Dating, Marriage and Divorce Conversations (DMD)
Seasons of a Relationship - Natural Cycles of a Romantic Relationship
Do you remember the flutter of excitement, the spark of connection when you first met someone special? That's the magical season of courtship that can be rekindled at any age and any stage of your relationship. Join me, Igor Meystelman, for a heartfelt exploration of the seasons of relationships. We'll journey through love and intimacy, acceptance and celebration in the context of our older selves, proving that courtship isn't just for the young. I'll also share insights on how marriages evolve, cycling through multiple seasons, and how we can introduce and experience new seasons at any stage.
Now, what if I told you that just like nature, relationships also have their seasons? The seasons of life and relationships are interconnected, and recognizing this can help us make the most of each stage. Together, we'll uncover how to recognize the growth happening beneath the surface and navigate these seasons in a more meaningful way. I'll guide you on how to use universal truths to gain insight and understanding, emphasizing the importance of looking within and connecting with our deepest roots. Let's embark on this journey together as it will lead us to a better understanding of our relational selves.
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Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Do you remember the flutter of excitement, the spark of connection when you first met someone special? That's the magical season of courtship that can be rekindled at any age and any stage of your relationship. Join me, Igor Meystelman, for a heartfelt exploration of the seasons of relationships. We'll journey through love and intimacy, acceptance and celebration in the context of our older selves, proving that courtship isn't just for the young. I'll also share insights on how marriages evolve, cycling through multiple seasons, and how we can introduce and experience new seasons at any stage.
Now, what if I told you that just like nature, relationships also have their seasons? The seasons of life and relationships are interconnected, and recognizing this can help us make the most of each stage. Together, we'll uncover how to recognize the growth happening beneath the surface and navigate these seasons in a more meaningful way. I'll guide you on how to use universal truths to gain insight and understanding, emphasizing the importance of looking within and connecting with our deepest roots. Let's embark on this journey together as it will lead us to a better understanding of our relational selves.
Start for FREE
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Hello and welcome to dating, marriage and divorce conversations where we analyze, navigate and troubleshoot all stages of your romantic life. I'm your host, Igor Meystelman, a divorce attorney turned relationship coach. Hello everybody and welcome back to the show. This episode is something that I almost want to call a pot that's been boiling for a very long time and finally ready to boil over, thanks to a number of really supporting friends and colleagues. I decided to make a jump into really going to the depth of my own journey, why I'm here, why I choose to spend time this way and how I'm hoping to influence the world around me and help others improve their relational selves. And I'm really going to refer to this journey as the journey of seasons of a relationship. You see, what I've come to see, working both as a divorce attorney and now as a relationship coach and a therapist, is that really our lives, especially our relational lives, very much go through seasons. And just like the winter gives us this sense of everything is sleeping and dormant and we're not sure what's going to be, we're not sure what life is going to present, so, too, same thing happens in our relational lives. There's this sense of things are sleeping, i'm not sure where I am. I'm not sure where I'm going to wind up. I'm not sure what the journey of my love life is going to look like. I'm going to be surprised by sprouting buds that come into being And, just like on the tree and on all kinds of growth, i start seeing these little budding things, these little green, all sorts of colors, things that begin to come to life and week after week they become bigger and bigger. Next thing I know they're flowers budding and there's all kinds of scents and beautiful, enjoyable fragrances emanating from these sprouting things that once seemed dead. Birds are flying and all kinds of bugs and bees are attracted to these blossoming behaviors that the nature seems to present to us. And so the same happens in our own world.
Speaker 1:I'm walking around, i'm going through my life, i go to work, i take care of my chores and all of a sudden I encounter someone and something inside him begins to shift and move and becomes vibrant and awake, and I'm craving that scintillating experience. Something in my inner world is beginning to light up and come to life, and I'm looking forward to the morning and I'm looking forward to exploring the day and exploring that other person and myself and how our interactions are impacting us and our inner worlds. And I find myself in the midst of spring, of my own love, life. And as that journey continues and I settle into the adventure, all of a sudden I find myself in full swing, full blossom. My life makes sense, i look forward to the morning, i look forward to the experience of the day and I could say to myself maybe it's just endorphins and it's just my hormones are acting out and that's it. There's nothing to it. And yet you ask any person, they'll tell you there's something more taking place, something magical is happening. I'm in the midst of that magical journey of blossoming, of enjoyment. Life is real, life is meaningful, life is special and life with you is special And something about the relationship and my own existence that takes on this deeply meaningful awakeness, it becomes musical. I feel the musical, my soul. I can't touch it, i cannot reduce it to mathematical formula, i cannot give it that full, tangible expression. It's like the wind. I cannot see it, but I feel it and God for some reason imbued us and infused into us that we would have these experiences.
