1 00:00:01,143 --> 00:00:03,829 Bryan: Malcolm X said this usually, when people are said 2 00:00:03,888 --> 00:00:07,485 they don't do anything, they just cry all over their 3 00:00:07,525 --> 00:00:10,332 condition, but when they get angry, they bring about a change 4 00:00:10,332 --> 00:00:10,332 . 5 00:00:10,332 --> 00:00:15,617 We are talking about avoiding problems and avoiding issues in 6 00:00:15,637 --> 00:00:19,650 the relationship and the actual physical manifestations, the 7 00:00:19,731 --> 00:00:22,963 stress, the things that come with you not actually dealing 8 00:00:23,062 --> 00:00:26,856 with problems and bringing about change in the relationship and 9 00:00:26,917 --> 00:00:28,484 actually bringing things to resolution. 10 00:00:28,484 --> 00:00:32,113 We know through science and studies that there is physical 11 00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:35,908 symptoms that actually bring a wedge between you and your 12 00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:39,941 spouse, you and your partner, you and your fiance, when you do 13 00:00:39,941 --> 00:00:43,244 not bring things to resolution, and some of those symptoms are 14 00:00:43,365 --> 00:00:46,960 headaches, upset stomachs, elevated blood pressure, chest 15 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,926 pains, maybe you have problems sleeping, there's low energy, 16 00:00:50,027 --> 00:00:54,465 there's stomach problems, got acne, anxiety disorders, burnout 17 00:00:54,465 --> 00:00:56,368 , depression, diabetes, digestive issues. 18 00:00:56,368 --> 00:00:57,631 You get the point. 19 00:00:57,631 --> 00:01:01,652 If you're avoiding issues in your relationship, they may be. 20 00:01:01,652 --> 00:01:04,480 Something may not happen now, but it may affect you a little 21 00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:04,840 bit later. 22 00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:34,948 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 23 00:01:34,948 --> 00:01:38,402 I am Brian, I'm Natalie, wherever you are, whatever 24 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:41,560 you're doing, you hear this say all the time grab a coffee, grab 25 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,543 some tea, get comfy. 26 00:01:42,543 --> 00:01:46,617 But today we're talking about something that is actually 27 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:49,525 extremely important to relationships and to marriages 28 00:01:50,206 --> 00:01:52,531 and just to actually being better communicators. 29 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,325 Natalie: And it's important to us because we have lived in this 30 00:01:56,325 --> 00:02:02,864 state for a long time and sometimes even now, being 31 00:02:02,903 --> 00:02:08,722 married, you know, for 22 years it still tries to creep back in 32 00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:14,730 and you, the tendency to want to revert to old ways of doing 33 00:02:14,790 --> 00:02:17,395 things isn't gone completely. 34 00:02:17,759 --> 00:02:23,254 Like we, I still have to make a conscious choice to not resort 35 00:02:23,335 --> 00:02:27,762 to old patterns of destructive behavior and even, as you were 36 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:33,853 mentioning, you know some of the ailments that come from an 37 00:02:34,013 --> 00:02:36,742 increased state of tension and stress. 38 00:02:36,742 --> 00:02:43,813 I could not help but be like like check, check, check, check, 39 00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:46,007 check, check, check, check, check. 40 00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:50,854 And we're going to talk about that because, as we've been 41 00:02:50,955 --> 00:02:53,884 researching and you know we're not doctors and we're not 42 00:02:53,985 --> 00:02:59,000 clinicians and you know, super grateful that other people are 43 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,276 wired and gifted in those areas to be able to bring about the 44 00:03:03,336 --> 00:03:07,560 research that we're going to talk about today One of the 45 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:12,570 things is is stress and what that does to our mental state, 46 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,242 our emotional state, our spiritual state, our physical 47 00:03:15,304 --> 00:03:20,420 state, and how that applies to conflict resolution and just 48 00:03:21,081 --> 00:03:25,967 being in a state of being able to assert yourself in 49 00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:31,782 communication and not and hopefully, I don't know maybe go 50 00:03:31,782 --> 00:03:34,530 as far as saying resolve some of these issues, if these are a 51 00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:37,487 lot of issues that are stemming from a state of tension and 52 00:03:37,527 --> 00:03:41,942 stress or at least being willing to face them maybe. 53 00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:43,625 Bryan: Maybe that's the like in. 54 00:03:43,625 --> 00:03:44,086 Here's the thing. 55 00:03:44,086 --> 00:03:47,981 Like today, this particular episode is really just a 56 00:03:48,584 --> 00:03:52,354 snapshot, like an intro into what we believe is a real 57 00:03:52,977 --> 00:03:54,502 problem for so many marriages. 58 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:57,233 And we're talking about this like why is this so important 59 00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:57,855 that we discuss? 60 00:03:57,855 --> 00:04:02,591 Because we see marriages that are actually struggling in their 61 00:04:02,591 --> 00:04:06,703 relationship because they're not maybe they're confronting 62 00:04:06,743 --> 00:04:10,399 the issue in some cases, and in some cases we see couples that 63 00:04:10,539 --> 00:04:13,007 that we know, that we coach, that aren't actually addressing 64 00:04:13,026 --> 00:04:13,508 the issues. 65 00:04:13,508 --> 00:04:14,705 So you have both sides. 66 00:04:14,705 --> 00:04:16,456 You got people that are confronting the problem but 67 00:04:16,497 --> 00:04:18,865 never coming to resolution, and those that are avoiding the 68 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,591 problem and still not coming to resolution. 69 00:04:20,591 --> 00:04:23,634 And it still brings about the same result as there's no 70 00:04:23,675 --> 00:04:24,639 resolution and there's stress. 71 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:25,502 And so why is it so? 72 00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:28,129 Because people it's so important , because people in your 73 00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:31,470 relationships, if you're not dealing with them, it can cause 74 00:04:31,529 --> 00:04:34,002 it, it'll cause undue stress, like some of the things that I 75 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,194 read, like the physical ailments , and then, as we go in the next 76 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:41,011 few episodes, what actually is so important and why you deal 77 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:41,252 with it. 78 00:04:41,273 --> 00:04:44,384 Like the now there's emotional and you said spiritual, there's 79 00:04:44,504 --> 00:04:45,867 physical, there's mental health. 