1 00:00:14,609 --> 00:00:16,640 Bryan: Welcome to the Amplified Marriage Podcast. 2 00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:21,960 We are onto part two of our comparison. 3 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:23,940 Episodes. 4 00:00:24,269 --> 00:00:25,649 First one was a doozy. 5 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:30,030 We had fully intended to go on to something big and move on to 6 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,570 a few points. 7 00:00:30,570 --> 00:00:33,359 We got just hooked onto one and we had some really great 8 00:00:33,359 --> 00:00:33,929 conversation. 9 00:00:33,929 --> 00:00:35,820 You wanna go back and listen to that, but we're excited that 10 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:36,689 you're here for this one. 11 00:00:37,289 --> 00:00:38,070 Let's take a listen. 12 00:00:53,045 --> 00:00:55,265 Natalie: ---Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 13 00:00:55,265 --> 00:00:55,804 I'm Natalie. 14 00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:56,615 And I'm Brian. 15 00:00:56,615 --> 00:00:58,835 Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you hear us say 16 00:00:58,835 --> 00:00:59,674 this every time. 17 00:00:59,674 --> 00:01:03,244 Grab a snack, grab a coffee, sit on the couch, grab a blanket. 18 00:01:03,484 --> 00:01:05,495 We're so excited that you joined us for our chat today. 19 00:01:06,094 --> 00:01:11,254 Bryan: As I said before, we are onto the second part of our 20 00:01:11,254 --> 00:01:14,224 comparison podcast, and boy was the first one a good one. 21 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:14,584 Natalie: Mm-hmm. 22 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:19,715 Kind of took an unexpected, lengthy turn right. 23 00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:22,694 Yeah, I mean, we've got our guidelines of kind of where we 24 00:01:22,694 --> 00:01:25,665 wanna talk or what we wanna talk about, and it kind of just took 25 00:01:26,084 --> 00:01:27,674 legs of its own, which was a really good thing 26 00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:28,125 Bryan: actually. 27 00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:28,605 Yeah. 28 00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,644 And if it was one of those we felt that we just kinda need to 29 00:01:30,644 --> 00:01:31,515 press into that. 30 00:01:31,519 --> 00:01:31,584 Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:31,665 --> 00:01:34,765 Because there's a lot of that kind of comparison where people 32 00:01:34,769 --> 00:01:36,564 are comparing their relationships to other people's 33 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:40,135 relationships or comparing their husbands or their wives to other 34 00:01:40,135 --> 00:01:42,715 husbands and wives that's really causing problems inside of 35 00:01:42,715 --> 00:01:43,525 relationships. 36 00:01:43,525 --> 00:01:43,614 Mm-hmm. 37 00:01:43,855 --> 00:01:44,795 And so that was a really. 38 00:01:45,954 --> 00:01:48,534 It was a really good one and we're really looking forward to 39 00:01:48,534 --> 00:01:50,424 having a, a chat about this one. 40 00:01:50,495 --> 00:01:50,650 Mm-hmm. 41 00:01:51,269 --> 00:01:55,680 Natalie: So have you missed last time comparison creates 42 00:01:55,890 --> 00:01:57,599 resentment was that one. 43 00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:58,920 So if you missed it, go take a listen. 44 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,219 Today we're talking about comparison creates unrealistic 45 00:02:02,224 --> 00:02:02,909 expectations. 46 00:02:07,379 --> 00:02:08,129 Bryan: Oh, it didn't work. 47 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,659 So there's something you. 48 00:02:15,194 --> 00:02:20,564 That's so powerful about people that actually compare to others 49 00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:22,175 that that's actually it. 50 00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:24,014 It seems like it just, it hooks into you. 51 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,775 It grabs onto you, and this becomes part of who you are. 52 00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:27,944 You know what I mean? 53 00:02:27,944 --> 00:02:28,335 Like that. 54 00:02:28,335 --> 00:02:31,615 That's part of, I don't know, like even when we were talking 55 00:02:31,615 --> 00:02:32,235 about it. 56 00:02:32,414 --> 00:02:32,775 Yes. 57 00:02:32,805 --> 00:02:36,944 The last episode, how long it was for you and how often and 58 00:02:36,944 --> 00:02:38,955 how long you were comparing and how it became. 59 00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:42,300 Just not by any fault of your own, like I'm gonna compare him 60 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:42,780 to everyone. 61 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:45,240 Just be like, that's just part of what you did, part of your 62 00:02:45,509 --> 00:02:48,900 everyday walk, everyday behaving with me as your husband. 63 00:02:49,349 --> 00:02:49,919 Natalie: Yes. 64 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:55,080 And there's, I, I would say that it's kind of a sneaky one. 65 00:02:55,919 --> 00:03:02,729 It's not so, I mean, something's obvious, like are more in your 66 00:03:02,729 --> 00:03:04,379 face as far as comparison goes. 67 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,150 And other stuff was sort of like subtle. 68 00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:11,550 Things I'd kind of jab at you with, if that makes sense. 69 00:03:11,580 --> 00:03:12,030 Yeah. 70 00:03:12,030 --> 00:03:12,031 Yeah. 71 00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:16,680 And again it stems from a level of discontentment, 72 00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:17,580 Bryan: right? 73 00:03:18,270 --> 00:03:22,650 And it, I mean, even like, I, I like this dex this next one, it 74 00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:26,530 creates unrealistic, unrealistic expectations even. 75 00:03:28,169 --> 00:03:30,735 Even if the, the, the expectations say you're 76 00:03:30,735 --> 00:03:33,375 comparing me to Bill, I always do Bill or Samantha. 77 00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:36,074 This is how I, even, even when I do, when I preach, whenever I 78 00:03:36,074 --> 00:03:37,844 use someone, it's always Bill or Samantha. 79 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:42,254 So say you're comparing me to Bill and what Bill is doing 80 00:03:42,254 --> 00:03:45,525 isn't unrealistic, but it's not me. 81 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,294 Natalie: And that's right. 82 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:47,365 Right. 83 00:03:47,564 --> 00:03:51,645 It's essentially setting your partner, your spouse up to fail 84 00:03:52,405 --> 00:03:54,805 because it's some level. 85 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:58,495 Of satisfaction that you've kind of conjured up in your head. 86 00:03:58,495 --> 00:04:02,425 It's kind of like we all view Instagram as, like everyone just 87 00:04:02,425 --> 00:04:04,194 shows the highlight reels on Instagram. 88 00:04:04,194 --> 00:04:04,254 Yeah. 89 00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:08,185 No one really shows real life and when they do, 90 00:04:08,365 --> 00:04:09,574 Bryan: and maybe there are some who do. 91 00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:09,775 No. 92 00:04:09,775 --> 00:04:10,794 And when they do, it's still 93 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,425 Natalie: contrived. 