Dating, Marriage and Divorce Conversations (DMD)
Analyzing, navigating, and trouble-shooting all stages of our romantic lives.
Dating, Marriage and Divorce Conversations (DMD)
Month of Relationships - Part 1: Divine Attributes for a Healthy Relational Self
Can the key to overcoming relationship challenges be found in the divine? Join us for an enlightening discussion as we explore how our relationship with God can profoundly influence and elevate our interactions with others, especially during the spiritually significant month of Elul. We delve into the theme of faith and trust in the face of adversity, seeing these moments not as setbacks but as opportunities for growth and service. By embodying God's attributes, such as mercy, we can conquer life's obstacles and achieve genuine spiritual triumph.
As we navigate the path of personal growth, the importance of gratitude and honest self-reflection becomes clear. We encourage seeking feedback from those we trust and taking the time each day to appreciate the divine source that renews our energy. By emulating God's unconditional love and resilience, we can recommit to our spiritual journeys daily, using every challenge as a stepping stone toward deeper connections. With the messages of Elul as our guide, we prepare for the new year, embracing each moment as an opportunity for meaningful reflection and growth. Join us and discover how these ancient teachings can transform your relationships and spiritual life.
Hello and welcome to Dating, Marriage and Divorce Conversations, where we analyze, navigate and troubleshoot all stages of your romantic life. I'm your host, Igor Meiselman, a divorce attorney turned relationship coach.
Speaker 1:Hello everybody, back to the show. For some of you, this is just the end of August, beginning of September. We're heading into the fall season. For others, it is beginning of the month of Elul, a last month in the Jewish calendar before the new year and which famously stands for an abbreviation.
Speaker 1:I am to my beloved and my beloved is unto me, strongly implying that this is a month of relationships, relationship building, relationship repair, coming into that space, space of relationships, relationship building, relationship repair, coming into that space, space of relationships. What kind of relationships do I want to have, particularly my relationship with god, my relationship with the almighty, the all-powerful, the ultimate relationship, in certain way the relationship that is the gold standard of many of my other relationships. And what goes on in that relationship very often is a great indicator of what else goes on in the rest of my life. And because this relationship is the one where we feel tested the most, where we often find ourselves wanting to test the most, it's really a great way to check in and find out. How do we really look at our relationships? Is there anything we're taking for granted?
Speaker 2:Is there anything we're doing that?
Speaker 1:we really want a specific outcome, and that's what's really driving the decision, rather than turning to the relationship and basing it on trust. Rather than turning to the relationship and basing it on trust, relying on the ultimate source to take care of us, to take care of our needs, and to trust that the outcomes that are presented to us are there to serve us, to give us the best opportunity to do what we're meant to do with ourselves, with our energies, with our efforts. The ultimate challenge of the relationship is being able to sit down and ask the following question Can I serve God from this place? That's right. Can I serve God from this place? Very often, right, people will say oh, I have faith in God, of course. Oh, you don't have to ask me twice. Trust in God? Yeah, very important, very important.
Speaker 1:But then the moment something goes wrong whether it's a business deal, whether it's the kids are acting out, whether a dispute with one's spouse then all of a sudden, everything becomes. Why is this happening to me? How could this happen to me? I don't deserve this treatment. I deserve better, I deserve more.
Speaker 1:And there's no pausing to ever say well, I am in this situation and maybe there is a reason, maybe there is a purpose why I am in this situation, and the question that should matter to me is, instead of kicking and screaming and resisting the present resisting what is?
Speaker 1:what is presented before me Instead to actually focus on what can I do to really truly accept the moment, and then that way I can ask myself the question that does matter, which is how can I serve God from this place? This also has a place. This also has place in my life. Moments of challenge, difficulty, struggle have a place in one's life. Moments of challenge are there to help us grow, to change right. There's a reason why we say no pain, no gain. All these things have real meaning. They're not just fluff, they're not just empty words we're saying just for the sake of saying something, to explain or justify, to make things okay. No, the mental pushes to actually think about this difficult question, which is can I serve God from this place? This place is also opportunity for service. Oh, my kids are not listening to me, my spouse is not giving me what I need or is giving me a hard time or is challenging me in ways that is hard for me. Great, this also is opportunity for service.
Speaker 1:Not only smooth magic carpet rides and fluffy moments of life are opportunities for service. Of life are opportunities for service. In fact, I would imagine I'm going to speculate that for God, the sweetest moments of service are the moments where we were stumbling and fumbling and falling on our faces and struggling being ourselves, being with ourselves, being with others and being able to remain focused and dedicated and compassionate, which very nicely brings us to the other, really, really important point when it comes to our relationship with God, which is how can we practice being godly beings, how are we supposed to be like him? And what's interesting is that he actually mandates it. How do I know this? Well, it says so in the Bible. Hashem says in the Torah, god says that I want you to walk in my ways. That's very interesting, because I would imagine God doesn't walk, nor does he have ways, and yet that is exactly what is explicitly being stated Walk in his ways.
Speaker 1:And the question is, how do I walk in his ways? And God himself reveals to us his 13 attributes of mercy. There are 13 attributes that he says. When you emulate these things, when you behave, conduct yourself the way I conduct myself with the world, when you attempt to copy me, when you are being like me guess what? In those moments you are being like me and those are the moments when I actually feel connection with you. Because you are being like me, that means you are joining me in living out the mission in this world that I set out for the world to experience. And I also set out into the world challenges and obstacles and things that will get in the way and will make it very difficult to be able to be like me and to walk in my ways. But that's the whole point.
