WEBVTT 00:00:01.330 --> 00:00:04.530 What do you remember of your Christmases when you were a child? 00:00:05.669 --> 00:00:10.820 Is it all the fancy gifts, and you made a list for your Santa parents? 00:00:11.970 --> 00:00:13.849 And you got everything on that list? 00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:18.929 Or, do you remember the times that you had a special occasion at Christmas? 00:00:18.929 --> 00:00:20.640 You had something special happen at Christmas. 00:00:20.660 --> 00:00:21.820 It was family time. 00:00:22.320 --> 00:00:23.989 You did carols, if you liked carols. 00:00:23.989 --> 00:00:26.750 You ate fruitcake, if that was your jam with your family. 00:00:26.750 --> 00:00:28.920 You had all those memories. 00:00:28.929 --> 00:00:29.929 What do you remember? 00:00:30.379 --> 00:00:36.030 There's a cultural pressure right now that we are feeling currently. 00:00:37.060 --> 00:00:43.240 I was doing some research and this year in 2023 they're expecting a 1. 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:50.945 3 trillion dollar worldwide retail Consumer amount of money being purchased over Christmas. 00:00:51.554 --> 00:01:04.625 There is a reason for the season, and it isn't the gifts, not that gifts are bad, but we have to look at our family, and today we want to talk about finances and having small children, finances and being married, and what that looks like. 00:01:05.105 --> 00:01:12.674 Because when you're not having the amount of resources you would love to have, Christmas is something that can be quite daunting. 00:01:32.060 --> 00:01:34.260 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 00:01:34.299 --> 00:01:37.450 I'm Natalie and I'm Brian, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. 00:01:37.459 --> 00:01:42.239 As you hear us say, always grab a tea, grab a coffee, a snack, get cozy and comfy. 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:44.019 We're so glad you're here to have our chat 00:01:44.019 --> 00:01:44.349 today. 00:01:44.680 --> 00:01:51.909 And just for your listening pleasure, if you happen to miss the last well, two weeks ago, we did an episode kind of wrapped. 00:01:52.015 --> 00:01:53.614 up the silent strain. 00:01:53.614 --> 00:01:55.564 We did tension, fear, and a couple others. 00:01:55.855 --> 00:02:02.715 This last one was all about just the misconceptions about those relationships, misconceptions about tension in marriage. 00:02:02.715 --> 00:02:06.405 And so if you get a chance, it'd be great if you go back and listen to that. 00:02:08.514 --> 00:02:13.634 Today we're talking about, I don't know what topic that's, I guess, near and dear. 00:02:14.395 --> 00:02:23.754 To our hearts we've titled this, and perhaps this will be a Christmas series because we're, you know, we've got three episodes before the new year. 00:02:23.784 --> 00:02:24.155 This is a 00:02:24.155 --> 00:02:24.824 working title. 00:02:24.824 --> 00:02:30.414 This is not like the final, you know, don't, don't give the title because I don't want people to be like, Oh, that's the, they didn't use that one. 00:02:30.794 --> 00:02:31.275 That's right. 00:02:31.314 --> 00:02:41.085 But you know, for us, when we had littler kids and I mean, we've got, you know, well, one adult and two teenagers. 00:02:43.104 --> 00:02:59.344 Back when we, when they were younger, yeah, we just struggled incredibly with finances and especially around Christmas time and, you know, generally we struggled our kids are like, we were poor, 00:03:01.514 --> 00:03:03.055 They think when they can't get Pepsi that 00:03:03.055 --> 00:03:03.534 we're poor. 00:03:03.675 --> 00:03:07.514 And if we're, you know, defining poverty by how much. 00:03:08.375 --> 00:03:09.004 Christmas gifts. 00:03:09.004 --> 00:03:11.604 I mean, you have and how much Christmas, then yeah, we were dirt poor. 00:03:12.645 --> 00:03:12.805 Wow. 00:03:13.175 --> 00:03:30.305 And it just, it got us talking about what are some of the struggles with this season coming in and that was just the first thing that popped to my mind was the pressure to provide a Hallmark Christmas movie Christmas for your children. 00:03:30.324 --> 00:03:34.384 And what does that look like when you physically count? 00:03:34.485 --> 00:03:34.974 Well, 00:03:36.615 --> 00:03:37.485 I think that. 00:03:39.020 --> 00:04:02.004 Like, I have a, I have really strong opinions about Christmas and I think partially because we've had to live it with our own kids, but also this attitude that like, even when I said before, the, the way we look at Christmas without with the way that we, that, that nor the culture is telling us you have to do this. 00:04:02.004 --> 00:04:04.974 You have to have make a list is very commercialized. 00:04:04.974 --> 00:04:06.745 You have to put, make the gifts that you want. 00:04:07.034 --> 00:04:08.985 We believe in our house and we do this. 00:04:09.004 --> 00:04:10.074 It's all about family. 00:04:10.145 --> 00:04:10.884 It's all about you. 00:04:10.884 --> 00:04:18.095 We're not going to get the kids know that if they give us a list of 10 or 12 things they really want, they're going to get a couple, they're not getting the whole thing. 