80 00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:48,043 That all gets wrapped up into not dealing with it. 81 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:51,497 And so important because it can lead to, ultimately it may 82 00:04:51,598 --> 00:04:55,771 bring you to a place where your relationship fails because you 83 00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:59,367 just avoided the issues instead of dealing with and I don't like 84 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,338 this is the thing you hear that saying, oh, we just swept it 85 00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:01,841 under the rug. 86 00:05:01,841 --> 00:05:05,535 Well, the problem with sweeping under the rug is that 87 00:05:05,574 --> 00:05:10,225 eventually that rug turns into a giant pile and it's just filled 88 00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:12,317 with all the problems that you've just lifted up the rug 89 00:05:12,338 --> 00:05:13,925 and shoved it underneath and it's got. 90 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:17,060 Now it's got anger and anxiety and abandonment and frustration 91 00:05:17,139 --> 00:05:19,932 and bitterness and rage and all kinds of things that are just 92 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:22,663 piled high because you didn't want to deal with it. 93 00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:26,579 That may cause so much problems that you can't come back to a 94 00:05:26,639 --> 00:05:28,004 healthy relationship which. 95 00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:31,617 I say that, but we always really believe that almost every 96 00:05:31,637 --> 00:05:32,923 relationship can be restored. 97 00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:38,928 Natalie: Yes, and stress worsens your situation. 98 00:05:38,928 --> 00:05:41,252 It can worsen the symptoms that you're feeling like it 99 00:05:41,312 --> 00:05:43,464 amplifies, like amplified marriage. 100 00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:49,867 In the wrong way, and it can also worsen certain diseases 101 00:05:49,947 --> 00:05:51,149 that you might already have. 102 00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:54,343 Right like, not everything is caused by stress, but a lot of 103 00:05:54,382 --> 00:05:57,490 things are induced by stress. 104 00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:01,505 Bryan: Right and, that being said, like when you don't come 105 00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:06,122 to that resolution and even in some of our preparing there was 106 00:06:06,182 --> 00:06:06,964 something that we heard. 107 00:06:06,964 --> 00:06:11,822 It was the fight, flight or freeze, and it harms your body 108 00:06:12,524 --> 00:06:16,492 to constantly be in a state where you're your fight or your 109 00:06:16,552 --> 00:06:18,144 flight or you're in a freeze. 110 00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:21,567 Natalie: That's right, because you're you know, your adrenal 111 00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:26,524 glands, or your adrenaline right is is constantly firing, your 112 00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:30,911 cortisol levels are skyrocket, which you know isn't great for 113 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:37,026 health, and, like your organs and things like that, you're 114 00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:40,286 always in a state of am I ready to fight for my life? 115 00:06:40,286 --> 00:06:45,983 Am I ready to run for my life or am I freezing because I'm 116 00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:47,348 paralyzed by fear? 117 00:06:47,348 --> 00:06:50,860 Right, and there's some physiological issues that happen 118 00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:53,850 when our bodies are in a constant state of that. 119 00:06:53,959 --> 00:06:57,127 Bryan: So which one do you think you are or? 120 00:06:57,146 --> 00:06:57,348 Natalie: were. 121 00:06:59,271 --> 00:06:59,713 Bryan: Or were. 122 00:06:59,713 --> 00:07:01,860 Where would be the better way to approach this? 123 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:02,783 Natalie: Between the three. 124 00:07:03,345 --> 00:07:03,584 Bryan: Yeah. 125 00:07:04,848 --> 00:07:05,129 Natalie: Fight. 126 00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:07,307 Bryan: You think you were the fight. 127 00:07:09,999 --> 00:07:12,444 Natalie: Yeah, what you not agree? 128 00:07:12,444 --> 00:07:13,065 No, not at all. 129 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:13,908 What do you think I was? 130 00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:14,589 Bryan: You were the fight. 131 00:07:15,271 --> 00:07:15,432 Natalie: What. 132 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:17,163 Bryan: For the longest time in a relationship. 133 00:07:17,163 --> 00:07:19,312 I would want to deal with things and you would just. 134 00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:22,783 Natalie: Oh, oh, oh okay, I see I'm talking about like when I 135 00:07:22,824 --> 00:07:24,567 was under stress though. 136 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:28,216 Yeah, that's true. 137 00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:30,987 Now I'd say I'd be fight, no, no, because I'm always fight. 138 00:07:31,321 --> 00:07:32,492 Bryan: I'm like which drives you bananas? 139 00:07:32,492 --> 00:07:35,199 Cause I'm ready just to face. 140 00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:39,649 Natalie: In retrospect it was probably flight or freeze or 141 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:40,329 just shut down. 142 00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:43,387 Bryan: Yeah, oh yeah, shut down was a big part of your 143 00:07:43,408 --> 00:07:45,803 repertoire of what to do is like flight, or I just don't want to 144 00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:49,223 talk to you because you're at and let's be honest, like it's 145 00:07:49,264 --> 00:07:52,798 not, like I was like super good at, like we need to have. 146 00:07:52,798 --> 00:07:55,031 You know how you see it in the movies when two people are 147 00:07:55,052 --> 00:07:55,858 really healthy in their relationship. 148 00:07:55,858 --> 00:07:57,930 Or you're reading a book and they're like you know what? 149 00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,735 I think you and I need to have a chat and you're like, okay, 150 00:08:00,754 --> 00:08:03,220 let's go have a chat and they just calmly talk things through 151 00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,456 and at the end there's at the end there's this, this moment, 152 00:08:06,516 --> 00:08:08,855 and the cameras just zooming onto their faces and there's 153 00:08:08,877 --> 00:08:09,220 just pure love. 154 00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:11,942 No, usually by the end of our let's have a chat, it was a 155 00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:15,778 screaming match and we ended up like I slept on the couch or you 156 00:08:15,778 --> 00:08:17,845 slipped into, like that sunset and your rath thing didn't 157 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,088 really work out for us Sometimes . 