94 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:11,814 Right? 95 00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:12,596 It's still planned out. 96 00:04:12,895 --> 00:04:14,574 It's still, you know, photoshopped. 97 00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:16,074 It's still filtered. 98 00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:22,004 Comparison is like that, where you're kind of paying attention 99 00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:24,194 to the highlight reel of someone else's life. 100 00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:25,185 Ooh, that's good. 101 00:04:25,285 --> 00:04:28,675 And you're short changing what you currently have with your 102 00:04:28,675 --> 00:04:29,004 spouse. 103 00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:31,884 And I said the last episode, if you don't like what you are 104 00:04:32,394 --> 00:04:34,274 reaping, you need to change what you're sowing. 105 00:04:35,064 --> 00:04:35,334 Right? 106 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:41,495 So, and this thus, the cycle of unrealistic expectations just 107 00:04:41,495 --> 00:04:42,334 continues. 108 00:04:42,845 --> 00:04:49,084 To feed itself if you are constantly looking elsewhere for 109 00:04:49,084 --> 00:04:53,375 the satisfaction versus cultivating and working hard, 110 00:04:53,375 --> 00:04:54,634 like relationships are hard. 111 00:04:54,634 --> 00:04:55,355 Marriage is hard. 112 00:04:55,355 --> 00:04:55,415 Yeah. 113 00:04:55,415 --> 00:05:00,754 You need to there's, you're not gonna get the relationship that 114 00:05:00,754 --> 00:05:02,704 you want if you don't put any work in. 115 00:05:03,214 --> 00:05:03,574 Right. 116 00:05:03,725 --> 00:05:05,735 And you can't just have it handed to you on a silver 117 00:05:05,735 --> 00:05:10,035 platter or have it, you know watching a show or watching 118 00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:14,235 someone else's marriage in the spotlight. 119 00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:16,485 That's not how, it's not realistic. 120 00:05:16,574 --> 00:05:17,144 Well, and then 121 00:05:17,475 --> 00:05:20,834 Bryan: even trying to, to force, essentially when you're 122 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:23,204 comparing your husband or your spouse to someone else, you're 123 00:05:23,204 --> 00:05:25,004 trying to force them to be like that other person. 124 00:05:25,529 --> 00:05:26,040 That's right. 125 00:05:26,069 --> 00:05:29,490 And saying that, well, what, who you are isn't good enough, which 126 00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:32,339 is not good for the self-image, really not good for your, your 127 00:05:32,610 --> 00:05:35,100 self-worth or your value if you, you're trying to compare me to 128 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,470 someone else, but also you're trying to force him to be 129 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,899 someone else, and so you're not gonna be able to reach the 130 00:05:39,899 --> 00:05:42,209 expectations because you're, I thought you said that the 131 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,519 comparison is like watching Instagram. 132 00:05:44,639 --> 00:05:47,069 If I compare, you compare me to Bill all the time. 133 00:05:47,069 --> 00:05:49,110 You're only seeing the highlight reels and we spend time with 134 00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,970 Bill and Sam and 135 00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:55,230 Natalie: chances are Bill is, Kind of a crummy person. 136 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,329 Well, maybe, 137 00:05:57,449 --> 00:05:58,319 Bryan: maybe, maybe 138 00:05:58,470 --> 00:05:59,250 Natalie: and maybe not. 139 00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:03,300 And even then if, and it's not to say that you can't admire 140 00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:06,329 someone else's relationship and, and say, you know what, like, 141 00:06:07,529 --> 00:06:09,209 we're gonna strive to. 142 00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:11,475 Bryan: Be good communication. 143 00:06:11,654 --> 00:06:12,314 Be good com, good 144 00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:13,394 Natalie: affection, date. 145 00:06:13,435 --> 00:06:17,274 We're not saying that that's wrong, but when you are like, I 146 00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:20,875 would rather trade you out in, in, in not so many words. 147 00:06:20,935 --> 00:06:21,175 Yeah. 148 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:22,704 For someone else, right. 149 00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:25,586 Or hold you to a standard that someone else, you know. 150 00:06:26,305 --> 00:06:29,425 Posted about or someone else in front of people. 151 00:06:29,574 --> 00:06:29,814 Yeah. 152 00:06:30,175 --> 00:06:32,334 Made it seem like their relationship was super awesome 153 00:06:32,334 --> 00:06:33,295 when behind closed doors. 154 00:06:33,295 --> 00:06:34,285 It probably isn't. 155 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:34,845 Right. 156 00:06:35,064 --> 00:06:35,365 Right. 157 00:06:35,370 --> 00:06:37,644 Or it's not as awesome as you've made it up in your mind. 158 00:06:38,185 --> 00:06:38,665 Bryan: Well, 159 00:06:39,444 --> 00:06:39,714 Natalie: yeah. 160 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,584 Right, right. 161 00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:42,964 Like people have said to us, they're like, oh, hashtag 162 00:06:43,495 --> 00:06:43,855 marriage goals. 163 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,644 And we're like, what are you saying? 164 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,584 And they were like, oh, you know when, when cuz we're coming up 165 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:51,814 on 22 years married. 166 00:06:52,714 --> 00:06:53,855 Like, wow, that's. 167 00:06:54,529 --> 00:06:55,699 I just want your relationship. 168 00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:57,290 And I'm like, no you don't. 169 00:06:57,769 --> 00:07:00,199 And they just kind of looked at me and I said, do you realize 170 00:07:00,199 --> 00:07:04,040 the journey that it's, that that has taken place to get us to 171 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:04,759 this place? 172 00:07:04,879 --> 00:07:04,970 Right? 173 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:09,110 Like, you watch what you wish for because you, you, you see 174 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:10,069 what we put out. 175 00:07:10,339 --> 00:07:14,149 You see in one way, sort of like not the highlight reels, cuz 176 00:07:14,149 --> 00:07:18,170 we're fairly honest about our, the crummy things that we've had 177 00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:18,709 to walk through. 178 00:07:18,709 --> 00:07:21,740 But that's a snippet. 179 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,980 Of the journey. 180 00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:25,430 Right? 181 00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:26,060 Right. 182 00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:27,920 And so I think it's, it's the highlight reel. 183 00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:30,920 It's like pull out, you know, if you think that we're great 184 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,519 communicators or you think that well you know my husband is 185 00:07:34,550 --> 00:07:40,069 generous or whatever, then glean that and, and try to cultivate 186 00:07:40,069 --> 00:07:42,920 those characteristics within your own marriage. 