WEBVTT 00:00:01.683 --> 00:00:05.152 You've probably heard this word or this phrase quite a few types. 00:00:05.152 --> 00:00:10.788 Cognitive dissonance, something that's said in the news, you see in articles and other podcasts. 00:00:10.788 --> 00:00:24.724 Today, we actually want to talk about it really in its simplest terms, and we're actually going to talk about this more is that your values or your beliefs don't line up with your actions, and we want to talk about how that affects us in our marriages and our relationships. 00:00:24.724 --> 00:00:44.326 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 00:00:44.326 --> 00:00:45.469 I'm Brian, I'm Natalie. 00:00:45.469 --> 00:00:51.351 You have heard us say many times, wherever you are grab a coffee, grab a tea, chill out and relax. 00:00:51.351 --> 00:00:59.911 We're going to be talking about it's a pretty heavy topic, it's not an easy topic, but it's something that is absolutely needed to be talked about today. 00:01:00.210 --> 00:01:00.612 That's right. 00:01:00.612 --> 00:01:05.019 And if you missed our last episode, we talked about how fear fuels tension. 00:01:05.019 --> 00:01:07.427 Oh geez, that's a tongue twister, that's a tongue twister. 00:01:07.427 --> 00:01:08.885 The fear of the unknown. 00:01:08.885 --> 00:01:17.908 We talked about anxiety and stress specifically for the what if scenarios and going through that, so I highly recommend you check that out. 00:01:17.908 --> 00:01:22.444 We're kind of in a tension series, I guess you could call it yeah. 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:57.427 Just, it's been one of those, those ones that as we kind of we, we did some research, we kind of thought back into our own relationship and how fear was such a fuel, a part of it, how even some of the what we're going to be talking about today and the cognitive cognitive that I can say that five times faster cognitive dissonance, how that played a real huge part of our relationship until we learned a few things like how to communicate, how to talk about expectations, how to how to actually deal with conflict, how those things actually left unchecked can grow into something big. 00:01:57.780 --> 00:02:02.114 And so we do have a definition, and we want to start with this about what it actually is. 00:02:02.436 --> 00:02:03.620 This is a clinical definition. 00:02:04.141 --> 00:02:05.908 I'm going to let you read it, because there's a lot of big words. 00:02:06.299 --> 00:02:18.402 A psychological conflict resulting from simultaneously held incongruous beliefs and attitudes, and the example that psychology today said was as a fawness for smoking and a belief that it is harmful. 00:02:18.402 --> 00:02:23.128 I know there's a lot of mumble jumble there. 00:02:23.128 --> 00:02:25.006 We're going to break it down to simpler terms. 00:02:25.526 --> 00:02:29.990 Okay, so here here's what it is, when we break it down to a little bit easier to like. 00:02:29.990 --> 00:02:50.752 My kind of reading level is this cognitive dissonance is a mental conflict that occurs when your beliefs don't line up with your actions, and the way that is been put is that it's an uncomfortable state of mind when someone myself or you or whoever listening has a contradictory values, attitudes or perspectives about the same thing. 00:02:51.213 --> 00:02:51.653 That's right. 00:02:52.300 --> 00:02:59.463 And so when we talk today, there's going to be a few things that maybe you've heard, even a conversation with other people, and there's a bunch of terms. 00:02:59.463 --> 00:03:00.486 I'm going to read just a few of them. 00:03:00.486 --> 00:03:01.870 Like mental conflict is one of them. 00:03:01.870 --> 00:03:15.668 Yeah, this all means the same thing, it all means aspects of the same thing, but like mental conflict, inner turmoil, psychological tension, belief discrepancy You've heard that one a lot. 00:03:15.668 --> 00:03:19.227 Yeah, moral dilemma and moral dilemma Woo. 00:03:19.426 --> 00:03:21.050 Let me speak that kind of podcast, yep. 00:03:22.500 --> 00:03:25.563 And like a value conflict and so like. 00:03:25.563 --> 00:03:56.629 When two people who are man and woman come into a relationship and two people that have opposing ideas, opposing childhoods, opposing circumstances, opposing the way they've grown up, opposing genealogies, different cultures, sometimes different upbringing, like all of those things come from a divorced home versus not divorced home, all of those things can create tension in a relationship which is in a fancy word, and some things that can come up are things like cognitive dissonance. 00:03:56.629 --> 00:04:04.471 Now we want to break them down and we actually want to equate them to some of the situations we've found ourselves in our own marriage and for your own use. 00:04:04.500 --> 00:04:07.526 And if you think I'm going to skip this one, this isn't really relative to me. 00:04:07.979 --> 00:04:11.408 Like this relevant, relevant, oh Lord, yep that kind of podcast. 00:04:11.408 --> 00:04:16.620 Hey, it's just, we're just going to go with it Relevant. 00:04:16.620 --> 00:04:19.348 You probably are in this current situation. 00:04:19.348 --> 00:04:24.744 Yeah, Because even as we were prepping and stuff we're going through, we're like no, they've been there, been there, been there, still there. 00:04:25.124 --> 00:04:26.026 Yeah, we live here. 00:04:26.026 --> 00:04:27.329 This one's been a tough one. 00:04:27.329 --> 00:04:32.607 We don't like this one, so the very first one that we want to start with is like it's. 00:04:32.607 --> 00:04:35.793 We call it a value of value discrepancy. 00:04:35.793 --> 00:04:40.466 There's a difference, so the way that we kind of laid this out is one. 00:04:40.466 --> 00:04:50.293 This is a financial version, so say that I'm the spender and Natalie is the saver which is true. 00:04:51.560 --> 00:05:06.089 Is it, though, or at least it was so, because she's a saver and I'm a spender, our two versions of what to do with our money clash, and that causes us to have a little bit of tension in the relationship. 00:05:06.370 --> 00:05:29.966 That's right, and it's hard, especially when you've not had ample resources, as finances go For this to be a cycle that repeats itself right because when, when there's plenty, it's much easier to be on the same page. 00:05:30.447 --> 00:05:34.382 Yeah, when your bank account is full, man, it's easy to trust God like we're gonna save. 00:05:34.642 --> 00:05:35.485 We're gonna put money over here. 00:05:35.485 --> 00:05:40.817 We're gonna put money over there when there's when there's, you know, substantial Money to do that. 00:05:40.817 --> 00:05:59.321 When there's not and this is where we found ourselves is when there wasn't it was like we just kind of shut off, like what we should be doing with our money, we're like forget it, we're just gonna go Out for lunch or whatever. 