1 00:00:01,983 --> 00:00:04,650 Bryan: Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you 2 00:00:04,709 --> 00:00:09,353 do, why the decisions that you make, the actions that you have, 3 00:00:09,353 --> 00:00:12,087 the way you respond to your family, the way you respond to 4 00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:13,335 your husband or to your wife? 5 00:00:13,335 --> 00:00:14,782 Do you ever wonder why you do those things? 6 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:20,841 Sometimes our decisions are so driven by fear Fear of change, 7 00:00:20,942 --> 00:00:21,864 fear of the unknown. 8 00:00:21,864 --> 00:00:23,268 Fear, fear, fear. 9 00:00:23,268 --> 00:00:29,050 That's what we oftentimes are making decisions and living our 10 00:00:29,111 --> 00:00:30,452 lives based out is fear. 11 00:00:30,452 --> 00:00:33,287 We want to touch on that for the next little while and we're 12 00:00:33,307 --> 00:00:36,040 going to give some practical solutions about what it means to 13 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,661 deal with fear in the relationship. 14 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,604 Natalie: Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 15 00:00:59,604 --> 00:01:00,226 I'm Natalie. 16 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,130 Bryan: And I'm Bryan. 17 00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:02,563 Natalie: I'm going to say this every podcast. 18 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,819 Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, gravity, grab a 19 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,531 coffee, grab a seat on the couch , warm, cozy blanket. 20 00:01:09,531 --> 00:01:11,424 We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. 21 00:01:12,326 --> 00:01:13,109 Bryan: Absolutely. 22 00:01:13,109 --> 00:01:16,908 If you missed it, which has been a little bit a while ago we 23 00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:19,963 actually were uh, want you to go back and take a listen to our 24 00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:22,500 last one, which is talking about the physical effects that 25 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,310 tension has on the body and tension in marriage and how just 26 00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:29,727 holding that stress is a constant issue in the body. 27 00:01:29,727 --> 00:01:31,204 We laid out all kinds of things . 28 00:01:31,204 --> 00:01:34,331 So, if you missed it, go back, listen to the one about tension 29 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:38,048 and, uh, if you have any comments or anything you want to 30 00:01:38,048 --> 00:01:41,141 add to it or say or just challenge us on, please email us 31 00:01:41,141 --> 00:01:42,043 and we'd love to hear from you. 32 00:01:42,043 --> 00:01:43,930 What are we talking about today ? 33 00:01:44,561 --> 00:01:48,932 Natalie: Today we're talking about sort of what causes the 34 00:01:48,971 --> 00:01:49,272 tension. 35 00:01:49,272 --> 00:01:52,147 So I think we started backwards in the last podcast where we 36 00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:56,186 kind of went through um the physical manifestations and some 37 00:01:56,186 --> 00:02:00,123 of the things that you might be feeling as a result of tension 38 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:01,507 in your body. 39 00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:05,028 So now we're going to break down, uh, in this series that 40 00:02:05,049 --> 00:02:08,205 we're bringing forth now, what are some of the reasons? 41 00:02:08,205 --> 00:02:11,960 Some of the um, big ticket items, I guess you could say 42 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:17,048 that contribute to that tension that you might be feeling right 43 00:02:17,449 --> 00:02:19,512 in your marriage and relationship. 44 00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:22,383 Bryan: Absolutely Even what I said in the opening. 45 00:02:22,383 --> 00:02:26,941 I just I think back to when we were early married, just how 46 00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,086 everything was based around financial fear. 47 00:02:29,086 --> 00:02:30,270 Like we had no money. 48 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:33,014 Um, how are we going to pay for rent? 49 00:02:33,014 --> 00:02:34,000 How are we going to pay for food? 50 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,325 How are we going to pay for gas ? 51 00:02:35,325 --> 00:02:37,225 Um, then we started having kids . 52 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,330 How are we going to pay for diapers? 53 00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:38,981 How are we going to? 54 00:02:39,042 --> 00:02:42,390 Natalie: and so fears didn't go away because, we're 22 years 55 00:02:42,431 --> 00:02:47,187 married in and we're still fear still tries to grip us in the 56 00:02:47,326 --> 00:02:52,155 area of finances, in the area of job security. 57 00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:56,527 Um, what was the other one that you had mentioned? 58 00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:58,793 Bryan: Dipers children. 59 00:02:59,240 --> 00:02:59,762 Natalie: Well, and children? 60 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:02,001 Right now, our children are getting older, so then there's, 61 00:03:02,162 --> 00:03:05,251 you know, vehicles, and there's post-secondary education. 62 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:11,640 So I don't think the fear ever goes away, in my opinion, I 63 00:03:11,681 --> 00:03:13,568 think we just learn ways to cope . 64 00:03:13,941 --> 00:03:15,546 Bryan: So probably doesn't take over, right. 65 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:16,943 Natalie: So I wouldn't say that. 66 00:03:16,943 --> 00:03:17,324 You know. 67 00:03:17,324 --> 00:03:18,931 You know, fear the unknown. 68 00:03:18,931 --> 00:03:22,342 You know we've been in our current city for nine years. 