Episode 8: How to Protect Your Marriage (and Your Money) as a Man

In this solo episode of Matrimony and Money, Sherman gets real with the guys.

He shares practical tips on staying pure in your mind and actions — cutting out porn, setting up safeguards like Covenant Eyes, sharing all passwords, and avoiding things like “work wives.”

He explains why protecting your money protects your family: getting debt-free, planning for retirement, and not depending on the government when you’re older.

You’ll also hear why regular date nights and yearly trips with your wife matter, plus advice for single men who want to prepare now. Sherman talks from 21 years of marriage — the wins, the mistakes, and what actually works.

Straight talk for men who want strong marriages and a solid future.

If you’re a husband or hoping to be one, this one’s for you. Share it with a brother.

(Every Man’s Battle book linked in the show notes.)

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The Couples Money Date Guide — the exact step-by-step conversation format Sherman and Cristina used before paying off $203K. Download free at the link below.
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As seen on The Dave Ramsey Show · Fox News · Fox Business

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you are going to depend on the government in your latter days, good luck to you, but I wouldn't do it. I would not depend on Uncle Sam to take care of me when I'm 75 years old. I would not. I don't think Uncle Sam was gonna give me enough money to let me live the way that I want to live at 75. Give away the type of money I want to give away at 75 to my grandkids and great-grandkids and all of that stuff. When you protect your money, you're actually protecting your family. And that starts with these conversations with becoming debt-free, with having a long-term plan for your money. It is not too late. Regardless of where you are, you could be 40, 50 years old. Like it's not too late to get on the right track. Alright, guys, here we go. Another episode of Matrimony and Money. And today I'm flying solo. Christina let me outside alone. So uh I'm excited today, guys. It is going to be a great episode. But I have to say it, we see our viewership going up. Thank you. Right now, I need you guys to start commenting. Make sure that you're subscribing, follow us, following us because that that really helps us um keep going, right? Uh so I want to say this episode is primarily for the men, right? Ladies, you can listen to this for sure, but this is really for the men. Uh, because I believe that it starts with us, fellas. So today, if we had to have a title, which we do, I would say this would be called How to Protect Your Marriage as a Married Man. Or you can remove marriage and just say man. So this could be for a married man or a single man, right? And I want to give you guys sort of some practical tips. Uh, we're gonna have some stories, and again, I want to start this off by saying I haven't been perfect, right? But with that being said, I believe I have a lot of insight and wisdom that I can help some guys with because I've been married almost 21 years. I can't believe it. Uh but so I'm excited about this episode, so make sure that you tell a friend to tell a friend to uh listen to this one. So, brethren, um let's start off with the whole purity thing, how to stay pure when you're married. Because a lot of times, you know, when you're coming up, um when you hear purity, you just think of like, oh well, you know, no sex before marriage and you know that type of thing, which that is a big piece of it, right? I believe. However, we're talking about purity and marriage, and as you're a man, because what that does, guys, a lot of times when you start, you know, that type of thing outside of marriage, it carries over into marriage, right? But in ways that you don't expect, right? So I believe that, you know, let's start off with number one. Um, you're going to have to stay pure in your mind, in your actions, right? And you do that by specifically staying away from specific things, right? Our minds. Like we have to make sure that the stuff we're looking at, the stuff we're listening to, right, uh, is what we want our minds to sort of uh be focused on because whatever we watch, whatever we listen to, it's gonna go straight into our heart, into our mind, and that's what we're gonna sort of be dwelling on, right? And that's really important. I know for me, you guys are practical too. Like for me, it's instantly, if I'm watching something on Netflix and it says, you know, Netflix gives you little things that say language, drugs, nudity, whatever. I'm a full stop for me. Like there's no going past it if it says anything to do with nudity, right? As a man, there's just things I need to stay away from, and that's one of them for me, right? I think that's for every man, but for me, right? I am going to stay away from seeing other women naked. I'm not gonna do it, right? I'm only gonna see one woman naked. That's cu that's Christina