00:05:59.321 --> 00:06:01.853 I'm like we shouldn't go out for lunch because we really can't afford. 00:06:01.853 --> 00:06:05.944 You're like I'm not gonna let and you know, not having any money prevent me from doing the things I want to do. 00:06:05.944 --> 00:06:07.348 And so we were in this constant. 00:06:08.036 --> 00:06:10.865 Which is stupid, which, even if I think back about it's really dumb. 00:06:11.375 --> 00:06:12.500 Well, it was dumb and we paid. 00:06:12.500 --> 00:06:24.757 Like you've heard us say in many podcasts, if you have joined us in our webinars, we paid the stupid tax for our Junkie financial Choices that we made. 00:06:24.757 --> 00:06:26.781 We, we paid a consequence for it. 00:06:27.081 --> 00:06:33.654 Well, and one of the the primary reasons for divorce in North America I still think this stat holds is that it's finances. 00:06:34.096 --> 00:06:36.221 I would agree and it's a lack of communication. 00:06:36.221 --> 00:06:40.401 So Nat and I fought Tremendous amounts over the like. 00:06:40.401 --> 00:06:41.966 I'm not kidding, I wouldn't tell her. 00:06:41.966 --> 00:06:43.550 And this is again game. 00:06:43.550 --> 00:06:44.714 This is where we're gonna age yourself. 00:06:44.714 --> 00:06:45.757 This is. 00:06:45.817 --> 00:06:52.014 We're so old that if we wanted to know what was in our bank we had to go to the bank machine and then, all of a sudden, telephone banking come on. 00:06:52.014 --> 00:06:56.694 You could call in and it would tell you this is long before, so I would know what was in there. 00:06:56.694 --> 00:07:02.742 But Nat would say I would leave the house in the morning to go to work and she's like you can't buy anything today, she's. 00:07:02.742 --> 00:07:03.529 I was like what do you mean? 00:07:03.529 --> 00:07:05.000 I can't buy anything, so we don't have enough money. 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:07.697 Because she called and we knew what was in there, she knew what the bills were coming out. 00:07:07.697 --> 00:07:08.862 She's like you can't buy. 00:07:08.862 --> 00:07:09.824 We have to save her money. 00:07:09.824 --> 00:07:12.851 We want to have a little bit of extra at the end of the month to be able to do this. 00:07:12.872 --> 00:07:17.389 That the other thing you can't spend anything in me being like oh, whatever, it's just, it is what it is. 00:07:17.389 --> 00:07:19.134 I'll just make more dumb me. 00:07:19.134 --> 00:07:26.321 I would go out and I'd buy $10 lunch back when McDonald's was 10 bucks or seven bucks or where it was and that cost us. 00:07:26.321 --> 00:07:31.360 Or back when I was a smoker, she'd say you can't go, you can't have pop, you can't have any food, you can't do anything. 00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:35.464 And I would go buy cigars, yeah, instead of saving the money and this causes. 00:07:35.464 --> 00:07:37.735 Or I would go to the store and be like I need new shirts. 00:07:37.735 --> 00:07:48.689 So it's about a shirt, knowing that I have plenty shirts at home that could are still usable, but for whatever reason, that did not sink in, and so that caused a tremendous amount of tension, and so our two values. 00:07:49.576 --> 00:07:49.956 We're different. 00:07:49.956 --> 00:07:54.327 And there was this, this air of pride, and there was this air of you don't tell me what to do. 00:07:54.595 --> 00:08:00.887 Absolutely, and I'm stubborn that way, like why did you have my wish there was cameras to see what your face? 00:08:00.987 --> 00:08:02.230 does in certain things. 00:08:05.456 --> 00:08:08.142 But I'm stubborn and I don't like to be told what to do. 00:08:08.142 --> 00:08:10.538 Like as an eight, as a challenger, I'm like, I don't want to be controlled. 00:08:10.538 --> 00:08:13.125 I also don't need to be in control, which is almost counter. 00:08:13.894 --> 00:08:15.802 Intuitive and see, here's the thing too. 00:08:15.802 --> 00:08:20.966 We talked about finances when we, before we, got married and we talked about it all. 00:08:22.355 --> 00:08:35.951 All the way through, like we talked about everything, but but then you're faced with the reality of it and and it was like we shouldn't, but like one, you know, and then one gives in because one doesn't. 00:08:35.951 --> 00:08:42.197 You know, I didn't want you to be mad, I didn't want, you know, do you feel like I was like lording over you what you know? 00:08:42.197 --> 00:08:45.365 We're telling you what you couldn't, couldn't do, and controlling you and all of this. 00:08:45.365 --> 00:08:58.904 And so there was this Tension in our marriage for years Not just the beginning years in regards to you know, we couldn't go on vacations because there was just no extra money to go on vacations. 00:08:58.945 --> 00:09:07.561 Well, one, because is I wasn't working a really high-paying job and we, honestly, we would have done a lot better had not had honestly and not spent as much as I did. 00:09:07.561 --> 00:09:12.481 Right, there would have been more opportunity, but it's one of those things. 00:09:12.481 --> 00:09:17.647 We come from a Generate, my parents didn't teach me anything about money, so what are we doing with our kids? 00:09:17.647 --> 00:09:18.567 We're teaching them about money? 00:09:18.567 --> 00:09:22.432 Like this is we used to pay their taxes for Amazon with different world. 00:09:22.432 --> 00:09:25.567 Now you can pay up till 13 years old. 00:09:25.567 --> 00:09:28.119 You pay for whatever's on there, we'll take care of the taxes, kind of like. 00:09:28.119 --> 00:09:30.166 We're teaching your kids how to do money a bit better than we do. 00:09:30.166 --> 00:09:50.815 We never learned that stuff and I had to learn that the hard way, after going into debt, paying the stupid tax for years, like it was only in like 2018 or 1918, 1718 where we finally Got our crap together and we actually paid our debts off and now now we're in a safe Mostly a safe place. 00:09:51.256 --> 00:09:57.303 I say so in a comfortable place that we're able to take care of our kids Well and live in a really expensive city and we're being blessed. 