00:04:18.365 --> 00:04:26.995 That's been the way it has been in our house because we don't want our kids to think that well every Christmas they're going to get everything they want because as our kids, you know, anyone that has kids that's listening to this. 00:04:27.824 --> 00:05:10.029 This is you're gonna realize that as your kids get older their tastes get more expensive If I ask my 18 year old what he wants for Christmas He's telling me some kind of PC part that way that that costs like 400 Yeah, my other son is a musician and if I ask him what he wants for Christmas, it's some kind of 400 MIDI keyboard or plug in thing for his guitar like that it changes and so there's just so heavy undue pressure Unneeded pressure on parents to provide what you said earlier, which is a really good way to put it a hallmark Christmas, a hallmark Christmas that really, ultimately, in my opinion, and I would say just to take the pressure off yourself, in my opinion, it is unnecessary 00:05:11.050 --> 00:05:39.954 and you know, When I was just sharing this with Brian earlier, but back when our kids were little, we didn't have YouTube and Instagram and all these, you know, you tick talk if you're into that, which we're not people sort of like influencing, you know, Some of the videos that have come across my newsfeed have been like look at all the things We're buying our kids for Christmas, and I was like well isn't that kind of fascinating? 00:05:41.764 --> 00:05:50.785 Because it does one of two things and yes, you know if you have the ability to provide a Miraculous Christmas for your kids all the power to you. 00:05:50.875 --> 00:05:52.805 Yeah, and this isn't this isn't a 00:05:52.915 --> 00:05:53.954 I yuck your yum Cuz 00:05:54.194 --> 00:05:54.654 you can do that. 00:05:54.694 --> 00:06:04.285 No that not at all but a lot of people can't provide that for their kids and so yes, they can choose not to watch your video. 00:06:04.375 --> 00:06:05.355 That is very true. 00:06:05.415 --> 00:06:05.654 Yeah. 00:06:05.925 --> 00:06:15.675 So we're speaking from non socialized or like we didn't have the social influences that we have today when our kids were little. 00:06:16.125 --> 00:06:17.555 So you know, we. 00:06:18.545 --> 00:06:39.435 And we beat ourselves up and the guilt was just as fierce, and the shame was just as fierce back when we didn't have YouTube and all of these platforms the intensity of the feeling of not being able to provide Christmas as, as what you imagine Christmas is supposed to be. 00:06:39.564 --> 00:06:44.324 And yes, we know Jesus is the reason for the season, but there's an element of blessing. 00:06:45.435 --> 00:06:49.504 Be and being a blessing to others and to our children and that we just could not provide 00:06:49.504 --> 00:07:17.425 also just a reality of Of what we're inundated every single day with when it comes to christmas Like you go on to what you said what you go on to instagram you watch any commercials and we don't have cable anywhere But you watch anything anywhere at this time of season Everything is pushing you to buy buy buy and get that perfect gift or get the diamonds for your like here We're talking about the strain When you have little children, there's a strain, even when you're just early married to buy the perfect gift and it has to be expensive. 00:07:17.425 --> 00:07:26.365 And yes, unless you've had those conversations, that can be a tough conversation to have in general about finances when it comes to Christmas time. 00:07:26.384 --> 00:07:30.675 Because like, it's interesting because as an adult, when I need something, I go and buy it. 00:07:30.925 --> 00:07:31.384 Right. 00:07:32.264 --> 00:07:40.774 And at Christmas time, the things that I want, well now, yeah, now because we have the finances, but there's, there's things that like, if I'm looking, I really need to replace my earbuds. 00:07:41.274 --> 00:07:45.774 It's not like an end of world thing if I don't get it right now, right? 00:07:45.774 --> 00:07:52.935 Like it's but as an adult I'm gonna wait until it's feasible and then I'm gonna go out and do it Right, which is generally if it's on sale. 00:07:52.954 --> 00:07:56.714 Yeah, and and if it's one of those things that like but that's just that's it That's a luxury. 00:07:56.714 --> 00:07:57.564 That's not a necessity. 00:07:57.564 --> 00:07:58.894 That's just a luxury exactly when 00:07:58.894 --> 00:08:02.524 our kids were little we went without Oh, yeah. 00:08:02.595 --> 00:08:03.795 So they did not. 00:08:03.795 --> 00:08:07.644 And so, you know, painting a picture what that looks like. 00:08:07.935 --> 00:08:14.245 Our kids needed boots or our kids needed clothes or our kids needed snow suits and winter clothes. 00:08:14.245 --> 00:08:17.194 We lived in a northern climate, which snowed all the time. 00:08:17.694 --> 00:08:18.564 It was cold. 00:08:18.845 --> 00:08:26.464 And so we were duct taping our boots because our kids needed, they, they got before we got. 00:08:26.535 --> 00:08:26.805 Yeah. 00:08:26.904 --> 00:08:29.295 And, and it wasn't because, you know, we weren't self caring. 00:08:29.295 --> 00:08:33.815 No, it was legitimately so that they didn't freeze to death, right? 00:08:33.815 --> 00:08:34.024 Like, 00:08:35.014 --> 00:08:36.004 yeah, we're in the north. 00:08:36.014 --> 00:08:37.085 They need to have warm clothing. 00:08:37.375 --> 00:08:43.605 Well, and then there's times I just remember where we'd eat less or I would go without a meal because we had groceries or two days away or we're 00:08:43.605 --> 00:08:48.514 eating macaroni and cheese and they're eating the last of the chicken and 00:08:48.514 --> 00:08:49.144 rice, right? 00:08:49.205 --> 00:08:58.049 Like Just like I remember like doubling up on like pairs of socks because one pair had a hole in them, but I needed not to have holes. 00:08:58.049 --> 00:09:00.549 I put another pair over top and I couldn't wear in the gear. 00:09:00.549 --> 00:09:02.990 Just I need to be extra warm as you do what you like. 00:09:02.990 --> 00:09:04.669 Just a little little things that you do. 00:09:05.889 --> 00:09:10.299 I remember always scavenging laces from other boots to fit the ones that I had. 00:09:10.580 --> 00:09:11.049 Exactly. 