Speaker 1:I was reading recently a book about relationships and about how to grow and become a better spouse, and the author mentions. Why is it that in the story of Avraham that the angels come to visit him and they tell him where is your wife? and the commentaries explain that they wanted to bring out in view more love between these two people. Who are these two people? A 99 year old man and an 89 year old woman. And yet the courtship goes on. The experience of deep love, of connection, of the sensation and feeling of craving connection continues to live on, even in an older body. And so that experience of love, romantic connection, is not just something that happens in these 20 year old bodies that are craving intimacy, affection, acceptance, celebration.
Speaker 1:No, it goes on through all of our lives, and that season is available to all of us at all phases of our journeys While we are young and building families, while our children growing up and even while we become empty nesters. And we may wonder now what's next? Is our season of our relationship is dying? Are we heading back to winter? And the reality is is the seasons of relationship are available in all ages, in all stages, and as we'll explore this further, we'll see that it doesn't just something that takes place based on our ages, it's something that we can experience, introduce into our lives at any stage, at any age.
Speaker 1:And just like Avram was able to experience, at 99 years old again, those scintillating sensations of as if a young man again and his wife as if a young woman again, we also go through these stages in life, and many marriages will go through multiple seasons, many times over, and find themselves wondering again I'm in spring, again I'm in June, i'm in the summer, i'm in the thick of my journey of blossoming relationship. And, of course, as all summers come to an end and the leaves on the trees begin to turn yellow and red in all kinds of beautiful colors, we discover that once again we're standing at the threshold of the fall of the time, when everything seems to begin again to wither, to die away, to go back to sleep, to return back to Mother Nature and resume its cycle of dying, losing vitality, settling back into that dormant place. And as leaf after leaf falls off the tree and again we find ourselves standing, feeling lifeless, feeling something's missing again, there's again this dead space between us. My spouse and I are lacking that vibrancy that we felt when we were dating or that we felt when we were under the chapa, and these things are again slowly going back to sleep and again I'm in my dormant stage of life. I close my eyes, the snow settles and again it feels like everything has come back to a still standing, still moment. And it's precisely during those moments that we forget, and that is why it's so important that we are reminded that, as I stand here in the midst of my winter if that's where I find myself that the once before I was in this place, maybe in a more shallow way, maybe with less recognition, maybe with less awareness, but I was here, i was in this place, which means this will pass and spring will come and summer blossom will once again be present, and I can remind myself that this moment is not here forever. This moment is not gonna be here to stay and to trap me for all time. This moment will pass.
Speaker 1:The question is, what will I do with this moment? This moment is here for a reason. God wants me to experience the seasons of my relationship for a reason, and maybe, as I cycle through each season over and over again, i won't just identify the steps that I treaded here before, but maybe I will begin to hear the words of wisdom, the those treaded steps wanna say back to me. And this time, as I step back into those steps, i will be a little bit wiser, i'll be a little bit more aware, i'll be a little more sensitive, i'll be a little more curious. As I re-engage the spring, as the winter once again passes and the smell begins to melt, what buds are waiting to blossom underneath that snow that was waiting dormant? Is it exactly the same replica of me from a year ago Or now? the blossom is wiser, is deeper, it's more meaningful, it's more ready for deeper connection, deeper understanding, and I will be there with it as I experience myself in that more deeper, intimate way than I was just a year ago.
Speaker 1:Why am I being given opportunity to go through yet another cycle, through yet another seasons of my own life and my relational life?
Speaker 1:Will I take this opportunity? or will I just say I'm there under so much snow, there's so much that's sleeping, that's so much missing, so much I wish there was a wake? Or can I pause and say to myself there's so much more to discover, there's so much more to take advantage of, as I will emerge once again in the next upcoming spring that will follow by the summer and during that season, i will grab the opportunity I will reach, i will give myself a chance to have a fuller, deeper, more meaningful expression and through that expression, the world will speak back to me through my children, through my spouse, through my friends. The universal reach out and speak back to me from the deeper place, because I've become deeper and now I've become a vessel that can hold more depth and therefore I can access the deeper layers of the universe. Or do I want to remain stuck in my shallow place? Do I want to just say all there is is snow and I can't access any more depth? All there is is this what I see, what means? the eye, the shallow, narrow, limited version of myself, the constricted me that cannot find a way to give voice or give fuller, meaningful expression.