187 00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:43,220 Bryan: Right. 188 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:44,310 Well, and. 189 00:07:45,394 --> 00:07:52,925 Even as an, as an example of that the expectations, I was 190 00:07:52,925 --> 00:07:55,235 gonna go somewhere and I think I just, I wanna save that for a 191 00:07:55,235 --> 00:07:56,105 little bit later. 192 00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:58,345 But you remember the, the very first episode we ever did. 193 00:07:59,555 --> 00:08:04,175 Back like three years ago was, it's still in our top five most 194 00:08:04,175 --> 00:08:08,464 downloaded episodes, and the thing about expectations are is 195 00:08:08,464 --> 00:08:11,764 there's a, a few things that need to be a part of those 196 00:08:11,764 --> 00:08:12,605 expectations. 197 00:08:12,605 --> 00:08:14,375 Do you remember those, those four things? 198 00:08:14,404 --> 00:08:15,605 Not off the top of my head. 199 00:08:15,605 --> 00:08:15,935 No. 200 00:08:15,935 --> 00:08:18,545 I don't either is I went and actually looked it up and it, 201 00:08:18,694 --> 00:08:21,154 this is what we communicated, and this has actually helped our 202 00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:23,134 marriage a lot, is that. 203 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,245 If you want to have realistic, realistic expectations about 204 00:08:26,245 --> 00:08:28,884 your spouse, so you're not comparing them to other people, 205 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,865 because bill's highlight reel is gonna be different than your 206 00:08:30,865 --> 00:08:32,784 highlight reel is that there's four things. 207 00:08:32,784 --> 00:08:36,235 It's known, achievable, communicated, and agreed upon. 208 00:08:36,595 --> 00:08:37,585 Oh, right, right, right, right. 209 00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:38,125 Yes. 210 00:08:38,215 --> 00:08:44,965 And we actually have used those four points to, to coach couples 211 00:08:45,235 --> 00:08:49,164 that just had, like I remember along in one of our. 212 00:08:50,899 --> 00:08:54,529 Because, because comparison turns things into something that 213 00:08:54,529 --> 00:08:55,490 it doesn't need to be. 214 00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:55,669 Mm-hmm. 215 00:08:56,210 --> 00:08:56,480 Right? 216 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,360 It turns, it turns your relationship into you want 217 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,679 something, one else's relationship. 218 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:01,850 It turns into, into something. 219 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,909 It can't be because you're not communicating what you're 220 00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:05,850 feeling to your, your. 221 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:06,825 Partner. 222 00:09:07,184 --> 00:09:08,565 You're not communicating the full story. 223 00:09:08,565 --> 00:09:10,154 You're not communicating your full feelings. 224 00:09:10,365 --> 00:09:12,195 And then what ends up happening, instead of actually 225 00:09:12,195 --> 00:09:13,934 communicating more, you communicate less. 226 00:09:13,995 --> 00:09:14,054 Yeah. 227 00:09:14,085 --> 00:09:16,695 And when you are communicating it's negative communication 228 00:09:16,695 --> 00:09:20,144 about you comparing me to Bill and so then I'm being 229 00:09:20,149 --> 00:09:21,884 communicated with, but it's not good communication. 230 00:09:21,884 --> 00:09:22,004 No. 231 00:09:22,065 --> 00:09:24,465 And you're actually putting a block into the relationship. 232 00:09:24,909 --> 00:09:25,149 Not. 233 00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:28,419 And not stepping into, and then we have to actually break apart 234 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,669 the negative communication. 235 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:30,759 Yeah. 236 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,879 Negative comparison into the positive communication, into 237 00:09:33,879 --> 00:09:34,840 moving into something different. 238 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,570 And that's a really hard place to start with. 239 00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:37,809 Right. 240 00:09:37,809 --> 00:09:37,899 And 241 00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:38,799 Natalie: you have to ask yourself. 242 00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:43,549 Do I, is my lifelong goal in my relationship to wake up 243 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,289 disappointed every single day? 244 00:09:45,409 --> 00:09:45,710 Right? 245 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:49,820 Is it my lifelong goal to wake up frustrated every single day? 246 00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:53,815 If you have unmet expectations that are not articulated, they 247 00:09:53,815 --> 00:09:57,664 are not known to your spouse, they are not achievable, and 248 00:09:57,695 --> 00:09:58,884 what was the fourth? 249 00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:01,205 Bryan: It's known, achievable, communicated, and agreed 250 00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:05,735 Natalie: upon and agreed upon, then you are setting yourself up 251 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:06,245 for a. 252 00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:09,934 A world of disappointment, of frustration. 253 00:10:09,934 --> 00:10:10,924 Well, and do you remember 254 00:10:10,924 --> 00:10:15,304 Bryan: early on, and I now, now, after hearing the story about 255 00:10:15,304 --> 00:10:18,725 how much you compared me to other people or Orange County 256 00:10:19,955 --> 00:10:21,485 Housewives of Orange County husbands? 257 00:10:21,485 --> 00:10:21,575 Mm-hmm. 258 00:10:22,174 --> 00:10:22,894 I remember that. 259 00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:28,534 Now that I think back about that was the, you comparing me to 260 00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:30,904 them and not being, not even communicating. 261 00:10:30,904 --> 00:10:33,465 You remember when we had, you talked to me about I had. 262 00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,625 You had expectations of me, but you'd never told me. 263 00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:36,975 You just assumed that I knew. 264 00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:37,754 That's right. 265 00:10:37,965 --> 00:10:42,044 And so would it have been harder in those moments to communicate 266 00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:45,254 Well, he should just know that I need him to take the garbage 267 00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:45,375 out. 268 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:48,254 He should just know that this has to be done to this time. 269 00:10:48,254 --> 00:10:50,865 He should just know because you're comparing me to other 270 00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:50,865 people. 271 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,384 It was like another layer of miscommunication. 272 00:10:53,865 --> 00:10:54,764 Of like misfiring. 273 00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:55,065 Oh, a hundred 274 00:10:55,065 --> 00:10:55,544 Natalie: percent. 