1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:01,600 Bryan: Picture this. 2 00:00:01,929 --> 00:00:04,099 It's Christmas, and you're racing through the mall like 3 00:00:04,099 --> 00:00:07,089 it's an Olympic sport, trying to find the perfect gift that 4 00:00:07,089 --> 00:00:10,599 screams thoughtful, but it whispers, I totally forgot. 5 00:00:11,050 --> 00:00:13,460 Back at home, your living room looks like it was hit by a 6 00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:14,080 glitter bomb. 7 00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:17,809 Meanwhile, your wallet is weeping softly, mourning its 8 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:19,050 once plump state. 9 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:20,929 And let's not forget the family gatherings. 10 00:00:21,295 --> 00:00:23,984 They're like a game of emotional dodgeball, where you're trying 11 00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:27,094 to avoid that one relative's awkward questions, but wait, 12 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,245 there's much more. 13 00:00:28,774 --> 00:00:31,815 Amidst all this, you're expected to cook a feast that would make 14 00:00:31,815 --> 00:00:35,094 Gordon Ramsay weep, all the while keeping your festive 15 00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:36,594 spirit brighter. 16 00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,109 Then Rudolph's nose. 17 00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,710 So grab your eggnog folks. 18 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:43,670 We're about to dive deep into the Holly jolly chaos that is 19 00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:44,210 Christmas. 20 00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:48,090 Let's find out why decking the halls can feel more like decking 21 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,049 your sanity. 22 00:01:03,140 --> 00:01:06,030 Welcome to another episode of amplified marriage. 23 00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:06,620 I'm Brian. 24 00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:07,519 I'm Natalie. 25 00:01:07,765 --> 00:01:11,265 Whatever you're doing, potentially drinking eggnog or 26 00:01:11,265 --> 00:01:15,405 sipping some nice spiced rum or enjoying some Christmas music, 27 00:01:15,405 --> 00:01:18,855 whatever you're doing, we are so glad that you've joined us today 28 00:01:18,855 --> 00:01:21,444 and we are excited to have a good chat with you. 29 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:22,349 Natalie: That's right. 30 00:01:22,359 --> 00:01:25,349 If you missed last episode, we, we've kind of started our 31 00:01:25,349 --> 00:01:28,890 Christmas series and we were talking about children and sort 32 00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:34,239 of the financial stresses of having a little money or no 33 00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:37,510 money and what could you do, what we did, uh, with our 34 00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:38,420 children when we were. 35 00:01:38,469 --> 00:01:41,519 Uh, experiencing, uh, leaner years, 36 00:01:43,430 --> 00:01:48,290 Bryan: leaner, leaner years, uh, as we were kind of just talking 37 00:01:48,290 --> 00:01:51,219 about this because we're right in the middle of Christmas, 38 00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:53,390 we're probably experiencing a lot of this. 39 00:01:53,474 --> 00:01:57,885 Um, there's quite a few things around Christmas that are 40 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,584 heightened, like the name of the podcast amplified. 41 00:02:00,605 --> 00:02:03,984 Things are amplified at Christmas and it's, it's an 42 00:02:03,995 --> 00:02:10,025 interesting thing to, to talk about because really, because 43 00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:12,655 we're Christians, I even preached a message is that Jesus 44 00:02:12,655 --> 00:02:13,835 is the reason for the season. 45 00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:19,474 And for whatever reason, right around this time, there's even 46 00:02:19,474 --> 00:02:20,705 the, some of the things we're going to talk about. 47 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,139 There's this odd expectation for everything that the Christmas 48 00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:28,159 gifts are going to be perfect that the family dynamics like 49 00:02:28,169 --> 00:02:31,000 are going to be like perfect and harmonious and there's going to 50 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,090 be unity in the family even though we fought all year and 51 00:02:33,090 --> 00:02:36,090 then this one time a year we come together at on the last 52 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:38,469 month of the year for maybe a week at a time and everything's 53 00:02:38,469 --> 00:02:41,219 just going to be hunky dory just like the Hallmark movies like we 54 00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:44,275 fought and argued and all the stuff but all Christmas comes 55 00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:46,474 and the Christmas spirit changes everything. 56 00:02:46,474 --> 00:02:50,115 Well, it doesn't, it actually takes those already heightened 57 00:02:50,115 --> 00:02:53,175 emotions, already amplified feelings and all that's going on 58 00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:55,414 and just makes it worse. 59 00:02:55,444 --> 00:03:00,645 Like sometimes I would say the season. 60 00:03:01,169 --> 00:03:02,069 Brings it around 61 00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:08,030 Natalie: like the being Christmas invites that kind of 62 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:11,240 Bryan: sometimes, but in, in our experience, like there, there's 63 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:17,819 not really a whole reason as to why, like, well, I think 64 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:22,330 Natalie: you have to, I mean, we're going to dive into like 65 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:26,939 our family dynamics externally from our just immediate, because 66 00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:30,789 that's what we're talking about today, but, um, there's a lot of 67 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,280 variables and. 68 00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:38,965 Um, not every, you know, I have spent many Christmases on 69 00:03:39,004 --> 00:03:43,104 eggshells because you just didn't know the kind of state of 70 00:03:43,104 --> 00:03:45,974 mind that the remainder of your family was in. 71 00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:46,305 Right. 72 00:03:46,354 --> 00:03:49,474 And I mean, we were away from family for. 73 00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:50,960 years. 74 00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:51,439 Yeah. 75 00:03:51,509 --> 00:03:54,780 And I think in, in that 12 years, we're only, we only 76 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:58,030 traveled at Christmastime to see them one time. 77 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:58,719 Bryan: No, it was twice. 78 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:02,979 We, we came once and my dad couldn't make it down. 79 00:04:02,979 --> 00:04:04,020 So we ended up flying in. 80 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:07,020 And then one time we drove just before Christmas, we were there 81 00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:07,500 twice. 