Speaker 1:I want the victory to be that sweet when you climb that mountain through all the blood, sweat and tears and you get to the other side of it all. In that moment that's the real triumph, that's the real celebration. It's not when it's just served in a silver platter and when the homeless person runs to you and says here, sir ma'am, here's an opportunity for you to be a good servant to God. No, it's precisely when you look and seek out those opportunities, despite the challenges, despite the difficulties, despite the resistance, whether it's natural from the inside, whether it's something external going on that makes it difficult, in order to be able to be a giver, to be other oriented, and yet that's exactly what I'm calling on you to do. God is saying this is my mission. I want you to try to use the 13 attributes of mercy and to recruit them for your service, and you will see that, as you emulate me and you walk in my ways, that is going to bring one more closeness and relationship between you and I, meaning God and us humans and, at the same time, also bring closeness between us and our fellow man. And that, calling that mission statement, is what's going to be the resounding voice for the next month.
Speaker 1:This month of Elul, of I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me, is going to be a month of really truly saying can I take this time when, throughout the year, so many things we're busy with, so many things that are pulling on us, so many things that are demanding our attention, and here's an opportunity where we could just focus on this relationship, on getting this one bedrock, the relationship of true connection, not just conditional, transactional interaction. Well, god, if you do these things for me, then I will also serve you. Well, if these things work out well, then I'll think about you. God, when instead it's no, can you also realize that I am with you in those dark places? Can you realize I am actually with you right now as you struggle, as you deal with anxiety, as you deal with depression, as you deal with sadness, as you deal with lack of affection? Can you realize that I am also here with you?
Speaker 1:And this space is an opportunity for you to express some spark of your divine creation, your divine soul, looking to integrate into itself all the remaining missing pieces, that is seeking to combine to reach completeness. Because if I am being presented I mean think about this if I'm being presented with a specific challenge, think about this If I'm being presented with a specific challenge, is it not maybe in some way a proof that I am meant to go through that challenge? That challenge is for me. That challenge is meant to help me actualize something in my own potential that otherwise will remain dormant and I'll just never actualize or realize this very important potential. And so this is my opportunity to really develop and come to lead some part of my journey and it's an important part of the journey it's important to be able to recognize okay, here are the areas where I'm still not developed, here are the areas where there is more work to do, and so it's time for me to dive in.
Speaker 1:It's time for me to focus on that work and then really explore, think about, maybe speak to somebody like a mentor or a good friend or a partner, spouse, somebody sibling, parent, anybody that we feel could be honest and objective about us in helping us figuring out what else is still incomplete, unresolved in our own journeys, that still needs to be addressed, still needs to be taken care of right, what is still remaining my unfinished business? What?
Speaker 2:a great place to start than to say how do I?
Speaker 1:contact myself in the ultimate relationship. I mean, come on, I wake up every single day and when I wake up, do I pause and say, whoa, I went to bed tired and I woke up refreshed. How did that happen? How in the world did an exhausted body, without being plugged into an outlet like a battery, wake up in the morning fresh? And maybe part of the answer is is that there was the ultimate relationship waiting for me, god, who is every day renewing my energy, renews my strength.
Speaker 1:We say in our prayers right, that the soul, almost as if, leaves the body, replenishes itself and comes back in. So in the morning we could be copper first. So it is to our journey to be able to pause and to have genuine, sincere gratitude, to be really, really filled with appreciation for everything that he's done for us. And then it wasn't just a throwaway, it wasn't just so we could have another day, just to occupy space, just to doom, scroll, you know, and do whatever else we do. There's just a wasteful existence. But he's saying to us look, I'm here to give you this unconditional love. Why? Because I want you to practice being like me. I also want you to give unconditional love. I want you to focus on how you can express these godly attributes that are living within you. And, by the way, how amazing is this right?
Speaker 1:I can blow through the day. I can have a difficult day, unpleasant, not productive, bad in my relationships, and I wake up the next morning. What's God telling me with that message? What's the message, is it not? Look at how much I believe in you.
Speaker 1:You messed up. Don't worry about it, just get back up, shake it off and get back on track. That's the most important thing you could do for yourself is just get back on track. It's nothing more valuable, it's nothing more important. And the way I cherish you is to show you that I want you to have another opportunity, another shot at being able to serve me in the right way, and that is by showing you that you can get up. Even after falling. You can still get up, you can still do it, you can still have an amazing day even after failures and falls. Because that is the point of the journey is to be able to recognize that there is something that is so beyond our faults and tribulations and trials and challenges that lives in us, and that is this divine, beautiful soul, the spark of God that occupies our own inner world and all God is asking for is what gift can you share with me back?
Speaker 1:Gift of hope, show me that you believe, show me that you're still dedicated and you're willing to go through it all in order to continue your dedication, your journey of commitment.
Speaker 1:And if you show me that I know that you still believe in our relationship and you still acknowledge that our relationship is real because you're continuing to make the effort and that's the ultimate expression of our connection not to just write it off or to just say like, oh, this sucks, why am I going through this? This is so unfair. Instead, to say there's something for me to learn in this place, something that's happening now, is a moment of growth opportunity. It's a place where I can go to reflect, to contemplate and to say to myself what does God want me to learn and how does he want me to serve him from this place? In the weeks to come, I'm hoping we'll continue to explore all these beautiful messages that the month of Elul has to offer and we hope we can grab all these opportunities before the great day will arrive in a month or so of the new year and we'll get to celebrate the truly coming close, face-to-face, so to speak, with this ultimate relationship that underlies and builds up all of our relationships in our lives. Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us today. For questions, comments, topics you'd like to hear more about, or to try our 24-week relationship challenge, email us at relationshipreimagined at gmail.