69 00:03:22,342 --> 00:03:26,591 There definitely was a fear of the unknown when we moved north, 70 00:03:26,591 --> 00:03:28,074 down south here. 71 00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:34,169 Bryan: So well, and moving from an extremely cheap city versus 72 00:03:34,691 --> 00:03:35,592 an expensive one. 73 00:03:35,872 --> 00:03:39,348 Oh yeah, so like this isn't just something that is like oh, in 74 00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,741 the beginning of the relationship, no, no, this is 75 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,889 something that we battle constantly constantly for it not 76 00:03:44,889 --> 00:03:49,645 to take over and influence every decision, like and for us 77 00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,837 to be emotional about how we're going to make a decision about 78 00:03:51,877 --> 00:03:54,911 our kids, and whether it's finances or what's happening 79 00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:57,540 next with the kids or their school, or what's happening at 80 00:03:57,580 --> 00:04:01,729 church, there's always options for us having experiencing some 81 00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:02,230 kind of fear. 82 00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:06,889 Right, and so, even as we are we , this is what our attention is. 83 00:04:06,889 --> 00:04:10,850 We have what we think is going to be a four part possibly 84 00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:15,441 longer series on just dealing with fear and relationships, and 85 00:04:15,441 --> 00:04:19,769 as we had started researching this, we realized that some of 86 00:04:19,809 --> 00:04:24,423 these topics are big and they're going to require a bit more, a 87 00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:28,701 bit more detail, a bit more digging into and even as we were 88 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,329 reading, like studying on this, you know, like you know, we 89 00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:34,728 went through the laundry list of things that are fear and some 90 00:04:34,747 --> 00:04:36,141 of the traumas and some of the like. 91 00:04:36,141 --> 00:04:37,043 We've experienced this one. 92 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,327 We've experienced this one. 93 00:04:38,327 --> 00:04:40,666 This is one that we've we're struggling with now. 94 00:04:40,666 --> 00:04:42,826 This is and you're just going through this and you're like man 95 00:04:42,826 --> 00:04:45,944 , how and and just. 96 00:04:45,944 --> 00:04:48,230 We want to offer solutions and practical tips of how we're 97 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,810 going to, how to get away from that and some misconceptions 98 00:04:51,372 --> 00:04:52,858 about fear that we want to deal with. 99 00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:54,144 On the very, very last episode. 100 00:04:54,384 --> 00:04:54,786 Natalie: That's right. 101 00:04:54,786 --> 00:05:00,875 And also these are things that you know, I think we can all 102 00:05:00,916 --> 00:05:01,237 relate to. 103 00:05:01,237 --> 00:05:04,322 As we break this down in the podcast to come and tonight, 104 00:05:06,759 --> 00:05:08,966 we've all experienced Some. 105 00:05:08,966 --> 00:05:12,033 We might not be currently experiencing or you might find 106 00:05:12,074 --> 00:05:20,867 yourself in all of them, but the goal is not, you know, to 107 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,038 appear like, oh, you know, we don't ever start with any of 108 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:24,240 this. 109 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,875 We hundred percent I I'll speak for myself I 100% have 110 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:34,990 struggled with all of these that will be Covering and some more 111 00:05:35,190 --> 00:05:35,913 often creep up. 112 00:05:36,213 --> 00:05:40,642 Yeah and so our hope is that, by bringing it to the light, by 113 00:05:40,702 --> 00:05:44,716 bringing it to the surface, where we're not hiding behind 114 00:05:45,526 --> 00:05:48,947 shame and guilt, yeah, yeah and regret. 115 00:05:48,947 --> 00:05:54,994 Let's just face our fear head-on and deal with it right, 116 00:05:55,053 --> 00:06:01,367 and hopefully this will spark a conversation or or Kind of a 117 00:06:01,588 --> 00:06:05,499 self-introspective look on like hey, I actually fit in this 118 00:06:05,538 --> 00:06:06,682 category right. 119 00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:07,665 And I'm not alone. 120 00:06:07,665 --> 00:06:10,911 I think that's the greatest thing to know is that you're not 121 00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:14,216 alone in feeling a fear of the unknown. 122 00:06:14,497 --> 00:06:19,848 Bryan: Yeah and yeah, absolutely , and Just understanding that us 123 00:06:19,848 --> 00:06:23,836 going into this fear this next series actually is so deeply 124 00:06:23,896 --> 00:06:25,317 related to tension in marriage. 125 00:06:26,245 --> 00:06:29,733 Natalie: Oh, these will cause all sorts of opportunities to be 126 00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:33,588 tense in your marriage and like and and you know we went 127 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:37,617 through last time what happens physically physically in your 128 00:06:37,656 --> 00:06:43,771 body when you don't Deal with attention and you don't deal 129 00:06:43,791 --> 00:06:46,637 with conflict in a healthy way, how it builds up. 130 00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:51,447 So Go back and listen to that one, if you've missed it. 131 00:06:51,447 --> 00:06:54,293 Today we're talking about fear of the unknown in regards to 132 00:06:54,435 --> 00:06:58,665 what does that produce Within us ? 133 00:06:58,665 --> 00:07:03,014 And so we I feel like we talk about this almost every podcast 134 00:07:03,153 --> 00:07:08,007 anxiety and stress, anxiety and stress, and it's so Prevalent. 135 00:07:08,007 --> 00:07:12,593 I think a lot of people Struggle in this area, with 136 00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:15,105 anxiety and stress over their mental health. 137 00:07:15,105 --> 00:07:20,716 Absolutely and specifically the area we want to focus on 138 00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:22,199 tonight is all the what-ifs. 139 00:07:23,285 --> 00:07:25,894 Bryan: Natalie is the what-if queen. 140 00:07:25,894 --> 00:07:32,291 Way less, way less now Then you ever were, but I just remember 141 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,497 there is way less, or I just talk about it less. 142 00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:37,250 Natalie: I feel like it's not way less. 143 00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:40,519 Bryan: No, no, no no, you're not wrong, because your personality 144 00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:40,781 is okay. 145 00:07:40,781 --> 00:07:42,228 Here's, here's the thing. 146 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:46,182 If you're an enneagram follower , she's a six and that just 147 00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:46,964 means the loyalist. 148 00:07:46,964 --> 00:07:50,502 But what that also means is that if she walks into a 149 00:07:50,562 --> 00:07:54,129 restaurant and has a dinner for the very first time at a new 150 00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:57,576 restaurant, she has already planned out her exit if 151 00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:58,379 something was to happen. 