00:09:57.303 --> 00:10:07.341 But man, it's a lot of work and budgets are hard and the problem being is a lot of people Consistency well, consistency is hard with the budget, but a lot of people didn't learn how to budget. 00:10:07.341 --> 00:10:09.869 And then, yes, you talked about money. 00:10:09.869 --> 00:10:17.246 Like we, when we do pre-marriage counseling, we hammer on this with them because we always know one's gonna be a spender and one is gonna be a. 00:10:18.216 --> 00:10:19.197 Savor always. 00:10:19.258 --> 00:10:20.721 I've never, ever coached. 00:10:20.721 --> 00:10:24.307 We've never coached a couple or done pre marriage with a couple that ever was one. 00:10:24.307 --> 00:10:26.741 They were both spenders and they're both savers. 00:10:26.741 --> 00:10:28.427 There's always one or the other. 00:10:28.687 --> 00:10:42.998 Yeah, so just provided a lot of inner and outer conflict and because you know, even if if we weren't fighting about it like verbally oh, I was thinking it- and there's ten, there's tension right and it was just like. 00:10:42.998 --> 00:10:43.318 You know. 00:10:43.318 --> 00:10:54.414 You can see it in the moment it's like oh, this is great, like we're, we're out and everything is fine, except everything is not fine Because the reality of the situation is so waiting for you when you get home. 00:10:54.836 --> 00:11:03.434 Yeah and we didn't just we did not understand how to make money work for us, but also to get on the same page when it came to budgeting. 00:11:03.775 --> 00:11:28.774 Yeah, and then, even moving on to that, one of the other ways that in marriage, that you you struggle in this area Is that there could be different parenting styles, is that one wants to be a bit more Strict yeah my hand is up and I'm a bit more on the strict side and Natalie, when the kids were young, was a bit more on the the lenient side, but still strict. 00:11:28.774 --> 00:11:34.907 This is one of those areas where the majority of our, with our children, we've been on the same page for a lot of stuff. 00:11:35.428 --> 00:11:35.629 Yes. 00:11:36.264 --> 00:11:37.590 For most things when it came to the kids. 00:11:37.590 --> 00:11:41.471 But we sure couldn't get finances together, but we sure raised the kids together. 00:11:42.705 --> 00:11:47.051 No, and again, this is one of the things we talked about, and talking about it is great. 00:11:47.051 --> 00:11:50.389 It gives you a place, a starting point, it gives you a goal. 00:11:50.570 --> 00:11:50.730 Right. 00:11:51.365 --> 00:11:52.971 Then you're faced with the reality of having children. 00:11:53.130 --> 00:11:53.432 Oh boy. 00:11:53.985 --> 00:12:05.158 And you know I was in my mid-20s when we had our first child and you know I'm grateful I wasn't in my young 20s, like my early 20s. 00:12:05.177 --> 00:12:05.499 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:12:06.346 --> 00:12:08.894 Because I think it would have been a different. 00:12:08.894 --> 00:12:10.129 It would have looked a lot differently. 00:12:11.047 --> 00:12:16.546 Well, even with our first kid we did, and that's the guinea pig, that's what everyone says we would. 00:12:16.546 --> 00:12:18.594 We let him stay up till 10, 30 or 11. 00:12:18.594 --> 00:12:25.052 And then eventually one of our friends is like hey, I don't think that's gonna work for you, you need to be more consistent and change how that works. 00:12:25.052 --> 00:12:25.934 And we did. 00:12:25.934 --> 00:12:27.067 I remember my sister. 00:12:27.067 --> 00:12:32.313 She came up and she's like man, why do you put your kids to bed so early? 00:12:32.313 --> 00:12:35.091 It's like 6.30 now, like we had all three kids and she had no kids. 00:12:35.091 --> 00:12:39.211 And she used to give me grief, not like in a mean way, but I was just like why do you do that? 00:12:39.211 --> 00:12:41.953 I'd let my kids stay up till at least eight o'clock. 00:12:41.953 --> 00:12:51.932 Then she had kids and all of her kids at the age that they're at now or the age of my kids, they all go to bed before eight before seven, sometimes the most, the two youngest. 00:12:52.004 --> 00:12:52.707 And they were young. 00:12:52.707 --> 00:12:53.591 They went to bed at six. 00:12:53.725 --> 00:12:55.029 And she's like now I see why. 00:12:56.245 --> 00:13:06.051 And here's a thing that just came to me as we were just having a conversation is that not undermining you? 00:13:06.051 --> 00:13:09.893 We worked really hard not to undermine each other in front of our kids. 00:13:10.184 --> 00:13:13.347 Yeah, that wasn't always successful, but Right of like. 00:13:14.390 --> 00:13:22.211 Well, we had talked about this and then a situation arose and it was like why, in the moment, changed my mind and I think you're being harsh. 00:13:22.711 --> 00:13:22.893 Yeah. 00:13:23.585 --> 00:13:26.551 Right and in front of the kids is not the time to have a conversation. 00:13:26.985 --> 00:13:43.514 No, and we're when they were younger, when we were trying to establish, like right now, if we disagree, we'll just disagree in front of the kids, Unless it's not a serious issue, but they need to see that we're on the same page. 00:13:43.644 --> 00:13:46.379 They see that we have conflict and conflict is not a bad thing. 00:13:46.419 --> 00:13:47.345 No, and we're resolving it. 00:13:47.384 --> 00:13:48.409 Resolved conflict is bad. 00:13:49.086 --> 00:13:59.370 But where you're gonna struggle in parenting is when it comes to that side, and we actually see this when we coach with couples, especially when they have children. 00:13:59.370 --> 00:14:06.052 Is that one the kids know, the parents, one will give in and one won't yes. 00:14:06.052 --> 00:14:10.207 And so they actually manipulate both of them to get what they want. 00:14:10.570 --> 00:14:11.211 Huge tension. 00:14:11.907 --> 00:14:16.472 And it's when you're in the middle of having kids all under the age of like 11 or 12 or 13,. 00:14:16.472 --> 00:14:28.975 That cycle right there is incredibly challenging anyway, without you and your spouse or you and your partner not being in the same, in the same mindset about how we're gonna discipline our kids. 00:14:28.975 --> 00:14:33.950 If you say no snacks before bed, but the other one is like, yeah, you could have a snack before bed, but they were like I already told them no. 00:14:33.950 --> 00:14:37.293 And then the kid comes up well, my snack. 00:14:37.293 --> 00:14:39.011 Well, dad said yes and mom said no. 00:14:39.011 --> 00:14:41.373 Well, you weren't on the same page. 00:14:41.373 --> 00:14:42.850 And then you gotta work it out right there. 