Merricks, right? Um, if you're a single man, you know, you're not married yet, so you don't get to see any woman naked at this point, which that's a good thing, guys. Um, because it keeps you focused on the main thing. And I believe that's you know, I know that having talked to hundreds of men and hearing hundreds of stories, our minds are some of the things that just keep us distracted, right? You could be sitting in a you could be sitting in the living room with your family, your mind's in a totally different place, right? Um, so that's important. Again, the the cell phones, guys, the computers, we have to stay away from you know certain websites. Let's just talk about it, right? Pornography on your cell phone, it's easily accessible, right? Easily. So if you know that you struggle with that, you should have parameters set up to keep you safe. Me personally, um, I have covenant eyes on all of my computers, um, my phones, and things like that. Again, now let's be honest. If I'm a big believer, if a man really wants to do something, or a woman to, but talking about men here, if a man really wants to do something, you can set up all the parameters you want. He is going to do it. But if you want to be kept and you want to stay away from this stuff, having accountability in plays like Covenant Us um goes a long way because you know that it is going to flag some people because you have to set up your partners, uh, and that just keeps you on the straight and narrow, right? Again, this type of stuff has to be sort of put out in the open because I know for a fact there are men struggling. There's a man right now that listen to this, struggle with pornography, doesn't know what to do. Brother, you can reach out to me, tell your wife, tell your friend, just get it, get the conversation started because you can be free, right? Like you can. I know you can, but it's something that's not talking about in the church. Um, definitely not talking about outside of the church, it sort of just like labbed about, oh yeah, I was looking at that, you know, he's over there looking at that. Um, I know a guy that lost family, money, time. He would sort of lock himself up in a room and just look at poor Navy for uh for hours and hours on end. Now, again, that's sort of an extreme circumstance. But if you're on your cell phone and you're looking at it whenever you get a chance for two or three minutes here, two or three minutes there, um, that's just as bad, guys. So again, having parameters and having safeguards like Covenant Eyes on your phone, and there's there's different ones. I just personally like Covenant Eyes. Um it helps. It keeps you safe. Um because you know, on the flip side of that, how do you think it makes your wife feel if she catches you looking at pornography, right? Regardless of how she reacts, she definitely doesn't like it. Definitely doesn't make her feel like she's enough. And uh I believe that your thoughts and actions, it really comes from the things that you let yourself be exposed to. And I know a lot of men, you know, it's hard for them to talk about it with their boys because they're struggling with it. But for me, it's not an excuse, right? If you want to be free, you'll figure out a way to make it happen. If you don't, you'll try to brush it under the rug and you'll deal with it for your entire life, right? Which is which is horrible because you can be free if you go through this hard sort of season in the beginning to get free, you'll never go back, right? So I challenge you guys, um, set up parameters around what you do, what you watch, where you go. Um, a big one is the type of friends that you had. Um, you know, once you're married, right? Like it is hard to consistently hang out with men that aren't married because a married man gets to you know talk about other women. Uh maybe talk about whether he's dating and stuff like that. Again, not to go too down too deep down that rabbit hole, but a married man, you need to be hanging around other married men that are making you a better husband and father, you know, if you have kids. You just don't get to be a married man, you're going out hanging out with five or six single dudes. It's a recipe for disaster. It is, right? And I don't care what you try to say, it's a recipe for disaster. Again, set yourself up. Um, I believe that one of these, you know, one of these things that we have to be okay with is saying, hey, I just don't want to do it, right? And that's okay. If you just don't want to do it, just tell your wife and your kids and your family, hey, I don't want, like, I don't want to be pure for my family. I don't want to stop looking at corn for my family. I don't want to stop flirting with other women. I don't care that much. I'm okay with that. I'd rather you just be honest rather than again hiding and lying um for so long and then when it comes out, everyone's crushed. And just don't do it, guys. Um just be a man. Stand on what you believe. And if you really want to be free and there for your wife, um you can stay pure in your