152 00:07:58,379 --> 00:07:59,670 She's planned out my exit. 153 00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:01,961 If something was to happen, she plans out what would happen if 154 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:02,605 the food was bad. 155 00:08:02,605 --> 00:08:05,091 She's planned out, if the food was good, what she would say. 156 00:08:05,091 --> 00:08:07,415 She would plan out if there was a dirty fork. 157 00:08:07,415 --> 00:08:12,348 Every aspect of that night or Endeavour has already been 158 00:08:12,389 --> 00:08:13,692 played out in her mind. 159 00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:15,976 All the worst-case scenarios and we went to Disney with the 160 00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,307 family, she thought about. 161 00:08:17,307 --> 00:08:22,348 Every worst-case scenario is up to hurricanes, fires, tornadoes 162 00:08:22,348 --> 00:08:25,894 , gang violence well, let's be real here. 163 00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:27,983 Natalie: I already know there was no tornadoes where we were 164 00:08:28,004 --> 00:08:28,305 going. 165 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,591 Bryan: Yeah, but it already looked it up. 166 00:08:29,591 --> 00:08:31,800 I like how you say that like that actually stops you about 167 00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:32,544 worrying about these things. 168 00:08:33,288 --> 00:08:36,341 Natalie: But here's the thing I was just saying this to Brian 169 00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:39,975 before we sat down of, like, all the worst case scenarios, all 170 00:08:39,995 --> 00:08:43,188 the what ifs, all the scenarios in our relationship that I've 171 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,057 not conjured up because they were actually really. 172 00:08:46,779 --> 00:08:50,248 Bryan: they were real scenarios to somebody out there, not to us 173 00:08:50,248 --> 00:08:52,980 , not even to me, not even to the situation at hand. 174 00:08:53,019 --> 00:08:57,009 Natalie: sometimes, but in my mind, and maybe you can relate, 175 00:08:57,134 --> 00:08:58,735 playing the what if? 176 00:08:58,735 --> 00:09:02,610 Game, what if you just up and leave me? 177 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,663 You abandon us, right? 178 00:09:04,663 --> 00:09:08,600 Well, I know, when I read one time blah, blah, blah, not 179 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:15,235 realizing the absolute turmoil, I was turmoil turmoil. 180 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,399 Bryan: I don't know what turmoil is turmoil? 181 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:23,336 Natalie: all the scenarios, all the stress, all the anxiety, all 182 00:09:23,336 --> 00:09:24,298 the tension. 183 00:09:24,519 --> 00:09:28,610 Bryan: I was putting upon myself in an unrealistic situation, 184 00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:33,384 not when you had given me no reason to fear that cave, then 185 00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:36,936 then would you also agree that in that situation you're also 186 00:09:36,995 --> 00:09:41,525 putting undue stress on me, 100% , like, just like adding this 187 00:09:41,586 --> 00:09:44,200 fact that somehow you think I do remember when we went to the it 188 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:48,755 was a Shaw Center or the Rogers Center in Edmonton we were at a 189 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,868 conference, a church conference , and we had gone there and 190 00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:53,092 Natalie was on. 191 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:53,695 We were pregnant. 192 00:09:53,695 --> 00:09:54,557 How many months pregnant? 193 00:09:54,557 --> 00:09:55,961 Like seven or eight months? 194 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:56,140 Natalie: pregnant. 195 00:09:56,140 --> 00:09:58,648 I would say this is in February . 196 00:09:59,255 --> 00:09:59,897 Bryan: I like how you did. 197 00:09:59,897 --> 00:10:05,452 Okay, that was girl math right there, so you were six, or with 198 00:10:05,494 --> 00:10:07,807 our first baby, with our first baby and we've talked about all 199 00:10:07,871 --> 00:10:08,520 the cray cray. 200 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,256 I was yeah, okay, well, the cray cray really didn't. 201 00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:14,871 It wasn't that bad up until this one time where we went to 202 00:10:14,892 --> 00:10:19,623 this, this place, and my workshop was on the exact no, no 203 00:10:19,623 --> 00:10:23,556 , it was in the same building but it was across the far side 204 00:10:23,576 --> 00:10:25,101 of where we were opposite to each other. 205 00:10:25,101 --> 00:10:27,408 She went to see a famous singer . 206 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:28,918 Natalie: I would say Carolyn Arren. 207 00:10:28,918 --> 00:10:31,650 She did a songwriting workshop and it was brilliant, okay. 208 00:10:31,671 --> 00:10:33,518 Bryan: and I went to see some guy teach me how to play guitar 209 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,166 and while we were there we made. 210 00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:39,375 She said to me you don't leave me. 211 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:40,984 I'm like, well, I'm not going to leave you. 212 00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:42,633 She said it as we're driving in . 213 00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:43,860 She said it as we're going downstairs. 214 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,690 She said it when we were standing there and so we had, 215 00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:48,424 like B sectioned this big pole, that this is where our muster 216 00:10:48,445 --> 00:10:49,611 point was at the end of everything. 217 00:10:49,631 --> 00:10:53,501 We were going to meet here with our group and I was, but she was 218 00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:58,663 convinced that hold, she left her workshop early to see if I 219 00:10:58,682 --> 00:10:59,908 had gotten to the muster point early. 220 00:10:59,908 --> 00:11:02,035 I'm like no, I hadn't left yet because mine wasn't finished. 221 00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:06,831 Then mine went long by, only like 10 minutes, but it was like 222 00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:09,678 a five minute walk to this thing and by that time I found 223 00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:16,190 her crying next to B poster, b area, crying sitting on a bench. 224 00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:18,706 No one, everyone else is still in their workshops because 225 00:11:18,726 --> 00:11:19,611 theirs went long too. 226 00:11:19,611 --> 00:11:24,666 And she's crying by herself on this thing, convinced that I had 227 00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:25,267 left her. 228 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:29,619 And this, I'm like I, and that's the thing is that you had 229 00:11:29,619 --> 00:11:33,291 created a situation in your mind that was not real. 230 00:11:33,471 --> 00:11:38,746 That's right and and convinced yourself that this is going to 231 00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:39,008 happen. 