00:14:42.850 --> 00:14:51.293 But if that happens over and over and over about every little thing, well, no, pop, yes, yes, no, oh it is, did they get? 00:14:51.325 --> 00:14:56.895 We're taking time bomb for the parent that is wanting the established rules followed. 00:14:56.895 --> 00:15:07.048 I was like, hey, we talked about this and we agreed that this was how it was going to go, and then it doesn't. 00:15:07.048 --> 00:15:14.289 It creates undue unnecessary because you talked about this already, like it was communicated. 00:15:14.289 --> 00:15:27.014 And if there's a change that needs to be made because it's a special occasion or whatever, like a birthday or whatever then talk about that so that parents are on the same page. 00:15:27.304 --> 00:15:33.451 And contradictory popular, what you see over all over Instagram and TikTok and all these things. 00:15:33.451 --> 00:15:37.115 Now it's okay that your kid is disappointed 100%. 00:15:37.115 --> 00:15:41.712 And it's okay that you disciplined your child and said, in fact, I'm gonna support dad here. 00:15:41.712 --> 00:15:44.394 Dad said no snacks before bed, I'm going with dad. 00:15:44.394 --> 00:15:45.629 We didn't talk about it. 00:15:45.629 --> 00:15:46.933 Yeah, that's hard on you. 00:15:46.933 --> 00:15:48.490 That's okay that you're disappointed. 00:15:48.490 --> 00:15:49.573 You don't need to have a snack before. 00:15:49.573 --> 00:15:50.828 Do you just had dinner an hour ago? 00:15:50.828 --> 00:15:52.013 We're gonna go with that. 00:15:52.013 --> 00:15:54.650 It's okay that you do that with your kids, right, like? 00:15:54.691 --> 00:16:01.225 it's okay, 100%, I think. 00:16:01.225 --> 00:16:04.715 Learning to cope with disappointment. 00:16:04.715 --> 00:16:12.870 Is a good thing for the kids Is a good thing and it's a good thing for us as parents to teach our kids and it's not to use it to manipulate and to just be mean and cruel. 00:16:12.870 --> 00:16:25.409 There are times where it's a no, and it has to be a no and it's okay that they express their disappointment in that, at the end of the day, you are the parent. 00:16:25.409 --> 00:16:25.669 Yeah. 00:16:26.292 --> 00:16:28.990 Yeah, and yeah, absolutely. 00:16:28.990 --> 00:16:37.572 One of the next things that actually causes stress and it caused a lot of stress between Natalie and I and a lot of tension was work-life balance. 00:16:37.572 --> 00:16:54.796 This is a huge one that I didn't really know that I was as much of a workaholic as I was until when I started that trail back when we first started dating, because I had jobs before but I wasn't working like 60 hours a week Like I was there. 00:16:54.796 --> 00:17:02.414 I didn't realize I was a workaholic or enjoyed working that much, and part of it was because our marriage was terrible and I didn't want to go home. 00:17:02.626 --> 00:17:04.525 The other part of it is I wanted to provide for you. 00:17:04.525 --> 00:17:10.771 So again, on one hand I'm like I really don't want to go home because all we're going to do is fight, but on the other hand. 00:17:10.771 --> 00:17:14.415 I really need to go to work, so I can support her, so I can go home and so we can fight. 00:17:14.517 --> 00:17:16.852 Like it was just a weird, you're at an emotional cross, yeah. 00:17:17.085 --> 00:17:22.228 And so I worked a lot, like I was working five, six, seven times seven. 00:17:22.228 --> 00:17:25.396 I remember one time when we actually had a baby and I was still at trail. 00:17:25.396 --> 00:17:33.727 I remember kissing Natalie goodbye on a Monday and saying I'll see you Saturday Essentially kind of thing, because she was in bed before I got home and I was gone before she woke up. 00:17:33.727 --> 00:17:42.204 So often we would talk on the phone a couple of times and this is one of those things that I didn't know was going to happen and we didn't handle very well. 00:17:42.204 --> 00:17:56.442 Also, not wanting to go home and you not wanting to be with me because we were fighting all the time made it easier for me to go, but we never communicated about it, we never talked about it, we never and then when we did, it was just flaccid in the pan, mad Well why are? 00:17:56.462 --> 00:17:57.266 you gone all the time. 00:17:57.266 --> 00:18:06.326 Well, because we don't have as much money and I'm struggling like I want to work and Well, it was always under the guise of financially providing Right. 00:18:06.326 --> 00:18:08.538 And part of it was thinking back. 00:18:08.538 --> 00:18:12.713 I mean, part of it was because I wanted to make sure I was supporting you Truthfully. 00:18:12.713 --> 00:18:23.112 But there's the other part where we were just arguing and fighting all the time and it was hard to be at home yeah, but you get in this cognitive dissonance when I'm craving quality time with you. 00:18:23.413 --> 00:18:25.339 Yeah, and I understand that you have to work. 00:18:25.339 --> 00:18:28.008 Yeah, but this is excessive. 00:18:28.429 --> 00:18:29.250 Yeah Well, and it's not. 00:18:29.250 --> 00:18:31.596 It wasn't just normal 40, 50 hours a week. 00:18:31.675 --> 00:18:33.990 It was like, no and like for those. 00:18:33.990 --> 00:18:44.055 If you might be out there and you were like married to a workaholic or you are dating a workaholic, it's not to say that that can't change. 00:18:44.435 --> 00:18:45.538 No, it's because it sure can. 00:18:45.944 --> 00:18:49.471 You changed and you know where. 00:18:49.471 --> 00:18:52.738 We had a newborn baby and a colicky newborn baby. 00:18:52.738 --> 00:19:01.886 So if anyone of you has had a colicky baby, it's exhausting in all of like postpartum everything. 00:19:01.886 --> 00:19:09.805 Everything is just exhausting, and so to be to feel like I am on my own, yeah. 00:19:10.286 --> 00:19:10.467 Yeah. 00:19:10.728 --> 00:19:19.258 With this and you're gone and under the impression that you're financially providing, which you were, but I'm also not choosing a relationship. 00:19:19.258 --> 00:19:20.107 You're not. 00:19:20.107 --> 00:19:22.835 You're not prioritizing, yeah Right. 00:19:22.835 --> 00:19:30.193 And so there's this tug of war that happens of like, yes, I know you need to provide, but then there's still the balance of being at home. 00:19:30.375 --> 00:19:30.655 I will. 00:19:30.655 --> 00:19:48.309 I will say this is that I think what we've learned over the last few years and this is part of a book I read I wish I could, it was, I think it was an atomic habits by James Clear, but said the, and he was talking all about discipline and I don't know. 00:19:48.309 --> 00:19:49.875 He was doing a podcast with someone. 