? Yes, it's because at least for me, especially when I was like, okay, we can share the budget and the finances now, or you can just take over it because it's so stressful for me, and I was so to like the penny. Um, I think it's because we don't want to ask daddy for permission. I mean, a big part of why women do it is because it's their money too, especially if you're a homemaker. And so they feel bad being a burden, but this sale just happened and it's never gonna come back ever again. I don't and it's 70% off, and it's a little over budget, but it's not like that much over budget. Over budget, and it's things that we need- You don't need it. Yes, we do. We need it, like you know, a good sale on you know, underwear or socks or whatever for the kids. And so there's different scenarios that make people financially unfaithful, is what I'm saying. Like, and then there's also different thought processes.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

So that makes it right.

SPEAKER_05 8:28

No, it doesn't make it right, especially if you agreed with it. Okay, but then it's just like, you know, how many times I've done it to you. I don't do it to you. But I I for one for me, like I was never, I don't think I've ever been financially like financial. Yes, I have to have. I've been unfaithful with my finances, right? Have I I'm asking you a question.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Uh maybe a little from time to time.

SPEAKER_05 8:52

From time to time, right? So my thing is, oh, he's not answering his phone. It went on 90% off sale, and they're closing, and you know, it's not in the butt like in two weeks it'll be in the budget again because then we'll get paid in two weeks. So I'm just gonna deduct it from that paycheck.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

You can't spend money that you don't have. It doesn't work like that.

SPEAKER_05 9:16

Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Anyone listening to this? You cannot spend money that you don't have.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

It is like, oh, I'm saving my money. I'm actually saving my husband like one time. Okay, a rub went on sale, stayed up to like midnight, you know, like that next morning. It was gonna go off like 80% sale. Do you remember that for the for this house? And I was like, Well, I don't have that, but I will in like a week. So I'm saving you 78% off or whatever it was. So I bought it on our emergency credit card. And then immediately when I got paid, it was only like what, $150 for this big nine by 12. I was like, this is amazing. You're welcome, family, for having a rug to put your feet on.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

No, that yeah, yeah. So guys.

SPEAKER_05 10:06

But you have to be like, like, I would I'm good with the finances, so I'm like, I'm not saying I'm gonna pay back, and then I'm like, oops, I forgot pay back and something else.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

No, but you said something earlier where you were sort of like, oh, you know.

SPEAKER_05 10:18

I teeter totter. I think infidelity is a strong word.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

It is a strong word. It's me, it's it's a strong. My heart, my heart is not in the Benjamin Franklin and Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. Yes, you are.

SPEAKER_05 10:33

They're dead. It's not gonna last.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Um, so but you know, in all seriousness, you know, like I like to play devil's advocate in our marriage. Yes, I mean you can make light of it, but I think this is a real problem.

SPEAKER_05 10:48

It is, it is. When you have like when you're hiding packages or you're saying, hey, open the garage, I'm gonna slip some packages in their clothes, and don't tell your daddy. Like, so I have heard women do this. That is that is wrong. It's it's extremely wrong. Unless it's a birthday surprise that you were budgeted for, like, you shouldn't be hiding packages and stuff like that. But this is very controversial.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Yeah, no, it is.

SPEAKER_05 11:09

No, it is definitely because there's times that I have done that too, actually.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

It doesn't make it right.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

I feel I feel very convicted.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

It doesn't make you should. You should. I don't know, and you know, like a big piece of it is, guys, like, really, it comes down to communication. Come back to those money dates, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

That you have to have because everyone needs to be on the same page. Again, I know piece of it is most marriages, guys, you're totally normal. Most marriages are gonna have two people that are wired completely different when it comes to money. And that's okay. The issue becomes when you have these two people that are wired so differently, then they don't communicate and come to an agreement. Now, this person is upset at this person, the other person upset because they just can't get on the same page. That's the reason I'm so big on these like money dates, because it just keeps the stress down. Even though the money dates in the beginning may be a little tense because you don't know how to really handle and talk about it, but long term, like it it really does go a long way because uh I just hate to hear it, like even when someone jokingly says it, you know. Again, I don't believe that it is my money. Okay, so you're a homemaker, you don't make real money outside of the home. But like, for me, I couldn't do what I do if you didn't take care of the home and all that stuff. So I don't like the whole thing.

SPEAKER_04 12:42

I love when you say that.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Like, I don't like the whole well, it's the truth, right? Like, I don't like the whole my money, his money, like all the money.