232 00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:42,700 But it was in your family, that was something that had actually 233 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:46,433 happened to your sister, and so there was a part of you that 234 00:11:46,475 --> 00:11:48,561 was like, well, he's going to do this to me too, even though we 235 00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:49,945 had a healthy relationship ish. 236 00:11:50,054 --> 00:11:51,919 Natalie: Yeah, it was nothing, nothing at all like that 237 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:52,480 situation. 238 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:56,376 But it's funny how, when you find yourself like triggers 239 00:11:57,438 --> 00:12:01,407 right, and being pregnant was a huge trigger for me but not 240 00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:04,239 realizing, and some some of you might be like, oh, it was just 241 00:12:04,278 --> 00:12:08,196 pregnancy hormones, no, no, no, I'm sure that played a part into 242 00:12:08,196 --> 00:12:11,884 it, but I would not say that that was the only soul 243 00:12:11,945 --> 00:12:12,888 contributing factor. 244 00:12:13,794 --> 00:12:17,303 I wish listeners that we could say to you that it was that it 245 00:12:17,364 --> 00:12:21,376 was pregnancy hormones is not not in my case, maybe for you, 246 00:12:22,639 --> 00:12:28,389 but the amount of energy that that took in a scenario that 247 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:38,730 wasn't real and and I had no there was no landing point for 248 00:12:38,811 --> 00:12:42,357 me to distrust that you would actually show up because you had 249 00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:48,094 always showed up, so I had not even a scenario to hold over 250 00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:48,514 your head. 251 00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:51,652 And even even if I was late, I still showed up you still showed 252 00:12:51,652 --> 00:12:57,586 up right and very rarely were you late, because you value 253 00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:02,035 being on time, so there was no reason for me to distrust your 254 00:13:02,096 --> 00:13:02,398 word. 255 00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:04,485 Bryan: Well, let's go back to the you value. 256 00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:05,932 You know why I valued being on time? 257 00:13:05,932 --> 00:13:08,120 Because I valued being on, because I married you. 258 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:08,562 Natalie: Right. 259 00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:15,794 So um the all that to say the emotional. 260 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:19,846 I mean, I had a headache after I was mentally exhausted, I was 261 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:22,714 emotionally exhausted, in a situation that wasn't even done 262 00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:24,547 to me, but one I had. 263 00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:28,616 I had gone through the mind of he's not here. 264 00:13:28,616 --> 00:13:34,706 So all of my worst fears have come too past now, and then can 265 00:13:34,725 --> 00:13:38,193 you imagine the trauma, the trauma I created for myself when 266 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:38,855 he showed up. 267 00:13:39,376 --> 00:13:41,331 Bryan: Yeah right, I thought you left me. 268 00:13:41,331 --> 00:13:43,414 I'm like I had to go to the bathroom. 269 00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:44,782 Natalie: Exactly. 270 00:13:45,244 --> 00:13:48,057 Bryan: Right, and here's the thing, is that the what is that 271 00:13:48,097 --> 00:13:50,561 you created early on in the relationship, it caused tension. 272 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:53,445 Natalie: It caused fights, undue fights for nothing. 273 00:13:53,806 --> 00:13:57,416 Bryan: Well, at that end I I at the beginning, we said, well, 274 00:13:57,436 --> 00:14:00,947 maybe you're not, you're way better than you were, Right Like 275 00:14:00,947 --> 00:14:04,500 now we have 22 years of me just showing up, and so there's a 276 00:14:04,561 --> 00:14:05,644 part of you has like all right. 277 00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:09,413 And you've also grown and matured and we've grown together 278 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,197 in this and this is quite the same issue. 279 00:14:11,197 --> 00:14:14,615 But the what ifs for quite a few years and early years 280 00:14:14,695 --> 00:14:16,600 probably six or seven or eight years of relationship were 281 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,004 crippling sometimes, that's right. 282 00:14:18,306 --> 00:14:22,514 Natalie: And here I just want to say that when you showed up it 283 00:14:22,575 --> 00:14:24,119 wasn't like I can't believe you're crying. 284 00:14:24,119 --> 00:14:25,965 I told you I was, I was coming sometime. 285 00:14:26,427 --> 00:14:27,269 Bryan: No, no, no, no, like. 286 00:14:27,269 --> 00:14:31,202 Let's be honest, but half the time I bet you was like this are 287 00:14:31,202 --> 00:14:34,331 you kidding me, like you know that I'm going to show up and it 288 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:35,538 in my response. 289 00:14:35,538 --> 00:14:39,587 Unfortunately, sometimes it was triggered by how, how hard you 290 00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:41,971 would come at me with where were you? 291 00:14:41,971 --> 00:14:43,221 Why were you late? 292 00:14:43,221 --> 00:14:45,565 I can't believe you didn't tell me that's right Right. 293 00:14:46,046 --> 00:14:49,196 And and just coming, coming on, glued sometimes and that didn't 294 00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:52,466 happen all the time but I would get upset and frustrated, I mean 295 00:14:52,466 --> 00:14:55,260 , like I've never given you any reason to think I'm going to 296 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:55,743 leave you. 297 00:14:55,743 --> 00:14:58,197 No, and so 50,. 298 00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,605 I know I appreciate you trying to give me props. 299 00:14:59,605 --> 00:15:02,835 It will 50% of the time I'm not responding super healthy like 300 00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:03,076 either. 301 00:15:03,605 --> 00:15:10,261 Natalie: No, but you have also you um what's the word? 302 00:15:10,282 --> 00:15:12,486 Bryan: I don't know what you're trying to say, so I think, 303 00:15:12,869 --> 00:15:14,835 validated how I was feeling in the moment. 