00:19:49.875 --> 00:19:52.765 He said the work life balance is a myth. 00:19:52.765 --> 00:19:59.941 He said, realistically, if you look at your life, I spend more hours per week with the people I work with, because eight hours that's what our culture does. 00:19:59.941 --> 00:20:02.131 We work for eight hours, nine hours, 10 hours a day. 00:20:02.131 --> 00:20:04.140 I spend more time with my my end. 00:20:04.140 --> 00:20:11.895 So if I was to try and balance that out, especially when they're young and the kids go to bed seven, I have to be able to work at every day at 12 to spend the equal amount of time and and. 00:20:11.895 --> 00:20:23.756 But where we get into trouble is when we choose work and that's our number one priority over our family, and I can't stress this enough only because I've been through this is that there is no job. 00:20:23.756 --> 00:20:31.483 Maybe there's jobs, but there can't be a normal person job like I'm a normal person, like I'm not a diplomat, I'm not a politician. 00:20:31.483 --> 00:20:38.196 I don't know what their hours are like, but I'm just saying that if you're working on, there's no job out there that's worth sacrificing your family for. 00:20:38.196 --> 00:20:48.038 I would say that even for politicians and diplomats and family like oh, but I'm saying that there's no job out there that's worth working so much that you don't know your wife, you don't know your children. 00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:51.810 I remember I cried at a pride at with my boss I don't think I ever told you this. 00:20:51.810 --> 00:21:06.579 I was with Chris, he was my boss in in Red Deer and Rainan had been born and I had gone back to work and I hadn't seen him for like two and a half weeks because essentially I would come home Uh, I would, you'd be already in bed, he'd are be in bed. 00:21:06.579 --> 00:21:10.746 It was like nine or 10 and I'd leave the next morning at like six, 30 or seven to go to work. 00:21:10.746 --> 00:21:16.080 And I remember sitting in his office and if you don't give me time off and I'm crying I was crying in his office If you don't give me time off, I'll quit right here. 00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:19.084 And they said I need to have some time off so I can go see my son. 00:21:19.255 --> 00:21:41.400 I haven't seen my son and and like they was like at that point, like 17 days, like it may be little bits and pieces and so there's no job that's worth sacrificing your family, but I can say that now, however, we dealt with that and hours got better and then I ended up working as a job, as a pastor, and I remember you telling me uh, I don't know, it was like year three you love your job. 00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:48.240 Then you love being a pastor of the church more than you love your family, and that just about gutted me. 00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:54.544 But it also forced me to make some drastic changes in how we approached our family. 00:21:54.964 --> 00:21:55.105 Yep. 00:21:55.415 --> 00:21:56.080 And those things. 00:21:56.080 --> 00:21:59.662 I was working not because my pastor was saying I need you to pull the hours into it Not at all. 00:22:00.115 --> 00:22:02.808 As a matter of fact, he he may. 00:22:02.888 --> 00:22:09.939 he was like you have to connive around my back with my wife to get me to take time off of making sure that you take your time off, but you know it's. 00:22:10.080 --> 00:22:23.224 it's a type of when you're in ministry and anyone who might be in ministry knows that I mean you're pulled in 47 different directions and people don't understand that. 00:22:23.224 --> 00:22:33.167 You're like, well, you should be at my back and call when I'm having an emergency and and there are times where, yes, it's like call back in business hours- right. 00:22:33.167 --> 00:22:37.586 Because we do have a family at the end of the day that we go to and they are the priority. 00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:44.643 I I want to write a book for young leaders one day, like in the next few years probably, I really I've thought about this a lot. 00:22:44.643 --> 00:22:47.741 One of my chapters is going to be all about other people. 00:22:47.741 --> 00:22:49.807 Don't know what your time is like, that's right. 00:22:49.807 --> 00:22:51.923 And they just assume that everything you do is for them. 00:22:51.923 --> 00:22:54.082 So the work life balance is a really tough one. 00:22:54.082 --> 00:22:59.047 The next one is there's a couple that I follow on Instagram that does little skits. 00:22:59.047 --> 00:23:02.041 She's an introvert or an extrovert and he's an introvert. 00:23:03.144 --> 00:23:10.895 I'm an extrovert, I'm an introvert and Natalie's an introvert and we have learned now, after this many years together, what works and what doesn't. 00:23:10.895 --> 00:23:16.561 When she says she's done, it's not because she's trying to get out of anything, it's because she's finished and she's hit her limit. 00:23:16.561 --> 00:23:22.464 And she'll tell me, usually before I said uh, brian, this will probably be the last one that I can do this week, like I'm tired, I'm done, I'm finished. 00:23:22.464 --> 00:23:26.930 And then sometimes she plans things and does it to herself. 00:23:27.009 --> 00:23:28.494 That's right, and then I regret it. 00:23:28.777 --> 00:23:29.078 And then I. 00:23:29.078 --> 00:23:30.651 And then there's sometimes I'm also I'm. 00:23:30.651 --> 00:23:32.555 I'm kind of a in between, an extrovert, introvert. 00:23:32.555 --> 00:23:38.895 I think in my older age I'm more of an ambivert, where I can be either or and that way. 00:23:38.895 --> 00:23:46.122 But this can be really hard on couples that want to have a social life, one that, one that does, and one that's just like chilling out at home. 00:23:46.242 --> 00:23:47.886 That's right, natalie's a home, yeah. 00:23:48.236 --> 00:23:55.575 So me and my one son, ezra, my middle son, we and my daughter actually embers, we're all like let's go be where there's people. 00:23:55.575 --> 00:23:57.008 The bigger the crowd, the better. 00:23:57.008 --> 00:23:57.654 The more energy the better. 00:23:57.654 --> 00:24:04.532 And me, well, my oldest son and my wife are exhausted being with the three of us because we're having the time of her life when there's like a hundred people around. 