1 00:00:01,683 --> 00:00:04,612 Bryan: You've probably heard this word or this phrase quite a 2 00:00:04,612 --> 00:00:05,152 few types. 3 00:00:05,152 --> 00:00:08,903 Cognitive dissonance, something that's said in the news, you 4 00:00:08,923 --> 00:00:10,788 see in articles and other podcasts. 5 00:00:10,788 --> 00:00:13,746 Today, we actually want to talk about it really in its simplest 6 00:00:13,746 --> 00:00:15,566 terms, and we're actually going to talk about this more is that 7 00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:18,961 your values or your beliefs don't line up with your actions, 8 00:00:18,961 --> 00:00:23,242 and we want to talk about how that affects us in our marriages 9 00:00:23,242 --> 00:00:24,724 and our relationships. 10 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:44,326 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 11 00:00:44,326 --> 00:00:45,469 I'm Brian, I'm Natalie. 12 00:00:45,469 --> 00:00:48,905 You have heard us say many times, wherever you are grab a 13 00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:51,351 coffee, grab a tea, chill out and relax. 14 00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:54,881 We're going to be talking about it's a pretty heavy topic, it's 15 00:00:54,881 --> 00:00:58,508 not an easy topic, but it's something that is absolutely 16 00:00:58,747 --> 00:00:59,911 needed to be talked about today. 17 00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:00,612 Natalie: That's right. 18 00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:04,396 And if you missed our last episode, we talked about how 19 00:01:04,415 --> 00:01:05,019 fear fuels tension. 20 00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:07,427 Oh geez, that's a tongue twister, that's a tongue twister 21 00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:07,427 . 22 00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:08,885 The fear of the unknown. 23 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:12,587 We talked about anxiety and stress specifically for the what 24 00:01:12,587 --> 00:01:17,186 if scenarios and going through that, so I highly recommend you 25 00:01:17,266 --> 00:01:17,908 check that out. 26 00:01:17,908 --> 00:01:21,902 We're kind of in a tension series, I guess you could call 27 00:01:21,962 --> 00:01:22,444 it yeah. 28 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,284 Bryan: Just, it's been one of those, those ones that as we 29 00:01:26,626 --> 00:01:30,182 kind of we, we did some research , we kind of thought back into 30 00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:33,189 our own relationship and how fear was such a fuel, a part of 31 00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:36,168 it, how even some of the what we're going to be talking about 32 00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:39,503 today and the cognitive cognitive that I can say that 33 00:01:39,522 --> 00:01:44,376 five times faster cognitive dissonance, how that played a 34 00:01:44,516 --> 00:01:47,774 real huge part of our relationship until we learned a 35 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,331 few things like how to communicate, how to talk about 36 00:01:50,512 --> 00:01:53,975 expectations, how to how to actually deal with conflict, how 37 00:01:53,975 --> 00:01:56,906 those things actually left unchecked can grow into 38 00:01:56,945 --> 00:01:57,427 something big. 39 00:01:57,780 --> 00:02:00,689 And so we do have a definition, and we want to start with this 40 00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:02,114 about what it actually is. 41 00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:03,620 Natalie: This is a clinical definition. 42 00:02:04,141 --> 00:02:05,587 Bryan: I'm going to let you read it, because there's a lot of 43 00:02:05,606 --> 00:02:05,908 big words. 44 00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:08,405 Natalie: A psychological conflict resulting from 45 00:02:08,525 --> 00:02:12,920 simultaneously held incongruous beliefs and attitudes, and the 46 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:15,752 example that psychology today said was as a fawness for 47 00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:18,402 smoking and a belief that it is harmful. 48 00:02:18,402 --> 00:02:23,128 I know there's a lot of mumble jumble there. 49 00:02:23,128 --> 00:02:25,006 We're going to break it down to simpler terms. 50 00:02:25,526 --> 00:02:28,284 Bryan: Okay, so here here's what it is, when we break it down to 51 00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:29,990 a little bit easier to like. 52 00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:32,950 My kind of reading level is this cognitive dissonance is a 53 00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:36,384 mental conflict that occurs when your beliefs don't line up with 54 00:02:36,384 --> 00:02:40,286 your actions, and the way that is been put is that it's an 55 00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:44,141 uncomfortable state of mind when someone myself or you or 56 00:02:44,181 --> 00:02:49,110 whoever listening has a contradictory values, attitudes 57 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,752 or perspectives about the same thing. 58 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:51,653 Natalie: That's right. 59 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,567 Bryan: And so when we talk today , there's going to be a few 60 00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:57,545 things that maybe you've heard, even a conversation with other 61 00:02:57,566 --> 00:02:59,463 people, and there's a bunch of terms. 62 00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:00,486 I'm going to read just a few of them. 63 00:03:00,486 --> 00:03:01,870 Like mental conflict is one of them. 64 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:05,125 Yeah, this all means the same thing, it all means aspects of 65 00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:09,477 the same thing, but like mental conflict, inner turmoil, 66 00:03:09,578 --> 00:03:15,186 psychological tension, belief discrepancy You've heard that 67 00:03:15,265 --> 00:03:15,668 one a lot. 68 00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:19,227 Yeah, moral dilemma and moral dilemma Woo. 69 00:03:19,426 --> 00:03:21,050 Natalie: Let me speak that kind of podcast, yep. 70 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,563 Bryan: And like a value conflict and so like. 71 00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:30,836 When two people who are man and woman come into a relationship 72 00:03:31,699 --> 00:03:34,425 and two people that have opposing ideas, opposing 73 00:03:34,485 --> 00:03:39,000 childhoods, opposing circumstances, opposing the way 74 00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:42,132 they've grown up, opposing genealogies, different cultures, 75 00:03:42,132 --> 00:03:45,062 sometimes different upbringing, like all of those things come 76 00:03:45,082 --> 00:03:48,360 from a divorced home versus not divorced home, all of those 77 00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:53,092 things can create tension in a relationship which is in a fancy 78 00:03:53,092 --> 00:03:55,526 word, and some things that can come up are things like 79 00:03:55,566 --> 00:03:56,629 cognitive dissonance. 80 00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:59,574 Now we want to break them down and we actually want to equate 81 00:03:59,593 --> 00:04:02,686 them to some of the situations we've found ourselves in our own 82 00:04:02,686 --> 00:04:04,471 marriage and for your own use. 83 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,281 Natalie: And if you think I'm going to skip this one, this 84 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,526 isn't really relative to me. 85 00:04:07,979 --> 00:04:10,967 Bryan: Like this relevant, relevant, oh Lord, yep that kind 86 00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:11,408 of podcast. 87 00:04:11,408 --> 00:04:16,620 Hey, it's just, we're just going to go with it Relevant. 88 00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:19,348 Natalie: You probably are in this current situation. 89 00:04:19,348 --> 00:04:22,112 Yeah, Because even as we were prepping and stuff we're going 90 00:04:22,132 --> 00:04:23,982 through, we're like no, they've been there, been there, been 91 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:24,744 there, still there. 92 00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:26,026 Bryan: Yeah, we live here. 93 00:04:26,026 --> 00:04:27,329 This one's been a tough one. 94 00:04:27,329 --> 00:04:30,642 We don't like this one, so the very first one that we want to 95 00:04:30,663 --> 00:04:32,607 start with is like it's. 96 00:04:32,607 --> 00:04:35,793 We call it a value of value discrepancy. 97 00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:39,142 There's a difference, so the way that we kind of laid this 98 00:04:39,244 --> 00:04:40,466 out is one. 99 00:04:40,466 --> 00:04:46,447 This is a financial version, so say that I'm the spender and 100 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:50,293 Natalie is the saver which is true. 101 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:57,326 Is it, though, or at least it was so, because she's a saver 102 00:04:57,786 --> 00:05:01,379 and I'm a spender, our two versions of what to do with our 103 00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:05,367 money clash, and that causes us to have a little bit of tension 104 00:05:05,408 --> 00:05:06,089 in the relationship. 