275 00:10:56,235 --> 00:10:59,085 And my justification was you have eyes in your head. 276 00:10:59,085 --> 00:11:01,995 Can you not see that the garbage bin is full? 277 00:11:02,355 --> 00:11:02,565 Right? 278 00:11:03,075 --> 00:11:04,455 Oh, that was my justification. 279 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:04,875 Right? 280 00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:09,644 And instead of just saying, Hey babe, could you please take out 281 00:11:09,644 --> 00:11:10,304 the garbage? 282 00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,596 I just sat there. 283 00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:16,455 Probably glaring at you waiting for you to grab a clue, right? 284 00:11:17,095 --> 00:11:20,784 And it wasn't, I mean that was the un the unrealistic 285 00:11:20,784 --> 00:11:24,804 expectation, but it was just, it stemmed from conversations with 286 00:11:24,804 --> 00:11:27,595 other people of like, well, this is what your husband should be 287 00:11:27,595 --> 00:11:28,014 doing. 288 00:11:28,019 --> 00:11:28,294 Right? 289 00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,144 There we go, as man of the house. 290 00:11:30,465 --> 00:11:30,815 Right? 291 00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,684 He should be taking care of vehicle things. 292 00:11:33,684 --> 00:11:36,985 He should be putting gas in the car, he should be doing lawn 293 00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:37,375 maintenance. 294 00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:40,254 Cuz these are the things that husbands do, 295 00:11:40,524 --> 00:11:40,884 Bryan: isn't. 296 00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:44,034 Isn't that kind of conversation a bit of a slippery slope 297 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:44,274 though? 298 00:11:44,845 --> 00:11:45,504 Natalie: A hundred percent. 299 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,004 Cuz I don't mind taking out the garbage and I like lawn 300 00:11:48,004 --> 00:11:48,365 Bryan: work. 301 00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:49,085 Yes. 302 00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,164 That was one way. 303 00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:52,625 And I, I like where you took that. 304 00:11:53,164 --> 00:11:54,575 That's not what I was thinking. 305 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:54,605 Oh. 306 00:11:55,595 --> 00:11:58,764 Because sometimes we have to have conversations with couples 307 00:11:59,504 --> 00:12:02,164 and I will have conversations one-on-one with the man. 308 00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:06,980 And because he, especially if they're, they've been married 309 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,169 just for a few years, there's oftentimes a, a miss in 310 00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:12,570 communication and maybe the wife is comparing the husband, Hey, 311 00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:13,980 my dad used to do all these things. 312 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:14,429 Why aren't you? 313 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,470 Which was actually something that happened with us, like, dad 314 00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:17,190 did this, blah, blah, blah. 315 00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:21,240 The slippery slope, I mean, isn't a slippery slope in that 316 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,019 conversation. 317 00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:24,509 That one-on-one I have to have to say to him, and, hey, you're 318 00:12:24,509 --> 00:12:27,179 not, you're not fulfilling your duties as a husband. 319 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,000 Your responsibility is to take care of your wife. 320 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,279 And the modern date. 321 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,950 Look after your, like, help her look after the home. 322 00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:37,350 You guys, you know, do your chores, do your things. 323 00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:38,879 Take care of her. 324 00:12:38,909 --> 00:12:40,980 Help out how you need to, when you need to. 325 00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:42,179 All of those types of things. 326 00:12:42,509 --> 00:12:44,909 The slippery slipping me is like not pointing the finger and 327 00:12:44,909 --> 00:12:46,259 saying, you're not being the man of the house. 328 00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:46,950 I'm like, no, no, no. 329 00:12:47,445 --> 00:12:50,504 If you're sitting around on your couch playing video games from 330 00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,815 the moment you get up to the moment you go to bed and you're 331 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,965 doing that six months in a row and your wife is upset and 332 00:12:55,970 --> 00:12:58,875 wondering why you're not doing anything, that's when someone 333 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,544 needs to come in and says, Hey, you need to like man up and get 334 00:13:01,544 --> 00:13:03,134 in there and be the man of the house. 335 00:13:03,164 --> 00:13:03,514 Natalie: Right? 336 00:13:03,735 --> 00:13:04,725 And I think that there's an, 337 00:13:04,995 --> 00:13:06,105 Bryan: that's what I mean by slip your slip. 338 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:06,195 Does 339 00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:06,705 Natalie: that make sense? 340 00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:06,884 Yep. 341 00:13:07,095 --> 00:13:10,524 And there's, and it goes both ways because there are lots of 342 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:13,764 men that are on top of. 343 00:13:14,514 --> 00:13:14,904 Everything. 344 00:13:14,909 --> 00:13:16,014 Everything, right? 345 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,894 And I'm one of those guys right now. 346 00:13:18,894 --> 00:13:20,304 You are what 347 00:13:20,784 --> 00:13:23,815 Bryan: I was expecting a use for my sound effect, the rim shot, 348 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:25,404 and you just didn't give me anything. 349 00:13:26,065 --> 00:13:27,024 I'm really upset about that. 350 00:13:27,404 --> 00:13:28,605 Just for those of you who get to hear 351 00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:29,975 Natalie: it, oh, dear. 352 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:36,424 It's one of those things that it's not, there's not a 353 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,894 specific, it's not gender. 354 00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:38,554 Right. 355 00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:40,345 Like the man's supposed to do this and the woman's Right, 356 00:13:40,345 --> 00:13:40,504 right, right. 357 00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:41,465 Supposed to be in the kitchen. 358 00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:41,884 No. 359 00:13:42,304 --> 00:13:46,835 You found a love of cooking and you cook and I love that. 360 00:13:47,855 --> 00:13:49,654 And I don't like when you clean the bathroom. 361 00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:52,086 So I clean the bathrooms and we delegate to our kids. 362 00:13:52,091 --> 00:13:52,355 Right? 