mind and your actions, but you have to set clear boundaries, right? So we're gonna talk about these clear boundaries because I believe that you know this is a big thing. These clear boundaries are just again, yes, they are rules, but they're rules for you to be better, right? Just like you have rules in sport, you have rules in life, you have rules in marriage. Um, you share, I'm gonna get some practical, you share every single password with your wife. That's a non-negotiable. I don't care what your phone, your work email, if she wants, if she wants to write them all, have her write them all down, honey. You have unlimited access to anything that I have access to, right? Because now she knows she can go in there anytime to look. You know she's gonna go in there anytime to look. So again, it's going to keep you on the straight and narrow if you even thought about doing something. And again, the big thing isn't being tipped it, because we're all wicked like that. It's not being tipped, it's how you react, right? And again, so for me, those passwords, my wife has every password that she wants. I don't have any secret passwords. The kids have the password to my phone. I don't care who's texting me. My phone's over there, someone's texting. I'm not jumping up and running. I don't care about Christina looking over my shoulder when I'm texting. Um, I may L-board every now and then just to do it, just to let her know. Ha! Get back, girl. I'm just kidding. But like, I don't care about that. Again, you have to set those clear boundaries because sharing, you know, sharing passwords and stuff, it just set it just sets the mood, right? It just sets the mood that hey, I'm totally transparent with you, I'm totally on board with you knowing everything. Again, you guys should be sharing the passwords to everything, credit card statements, bank accounts, again, all of that. It really goes back to that because this goes a long way. And this isn't a one-time thing, this is consistent, right? Consistent, it makes you a better man, like it really does, because you understand that someone is looking out for you, someone's watching everything that you do, and that's okay because if you don't have anything to hide, why does it matter if someone's watching you, especially your wife? Um, I believe that this is one of the lies of the world that you know, like once you, you know, like when you're married, yes, you or your wife become what bank accounts and all that, but you two are one, so there's really no more secrets. There's no more of why you could do this, she'll know about I'm gonna go here, she's not gonna know, but I hang out with these guys, I'm gonna talk about this. Guys, like that's not how it works. Um, so I challenge you, if you're doing that type of thing, stop it right now. Um, but I believe that, but I believe a big one, just you know, from what I know and uh talking to people is the you know, the cell phones, guys. It needs to be unlimited access. And again, if someone wants to be, if a man wants to be a dog, for lack of a better term, he's gonna be a dog, so he's gonna get a burner phone, right? That you cannot, you cannot stop a man from doing something that he wants to do, right? Point blank. We see it all the time. Someone gets put in prison, put in jail for fighting or killing someone on the streets or selling drugs so they can do the same thing in jail, even though they're locked up. So again, I'm not saying this so that why if you could be like, oh, I gotta make sure I watch everything out of work, keep out. He's not your child, but there should be parameters around certain things because you want to keep him pure, you want to keep them safe, you want to be there for you, you want to be there for your kids if you have kids. And men, you just have to swallow your prop. Like, I remember when we first started this, yeah, it's kind of annoying in the beginning. Like, I'm not on anything, but just let it be, right? Just let it be because it goes a long way when your wife knows that you are one with her, you have eyes for her, you're not talking to anyone else because it matters, guys. You may think it's something small, but it's big. Again, when you're at work, like I work from home, but when you're at work, one of the all right, you guys can get me going now. One of the things I hate, I'd never played this game when I was working with someone else. Um, there's no work husband, there's no work wife, there's no work girlfriend. Like, that's to me, that is crazy. If you are playing that game, oh yeah, that's my work wife, or oh no, that's my work husband, stop it. There's no work husband, right? It's just a horrible name. Because when you have a husband and a wife, there's things you get to do with your spouse that you don't get to do with anyone else. So if you have a work husband, you get to do those things with them only at work, and they come home to your regular spot. Like they like I just hate it. I was I'm sorry to go on up on a tangent, but if you but if you have a work husband or work