105 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:14,166 Natalie: That's right, and it's hard, especially when you've not 106 00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:22,358 had ample resources, as finances go For this to be a 107 00:05:22,398 --> 00:05:25,326 cycle that repeats itself right because when, when there's 108 00:05:25,386 --> 00:05:29,966 plenty, it's much easier to be on the same page. 109 00:05:30,447 --> 00:05:32,596 Bryan: Yeah, when your bank account is full, man, it's easy 110 00:05:32,615 --> 00:05:34,382 to trust God like we're gonna save. 111 00:05:34,642 --> 00:05:35,485 Natalie: We're gonna put money over here. 112 00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:37,420 We're gonna put money over there when there's when there's, 113 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,817 you know, substantial Money to do that. 114 00:05:40,817 --> 00:05:44,447 When there's not and this is where we found ourselves is when 115 00:05:44,447 --> 00:05:51,721 there wasn't it was like we just kind of shut off, like what 116 00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:55,567 we should be doing with our money, we're like forget it, 117 00:05:55,629 --> 00:05:59,321 we're just gonna go Out for lunch or whatever. 118 00:05:59,321 --> 00:06:01,411 I'm like we shouldn't go out for lunch because we really 119 00:06:01,451 --> 00:06:01,853 can't afford. 120 00:06:01,853 --> 00:06:03,918 You're like I'm not gonna let and you know, not having any 121 00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:05,944 money prevent me from doing the things I want to do. 122 00:06:05,944 --> 00:06:07,348 And so we were in this constant . 123 00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:10,384 Bryan: Which is stupid, which, even if I think back about it's 124 00:06:10,423 --> 00:06:10,865 really dumb. 125 00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:12,500 Natalie: Well, it was dumb and we paid. 126 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:15,732 Like you've heard us say in many podcasts, if you have 127 00:06:15,771 --> 00:06:20,399 joined us in our webinars, we paid the stupid tax for our 128 00:06:22,156 --> 00:06:24,757 Junkie financial Choices that we made. 129 00:06:24,757 --> 00:06:26,781 We, we paid a consequence for it. 130 00:06:27,081 --> 00:06:29,747 Bryan: Well, and one of the the primary reasons for divorce in 131 00:06:29,788 --> 00:06:33,211 North America I still think this stat holds is that it's 132 00:06:33,252 --> 00:06:33,654 finances. 133 00:06:34,096 --> 00:06:36,221 I would agree and it's a lack of communication. 134 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:40,401 So Nat and I fought Tremendous amounts over the like. 135 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:41,966 I'm not kidding, I wouldn't tell her. 136 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,550 And this is again game. 137 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:44,714 This is where we're gonna age yourself. 138 00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:45,757 This is. 139 00:06:45,817 --> 00:06:49,016 We're so old that if we wanted to know what was in our bank we 140 00:06:49,036 --> 00:06:51,009 had to go to the bank machine and then, all of a sudden, 141 00:06:51,069 --> 00:06:52,014 telephone banking come on. 142 00:06:52,014 --> 00:06:55,509 You could call in and it would tell you this is long before, so 143 00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:56,694 I would know what was in there. 144 00:06:56,694 --> 00:06:58,500 But Nat would say I would leave the house in the morning to go 145 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:02,742 to work and she's like you can't buy anything today, she's. 146 00:07:02,742 --> 00:07:03,529 I was like what do you mean? 147 00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:05,000 I can't buy anything, so we don't have enough money. 148 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,956 Because she called and we knew what was in there, she knew what 149 00:07:06,956 --> 00:07:07,697 the bills were coming out. 150 00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:08,862 She's like you can't buy. 151 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:09,824 We have to save her money. 152 00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:12,067 We want to have a little bit of extra at the end of the month 153 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:12,851 to be able to do this. 154 00:07:12,872 --> 00:07:15,583 That the other thing you can't spend anything in me being like 155 00:07:15,663 --> 00:07:17,389 oh, whatever, it's just, it is what it is. 156 00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:19,134 I'll just make more dumb me. 157 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:23,310 I would go out and I'd buy $10 lunch back when McDonald's was 158 00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:26,321 10 bucks or seven bucks or where it was and that cost us. 159 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:29,264 Or back when I was a smoker, she'd say you can't go, you 160 00:07:29,305 --> 00:07:31,360 can't have pop, you can't have any food, you can't do anything. 161 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,581 And I would go buy cigars, yeah , instead of saving the money 162 00:07:34,701 --> 00:07:35,464 and this causes. 163 00:07:35,464 --> 00:07:37,735 Or I would go to the store and be like I need new shirts. 164 00:07:37,735 --> 00:07:39,826 So it's about a shirt, knowing that I have plenty shirts at 165 00:07:39,846 --> 00:07:43,678 home that could are still usable , but for whatever reason, that 166 00:07:43,759 --> 00:07:46,745 did not sink in, and so that caused a tremendous amount of 167 00:07:46,805 --> 00:07:48,689 tension, and so our two values. 168 00:07:49,576 --> 00:07:49,956 Natalie: We're different. 169 00:07:49,956 --> 00:07:53,004 And there was this, this air of pride, and there was this air 170 00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:54,327 of you don't tell me what to do. 171 00:07:54,595 --> 00:07:57,982 Bryan: Absolutely, and I'm stubborn that way, like why did 172 00:07:58,002 --> 00:08:00,887 you have my wish there was cameras to see what your face? 173 00:08:00,987 --> 00:08:02,230 Natalie: does in certain things. 174 00:08:05,456 --> 00:08:08,142 Bryan: But I'm stubborn and I don't like to be told what to do 175 00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:08,142 . 176 00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:09,896 Like as an eight, as a challenger, I'm like, I don't 177 00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:10,538 want to be controlled. 178 00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:13,125 I also don't need to be in control, which is almost counter 179 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:13,125 . 180 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,802 Natalie: Intuitive and see, here's the thing too. 181 00:08:15,802 --> 00:08:20,084 We talked about finances when we, before we, got married and 182 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:20,966 we talked about it all. 183 00:08:22,355 --> 00:08:26,081 All the way through, like we talked about everything, but but 184 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:29,629 then you're faced with the reality of it and and it was 185 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:34,967 like we shouldn't, but like one, you know, and then one gives in 186 00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:35,951 because one doesn't. 187 00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:38,298 You know, I didn't want you to be mad, I didn't want, you know, 188 00:08:38,298 --> 00:08:42,197 do you feel like I was like lording over you what you know? 189 00:08:42,197 --> 00:08:44,081 We're telling you what you couldn't, couldn't do, and 190 00:08:44,121 --> 00:08:45,365 controlling you and all of this. 191 00:08:45,365 --> 00:08:51,017 And so there was this Tension in our marriage for years Not 192 00:08:51,038 --> 00:08:55,056 just the beginning years in regards to you know, we couldn't 193 00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:58,443 go on vacations because there was just no extra money to go on 194 00:08:58,443 --> 00:08:58,904 vacations. 195 00:08:58,945 --> 00:09:01,980 Bryan: Well, one, because is I wasn't working a really 196 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:05,053 high-paying job and we, honestly , we would have done a lot 197 00:09:05,073 --> 00:09:07,561 better had not had honestly and not spent as much as I did. 198 00:09:07,561 --> 00:09:12,041 Right, there would have been more opportunity, but it's one 199 00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:12,481 of those things. 200 00:09:12,481 --> 00:09:15,650 We come from a Generate, my parents didn't teach me anything 201 00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:17,647 about money, so what are we doing with our kids? 202 00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:18,567 We're teaching them about money ? 203 00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:21,730 Like this is we used to pay their taxes for Amazon with 204 00:09:21,791 --> 00:09:22,432 different world. 