82 00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,080 Natalie: So twice in 12 years, not a lot. 83 00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:10,900 No. 84 00:04:10,939 --> 00:04:11,360 And so. 85 00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:15,629 So at the time, like both sets of families lived where we live. 86 00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:18,490 And so it was juggling and it was incredibly 87 00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,050 Bryan: stressful. 88 00:04:19,069 --> 00:04:19,350 Yeah. 89 00:04:20,029 --> 00:04:20,220 Yeah. 90 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:23,870 Well, and I think we discussed this as we came down, like now 91 00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:26,790 we spend every Christmas with our, with my brother in law and 92 00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:28,170 my sister and their four kids. 93 00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:28,990 And it's amazing. 94 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:32,529 And my mom and my grandma that are here, but it took the first 95 00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:34,220 year or two for us to kind of get. 96 00:04:34,314 --> 00:04:36,185 past the fact that, Hey, we're not having a Christmas just on 97 00:04:36,185 --> 00:04:36,564 our own. 98 00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:39,194 We're actually now obligated. 99 00:04:39,194 --> 00:04:41,764 And this is, we love being with our family. 100 00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:44,605 Hear me when I say this, we have a really good relationship with 101 00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:46,175 them, really good relationship with them. 102 00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:48,615 We love being with them, but there's an obligation that comes 103 00:04:48,615 --> 00:04:49,365 at Christmas time. 104 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:50,915 And we had to get. 105 00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:53,180 Past the fact there's an obligation for us to be with 106 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:54,269 them at Christmas, right? 107 00:04:54,329 --> 00:04:57,430 because we were so used to doing Christmas just on our own and 108 00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:00,850 then going to see our friends or Our family that happened to be 109 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,339 in the town that we were in right? 110 00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,720 Natalie: Could I word it more in seven obligation? 111 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,589 We needed to be intentional. 112 00:05:06,649 --> 00:05:08,209 Bryan: Yeah, that's good 113 00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:13,605 Natalie: obligation obligation kind of has a negative Um, for 114 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,105 me anyways, it kind of has a negative meaning 115 00:05:16,245 --> 00:05:17,444 Bryan: considering your family. 116 00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:18,824 I can see why that obligation would be 117 00:05:18,964 --> 00:05:20,785 Natalie: negative with Brian's family. 118 00:05:20,805 --> 00:05:23,334 It's not an, uh, an obligatory thing. 119 00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:26,975 It's more of, okay, it's not, it's not just us and us coming 120 00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:28,504 and going as we please doing what we want. 121 00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,345 Although we can still do what we want. 122 00:05:30,735 --> 00:05:34,004 We're intentional about spending time with our family because 123 00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:34,975 it's a value to us. 124 00:05:35,115 --> 00:05:35,805 Bryan: Absolutely. 125 00:05:36,175 --> 00:05:38,644 And so there's, there, we just want to go through a few things, 126 00:05:38,745 --> 00:05:41,375 um, that people are going to, that you're going to struggle 127 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:41,555 with. 128 00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:43,404 And we'll talk a little bit of our own families as we get 129 00:05:43,404 --> 00:05:45,805 through this, but the very first one we've mentioned it a couple 130 00:05:45,805 --> 00:05:47,535 of times is there's high expectations. 131 00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:52,365 It's interesting that the, I think that at this time of year, 132 00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:55,334 there's probably more expectation, high expectations 133 00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:57,985 in any other holiday. 134 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:58,605 I would agree. 135 00:05:59,430 --> 00:06:03,370 Easter, Thanksgiving, uh, because all together. 136 00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:07,930 Natalie: For us, we want to give good gifts to our kids, and I've 137 00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:12,220 been the recipient in my own growing up years of, of just the 138 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,500 opposite of not great gifts. 139 00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:16,779 And so I'm really intentional about paying attention 140 00:06:16,779 --> 00:06:17,649 throughout the year. 141 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,110 What do my children like? 142 00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:20,540 What are they into? 143 00:06:20,569 --> 00:06:20,589 Yeah. 144 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:27,149 What speaks to their heart so that when I'm gift giving, um, 145 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:28,939 it makes sense to them. 146 00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:33,810 It's not just stuff that I like and I hope it lands no, but like 147 00:06:34,689 --> 00:06:36,889 Bryan: I bought them these shoes because I really liked them on 148 00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:39,100 them and they're like, well, I don't want those shoes because 149 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,740 Natalie: that's not, that's not what I asked for. 150 00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:43,660 And yes, it's not about the gifts, although there, there is 151 00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,100 like, if I'm. 152 00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:46,805 Giving gifts to my kids. 153 00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:48,004 I want them to be good gifts. 154 00:06:48,064 --> 00:06:48,295 Yeah. 155 00:06:48,774 --> 00:06:50,824 Bryan: Oh, yeah, and but no matter what there's a high 156 00:06:50,824 --> 00:06:52,204 expectation And 157 00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,954 Natalie: I think that oh, yes, cuz I struggle with Did I do 158 00:06:54,954 --> 00:06:55,305 enough? 