00:24:04.553 --> 00:24:06.619 Exactly, and you know there's. 00:24:06.619 --> 00:24:11.074 There's a thing about communicating your, your uh capacity. 00:24:11.983 --> 00:24:20.394 Well, right, and these things will cause a lot of tension, especially when you're you're you're young married, then you have your young with young children. 00:24:20.394 --> 00:24:25.194 And if you don't realize that when you have a child, your life changes, yes, it does. 00:24:25.214 --> 00:24:27.269 And when, when you're young and you're married man. 00:24:27.269 --> 00:24:28.055 You could do so much stuff together. 00:24:28.055 --> 00:24:31.165 You can just leave the house, you can go to whatever restaurant you want, you could take off for a weekend. 00:24:31.165 --> 00:24:33.954 It's all good when you have kids, that makes a little bit more challenging. 00:24:33.954 --> 00:24:39.310 And the one that needs to be around people, maybe like starving to be with people. 00:24:39.310 --> 00:24:45.894 And then the one who, like at the beginning of COVID Natalie, was like this is the greatest thing ever I get to stay at home, I love this. 00:24:45.894 --> 00:24:47.729 And I was like I'm dying. 00:24:47.729 --> 00:24:48.050 Oh, it was. 00:24:51.444 --> 00:24:52.308 On on a lot. 00:24:52.308 --> 00:24:53.773 On an emotional level it was just wonderful. 00:24:53.773 --> 00:24:57.875 A forced relaxation, relaxing. 00:24:57.875 --> 00:25:03.114 Well, it wasn't relaxing, but it was like forced downtime. 00:25:03.114 --> 00:25:08.019 Yeah, right it was forced downtime, but then you realize because you're you're an adult and you're healthy. 00:25:08.121 --> 00:25:09.669 You're like we can't do this forever. 00:25:09.669 --> 00:25:10.557 No, no, this. 00:25:10.557 --> 00:25:11.965 This gets rid of old quick. 00:25:13.195 --> 00:25:14.642 And so so that's the the social life. 00:25:16.096 --> 00:25:19.095 You just got to be careful how you two communicate with each other about that. 00:25:19.095 --> 00:25:21.169 Like every one of these things that we'll get to that at the end. 00:25:21.169 --> 00:25:24.438 I want to talk about that at the end, but here's the the very the last time that we are. 00:25:24.438 --> 00:25:27.053 The second last one we want to talk about is behavioral changes. 00:25:27.053 --> 00:25:28.479 This one's interesting. 00:25:28.479 --> 00:25:30.315 You want to kind of break. 00:25:30.315 --> 00:25:32.784 Well, I just when we were talking about this, just thought of you know. 00:25:34.775 --> 00:25:42.172 Jacqueline Hyde was the visual that came to my mind in regards to behavioral changes. 00:25:42.375 --> 00:25:43.535 So we had an expectation. 00:25:43.535 --> 00:25:57.688 Um, I had an expectation in our dating years and in our marriage based on based on evidence and facts that you and I had actually talked about goals, plans that we had made for how this was going to roll out. 00:25:57.688 --> 00:26:01.046 And then the reality of marriage hit and it was nothing like we had set out. 00:26:01.046 --> 00:26:05.694 It was just like that didn't matter anymore. 00:26:05.694 --> 00:26:07.603 And it was. 00:26:07.603 --> 00:26:09.490 You know I, you pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. 00:26:09.490 --> 00:26:10.335 All right, we've got to go. 00:26:10.335 --> 00:26:12.401 You know I, you pulled a Jekyll and Hyde. 00:26:13.837 --> 00:26:16.140 We talked about this before, and it and it was um. 00:26:16.140 --> 00:26:17.463 You were like a chameleon. 00:26:17.463 --> 00:26:28.384 I felt really betrayed and I felt, um, like the rug had been ripped out from under me and we did not align Our reality, didn't align with with the expectation. 00:26:28.403 --> 00:26:28.845 That's true. 00:26:30.154 --> 00:26:34.917 Which can cause a lot of unease, Can cause a lot of doubt, Can cause a lot of okay. 00:26:34.917 --> 00:26:35.559 Well, now I'm. 00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:36.943 What did I do? 00:26:36.943 --> 00:26:39.280 Like I made the biggest mistake. 00:26:39.375 --> 00:26:40.760 That's really what it felt like. 00:26:40.760 --> 00:26:46.635 Well and like, even even to that effect too, like I don't know, it's still like this. 00:26:46.635 --> 00:26:56.819 Now, when young couples get married, everyone and their dog is telling them like, oh, lower your expectations in this area, and oftentimes, especially when it's couples that we know that, of course, I've never had sex before. 00:26:56.819 --> 00:26:59.079 It's always about while living together. 00:26:59.079 --> 00:27:03.963 That's going to be new bathroom experiences, showers, um, and sex. 00:27:03.963 --> 00:27:06.212 Right, like, sex is always the big one, yeah. 00:27:06.474 --> 00:27:08.902 What happens, though, if there is like a health crisis? 00:27:09.201 --> 00:27:09.363 Yeah. 00:27:09.703 --> 00:27:10.605 And something happens. 00:27:10.645 --> 00:27:10.826 Yeah. 00:27:11.075 --> 00:27:11.998 You, just you can. 00:27:11.998 --> 00:27:26.599 You can plan on paper, but then you know your expectation of we're we're going to grow old together, we're going to be healthy and we're going to be doing all of these things and then, and then boom out of the blue which we know a few couples Health crisis happens right, and the expectation then you're. 00:27:26.599 --> 00:27:27.923 You're at that crossroads. 00:27:28.095 --> 00:27:33.240 And I will as a point of encouragement to any men that are listening to this I was an extreme case. 00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:36.304 I literally like when she says Jack along hide, she's not kidding. 00:27:36.304 --> 00:27:41.708 Before we were married, I was like the, the model boyfriend, model fiance. 00:27:42.461 --> 00:27:43.874 With all the dumb cliches too. 00:27:43.874 --> 00:27:46.722 Yeah, I sing her songs and write me poetry. 00:27:48.396 --> 00:27:55.465 And then I was not prepared for marriage and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I turned into to hide real quick. 00:27:55.465 --> 00:28:01.599 Wait, no, jekyll, the other guy, the bad one, jekyll I don't know Whichever, but I just turned. 00:28:01.842 --> 00:28:07.904 I turned into something else that was not at all like I had I had expected, but also how she had expected. 00:28:07.904 --> 00:28:13.325 But I will tell you in all of that, as a point of encouragement, that you can come out of that. 00:28:13.325 --> 00:28:18.721 You can change, life can change, you can get better, you can have a good relationship, you can have a good marriage. 