304 00:15:14,975 --> 00:15:16,804 Natalie: Oh yeah Is what I meant to say. 305 00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:19,595 Like you didn't just diss like squash. 306 00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:21,565 Bryan: That doesn't sound like me at all. 307 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:27,326 Natalie: My fears in the, in the moment, right, Right afterwards 308 00:15:27,326 --> 00:15:31,835 , when I could rationalize maybe laugh a little logically come 309 00:15:31,894 --> 00:15:34,879 to a healthy conclusion of of working through that. 310 00:15:35,865 --> 00:15:39,932 Um then it was like, oh my goodness, I can't believe that I 311 00:15:39,932 --> 00:15:44,360 responded like that or that I was that way far down that path. 312 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,706 But here's the thing. 313 00:15:45,706 --> 00:15:47,471 You know, one of the things we'll be talking about down the 314 00:15:47,532 --> 00:15:52,727 road here is self sabotage, and how many times can our what ifs 315 00:15:52,788 --> 00:15:56,812 that we play out in our minds actually lead to a physical 316 00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:02,437 ramification of pushing your spouse, pushing your partner 317 00:16:03,038 --> 00:16:06,961 away to a point where it's like you have already categorized me 318 00:16:07,121 --> 00:16:12,522 as leaving you and eventually you get fed up with you. 319 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,089 I'm not speaking like you personally, but hypothetically 320 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:21,176 the person gets fed up of always being the bad guy in a 321 00:16:21,236 --> 00:16:23,480 situation that they were not the bad guy to begin with. 322 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,181 Does that make sense? 323 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:24,500 Bryan: Right. 324 00:16:25,447 --> 00:16:28,681 Natalie: And you create an actual distance between you and 325 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,644 your partner and you and your spouse. 326 00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,325 Bryan: Yeah, which just creates more and more distortion Right. 327 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,287 Which then? 328 00:16:33,386 --> 00:16:38,099 Natalie: eventually, you know Cal's surprise he may walk away. 329 00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:38,961 Bryan: Right. 330 00:16:39,822 --> 00:16:40,464 Natalie: Does that make sense? 331 00:16:40,484 --> 00:16:44,504 Bryan: Absolutely, because there's only so a precursor. 332 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,373 Well, that and like. 333 00:16:45,373 --> 00:16:51,743 Sometimes people may just take, take and take the abuse. 334 00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:57,298 Like I think that once we got, once we got a little bit 335 00:16:57,318 --> 00:17:01,370 healthier, we just kind of we become a bit more brutally 336 00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:03,870 honest over the years, Just like that hurt my feelings. 337 00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:07,971 I don't like what you said, Um and not hold back, but that's 338 00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:12,868 also personality thing, Partially because you had to 339 00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,634 learn to adapt to my personality . 340 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,632 Because I hate Um you're a straight shooter. 341 00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:18,865 Yeah and but. 342 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:22,213 But I don't like is you know that thing? 343 00:17:22,213 --> 00:17:24,464 You see, you see all the time in like romantic comedies. 344 00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:25,929 Well, if you don't know what's wrong with me, I'm not going to 345 00:17:25,949 --> 00:17:26,210 tell you. 346 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:29,249 Oh, it's nonsense, it's nonsense, but that's what people 347 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:29,872 actually do. 348 00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:30,273 Natalie: Yeah. 349 00:17:30,586 --> 00:17:31,650 Bryan: And for the longest time. 350 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,794 That's what you did. 351 00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:33,928 The what if? 352 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:36,526 Scenario would happen and that's how you responded, and 353 00:17:36,666 --> 00:17:39,126 nothing enraged me more Like I. 354 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:42,199 I even with my kids, with my staff at the church. 355 00:17:42,199 --> 00:17:45,009 You know that if you dance around the issue and I find out 356 00:17:45,028 --> 00:17:48,595 before you tell me I'm going to be some upset, yep, and I need 357 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,888 you to be straight with me, like and when, even like, even when 358 00:17:50,910 --> 00:17:51,711 it comes to my feedback. 359 00:17:51,711 --> 00:17:52,755 Just be a straight shooter with me. 360 00:17:53,066 --> 00:17:55,459 So what you did a lot of the times was you would dance around 361 00:17:55,459 --> 00:17:57,907 it instead of just saying, hey, this is what's going on and 362 00:17:57,948 --> 00:18:02,626 expected me to know, based on a feeling or the way you gave me 363 00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:05,767 your cold shoulder shoulder or how you responded to a situation 364 00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:05,767 . 365 00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:09,886 I'm not one to roll over and just take it, but there will be 366 00:18:09,948 --> 00:18:13,496 people, men and women, that will just constantly let that pile 367 00:18:13,615 --> 00:18:17,172 up on each other and, instead of dealing with it, they end up 368 00:18:17,211 --> 00:18:17,633 having that. 369 00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:18,865 That what we call like. 370 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,431 Our pastor says this all the time. 371 00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:21,073 Now it's like my. 372 00:18:21,073 --> 00:18:23,830 One of my favorite things when I'm preaching is to say um, 373 00:18:23,912 --> 00:18:26,808 distance creates distortion, and the way you create distance is 374 00:18:26,893 --> 00:18:30,290 by letting things pile up on each other, compound on each 375 00:18:30,351 --> 00:18:33,348 other and hypothetical situations what? 376 00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:36,604 ifs that aren't even real to your current situation. 