159 00:06:55,714 --> 00:06:57,814 What if they don't like it even though they asked for it? 160 00:06:57,814 --> 00:06:59,814 But what if it, what if they just said they wanted it, but 161 00:06:59,814 --> 00:07:00,545 didn't really want it. 162 00:07:00,555 --> 00:07:02,384 And so I do this whole 163 00:07:02,954 --> 00:07:07,805 Bryan: song and dance that, that I, I understand, but I don't 164 00:07:07,805 --> 00:07:12,175 fully, I mean, it's not fully in for me to be like, that's just 165 00:07:12,175 --> 00:07:15,805 not part of like, I get it, but I'm not like sold on that. 166 00:07:15,805 --> 00:07:18,425 Like the kids have always loved everything we've always gotten. 167 00:07:18,425 --> 00:07:19,334 They've never not. 168 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,504 Natalie: And I think, well, and that's just, you know, wounds 169 00:07:23,904 --> 00:07:25,004 from my own. 170 00:07:25,004 --> 00:07:25,055 Yeah. 171 00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:31,459 Growing up years that, I mean, I realized I, I project in that 172 00:07:31,459 --> 00:07:31,889 moment. 173 00:07:31,889 --> 00:07:32,339 So how, 174 00:07:32,379 --> 00:07:34,050 Bryan: how, how, what do you mean by that? 175 00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:40,680 Like what, what kind of wounds are you, have gotten you to that 176 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,430 place where, when we have our own kids? 177 00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:45,540 Cause I would say that you don't, you may project the 178 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,959 anxiety of the gift giving, but you don't, you don't produce the 179 00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:50,329 consequences of the gift giving. 180 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:50,740 Natalie: Okay. 181 00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:51,399 I see what you mean. 182 00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:51,629 Yes. 183 00:07:51,699 --> 00:07:51,779 Okay. 184 00:07:52,079 --> 00:07:54,814 So then I project the anxiety and it stresses me out. 185 00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:56,204 And it's with anybody. 186 00:07:56,795 --> 00:07:57,975 Bryan: Yeah, it is with anyone. 187 00:07:57,975 --> 00:07:58,925 It's not just a Christmas. 188 00:07:59,064 --> 00:07:59,685 It doesn't 189 00:07:59,964 --> 00:08:00,675 Natalie: matter. 190 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:01,035 See, 191 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,855 Bryan: here's, here's, here's the thing about Christmas 192 00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:07,055 though, is if you take a big dinner, um, gift giving special 193 00:08:07,055 --> 00:08:10,564 holidays, extra gifts, family coming in all of those things on 194 00:08:10,564 --> 00:08:12,105 their own, don't really. 195 00:08:12,584 --> 00:08:17,014 are can be anxiety inducing, but they're not, they're not big on 196 00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:17,355 their own. 197 00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:17,845 They're not huge. 198 00:08:17,855 --> 00:08:20,654 You take all five or six of these things and slam them into 199 00:08:20,654 --> 00:08:21,324 one holiday. 200 00:08:21,644 --> 00:08:23,425 And then you got anxious about all those things. 201 00:08:23,425 --> 00:08:25,144 And so when the gifts come around, you're like, man, I hope 202 00:08:25,144 --> 00:08:25,834 I did the right thing. 203 00:08:26,095 --> 00:08:26,904 Natalie: Exactly. 204 00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:28,995 And so then I am. 205 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:33,639 Um, it's just incredibly uncomfortable for me whenever 206 00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:34,669 someone's opening a gift. 207 00:08:34,669 --> 00:08:35,289 I bought them. 208 00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:35,639 Yeah. 209 00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:36,409 Yeah. 210 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:42,169 And to this day, I still struggle in that area of just, 211 00:08:42,639 --> 00:08:48,820 you know, because I just, maybe that'll be a different podcast 212 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:50,909 Bryan: where I'm going. 213 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:51,509 I know. 214 00:08:51,509 --> 00:08:52,669 And I think that the. 215 00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:57,534 When the expectations aren't met in, as in anything in life, but 216 00:08:57,534 --> 00:09:00,865 in the amplified state of Christmas, there's this, when 217 00:09:00,865 --> 00:09:03,184 they're not met, you just, you feel like you're disappointed or 218 00:09:03,184 --> 00:09:03,904 you're going to be stressed out. 219 00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:07,784 I can tell you safely for 24 years, we've been together. 220 00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:11,054 I've never had a gift from you that I've not liked or that 221 00:09:11,054 --> 00:09:12,445 didn't, that didn't hit home. 222 00:09:12,445 --> 00:09:13,524 That wasn't the right one. 223 00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:16,495 And that, but that's also because of who we are. 224 00:09:17,044 --> 00:09:20,294 And how we try to live our life with contentment and integrity 225 00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:22,365 and honor, and you're going to find the right things for me and 226 00:09:22,365 --> 00:09:24,335 you're thoughtful and you're going to think, but that takes 227 00:09:24,345 --> 00:09:24,784 time. 228 00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:25,534 Natalie: Yes. 229 00:09:25,554 --> 00:09:28,384 And that takes reassurance. 230 00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:28,865 Right. 231 00:09:29,075 --> 00:09:29,274 Right. 232 00:09:29,274 --> 00:09:33,264 And so you've never given me a reason to, for me to doubt even 233 00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,424 when I was to you biggest jerk. 234 00:09:35,504 --> 00:09:35,884 Yeah. 235 00:09:35,924 --> 00:09:39,335 And, and even the kids, like they've never given me a reason 236 00:09:39,485 --> 00:09:42,565 to feel this way. 237 00:09:42,855 --> 00:09:46,465 This is just, and I think if I'm doing. 238 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:53,034 Uh, self reflection, I feel like I've gotten a lot better as time 239 00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:56,044 has gone on where, where I'm confident. 240 00:09:56,144 --> 00:09:56,455 Bryan: Yeah. 241 00:09:57,424 --> 00:10:00,134 I would, I would say that you're, you're at your most 242 00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,115 confident right now when you give the gifts cause you know, 243 00:10:02,115 --> 00:10:02,644 that's what they want. 244 00:10:02,664 --> 00:10:02,865 But 245 00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:09,115 Natalie: there was a time where, um, It was, it caused incredible 246 00:10:09,115 --> 00:10:12,985 anxiety to even think about a gift and then you're stressing 247 00:10:12,995 --> 00:10:14,335 about it all night long. 248 00:10:14,355 --> 00:10:17,764 And then other family are opening their gifts and they're 249 00:10:17,764 --> 00:10:19,534 like, Oh my gosh, it's amazing. 250 00:10:19,544 --> 00:10:23,254 And then there have been times where it has come to my gift and 251 00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:25,544 it has just not, and 252 00:10:25,544 --> 00:10:30,134 Bryan: that's, that's part of the, the projection from what's 253 00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:31,835 happened with your family, right? 