wife, stop. Stop. Like, I hate that, like I hate that name, I hate that word, like I just like it's disrespectful to your spouse. Uh, and I wouldn't even let people joke like that with me. There's no work, yeah, there's no work like and all of that crap. So, like, see, y'all gotta be fired up. Um, let's move on to the next one. Here, you can, you know, something else that you need to do is when you're setting these boundaries again around bank accounts and all that stuff, you have to protect your money because it protects your family, right? That's the reason money conversations and all of that stuff is so important because you're really protecting your family by protecting your money, making money, putting away um kids, college funds if you have kids, or retirement funds, if you're just trying to retire one day. Like all this stuff matters. Um, because if you are going to depend on the government in your latter days, good luck to you, but I wouldn't do it. I would I would not depend on Uncle Sam to take care of me when I'm 75 years old. I would not. I don't think Uncle Sam's gonna give me enough money to let me live the way that I want to live at 75, give away the type of money I want to give away at 75 to my grandkids and great-grandkids and all of that stuff. So when you protect your your money, you're actually protecting your family, and that starts with these with these conversations with becoming debt-free, with having a long-term plan for your money. Again, maybe uncomfortable now or whatever, and again, it is not too late, regardless of where you are. You could be 40, 50 years old, like it's not too late to get on the right track, right? That's one of those excuses I think people use because they're comfortable with where they are, or they just are they just totally believe that uh it's not gonna matter, it is gonna matter because one day you are going to stop working and you're gonna need you know some retirement and stuff like that. Um, again, everyone is not going to be uber wealthy. I'm not saying that. I do not believe that you know there's income levels and tax brackets and lifestyles and all of that, but having money put away for a raining day for retirement, your spouse should be on the same page about that, and that's where that financial transparency and all of that stuff comes into play so that you guys can have a plan long term. That's the reason that you need to be meeting, right? Even you know, you're 30, 40 years old, 20 years old, you need to be meeting now with a long-term plan. Again, you don't have to be a big planner like me. Like, I mean, I was a plan, I'm I'm like 30, so I'm thinking about okay, well, we're gonna get 70, but that's 40 years away. But I just want to know what happens when I get there because more likely than not, outside of a tragedy, I'll probably still be walking this earth in another 30 years. So I'm 43 now, I'll be 73. And 30 years seems like a long way, but it'll be here before you know it. And if I haven't prepared, you know, I don't want to be a burden to my kids and grandkids because I didn't take care of business when I had a chance to take care of business, right? And that's one of those things that are sort of difficult for many men to sort of talk about. But guys, it is what it is. You have to make sure you're taking care of your family. First and foremost, I understand such and such needs help, this and that. Well, you and your wife need to run by that. And if your wife isn't on board, she's not a bad person. She's just not on board with. And if she's not on board, you shouldn't have moved forward with nine times out of ten. Because here's the thing I'll give it to her, most women aren't as selfish as guys. For the most part, I know there's, you know, there's there's caveats and stuff like that, but for the most part, it's not like that. So if your wife is saying, uh, honey, I don't think, like, I don't think we should do this. A woman's intuition, I would trust her. Right? I would trust her. Because uh, I know many a men that go against their wife or our wives, if you listen to this, you you're just gonna say whatever you think he wants to say because you don't want to rock the boat. At times it's okay to rock the boat, right? Because if you just sit back and let him do it, and then when it happens poorly, or as you saw, um it was gonna happen. That's actually doing him with this service, like it's doing no good at that point to say, see, I knew it. Or I told you, like, you guys need to, like, if you guys can't agree on something, it's okay to not be able to not agree on everything. Maybe you reach out to a third party, you guys decide, okay, we're gonna have this couple together. Like, when we can't agree, we're gonna reach out to this couple, sit out with them, and get their opinion too, and they'll be the tiebreaker. Again, it's these little things that go a long way when you're married. Because again, you're gonna be married for a long time, hopefully. Hopefully, you're not hopscotted around with spouses, but um you're gonna be married