SPEAKER_05 12:50

Yeah, our kids have brought that up several times, and I'm like, you know, there was a time when I worked three jobs, and you know, like we it's been a give or take in our in our marriage, it's never been just you know, in the beginning it was me, and then it shifted to you, and then it shifted to us together, and now it's primarily back to you. So it's just in our marriage, we've done this back and forth of you know who helps and in what seasons and for what goals. It and that's a whole nother podcast, but um, this is a big thing to our kids too, because our kids will try to guilt me and being like, you know, you're supposed to stick to a budget, we can't do this, you know, or whatever, you know, if we have it in our fund budget or adventure budget or whatever it is, they try to hold me accountable to um, oh, I'm gonna tell daddy. And that's one thing we've had to be like, no, no, no. This is our money. Um so I appreciate you saying that because some women don't feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

And that's you know, that's the husband's fault, but like I believe that everything should be going at one account, guys. I don't care, I don't care what they're gonna tell you, I don't care who disagrees it. I I stand firmly on this. So if you're two married people, you should be combining all of that money at one account, right? That's where it that's where it goes. I don't care what they try to tell you. Like, I really don't. Like it's annoying to me when two married folks have separate accounts, money going here, I'm paying the light bill, we're going half on the mortgage. Guys, stop that. Like that, like that's a freaking partnership, that's not a marriage. Um It should be the money's coming into one account.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

Now, here's the thing I don't have to make you so angry.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Because it just you don't do when you two become one, that's in everything. Finances, like, you do a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_05 14:41

Have you seen that meme where the where the wife is like, she comes to the husband and she says, I'm not gonna be able to help with the light bill this month? And he's like, What are you talking about? You never help with anything. And it's like uh, but yes, it's because of that. It's because two do become one. Yeah, and it should be it shouldn't be like, well, I'm gonna help you with your cell phone and you but there's an interesting dynamic that we have because I got used to working for so long and being a big contributor to the family before I decided to stay home in home school and all the things.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Now you're a bigger contributor. I make more money now than we've ever made, but again, I I'm not saying that's like I'm not jokingly saying that.

SPEAKER_05 15:22

No, no, no, I know, I know, I know. But what we do is because I don't trust myself, because I have a reputation, um, not being financially faithful be, but you know, I just I gave myself I gave myself a sub-account where instead of just like keeping up with a line item, that is my budget. Yeah, I don't have a because I can get him, his birthday's coming up this Saturday. I can get birthday presents, I can do things where he won't see the transactions coming in, and he can always check it. He has access to it. It comes off of our account, but it's like my money. Like, don't touch my money.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah, no, I don't yeah, again, I don't have an issue.

SPEAKER_05 16:01

Because a lot of couples have asked me that. Well, if you know, then how do you buy gifts and how do you do that? That's how we do it. We have a sub account that we both have access to, um, and we put a certain amount of money in that, that's my budget to spend on whatever I want.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Correct. That's basically the hook, because I don't have a sub account. Again, I'm not a spender person. I put I spin out of the main account. If we let her spend out of a main account, the main account may get sort of liked or anorexic.

SPEAKER_05 16:25

But life would be so pretty.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Oh man, it would be. So, but nevertheless, guys, like at all, seriously, if you're married and you're listening to this and your finances aren't combined, I don't care. Oh, we've been doing it. I know plenty of people. I don't care. It's not the right way. I stand firmly on that. Write in the comments, send me hate mail. I don't care. When you're married, your incomes go to one account, and then if you guys want to sex it off, but again, that's just annoying to me when I hear people talking about, oh well no, I pay the light bill or I pay the whatever.

unknown 16:56

What?

SPEAKER_00 16:57

What are we doing here?

SPEAKER_05 16:59

That's dumb. I can't help with the mortgage.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Yeah. So um, but I believe that's a big thing that you know it all comes, you know, this whole financial infidelity really comes down to you know the communication. And for me, if I'm being totally honest, the reason that I really don't like this for married couples, not necessarily if I'm being totally honest and transparent, I'm not really worried about the women a ton. It's really dudes, right? Men need accountability.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

How?

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Men need accountability with what they have going on.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Oh, oh. Right?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Like men need accountability, right? There's a lot, there's a lot pulling at us, at men, trying to distract you and stuff like that. And if there's no guardrails around, oh, I'm just gonna spend a little bit on this and that, and you're just doing things that are just horrible for your marriage, but no one can check you. But if you know that everything was in one account, your wife's gonna see that you're spending money on XYZ that you shouldn't be, that holds you accountable. So for me, like, yes.