00:09:11.090 --> 00:09:11.340 And. 00:09:12.225 --> 00:09:22.434 Like you had a job and we still had rent to pay and we still had gas to put in the vehicle and and food to put in the fridge and this is like 16 years ago. 00:09:22.485 --> 00:09:24.404 It was way cheaper than it is now. 00:09:25.054 --> 00:09:31.245 And so like all of our rent and our bills and our hydro and our gas and all of that was paid. 00:09:31.429 --> 00:09:35.960 Which meant there was like no money left over for any extras. 00:09:36.309 --> 00:09:51.919 So when we're saying, you know, we were, we providing Christmas as far as the commercial side of Christmas and being able to buy our kids presents was really challenging because there wasn't extra money to do that. 00:09:51.960 --> 00:09:57.720 Well, I remember a time when we were early married and even early with kids that you're like, you can't get a coffee today. 00:09:57.889 --> 00:10:04.434 We have to have every That 2 will be the difference between us being able to pay off a bill and not being able to pay a bill. 00:10:04.615 --> 00:10:05.235 Exactly. 00:10:05.235 --> 00:10:11.125 Now, having said that and this is just a plugin for finding community. 00:10:11.195 --> 00:10:11.605 Yeah. 00:10:11.914 --> 00:10:18.115 At this time of the year, especially because we were plugged into a really great church and we had community. 00:10:18.154 --> 00:10:22.284 And that wasn't to say that we leached off the community by any stretch of the word. 00:10:22.625 --> 00:10:24.095 We went about doing what. 00:10:24.490 --> 00:10:28.139 What we'd always done and we were on a very strict budget. 00:10:28.149 --> 00:10:41.764 Yeah, and The Lord used that like the community that we were involved to bless us and and they did yeah, and so we never Even when it felt like, oh, we've got our last like 1. 00:10:41.764 --> 00:10:43.674 50 in the bank, Lord. 00:10:44.904 --> 00:10:51.375 Somehow, by his miraculous provision we'd get a gift card for a superstore. 00:10:51.644 --> 00:10:53.284 We'd get a gift card for Walmart. 00:10:53.325 --> 00:10:55.215 Or we had a gentleman in our church at the time. 00:10:55.215 --> 00:10:55.745 That wasn't 00:10:55.875 --> 00:10:56.684 just at Christmas. 00:10:56.684 --> 00:10:57.715 That was No, like that 00:10:57.715 --> 00:10:59.054 was throughout the year, right? 00:10:59.054 --> 00:11:03.345 But, you know, we really, I'll speak to me. 00:11:03.465 --> 00:11:09.294 I really felt the guilt and the pressure to not provide. 00:11:10.754 --> 00:11:12.095 CHristmas gifts for my kids. 00:11:12.115 --> 00:11:12.735 And so, 00:11:13.384 --> 00:11:21.485 and I, I, I didn't feel the Christmas gifts so much as just the overall pressure as the breadwinner of the house to be able to look after the house. 00:11:22.075 --> 00:11:22.615 Right. 00:11:22.674 --> 00:11:22.934 Right. 00:11:22.934 --> 00:11:29.375 And to be able to, as long as like our, and it was never like I was carrying that weight without you knowing about it. 00:11:29.934 --> 00:11:34.664 It's not like that's a surprise to you, but men carry that weight when you're the breadwinner of the home and that's your. 00:11:35.225 --> 00:11:36.184 And that's what you need to do. 00:11:36.184 --> 00:11:42.965 And it's not when Natalie's not where Natalie's worked a lot, like even when the kids were young, she always had a part time thing happening, cleaning, blah, blah, blah. 00:11:43.914 --> 00:11:48.365 But there's just this weight all the time that it's not just Christmas, whereas you're focused on Christmas. 00:11:48.404 --> 00:11:51.975 I'm thinking, Lord, I need to, I need to pay rent every single month. 00:11:52.004 --> 00:11:54.845 I need to make sure that they have clothes and shoes and school supplies. 00:11:54.855 --> 00:11:57.404 School supplies are embarrassingly expensive, right? 00:11:57.414 --> 00:12:03.585 Like I need, I needed uniforms when the kids were at the traditional school or we need to, they need teeth when the kids get older. 00:12:03.585 --> 00:12:09.274 Like all of these things that happen that I'm just constantly mulling about, like I want to be able to take them away on a vacation. 00:12:09.634 --> 00:12:10.505 Yeah, there was no vacation. 00:12:10.505 --> 00:12:11.565 There was no vacation. 00:12:11.575 --> 00:12:20.245 And like, We had people pass away in our family and we couldn't even afford unless someone helped us come down, which happened a few times because it was even embarrassing. 00:12:20.254 --> 00:12:20.544 Right. 00:12:20.565 --> 00:12:32.245 And, and that's the thing is that it, for us, it was less so for me, but still embarrassing when someone or my mom or my brother in law Jeremy would be like, Hey, I'm dude, I'm, I'm here to help. 00:12:32.245 --> 00:12:32.995 Like, what do you need? 00:12:32.995 --> 00:12:34.894 Like, and we had that kind of thing, right? 00:12:34.894 --> 00:12:37.095 Like it's embarrassing. 00:12:37.659 --> 00:12:52.960 But there's times that we couldn't do trips and come down and because someone passed away because we just didn't have the finances to be able to take it from Alberta all the way to BC, which in our van back then was still 200, 250 there and back just in fuel because it's a van, 00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:53.669 right? 00:12:53.830 --> 00:13:09.759 And, you know, it, it seemed as though every time we had, we, we got a little bit ahead, there was some catastrophe where like our van cost 3, 000 to fix, or all of a sudden we needed a new tire, and like we're speaking from experience, this legit happened. 