363 00:13:52,684 --> 00:13:57,784 So you need to find sort of a system that works for your 364 00:13:57,995 --> 00:14:00,605 marriage and you need to communicate. 365 00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:03,649 If it's communicating different chores and things like that, 366 00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:04,820 then you need to do that. 367 00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:09,409 But you can't look at someone else's tidy house, let's just 368 00:14:09,409 --> 00:14:14,509 say, and look at, you know, your wife or your husband and be 369 00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:15,320 like, mm-hmm. 370 00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:17,179 Right. 371 00:14:17,179 --> 00:14:20,330 Because for all you know they have a cleaner that comes in. 372 00:14:20,705 --> 00:14:21,605 Three times a week. 373 00:14:21,664 --> 00:14:21,875 Yeah. 374 00:14:22,115 --> 00:14:22,745 Do you know what I mean? 375 00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:22,804 Yeah. 376 00:14:22,809 --> 00:14:25,504 And, and it's those hidden things, like you don't, you're 377 00:14:25,504 --> 00:14:26,914 not living that life. 378 00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:30,485 And so from the outside, it looks like, my gosh, like they 379 00:14:30,485 --> 00:14:32,855 have all the time in the world to do whatever, whatever. 380 00:14:33,695 --> 00:14:38,705 And then you just, it causes unnecessary tension and stress 381 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:42,514 in your relationship if you're going to be constantly doing 382 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:42,784 that. 383 00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:43,774 Right. 384 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:45,245 Bryan: And. 385 00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:49,414 Yeah, like, I think even just a, like an encouragement to young 386 00:14:49,414 --> 00:14:52,625 couples, if anyone's gonna listen to this, is communicate 387 00:14:53,284 --> 00:14:57,125 your expectations and your expectations need to be 388 00:14:58,475 --> 00:15:02,195 something that that person that you're with can do. 389 00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:03,034 That's right. 390 00:15:03,039 --> 00:15:03,284 Right. 391 00:15:03,514 --> 00:15:05,914 Like if Natalie had the expectation that I'm gonna be 392 00:15:05,914 --> 00:15:08,355 some kind of amazing car mechanic. 393 00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:11,654 Because Bill mm-hmm. 394 00:15:11,894 --> 00:15:13,065 Is an amazing car mechanic. 395 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,184 Well, why can't you save us a thousand dollars and fix the 396 00:15:16,184 --> 00:15:16,544 car? 397 00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:16,995 Yep. 398 00:15:17,054 --> 00:15:19,335 Well, if I try and save you a thousand dollars and try and fix 399 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,544 the car, I'm gonna have to pay $2,000 to get someone to fix it 400 00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:23,264 after I try to do it. 401 00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:24,434 I guess it's not me. 402 00:15:24,679 --> 00:15:25,100 That's right. 403 00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:27,740 But then Bill may not be able to do like drywall and mudding and 404 00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:28,820 taping, but I can Right. 405 00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:31,730 Like there's, there's, there's skillsets, there's things that 406 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:32,450 we can all do. 407 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,600 And that's, that's where we we're like man and woman, when 408 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,950 you're in a relationship, yeah. 409 00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:38,269 You're doing this. 410 00:15:38,299 --> 00:15:38,990 We're equal. 411 00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,039 We're just different roles. 412 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,090 We just do different things. 413 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,240 That's like, Natalie likes yard work. 414 00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:46,070 I don't mind yard work and I'll do it, but Natalie likes yard 415 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:46,250 work. 416 00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,629 She'll, so she'll do it. 417 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,299 But we know other people whose wives won't touch the yard work. 418 00:15:50,304 --> 00:15:50,549 Natalie: That's right. 419 00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,950 And that's what works for them. 420 00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:52,250 Yeah. 421 00:15:52,549 --> 00:15:52,820 Right. 422 00:15:53,029 --> 00:15:53,870 Can we just talk about. 423 00:15:55,259 --> 00:15:57,149 Media and movies. 424 00:15:57,149 --> 00:16:01,200 Cause I feel like this is kind of, for me, what stemmed this 425 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:05,250 unrealistic expectation of marriage was these romcoms, oh, 426 00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:05,909 they're terrible. 427 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:12,480 And how they kind of depict this perfect, nothing goes wrong 428 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,490 relationship. 429 00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:19,470 Of, you know, a hi, like dotting on each other and servanthood 430 00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:21,029 and all of this and all of that. 431 00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:26,340 And you know, constantly having sex and all of these things and 432 00:16:26,345 --> 00:16:26,820 things like that. 433 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,200 And it's just not realistic. 434 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,870 And I remember before getting married, it was kind of like 435 00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:33,159 this glass slipper. 436 00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:35,695 Fog, right? 437 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,945 Cinderella and the Glass slipper and the man and the Knight and 438 00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:40,345 Shining Armor and Prince Charming and all of that. 439 00:16:40,345 --> 00:16:43,794 And we have all of these, you know, in and of it themselves 440 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,774 are not bad. 441 00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:51,485 But what happens is these are fictitious characters that then 442 00:16:51,774 --> 00:16:53,565 you try to translate into real world. 443 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:58,075 And are incredibly frustrated and disappointed when you're 444 00:16:58,075 --> 00:17:01,315 like, gosh, if, if I'm basing what a relationship should look 445 00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:05,244 like off of that, right, I'm going to, I'm going to be a 446 00:17:05,244 --> 00:17:05,545 mess. 447 00:17:05,694 --> 00:17:10,555 Well, and I, and I think that was part of the problem, was why 448 00:17:10,555 --> 00:17:11,934 can't it be like that? 449 00:17:11,934 --> 00:17:17,174 Why can't you just be like that when we were first married? 