205 00:09:22,432 --> 00:09:25,567 Now you can pay up till 13 years old. 206 00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:27,638 You pay for whatever's on there , we'll take care of the taxes, 207 00:09:27,658 --> 00:09:28,119 kind of like. 208 00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,044 We're teaching your kids how to do money a bit better than we 209 00:09:30,065 --> 00:09:30,166 do. 210 00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:33,774 We never learned that stuff and I had to learn that the hard 211 00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:37,304 way, after going into debt, paying the stupid tax for years, 212 00:09:37,304 --> 00:09:43,215 like it was only in like 2018 or 1918, 1718 where we finally 213 00:09:43,836 --> 00:09:48,148 Got our crap together and we actually paid our debts off and 214 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,815 now now we're in a safe Mostly a safe place. 215 00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:54,173 I say so in a comfortable place that we're able to take care of 216 00:09:54,234 --> 00:09:56,782 our kids Well and live in a really expensive city and we're 217 00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:57,303 being blessed. 218 00:09:57,303 --> 00:10:00,927 But man, it's a lot of work and budgets are hard and the 219 00:10:00,988 --> 00:10:04,321 problem being is a lot of people Consistency well, consistency 220 00:10:04,381 --> 00:10:06,919 is hard with the budget, but a lot of people didn't learn how 221 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:07,341 to budget. 222 00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,869 And then, yes, you talked about money. 223 00:10:09,869 --> 00:10:11,975 Like we, when we do pre-marriage counseling, we 224 00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:15,441 hammer on this with them because we always know one's gonna be a 225 00:10:15,441 --> 00:10:17,246 spender and one is gonna be a. 226 00:10:18,216 --> 00:10:19,197 Natalie: Savor always. 227 00:10:19,258 --> 00:10:20,721 Bryan: I've never, ever coached. 228 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,025 We've never coached a couple or done pre marriage with a couple 229 00:10:23,025 --> 00:10:24,307 that ever was one. 230 00:10:24,307 --> 00:10:26,741 They were both spenders and they're both savers. 231 00:10:26,741 --> 00:10:28,427 There's always one or the other . 232 00:10:28,687 --> 00:10:33,321 Natalie: Yeah, so just provided a lot of inner and outer 233 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:37,211 conflict and because you know, even if if we weren't fighting 234 00:10:37,251 --> 00:10:40,948 about it like verbally oh, I was thinking it- and there's ten, 235 00:10:40,969 --> 00:10:42,998 there's tension right and it was just like. 236 00:10:42,998 --> 00:10:43,318 You know. 237 00:10:43,318 --> 00:10:46,298 You can see it in the moment it's like oh, this is great, 238 00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:48,965 like we're, we're out and everything is fine, except 239 00:10:49,004 --> 00:10:52,544 everything is not fine Because the reality of the situation is 240 00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:54,414 so waiting for you when you get home. 241 00:10:54,836 --> 00:10:59,253 Yeah and we didn't just we did not understand how to make money 242 00:10:59,253 --> 00:11:02,951 work for us, but also to get on the same page when it came to 243 00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:03,434 budgeting. 244 00:11:03,775 --> 00:11:07,024 Bryan: Yeah, and then, even moving on to that, one of the 245 00:11:07,104 --> 00:11:11,094 other ways that in marriage, that you you struggle in this 246 00:11:11,195 --> 00:11:13,664 area Is that there could be different parenting styles, is 247 00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:20,099 that one wants to be a bit more Strict yeah my hand is up and 248 00:11:20,198 --> 00:11:23,523 I'm a bit more on the strict side and Natalie, when the kids 249 00:11:23,543 --> 00:11:28,433 were young, was a bit more on the the lenient side, but still 250 00:11:28,474 --> 00:11:28,774 strict. 251 00:11:28,774 --> 00:11:32,806 This is one of those areas where the majority of our, with 252 00:11:32,865 --> 00:11:34,907 our children, we've been on the same page for a lot of stuff. 253 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:35,629 Natalie: Yes. 254 00:11:36,264 --> 00:11:37,590 Bryan: For most things when it came to the kids. 255 00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:40,287 But we sure couldn't get finances together, but we sure 256 00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:41,471 raised the kids together. 257 00:11:42,705 --> 00:11:45,413 Natalie: No, and again, this is one of the things we talked 258 00:11:45,453 --> 00:11:47,051 about, and talking about it is great. 259 00:11:47,051 --> 00:11:49,785 It gives you a place, a starting point, it gives you a 260 00:11:49,927 --> 00:11:50,389 goal. 261 00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:50,730 Bryan: Right. 262 00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:52,971 Natalie: Then you're faced with the reality of having children. 263 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:53,432 Bryan: Oh boy. 264 00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:58,129 Natalie: And you know I was in my mid-20s when we had our first 265 00:11:58,129 --> 00:12:04,417 child and you know I'm grateful I wasn't in my young 20s, like 266 00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:05,158 my early 20s. 267 00:12:05,177 --> 00:12:05,499 Bryan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 268 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,894 Natalie: Because I think it would have been a different. 269 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,129 It would have looked a lot differently. 270 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:14,307 Bryan: Well, even with our first kid we did, and that's the 271 00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:16,546 guinea pig, that's what everyone says we would. 272 00:12:16,546 --> 00:12:18,594 We let him stay up till 10, 30 or 11. 273 00:12:18,594 --> 00:12:21,287 And then eventually one of our friends is like hey, I don't 274 00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,149 think that's gonna work for you, you need to be more consistent 275 00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,052 and change how that works. 276 00:12:25,052 --> 00:12:25,934 And we did. 277 00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:27,067 I remember my sister. 278 00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:31,851 She came up and she's like man, why do you put your kids to bed 279 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:32,313 so early? 280 00:12:32,313 --> 00:12:34,830 It's like 6.30 now, like we had all three kids and she had no 281 00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:35,091 kids. 282 00:12:35,091 --> 00:12:38,186 And she used to give me grief, not like in a mean way, but I 283 00:12:38,206 --> 00:12:39,211 was just like why do you do that ? 284 00:12:39,211 --> 00:12:41,953 I'd let my kids stay up till at least eight o'clock. 285 00:12:41,953 --> 00:12:45,447 Then she had kids and all of her kids at the age that they're 286 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:49,172 at now or the age of my kids, they all go to bed before eight 287 00:12:49,613 --> 00:12:51,932 before seven, sometimes the most , the two youngest. 288 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:52,707 Natalie: And they were young. 289 00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:53,591 They went to bed at six. 290 00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,029 Bryan: And she's like now I see why. 291 00:12:56,245 --> 00:12:58,788 Natalie: And here's a thing that just came to me as we were just 292 00:12:58,788 --> 00:13:06,051 having a conversation is that not undermining you? 293 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:09,431 We worked really hard not to undermine each other in front of 294 00:13:09,431 --> 00:13:09,893 our kids. 295 00:13:10,184 --> 00:13:13,347 Bryan: Yeah, that wasn't always successful, but Right of like. 296 00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:17,589 Natalie: Well, we had talked about this and then a situation 297 00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,725 arose and it was like why, in the moment, changed my mind and 298 00:13:21,086 --> 00:13:22,211 I think you're being harsh. 299 00:13:22,711 --> 00:13:22,893 Bryan: Yeah. 300 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,847 Natalie: Right and in front of the kids is not the time to have 301 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:26,551 a conversation. 302 00:13:26,985 --> 00:13:32,590 Bryan: No, and we're when they were younger, when we were 303 00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:35,785 trying to establish, like right now, if we disagree, we'll just 304 00:13:35,826 --> 00:13:41,173 disagree in front of the kids, Unless it's not a serious issue, 305 00:13:41,173 --> 00:13:43,514 but they need to see that we're on the same page. 306 00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:45,635 Natalie: They see that we have conflict and conflict is not a 307 00:13:45,735 --> 00:13:46,379 bad thing. 308 00:13:46,419 --> 00:13:47,345 Bryan: No, and we're resolving it. 309 00:13:47,384 --> 00:13:48,409 Natalie: Resolved conflict is bad. 310 00:13:49,086 --> 00:13:53,048 Bryan: But where you're gonna struggle in parenting is when it 311 00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:57,111 comes to that side, and we actually see this when we coach 312 00:13:57,152 --> 00:13:59,370 with couples, especially when they have children. 