00:13:09.830 --> 00:13:23.269 At one, at one point, I remember me and you just, and this was back when the van was still like relatively new ish, it was only four or five years, just thinking, what's the point of saving money if every time we get ahead, we have to blow it? 00:13:23.539 --> 00:13:25.480 It was on like what? 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:27.490 They're not stupid things like, 00:13:27.879 --> 00:13:31.870 well, things we don't want to have to, you know, repair the car. 00:13:32.379 --> 00:13:34.779 We'd like for that money to be used for something else. 00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:35.139 Yeah, 00:13:35.139 --> 00:13:35.690 like we want to. 00:13:35.690 --> 00:13:38.850 Yeah, we like, let's get all that we need for school or for food. 00:13:38.909 --> 00:13:43.950 And every time we had any kind of substantial amount of savings, it was always our vehicle for quite a few years. 00:13:43.950 --> 00:13:46.529 It was our vehicle that has burned us like it was so annoying. 00:13:46.970 --> 00:14:04.514 Yeah, but it was it was hard and it was humiliating to have to at one ask for help and to lay our pride down and I'm speaking to myself, lay my pride down to receive the help as in the food bank. 00:14:04.995 --> 00:14:08.195 And that was a hard one that I remember. 00:14:08.850 --> 00:14:09.950 That was a hard one to swallow. 00:14:09.950 --> 00:14:19.639 One year specifically when you or someone we knew had signed us up for a food bank because we would not sign ourselves up because it was so embarrassing. 00:14:20.179 --> 00:14:24.690 And it came time to like get it and I said to Brian, Brian's like, like, should we go? 00:14:24.690 --> 00:14:26.200 And I'm like, well, you can go. 00:14:26.570 --> 00:14:28.445 There's no way I'm going. 00:14:29.164 --> 00:14:30.855 I was just so embarrassed 00:14:30.865 --> 00:14:32.524 and And I, I went cause 00:14:32.575 --> 00:15:32.225 I understood it And you went and I was just, I remember like Oh, I'm getting emotional I just remember feeling so discouraged Because, like, in my mind, you've reached the bottom If, if we're at a food bank And I was like, Lord, like It was just the most humbling Yep I'm so grateful For the food bank, but there was a lot of emotions as you can still tell it, it put an into perspective how one blessed we were because of the generosity of others donating to the food bank so that they could be a blessing to us. 00:15:32.325 --> 00:15:32.914 And how 00:15:33.245 --> 00:15:35.894 helpful the food bank was to lots of people, 00:15:35.955 --> 00:15:39.625 the food bank, it was, and it wasn't, it wasn't a. 00:15:41.940 --> 00:16:13.700 No, but your mind plays tricks on you if you are in a position where you are needing that kind of help and it was one of those things where it was like I could, I could hold onto my pride and my children could go hungry or I could let go of the pride and just be like, you know what, this is, this isn't going to be forever and we will be in a position one day to be able to return the, the generosity. 00:16:14.059 --> 00:16:14.440 Right. 00:16:15.419 --> 00:16:27.840 So, oh, I say that to say if you find yourself in, in the similar situation, it's not always going to be that way. 00:16:28.730 --> 00:16:35.850 And I say for the ones who are in a position to be a blessing, what a great time of the year. 00:16:36.990 --> 00:16:47.570 yOu know, and we're in a position now where we can be that blessing and we can pay it back and we can pay it forward so that other people who might be feeling the weight. 00:16:48.585 --> 00:16:51.054 At this time of the year, maybe that will just ease it a 00:16:51.054 --> 00:16:51.475 little. 00:16:51.585 --> 00:16:52.815 Yeah, absolutely. 00:16:53.245 --> 00:17:01.294 It, I remember after I came back and you saw all the food that they were giving away and that wasn't even the only time there was another time. 00:17:01.585 --> 00:17:12.575 We'll get to that in a minute, but I remember us talking about it and then subsequent weeks after that, the following week or two and how it was in that moment that we realized that. 00:17:13.430 --> 00:17:23.720 aLmost this, this, we eat the pride, we push back on it and we're like, we're have to, we're going to have to ask for help and how that in the future made it for us so much. 00:17:23.730 --> 00:17:36.480 It's still hard to ask for help because you know, we're self sufficient people, we're independent, but it also paved the way for us to be able to look back and be like, Hey, people blessed us immensely and took care of things. 00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:37.430 I remember one year. 00:17:38.609 --> 00:17:40.220 I don't know who signed this up for this. 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:42.519 I suspected, but they would always deny it to my face. 00:17:43.589 --> 00:17:47.500 But the one year we get a knock on the door, I got a phone call myself, my work cell phone. 00:17:47.740 --> 00:18:01.819 And I'm like, hi, this is Brian because I worked sometimes I worked with drug addicts and sometimes I get phone calls at like eight o'clock at night and I get this phone call from someone, Hey, this is something from a camera, the name of the Canadian shoppers, no Canadian wholesale, Canadian wholesale. 00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:04.430 Every year someone puts a name in. 00:18:04.634 --> 00:18:11.944 I'd like people put names in multiple names, like probably a hundred names will go into this thing and Shoppers Wholesale will bless one or two families, right? 