254 00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:36,070 Natalie: That's part, I guess the projecting is, is stems from 255 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,210 the reality of 256 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,850 Bryan: what has happened and the wounds and the trauma of those 257 00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:40,049 moments. 258 00:10:40,059 --> 00:10:43,250 I've been there in the room when that's happened and I have 259 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:47,629 spoken up and said something while you were in tears because 260 00:10:47,629 --> 00:10:51,149 of the gift that was thoughtful that was actually spoken by said 261 00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:54,830 person was what they wanted, but made you feel like garbage in 262 00:10:54,830 --> 00:10:55,330 that moment. 263 00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:57,309 And then even your dad was upset. 264 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,980 He's like, how can you possibly say that? 265 00:10:58,990 --> 00:10:59,980 I remember that. 266 00:11:00,134 --> 00:11:03,875 So it's those moments that you remember in your history that 267 00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:07,215 now, but you've never, you've never projected that you've 268 00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:10,804 never put the consequence of that on the kids, like made them 269 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,384 feel bad or disappointed 270 00:11:13,495 --> 00:11:16,544 Natalie: or, yeah, no, this is like, this is just. 271 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:20,034 When it, I have to be really cautious and I have to be really 272 00:11:20,044 --> 00:11:22,365 mindful of my own state of mind. 273 00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:28,504 Because family dynamics, um, in my case really sucked. 274 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:28,855 Yeah. 275 00:11:28,945 --> 00:11:30,014 Bryan: And Christmas time was, 276 00:11:30,335 --> 00:11:32,495 Natalie: was, and, and there was, you know, I remember when 277 00:11:32,495 --> 00:11:38,184 we first moved here back from, uh, up north and, uh, my dad had 278 00:11:38,184 --> 00:11:43,794 just passed away and the excitement and like my, my 279 00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:45,394 birthday is Christmas. 280 00:11:45,465 --> 00:11:48,764 And so there's a level of excitement. 281 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:53,070 Um, that I have, and I love my birthday and I love Christmas. 282 00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:57,159 And so it had been hyped up to be this like big, huge 283 00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,809 celebratory, you know, we play charades and we play all these 284 00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:03,769 games and we dress up and I, I was so excited for our first 285 00:12:03,769 --> 00:12:06,590 Christmas back around family. 286 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:14,529 To have this whole entire, um, like party I had made it to be 287 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:18,279 an experience and what everyone around me had, had, um, 288 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,389 reiterated that this is in fact what we do. 289 00:12:21,789 --> 00:12:26,590 And so, Um, it was the polar opposite of that. 290 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,110 We were the only ones dressed up. 291 00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:31,080 Everyone else was in flannels and no one sort of gave us the 292 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,870 memo that no one was dressed up. 293 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:36,945 A family was drinking and family was smoking and fighting, 294 00:12:36,945 --> 00:12:38,960 Bryan: like fighting, viciously arguing 295 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:39,840 Natalie: and fighting. 296 00:12:39,850 --> 00:12:41,750 And I, and our kids were little at this time. 297 00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:45,860 And I just looked at Brian and I'm like, never again will I 298 00:12:45,919 --> 00:12:50,370 ever come to this place with my family. 299 00:12:50,779 --> 00:12:51,549 Oh, we never did. 300 00:12:51,590 --> 00:12:51,820 And 301 00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:54,690 Bryan: we never, we always did the day or two after, but never 302 00:12:54,759 --> 00:12:55,279 Natalie: did again. 303 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,049 Right. 304 00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:59,330 And it's, it was these ridiculous things of like, you 305 00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:00,940 know, Oh, can you guys bring this? 306 00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:02,070 And then, and then we bring that. 307 00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:05,080 They're like, well, we already have that sort of nonsense. 308 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,779 The whole thing was just nonsense and it 309 00:13:07,779 --> 00:13:08,320 Bryan: was, yeah. 310 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:09,784 And they didn't see it. 311 00:13:10,945 --> 00:13:13,695 Cause we showed up at what three in the afternoon and already 312 00:13:13,695 --> 00:13:16,264 half of them had been drinking since like nine and 10 and they 313 00:13:16,264 --> 00:13:17,294 were already arguing and 314 00:13:17,294 --> 00:13:17,884 Natalie: fighting. 315 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,065 We left early. 316 00:13:19,134 --> 00:13:19,554 I was so 317 00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:19,865 Bryan: mad. 318 00:13:19,884 --> 00:13:20,095 Yeah. 319 00:13:20,095 --> 00:13:20,695 Yeah. 320 00:13:20,695 --> 00:13:21,825 That was a very short day. 321 00:13:22,195 --> 00:13:25,534 So I mean the high expectations for everything and people handle 322 00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:26,225 it in their own way. 323 00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:29,745 And we talked about this next one last week, just on the 324 00:13:29,745 --> 00:13:31,664 financial stretches, stresses of Christmas. 325 00:13:31,674 --> 00:13:34,215 If you listened to the last ones we did talk about. 326 00:13:34,455 --> 00:13:36,855 Being able to bless your family and your kids with little. 327 00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:39,264 And how do you do that and how do you approach that and the 328 00:13:39,274 --> 00:13:40,404 attitude and perspective? 329 00:13:41,024 --> 00:13:41,784 Natalie: Um, you know what? 330 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:46,174 If it was one, let's say you can't, I just want to say this 331 00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:50,544 before we move on to the next, um, section, but if it's one. 332 00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:52,575 Handmade gift. 333 00:13:52,575 --> 00:13:54,225 And that's all that you could do. 334 00:13:55,465 --> 00:13:56,375 That's enough. 335 00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:57,105 Yeah. 336 00:13:57,585 --> 00:13:58,024 Right. 337 00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:02,034 And, and I'm, I'm speaking to myself because I get caught up 338 00:14:02,034 --> 00:14:06,794 too in the hustle bustle of like, well, you know, trying to 339 00:14:06,794 --> 00:14:07,195 match. 