158 00:08:19,589 --> 00:08:22,326 Natalie: No, and I highly doubt we're alone. 159 00:08:22,747 --> 00:08:23,709 Bryan: Yeah, right, that's true. 160 00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:25,745 Natalie: And I mean our. 161 00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:30,220 One of our major huge struggles and biggest tension, stress and 162 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:37,313 issues in our marriage was finances, and we had mentioned 163 00:08:37,453 --> 00:08:38,738 in several of our earlier podcasts about that being kind 164 00:08:38,758 --> 00:08:39,581 of one of the major Cause. 165 00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,669 We was broke and we didn't spend well when we had money. 166 00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:42,231 Bryan: That's right. 167 00:08:45,808 --> 00:08:47,735 Natalie: You know, we did not steward our money well because 168 00:08:47,754 --> 00:08:49,139 we had an unhealthy relationship with our money, right. 169 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,530 Bryan: And so what we're saying is that this is the beginning of 170 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,725 what we hope is going to be an informative few episodes that 171 00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:58,721 are really going to help you and your partner your spouse 172 00:08:58,743 --> 00:09:01,475 figures some stuff out and actually resolves submission and 173 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:06,595 understand why that there's actual like you can say, like 174 00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:07,538 I'm I'm the king of like. 175 00:09:07,538 --> 00:09:11,854 I can deal with stress, but I've noticed in my older age I 176 00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,220 can actually handle way more than I could when I was younger. 177 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,027 Natalie: But I also am much more aware of what things are 178 00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:22,690 causing me stress and what is it Right and maybe you are in a 179 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:26,197 position where you're like cool, I, I've been feeling some of 180 00:09:26,778 --> 00:09:30,904 these things Right that we've been talking about and the hope 181 00:09:31,245 --> 00:09:35,457 is that maybe you can have a light bulb moment of like. 182 00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:38,345 Maybe I am stressed out, maybe there is tension here that I 183 00:09:38,404 --> 00:09:41,631 didn't realize could be a contributing factor. 184 00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:44,966 Absolutely Obviously, we will never say do seek medical 185 00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:45,467 attention. 186 00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:45,889 Bryan: Yeah. 187 00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,583 Natalie: Absolutely, if you're experiencing chest pains and 188 00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:55,333 you're experiencing um digestive issues and exciting attacks go 189 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:56,179 see a doctor. 190 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,947 We cannot stress that enough. 191 00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:00,078 Bryan: We just want to, we want to go through some of these 192 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:00,220 things. 193 00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:03,547 There are their actual physical , uh like physical 194 00:10:03,668 --> 00:10:07,001 manifestations and some of the language that we were reading. 195 00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:10,379 Under stress, your heart pumps faster, uh. 196 00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:13,508 Stress hormones uh cause your blood vessels to constrict and 197 00:10:13,528 --> 00:10:16,042 you divert more oxygen to your muscles, so you have more 198 00:10:16,121 --> 00:10:17,566 strength to take, take action. 199 00:10:17,566 --> 00:10:21,663 But it also raises your blood pressure and the result frequent 200 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,687 or chronic stress, will make your work, your heart work, too 201 00:10:24,788 --> 00:10:27,273 hard for too long. 202 00:10:27,854 --> 00:10:28,033 Right. 203 00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:30,364 And if you already have like, say you have chronic heart 204 00:10:30,403 --> 00:10:32,908 issues because your family like genetically, this isn't good for 205 00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:33,070 you. 206 00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:33,671 Natalie: No. 207 00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:35,400 Bryan: Right and what. 208 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,214 What we're seeing is even in the studies for people that are 209 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:42,251 doing heart stress or just life stress, is that even if you 210 00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:44,601 didn't have a chronic issue, you can actually stress yourself 211 00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:45,705 into having chronic problems. 212 00:10:45,905 --> 00:10:49,546 Natalie: Yes, and, like I would say, heart palpitations as well. 213 00:10:49,546 --> 00:10:54,182 That was my own experience when , I was when I get stressed or 214 00:10:54,302 --> 00:11:00,253 filled with anxiety or fear or or that, um, how can I describe 215 00:11:00,273 --> 00:11:00,312 it? 216 00:11:00,312 --> 00:11:02,341 Like a narrowing in. 217 00:11:02,341 --> 00:11:08,494 I get chest tightness and chest or heart palpitations where my 218 00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:12,767 heart is like you're almost like going into a, um, 219 00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:17,863 hyperventilating, like hyperventilating where you just 220 00:11:18,123 --> 00:11:20,168 can't control your breathing and things like that, right. 221 00:11:20,168 --> 00:11:26,669 So for me that also um is a symptom. 222 00:11:26,791 --> 00:11:29,682 Bryan: Yeah, Right, Well, and that's even some of the things 223 00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:30,224 that we read. 224 00:11:30,224 --> 00:11:32,230 That's actually fairly normal. 225 00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:34,484 That's like having an anxiety attack your heart's palp, 226 00:11:35,105 --> 00:11:35,385 everything's. 227 00:11:35,385 --> 00:11:37,109 Your heart's palpating, palpating. 228 00:11:37,149 --> 00:11:37,570 Natalie: Yes, right. 229 00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:43,086 Um, another article we read says stress induces chronic 230 00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:49,462 immune activation, which essentially just means that you 231 00:11:49,524 --> 00:11:53,369 trigger your immune system to function and fire at a level 232 00:11:53,448 --> 00:11:54,691 it's not supposed to. 233 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:55,951 Bryan: And it's fighting the wrong thing. 