00:18:12.305 --> 00:18:14.525 And so I get this phone call saying, Hey, this is Canadian Wholesale. 00:18:14.525 --> 00:18:15.694 And I thought I had a wrong number. 00:18:15.694 --> 00:18:18.275 I'm like, and I laughed on the phone. 00:18:18.275 --> 00:18:19.224 He's like, yeah, this is Brian. 00:18:19.224 --> 00:18:23.525 He said, no, we don't know that you're coming and said, Hey, well, you redirected them to me. 00:18:23.565 --> 00:18:27.365 It was like, yeah, no, I think I was like, now, did you, did you sign up for anything? 00:18:27.365 --> 00:18:29.115 And you're like, no, I was like, okay, what's going on? 00:18:29.434 --> 00:18:31.815 So literally five minutes later, this truck pulls up. 00:18:31.815 --> 00:18:32.214 No, no, no. 00:18:33.484 --> 00:18:34.414 What do you, what do you mean, no, no, 00:18:34.414 --> 00:18:42.724 no, because this was on, we were expecting our daughter on a Tuesday and so they had phoned on like, Oh 00:18:42.724 --> 00:18:43.704 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 00:18:43.704 --> 00:18:44.265 pregnancy. 00:18:44.394 --> 00:18:44.855 Yeah. 00:18:44.865 --> 00:18:49.884 They had phoned and they said, Hey, it's, you know, we got your name and you, you, congratulations. 00:18:49.884 --> 00:18:50.315 You won. 00:18:50.325 --> 00:18:52.184 And myself was like, Oh, scam. 00:18:52.634 --> 00:18:52.875 It's a 00:18:52.875 --> 00:18:53.255 scam. 00:18:53.464 --> 00:18:53.795 Scam. 00:18:53.795 --> 00:18:54.194 That's what I mean. 00:18:54.204 --> 00:18:54.464 It's like, 00:18:54.464 --> 00:18:56.315 did you sign up for anything? 00:18:56.315 --> 00:18:57.724 Like, I'm going to tell you where I live. 00:18:57.755 --> 00:18:58.075 Yeah. 00:18:58.265 --> 00:18:58.644 Anyways. 00:18:58.644 --> 00:18:59.914 They're like, they laughed on the phone. 00:18:59.914 --> 00:19:03.529 They're like, I know it seems hokey pokey, but it's legit. 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:04.660 I'm pretty sure they didn't use hokey pokey. 00:19:04.670 --> 00:19:07.299 And so I was like, whatever, we'll see if you show up. 00:19:07.309 --> 00:19:09.589 So Monday, the day before our daughter was born. 00:19:10.404 --> 00:19:11.865 A what? 00:19:11.865 --> 00:19:13.585 It was a five ton cube 00:19:13.595 --> 00:19:15.295 van, but it was 00:19:15.295 --> 00:19:21.644 big, showed up and it was just like bag and boxes after boxes. 00:19:21.644 --> 00:19:21.845 They 00:19:21.904 --> 00:19:27.414 outfitted all of our kids with complete snowsuits, gloves, to scarves, jackets. 00:19:28.095 --> 00:19:31.275 Boots they gave us food to last us like two months. 00:19:31.275 --> 00:19:35.934 They gave us they gave us gifts the kids gifts of the unborn baby Gifts. 00:19:35.934 --> 00:19:38.224 Yeah, we had they gave us diapers 00:19:38.224 --> 00:19:45.325 and wipes which you know for those who are new parents that is blessing It's 00:19:45.325 --> 00:19:45.865 costly. 00:19:46.134 --> 00:19:46.384 Right. 00:19:46.615 --> 00:19:50.694 And so they, they gave us all this stuff and I just, I'm standing in there just in awe. 00:19:51.115 --> 00:19:52.154 Like what is happening? 00:19:52.154 --> 00:19:55.615 And Natalie is standing in the kitchen, just kind of like crying. 00:19:55.615 --> 00:19:57.755 You're crying in the kitchen while you're about to have a baby. 00:19:57.755 --> 00:19:58.845 So you're like, I'm done with this. 00:19:58.855 --> 00:19:59.984 I'm uber emotional. 00:19:59.984 --> 00:20:01.625 I need to have this child out of me now. 00:20:02.115 --> 00:20:04.115 And it was just an emotional time. 00:20:04.115 --> 00:20:08.565 And they literally walked in, said, Merry Christmas, be blessed and turn around and walked out. 00:20:08.565 --> 00:20:09.075 And that was it. 00:20:09.285 --> 00:20:10.835 Like there was no big fanfare. 00:20:11.424 --> 00:20:11.595 No. 00:20:11.595 --> 00:20:12.904 And they had wrapped everything. 00:20:12.904 --> 00:20:20.664 And so they had asked, so the people that we suspect knew our family very well and knew the kids interest. 00:20:20.714 --> 00:20:23.164 And so we didn't know what. 00:20:23.910 --> 00:20:45.099 They had because everything was wrapped in Christmas wrap and so again It was kind of like that that motion of like I can provide for my own family Yep Like I don't need a handout and so that there was that initial thought that had come through my mind and I was a little perturbed of, of how it appeared. 00:20:45.140 --> 00:20:46.619 Oh, it's so silly in hindsight. 00:20:46.829 --> 00:20:47.019 Yeah. 00:20:47.019 --> 00:20:48.430 Because going through it. 00:20:48.900 --> 00:21:00.430 Be it's interesting because you, you, we've have now been on the other end of that with church and with friends and family, where we've rallied around people in our church that have really needed help. 00:21:00.430 --> 00:21:06.920 And we've been on the end where we're going to someone's house and we're bringing them groceries or bringing them money or they're bringing them. 00:21:07.789 --> 00:21:20.799 We're on that end of it now, and when you're, now that we're there, we're looking at them like, not as, not What you're trying to get to is like how they must think that we're less than we're not we're actually like you just needed a Hand up. 00:21:21.069 --> 00:21:47.755 Yeah, and we've been there Yeah and so it you have to you have to get to the place where you have to eat your pride and and this is the Thing is that there's an incredible amount of pressure on families at Christmastime and it's not just it's not just marriages Not just because when you're married now, you're going to you're having to buy gifts for family members that you don't know that as well right But I want to say this contrary to the pressure that that culture puts on us. 00:21:47.755 --> 00:21:51.305 You do not have to buy everything on your kid's Christmas list. 00:21:51.585 --> 00:21:52.005 No. 00:21:52.065 --> 00:21:55.805 If you can, if you can purchase one thing, then purchase one thing. 