340 00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:08,894 It's not keeping up with the Joneses because we're not those 341 00:14:08,894 --> 00:14:12,684 people, but there, there is an element of like, well, you know, 342 00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:14,304 one gift doesn't seem enough. 343 00:14:14,945 --> 00:14:15,284 Right. 344 00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:16,794 And then like, where does it stop? 345 00:14:16,825 --> 00:14:17,095 Yeah. 346 00:14:17,205 --> 00:14:17,485 I know. 347 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,434 And, and to be okay and content with one gift, most definitely. 348 00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:22,644 Can be enough. 349 00:14:22,705 --> 00:14:23,014 Bryan: Yeah. 350 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,054 And so the financial stress, we've already talked quite a bit 351 00:14:26,054 --> 00:14:26,485 about that. 352 00:14:26,495 --> 00:14:27,815 Finally, family dynamics. 353 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:28,544 This is the next one. 354 00:14:28,605 --> 00:14:30,215 And this is a hard one. 355 00:14:30,225 --> 00:14:32,754 Well, and we're no matter what we're doing, because Christmas 356 00:14:32,764 --> 00:14:35,475 oftentimes is about family, family dynamics are going to be 357 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:39,004 wrapped up in all that we do in the high expectations in the 358 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,095 financial stresses. 359 00:14:40,615 --> 00:14:41,179 Um, yeah. 360 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:42,230 Like I said, 361 00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,870 Natalie: even at the alcohol, like in our family, you add 362 00:14:44,899 --> 00:14:47,490 alcohol to the mix and that just opens all kinds of wounds that 363 00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:48,500 you thought were dealt with. 364 00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:49,220 Bryan: Right. 365 00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,649 Because they're like, you remember that time? 366 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:51,279 Right. 367 00:14:51,539 --> 00:14:53,340 And then they say things and they do things. 368 00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,070 And cause we're, we're not those kinds of drinkers. 369 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:59,470 Um, and so for us, it was, it was actually sit back and watch 370 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:00,750 other people make fools of themselves. 371 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:04,159 That was quite amusing for us, but it's still at some point 372 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,830 it's just, okay, it's a little bit overboard, but this is what 373 00:15:06,830 --> 00:15:08,809 happens at Christmas time is there's really high 374 00:15:08,809 --> 00:15:10,639 expectations, expectations. 375 00:15:11,095 --> 00:15:17,304 Then they come and instead of it being the unifying push that 376 00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:19,394 they hope it was, it ends up just being a fight. 377 00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:21,924 And then they walk away even more angry than the one that 378 00:15:21,924 --> 00:15:23,205 came sometimes, not all the time. 379 00:15:23,205 --> 00:15:25,514 Maybe, maybe your family is perfect and this never happens 380 00:15:25,514 --> 00:15:26,615 and we would love 381 00:15:26,615 --> 00:15:30,065 Natalie: to say bless you because that is a rarity. 382 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:30,450 Yeah. 383 00:15:30,610 --> 00:15:30,820 I 384 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,330 Bryan: would think so. 385 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:31,789 Yeah. 386 00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:34,559 A rarity as in it, it happens a lot. 387 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,879 It just, that wasn't our experience with your family in 388 00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:37,529 particular. 389 00:15:37,799 --> 00:15:38,169 No. 390 00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:38,580 Right. 391 00:15:39,129 --> 00:15:42,049 And so the family dynamics that you're going to experience in 392 00:15:42,049 --> 00:15:43,110 every family is going to be different. 393 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,990 There's going to be a brother and sister, maybe the fight or a 394 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,059 mom and a daughter that are maybe in an argument at the time 395 00:15:49,059 --> 00:15:50,009 or just their stress. 396 00:15:50,009 --> 00:15:50,679 There's tension. 397 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,259 Um, as the kids get like. 398 00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:55,840 at every age, I would say from like bottom up, it's a different 399 00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:57,850 type of dynamic. 400 00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:01,730 Our dynamic now with our kids is so much fun because it's 401 00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:04,759 conversation and laughing and joking and, and that, but there 402 00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:07,470 was a time where it just was stressful because they're small 403 00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:09,110 and they're into everything and they're, and they 404 00:16:09,110 --> 00:16:12,509 Natalie: need like nap times and bedtimes and you can't stay late 405 00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:14,250 and you feel bad and right. 406 00:16:14,794 --> 00:16:18,664 I mean, on one hand, it was really convenient because it 407 00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:20,284 meant that our stay was short. 408 00:16:20,784 --> 00:16:21,784 Bryan: We're like, Oh, we got to take 409 00:16:21,784 --> 00:16:22,575 Natalie: the kids home for a nap. 410 00:16:22,595 --> 00:16:24,215 We talked about our sanity. 411 00:16:24,245 --> 00:16:24,514 Yeah. 412 00:16:24,754 --> 00:16:27,475 Uh, that was incredibly helpful. 413 00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:32,575 And now it's, we're just in a different space and, and our 414 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:36,225 holiday seasons are peaceful. 415 00:16:36,284 --> 00:16:36,534 Bryan: Yeah. 416 00:16:37,105 --> 00:16:40,455 And, and so with all of that comes, I mean, the normal busy 417 00:16:40,485 --> 00:16:44,174 schedules, which is interesting because our, our schedule. 418 00:16:44,580 --> 00:16:46,919 Um, slows down because we're, we're pastors. 419 00:16:47,149 --> 00:16:49,970 And so at, at our church, all the groups have already finished 420 00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:53,440 except for one, um, everything's kind of chill. 421 00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:56,080 We're moving on, but then all of a sudden you're, you're 422 00:16:56,279 --> 00:16:58,330 connecting with more people because it's close to Christmas 423 00:16:58,330 --> 00:17:00,600 and they want to get a visit in before the new, the new year. 424 00:17:00,799 --> 00:17:03,200 So you end up doing more and then there's skating and then 425 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,359 there's family coming in before Christmas cause they can't be 426 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,230 here for Christmas. 