313 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:05,048 Is that one the kids know, the parents, one will give in and 314 00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:06,052 one won't yes. 315 00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:09,947 And so they actually manipulate both of them to get what they 316 00:14:10,006 --> 00:14:10,207 want. 317 00:14:10,570 --> 00:14:11,211 Natalie: Huge tension. 318 00:14:11,907 --> 00:14:14,446 Bryan: And it's when you're in the middle of having kids all 319 00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:16,472 under the age of like 11 or 12 or 13,. 320 00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:20,955 That cycle right there is incredibly challenging anyway, 321 00:14:21,605 --> 00:14:24,570 without you and your spouse or you and your partner not being 322 00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:28,111 in the same, in the same mindset about how we're gonna 323 00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:28,975 discipline our kids. 324 00:14:28,975 --> 00:14:31,393 If you say no snacks before bed , but the other one is like, 325 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,187 yeah, you could have a snack before bed, but they were like I 326 00:14:33,187 --> 00:14:33,950 already told them no. 327 00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:37,293 And then the kid comes up well, my snack. 328 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,011 Well, dad said yes and mom said no. 329 00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,373 Well, you weren't on the same page. 330 00:14:41,373 --> 00:14:42,850 And then you gotta work it out right there. 331 00:14:42,850 --> 00:14:46,687 But if that happens over and over and over about every little 332 00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:51,293 thing, well, no, pop, yes, yes, no, oh it is, did they get? 333 00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:54,830 Natalie: We're taking time bomb for the parent that is wanting 334 00:14:54,971 --> 00:14:56,895 the established rules followed. 335 00:14:56,895 --> 00:15:00,048 I was like, hey, we talked about this and we agreed that 336 00:15:02,793 --> 00:15:07,048 this was how it was going to go, and then it doesn't. 337 00:15:07,048 --> 00:15:12,572 It creates undue unnecessary because you talked about this 338 00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:14,289 already, like it was communicated. 339 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,326 And if there's a change that needs to be made because it's a 340 00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:23,513 special occasion or whatever, like a birthday or whatever then 341 00:15:23,513 --> 00:15:27,014 talk about that so that parents are on the same page. 342 00:15:27,304 --> 00:15:31,765 Bryan: And contradictory popular , what you see over all over 343 00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:33,451 Instagram and TikTok and all these things. 344 00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:37,115 Now it's okay that your kid is disappointed 100%. 345 00:15:37,115 --> 00:15:39,592 And it's okay that you disciplined your child and said, 346 00:15:39,592 --> 00:15:41,712 in fact, I'm gonna support dad here. 347 00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:44,394 Dad said no snacks before bed, I'm going with dad. 348 00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:45,629 We didn't talk about it. 349 00:15:45,629 --> 00:15:46,933 Yeah, that's hard on you. 350 00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,490 That's okay that you're disappointed. 351 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,573 You don't need to have a snack before. 352 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,828 Do you just had dinner an hour ago? 353 00:15:50,828 --> 00:15:52,013 We're gonna go with that. 354 00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:54,650 It's okay that you do that with your kids, right, like? 355 00:15:54,691 --> 00:16:01,225 Natalie: it's okay, 100%, I think. 356 00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:04,715 Learning to cope with disappointment. 357 00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:08,006 Is a good thing for the kids Is a good thing and it's a good 358 00:16:08,027 --> 00:16:10,769 thing for us as parents to teach our kids and it's not to use it 359 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:12,870 to manipulate and to just be mean and cruel. 360 00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:20,610 There are times where it's a no , and it has to be a no and it's 361 00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:24,144 okay that they express their disappointment in that, at the 362 00:16:24,186 --> 00:16:25,409 end of the day, you are the parent. 363 00:16:25,409 --> 00:16:25,669 Yeah. 364 00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:28,990 Bryan: Yeah, and yeah, absolutely. 365 00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:32,647 One of the next things that actually causes stress and it 366 00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:35,405 caused a lot of stress between Natalie and I and a lot of 367 00:16:35,426 --> 00:16:37,572 tension was work-life balance. 368 00:16:37,572 --> 00:16:43,388 This is a huge one that I didn't really know that I was as 369 00:16:43,388 --> 00:16:49,513 much of a workaholic as I was until when I started that trail 370 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,288 back when we first started dating, because I had jobs 371 00:16:52,307 --> 00:16:54,595 before but I wasn't working like 60 hours a week Like I was 372 00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:54,796 there. 373 00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:58,173 I didn't realize I was a workaholic or enjoyed working 374 00:16:58,214 --> 00:17:01,030 that much, and part of it was because our marriage was 375 00:17:01,071 --> 00:17:02,414 terrible and I didn't want to go home. 376 00:17:02,626 --> 00:17:04,525 The other part of it is I wanted to provide for you. 377 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:08,618 So again, on one hand I'm like I really don't want to go home 378 00:17:08,638 --> 00:17:10,771 because all we're going to do is fight, but on the other hand. 379 00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:13,463 I really need to go to work, so I can support her, so I can go 380 00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:14,415 home and so we can fight. 381 00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:16,209 Natalie: Like it was just a weird, you're at an emotional 382 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:16,852 cross, yeah. 383 00:17:17,085 --> 00:17:21,016 Bryan: And so I worked a lot, like I was working five, six, 384 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,228 seven times seven. 385 00:17:22,228 --> 00:17:24,855 I remember one time when we actually had a baby and I was 386 00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:25,396 still at trail. 387 00:17:25,396 --> 00:17:28,251 I remember kissing Natalie goodbye on a Monday and saying 388 00:17:28,292 --> 00:17:30,205 I'll see you Saturday Essentially kind of thing, 389 00:17:30,265 --> 00:17:33,125 because she was in bed before I got home and I was gone before 390 00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:33,727 she woke up. 391 00:17:33,727 --> 00:17:37,788 So often we would talk on the phone a couple of times and this 392 00:17:37,788 --> 00:17:41,039 is one of those things that I didn't know was going to happen 393 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,204 and we didn't handle very well. 394 00:17:42,204 --> 00:17:46,394 Also, not wanting to go home and you not wanting to be with 395 00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:48,788 me because we were fighting all the time made it easier for me 396 00:17:48,808 --> 00:17:52,464 to go, but we never communicated about it, we never talked about 397 00:17:52,464 --> 00:17:55,478 it, we never and then when we did, it was just flaccid in the 398 00:17:55,518 --> 00:17:56,442 pan, mad Well why are? 399 00:17:56,462 --> 00:17:57,266 you gone all the time. 400 00:17:57,266 --> 00:18:01,039 Well, because we don't have as much money and I'm struggling 401 00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:04,511 like I want to work and Well, it was always under the guise of 402 00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:06,326 financially providing Right. 403 00:18:06,326 --> 00:18:08,538 And part of it was thinking back. 404 00:18:08,538 --> 00:18:10,306 I mean, part of it was because I wanted to make sure I was 405 00:18:10,326 --> 00:18:12,713 supporting you Truthfully. 406 00:18:12,713 --> 00:18:16,023 But there's the other part where we were just arguing and 407 00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:18,191 fighting all the time and it was hard to be at home yeah, but 408 00:18:18,351 --> 00:18:21,787 you get in this cognitive dissonance when I'm craving 409 00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:23,112 quality time with you. 410 00:18:23,413 --> 00:18:25,339 Natalie: Yeah, and I understand that you have to work. 411 00:18:25,339 --> 00:18:28,008 Yeah, but this is excessive. 412 00:18:28,429 --> 00:18:29,250 Bryan: Yeah Well, and it's not. 413 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,596 It wasn't just normal 40, 50 hours a week. 414 00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,990 Natalie: It was like, no and like for those. 