450 00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:18,434 Bryan: Right. 451 00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:20,384 Well, and e even if you. 452 00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:28,710 Look at the romantic comedies and so say one of them would 453 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:32,640 have say, an issue of some kind, like mild drug issue or 454 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,059 struggled with pornography or like to go to strip clubs. 455 00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:40,079 Instead of it actually being something that, Hey, we need to 456 00:17:40,079 --> 00:17:40,650 deal with this. 457 00:17:40,654 --> 00:17:41,730 It was always made fun of. 458 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,029 Or or celebrated. 459 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,579 Or celebrated the fact that they would do these things and that 460 00:17:45,579 --> 00:17:48,220 that's normal in the relationship or, and they would 461 00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:51,069 never, it was always like comedy, like, we're gonna, we're 462 00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:54,759 gonna make light of this instead of just like, Hey, this makes 463 00:17:54,759 --> 00:17:55,990 your wife insecure. 464 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:58,450 When, when you're dating and married, you're going to strip 465 00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:00,069 clubs on a regular basis a hundred percent. 466 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,619 And they would just like make light of it. 467 00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:04,269 And that would be that That's okay. 468 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:04,720 Like, 469 00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:05,619 Natalie: no. 470 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:05,859 Right? 471 00:18:05,859 --> 00:18:08,950 Cuz whether you wanna admit it or not, you are comparing your 472 00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,779 spouse that is at home or you're. 473 00:18:11,265 --> 00:18:16,484 Partner that is at home to these unrealistic bodies. 474 00:18:16,484 --> 00:18:17,805 Let's just right. 475 00:18:18,404 --> 00:18:19,365 Call it what it is. 476 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:19,664 Right. 477 00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:22,125 And, and the same thing, you know, when you have multiple 478 00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:22,664 partners. 479 00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:22,845 Mm-hmm. 480 00:18:23,299 --> 00:18:23,384 Right? 481 00:18:23,775 --> 00:18:27,805 And then you find the one you're gonna have that to deal with. 482 00:18:27,835 --> 00:18:30,924 You are going to have that, you know, because we're visual 483 00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:31,174 people. 484 00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:35,964 And so those memories and those images are imprinted. 485 00:18:35,964 --> 00:18:38,575 Those moments, those intimate moments are imprinted in your 486 00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:39,025 brain. 487 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,015 Right. 488 00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:44,964 And the, and it's really hard to separate that and not think 489 00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:48,295 about, not allow yourself to go there when you're being intimate 490 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:49,105 with your spouse. 491 00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:49,255 Right. 492 00:18:49,434 --> 00:18:49,615 Right. 493 00:18:49,619 --> 00:18:50,575 So you need to deal with 494 00:18:50,575 --> 00:18:50,845 Bryan: that. 495 00:18:50,994 --> 00:18:56,424 And all of those things are, are, again, that's, that's the, 496 00:18:56,724 --> 00:19:00,654 the dangers of comparing because of decisions you make even 497 00:19:00,654 --> 00:19:01,525 before you get married. 498 00:19:01,529 --> 00:19:01,835 Right, 499 00:19:02,214 --> 00:19:02,515 Natalie: right. 500 00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:05,394 And I think we can't talk about unrealistic expectations as far 501 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,805 as comparison goes and not. 502 00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,214 Not talk about that. 503 00:19:08,454 --> 00:19:08,724 Right. 504 00:19:09,204 --> 00:19:13,375 Right, because, and you know, I would caution like. 505 00:19:13,855 --> 00:19:15,775 Watch what you watch, watch what you 506 00:19:15,775 --> 00:19:16,315 Bryan: read. 507 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:20,125 And again, even, even our romantic comedies that we watch, 508 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:24,954 even now, that part, like that part is really hard. 509 00:19:24,954 --> 00:19:27,325 Like we have coached couples that have said, very 510 00:19:27,325 --> 00:19:30,025 specifically said I had was with multiple partners before I got 511 00:19:30,029 --> 00:19:30,384 married. 512 00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:30,654 That's right. 513 00:19:30,654 --> 00:19:32,964 We've been married for three years and our sex life struggles 514 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:36,684 because we both, they both had, were promiscuous before they 515 00:19:36,684 --> 00:19:38,095 cleaned up and they got their life together. 516 00:19:38,484 --> 00:19:39,355 They both. 517 00:19:39,414 --> 00:19:42,144 Were struggling in the area of, in, of intimacy because they 518 00:19:42,144 --> 00:19:44,694 were so easily visualizing other men or other women That's, that 519 00:19:44,694 --> 00:19:45,494 they had been with That's right. 520 00:19:45,565 --> 00:19:46,375 In their relationship. 521 00:19:46,375 --> 00:19:48,025 And now it's hurting your marriage. 522 00:19:48,265 --> 00:19:48,565 That's right. 523 00:19:48,569 --> 00:19:51,625 You're short, you're, you're comparing your, you're comparing 524 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,234 your spouse to something that happened 10 years ago. 525 00:19:54,474 --> 00:19:54,954 That's right. 526 00:19:54,984 --> 00:19:56,424 More than like over and over. 527 00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:56,954 That's right. 528 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:57,204 Right. 529 00:19:57,204 --> 00:19:59,875 And that's that's also the dangers of, of living that 530 00:19:59,904 --> 00:20:00,414 lifestyle. 531 00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,515 It's also the dangers of pornography Yes. 532 00:20:02,575 --> 00:20:05,454 Is that you, you see all, like for men, you see all those 533 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,674 boobs, you're going to, you're going to look and you're gonna 534 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,204 compare that to your wife. 535 00:20:09,535 --> 00:20:09,894 That's right. 536 00:20:10,105 --> 00:20:10,375 Right. 537 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,605 And that's, that's unfair. 538 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,355 Natalie: And it, it's incredibly degrading. 539 00:20:14,845 --> 00:20:17,214 Right, right. 