234 00:11:55,951 --> 00:11:56,974 It's fighting the wrong things. 235 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,423 Natalie: Yes, and what they had said, which I thought was so 236 00:11:59,442 --> 00:12:04,144 fascinating, was that it alters health outcomes that resemble 237 00:12:04,203 --> 00:12:06,529 those seen in chronic inflammatory diseases such as 238 00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:10,785 rheumatoid arthritis, which I was floored when I read that 239 00:12:10,865 --> 00:12:15,701 that your response to stress and tension can actually alter 240 00:12:15,780 --> 00:12:19,607 health outcomes and resemble other illnesses and other 241 00:12:19,727 --> 00:12:24,482 implement, like inflammation, illnesses, which is just mind 242 00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:25,044 boggling. 243 00:12:25,086 --> 00:12:29,902 That, for those of us that you know, live in that state of 244 00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:32,187 nervousness, live in that state of always. 245 00:12:32,187 --> 00:12:41,043 You're on edge, like the amount of what's the word I'm looking 246 00:12:41,082 --> 00:12:44,631 for, like the burden that you're putting your body through. 247 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:48,589 It's just, it's overwhelming. 248 00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,677 Bryan: I like how you said it, it's the burden you're putting 249 00:12:50,697 --> 00:12:54,373 your body through, partially because of the the stress around 250 00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:58,114 you, but because you get to a certain place, you're just 251 00:12:58,193 --> 00:12:59,620 choosing this, because that's what you know. 252 00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:02,988 You don't know anything else right right and I. 253 00:13:02,988 --> 00:13:04,913 That's altered immune function. 254 00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:08,187 It can exacerbate symptoms in both physical or physical and 255 00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:09,511 physiological illnesses. 256 00:13:09,511 --> 00:13:12,010 We got all of our information, or some of our information, from 257 00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:13,759 psychology today and the American psychological 258 00:13:13,778 --> 00:13:17,149 association Super detailed and what they had here. 259 00:13:17,369 --> 00:13:20,397 Natalie: We're gonna be referencing them a few times. 260 00:13:20,437 --> 00:13:21,340 Bryan: Yeah, a few times. 261 00:13:21,922 --> 00:13:24,028 Natalie: I thought it was one of the most fascinating things I 262 00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:30,326 had read, as someone who Suffered with anxiety and I was 263 00:13:30,647 --> 00:13:34,580 always at a heightened level- for everything for everything. 264 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,823 It didn't matter what it was. 265 00:13:35,823 --> 00:13:37,288 It could be non triggering. 266 00:13:37,288 --> 00:13:41,080 Triggering there was always an undercurrent of anxiety, and 267 00:13:42,081 --> 00:13:46,890 what this is from a 2016 article from psychology today says this 268 00:13:46,890 --> 00:13:56,745 beware of the exterior in yourself or Others, because here 269 00:13:56,745 --> 00:13:57,086 we go. 270 00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:03,043 Anger is a primary emotion underlying Anxiety right. 271 00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:07,962 I remember when, when I read this the other day, I was just 272 00:14:08,003 --> 00:14:10,990 like you have got to be kidding me, right. 273 00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:17,188 That that's sort of like the undercurrent of anxiety is a 274 00:14:17,249 --> 00:14:18,192 state of anger. 275 00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:21,528 It was surprising to me right, well it's. 276 00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:24,222 Bryan: It shouldn't be like Even in psychology. 277 00:14:24,222 --> 00:14:26,630 They look a minute, what do we know? 278 00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:29,339 Like it's see, if my, my response isn't fight, flight or 279 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:29,500 freeze. 280 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:30,423 It was always fight. 281 00:14:30,423 --> 00:14:34,232 I only had one, and it was always to fight with everything. 282 00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:37,804 And whenever I get and still to this Day, when I get to a 283 00:14:37,845 --> 00:14:42,004 certain level of stress, I just get angry and and how I and how 284 00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:47,844 I face my stress is by dealing with the Problem, but in not 285 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:51,149 necessarily always healthily like dealing with angrily right. 286 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:55,063 And anger is such a powerful motion and and when you're not, 287 00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:57,711 if you don't deal with your anger properly and you don't 288 00:14:57,993 --> 00:15:00,581 like have a proper outlet or learn how to manage it, or learn 289 00:15:00,581 --> 00:15:02,726 how to be like here's the thing that the world doesn't want to 290 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:03,187 hear right now. 291 00:15:03,187 --> 00:15:05,601 Or current current culture is like if you have anger, that's 292 00:15:05,642 --> 00:15:08,139 that's okay, man, like it's it's okay that you feel these things 293 00:15:08,139 --> 00:15:08,139 . 294 00:15:08,139 --> 00:15:09,485 You don't need to control that. 295 00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:09,868 No, no, no. 296 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:13,322 There needs to be a as a man, as a man I'm saying this as a 297 00:15:13,383 --> 00:15:14,769 man you need to control yourself . 298 00:15:14,769 --> 00:15:16,908 You need to have self-discipline. 299 00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:19,600 You need to be disciplined enough to know that, hey, I'm 300 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,908 angry and not lash out so do women. 301 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,272 Yes, but I can't say that to you because you're a woman and like 302 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:28,203 I need you to control your temper right, I know I need to 303 00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:28,907 control my temper. 304 00:15:28,907 --> 00:15:31,759 Well, the only here's the funny thing is your temper. 305 00:15:31,759 --> 00:15:34,349 I know how mad you are by how much French you speak to me. 306 00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:36,517 In the moment, I think that's how. 307 00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,822 That's how I know things are Going poorly, as if I get the 308 00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:39,725 French right. 