415 00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:38,583 If you might be out there and you were like married to a 416 00:18:38,623 --> 00:18:42,972 workaholic or you are dating a workaholic, it's not to say that 417 00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:44,055 that can't change. 418 00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:45,538 Bryan: No, it's because it sure can. 419 00:18:45,944 --> 00:18:49,471 Natalie: You changed and you know where. 420 00:18:49,471 --> 00:18:52,738 We had a newborn baby and a colicky newborn baby. 421 00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:59,701 So if anyone of you has had a colicky baby, it's exhausting in 422 00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,886 all of like postpartum everything. 423 00:19:01,886 --> 00:19:08,622 Everything is just exhausting, and so to be to feel like I am 424 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:09,805 on my own, yeah. 425 00:19:10,286 --> 00:19:10,467 Bryan: Yeah. 426 00:19:10,728 --> 00:19:14,481 Natalie: With this and you're gone and under the impression 427 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,789 that you're financially providing, which you were, but 428 00:19:16,983 --> 00:19:19,258 I'm also not choosing a relationship. 429 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:20,107 You're not. 430 00:19:20,107 --> 00:19:22,835 You're not prioritizing, yeah Right. 431 00:19:22,835 --> 00:19:27,044 And so there's this tug of war that happens of like, yes, I 432 00:19:27,064 --> 00:19:29,411 know you need to provide, but then there's still the balance 433 00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:30,193 of being at home. 434 00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:30,655 Bryan: I will. 435 00:19:30,655 --> 00:19:34,409 I will say this is that I think what we've learned over the 436 00:19:34,429 --> 00:19:38,363 last few years and this is part of a book I read I wish I could, 437 00:19:38,363 --> 00:19:41,950 it was, I think it was an atomic habits by James Clear, 438 00:19:44,094 --> 00:19:48,068 but said the, and he was talking all about discipline and I 439 00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:48,309 don't know. 440 00:19:48,309 --> 00:19:49,875 He was doing a podcast with someone. 441 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:52,765 He said the work life balance is a myth. 442 00:19:52,765 --> 00:19:56,161 He said, realistically, if you look at your life, I spend more 443 00:19:56,181 --> 00:19:59,217 hours per week with the people I work with, because eight hours 444 00:19:59,257 --> 00:19:59,941 that's what our culture does. 445 00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:02,131 We work for eight hours, nine hours, 10 hours a day. 446 00:20:02,131 --> 00:20:04,140 I spend more time with my my end. 447 00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:06,351 So if I was to try and balance that out, especially when 448 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,840 they're young and the kids go to bed seven, I have to be able to 449 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,551 work at every day at 12 to spend the equal amount of time 450 00:20:11,374 --> 00:20:11,895 and and. 451 00:20:11,895 --> 00:20:16,529 But where we get into trouble is when we choose work and 452 00:20:16,569 --> 00:20:19,340 that's our number one priority over our family, and I can't 453 00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:22,632 stress this enough only because I've been through this is that 454 00:20:22,652 --> 00:20:23,756 there is no job. 455 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:28,553 Maybe there's jobs, but there can't be a normal person job 456 00:20:28,573 --> 00:20:31,262 like I'm a normal person, like I'm not a diplomat, I'm not a 457 00:20:31,282 --> 00:20:31,483 politician. 458 00:20:31,483 --> 00:20:34,319 I don't know what their hours are like, but I'm just saying 459 00:20:34,339 --> 00:20:36,791 that if you're working on, there's no job out there that's 460 00:20:36,832 --> 00:20:38,196 worth sacrificing your family for. 461 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:41,210 I would say that even for politicians and diplomats and 462 00:20:41,349 --> 00:20:44,121 family like oh, but I'm saying that there's no job out there 463 00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:47,032 that's worth working so much that you don't know your wife, 464 00:20:47,094 --> 00:20:48,038 you don't know your children. 465 00:20:48,519 --> 00:20:51,249 I remember I cried at a pride at with my boss I don't think I 466 00:20:51,269 --> 00:20:51,810 ever told you this. 467 00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:56,471 I was with Chris, he was my boss in in Red Deer and Rainan 468 00:20:56,491 --> 00:21:00,123 had been born and I had gone back to work and I hadn't seen 469 00:21:00,143 --> 00:21:02,219 him for like two and a half weeks because essentially I 470 00:21:02,259 --> 00:21:05,915 would come home Uh, I would, you'd be already in bed, he'd 471 00:21:05,977 --> 00:21:06,579 are be in bed. 472 00:21:06,579 --> 00:21:09,461 It was like nine or 10 and I'd leave the next morning at like 473 00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:10,746 six, 30 or seven to go to work. 474 00:21:10,746 --> 00:21:12,923 And I remember sitting in his office and if you don't give me 475 00:21:12,942 --> 00:21:14,836 time off and I'm crying I was crying in his office If you 476 00:21:14,855 --> 00:21:16,080 don't give me time off, I'll quit right here. 477 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,883 And they said I need to have some time off so I can go see my 478 00:21:18,883 --> 00:21:19,084 son. 479 00:21:19,255 --> 00:21:22,243 I haven't seen my son and and like they was like at that point 480 00:21:22,243 --> 00:21:25,566 , like 17 days, like it may be little bits and pieces and so 481 00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:28,464 there's no job that's worth sacrificing your family, but I 482 00:21:28,575 --> 00:21:32,705 can say that now, however, we dealt with that and hours got 483 00:21:32,746 --> 00:21:35,242 better and then I ended up working as a job, as a pastor, 484 00:21:35,275 --> 00:21:39,125 and I remember you telling me uh , I don't know, it was like year 485 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:41,400 three you love your job. 486 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,182 Then you love being a pastor of the church more than you love 487 00:21:45,202 --> 00:21:48,240 your family, and that just about gutted me. 488 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:53,159 But it also forced me to make some drastic changes in how we 489 00:21:53,199 --> 00:21:54,544 approached our family. 490 00:21:54,964 --> 00:21:55,105 Natalie: Yep. 491 00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:56,080 Bryan: And those things. 492 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,295 I was working not because my pastor was saying I need you to 493 00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:59,662 pull the hours into it Not at all. 494 00:22:00,115 --> 00:22:02,808 Natalie: As a matter of fact, he he may. 495 00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:05,383 Bryan: he was like you have to connive around my back with my 496 00:22:05,423 --> 00:22:08,800 wife to get me to take time off of making sure that you take 497 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:09,939 your time off, but you know it's . 498 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,894 Natalie: it's a type of when you're in ministry and anyone 499 00:22:11,974 --> 00:22:18,933 who might be in ministry knows that I mean you're pulled in 47 500 00:22:18,953 --> 00:22:23,224 different directions and people don't understand that. 501 00:22:23,224 --> 00:22:26,662 You're like, well, you should be at my back and call when I'm 502 00:22:26,862 --> 00:22:30,039 having an emergency and and there are times where, yes, it's 503 00:22:30,039 --> 00:22:33,167 like call back in business hours- right. 504 00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:36,262 Because we do have a family at the end of the day that we go to 505 00:22:36,262 --> 00:22:37,586 and they are the priority. 506 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,912 Bryan: I I want to write a book for young leaders one day, like 507 00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:44,342 in the next few years probably, I really I've thought about this 508 00:22:44,342 --> 00:22:44,643 a lot. 509 00:22:44,643 --> 00:22:47,741 One of my chapters is going to be all about other people. 510 00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:49,807 Don't know what your time is like, that's right. 511 00:22:49,807 --> 00:22:51,923 And they just assume that everything you do is for them. 512 00:22:51,923 --> 00:22:54,082 So the work life balance is a really tough one. 513 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:57,363 The next one is there's a couple that I follow on 514 00:22:57,603 --> 00:22:59,047 Instagram that does little skits . 515 00:22:59,047 --> 00:23:02,041 She's an introvert or an extrovert and he's an introvert. 516 00:23:03,144 --> 00:23:05,299 I'm an extrovert, I'm an introvert and Natalie's an 517 00:23:05,339 --> 00:23:09,063 introvert and we have learned now, after this many years 518 00:23:09,103 --> 00:23:10,895 together, what works and what doesn't. 519 00:23:10,895 --> 00:23:14,105 When she says she's done, it's not because she's trying to get 520 00:23:14,224 --> 00:23:16,342 out of anything, it's because she's finished and she's hit her 521 00:23:16,342 --> 00:23:16,561 limit. 