00:28:18.721 --> 00:28:21.483 It just takes a lot of work and a lot of intentionality. 00:28:21.796 --> 00:28:28.510 Well, and a lot of self reflection, like you can't get help if you don't think there's a problem. 00:28:28.692 --> 00:28:28.833 Yeah. 00:28:28.853 --> 00:28:40.208 Right, and so if you're in a situation where you're you know you or your partners is suffering from like severe behavioral changes, reach out, get counseling. 00:28:40.387 --> 00:28:41.961 Yeah, get counseling, get help. 00:28:42.316 --> 00:28:46.095 I wish that we would have done that way earlier than we did. 00:28:46.095 --> 00:28:51.978 We are huge advocates for what is that Like? 00:28:51.978 --> 00:28:53.282 Extra help. 00:28:53.564 --> 00:28:55.480 Yeah, counseling I just thank you. 00:28:55.480 --> 00:28:56.635 Wow, you're. 00:28:56.635 --> 00:28:58.603 The words are not your strong suit today. 00:28:59.974 --> 00:29:02.864 Right, um, because they will help you navigate the new dynamics. 00:29:02.984 --> 00:29:14.517 Right the thing is to is that you, what happens sometimes if a couple is struggling in their relationship, especially over the course of years, and they don't really communicate. 00:29:14.517 --> 00:29:18.727 And then one day, you, you hear that you've seen it in movies, oh, they've changed. 00:29:18.727 --> 00:29:23.424 Yeah Well, if you were walking with them, you would have. 00:29:23.424 --> 00:29:27.522 You would have seen that change and worked with that change with them. 00:29:27.604 --> 00:29:34.263 And you would have grown together, the way that you look at someone else across the table when you're eating dinner and saying, man, you've changed, I don't know you anymore. 00:29:34.263 --> 00:29:38.715 It's because you weren't trying to communicate your way through it, or you just didn't know how, right, what. 00:29:38.715 --> 00:29:44.898 And so, all of a sudden, there can be, you can genuinely have different values and different. 00:29:44.898 --> 00:30:04.163 The way you view things is different the way all because you didn't communicate, you didn't come, you didn't talk about your expectations and you literally just lived in the same house for years and years, still being friends and still doing things and still having a maybe a good relationship, but you didn't know what was going on, so much so that you, you looked across one day. 00:30:04.202 --> 00:30:17.270 The kids are gone, like we, we didn't talk about this all, and Natalie can't talk about our kids leaving without getting a little teary-eyed, and but we're also thinking, like we hear this all the time they, they, the kids, leave, and now the husband and wife are like, well, who are you? 00:30:17.270 --> 00:30:18.939 Yeah, and we have. 00:30:18.939 --> 00:30:20.708 We really don't want that for each other. 00:30:20.708 --> 00:30:24.731 So that I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to a strong word. 00:30:24.731 --> 00:30:39.821 I don't want them to be gone, because I love my kids and I want to provide them every opportunity to succeed in the town that we're in, but when they're gone, I want to be able to be like Nat hey, let's just pack up and go away for two days and and be like let's be spontaneous, because we know each other well enough. 00:30:39.843 --> 00:30:46.871 I'm like I know where I'm going to take her and not look at her and be like, well, I'm going to hang out with the boys because I don't know who you are anymore, Right. 00:30:46.912 --> 00:30:47.295 Exactly. 00:30:47.476 --> 00:30:48.299 And so you're. 00:30:48.299 --> 00:30:58.886 You will change, but if you're working together in the relationship, you will change together and grow with each other and build with each other and and mature together, and that's exactly what you want. 00:31:00.336 --> 00:31:06.015 And that was one of the things that we've talked about with our kids of like. 00:31:06.015 --> 00:31:21.755 We want to set you up to be, like I don't know model citizens, functioning citizens, contributing citizens, all the while cultivating our marriage right, because that is, first and foremost. 00:31:22.458 --> 00:31:23.462 Right, Absolutely. 00:31:23.462 --> 00:31:39.266 And the last thing in before we we close this down is just sometimes affection or emotional support or and you know what it's okay to say to your spouse spouse, I got 50% of me today. 00:31:40.434 --> 00:31:42.460 That's fair, right, and it's you know? 00:31:43.082 --> 00:31:51.237 um, yes, the effort you're putting in is a hundred percent and a hundred percent If you want to make it work over the the long haul. 00:31:51.237 --> 00:32:00.625 But there's times where you know work was awful, or you know you've got some bad news or whatnot, and you're just not at your optimal. 00:32:00.625 --> 00:32:03.864 And it's okay to not be at your optimal. 00:32:03.864 --> 00:32:06.442 Yeah, I think that's where we shoulder each other. 00:32:06.442 --> 00:32:11.144 Um, where, where, if I'm generally speaking, it's worked out this way for us. 00:32:11.144 --> 00:32:21.269 Where, if I'm not a hundred percent and I'm like 30%, your 70% right, and so we balance each other out. 00:32:21.555 --> 00:32:42.633 Yeah, absolutely, and it's a back and forth and and I think the expectation that someone else is giving 100, like they're at a hundred percent all the time, is unrealistic, especially when you you have children and you both are working and you both have maybe higher stress jobs or you're like finances may not be great or relationships with your in-laws may not be like. 00:32:42.633 --> 00:32:44.823 Whatever your situation may be, it's. 00:32:44.823 --> 00:32:50.045 It's unrealistic for me to assume that every single day, natalie's going to be at a hundred percent. 00:32:50.125 --> 00:32:50.326 Right. 00:32:50.728 --> 00:33:00.362 Right, and and if I have that expectation on her and she didn't know about it and now I'm disappointed because I didn't communicate that with her and she couldn't even say hey, well, that's not, how can I do that? 00:33:00.623 --> 00:33:07.376 Right and we're mismatched because you have an expectation of of what your needs are and how I'm able to provide. 00:33:07.497 --> 00:33:08.239 Yeah, yeah. 00:33:08.420 --> 00:33:20.522 And then I can't offer that, or I'm I like, I just I don't have the capacity to do that, or or I'm upset about something and I'm unwilling to do that. 00:33:20.522 --> 00:33:24.057 It just creates again another tug of war of feelings and emotions. 