309 00:15:39,725 --> 00:15:41,668 So anger is a super powerful emotion. 310 00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:46,986 It is something you, if not dealt with, then it'll control 311 00:15:47,027 --> 00:15:47,307 your life. 312 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,230 Natalie: Collins dictionary defines tension as this. 313 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:53,341 We're kind of on the anxiety topic here tension is the 314 00:15:53,481 --> 00:15:56,529 feeling that is produced in a situation when people are 315 00:15:56,750 --> 00:16:00,559 anxious and do not trust each other and when there is a 316 00:16:01,562 --> 00:16:03,748 Possibility of sudden violence or conflict. 317 00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:05,653 So that's Collins dictionary. 318 00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:08,743 It's definition of tension, which I was just like this Just 319 00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:10,359 so there's no. 320 00:16:10,359 --> 00:16:14,626 This is just gonna get better if we keep this attitude of 321 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:15,128 tension. 322 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:18,033 Bryan: Did you ever fear that I was gonna be violent? 323 00:16:19,918 --> 00:16:20,099 Natalie: No. 324 00:16:21,057 --> 00:16:23,143 Bryan: But you knew that you were going to be facing conflict 325 00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:28,783 yes, not violence, and the tough part about this is that 326 00:16:28,884 --> 00:16:30,230 that may not be our story. 327 00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,499 But that may be someone else's, but that definitely is someone 328 00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:36,436 else's story where they fear that the anger because it might 329 00:16:36,515 --> 00:16:42,711 come with violence or some sort of violence, whether it's verbal 330 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:46,206 abuse or emotional abuse or physical abuse like there's 331 00:16:46,225 --> 00:16:48,335 something that happens if you're not dealing with your anger. 332 00:16:48,335 --> 00:16:53,123 And often, but not always often men struggle that a lot more 333 00:16:53,182 --> 00:16:53,683 than women. 334 00:16:53,683 --> 00:16:55,846 I would say yes, in our experience. 335 00:16:57,328 --> 00:17:00,259 Natalie: Yes, I, and we didn't grab a statistic for how many 336 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,224 percentage of men versus women. 337 00:17:02,445 --> 00:17:03,567 Bryan: Yeah, right, go with that route. 338 00:17:03,567 --> 00:17:06,682 But I know that that was definitely my problem. 339 00:17:06,682 --> 00:17:08,217 It was very much. 340 00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:09,240 It was an anger. 341 00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:12,801 Natalie: Yeah, and there's lots of women that are just like that 342 00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:16,664 , right, and I think there's an increase or maybe not an 343 00:17:16,724 --> 00:17:20,198 increase, but more of an open awareness to men who suffer 344 00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:20,619 violence. 345 00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:21,102 Bryan: Right. 346 00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:22,298 Natalie: From women. 347 00:17:22,298 --> 00:17:26,317 Psychology today also says these terrible choose so that's 348 00:17:26,438 --> 00:17:29,144 anxiety and anxiety and anger or the terrible choose, increase 349 00:17:29,164 --> 00:17:32,420 your vulnerability to illnesses, especially upper respiratory, 350 00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:37,417 because it compromises your immune system, it exacerbates 351 00:17:37,478 --> 00:17:42,147 your pain and increases the risk of death from cardiovascular 352 00:17:42,188 --> 00:17:44,359 disease and from all sources of death. 353 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:50,182 Wow, like if that doesn't kind of alert you or wake you up. 354 00:17:50,182 --> 00:17:52,607 Anger is more than an emotion. 355 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:55,423 It's a conduit that intensifies anxiety. 356 00:17:55,522 --> 00:18:01,443 Bryan: Yeah, and we know, we know someone in particular that 357 00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:06,382 lives their whole life on anxiety and anger and they're 358 00:18:06,422 --> 00:18:09,722 constantly sick, they're constantly have physical health 359 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:14,222 problems and they go to the doctor all the time and they 360 00:18:14,262 --> 00:18:16,887 never, ever, get any resolution as to what's going on. 361 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,923 The doctor says stress and they don't want to believe it, but 362 00:18:19,962 --> 00:18:20,324 they're just. 363 00:18:20,324 --> 00:18:23,337 They live in anger and anxiety and when you talk about it, it's 364 00:18:23,337 --> 00:18:26,144 just anger and it's constant, it's constant, it's constant. 365 00:18:26,144 --> 00:18:29,085 Been a doctor many, many times and there's never any health 366 00:18:29,105 --> 00:18:29,871 resolutions for it. 367 00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:31,900 Natalie: Or tools to cope with it. 368 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:32,623 Bryan: Right. 369 00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,200 Natalie: Sometimes like you're launched in a situation that is 370 00:18:35,319 --> 00:18:36,403 not your doing. 371 00:18:36,403 --> 00:18:37,444 Yeah, Absolutely. 372 00:18:37,444 --> 00:18:41,115 And that's what happens when things happen to you. 373 00:18:41,115 --> 00:18:44,767 These effects of tension and stress are like it doesn't 374 00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:48,419 differentiate between if something was inflicted upon you 375 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,565 or you inflicted it upon yourself. 376 00:18:50,565 --> 00:18:50,805 Right? 377 00:18:50,805 --> 00:18:53,862 The end result is the same tension and stress. 378 00:18:53,862 --> 00:18:56,357 This is what happens, and if you find yourself in a place 379 00:18:56,439 --> 00:19:02,839 where you you need to get help in order to be able to see right 380 00:19:02,839 --> 00:19:02,839 . 381 00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:06,663 Hey, this is the result of this or this is a result of something 382 00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:11,320 that you have allowed or that you kind of put on yourself, or 383 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:14,405 that was inflicted upon you without your wanting. 384 00:19:14,405 --> 00:19:21,305 Seeing a therapist, seeing a psychologist or a counselor or 385 00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:22,907 anything so valuable. 