522 00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:19,050 And she'll tell me, usually before I said uh, brian, this 523 00:23:19,090 --> 00:23:21,079 will probably be the last one that I can do this week, like 524 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:22,464 I'm tired, I'm done, I'm finished. 525 00:23:22,464 --> 00:23:26,930 And then sometimes she plans things and does it to herself. 526 00:23:27,009 --> 00:23:28,494 Natalie: That's right, and then I regret it. 527 00:23:28,777 --> 00:23:29,078 Bryan: And then I. 528 00:23:29,078 --> 00:23:30,651 And then there's sometimes I'm also I'm. 529 00:23:30,651 --> 00:23:32,555 I'm kind of a in between, an extrovert, introvert. 530 00:23:32,555 --> 00:23:35,923 I think in my older age I'm more of an ambivert, where I can 531 00:23:35,923 --> 00:23:38,895 be either or and that way. 532 00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,321 But this can be really hard on couples that want to have a 533 00:23:41,362 --> 00:23:45,500 social life, one that, one that does, and one that's just like 534 00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:46,122 chilling out at home. 535 00:23:46,242 --> 00:23:47,886 Natalie: That's right, natalie's a home, yeah. 536 00:23:48,236 --> 00:23:51,932 Bryan: So me and my one son, ezra, my middle son, we and my 537 00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:55,232 daughter actually embers, we're all like let's go be where 538 00:23:55,252 --> 00:23:55,575 there's people. 539 00:23:55,575 --> 00:23:57,008 The bigger the crowd, the better. 540 00:23:57,008 --> 00:23:57,654 The more energy the better. 541 00:23:57,654 --> 00:24:00,772 And me, well, my oldest son and my wife are exhausted being 542 00:24:00,792 --> 00:24:03,144 with the three of us because we're having the time of her 543 00:24:03,185 --> 00:24:04,532 life when there's like a hundred people around. 544 00:24:04,553 --> 00:24:06,619 Natalie: Exactly, and you know there's. 545 00:24:06,619 --> 00:24:10,131 There's a thing about communicating your, your uh 546 00:24:10,151 --> 00:24:11,074 capacity. 547 00:24:11,983 --> 00:24:14,921 Bryan: Well, right, and these things will cause a lot of 548 00:24:14,980 --> 00:24:18,682 tension, especially when you're you're you're young married, 549 00:24:19,307 --> 00:24:20,394 then you have your young with young children. 550 00:24:20,394 --> 00:24:24,772 And if you don't realize that when you have a child, your life 551 00:24:24,772 --> 00:24:25,194 changes, yes, it does. 552 00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:27,269 And when, when you're young and you're married man. 553 00:24:27,269 --> 00:24:28,055 You could do so much stuff together. 554 00:24:28,055 --> 00:24:29,528 You can just leave the house, you can go to whatever 555 00:24:29,548 --> 00:24:31,165 restaurant you want, you could take off for a weekend. 556 00:24:31,165 --> 00:24:33,387 It's all good when you have kids, that makes a little bit 557 00:24:33,409 --> 00:24:33,954 more challenging. 558 00:24:33,954 --> 00:24:38,407 And the one that needs to be around people, maybe like 559 00:24:38,468 --> 00:24:39,310 starving to be with people. 560 00:24:39,310 --> 00:24:42,872 And then the one who, like at the beginning of COVID Natalie, 561 00:24:42,892 --> 00:24:45,530 was like this is the greatest thing ever I get to stay at home 562 00:24:45,530 --> 00:24:45,894 , I love this. 563 00:24:45,894 --> 00:24:47,729 And I was like I'm dying. 564 00:24:47,729 --> 00:24:48,050 Oh, it was. 565 00:24:51,444 --> 00:24:52,308 Natalie: On on a lot. 566 00:24:52,308 --> 00:24:53,773 On an emotional level it was just wonderful. 567 00:24:53,773 --> 00:24:57,875 A forced relaxation, relaxing. 568 00:24:57,875 --> 00:25:03,114 Well, it wasn't relaxing, but it was like forced downtime. 569 00:25:03,114 --> 00:25:04,642 Yeah, right it was forced downtime, but then you realize 570 00:25:04,823 --> 00:25:08,019 because you're you're an adult and you're healthy. 571 00:25:08,121 --> 00:25:09,669 Bryan: You're like we can't do this forever. 572 00:25:09,669 --> 00:25:10,557 No, no, this. 573 00:25:10,557 --> 00:25:11,965 This gets rid of old quick. 574 00:25:13,195 --> 00:25:14,642 Natalie: And so so that's the the social life. 575 00:25:16,096 --> 00:25:18,490 Bryan: You just got to be careful how you two communicate 576 00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:19,095 with each other about that. 577 00:25:19,095 --> 00:25:21,041 Like every one of these things that we'll get to that at the 578 00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:21,169 end. 579 00:25:21,169 --> 00:25:23,795 I want to talk about that at the end, but here's the the very 580 00:25:23,795 --> 00:25:24,438 the last time that we are. 581 00:25:24,438 --> 00:25:27,053 The second last one we want to talk about is behavioral changes 582 00:25:27,053 --> 00:25:27,053 . 583 00:25:27,053 --> 00:25:28,479 This one's interesting. 584 00:25:28,479 --> 00:25:30,315 You want to kind of break. 585 00:25:30,315 --> 00:25:32,502 Well, I just when we were talking about this, just thought 586 00:25:32,502 --> 00:25:32,784 of you know. 587 00:25:34,775 --> 00:25:39,795 Natalie: Jacqueline Hyde was the visual that came to my mind in 588 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:42,172 regards to behavioral changes. 589 00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:43,535 So we had an expectation. 590 00:25:43,535 --> 00:25:48,330 Um, I had an expectation in our dating years and in our 591 00:25:48,371 --> 00:25:51,339 marriage based on based on evidence and facts that you and 592 00:25:51,401 --> 00:25:56,082 I had actually talked about goals, plans that we had made 593 00:25:56,142 --> 00:25:57,688 for how this was going to roll out. 594 00:25:57,688 --> 00:26:00,443 And then the reality of marriage hit and it was nothing 595 00:26:00,463 --> 00:26:01,046 like we had set out. 596 00:26:01,046 --> 00:26:05,694 It was just like that didn't matter anymore. 597 00:26:05,694 --> 00:26:07,603 And it was. 598 00:26:07,603 --> 00:26:09,490 You know I, you pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. 599 00:26:09,490 --> 00:26:10,335 All right, we've got to go. 600 00:26:10,335 --> 00:26:12,401 You know I, you pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. 601 00:26:13,837 --> 00:26:16,140 We talked about this before, and it and it was um. 602 00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:17,463 You were like a chameleon. 603 00:26:17,463 --> 00:26:21,685 I felt really betrayed and I felt, um, like the rug had been 604 00:26:21,766 --> 00:26:26,257 ripped out from under me and we did not align Our reality, 605 00:26:26,297 --> 00:26:28,384 didn't align with with the expectation. 606 00:26:28,403 --> 00:26:28,845 Bryan: That's true. 607 00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:33,259 Natalie: Which can cause a lot of unease, Can cause a lot of 608 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:34,917 doubt, Can cause a lot of okay. 609 00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:35,559 Well, now I'm. 610 00:26:35,559 --> 00:26:36,943 What did I do? 611 00:26:36,943 --> 00:26:39,280 Like I made the biggest mistake . 612 00:26:39,375 --> 00:26:40,760 Bryan: That's really what it felt like. 613 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:45,633 Well and like, even even to that effect too, like I don't 614 00:26:45,653 --> 00:26:46,635 know, it's still like this. 615 00:26:46,635 --> 00:26:49,285 Now, when young couples get married, everyone and their dog 616 00:26:49,325 --> 00:26:53,026 is telling them like, oh, lower your expectations in this area, 617 00:26:53,095 --> 00:26:55,383 and oftentimes, especially when it's couples that we know that, 618 00:26:55,482 --> 00:26:56,819 of course, I've never had sex before. 619 00:26:56,819 --> 00:26:59,079 It's always about while living together. 620 00:26:59,079 --> 00:27:03,603 That's going to be new bathroom experiences, showers, um, and 621 00:27:03,643 --> 00:27:03,963 sex. 622 00:27:03,963 --> 00:27:06,212 Right, like, sex is always the big one, yeah. 623 00:27:06,474 --> 00:27:08,902 Natalie: What happens, though, if there is like a health crisis 624 00:27:08,902 --> 00:27:08,902 ? 625 00:27:09,201 --> 00:27:09,363 Bryan: Yeah. 626 00:27:09,703 --> 00:27:10,605 Natalie: And something happens. 627 00:27:10,645 --> 00:27:10,826 Bryan: Yeah. 628 00:27:11,075 --> 00:27:11,998 Natalie: You, just you can. 629 00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:16,077 You can plan on paper, but then you know your expectation of 630 00:27:16,521 --> 00:27:18,439 we're we're going to grow old together, we're going to be 631 00:27:18,519 --> 00:27:20,336 healthy and we're going to be doing all of these things and 632 00:27:20,355 --> 00:27:23,015 then, and then boom out of the blue which we know a few couples 633 00:27:23,015 --> 00:27:26,599 Health crisis happens right, and the expectation then you're. 634 00:27:26,599 --> 00:27:27,923 You're at that crossroads. 635 00:27:28,095 --> 00:27:30,561 Bryan: And I will as a point of encouragement to any men that 636 00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:33,240 are listening to this I was an extreme case. 637 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,042 I literally like when she says Jack along hide, she's not 638 00:27:36,063 --> 00:27:36,304 kidding. 639 00:27:36,304 --> 00:27:40,104 Before we were married, I was like the, the model boyfriend, 640 00:27:40,766 --> 00:27:41,708 model fiance. 