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One Broken Mom
1.33 Narcissistic Mother: The Scapegoat Child
January 27, 2019 Amee Quiriconi

Back on One Broken Mom is Michelle Piper. Michelle is a Marriage and Family Therapist based out of San Diego. She has both a personal and professional interest in the adult children of narcissistic mothers. And has a website where she provides valuable resources for survivors of narcissistic abuse. 

We’ve talked about the Narcissistic Mother as a type of Broken Mom and then drilled down into the different family roles the children end up being forced into, starting the Golden/Hero, then the Lost Child, The Mascot and now we’re at the last one – the Scapegoat.

Which I think fits nicely because I feel the personality of this child is little like “Screw you everyone, I’m outta here!” and so it feels like a suitable conclusion in many ways! 

Scapegoated Child

"Nothing you did was ever good enough. What may have satisfied your narcissistic mother one day could disappoint her the next.

If you expressed you felt your mother treated you unfairly, she might have led you to believe that you were crazy and ungrateful.  The “love” and “thoughtfulness” she gave you through her constant criticism was to be treasured.

If you did something of value and worth, you may have been cut down and made to believe that your accomplishments had no meaning in your narcissistic mother’s eyes.   Or, you could have been elevated and bragged about to the point of objectification.  (See Chosen, Hero or Golden child below.)

Why do we talk about this in detail? Because we are wired to idealize our parents and in particular our “Mom

Not only does a narcissistic mother neglect to nurture her child as a healthy mother would, but sadly her abuse turns you against yourself — often without you even realizing it initially.

To recover from narcissistic abuse, you need to be aware of what has happened to you and what is likely to happen to you as a result of having a narcissistic mother."

Topics Covered in This Episode

  • Becoming addicted to negative intensity
  • The different types of Scapegoats in a family 
  • The emotional & intellectual abuse that results
  • Knowing the difference between self-esteem and self-blame
  • The vulnerabilities Scapegoats develop as a result of their survival mechanisms
  • The strengths of the Scapegoat 
  • How to manage the best way to approach confrontation when you have become addicted to intensity
  • Understanding the role of anger and anxiety
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