386 00:19:23,414 --> 00:19:27,230 Bryan: Well and like even if we were to, just as as you're 387 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,042 talking, just kind of breaking down this thing the the stress 388 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:35,214 that's easier to leave unless you struggle with just taking on 389 00:19:35,214 --> 00:19:35,576 everything. 390 00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:39,023 But a stress that's easier to leave is, say, stress that's 391 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:43,547 environmental, like you go to work, you have to deal with your 392 00:19:43,547 --> 00:19:46,900 job from nine to five or whatever that happens to be that 393 00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:50,319 stress you can leave at work, like you should be able to leave 394 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,438 that at work, right, like sometimes it comes home but but 395 00:19:53,078 --> 00:19:57,795 oftentimes that stress is is something that is external and 396 00:19:57,815 --> 00:20:00,604 like an external stress that you have to deal with, but it's not 397 00:20:00,604 --> 00:20:03,323 emotional, it's not taking up rent in your head or taking up 398 00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:03,904 space in your head. 399 00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:06,625 There's not renting a spot in your head, but sometimes, 400 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:10,862 oftentimes, marriage issues that are compounded or relationship 401 00:20:10,922 --> 00:20:13,875 issues or even friend to friend issues, because they're more 402 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:18,623 emotional and they're more it's not an external issue, it's an 403 00:20:18,731 --> 00:20:22,509 actual relational thing between me and you is that when we can't 404 00:20:22,509 --> 00:20:26,009 resolve this issue, it causes tension and that actually does 405 00:20:26,088 --> 00:20:27,230 rent space in your head. 406 00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:27,570 That's right. 407 00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:29,071 It does take space up in your heart. 408 00:20:29,071 --> 00:20:31,060 It actually affects the things, because it's not something I 409 00:20:31,102 --> 00:20:31,624 can just leave. 410 00:20:31,624 --> 00:20:32,416 I was like I have to. 411 00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:36,165 I go to work, and which is what happens with people is that, 412 00:20:36,606 --> 00:20:41,070 instead of using like going to work so it aids you in your 413 00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:42,696 relationship, when you come home with your wife, they're going 414 00:20:42,717 --> 00:20:44,401 to work to hide from what's happening at home. 415 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:45,284 Natalie: Right. 416 00:20:45,324 --> 00:20:46,547 Bryan: Which is what I did for a long time. 417 00:20:46,547 --> 00:20:49,324 I went to work, worked 15 hours a day, six, seven days a week, 418 00:20:49,434 --> 00:20:50,858 so I didn't have to deal with what was going on at home. 419 00:20:50,858 --> 00:20:53,856 But there's that part, but those things. 420 00:20:53,856 --> 00:20:56,505 What happens is that, because they're piling up, it's external 421 00:20:56,505 --> 00:21:00,029 , it actually does take up space and then it begins to sap your 422 00:21:00,089 --> 00:21:03,382 energy and it saps how you make decisions and it saps all of 423 00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:05,036 that, because it's not an external problem, it's an 424 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:05,637 internal issue. 425 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:06,461 Natalie: Now, that's right. 426 00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:10,501 And it's not just big things like finances or having children 427 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:14,715 or a diagnosis, it's. 428 00:21:14,715 --> 00:21:17,604 It's like let me talk to the people pleasers out there. 429 00:21:17,824 --> 00:21:18,005 Bryan: Yeah. 430 00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:21,961 Natalie: Like I refer to myself as a recovering people pleaser, 431 00:21:22,561 --> 00:21:27,457 because the amount of stress and anxiety and tension that is 432 00:21:27,778 --> 00:21:36,234 that is created by my own doing, of the motivation behind why 433 00:21:36,315 --> 00:21:40,470 I'm doing certain things because out of a fear that they won't 434 00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:43,980 like me or they will judge me or this or that or that, like your 435 00:21:43,980 --> 00:21:46,787 brain is constantly over firing . 436 00:21:46,787 --> 00:21:51,800 My brain was and it was just like the almost make myself sick 437 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:57,298 , trying to be all things to all people and the thought of not 438 00:21:57,337 --> 00:22:01,164 being able to fulfill that role that no one put me in but myself 439 00:22:01,164 --> 00:22:01,164 . 440 00:22:01,164 --> 00:22:02,925 Right was just. 441 00:22:02,925 --> 00:22:10,438 I'm not that I would rather die , but it's overwhelming like 442 00:22:10,479 --> 00:22:16,958 that that you feel like you will , you know, implode if you don't 443 00:22:16,958 --> 00:22:20,616 live up to those expectations that no one put on you. 444 00:22:21,450 --> 00:22:24,013 Bryan: Or, in my case, anyways, for people pleasers in 445 00:22:24,034 --> 00:22:24,415 particular. 446 00:22:24,589 --> 00:22:27,777 Natalie: Yeah, right, and so this is that thing of like 447 00:22:27,876 --> 00:22:30,634 nothing was inflicted upon me. 448 00:22:30,634 --> 00:22:34,210 I inflicted those um which. 449 00:22:34,210 --> 00:22:35,957 Which actually expectations. 450 00:22:35,977 --> 00:22:37,432 Bryan: That's where I'm looking for which actually was really 451 00:22:37,511 --> 00:22:40,934 hard for you and I to deal with at some points, because I am not 452 00:22:40,934 --> 00:22:42,318 a people pleaser. 453 00:22:42,558 --> 00:22:42,700 Natalie: No. 454 00:22:43,410 --> 00:22:45,790 Bryan: And you were, and you would do things, and I would 455 00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:48,660 never understand why are you doing that? 456 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:52,631 It doesn't matter if that person is happy or not, like 457 00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:52,851 that. 458 00:22:52,851 --> 00:22:54,016 That's not good for you. 459 00:22:54,016 --> 00:22:56,992 It's better for them, for sure, and it's actually causing you 460 00:22:57,034 --> 00:23:00,890 both stress and it would, and I would, and I would say that and 461 00:23:00,951 --> 00:23:03,851 I wouldn't argue with you or fight with you about it, and it 462 00:23:03,871 --> 00:23:05,134 just caused undue stress. 463 00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:06,118 Cause I'm not a people pleaser. 464 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:09,119 I'm like why did we have to do it this way? 465 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:12,255 This, this doesn't make any sense and and it just was really 466 00:23:12,255 --> 00:23:13,278 tough at certain points. 