540 00:20:17,214 --> 00:20:19,884 So as a woman that. 541 00:20:20,859 --> 00:20:26,809 That would be horrible to be compared to a supermodel who, 542 00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:30,289 you know, has never had kids or honestly, like, works really 543 00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:32,240 hard to attain a. 544 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,839 Her physique and things like that. 545 00:20:33,839 --> 00:20:35,579 And not everyone's created like that. 546 00:20:35,579 --> 00:20:36,059 Mm-hmm. 547 00:20:36,309 --> 00:20:36,660 Right. 548 00:20:36,779 --> 00:20:39,809 And I think that, you know, you know what you married, you know, 549 00:20:39,809 --> 00:20:44,339 what you sort of signed up for, right? 550 00:20:44,339 --> 00:20:44,349 Yeah. 551 00:20:44,349 --> 00:20:47,369 And, you know, babies change things and if you're one of 552 00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:50,640 those people that, that, you know has really good genetics as 553 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,220 far as your physique goes, that's awesome. 554 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,059 Good for you. 555 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:58,019 But the majority of the population doesn't have that. 556 00:20:58,619 --> 00:21:05,144 And so, You letting your mind go to those places and allowing 557 00:21:05,144 --> 00:21:09,795 that to determine the happiness or the fulfillment that you have 558 00:21:09,795 --> 00:21:10,815 in your relationship. 559 00:21:11,424 --> 00:21:13,974 I think you're gonna be really sad, right? 560 00:21:14,305 --> 00:21:16,315 It's, there is no win-win 561 00:21:16,615 --> 00:21:20,154 Bryan: because you like, and it's not, it's not even that. 562 00:21:20,414 --> 00:21:21,714 Let let, I'm gonna say it like this. 563 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,424 It's not even that in the relationship. 564 00:21:23,424 --> 00:21:24,865 You don't love the person that you're with. 565 00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:24,924 No. 566 00:21:24,954 --> 00:21:27,325 You genuinely love the person that you're with. 567 00:21:28,109 --> 00:21:30,900 But if you have your mind filled up with all kinds of things, 568 00:21:30,904 --> 00:21:33,539 other things before you get married, it's gonna follow you 569 00:21:33,539 --> 00:21:35,880 until you deal with it when you do get married. 570 00:21:35,884 --> 00:21:36,101 That's right. 571 00:21:36,105 --> 00:21:37,589 There's consequences for your actions. 572 00:21:37,595 --> 00:21:37,799 A hundred 573 00:21:37,805 --> 00:21:38,099 Natalie: percent. 574 00:21:38,190 --> 00:21:40,740 And this isn't just for those who aren't married yet. 575 00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:43,859 This is something we have to watch while married. 576 00:21:44,190 --> 00:21:44,549 Yeah. 577 00:21:44,869 --> 00:21:45,500 Right, right. 578 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,359 Because it's, it's not, you know, oh well we've made it past 579 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:48,869 10 years. 580 00:21:48,869 --> 00:21:50,279 So we're like, oh, thank God. 581 00:21:50,549 --> 00:21:50,700 No. 582 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,890 You might have made it past a statistic. 583 00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:55,599 But this still will creep its ugly face. 584 00:21:56,569 --> 00:21:58,190 All throughout your relationship, right? 585 00:21:58,190 --> 00:21:59,839 It's one of those sneaky things, right? 586 00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:02,990 Where all of a sudden you allow a door to open, however that 587 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:07,369 comes, and then you begin to look at your partner 588 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:08,329 differently, right? 589 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:13,789 And you begin to almost covet what someone else has because 590 00:22:14,029 --> 00:22:15,950 Bryan: your wife doesn't have it or your spouse doesn't have 591 00:22:15,950 --> 00:22:16,069 Natalie: it. 592 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:16,519 That's right. 593 00:22:16,519 --> 00:22:19,730 And it keeps you your focus off of what really matters, and 594 00:22:19,730 --> 00:22:22,609 that's the person that you're with right on it. 595 00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:23,779 And it has an unhealthy. 596 00:22:24,980 --> 00:22:26,450 Obsession Right. 597 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:29,869 Over what isn't yours and what's not ever going to be yours. 598 00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:30,410 Yeah. 599 00:22:30,769 --> 00:22:34,640 Bryan: And, and, and overall, again, back and all of this 600 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,849 leads back to the very first thing that we said is Syd, this 601 00:22:37,855 --> 00:22:41,210 actually creates unrealistic expectations in your 602 00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:41,809 relationship. 603 00:22:42,170 --> 00:22:42,769 Natalie: A hundred percent. 604 00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:46,269 And and it, this was in your control. 605 00:22:46,269 --> 00:22:47,079 Here's the thing. 606 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:47,410 Yeah. 607 00:22:48,369 --> 00:22:52,269 You control what thoughts you allow. 608 00:22:52,630 --> 00:22:54,220 You control your actions. 609 00:22:54,220 --> 00:22:57,430 You control what you watch, what you see, what you do read that 610 00:22:57,430 --> 00:22:59,109 is in your control, what you read. 611 00:22:59,109 --> 00:22:59,170 Yeah. 612 00:22:59,710 --> 00:23:01,869 You know where your gaze goes. 613 00:23:02,299 --> 00:23:04,750 What what, what am I thinking of here? 614 00:23:05,109 --> 00:23:07,980 What input from other people you're allowing in. 615 00:23:07,984 --> 00:23:08,140 Yep. 616 00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:08,910 Yep. 617 00:23:09,299 --> 00:23:10,319 That's in your control. 618 00:23:10,470 --> 00:23:11,400 And that all matters. 619 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:12,359 Right? 620 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,859 And so you have a choice. 621 00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:14,369 Yep. 622 00:23:14,609 --> 00:23:14,910 Right. 623 00:23:14,914 --> 00:23:16,500 There's a better way. 624 00:23:17,279 --> 00:23:17,609 Yeah. 625 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:17,970 Right. 626 00:23:17,970 --> 00:23:21,599 Grass is greener On the other side is an indicator that you 627 00:23:21,599 --> 00:23:23,460 probably need to water your own grass, 628 00:23:23,609 --> 00:23:23,970 Bryan: right? 629 00:23:24,299 --> 00:23:30,000 And it, it's so easy right now in the current world that we 630 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,599 live in, to not fight for your relationship. 631 00:23:34,170 --> 00:23:35,369 Then just to let it go. 632 00:23:36,210 --> 00:23:38,730 Be like, I'm not happy with how this is going. 633 00:23:38,730 --> 00:23:40,410 You don't look the way I want you to look. 634 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,390 You don't behave the way I want you to behave. 635 00:23:42,394 --> 00:23:44,009 You don't act the way I want you to act. 636 00:23:44,369 --> 00:23:45,869 You're not who I married. 637 00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:47,099 I've heard that one before. 638 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:47,220 No. 639 00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:47,819 Yeah, right. 640 00:23:47,825 --> 00:23:49,799 Of course she's not who you married or he's not who you 641 00:23:49,799 --> 00:23:50,069 married. 