Speaker 1:Can I conceive my life past that phase? Can I connect to the buds that are blossoming and now producing once again, more fruits, richer, sweeter fruits? And that's something that doesn't just happen overnight. It's something that requires work, diligence and coming ultimately to a real, honest place of looking ourselves in the mirror and saying, wow, look at this mature tree that's blossoming, look at what I'm becoming. I'm not the person I was, and I don't have to lie to myself anymore. I could just engage in honest conversation with myself. My still, really, that three year old, budding, sapling, vulnerable, weak tree. And upon facing the storms of life, the strong winds of resistance that could just be so easily uprooted, what do I feel, if I'm really being honest, a stronger trunk, stronger existence that a wind can't just blow over easily anymore.
Speaker 1:I have deep roots, i have strong roots. No one sees them, and sometimes not even me, and so I'm not even aware of their presence. But when I pause and really get focused and I connect, i realize with each season, as I cycled through life, through the seasons of life, i didn't stand still, the roots continued growing. If there was something that was constant, that constant was my never ending growing roots Taking deeper hold and deeper hold in the reality of life, in the richness of the soil in which they were standing. And that richness, soil is life, life into which God blew, meaning existence, vibrancy, and I'm getting to access it every single day. And so, as I see on the surface what seems to be a never ending cycle of dormant awakened, only to come back again to death and dormancy States, but what I'm really now discovering is, underneath it, something continues to grow And that is my rich roots of my existence, of my potential, and everything now stands on these roots And what cycles through the seasons?
Speaker 1:stands on these growing deeper, thicker, enduring roots of my being That I continue to take only a deeper hold. And now I can't be shaken by the world And as my relationship with the world is growing, i'm getting to access it may go through moments of challenge and struggle and I find myself in a season of winter and we're so disconnected. I find myself in a season of fall. It just feels like things are dying, things are disintegrating. What's going to be with this relationship? I'm able to pause, take a deep breath and say you know what's going to be with this relationship, like what always was. Spring will come and I'll begin to blossom And then, once again, i will enjoy, i will appreciate the roots of my life, of my life's work that are being produced. And where are these roots nourished from These fruits? where are the fruits being nourished from? From the deep roots that every step I took, every season I would stood, continue to strengthen, continue to grow, continue to be here for me, to nurture me, to supply me with the energy and all the things I need. My inspiration, my focus, my resilience, my determination. All these things continue to feed from one place the invisible roots.
Speaker 1:Why didn't I make the world where the roots would be visible? Why must the roots be underground? Perhaps there's a lesson that we're meant to learn Don't be fooled by what you see with your eyes. That's why there is eyesight and there is mind sight. What do I see? Do I only see what my eyes see, the external, or can I see with my mind sight? Can I see beyond? just what's visible? Just the snow on the ground, just the naked tree with no leaves? Can I see that? what's presented to me on the surface in some ways is a distraction. It's just here to give me some flavor of what's taking place.
Speaker 1:But what really matters is what's going on underneath that surface. What really matters is that, despite enduring each one of these seasons, there was something fundamental that continued to take place, continued to endure, and that is the deeper roots, the more resilient, stronger roots that continued to plant themselves within my world, that allow me to continue to endure through each season, to continue to draw life from the adversity, to draw nutrients from resistance. The challenge, the critique, the naysaying, all of these things that should have taken me down. Actually, i was able to withstand, why? Because of what? my roots, because my roots continue to deepen, and so, too, happens during the seasons of our relationships.
Speaker 1:We can all hope for the spring, we can all crave for the summer and hope that it comes into the picture, but we have to remember that there's no such thing as summer forever. It just doesn't exist. There's no such thing as winter forever. The question which one do we emphasize, which one do we energize And which one we give very little attention, we give little focus, and that's usually to the growth, to the recommitment, to read that dedication, that we come back with that renewed, rejuvenated sense of there can be a bright future, there can be hope, there can be more.
Speaker 1:Instead of that experience, we find ourselves constantly searching, constantly trying to find a way to make sense of our lives, of the seasons of our lives, of questioning never ending. Why is this going on? Must it be this way? Can there be something else other than this? And we're never pausing and asking what if this is exactly where I'm supposed to be? What if this is exactly what I'm supposed to experience in order to be able to become what I'm supposed to become, and these seasons are here to give me a never ending flavor of how we too, like nature, go through these natural, organic, wholesome experiences.