641 00:27:42,461 --> 00:27:43,874 Natalie: With all the dumb cliches too. 642 00:27:43,874 --> 00:27:46,722 Yeah, I sing her songs and write me poetry. 643 00:27:48,396 --> 00:27:51,791 Bryan: And then I was not prepared for marriage and it hit 644 00:27:51,791 --> 00:27:55,465 me like a ton of bricks and I turned into to hide real quick. 645 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:59,384 Wait, no, jekyll, the other guy , the bad one, jekyll I don't 646 00:27:59,404 --> 00:28:01,599 know Whichever, but I just turned. 647 00:28:01,842 --> 00:28:04,973 I turned into something else that was not at all like I had I 648 00:28:04,973 --> 00:28:07,904 had expected, but also how she had expected. 649 00:28:07,904 --> 00:28:11,297 But I will tell you in all of that, as a point of 650 00:28:11,336 --> 00:28:13,325 encouragement, that you can come out of that. 651 00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:16,625 You can change, life can change , you can get better, you can 652 00:28:16,664 --> 00:28:18,721 have a good relationship, you can have a good marriage. 653 00:28:18,721 --> 00:28:21,483 It just takes a lot of work and a lot of intentionality. 654 00:28:21,796 --> 00:28:26,902 Natalie: Well, and a lot of self reflection, like you can't get 655 00:28:27,042 --> 00:28:28,510 help if you don't think there's a problem. 656 00:28:28,692 --> 00:28:28,833 Bryan: Yeah. 657 00:28:28,853 --> 00:28:32,247 Natalie: Right, and so if you're in a situation where you're you 658 00:28:32,247 --> 00:28:35,999 know you or your partners is suffering from like severe 659 00:28:36,038 --> 00:28:40,208 behavioral changes, reach out, get counseling. 660 00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:41,961 Bryan: Yeah, get counseling, get help. 661 00:28:42,316 --> 00:28:45,772 Natalie: I wish that we would have done that way earlier than 662 00:28:45,813 --> 00:28:46,095 we did. 663 00:28:46,095 --> 00:28:51,978 We are huge advocates for what is that Like? 664 00:28:51,978 --> 00:28:53,282 Extra help. 665 00:28:53,564 --> 00:28:55,480 Bryan: Yeah, counseling I just thank you. 666 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:56,635 Wow, you're. 667 00:28:56,635 --> 00:28:58,603 The words are not your strong suit today. 668 00:28:59,974 --> 00:29:02,303 Natalie: Right, um, because they will help you navigate the new 669 00:29:02,363 --> 00:29:02,864 dynamics. 670 00:29:02,984 --> 00:29:07,689 Bryan: Right the thing is to is that you, what happens sometimes 671 00:29:07,689 --> 00:29:11,282 if a couple is struggling in their relationship, especially 672 00:29:11,363 --> 00:29:14,517 over the course of years, and they don't really communicate. 673 00:29:14,517 --> 00:29:17,964 And then one day, you, you hear that you've seen it in movies, 674 00:29:18,045 --> 00:29:18,727 oh, they've changed. 675 00:29:18,727 --> 00:29:23,424 Yeah Well, if you were walking with them, you would have. 676 00:29:23,424 --> 00:29:27,061 You would have seen that change and worked with that change 677 00:29:27,142 --> 00:29:27,522 with them. 678 00:29:27,604 --> 00:29:30,365 And you would have grown together, the way that you look 679 00:29:30,405 --> 00:29:32,577 at someone else across the table when you're eating dinner and 680 00:29:32,597 --> 00:29:34,263 saying, man, you've changed, I don't know you anymore. 681 00:29:34,263 --> 00:29:36,272 It's because you weren't trying to communicate your way through 682 00:29:36,272 --> 00:29:38,715 it, or you just didn't know how , right, what. 683 00:29:38,715 --> 00:29:42,945 And so, all of a sudden, there can be, you can genuinely have 684 00:29:43,006 --> 00:29:44,898 different values and different. 685 00:29:44,898 --> 00:29:48,292 The way you view things is different the way all because 686 00:29:48,313 --> 00:29:51,423 you didn't communicate, you didn't come, you didn't talk 687 00:29:51,442 --> 00:29:54,548 about your expectations and you literally just lived in the same 688 00:29:54,548 --> 00:29:56,644 house for years and years, still being friends and still 689 00:29:56,683 --> 00:29:59,520 doing things and still having a maybe a good relationship, but 690 00:29:59,540 --> 00:30:02,954 you didn't know what was going on, so much so that you, you 691 00:30:03,317 --> 00:30:04,163 looked across one day. 692 00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:06,438 The kids are gone, like we, we didn't talk about this all, and 693 00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,874 Natalie can't talk about our kids leaving without getting a 694 00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:12,825 little teary-eyed, and but we're also thinking, like we hear 695 00:30:12,845 --> 00:30:15,924 this all the time they, they, the kids, leave, and now the 696 00:30:15,984 --> 00:30:17,270 husband and wife are like, well, who are you? 697 00:30:17,270 --> 00:30:18,939 Yeah, and we have. 698 00:30:18,939 --> 00:30:20,708 We really don't want that for each other. 699 00:30:20,708 --> 00:30:24,549 So that I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to a strong 700 00:30:24,549 --> 00:30:24,731 word. 701 00:30:24,731 --> 00:30:26,644 I don't want them to be gone, because I love my kids and I 702 00:30:26,685 --> 00:30:29,160 want to provide them every opportunity to succeed in the 703 00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:32,707 town that we're in, but when they're gone, I want to be able 704 00:30:32,728 --> 00:30:35,601 to be like Nat hey, let's just pack up and go away for two days 705 00:30:35,601 --> 00:30:39,198 and and be like let's be spontaneous, because we know 706 00:30:39,238 --> 00:30:39,821 each other well enough. 707 00:30:39,843 --> 00:30:42,131 I'm like I know where I'm going to take her and not look at her 708 00:30:42,169 --> 00:30:45,218 and be like, well, I'm going to hang out with the boys because I 709 00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:46,871 don't know who you are anymore, Right. 710 00:30:46,912 --> 00:30:47,295 Natalie: Exactly. 711 00:30:47,476 --> 00:30:48,299 Bryan: And so you're. 712 00:30:48,299 --> 00:30:51,154 You will change, but if you're working together in the 713 00:30:51,296 --> 00:30:53,789 relationship, you will change together and grow with each 714 00:30:53,871 --> 00:30:57,784 other and build with each other and and mature together, and 715 00:30:57,804 --> 00:30:58,886 that's exactly what you want. 716 00:31:00,336 --> 00:31:03,948 Natalie: And that was one of the things that we've talked about 717 00:31:04,288 --> 00:31:06,015 with our kids of like. 718 00:31:06,015 --> 00:31:11,314 We want to set you up to be, like I don't know model citizens 719 00:31:11,314 --> 00:31:18,290 , functioning citizens, contributing citizens, all the 720 00:31:18,330 --> 00:31:21,249 while cultivating our marriage right, because that is, first 721 00:31:21,391 --> 00:31:21,755 and foremost. 722 00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:23,462 Bryan: Right, Absolutely. 723 00:31:23,462 --> 00:31:26,834 And the last thing in before we we close this down is just 724 00:31:26,854 --> 00:31:32,580 sometimes affection or emotional support or and you know what 725 00:31:32,661 --> 00:31:39,266 it's okay to say to your spouse spouse, I got 50% of me today. 726 00:31:40,434 --> 00:31:42,460 Natalie: That's fair, right, and it's you know? 727 00:31:43,082 --> 00:31:45,936 um, yes, the effort you're putting in is a hundred percent 728 00:31:46,176 --> 00:31:50,386 and a hundred percent If you want to make it work over the 729 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:51,237 the long haul. 730 00:31:51,237 --> 00:31:56,670 But there's times where you know work was awful, or you know 731 00:31:56,670 --> 00:31:59,923 you've got some bad news or whatnot, and you're just not at 732 00:31:59,963 --> 00:32:00,625 your optimal. 733 00:32:00,625 --> 00:32:03,864 And it's okay to not be at your optimal. 734 00:32:03,864 --> 00:32:06,442 Yeah, I think that's where we shoulder each other. 735 00:32:06,442 --> 00:32:10,260 Um, where, where, if I'm generally speaking, it's worked 736 00:32:10,301 --> 00:32:11,144 out this way for us. 737 00:32:11,144 --> 00:32:18,042 Where, if I'm not a hundred percent and I'm like 30%, your 738 00:32:18,884 --> 00:32:21,269 70% right, and so we balance each other out. 739 00:32:21,555 --> 00:32:25,065 Bryan: Yeah, absolutely, and it's a back and forth and and I 740 00:32:25,085 --> 00:32:28,686 think the expectation that someone else is giving 100, like 741 00:32:28,686 --> 00:32:31,580 they're at a hundred percent all the time, is unrealistic, 742 00:32:31,981 --> 00:32:34,795 especially when you you have children and you both are 743 00:32:34,894 --> 00:32:38,229 working and you both have maybe higher stress jobs or you're 744 00:32:38,390 --> 00:32:41,566 like finances may not be great or relationships with your 745 00:32:41,748 --> 00:32:42,633 in-laws may not be like. 746 00:32:42,633 --> 00:32:44,823 Whatever your situation may be, it's. 747 00:32:44,823 --> 00:32:48,057 It's unrealistic for me to assume that every single day, 748 00:32:48,198 --> 00:32:50,045 natalie's going to be at a hundred percent. 749 00:32:50,125 --> 00:32:50,326 Natalie: Right. 750 00:32:50,728 --> 00:32:54,346 Bryan: Right, and and if I have that expectation on her and she 751 00:32:54,366 --> 00:32:56,784 didn't know about it and now I'm disappointed because I didn't 752 00:32:56,804 --> 00:32:58,797 communicate that with her and she couldn't even say hey, well, 753 00:32:58,797 --> 00:33:00,362 that's not, how can I do that? 754 00:33:00,623 --> 00:33:02,920 Natalie: Right and we're mismatched because you have an 755 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:06,934 expectation of of what your needs are and how I'm able to 756 00:33:06,954 --> 00:33:07,376 provide. 