377 00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:39,883 It's like you see in the movies or you see on memes all the 378 00:18:39,903 --> 00:18:39,982 time. 379 00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:43,414 Right now, we should do a whole um like video episode, 380 00:18:43,613 --> 00:18:46,750 combating all those stupid relationship videos that you see 381 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:47,800 on online all the time. 382 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:52,539 But the one that that's all the uh you see all the time right 383 00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:54,105 now is is that exact one. 384 00:18:54,105 --> 00:18:57,520 If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you and how the 385 00:18:57,682 --> 00:18:59,282 woman responds, and you're not a mind reader. 386 00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:02,582 Natalie: And how can you be a mind reader to hypothetical 387 00:19:02,662 --> 00:19:04,570 pretend situations I've made up in my head? 388 00:19:04,913 --> 00:19:07,443 Bryan: or the other meme that you see that this one's kind of 389 00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:11,500 funny is is all the time is when , uh, the wife is upset at the 390 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:12,625 husband because he did something stupid. 391 00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:16,103 Instead of coming with me, you went to play poker with your 392 00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:18,423 buddies and your buddies happened to be dogs or whatever 393 00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:21,413 it was, and she's actually upset with you about something you 394 00:19:21,433 --> 00:19:21,996 did in the dream. 395 00:19:23,115 --> 00:19:24,990 Natalie: Oh, oh, that's a whole lot, a whole nother thing. 396 00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:30,013 Those are real funny and that I attribute to a pregnancy. 397 00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:34,133 Bryan: That that was not a real experience at all, folks. 398 00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,472 Natalie: Not only stress and anxiety in the, in the way that 399 00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:40,530 we think of stress and anxiety, but this is a whole different 400 00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,905 spin, a whole different maybe not spin cause it's. 401 00:19:42,905 --> 00:19:44,594 It's legit. 402 00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:44,976 Bryan: Yeah. 403 00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:48,711 Natalie: A whole different perspective on creating 404 00:19:48,873 --> 00:19:53,069 unnecessary stress and anxiety due to playing these what if? 405 00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:53,731 Scenarios. 406 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:54,386 Bryan: Well, and what I? 407 00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:56,114 There's a quote out there. 408 00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,167 I wish I could remember what it was. 409 00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:59,294 But worry kills you before it kills the other. 410 00:19:59,294 --> 00:20:02,090 Ooh, I don't think that's the actual quote. 411 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:03,147 That's just what I said right now. 412 00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,613 Natalie: Well worry, yeah, that's right. 413 00:20:05,644 --> 00:20:08,692 Bryan: Worry kills you before it will kill the other, because I 414 00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:12,249 I know you're worried, but that's like a worry enough for 415 00:20:12,269 --> 00:20:16,057 everybody but that worry doesn't like I'm I get. 416 00:20:16,057 --> 00:20:16,699 This is the thing. 417 00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:18,711 There's not one person on the planet. 418 00:20:18,711 --> 00:20:21,112 There's probably one person on the planet that nothing will 419 00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:21,393 bother. 420 00:20:21,693 --> 00:20:21,894 Natalie: Right. 421 00:20:22,126 --> 00:20:25,308 Bryan: I am not bothered by a lot of things, but I'm that 422 00:20:25,368 --> 00:20:27,513 doesn't mean how to say this. 423 00:20:27,513 --> 00:20:29,077 I'm not bothered by a lot. 424 00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:30,730 Well it will. 425 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,200 I will lose sleep over it. 426 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,184 You know what I mean. 427 00:20:33,184 --> 00:20:35,361 Like, I can handle a lot. 428 00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:35,944 My shoulders are big. 429 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:39,067 I can take, I can take a beating, I can take a lashing I 430 00:20:39,106 --> 00:20:39,469 can take. 431 00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:40,712 I can take a lot. 432 00:20:40,712 --> 00:20:43,182 That doesn't mean like and and not. 433 00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:45,651 A lot bothers me, but that doesn't mean sometimes I'm not 434 00:20:45,671 --> 00:20:46,815 carrying the weight of those things. 435 00:20:46,894 --> 00:20:48,980 Natalie: That's right, you just, you just process it differently 436 00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:48,980 . 437 00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,739 Yeah, I just yeah, I process it by replaying it over and over 438 00:20:51,778 --> 00:20:54,394 and, over and over and over, and , in certain yeah, in certain 439 00:20:54,414 --> 00:20:56,105 scenarios, with certain people, I will do the same thing. 440 00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:58,913 And it's, it's awful. 441 00:20:58,913 --> 00:21:02,565 But here's, like um the, the precursor to the next one. 442 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:05,123 We want to talk about all these what if? 443 00:21:05,123 --> 00:21:05,345 Situations. 444 00:21:05,345 --> 00:21:10,308 So we talk about, like I'm creating these escape plans, I'm 445 00:21:10,308 --> 00:21:15,703 creating these um fake scenarios and having a way, 446 00:21:15,723 --> 00:21:21,060 should there be an emergency, of how I'm going to self preserve 447 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,144 the life of myself. 448 00:21:22,144 --> 00:21:26,663 You, my children, my friends, whoever I'm with, stems from a 449 00:21:26,742 --> 00:21:29,134 feeling of loss of control, which is the second one. 450 00:21:31,106 --> 00:21:35,236 Bryan: How often just be told just as have you felt in control 451 00:21:35,236 --> 00:21:36,799 and in. 452 00:21:36,819 --> 00:21:39,105 Natalie: In my life. 453 00:21:39,768 --> 00:21:43,730 Bryan: Well, in plans that we've made together, Was it? 454 00:21:43,730 --> 00:21:47,410 There's a military saying said plans are plans Don't survive 455 00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:48,334 contact with the enemy. 