a long time and you're not going to, it's two of you. So you're not gonna agree on every single thing. Sometimes it's gonna be one, sometimes it's gonna be the other. But sometimes some things are gonna be very important to the both of you, like the both of you, and you just won't know what to do, right? Like, you just won't know what to do. It's sort of gonna be a tie break. So you're gonna have to reach out to a third party and have them help you. That's very important. Um, something else, fellas. Your wife, for the most part, she wants to be close to you, she wants to hang out with you, unless you have the wrong woman, you know. Um, but most of us have the right woman. Um, you guys have to figure out ways to go to grow closer together, like every day in the little stuff, and then the big stuff as well, right? So, you know, again, waking up, giving her a hug in the morning, telling you a lot you love her. Sending the text messages, messages throughout the day. Again, I'm not I'm not perfect at all of this, but I try to do it as much as I can. And also, you know, some of the big things. Again, I believe that I'm a strong believer in people, people pay for what's important to them, right? So if you have money to, you know, do the things you want to do, and I talk to you, you're telling me that, oh, well, you know, man, my wife and I, we've never gone on a vacation alone in 30 years. Like, to me, that's not a badge of honor, right? That just lets me know it, like it's not important to you. And again, for me, I'm gonna blame everything on the man. If you haven't gone on a vacation in 30 years, it's your fault. You can't tell me, I don't care who you are, you can't tell me that you can't save up enough money, at least once a year, to take your wife away. Just you and her. Now, again, there's different levels, there's different incomes. So, I'm not saying you have to take your wife to London, Paris, Spain, Switzerland, Alaska, wherever. If you're gonna save up enough money to take your wife to the next town over, rent a hotel for a couple nights, and you or her go eat in that town, hang out at night, no distract, no one knows you. That goes a long way, right? Because she sees that bang, I know our hardest word. I know we don't have a lot of money, but he was stashing on a little money so that we could have this intimate time, me and him, one-on-one. That's why I will, me personally, I love traveling with my wife, right? Um, it's just a I like to joke around and say it's a different woman for the most part when we travel. Um, she doesn't have any responsibilities. I take care of all the planning. Um, you know, blah, blah, blah. For us, when we go on a trip, we really don't have a budget, you know, as long as she don't go too crazy, we don't have a budget. Uh, we're just we're just creating memories. So I challenge you, men that are listening to this, you figured out a way to get away with your wife once a year. Whatever that looks like. Again, it doesn't have to be this big extravagant trip if your income doesn't allow that. Um but for the most part, once a year, most of you jokers can afford to take your wife somewhere, right? Maybe that means you don't eat out, or maybe that means you don't buy the ladies this or the ladies that your wife is more important than that stuff, so just get done, fellas. I promise you, you will not regret it. Your wife will remember it. It'll be memories that you'll have forever. You know, I know we talked about it on the pod before, you know, when we got into a little accident, we got those two or three thousand dollars um for the accident, and I just knew we were married for 10 years, you had young kids. I just knew, like, man, I'm taking my wife on a vacation. Um, and I like I just didn't count. I'm taking on a vacation. Because that money came home. She was like, okay, so what do I do with the money? I was like, ah, well, uh, I spent it on a vacation for us. Now, at first she didn't like it. It merely she wasn't, you know, she can be too mad at me because it's not like I told her, Oh, I'm going on there. It's us, but she was like, We could use that money. I was like, I understand, yes, we could have, but like, I feel like me, you and I, we need you can be 10 years. We gotta, we gotta start creating some space for us. So we left the kids, we went to Mexico. I wish I could remember the name of that place. But I remember I got on the website, uh, cheatcaribbean.com, thought something that was in my price range. Well, why? And I went for like five, six nights. Great time. Now Christina said it's one of her favorite ones, but I think it was just because of the first one. Um, but I remember I remember that that place specifically. The freaking Florida sweaty ace. Anyway, it was a great time. It was a great time, and that started us with the travel bug that we have now. And I can't tell you the memories and stuff that we have now. We'll have them forever. They have them with each other, with our kids, with friends, family. So, man, I challenge you once a year, start a