757 00:33:07,497 --> 00:33:08,239 Bryan: Yeah, yeah. 758 00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:13,453 Natalie: And then I can't offer that, or I'm I like, I just I 759 00:33:13,795 --> 00:33:18,226 don't have the capacity to do that, or or I'm upset about 760 00:33:18,266 --> 00:33:20,522 something and I'm unwilling to do that. 761 00:33:20,522 --> 00:33:23,394 It just creates again another tug of war of feelings and 762 00:33:23,454 --> 00:33:24,057 emotions. 763 00:33:24,979 --> 00:33:26,644 Bryan: We're just ripping each other back and forth, right. 764 00:33:26,703 --> 00:33:30,701 Natalie: Like you know, you might want to or I might want to 765 00:33:30,701 --> 00:33:35,416 , crave, you know, deep conversation and you were like I 766 00:33:35,416 --> 00:33:36,579 just can't right now. 767 00:33:36,780 --> 00:33:37,301 Bryan: I got nothing. 768 00:33:37,301 --> 00:33:42,643 And there's been times where Natalie is talking to me about 769 00:33:42,682 --> 00:33:44,386 the day and I and I just had come home. 770 00:33:44,386 --> 00:33:47,011 I'm sitting on the couch with the kids, they're all talking to 771 00:33:47,011 --> 00:33:50,761 me and I said, Whoa, everyone, I just need 15 minutes, Give me, 772 00:33:50,761 --> 00:33:51,443 give me some time. 773 00:33:51,443 --> 00:33:56,502 Or sometimes my, my way is not nearly that gentle and I'm just 774 00:33:56,522 --> 00:33:56,943 like everyone. 775 00:33:56,943 --> 00:33:57,586 Just stop talking. 776 00:33:57,586 --> 00:33:59,681 I'm going to go to the bedroom and just lay down because I'm 777 00:33:59,721 --> 00:34:00,083 tired. 778 00:34:00,303 --> 00:34:00,503 Natalie: Yeah. 779 00:34:00,615 --> 00:34:01,336 Bryan: Give me 20 minutes. 780 00:34:01,336 --> 00:34:04,425 And I barked instead of just said, hey, I just need a break, 781 00:34:04,815 --> 00:34:06,761 like I just need a few minutes just to recharge and I'm going 782 00:34:06,781 --> 00:34:07,042 to come out. 783 00:34:07,042 --> 00:34:07,605 We're going to do this. 784 00:34:08,175 --> 00:34:10,943 Natalie: Right and and again right, Like there's grace in the 785 00:34:10,943 --> 00:34:13,860 moment, but it boils down to like communicating. 786 00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:18,036 Hey, it's not that I don't want to have meaningful conversation 787 00:34:18,036 --> 00:34:22,273 or whatever, but I, you know, I just had to let someone go 788 00:34:22,313 --> 00:34:26,130 today or whatever, or someone died, or there could be a 789 00:34:26,190 --> 00:34:30,184 multitude, you know, fill in the blanks of reasons why, which is 790 00:34:30,184 --> 00:34:34,577 drains on our emotional ability and and yes, we don't want to 791 00:34:34,657 --> 00:34:38,514 stay in that place, but there, there, there has to be 792 00:34:38,554 --> 00:34:40,222 communication of like a recharge time. 793 00:34:40,855 --> 00:34:44,731 Bryan: Right and and I like how we've titled each one of these 794 00:34:44,811 --> 00:34:46,358 things is the silent strain. 795 00:34:46,358 --> 00:34:50,394 There's a silent strain that comes and I think, even after 796 00:34:50,414 --> 00:34:53,603 we've talked about our own through each one of these things 797 00:34:53,603 --> 00:34:53,603 . 798 00:34:53,603 --> 00:34:56,177 They're the one thing that we didn't do. 799 00:34:56,177 --> 00:34:58,664 And then the one thing that we encourage whenever we coach 800 00:34:58,755 --> 00:35:01,552 couples, whenever we're doing pre marriage with couples, the 801 00:35:01,632 --> 00:35:03,900 one thing that we encourage to do is to communicate clearly, 802 00:35:04,422 --> 00:35:08,606 communicate what the expectation is, if it can be met, meet the 803 00:35:08,646 --> 00:35:11,257 expectation if possible, and now that it's been voiced, you can 804 00:35:11,297 --> 00:35:12,663 actually work through those things together. 805 00:35:12,755 --> 00:35:13,197 Natalie: That's right. 806 00:35:13,197 --> 00:35:14,985 It's not just like voicing at once. 807 00:35:14,985 --> 00:35:18,177 This is like in all of these things we talked about tonight, 808 00:35:18,277 --> 00:35:22,056 these are like ongoing conversations because as you 809 00:35:22,096 --> 00:35:25,853 grow together and as, as your seasons changing, your kids grow 810 00:35:25,853 --> 00:35:26,014 up. 811 00:35:26,014 --> 00:35:30,385 Or you have kids or or maybe you don't have kids and you get 812 00:35:30,445 --> 00:35:31,327 for babies instead. 813 00:35:31,327 --> 00:35:35,192 Right, there's always going to be opportunity for you to 814 00:35:35,251 --> 00:35:38,222 communicate, and it's not just what we communicated once and 815 00:35:38,262 --> 00:35:39,085 that should be good. 816 00:35:41,782 --> 00:35:43,711 Bryan: No, it's like it's like I said I love you once when we 817 00:35:43,731 --> 00:35:44,173 got married. 818 00:35:44,173 --> 00:35:45,358 You know that I feel that way. 819 00:35:45,438 --> 00:35:48,085 Natalie: Well, no, if it changes , I'll tell you Silliness, 820 00:35:48,315 --> 00:35:48,958 that's right. 821 00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:51,311 Bryan: And I would say this with with all of our team. 822 00:35:51,311 --> 00:35:52,398 I said leaders are repeaters. 823 00:35:52,398 --> 00:35:55,333 If I want to lead my house, nally one, and I want to lead 824 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:57,610 our children, we're going to repeat hey, I love you, this is 825 00:35:57,670 --> 00:35:58,536 a discipline in our house. 826 00:35:58,536 --> 00:35:59,619 This is a good, this is a bad. 827 00:35:59,619 --> 00:36:01,998 We're going to repeat it over and over and even to each other. 828 00:36:01,998 --> 00:36:05,237 We're going to repeat certain things because we want them us 829 00:36:05,257 --> 00:36:06,420 to, and not in a nagging way. 830 00:36:06,420 --> 00:36:07,463 That's a whole nother podcast. 831 00:36:07,463 --> 00:36:08,255 Let's not talk about that. 832 00:36:08,255 --> 00:36:13,148 But I think the just as we close I know this is a bit of a 833 00:36:13,195 --> 00:36:16,864 longer one- it had to be, though , because it's a big topic. 834 00:36:16,945 --> 00:36:17,786 And this is even just. 835 00:36:17,786 --> 00:36:20,043 I feel like we just scratching the surface of some of the 836 00:36:20,103 --> 00:36:22,789 stories that we heard from from people and some of the things 837 00:36:22,829 --> 00:36:29,083 that we've been through in our own relationship, even even what 838 00:36:29,083 --> 00:36:33,635 I just said a few minutes ago the if you can communicate with 839 00:36:33,657 --> 00:36:38,148 your spouse, if you can take something that has become your 840 00:36:38,215 --> 00:36:38,536 normal. 841 00:36:39,157 --> 00:36:42,927 That should have been the exception, right, and you are 842 00:36:43,007 --> 00:36:46,324 actually experiencing like your actions tension and there's 843 00:36:46,364 --> 00:36:48,521 tension in the relationship and you believe one thing and she 844 00:36:48,541 --> 00:36:49,896 believes another, or he believes another. 845 00:36:49,896 --> 00:36:52,864 However, you and then you're you have to work towards it, and 846 00:36:52,864 --> 00:36:55,139 then your actions are saying something different. 847 00:36:55,139 --> 00:36:58,115 Hey, like you, you can communicate and you can work 848 00:36:58,155 --> 00:37:00,603 your way through these types of this type of tension, this 849 00:37:00,664 --> 00:37:02,378 mental strain the way that we said that they are. 850 00:37:02,378 --> 00:37:05,518 You can work through this and actually be successful Like you 851 00:37:05,538 --> 00:37:05,938 can be like. 852 00:37:05,998 --> 00:37:07,862 Natalie: what do you call a true hold, please? 853 00:37:08,304 --> 00:37:10,597 Bryan: Let's talk about this, plant that in the ground and 854 00:37:10,639 --> 00:37:12,996 just be like, hey, we're gonna do something a little bit 855 00:37:13,036 --> 00:37:14,318 different, right? 856 00:37:14,981 --> 00:37:15,382 Natalie: That's right. 857 00:37:15,402 --> 00:37:15,782 Bryan: You with me. 858 00:37:15,782 --> 00:37:17,286 Oh yeah, you still love me. 859 00:37:18,500 --> 00:37:19,396 Natalie: Yes, yeah. 860 00:37:20,097 --> 00:37:21,199 Bryan: Notice that she paused there. 861 00:37:21,199 --> 00:37:25,480 Everyone, if you have really been enjoying a while the last 862 00:37:25,500 --> 00:37:27,894 few episodes, but just this podcast and journal, it really, 863 00:37:27,974 --> 00:37:29,061 really does mean a lot to us. 864 00:37:29,061 --> 00:37:31,356 When you won, you can go onto our website, you can leave a 865 00:37:31,376 --> 00:37:31,759 review. 866 00:37:31,759 --> 00:37:34,835 You can also go onto the website and you can follow us on 867 00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:38,766 Instagram, you can follow us on Facebook and, if you have and 868 00:37:38,826 --> 00:37:41,949 share it with everyone that you know, if you have a topic or 869 00:37:42,048 --> 00:37:44,619 question or something that you like us discuss, please just 870 00:37:44,759 --> 00:37:46,423 email us at amplifiedmarriagecom . 871 00:37:46,423 --> 00:37:51,224 We love hearing from you and, as you have heard us say many 872 00:37:51,264 --> 00:37:54,440 times before, we believe that marriage can be reset, refreshed 873 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:55,764 , be charged and restored. 874 00:37:55,905 --> 00:37:57,356 Thanks so much for listening Talk to you soon.