Speaker 1:Because through those moments of what seems like disintegration, dying, is actually what is necessary in order for a blossom into a bigger version of us to happen, needs to take place. This is necessary stop. It's not a mistake, it's not an accident, it's not a coincidence. God created us in this world to be like that analogous tree, to also ourselves experience a state where we feel like we're dying, we feel like we're disintegrating, only to discover ourselves once again coming back to life. And that, through the disintegrating process, is how we access our deeper realms, how we access our deeper selves. And there just won't be such a thing as I was big today and then tomorrow I just became bigger, and it's just in a clear, logical, mathematical progression. No, that's why we fall, and when we get up, we are stronger. And the only question will be left is which will we emphasize? Will we emphasize the fall Or we're going to emphasize the getting up every time after the fall? Which person am I? Am I the person that sees the fall? Am I a person that sees getting up after the fall.
Speaker 1:And so too, as we go through the seasons. And so some people, during winter, become depressed. And some people during the winter say I am bracing for the spring, let me start preparing now. And so, too, some people, during the summer of their seasons, of their relationship, find themselves feeling this is amazing and they forget it will not always be so and they don't adequately prepare themselves for what is to come. And when those storms of light hit and the leaves begin to fall or turn different colors, they start becoming sad and depressed. And instead of realizing that the summer was also an opportunity to settle themselves for those times when things will be challenging and build a relationship in such a way that the winter will just be a season rather than a permanent state, instead of properly preparing they got too carried away by the spring and the summer and they didn't give themselves a chance to be adequately ready for the fall and the winter of the seasons of a relationship.
Speaker 1:What does a wise person do? A wise person says I realize that this relationship, like other relationships, like my own inner journey, will go continuously through these seasons, and the more I take the time during each season to be prepared for the predictable seasons that are coming up ahead in life and therefore even begin to enter a state where each season is enjoyable. Each season can at least be appreciated and cherished for what it is, which is. Each one is an opportunity that brings its own perspective. Each season is a chance for us to experience our humanity in its full spectrum, because all of these aspects live within us.
Speaker 1:We are at times in a state of potential, we are at times in a state of actualization, and we're at times where we just pause and take stock and look at the big picture and enjoy from a place of serenity, a place of fulfillment, only to find ourselves once again working hard, sweating and attempting to recreate a vibrant life. And all of that is only possible when we are pausing and saying look at all of these seasons that life brings, that my relationships bring, and that through each of the seasons I am meant to actualize and realize a different aspect of my being. And while things adornment around me and there's a sense of a disconnect or a sense of something's missing, i'm able to say oh, there's something to gain during this time as well. And when things are in full blossom, i realize that there's something now for me to enjoy and to experience, but to know that at one time the harvest will be gathered and the next seasons will come, and I could be ready for those seasons and either celebrate them with the gains I've made or wonder what new gains I am to make. But I could see the depth of the wisdom within each season.
Speaker 1:Not some of the seasons are curses and some of the seasons are blessings. It's one complete package. Can I step back and see the wisdom of the completion of it all? Or can I only fixate on how one is a blessing and one is a curse? Can I see how each season is a compliment to the next, how winter gives us ability to appreciate the summer and how the blossoms of the spring are such beautiful compliments to the withering and dying leaves of the fall? Sometimes the relationship is amazing and sometimes they feel complete and fulfilled and actualized through my relationships and inspired. And then there's that I feel so disconnected because the relationship is struggling and it's suffering. And in those moments can I pause and say this too is a season And just like the season, other seasons will come.
Speaker 1:Each season will give me an opportunity to explore a different dimension of myself and of my relationships, and each time I enter a different season of my relationship, i can take the opportunity to wonder, to question and to explore how can this season give me the tools, the wisdom and insights I need to come back and reengage my relationship from a deeper, more meaningful and more fulfilling place? Each season is an opportunity to come back and once again ask what is it that I didn't do that I could do differently now? What is it that was missing last time around And this time I could try to experiment with once again, to prepare myself and set myself up for another successful season ahead? The four seasons of our relationship lives. They're not just there for us to re-experience over and over again as if it's a never-ending groundhog's day. They're not just there for us to gather each season opportunity to deepen another dimension of myself and of my relationships. I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for joining us today. For questions, comments, topics you'd like to hear more about or to try out our 24 week relationship challenge, email us at relationshipreimagined at gmail.