00:21:55.825 --> 00:22:03.865 If you can't purchase anything, um, the thrift stores are great at finding, and we've done it at the thrift store. 00:22:03.904 --> 00:22:04.065 And 00:22:04.065 --> 00:22:08.654 here's, here's, here's the thing is, is that disappointment never killed anyone. 00:22:10.285 --> 00:22:13.075 No, I know, I know this is hard for people to hear. 00:22:14.565 --> 00:22:19.924 And there's something that my pastor and I say all the time is that we have to learn how to do the hard things better. 00:22:20.664 --> 00:22:24.275 Being disappointed actually is a great lesson in disappointment. 00:22:24.285 --> 00:22:30.375 We've been disappointed many times in our life, as has probably anyone that's listening to this podcast. 00:22:30.394 --> 00:22:31.845 You have experienced disappointment. 00:22:32.335 --> 00:22:33.095 It is hard. 00:22:33.434 --> 00:22:36.894 It brings on lots of frustration, lots of emotion, lots of things. 00:22:36.894 --> 00:22:37.295 But. 00:22:37.585 --> 00:22:42.664 Toys are, hear me when I say this, gifts are just gifts. 00:22:43.380 --> 00:22:59.049 Toys are just toys that they're really the the they will remember you being together some of the best dates that Natalie and I have ever had even when we've had kids have been the ones we've had a little bit of money and the only thing we could do was go and get one ice or two ice cream cones for two bucks. 00:22:59.585 --> 00:23:01.855 at, at McDonald's and go for a drive. 00:23:02.105 --> 00:23:02.404 Exactly. 00:23:02.434 --> 00:23:08.095 The best, some of the best dates that we've had, the most conversation, the most connection, not the ones where I dropped 200. 00:23:08.115 --> 00:23:09.174 Like those are good dates. 00:23:09.174 --> 00:23:09.724 Don't get me wrong. 00:23:09.724 --> 00:23:11.325 Those are fun that you do once in a while. 00:23:11.555 --> 00:23:18.944 We do once every three years, but the ones where you're, you're dropping big money, those, you know, what matters is when you and your company that you're with. 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:19.200 Yeah. 00:23:19.390 --> 00:23:22.970 Your family remembers that you made Christmas the best that you possibly could. 00:23:22.970 --> 00:23:34.950 My kids aren't going to remember the fact that they may remember if I mom a really great gift, but they're going to remember, Hey, dad cared enough about me to do his best at Christmastime with little to make sure that I was looked after. 00:23:35.069 --> 00:23:35.990 Exactly. 00:23:36.009 --> 00:23:37.319 And you know, what did we do? 00:23:37.769 --> 00:23:38.539 We handmade 00:23:38.539 --> 00:23:38.900 stuff. 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:39.230 Yeah. 00:23:39.569 --> 00:23:42.180 Well, when you say we, you mean you. 00:23:42.609 --> 00:23:43.529 The kids and I, right. 00:23:43.539 --> 00:23:44.329 And like, I didn't. 00:23:44.454 --> 00:23:49.305 I didn't have the money to go to Michael's and I didn't have the money to go to Walmart for Christmas decor. 00:23:49.305 --> 00:23:51.755 So the kids and I made Christmas decor. 00:23:52.634 --> 00:24:00.055 And so looking for ways to ease, like a lot of times our boys had kind of a joint gift. 00:24:00.065 --> 00:24:00.454 Yeah, yeah. 00:24:00.454 --> 00:24:07.484 Because we couldn't afford to buy them separate ones, but we could afford to buy them one gift that they would, that they would enjoy playing with together, like a Hot Wheels 00:24:07.484 --> 00:24:08.964 or something the hockey thing. 00:24:08.994 --> 00:24:09.305 Right. 00:24:09.335 --> 00:24:10.265 The hockey, we played that so 00:24:10.795 --> 00:24:11.214 often. 00:24:11.825 --> 00:24:21.255 Lots of Christmas baking and like use that time of like, Hey, we might not be able to physically buy and fill a ton of presents underneath the tree, but what can we do? 00:24:21.255 --> 00:24:22.865 We can create memories with our kids. 00:24:22.865 --> 00:24:25.325 And even now when we ask our kids, Hey, what do you remember? 00:24:25.325 --> 00:24:28.085 Like, did you feel the lack? 00:24:28.085 --> 00:24:31.494 And they're like, no, like it was, you guys always made it fun. 00:24:32.214 --> 00:24:41.424 And so with what we had, we created a Christmas for our children, whether or not, and I handmade. 00:24:41.865 --> 00:24:43.265 Gifts as well, right? 00:24:43.265 --> 00:24:46.204 So like not only crafted, but also handmade. 00:24:46.204 --> 00:24:47.744 I made the kids sock monkeys. 00:24:48.095 --> 00:24:50.055 So those were awesome and not creepy. 00:24:50.684 --> 00:24:57.115 No, they weren't creepy, but something like, what do I have that, that they would really love and they still have their sock monkeys. 00:24:57.404 --> 00:25:10.464 So it's not about spending a ton of money and not because we couldn't, but what could we do with what we had and make it festive and make it fun. 00:25:10.474 --> 00:25:18.224 And so we always have done appetizers and the appetizers could be chicken nuggets and fries, like remember dino nuggets. 00:25:18.234 --> 00:25:18.704 Yes. 00:25:18.714 --> 00:25:18.755 And 00:25:19.005 --> 00:25:19.724 it was just. 00:25:21.029 --> 00:25:28.589 But it's, it's going to be the, the atmosphere you create, not the gifts that you give, right? 