642 00:23:50,069 --> 00:23:51,270 They're, you've been together for five years. 643 00:23:51,276 --> 00:23:52,079 People grow and 644 00:23:52,079 --> 00:23:53,519 Natalie: mature and change, and you would hope. 645 00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:55,275 They wouldn't be the same. 646 00:23:55,275 --> 00:23:55,335 Yeah. 647 00:23:55,335 --> 00:23:55,454 You 648 00:23:55,454 --> 00:23:57,345 Bryan: don't wanna marry someone at 20 years old who's a partyer 649 00:23:57,345 --> 00:23:59,325 and you're party, you're with her, and then you grew up into, 650 00:23:59,474 --> 00:24:01,875 Hey, I'm gonna go to work every day and raise my kids, and that 651 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:02,744 person's still partying. 652 00:24:02,744 --> 00:24:02,835 Right? 653 00:24:03,194 --> 00:24:05,234 Like, just like you want to mature your girl. 654 00:24:05,595 --> 00:24:11,595 What I mean though is that right now marriage is in such a, it's 655 00:24:11,595 --> 00:24:13,005 being attacked constantly. 656 00:24:13,009 --> 00:24:15,734 Natalie: Well, and it's just, you know, I'm just trying you 657 00:24:15,734 --> 00:24:16,244 on. 658 00:24:17,214 --> 00:24:20,025 And if I don't like it, it that's okay of, oh, this is not 659 00:24:20,025 --> 00:24:23,295 gonna work out anyway, so I'm gonna like glean what I don't 660 00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,634 want or glean what I do want for the second one. 661 00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:25,904 Yeah. 662 00:24:26,279 --> 00:24:26,640 Right. 663 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,069 And that's just a lot of work. 664 00:24:28,519 --> 00:24:29,690 It a hundred percent is a lot of work. 665 00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:30,299 Right? 666 00:24:30,305 --> 00:24:30,529 Right. 667 00:24:30,529 --> 00:24:35,210 And so if you wanna put that much effort into the first 668 00:24:35,269 --> 00:24:37,789 relationship being a throwaway, how about like what could happen 669 00:24:37,789 --> 00:24:40,039 if you actually put that amount of effort in that relationship? 670 00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:40,430 Bryan: Right. 671 00:24:41,539 --> 00:24:41,839 Wow. 672 00:24:42,259 --> 00:24:45,380 I think my final thought and thought I had for everyone today 673 00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:48,589 is just one, go back and listen to our very first episode we 674 00:24:48,589 --> 00:24:51,650 ever did, and my final thought was, is. 675 00:24:52,835 --> 00:24:57,994 Like work your way out of comparing your spouse to other 676 00:24:57,994 --> 00:24:58,444 people. 677 00:24:58,744 --> 00:24:59,224 A hundred percent. 678 00:24:59,464 --> 00:25:02,285 And I think that eventually in this series we're probably, we 679 00:25:02,285 --> 00:25:04,654 are gonna get to a place, we're gonna talk about how we can 680 00:25:04,654 --> 00:25:07,025 actually break through those barriers and how to stop 681 00:25:07,025 --> 00:25:08,464 comparing your spouse to other people. 682 00:25:08,734 --> 00:25:10,115 We'll give you some practical steps right now. 683 00:25:10,115 --> 00:25:12,365 We just wanna go through some of the issues and that's really 684 00:25:12,365 --> 00:25:12,545 good. 685 00:25:12,545 --> 00:25:13,565 Any final thoughts from you? 686 00:25:18,125 --> 00:25:18,335 Natalie: No. 687 00:25:18,904 --> 00:25:21,244 Well, Here's the thing, right? 688 00:25:21,244 --> 00:25:24,365 We want, everyone wants to be fully known and fully loved, 689 00:25:24,454 --> 00:25:24,575 right? 690 00:25:24,575 --> 00:25:24,845 Absolutely. 691 00:25:24,845 --> 00:25:28,654 And so creating an environment with your significant other 692 00:25:29,105 --> 00:25:32,315 where the, there's trust. 693 00:25:32,525 --> 00:25:32,704 Yep. 694 00:25:32,855 --> 00:25:35,275 Where there is honor mm-hmm. 695 00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:37,894 And where there is integrity mm-hmm. 696 00:25:39,115 --> 00:25:40,615 And it's not insecure. 697 00:25:40,619 --> 00:25:40,904 Right? 698 00:25:40,910 --> 00:25:41,214 Right. 699 00:25:41,275 --> 00:25:45,684 Like my goal with you is to make sure that you don't have to 700 00:25:45,684 --> 00:25:47,335 second guess anything that I'm doing. 701 00:25:47,515 --> 00:25:47,815 Right. 702 00:25:48,055 --> 00:25:48,474 And, and 703 00:25:48,474 --> 00:25:49,045 Bryan: vice versa. 704 00:25:49,134 --> 00:25:49,345 Right. 705 00:25:49,704 --> 00:25:52,345 Natalie: And so we, that's important to us. 706 00:25:52,404 --> 00:25:55,974 That is something that we've established as, as sort of a 707 00:25:55,974 --> 00:25:59,055 rule of thumb or a boundary in our relationship of you will 708 00:25:59,055 --> 00:26:04,934 know what I'm, what I'm up to, so that you don't feel insecure. 709 00:26:05,279 --> 00:26:09,109 And so that I don't sort of put you in a place of just 710 00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:09,619 wondering. 711 00:26:09,890 --> 00:26:10,250 Right? 712 00:26:10,940 --> 00:26:11,539 Bryan: Absolutely. 713 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:12,380 Wow. 714 00:26:12,380 --> 00:26:14,180 We, I love these. 715 00:26:14,180 --> 00:26:14,990 This is gonna be set. 716 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:17,390 This is a great series, what we're into and really looking 717 00:26:17,390 --> 00:26:21,079 forward to completing this and seeing if you have any questions 718 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:21,890 or anything like that. 719 00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:22,730 Just let us know. 720 00:26:23,130 --> 00:26:26,279 It really, if you love this podcast, like we love making it 721 00:26:26,369 --> 00:26:27,420 and you really. 722 00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:29,115 It means a lot to us. 723 00:26:29,115 --> 00:26:31,575 When you share it, when you like it, when you pass it on to other 724 00:26:31,579 --> 00:26:32,414 people, let'em know. 725 00:26:32,414 --> 00:26:33,765 This is all about helping people. 726 00:26:33,795 --> 00:26:33,884 Mm-hmm. 727 00:26:34,125 --> 00:26:35,894 Equipping people, giving you more options. 728 00:26:35,894 --> 00:26:38,505 You can find this on Facebook and Instagram, and again, we say 729 00:26:38,505 --> 00:26:41,595 this all the time, if there's a topic or a question or even 730 00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:41,835 something. 731 00:26:43,005 --> 00:26:45,884 Think in the last episode we said if you have a testimony of 732 00:26:45,914 --> 00:26:48,674 breaking away from comparison or have something you wanna share, 733 00:26:48,795 --> 00:26:49,575 send it to us. 734 00:26:49,605 --> 00:26:52,605 We'll open it and we'll read it onto the the podcast. 735 00:26:52,664 --> 00:26:52,755 Mm-hmm. 736 00:26:53,055 --> 00:26:54,855 Keeping your name anonymous if that's what you want. 737 00:26:55,095 --> 00:26:57,734 But we'd love to hear from each and every one of you as much as 738 00:26:57,734 --> 00:26:58,275 we can. 739 00:26:58,484 --> 00:27:02,694 If you have any questions, this email@amplifiedmarriagedot.com, 740 00:27:02,845 --> 00:27:05,414 amplified marriage gmail.com. 741 00:27:05,855 --> 00:27:07,005 I can speak English. 742 00:27:07,829 --> 00:27:12,029 And as you have heard us say many times, we believe that your 743 00:27:12,029 --> 00:27:15,420 marriage can be reset, refreshed, recharged, and 744 00:27:15,420 --> 00:27:15,960 Natalie: restored. 745 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:16,710 Thanks for listening. 746 00:27:16,714 --> 00:27:17,359 Talk to you soon.