427 00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:09,349 So it's just a whole thing and it can be overwhelming, 428 00:17:09,349 --> 00:17:10,970 exhausting and so you end up getting tired. 429 00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:14,894 And you get emotional and you get all of that is just tough. 430 00:17:14,924 --> 00:17:21,075 Natalie: And we like in both Brian's family and our immediate 431 00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:24,444 family here, there's nothing wrong with taking like sort of 432 00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:29,005 putting yourself in a timeout and, and just a recharge. 433 00:17:29,025 --> 00:17:31,615 And I know, um, our nephew needs a recharge. 434 00:17:31,654 --> 00:17:33,654 Our own sons need recharges. 435 00:17:33,664 --> 00:17:36,664 My husband needs a recharge where you just kind of are like, 436 00:17:36,674 --> 00:17:37,835 okay, there's so much. 437 00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:43,339 Happening happiness, but happening that it can be just 438 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,259 overwhelming with just the level 439 00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:46,059 Bryan: of noise. 440 00:17:46,089 --> 00:17:49,680 And I think that it, and having that good relationship with the 441 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,849 family that you're going to have that with, like, cause with my 442 00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:54,259 sister and my brother in law, Jeremy and Katie, they'll just 443 00:17:54,259 --> 00:17:56,390 be like, Hey, do you mind if you just come back, come in like an 444 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:59,420 hour or two later, we just need to have a morning where we eat 445 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,569 breakfast together and we just 446 00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:00,970 Natalie: chill. 447 00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:04,589 And I love that because that sets, it sets the tone. 448 00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:11,079 And not only like, they are, um, Valuing their family time and, 449 00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:17,730 and we are also at this end valuing our family time and um, 450 00:18:17,809 --> 00:18:22,930 allowing just some space for the kids to just play or whatever in 451 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,900 before the families get together. 452 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:29,700 Cause when we do, we have a lot of fun and it's, I say organized 453 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:30,980 chaos, organized 454 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:31,349 Bryan: chaos. 455 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,410 There's 12 of us on one space. 456 00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:33,589 Yeah. 457 00:18:33,589 --> 00:18:34,309 It's pretty awesome. 458 00:18:34,369 --> 00:18:37,410 Uh, I would, I would actually, I'm going to wrap up a busy 459 00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:38,150 schedules. 460 00:18:38,490 --> 00:18:43,930 with the lack of personal space and time sometimes and put them 461 00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:46,809 together because it's the time of year like this. 462 00:18:47,009 --> 00:18:49,539 We, we are, we love our weekends because we get to spend it with 463 00:18:49,539 --> 00:18:52,849 the kids and then they have drama and then we do church and 464 00:18:52,849 --> 00:18:55,589 it's just this last week and my dad came down with my brother 465 00:18:55,589 --> 00:18:56,210 and my nephews. 466 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,089 It was fantastic. 467 00:18:57,099 --> 00:18:58,180 We had such a good time. 468 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:01,750 We had an absolute blast, but it was like, like as soon as they 469 00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,480 showed up, it was just a whirlwind weekend. 470 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:04,970 And so you're busy, busy, busy, busy. 471 00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:07,259 And there's just not, well, at Christmas time, sometimes people 472 00:19:07,259 --> 00:19:09,460 are staying for like a week or 10 days and it's this 473 00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,190 overwhelming. 474 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,809 And not only is your schedule busy cause, and if you're coming 475 00:19:12,809 --> 00:19:15,880 from a blended family, you might be hitting up multiple homes 476 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,309 when we were young, I was doing Christmas with my dad and then I 477 00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,660 was doing Christmas with my mom. 478 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,255 And then when we would come here for holidays, we were doing a 479 00:19:24,255 --> 00:19:27,194 Christmas with us and my mom and then going to your parents. 480 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:30,394 And so it's a lot of turkey and I didn't mind that so much in 481 00:19:30,394 --> 00:19:31,164 the eating and the food, 482 00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,724 Natalie: but it can be just over like 483 00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:34,295 Bryan: too much. 484 00:19:34,355 --> 00:19:37,345 It's overwhelming and that's where people hit their limit 485 00:19:37,964 --> 00:19:40,434 sooner because it's intense and it's just all at one time, 486 00:19:41,954 --> 00:19:45,414 Natalie: which then can lead to some real challenges with your 487 00:19:45,414 --> 00:19:48,615 mental health and where you are emotionally. 488 00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:50,174 Right. 489 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:53,555 And the stress and the busyness and busyness doesn't have to be 490 00:19:53,555 --> 00:19:54,795 that you're just go, go, go. 491 00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:56,694 It could just be like, we're getting in the car and we're 492 00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:57,974 driving to the next location. 493 00:19:57,984 --> 00:19:58,214 Yeah. 494 00:19:58,605 --> 00:19:58,875 Yeah. 495 00:19:58,914 --> 00:19:59,265 Right. 496 00:19:59,295 --> 00:20:01,724 And it can be, um, 497 00:20:01,795 --> 00:20:03,035 Bryan: not necessarily out and about. 498 00:20:03,255 --> 00:20:05,964 You get to be at home, wrapping gifts, baking, just going, 499 00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:07,484 going, going, kids have to go here. 500 00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:08,855 Natalie: You know, and if you're. 501 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:12,680 If you're suffering or there's been, you know, where there's 502 00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:15,609 tension in your family and things like that, that just adds 503 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,430 to the mental strain, right? 