467 00:23:13,849 --> 00:23:16,618 Natalie: And setting healthy boundaries at the beginning 468 00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:20,180 created tension and stress because it was so overwhelming. 469 00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:23,155 And I remember my counselor saying what is the worst thing 470 00:23:23,195 --> 00:23:26,853 that could happen if you say no, right, and I was like, oh, 471 00:23:27,315 --> 00:23:28,176 that's a loaded gun. 472 00:23:28,217 --> 00:23:29,059 Bryan: They might not like me. 473 00:23:29,395 --> 00:23:30,128 Natalie: That's a loaded question. 474 00:23:30,128 --> 00:23:33,794 I might be disowned, I might like right and you go through 475 00:23:33,914 --> 00:23:36,194 all of these things that have not happened. 476 00:23:36,476 --> 00:23:36,696 Bryan: Right. 477 00:23:37,289 --> 00:23:40,199 Natalie: But these are the processes that you have to walk 478 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:44,192 through and I'm at a place now where I can say no, and it is my 479 00:23:44,192 --> 00:23:48,372 favorite word because it's empowering right when you can 480 00:23:48,531 --> 00:23:52,935 get to a place of it, of realizing that setting healthy 481 00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:54,440 boundaries is not a bad thing. 482 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:54,911 It's not. 483 00:23:55,010 --> 00:23:59,553 Bryan: It shouldn't induce stress and tension and and the 484 00:23:59,613 --> 00:24:06,479 other thing is is that if you don't resolve them, that 485 00:24:06,538 --> 00:24:10,378 emotional pull, that emotional fight, that emotional strain 486 00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,311 that you're experiencing, it really does spill over into all 487 00:24:13,432 --> 00:24:14,395 aspects of your life. 488 00:24:14,395 --> 00:24:16,592 It goes or life goes into your work, it goes into your 489 00:24:16,612 --> 00:24:17,696 relationships, your church. 490 00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:20,318 Natalie: Depression comes in full. 491 00:24:20,318 --> 00:24:23,675 It's like right after that, if you don't deal with it and you 492 00:24:23,715 --> 00:24:24,578 don't resolve it. 493 00:24:24,578 --> 00:24:29,935 And I and I, I lived it. 494 00:24:30,438 --> 00:24:30,618 Bryan: Right. 495 00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:33,590 Natalie: You brought this sense of like utter hopelessness, and 496 00:24:33,631 --> 00:24:38,609 you're so beat down that there doesn't seem to be a way up, and 497 00:24:38,609 --> 00:24:40,276 so you just perpetuate this cycle. 498 00:24:41,029 --> 00:24:44,820 Bryan: Yeah, do you remember like there's a portion here that 499 00:24:44,820 --> 00:24:45,191 we're? 500 00:24:45,191 --> 00:24:47,911 I think we should actually talk about the effect that I had on 501 00:24:47,971 --> 00:24:48,353 our kids. 502 00:24:48,353 --> 00:24:50,816 Are we willing one of our episodes? 503 00:24:50,816 --> 00:24:54,672 But we, the constant fighting and the stress and the stuff 504 00:24:54,711 --> 00:24:59,619 that we're going to, it becomes a problem and can cause issues 505 00:24:59,701 --> 00:25:03,557 actually in your children and like behavioral issues and there 506 00:25:03,557 --> 00:25:05,753 might be chronic issues because they're so stressed out because 507 00:25:05,753 --> 00:25:08,455 you two are constantly in conflict. 508 00:25:08,455 --> 00:25:12,339 Right, and there's something that was said in one of these 509 00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:14,414 articles I think it was in the APA one. 510 00:25:14,414 --> 00:25:17,917 Often children whose parents aren't happy in their marriages 511 00:25:18,390 --> 00:25:20,972 tend to act out or misbehave as a way of expressing their 512 00:25:20,992 --> 00:25:23,314 feelings Because they're not being heard, they're not being 513 00:25:23,354 --> 00:25:24,659 seen, they're not being valued. 514 00:25:25,352 --> 00:25:26,635 And it's scary to have the kind of thing. 515 00:25:26,635 --> 00:25:27,097 Do you remember? 516 00:25:28,589 --> 00:25:29,488 Natalie: In the Walmart parking lot. 517 00:25:29,609 --> 00:25:30,473 Bryan: In the Walmart parking lot. 518 00:25:30,473 --> 00:25:32,453 We were at odds. 519 00:25:33,410 --> 00:25:34,694 Natalie: Oh, we were like all that. 520 00:25:34,694 --> 00:25:35,557 We had all of our children. 521 00:25:35,557 --> 00:25:36,913 That wasn't when your dad passed. 522 00:25:37,455 --> 00:25:38,259 Bryan: There was just a trip. 523 00:25:38,259 --> 00:25:39,935 We come to visit Katie and Jeremy. 524 00:25:39,935 --> 00:25:43,672 We had come down for a trip and we literally, it seemed like 525 00:25:43,972 --> 00:25:47,954 all we did was fight all the way down for the first few days. 526 00:25:47,954 --> 00:25:51,075 So much so that mom my mom was like are you guys okay? 527 00:25:51,075 --> 00:25:52,314 And we're like yeah, we're fine . 528 00:25:52,314 --> 00:25:52,675 What do you mean? 529 00:25:52,675 --> 00:25:53,097 What's wrong? 530 00:25:53,097 --> 00:25:53,530 Like we're not? 531 00:25:53,592 --> 00:25:53,893 Natalie: fighting. 532 00:25:53,893 --> 00:25:55,472 And the thing is here. 533 00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:56,717 We're so dumb. 534 00:25:56,717 --> 00:26:00,953 Sometimes we had a minivan and we were in the front and there 535 00:26:00,973 --> 00:26:04,372 was the middle seat sections and then the back seat sections and 536 00:26:04,372 --> 00:26:07,753 we thought we were far enough away so we weren't talking very 537 00:26:07,874 --> 00:26:08,276 loud. 538 00:26:09,269 --> 00:26:10,756 Bryan: Yeah, I'm not, but let's be honest. 539 00:26:10,875 --> 00:26:11,498 Natalie: I'm not that quiet. 540 00:26:11,498 --> 00:26:13,316 I'm not that quiet when I'm angry. 541 00:26:13,316 --> 00:26:18,480 But wasn't even thinking about our kids in the back seat 542 00:26:18,730 --> 00:26:19,933 listening to our conversation. 543 00:26:20,454 --> 00:26:21,037 Bryan: Three or two. 544 00:26:21,037 --> 00:26:22,913 We had all three, all three, that's right. 545 00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:25,617 This wasn't that many years ago actually. 546 00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:27,615 It was probably only like eight or nine, 10 years ago. 547 00:26:27,615 --> 00:26:31,057 Well yeah, it'd probably be 11. 548 00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:35,355 Yeah, anyway, and do you remember who was it that said to 549 00:26:35,355 --> 00:26:35,556 us. 550 00:26:35,556 --> 00:26:36,778 Was it Ezra? 551 00:26:36,778 --> 00:26:37,761 What did he say? 552 00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:43,672 Natalie: We were just at odds with each other and he was 553 00:26:43,752 --> 00:26:47,135 watching us and he was sitting directly. 554 00:26:47,549 --> 00:26:51,392 He was in diagonal to the passenger front seat and I just 555 00:26:51,432 --> 00:26:55,615 happened to make eye contact with him and I could just see 556 00:26:56,356 --> 00:27:01,529 the tears welled up in his eyes and spilling down his face and 557 00:27:01,590 --> 00:27:05,755 it like caught me off guard and I looked at him and I'm like son 558 00:27:05,755 --> 00:27:06,798 , what is wrong? 559 00:27:06,798 --> 00:27:12,915 And his little lip was quivering and he's like you are 560 00:27:13,156 --> 00:27:14,461 always fighting. 