start a sinking fund. If you don't know what a sinking fund is, just Google it. Google sinking fund for wife trip. It'll walk you through it, right? It'll walk you through it. Because I believe that's one of those things that you and your wife need at least once a year, right? Get away. You and her, have a good time, reconnect. Um, because uh like it matters, guys. And for you single guys that are listening, take these, like, take these principles to heart, right? Stay away from certain things. Um, start planning, right? Start setting aside a little money for your honeymoon if you plan to be married one day. Again, it may seem, oh, I'm only 22, I'm not gonna be married anytime soon. But again, everything sort of comes up on you, right? And if you don't come from a family with a lot of money, everything's gonna be dependent on you, right? You and your spouse. So I got married at 22, fresh out of college. So we're broke together. Like there was no, there was no uh saving up. I I remember Christine and I for our honeymoon, we we were supposed to go on a cruise, but then she had surgery like right before we got married, like a few weeks before we got married, so we couldn't go on the cruise. And then we went uh like September, October a little bit, but we got married in August. I think we went on a cruise in December. So we had to postpone it for a few months, but uh, I don't even remember how we paid for that. I think we paid for it with some wedding money we got, but I think about how I mean, think about how cool it would have been if I was hey, I've been planning for this. We don't have to spend our wedding money on this. I've been saving up. Like that type of stuff goes a long way, man. So uh single guys, start planning to be married, start preparing. Uh, because it's a lot, like it's a lot of responsibility that comes with it. You know, when you're unmarried, you think like, oh, I'm getting this woman is gonna be beautiful, she's gonna be great, we're gonna have sex. Like, I get that. That's part of it, but it's so much more than that, right? Now all that stuff and things like that is gonna run out quickly, and now you're gonna live with this woman for the next 50, 60, 70 years. And boy, you better be prepared. Oh, because if you're not prepared, it's just gonna be a miserable road, or you guys are gonna end up divorced. And again, divorce, like if you've been divorced, I'm not saying like the worst thing in the world, but I'm just saying, like, go into this thing knowing that you are going to stick with it for the long term. Talk to your spot. Hey, listen, those are what we go to. I'm gonna do my best, you're gonna do your best. Like, we're not giving up. We're gonna stick this thing out. I think that's one of the things Christina and I did. And we've had some lows, but we've had some highs as well. But when we first got married, I came from a background, you know, single mom, dad wasn't around, you know. Um, I told her, listen, if we do this, I don't care what goes on, I am not getting a divorce. You may make a mistake, I may make a mistake, things may have happen. So uh, if you're going to get married, you or your spouse really sit out and talk about the hike. Hey, we're gonna be in this thing forever, regardless of how our feelings um rise up and stuff like that, right? There's times that Christina gets married. I mean, I don't know how. I'm such a great guy, but she does. I'll never get married at her. She's the apple of my eye. I remember we were walking down the hour when she's going crazy. I mean, not going crazy either. Listen, my wife is Puerto Rico. I saw a um I saw a meme the other day. They're like, oh, if you have a Latino wife, she'll stab you 17 times, but then she'll love you and nurse you back to help and be the best wife in the world. I feel that they can love black crazy, but they can also get you if they need to. So for you boys that have Latino wife, you better be compared. Um guys, take this seriously. Um, share this episode with someone. Oh, I did have this too as well. For you guys that are watching on YouTube. I have a book here. This book. It's called Every Man's Battle. Right? This book is like this is a great book. Um it's every man's battle, every man's guide to winning the war on sexual temptation, one victory at a time. Um I will I I'll link this book in the show notes. Um, like this is a great book, it's a practical guide, because fellas, you know, everywhere we go, we're like we're being tempted. You go to the beach, these people that dress crazy, you put your head down, uh, go to the store having the time. These these these people are dressed crazy. You have to so again, the temptation isn't the issue, it's how you respond, how you react. So that book, Every Man's Battle, I almost forgot about that. Like, that's a great book. I challenge every man listening to this to read it. Um, because it'll really challenge you. So, fellas, I hope this helps. And fellas, as always, tell a friend to tell a friend to tune in, and I'll chat with you guys next week. Alright.