504 00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:21,690 Bryan: And it just, it ends up taking up so much of it. 505 00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:24,789 So if you're, if, if you're someone who already, we're going 506 00:20:24,789 --> 00:20:28,029 to get to one application that I think that we really need to 507 00:20:28,029 --> 00:20:30,960 talk about that is, is the big one, but if you're already 508 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,480 struggling with say depression or anxiety. 509 00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:36,819 Or you're already frustrated, loneliness, and you're hitting 510 00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:40,150 this time of year and all this is going to happen at one time 511 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,450 and your mental health is just about to get bettered because 512 00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:45,789 everyone's there, um, and take, take, take, take, and it's, 513 00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:48,730 yeah, and it's a lot of take and not a lot of give or a lot of 514 00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:51,519 give and a lot of, and people are taking from you all the 515 00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:51,900 time. 516 00:20:52,490 --> 00:20:55,720 And like the one thing that, so that's that like mental health 517 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,039 issues. 518 00:20:56,059 --> 00:20:59,190 We understand that this time of year, the other one is, is that 519 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,930 there's a lot of people that have had family. 520 00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:04,454 Pass away right around Christmas and every year it just brings up 521 00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:06,184 more, Oh, they're not here. 522 00:21:06,184 --> 00:21:06,414 Yeah. 523 00:21:06,454 --> 00:21:07,914 Natalie: A tragedy of some sort. 524 00:21:07,944 --> 00:21:08,194 Yeah. 525 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:16,815 And, and that opens a whole, um, another realm of either you're 526 00:21:16,845 --> 00:21:22,994 isolating and secluding yourself or sort of numbingly going 527 00:21:23,005 --> 00:21:26,134 through all of the busyness because it keeps your mind off 528 00:21:26,134 --> 00:21:27,244 of actually processing. 529 00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:31,150 Whatever the tragedy might be and, and you know, they're the 530 00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:33,329 first, like if you've lost someone the first Christmas, the 531 00:21:33,329 --> 00:21:36,220 first birthday, the first Thanksgiving, all of those are 532 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:40,720 awful that first year, uh, to go through and, and sometimes it's 533 00:21:40,730 --> 00:21:42,309 awful for multiple years. 534 00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:43,160 Right. 535 00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:45,240 And so just being aware. 536 00:21:45,299 --> 00:21:49,559 It's okay to say no. 537 00:21:49,650 --> 00:21:51,039 Yeah, that's true. 538 00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:58,009 And to, to have the freedom to say this is not, I just, I'm 539 00:21:58,019 --> 00:21:58,549 operating at 540 00:21:58,549 --> 00:21:59,410 Bryan: 20 percent right now. 541 00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:03,099 And to even say to your family that certain behavior is not 542 00:22:03,099 --> 00:22:03,380 okay. 543 00:22:03,779 --> 00:22:04,009 Yes. 544 00:22:04,140 --> 00:22:09,480 Certain response, remarks, or, um, before we get into this, if 545 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,089 you notice in every one of these, these topics, things that 546 00:22:12,099 --> 00:22:15,059 we've all experienced that you and I as a couple have 547 00:22:15,059 --> 00:22:18,660 experienced, if you notice the one thing in every single one of 548 00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:19,549 these things. 549 00:22:20,809 --> 00:22:25,279 it, you have to have good, healthy boundaries on each one 550 00:22:25,279 --> 00:22:25,720 of these. 551 00:22:25,950 --> 00:22:27,170 100%. 552 00:22:27,309 --> 00:22:30,319 And so it really, this is about what is it that the title that I 553 00:22:30,319 --> 00:22:32,549 was just kind of reading is like jingle bells, jingle hell. 554 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:33,359 Yeah. 555 00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:33,619 Natalie: Right. 556 00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:37,630 And that can be, um, I mean, that, that resonated with our 557 00:22:37,630 --> 00:22:38,200 experience, 558 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,369 Bryan: but it, it's all about. 559 00:22:40,924 --> 00:22:41,494 Boundaries. 560 00:22:41,545 --> 00:22:46,365 And you're, you're, if one thing, there's a, there's this 561 00:22:46,384 --> 00:22:48,734 odd, I don't, and it's hard to explain. 562 00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:54,045 It seems with family that more often than not, we're willing to 563 00:22:54,045 --> 00:22:59,875 tolerate so much more abuse and, and abuse, abuse is probably a 564 00:22:59,875 --> 00:23:00,305 strong word. 565 00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:02,484 And in some cases it really is abuse. 566 00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:06,025 I would say in some cases, even in your family, the way they 567 00:23:06,025 --> 00:23:07,825 talk to each other was, was abuse. 568 00:23:08,275 --> 00:23:11,355 The way that they tried to talk to us was probably abuse. 569 00:23:11,734 --> 00:23:14,384 But in some cases, it's just how it's the normal. 570 00:23:14,414 --> 00:23:18,964 So the exception where you wouldn't tolerate most of you, 571 00:23:18,984 --> 00:23:22,894 most people that I know wouldn't tolerate that from anyone else, 572 00:23:23,404 --> 00:23:26,315 but in family, they're just willing to take this beating and 573 00:23:26,315 --> 00:23:30,855 this, uh, like you're willing to take the verbal, uh, assault on 574 00:23:30,855 --> 00:23:34,424 your parenting or your husband's or your, your wife, or how you 575 00:23:34,424 --> 00:23:37,035 did this or how you cook the dinner you're willing to take 576 00:23:37,045 --> 00:23:39,325 at, at, at not just Christmas, but just with your family in 577 00:23:39,325 --> 00:23:39,744 general. 578 00:23:39,954 --> 00:23:40,684 And I would say. 579 00:23:41,625 --> 00:23:46,755 If this is you consider putting up boundaries because that'll 580 00:23:46,765 --> 00:23:48,855 definitely help your mental health and emotional health and 581 00:23:48,855 --> 00:23:49,464 spiritual health. 582 00:23:49,545 --> 00:23:50,115 A hundred percent. 583 00:23:50,154 --> 00:23:55,184 Natalie: And it's very hard to do that when you are ingrained 584 00:23:55,924 --> 00:23:57,365 to not speak up for yourself. 585 00:23:57,404 --> 00:23:57,775 Right. 586 00:23:57,934 --> 00:23:58,595 And so. 587 00:23:59,634 --> 00:24:02,964 The greatest gift you can give to yourself and give to your 588 00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:06,164 children is no, is, is setting. 589 00:24:06,234 --> 00:24:07,144 Well, yes. 590 00:24:07,184 --> 00:24:11,144 No is now my favorite word and not to be flippant with it, but 591 00:24:11,994 --> 00:24:18,075 for my own taking control of my decision making and not having 592 00:24:18,075 --> 00:24:21,305 it made for me is what it boils down to. 593 00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:26,184 And so being able to, uh, to assert yourself and, and say, 594 00:24:26,194 --> 00:24:29,890 Hey, Um, you know, talk it over with your family. 