SPEAKER_05 18:05

That's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

That's a great point.

SPEAKER_05 18:08

That's a very moral, moral issues, especially. Um, you know, and it could be from subscriptions to hotel rooms and nights out and um vices.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Correct. What's my what's my Whitney Houston song name? Well, what's the name of that song?

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Where she's singing about he said he went out with his boys, but he she saw the receipt, and only two of them ate. I don't know, I can't remember, but that's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_05 18:38

I'm gonna make it anyway. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

No, I don't know. But anyway, um, you should not again, guys, combine those finances, right? Just keep it keep it simple. Yeah, one account, if you want a break off account where okay, well, this is hubbies, this is why's you get X amount per month, you can spend on whatever, but everyone should have access to anything. There should be no secret accounts, no hidden accounts, no flush funds for this. Um, like I just don't think that bills trust in a long-lasting marriage, you know. Like, I would just like I would hate for my wife to think that I have, you know, all of this money in another account just in case it doesn't work out with us, or like what?

SPEAKER_05 19:23

I wish you would. I wish. I really wish you would.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

But I want you to like speak a couple things. Like, I I think the women really need to because I should cut for me to be. Okay, I'll admit it. I've just seen it more in women than guys.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

Well, for me, for me, it was like because I worked so much before, and I, you know, for a season I was the breadwinner. Um, I think it was like having to submit to that. Um, okay, now we split this evenly, and the same fears that men, you know, that men have that their wives are gonna spend all the money this and the other, are the same fears that women are gonna have about being controlled and being told no. And there were many times I'd be like, yeah, my dad, like we have to like talk about this and agree on it, because he was just so um at first when I was managing the finances, I was very like that trip bothered me a lot, actually. Um we had a great time. It's definitely what I'm married to. It made our marriage way better and definitely needed. We were pretty much in crisis mode because we were just surviving every day for 10 years. Um, just trying to make it, just working, working, working, working, grind. And if you own a business, you know it just never stops. It's over and over. Um but when you took over the finances, and I'm just like, I'm just tired. I want to focus on the kids, and let's just lay out and have these meetings and lay out the budget. Um, it became of well, am I being control? Like, I really need this, I really want this.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Pride, pride, what you want, pride, call it what you want.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

So, yeah, so pride comes in and it's just like, wait, who are you to tell me? Like, because you know, you just don't like being told no. And I love this about Sherman. One of the biggest things when we were first starting off, and and really getting into budgeting and the snowball um method, is the one thing that you were asked what bothers you the most about this whole thing about paying out. It wasn't working like a dog 24-7. It wasn't what was it?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah, I would have to tell my wife no to specific things that she couldn't have. You know, she would want something. I can't give that to you. And they're like, we can't give it away.

SPEAKER_05 21:43

And I never asked for anything. So I think when we got married and started having kids, then I would start asking for stuff, or start requesting things, or we need this, that, and the other. He hated when he had to tell me, No, we can't afford that. No, we can't do that, no, we can't partake in that. Um, he hated that. That's when I took over. the the the finances so that he wouldn't have to so I could see it for myself. So that's an interesting dynamic. And I just encourage the women like there's nothing um good that comes out of fear or pride. Pride is just um what'd you always say pride was? Uh you thinking you deserve more than you actually deserve. So for me it's a it's a give and take. It's a it's something that you have to discuss. I don't want to hide packages from him unless it's his birthday. I'm not trying to hide things I'm not trying to sneak. And I'm definitely not trying to teach my children that you have to hide how much you're spending from each other. We support each other. When mommy does something uh or goes shopping daddies are applauding it and saying yeah that's great you deserve that like that's um that that's awesome like it's never like oh I gotta sneak it and not let daddy know and all this fear um because I know that they're sensitive to that because we've been on this very public journey of being that free together. So I have to be especially careful to be like oh that goes over the butt you know what we'll just wait. We'll pray about it. We'll wait and see if it's important enough or what we can do about that.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Yeah because you know here's the thing guys it's not the only shirt or dress that uh that store is gonna make I promise you there will be other sales in your size. Right?