456 00:21:48,334 --> 00:21:49,397 Literally. 457 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:50,603 Natalie: Am I the enemy? 458 00:21:50,603 --> 00:21:51,025 No, you're not. 459 00:21:51,125 --> 00:21:51,547 Bryan: No, you're not. 460 00:21:51,547 --> 00:21:57,172 Well, depends on the day, it depends on the what if scenario. 461 00:21:57,172 --> 00:22:00,314 No, I mean, like this is the thing. 462 00:22:00,314 --> 00:22:01,846 We've made all kinds of plans we're going to. 463 00:22:01,846 --> 00:22:04,013 We're going to plan this, we're going to save money. 464 00:22:04,013 --> 00:22:06,673 We're going to in three years, this is what we want to do. 465 00:22:07,424 --> 00:22:08,228 Natalie: And it's never. 466 00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:10,875 Bryan: I shouldn't say never because I don't want to quantify 467 00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:14,434 but I would say 75% of the time the plan adjusted and changed 468 00:22:14,474 --> 00:22:15,849 from what we originally thought it was going to be. 469 00:22:15,924 --> 00:22:16,829 Natalie: And it's so maddening. 470 00:22:18,048 --> 00:22:20,957 Bryan: And here's the here's the difference between you and I is 471 00:22:20,957 --> 00:22:23,644 that I adapt really quickly to change and I do not. 472 00:22:24,224 --> 00:22:25,700 Natalie: And I know that about myself. 473 00:22:25,803 --> 00:22:26,541 Bryan: You do not. 474 00:22:26,541 --> 00:22:31,410 In fact, sometimes I'm dragging her over to the side of change, 475 00:22:31,410 --> 00:22:35,728 quick kicking and screaming with vehemence and violence and 476 00:22:35,748 --> 00:22:37,365 she just is like I do not want to change. 477 00:22:37,365 --> 00:22:41,676 And she's so routine, based like bed, at the same time, same 478 00:22:41,676 --> 00:22:43,703 routine when she goes to bed. 479 00:22:44,672 --> 00:22:45,398 Natalie: You know who I'm like. 480 00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:48,255 If any of you have seen bugs, you've seen bugs life, the part 481 00:22:48,295 --> 00:22:53,315 of bugs life where all the ants are going in a row and a leaf 482 00:22:53,536 --> 00:22:57,693 falls and the leaf goes and falls between, oh, the two ants 483 00:22:57,875 --> 00:22:59,085 where they were in their chain. 484 00:22:59,165 --> 00:23:03,732 One section continues going and the other section is in a sheer 485 00:23:03,834 --> 00:23:06,481 panic because there's a leaf blocking their way. 486 00:23:06,481 --> 00:23:10,029 We don't know what to do, we don't know where to go, and then 487 00:23:10,029 --> 00:23:13,659 , and then there's this whole big thing about just go around. 488 00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,836 That is me, that is me. 489 00:23:16,921 --> 00:23:19,829 Bryan: That is the most apt description of how it is for you 490 00:23:19,829 --> 00:23:19,829 . 491 00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:22,267 Natalie: Um, and I'm a creature of habit, and I'll be the first 492 00:23:22,307 --> 00:23:25,163 to say that that is to my betterment, but also to my 493 00:23:25,202 --> 00:23:30,324 demise because there comes a sense of feeling, uh, a loss of 494 00:23:30,704 --> 00:23:31,749 of control in the situation. 495 00:23:31,749 --> 00:23:34,929 Honestly, the only thing I can control is myself. 496 00:23:35,109 --> 00:23:37,724 Bryan: Yeah, and you can only control your response to that 497 00:23:37,785 --> 00:23:38,507 loss of control. 498 00:23:38,646 --> 00:23:39,388 Natalie: Should I react? 499 00:23:39,388 --> 00:23:40,792 I'm in control of that. 500 00:23:40,792 --> 00:23:43,107 What I choose to say, what my thoughts are, those are the 501 00:23:43,147 --> 00:23:44,922 things that I can actually control. 502 00:23:44,922 --> 00:23:53,095 But if fear is steering the ship, um, it's, it's going to. 503 00:23:53,095 --> 00:23:55,807 It's not going to lead to a feeling of stability right. 504 00:23:57,961 --> 00:24:02,561 And in in our marriage it has led to okay, well, if I've got 505 00:24:02,582 --> 00:24:06,964 everything planned out right Emergency plans, emergency 506 00:24:07,025 --> 00:24:12,799 procedures um, feeling a loss control means that we're 507 00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:18,171 steering in uncharted waters, um into like a big fog. 508 00:24:18,171 --> 00:24:21,305 If you're a visual person and you cannot see if you're going 509 00:24:21,365 --> 00:24:24,560 north, south, east or west, where's the path back, where's 510 00:24:24,681 --> 00:24:25,462 our, our? 511 00:24:25,462 --> 00:24:30,032 Um like landmarks that we can fixate on. 512 00:24:30,032 --> 00:24:32,124 Okay, this is the way we get back. 513 00:24:32,124 --> 00:24:36,413 Feeling of of loss of control is that very thing. 514 00:24:36,413 --> 00:24:37,846 There's no sure way. 515 00:24:38,299 --> 00:24:40,566 Bryan: You know that you just stole my analogy without me you 516 00:24:40,586 --> 00:24:41,488 knowing I was going to use it. 517 00:24:41,488 --> 00:24:43,132 I did yes. 518 00:24:43,132 --> 00:24:44,965 Well, come on. 519 00:24:44,965 --> 00:24:49,595 The analogy I was going to use about fear is is that, um, when 520 00:24:50,037 --> 00:24:54,089 you begin to experience fears, when you leave the harbor, where 521 00:24:54,089 --> 00:24:58,425 the harbor is calm and relaxed and it's familiar, and there's 522 00:24:58,526 --> 00:25:00,513 peace there and you're about to go? 523 00:25:00,714 --> 00:25:02,722 out onto the and secure and you're going to. 524 00:25:02,722 --> 00:25:03,948 Yeah, you're tied to the dock. 525 00:25:03,948 --> 00:25:06,039 You know nothing's going to happen to you here. 526 00:25:06,039 --> 00:25:08,534 You know that your boat doesn't have any holes because it's 527 00:25:08,574 --> 00:25:09,479 sitting in the water Right. 528 00:25:09,479 --> 00:25:11,987 And then you get into the boat and you go out to the sea and 529 00:25:12,027 --> 00:25:13,111 you don't know what's out there. 530 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:16,868 You can't see northeast, west or south and you just are like 531 00:25:17,009 --> 00:25:18,984 and you can see oh, there's dark clouds over here. 532 00:25:18,984 --> 00:25:20,564 What's coming my way? 533 00:25:21,105 --> 00:25:21,488 Natalie: That's right. 534 00:25:21,488 --> 00:25:25,287 We just went on a cruise last year, was it last year? 535 00:25:25,287 --> 00:25:26,528 This year I? 536 00:25:26,548 --> 00:25:26,828 Bryan: don't know. 537 00:25:27,510 --> 00:25:29,673 Natalie: In the spring it was this year, okay. 538 00:25:29,673 --> 00:25:31,928 So we went on a cruise in that whole same thing. 539 00:25:31,928 --> 00:25:35,209 I do well in water where I can see the bottom. 540 00:25:35,209 --> 00:25:38,328 I do not do well in water where I can't see the bottom. 541 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:40,387 Cause again, remember, I have a vivid imagination. 542 00:25:40,387 --> 00:25:43,807 I want everyone there are 37 great white sharks clearly 543 00:25:43,926 --> 00:25:45,790 swimming right below where I'm swimming. 