561 00:27:14,461 --> 00:27:19,532 And I remember I looked back at you and you looked at me and it 562 00:27:19,532 --> 00:27:23,932 was like talk about a light bulb moment Cause. 563 00:27:23,971 --> 00:27:26,952 Bryan: then we looked back at Rainan and Rainan was actually 564 00:27:26,992 --> 00:27:27,394 crying too. 565 00:27:28,609 --> 00:27:29,473 Natalie: And Amherst was still. 566 00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:30,271 Bryan: She was there. 567 00:27:30,271 --> 00:27:31,336 She was like what's going on when? 568 00:27:31,336 --> 00:27:31,696 What was it? 569 00:27:31,696 --> 00:27:36,095 She was still a baby, but you just we looked at the boys and 570 00:27:36,135 --> 00:27:38,636 they were both crying and then, as Rainan said the same thing to 571 00:27:38,636 --> 00:27:40,830 us, you guys just have only cause he was older he could 572 00:27:40,851 --> 00:27:41,192 speak more. 573 00:27:41,192 --> 00:27:44,093 He said you guys only have fought since we've left Prince 574 00:27:44,113 --> 00:27:44,355 George. 575 00:27:44,355 --> 00:27:49,674 And it was in that moment that we like, right there, it was a 576 00:27:49,756 --> 00:27:50,176 light bulb. 577 00:27:50,176 --> 00:27:51,555 It changed us in that moment. 578 00:27:52,089 --> 00:27:55,638 Natalie: And so you know when your children are hurting. 579 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:56,320 Bryan: Yeah. 580 00:27:57,131 --> 00:28:01,325 Natalie: And if that doesn't move you right. 581 00:28:03,769 --> 00:28:05,391 Bryan: Even thinking back to it, you're like man, that was a 582 00:28:05,411 --> 00:28:06,817 hard, that was a hard reality. 583 00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:10,067 Natalie: Brought us to tears and we looked at each other and 584 00:28:10,086 --> 00:28:11,193 we're like what are we doing? 585 00:28:11,374 --> 00:28:13,795 Bryan: Yeah, and we ended up having a really great trip. 586 00:28:13,795 --> 00:28:14,778 I remember that we did. 587 00:28:15,670 --> 00:28:16,854 Natalie: And we're just like kids. 588 00:28:16,854 --> 00:28:20,555 We are sorry, right, and it was kind of, you know, out of the 589 00:28:20,595 --> 00:28:24,034 mouths of babes, right, sometimes it takes their 590 00:28:24,094 --> 00:28:26,976 perspective to snap you out of it, and that's exactly what we 591 00:28:27,036 --> 00:28:31,631 needed, but to say that there aren't issues that spill over 592 00:28:31,932 --> 00:28:36,548 into everyday life and it's a domino effect If things aren't 593 00:28:36,587 --> 00:28:40,281 well with you, things might not be well with the kids, it spills 594 00:28:40,281 --> 00:28:41,507 over into your spouse. 595 00:28:41,867 --> 00:28:45,019 it spills over into your kids, into your home life, into your 596 00:28:45,079 --> 00:28:50,394 family, into your friends, into work, church, school, right, it 597 00:28:50,414 --> 00:28:54,965 just is a domino effect, and so we really want to spend some 598 00:28:55,047 --> 00:28:58,742 time in the next coming episodes and just really kind of break 599 00:28:58,782 --> 00:28:59,204 that down. 600 00:28:59,566 --> 00:29:03,673 Bryan: Well and like, even as we're thinking what's the stress 601 00:29:03,673 --> 00:29:04,977 point in your own relationship? 602 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,851 What is the conflict that you may maybe you may be even 603 00:29:08,892 --> 00:29:12,728 talking about it every couple days, but you're just avoiding 604 00:29:12,768 --> 00:29:13,891 dealing with the issue. 605 00:29:13,891 --> 00:29:15,134 What's the stress point? 606 00:29:15,134 --> 00:29:17,612 What's the thing that you're sweeping under the rug? 607 00:29:17,612 --> 00:29:20,204 What's the problem or the tension that you have in your 608 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:23,355 relationship that's actually causing you physical it's not 609 00:29:23,516 --> 00:29:27,549 only is it emotional harm and spiritual harm, and mental it's 610 00:29:27,630 --> 00:29:31,363 like mental block, but what's that thing that's preventing 611 00:29:31,403 --> 00:29:33,652 your marriage from being the best it could be, because you 612 00:29:33,711 --> 00:29:35,681 are unwilling to face that issue . 613 00:29:36,222 --> 00:29:39,751 Natalie: That's right, right, and the hope is that this will 614 00:29:39,771 --> 00:29:47,809 just be a push, an informative like oh my goodness, perhaps 615 00:29:47,950 --> 00:29:51,396 this is kind of what's going on in my situation, which is, I 616 00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:52,199 mean, we needed that. 617 00:29:52,684 --> 00:29:56,433 Bryan: And our challenge to you is when you hear this and you 618 00:29:57,234 --> 00:30:00,990 know where we're going with it, take an examination of your own 619 00:30:01,049 --> 00:30:04,468 heart, of your own relationship, of your own spouse or your 620 00:30:04,508 --> 00:30:07,138 relationship, and one be accountable for your actions. 621 00:30:07,138 --> 00:30:11,914 Don't expect them to change just because, like you are, you 622 00:30:11,954 --> 00:30:13,259 need to be responsible for you. 623 00:30:13,259 --> 00:30:16,127 But, boy, what are the things that are stopping you from 624 00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:18,276 moving forward, exactly? 625 00:30:18,276 --> 00:30:21,325 So we're looking forward to be able to continue on this. 626 00:30:21,325 --> 00:30:23,931 Just know that there is hope. 627 00:30:23,931 --> 00:30:27,137 Things can be changed, restoration can happen, you can 628 00:30:27,198 --> 00:30:28,867 have a really great relationship . 629 00:30:29,068 --> 00:30:29,730 Natalie: Oh, 100%. 630 00:30:29,730 --> 00:30:30,571 And this is just. 631 00:30:30,571 --> 00:30:34,626 This is just being able to recognize tension and stress and 632 00:30:34,626 --> 00:30:41,282 the effects that that has on your body and then, as we move 633 00:30:41,403 --> 00:30:44,353 into breaking that down to like conflict resolution and why 634 00:30:44,473 --> 00:30:48,066 holding onto tension and stress is so harmful to your marriage, 635 00:30:49,690 --> 00:30:52,536 perhaps it can offer some tools in your tool belt, like it did 636 00:30:52,556 --> 00:30:52,836 for us. 637 00:30:53,157 --> 00:30:53,357 Bryan: Right. 638 00:30:53,357 --> 00:30:57,292 So if you like our podcast, you like what's coming up. 639 00:30:57,292 --> 00:30:59,808 We just means a lot when you share it, let people know about 640 00:30:59,909 --> 00:31:00,731 amplified marriage. 641 00:31:00,731 --> 00:31:04,385 So we ask that if you have a topic or a question or anything 642 00:31:04,405 --> 00:31:06,952 like that, you can follow us on Instagram or Facebook. 643 00:31:06,952 --> 00:31:11,313 You can DM us to those places or you can email us an amplified 644 00:31:11,313 --> 00:31:12,577 marriage at gmailcom. 645 00:31:12,577 --> 00:31:15,507 And, as you've heard us say, you've said these words a few 646 00:31:15,547 --> 00:31:19,057 times in this, in this podcast, but we believe that your 647 00:31:19,117 --> 00:31:23,287 marriage can be reset refreshed, recharged and restored. 648 00:31:23,487 --> 00:31:24,387 Thanks so much for listening. 649 00:31:24,428 --> 00:31:25,048 Natalie: Talk to you soon.