00:25:28.589 --> 00:25:30.630 Like the gift, the gifts are a bonus in life. 00:25:30.720 --> 00:25:31.210 They are. 00:25:31.769 --> 00:25:32.130 But 00:25:32.259 --> 00:25:33.829 if you're in a position to be able to do that, 00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:37.109 then we, then we bless our kids and we always, and then we bless others. 00:25:37.109 --> 00:25:37.900 And that's always been the thing. 00:25:37.900 --> 00:25:44.089 But when, if you can't do that, if you're even you're early married or even you're married and you're just struggling, you got laid off. 00:25:44.109 --> 00:25:51.279 Like I know, we know of a family right now that got laid off the week before December, and he won't go back to work until April potentially. 00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:51.579 Right. 00:25:52.265 --> 00:25:54.704 And so there, there's just, we know that this happens. 00:25:54.855 --> 00:25:55.855 Yeah, you were laid off. 00:25:55.934 --> 00:25:57.255 I was laid off for Christmas. 00:25:57.285 --> 00:25:57.734 No, that sucked. 00:25:57.944 --> 00:25:58.704 That was really hard. 00:25:58.704 --> 00:25:59.265 It was horrible. 00:25:59.305 --> 00:25:59.875 It was horrible. 00:25:59.904 --> 00:26:02.404 And we are waiting on, this was, this is funny. 00:26:02.404 --> 00:26:09.525 We were waiting on my EI to come in and then we get an email and tell us, Oh, it was like we've heard in the news. 00:26:09.525 --> 00:26:10.384 They ran out of money. 00:26:10.404 --> 00:26:11.234 So they had to wait. 00:26:11.474 --> 00:26:16.075 And so I ended up having to wait for an extra two and a half weeks for my, my EI to come in. 00:26:16.075 --> 00:26:18.484 And you're like, Lord, what are we supposed to do here? 00:26:18.940 --> 00:26:19.170 It 00:26:19.170 --> 00:26:21.670 was, you know, I forgot about that. 00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:22.640 What a dumb thing. 00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:25.349 That that was where the government ran out of money. 00:26:25.349 --> 00:26:27.460 But that was what they had said 00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:27.910 anyways. 00:26:28.069 --> 00:26:31.940 Maybe that was just like on something else entirely, but I just remember the government ran out of money. 00:26:31.990 --> 00:26:32.420 It was 00:26:32.420 --> 00:26:32.829 on that. 00:26:32.990 --> 00:26:33.289 Was it? 00:26:33.950 --> 00:26:34.740 On the EI. 00:26:35.019 --> 00:26:44.220 But you know, this is to say, it isn't about the cost of the presents that are under the tree. 00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:44.609 Yeah. 00:26:46.430 --> 00:26:57.069 So I really want you to like hear that and to be like well, you know if you're in a position of not wanting That's fantastic. 00:26:57.109 --> 00:26:58.460 Yeah Right? 00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:03.079 And, and I would never, you know, harp on someone for being able to provide for their family. 00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:06.259 We're speaking strictly out of a place of not being able to. 00:27:06.279 --> 00:27:07.430 And that there's In the way that 00:27:07.430 --> 00:27:08.180 we want to. 00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:12.920 And we want you to feel like there's other alternative ways to handle the pressure of the season. 00:27:13.130 --> 00:27:13.730 Yeah, and 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:26.805 we just we always had food in the house and for them at least for them and you know like with the food hampers and whatever, they, they're really good about giving a turkey or a ham or stuff like that. 00:27:26.805 --> 00:27:26.974 Right. 00:27:26.974 --> 00:27:34.154 So we always had like a Christmas meal and stuff and and I did baking and so. 00:27:34.980 --> 00:27:37.210 And we always do like Christmas lights and stuff like that. 00:27:37.210 --> 00:27:42.990 So we, we do things that didn't cost money, but still was an experience for the kids. 00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:43.180 For 00:27:43.180 --> 00:27:43.480 sure. 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:46.589 I like, I just, I had this written down here. 00:27:46.589 --> 00:28:04.240 So to run a reminder of the simplicity and the value of presence over presence, presence with the C and presence with the T, that you being there for your kids as much as you possibly can, you being there for your family, you being there for your wife or you being there for your husband, that's more important than the gifts that you bring. 00:28:04.595 --> 00:28:05.214 A hundred percent. 00:28:05.315 --> 00:28:05.964 Absolutely. 00:28:06.275 --> 00:28:08.125 It, I want to hear, I'm going to put you on the spot. 00:28:08.164 --> 00:28:09.045 I know you love this. 00:28:09.045 --> 00:28:09.944 This is your favorite thing. 00:28:09.944 --> 00:28:23.585 What is a short 10, 15 second, maybe that's too short, encouraging word for parents that are, or for families, for couples, for families with children that are actually experiencing these challenges. 00:28:25.775 --> 00:28:27.134 Reach out for help. 00:28:27.654 --> 00:28:27.914 Yeah. 00:28:28.204 --> 00:28:35.365 And if that means needing the assistance of a food bank, church, a church organization, charity. 00:28:35.474 --> 00:28:36.035 Yeah. 00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:39.319 Honestly, do it. 00:28:40.529 --> 00:28:42.160 That's what they're there for. 00:28:42.210 --> 00:28:47.970 And it's not a reflection of how good of a parent you are, how good or not good of a provider you are. 