544 00:25:46,613 --> 00:25:47,321 Bryan: Yeah, obviously. 545 00:25:47,903 --> 00:25:50,790 Natalie: I want everyone to understand that water. 546 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,789 Bryan: She can't see the bottom of is almost every place that we 547 00:25:54,789 --> 00:25:56,842 ever swim at in in Canada. 548 00:25:56,842 --> 00:26:00,483 Wherever we see, you can't see the bottom, so you fear all of 549 00:26:00,544 --> 00:26:01,046 those places. 550 00:26:01,519 --> 00:26:02,122 Natalie: All of the things. 551 00:26:02,122 --> 00:26:03,749 I fear some great suction. 552 00:26:03,749 --> 00:26:06,648 I fear a giant fish swallowing me like there is. 553 00:26:07,665 --> 00:26:09,864 Bryan: Cause the seaweed is live , it's going to wrap under your 554 00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:10,646 right and I'm in. 555 00:26:10,666 --> 00:26:11,308 Natalie: I've seen Jaws. 556 00:26:11,308 --> 00:26:12,030 Come on now. 557 00:26:14,342 --> 00:26:15,768 Bryan: You know Jaws was fake, right. 558 00:26:16,401 --> 00:26:19,611 Natalie: Well, the movie was fake, but the, the actual shark 559 00:26:19,651 --> 00:26:20,231 is very real. 560 00:26:20,231 --> 00:26:23,594 We're side barring. 561 00:26:23,594 --> 00:26:24,319 We're side barring, okay. 562 00:26:24,401 --> 00:26:25,298 Bryan: Back, back on top. 563 00:26:25,821 --> 00:26:27,509 Natalie: Talking about unchartered waters. 564 00:26:27,509 --> 00:26:31,530 You are at the mercy of the captain of that ship. 565 00:26:31,652 --> 00:26:31,872 Bryan: Right. 566 00:26:33,104 --> 00:26:36,459 Natalie: And in our relationship , the captain of our ship is 567 00:26:36,479 --> 00:26:40,612 Jesus, and so, when we are in a state of losing control, we have 568 00:26:40,612 --> 00:26:46,990 a choice we're either going to to set anchor in in the Lord, or 569 00:26:46,990 --> 00:26:49,734 we're going to flounder in the unknown. 570 00:26:49,734 --> 00:26:54,746 And and we've we've been in in both situations and let me tell 571 00:26:54,786 --> 00:26:58,163 you that the the situation where you're trying and I'm trying to 572 00:26:58,163 --> 00:27:01,940 do it on my own and I'm trying to be so calculated, and all of 573 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:07,092 that Um, you don't prepare for, or you think you prepare for. 574 00:27:07,313 --> 00:27:12,551 All of the um, the anomalies, all of the little things that 575 00:27:12,592 --> 00:27:14,680 could be like wrenches in the spokes, so to speak. 576 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,288 You can't ever fully prepare for any of them. 577 00:27:16,288 --> 00:27:21,353 No, you can't, right, because creating a hypothetical 578 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:24,589 situation and then being faced with the actual reality of that 579 00:27:24,611 --> 00:27:25,778 situation, are vastly different, absolutely. 580 00:27:28,229 --> 00:27:29,957 Bryan: I think that what we want to do with the ultimate end of 581 00:27:29,977 --> 00:27:34,398 this is actually provide some um , like name, name, some fears. 582 00:27:34,398 --> 00:27:38,535 You know like it's like when you see, when you name something 583 00:27:38,535 --> 00:27:39,640 , you take away the power of it. 584 00:27:41,688 --> 00:27:43,113 Natalie: Remember when we were talking about? 585 00:27:43,153 --> 00:27:46,527 Bryan: uh, we, we had read a book by Chris Voss and he's a 586 00:27:46,547 --> 00:27:48,977 FBI negotiator and he said, when he goes in negotiations, um, 587 00:27:48,997 --> 00:27:51,988 with someone and I use this with Natalie sometimes, as she'll 588 00:27:52,028 --> 00:27:55,349 come in and she looks agitated and be like hey, you look like 589 00:27:55,369 --> 00:27:58,287 you're a bit agitated right now and it just gives some, some, 590 00:27:58,307 --> 00:28:00,299 some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some. 591 00:28:00,299 --> 00:28:02,904 Lot of that gives the name to something and like permission 592 00:28:03,405 --> 00:28:04,327 for that to be dealt. 593 00:28:04,347 --> 00:28:06,634 Natalie: Dit marinag na peide stabila vorela and well, and for 594 00:28:06,634 --> 00:28:10,147 me to acknowledge you're right I am agitated right, or hey, I'm 595 00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:10,789 really mad right now. 596 00:28:10,849 --> 00:28:13,416 Bryan: I'm just feeling sad or whatever it is, and so we want 597 00:28:13,436 --> 00:28:16,192 to name these fears, talk our way through them, give you some 598 00:28:16,232 --> 00:28:18,077 accounts of the things that we've actually struggled with in 599 00:28:18,077 --> 00:28:22,038 our own life and Just kind of walk through them with you and 600 00:28:22,078 --> 00:28:28,492 just Provide an Understanding that you're not alone, that it's 601 00:28:28,492 --> 00:28:31,630 not just you, that well, we're here to help, we're here to pray 602 00:28:31,630 --> 00:28:31,630 . 603 00:28:31,630 --> 00:28:34,029 We want to give you some more tools, for the toolkit to see 604 00:28:35,053 --> 00:28:37,480 you have the most success that you possibly can have in your 605 00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:38,060 relationship. 606 00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:40,317 So we just want to say thank you for listening. 607 00:28:40,317 --> 00:28:42,709 If you do happen to like our podcast, which I know that you 608 00:28:42,729 --> 00:28:46,439 do, it Does mean a lot to us when you share it and let people 609 00:28:46,439 --> 00:28:47,501 know about amplified marriage. 610 00:28:47,501 --> 00:28:50,609 You can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook and again, we 611 00:28:50,650 --> 00:28:53,036 say this all the time and we do get some questions and we're 612 00:28:53,056 --> 00:28:54,921 actually looking at a new segment as part of the show 613 00:28:54,961 --> 00:28:55,502 moving forward. 614 00:28:56,090 --> 00:28:57,935 But you have a topic or question . 615 00:28:57,935 --> 00:28:58,939 That's the gonna be the new thing. 616 00:28:58,939 --> 00:28:59,740 You send us a question. 617 00:28:59,740 --> 00:29:01,540 We're gonna actually read it online. 618 00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:04,861 If you want your name read, please do, and we will do that 619 00:29:04,901 --> 00:29:05,163 for you. 620 00:29:05,163 --> 00:29:08,696 If not, we'll keep it anonymous , but if you have a topic or a 621 00:29:08,757 --> 00:29:11,345 question or anything you want to ask us or even just challenge 622 00:29:11,384 --> 00:29:12,468 us on, please email us. 623 00:29:12,468 --> 00:29:13,190 An amplified marriage. 624 00:29:13,190 --> 00:29:17,442 I'd email calm and, as you have heard us say many times before, 625 00:29:17,442 --> 00:29:20,490 we believe that your marriage can be reset, refreshed be 626 00:29:20,530 --> 00:29:21,632 charged and restored. 627 00:29:21,751 --> 00:29:22,373 Natalie: Thanks for listening. 628 00:29:22,373 --> 00:29:54,469 Talk to you soon, you, you.