SPEAKER_05 23:23

And when it fits you like a glove I'm like gosh I still have dresses that I think about or outfits and I'm like so guys I guess I'll settle for these that don't fit me right yeah on my waist. Correct you'll be fine you'll be fine I'll be fine and uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Um because I really do believe that if we didn't get on the same page I know I know not on I believe I know if we weren't on the same page financially it would have been impossible for us to pay off $203000 in 27 months. Yeah because it hurt like it would have been impossible no that was short term discomfort sometimes I would get angry because I'm having to make these big payments but again once we finish and we look back it was definitely definitely worth it it's like a no brainer right like we've been we wouldn't be sitting in our home now you were actually mad we didn't do it sooner oh that for sure again we always talk about the gamblers Nick and Anita like it they were they did it early in their marriage and I'm thinking like many and we're watching them the whole time it's like why are they doing this? My gosh you're saying no to everything every little thing and now I wish that we would have done it earlier. It would have been less money it would have been a little bit easier and they were so gracious trying to they were they were they were like it was great so love them. Guys so I'm gonna give you three things that you need to do this week we need to do three things this week the first one have the full disclosure conversation right you got to sit down with your spouse you got to tell them stuff you've been hiding you got to talk about you have to have that meeting because you just have to wipe the flake clean what do you mean like what like what hey honey um I have this account over here I've been putting money into it for years like that you think people have accounts like hidden like that for years? Yeah I think so um and then also you need to tell you know hey I've been spending a little money I know you don't know this but like I shouldn't do that like let's get on the same page I think you need to have that full um disclosure meaning um step two would be I think you need to after you have that uncomfortable meeting it will be uncomfortable now you guys need to set the budget for yourselves right then you set the budget for yourselves and then you guys also need to decide on a purchasing threshold right so let's just say that you guys have a fund for you know whatever but you guys decide hey any purchase over I'm just making numbers up any purchase over $500 we need to talk about this yeah like you that's fair you need to set a purchasing um threshold and get on a budget right so that's so the two is sort of it's sort of two a and two b you need a budget you need to set the purchasing threshold um because a lot of times guys if if I'm being honest most people make enough money they just don't keep enough money you know most people make enough money they just don't keep enough but what are they saying it's easy to make a million not keep it yes it is much it is much easier to we should have a podcast on how to spend the money that's what happened no it is much easier to make a million dollars right than it is to keep a million dollars right I we always heard that I we we always heard it and I didn't understand it but now I definitely know it is much easier to make a million dollars than it is to keep a million. Right um and then step three you guys need to start having those weekly money date nights and if you don't know where to start I Stephanie Thorndike said that she agreed with like having the meeting not don't call it a date night it really is not a date but she agreed with near you no she's agreeing with you no it is a date night because you like you're still getting out and you're gonna go and sit out somewhere quiet you're spending meeting okay well okay start having the weekly meeting with your spouse about you guys and then go on a date night after that maybe go on a date night after that's fine whatever um and depending on your budget depends on where you go to eat maybe it's Chick-fil-A maybe that's fine ponderosa maybe I don't know where's ponderosa I haven't even heard of that in a million years buffet um but guys like buffets are expensive I can't remember last time no but we took the kids to the I'm not eating at a trough I call them troughs yeah I know honey we took yes we took so our kids so my someone in my family they always tell the kids about uh what's the place what's the name of the place um golden corral so so they were telling my kids about golden corral so we're traveling we're driving back what do you mean you can eat whatever you want as long as you want the kids couldn't wrap their minds so we had to we had to find one and drive to one so we found a golden corral and they ate nothing they ate half a place we went to the golden corral and it was like I it was like it was when I was a kid I hated it now it was amazing and carpet on the floor but nevertheless the kids thought that was the best restaurant in the world because they got the they haven't asked to go back they have not but I bet they would like to go back but they haven't asked to go back but they were just blown away that you sit there and you get you all your food and you have to eat it all you can go get more and there's like no limits. Yeah so um yeah guys but seriously those are the three steps and again if you don't know that have these date nights obviously in the show notes you'll be able to download that for free um because we want to see you guys get on the same page with your finances so it will improve your marriage right we want to see your marriage great we want to see your finances great um I mean you guys listen to this really think about it really think about if your marriage was great and your finances were great really think about that like what does that feel like you know what does that look like those are the those are the type of dream dates you guys should be having as well because it's possible regardless of how far you seem um off of it how hard it seems you can have that amazing marriage you can have amazing finances but it takes work it is uncomfortable and you just have to do the work we believe in you guys um and we know you can do it. If you have any questions comment under this podcast we'll answer your questions we'd love to see you guys just be great right because at the end of the day a better marriage is everything so guys as always tell a friend to tell a friend to tune in and we will chat with you guys next week alright