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:54.279 Here that is not a reflection of who you are as a person when you need those resources. 00:28:54.880 --> 00:28:56.529 That is what they're there for. 00:28:56.980 --> 00:29:07.930 I am so grateful to have been the recipient of those, even though I had to work through some of the emotional, uh, stuff that I, I felt like it, it. 00:29:10.345 --> 00:29:10.684 Yeah. 00:29:10.924 --> 00:29:11.434 Absolutely. 00:29:11.474 --> 00:29:14.055 And so the stigma, that's the word. 00:29:14.105 --> 00:29:22.384 There's a stigma in my mind at that time of, you know, if you needed a food bank, then you know, you must not work and you must, right? 00:29:22.384 --> 00:29:23.325 Like there was just this. 00:29:23.555 --> 00:29:24.355 Exactly. 00:29:24.355 --> 00:29:26.846 And I was like, but I just don't want people to think. 00:29:27.335 --> 00:29:29.535 differently of me because I need a food bank. 00:29:29.545 --> 00:29:31.055 So there was an emotional. 00:29:31.605 --> 00:29:34.375 Emotional toll that it took and a processing of that. 00:29:35.134 --> 00:29:43.765 And I say I am so incredibly grateful for the friends and the family that had reached out and had been a blessing to us over the years. 00:29:44.214 --> 00:29:48.345 And the food banks and, you know, Canadian Wholesale. 00:29:48.355 --> 00:30:06.015 And if there are, um, not contests, but like, hey, we are, we're, Looking to bless a family this year and you know of someone take that step and Like, they didn't ask our permission, and we probably would have been mortified had they said, Hey, what are your thoughts on this? 00:30:06.015 --> 00:30:07.625 We'd have been absolutely not. 00:30:07.625 --> 00:30:08.335 You don't tell 00:30:08.345 --> 00:30:09.914 anyone that we're even struggling. 00:30:10.005 --> 00:30:10.785 Don't ask for 00:30:10.785 --> 00:30:15.305 permission and just be that like secret blessing behind 00:30:15.305 --> 00:30:15.575 the scenes. 00:30:17.569 --> 00:30:20.339 That's, that's really like the bed. 00:30:20.339 --> 00:30:25.700 The best way to go through the season is with the help of friends and family and reach out 00:30:25.700 --> 00:30:30.180 for help in this climate where everything is so expensive and inflation is through the roof. 00:30:30.690 --> 00:30:38.031 You know, if we have an extra turkey in the fridge, we are going to bless someone with it because we don't need two turkeys. 00:30:38.031 --> 00:30:39.317 So look at what you have. 00:30:39.317 --> 00:30:40.603 What can you be a blessing? 00:30:40.603 --> 00:30:41.460 Learn more at www. 00:30:41.460 --> 00:30:41.900 plastics car. 00:30:41.900 --> 00:30:46.315 com How can you be a blessing and look out for your neighbor? 00:30:46.375 --> 00:30:46.994 Absolutely. 00:30:47.355 --> 00:30:49.515 So here's what I want all of you listeners to do. 00:30:50.555 --> 00:31:06.704 I want you to share your story, you can share it with us on any of our social, but I want you to share a little bit of your story about, and we're going to post some things this week, but share the story about tips that you have that actually helped you, maybe how you got through it. 00:31:06.714 --> 00:31:10.795 Maybe there's a mental health struggle that you went through that you could actually, that would help someone else. 00:31:11.275 --> 00:31:14.375 And there's a few ways that you can do it always at the end of these episodes. 00:31:14.484 --> 00:31:17.974 And we can, we always ask, Hey, if you like this, this is what I want you to do. 00:31:18.565 --> 00:31:19.174 Take that. 00:31:19.539 --> 00:31:20.500 Answer those questions. 00:31:20.500 --> 00:31:22.329 If you have something for us, email it to us. 00:31:22.329 --> 00:31:24.730 You can find us on Instagram or Facebook. 00:31:24.740 --> 00:31:26.079 You can email it at amplifiedmarriage. 00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:26.599 gmail. 00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:29.420 com also on our website at amplifiedmarriage. 00:31:29.430 --> 00:31:31.779 ca on the bottom right hand corner. 00:31:31.799 --> 00:31:40.190 There's also a little voicemail and you can actually click on there and actually leave a voicemail through your computer and it'll actually come to us and then we can actually use that and. 00:31:40.589 --> 00:31:46.779 Potentially feature that on the podcast with a question or a comment something that we can do But this is a really great opportunity. 00:31:46.779 --> 00:31:47.779 We want to hear from you. 00:31:47.880 --> 00:32:01.849 We want to hear from you from the way that you've Worked through the budget budget restraints of christmas with through the mental health of christmas The struggle of those things we want to hear from you and all those things that That might be beneficial to others that are listening to this podcast. 00:32:01.849 --> 00:32:09.460 And again, if you like it This podcast, it means a tremendous amount to us when you share it and you let people know about Amplified Marriage. 00:32:09.660 --> 00:32:13.817 You can, again, contact us, but also follow us on Instagram and Facebook. 00:32:13.817 --> 00:32:18.940 And you can meet, reach us through email at AmplifiedMarriage at dot, at gmail. 00:32:18.980 --> 00:32:19.359 com. 00:32:19.950 --> 00:32:26.869 And as you have heard us say many times, we believe that your marriage can be reset, refreshed, recharged, 00:32:26.900 --> 00:32:27.750 and restored. 00:32:27.890 --> 00:32:28.650 Thanks for listening. 00:32:28.650 --> 00:32:29.484 Talk to you soon.