00:33:24.979 --> 00:33:26.644 We're just ripping each other back and forth, right. 00:33:26.703 --> 00:33:36.579 Like you know, you might want to or I might want to, crave, you know, deep conversation and you were like I just can't right now. 00:33:36.780 --> 00:33:37.301 I got nothing. 00:33:37.301 --> 00:33:44.386 And there's been times where Natalie is talking to me about the day and I and I just had come home. 00:33:44.386 --> 00:33:51.443 I'm sitting on the couch with the kids, they're all talking to me and I said, Whoa, everyone, I just need 15 minutes, Give me, give me some time. 00:33:51.443 --> 00:33:56.943 Or sometimes my, my way is not nearly that gentle and I'm just like everyone. 00:33:56.943 --> 00:33:57.586 Just stop talking. 00:33:57.586 --> 00:34:00.083 I'm going to go to the bedroom and just lay down because I'm tired. 00:34:00.303 --> 00:34:00.503 Yeah. 00:34:00.615 --> 00:34:01.336 Give me 20 minutes. 00:34:01.336 --> 00:34:07.042 And I barked instead of just said, hey, I just need a break, like I just need a few minutes just to recharge and I'm going to come out. 00:34:07.042 --> 00:34:07.605 We're going to do this. 00:34:08.175 --> 00:34:13.860 Right and and again right, Like there's grace in the moment, but it boils down to like communicating. 00:34:13.860 --> 00:34:40.222 Hey, it's not that I don't want to have meaningful conversation or whatever, but I, you know, I just had to let someone go today or whatever, or someone died, or there could be a multitude, you know, fill in the blanks of reasons why, which is drains on our emotional ability and and yes, we don't want to stay in that place, but there, there, there has to be communication of like a recharge time. 00:34:40.855 --> 00:34:46.358 Right and and I like how we've titled each one of these things is the silent strain. 00:34:46.358 --> 00:34:53.603 There's a silent strain that comes and I think, even after we've talked about our own through each one of these things. 00:34:53.603 --> 00:34:56.177 They're the one thing that we didn't do. 00:34:56.177 --> 00:35:12.663 And then the one thing that we encourage whenever we coach couples, whenever we're doing pre marriage with couples, the one thing that we encourage to do is to communicate clearly, communicate what the expectation is, if it can be met, meet the expectation if possible, and now that it's been voiced, you can actually work through those things together. 00:35:12.755 --> 00:35:13.197 That's right. 00:35:13.197 --> 00:35:14.985 It's not just like voicing at once. 00:35:14.985 --> 00:35:26.014 This is like in all of these things we talked about tonight, these are like ongoing conversations because as you grow together and as, as your seasons changing, your kids grow up. 00:35:26.014 --> 00:35:31.327 Or you have kids or or maybe you don't have kids and you get for babies instead. 00:35:31.327 --> 00:35:39.085 Right, there's always going to be opportunity for you to communicate, and it's not just what we communicated once and that should be good. 00:35:41.782 --> 00:35:44.173 No, it's like it's like I said I love you once when we got married. 00:35:44.173 --> 00:35:45.358 You know that I feel that way. 00:35:45.438 --> 00:35:48.958 Well, no, if it changes, I'll tell you Silliness, that's right. 00:35:49.300 --> 00:35:51.311 And I would say this with with all of our team. 00:35:51.311 --> 00:35:52.398 I said leaders are repeaters. 00:35:52.398 --> 00:35:58.536 If I want to lead my house, nally one, and I want to lead our children, we're going to repeat hey, I love you, this is a discipline in our house. 00:35:58.536 --> 00:35:59.619 This is a good, this is a bad. 00:35:59.619 --> 00:36:01.998 We're going to repeat it over and over and even to each other. 00:36:01.998 --> 00:36:06.420 We're going to repeat certain things because we want them us to, and not in a nagging way. 00:36:06.420 --> 00:36:07.463 That's a whole nother podcast. 00:36:07.463 --> 00:36:08.255 Let's not talk about that. 00:36:08.255 --> 00:36:16.864 But I think the just as we close I know this is a bit of a longer one- it had to be, though, because it's a big topic. 00:36:16.945 --> 00:36:17.786 And this is even just. 00:36:17.786 --> 00:36:38.536 I feel like we just scratching the surface of some of the stories that we heard from from people and some of the things that we've been through in our own relationship, even even what I just said a few minutes ago the if you can communicate with your spouse, if you can take something that has become your normal. 00:36:39.157 --> 00:36:49.896 That should have been the exception, right, and you are actually experiencing like your actions tension and there's tension in the relationship and you believe one thing and she believes another, or he believes another. 00:36:49.896 --> 00:36:55.139 However, you and then you're you have to work towards it, and then your actions are saying something different. 00:36:55.139 --> 00:37:02.378 Hey, like you, you can communicate and you can work your way through these types of this type of tension, this mental strain the way that we said that they are. 00:37:02.378 --> 00:37:05.938 You can work through this and actually be successful Like you can be like. 00:37:05.998 --> 00:37:07.862 what do you call a true hold, please? 00:37:08.304 --> 00:37:14.318 Let's talk about this, plant that in the ground and just be like, hey, we're gonna do something a little bit different, right? 00:37:14.981 --> 00:37:15.382 That's right. 00:37:15.402 --> 00:37:15.782 You with me. 00:37:15.782 --> 00:37:17.286 Oh yeah, you still love me. 00:37:18.500 --> 00:37:19.396 Yes, yeah. 00:37:20.097 --> 00:37:21.199 Notice that she paused there. 00:37:21.199 --> 00:37:29.061 Everyone, if you have really been enjoying a while the last few episodes, but just this podcast and journal, it really, really does mean a lot to us. 00:37:29.061 --> 00:37:31.759 When you won, you can go onto our website, you can leave a review. 00:37:31.759 --> 00:37:46.423 You can also go onto the website and you can follow us on Instagram, you can follow us on Facebook and, if you have and share it with everyone that you know, if you have a topic or question or something that you like us discuss, please just email us at amplifiedmarriagecom. 00:37:46.423 --> 00:37:55.764 We love hearing from you and, as you have heard us say many times before, we believe that marriage can be reset, refreshed, be charged and restored. 00:37:55.905 --> 00:37:57.356 Thanks so much for listening Talk to you soon.