595 00:24:30,369 --> 00:24:33,130 I mean like your kids and your husband or whatever ahead of 596 00:24:33,130 --> 00:24:36,880 time going, all right, this is how much energy I have to 597 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,819 contribute to this outing we're going to with my family. 598 00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:45,759 I have two hours max so, and we literally had code words. 599 00:24:45,839 --> 00:24:50,759 It sounds so ridiculous 49ers, right? 600 00:24:51,009 --> 00:24:51,710 Whatever it was. 601 00:24:51,710 --> 00:24:53,289 I can't even remember at this point. 602 00:24:53,630 --> 00:24:55,930 Um, but we had, we had a look. 603 00:24:56,210 --> 00:24:59,680 We had whatever, and if it got out of hand, it was wrapped up 604 00:24:59,690 --> 00:25:00,720 and we were done. 605 00:25:00,859 --> 00:25:04,650 Bryan: So just what you said, the three, the three boundaries 606 00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,640 that I think we should talk about that not in the notes, 607 00:25:06,660 --> 00:25:08,910 just something that I had written down somewhere else. 608 00:25:08,910 --> 00:25:11,369 And I just, I went back and found it was this, it's one, 609 00:25:11,369 --> 00:25:12,710 what you just said, there's a time management. 610 00:25:13,069 --> 00:25:13,099 Yep. 611 00:25:13,109 --> 00:25:13,579 Yes. 612 00:25:14,410 --> 00:25:17,569 When you know that, Hey, we're getting there at six and by 613 00:25:17,569 --> 00:25:19,220 eight o'clock we have to be home because the kids need to, 614 00:25:19,230 --> 00:25:22,549 whatever reason you gave, that is the best thing that you can 615 00:25:22,549 --> 00:25:25,480 do for yourself, especially when you're in already an environment 616 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,849 that you're already stressed out, stressed out about. 617 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,430 Maybe it's a mental thing for you. 618 00:25:29,450 --> 00:25:30,309 Maybe it's an emotional thing. 619 00:25:30,309 --> 00:25:32,410 You're just what, but if you give yourself a timeline and 620 00:25:32,410 --> 00:25:35,930 say, Hey, mom or dad or uncle or aunt, I got to be out of here by 621 00:25:35,930 --> 00:25:36,430 eight o'clock. 622 00:25:36,450 --> 00:25:36,750 I've been here. 623 00:25:36,829 --> 00:25:37,920 And we just got here at six. 624 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:38,240 Yeah. 625 00:25:38,759 --> 00:25:40,059 I just need to be out of here by eight. 626 00:25:40,059 --> 00:25:40,970 This is what's happening. 627 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:42,279 And you don't even have to give a reason. 628 00:25:42,329 --> 00:25:42,440 Natalie: Nope. 629 00:25:43,279 --> 00:25:43,880 Absolutely. 630 00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:48,079 Like, you don't need to justify why you are or aren't going to 631 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:48,670 Bryan: stay. 632 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,019 Yep. 633 00:25:49,670 --> 00:25:52,250 And, and this is, this is the hard thing about setting 634 00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:55,210 boundaries is because it, it, there, when you're setting a 635 00:25:55,210 --> 00:25:58,329 boundary, like a time management boundary, it, it opens a door 636 00:25:58,329 --> 00:26:00,690 for conflict and which what people don't want to do. 637 00:26:01,190 --> 00:26:01,440 Right. 638 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,059 But you're also saying by saying that and saying that. 639 00:26:06,390 --> 00:26:07,450 I'm coming to your house. 640 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:08,190 I want to be gone. 641 00:26:08,190 --> 00:26:08,910 I'm here at six o'clock. 642 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,059 I want to be gone by eight, not only opening up the door for 643 00:26:11,059 --> 00:26:12,529 conflict for you to be like, well, that's stupid. 644 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:12,940 I don't want you. 645 00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:16,130 I wouldn't want you to stay here until 10, but you're also saying 646 00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:18,750 to them, Hey, well, they're looking after themselves and 647 00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:19,819 they're standing up for themselves. 648 00:26:20,424 --> 00:26:23,494 So it's not just, it's not just one thing while time management, 649 00:26:23,505 --> 00:26:25,625 it's no, there's a few things that happen when you self care. 650 00:26:25,625 --> 00:26:26,664 Natalie: And that's so important. 651 00:26:26,694 --> 00:26:30,954 If you, if you find yourself incredibly anxious over the 652 00:26:30,954 --> 00:26:32,884 holiday season, self care is super important. 653 00:26:32,904 --> 00:26:33,134 Yeah. 654 00:26:33,424 --> 00:26:36,275 Bryan: And, and it's okay to protect yourself even from your 655 00:26:36,275 --> 00:26:36,734 own family. 656 00:26:37,115 --> 00:26:39,704 I know this might not be one of those that like, Oh, I can't 657 00:26:39,775 --> 00:26:40,285 believe they said this. 658 00:26:40,285 --> 00:26:42,069 Well, well, until you've lived it. 659 00:26:42,849 --> 00:26:46,880 We've hit some toxic families in our toxic family time and a time 660 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:50,200 in our life and we understand the importance of so one is time 661 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:50,549 management. 662 00:26:50,559 --> 00:26:53,859 The next one is you actually can set the conversation topics. 663 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,930 Natalie: And we were very strategic with that. 664 00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:02,930 And so, I mean, with the kids being there, it was more geared. 665 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:09,140 You know, there was less likely in my family to be some kind of 666 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:13,099 funny business if my kids were present. 667 00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:14,509 Right. 668 00:27:14,509 --> 00:27:17,519 It's like, well, the kids, the littles are here and so we need 669 00:27:17,519 --> 00:27:18,799 to be like on our best behavior. 670 00:27:18,819 --> 00:27:18,859 Yeah. 671 00:27:19,390 --> 00:27:20,480 So take advantage of that. 672 00:27:20,724 --> 00:27:21,075 Yep. 673 00:27:21,525 --> 00:27:22,075 Bryan: Absolutely. 674 00:27:22,075 --> 00:27:23,305 Natalie: You're panicked about it. 675 00:27:23,305 --> 00:27:27,325 And we like colored and we did puzzles and set up the kids with 676 00:27:27,335 --> 00:27:29,174 like Christmas movies and stuff like that. 677 00:27:29,184 --> 00:27:33,785 And really we set the pace and we set the topics. 678 00:27:34,515 --> 00:27:39,585 And if there was a topic that that came up or, um, that we 679 00:27:39,585 --> 00:27:43,625 were not comfortable going to, cause we could just foresee 680 00:27:43,625 --> 00:27:43,805 this. 681 00:27:44,565 --> 00:27:46,535 being a spiraling into an argument. 682 00:27:46,795 --> 00:27:47,734 We just redirect 683 00:27:47,734 --> 00:27:47,964 Bryan: it. 684 00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:48,394 Right. 685 00:27:48,644 --> 00:27:51,894 And we also there's there's time like certain family members. 686 00:27:51,904 --> 00:27:58,119 Everyone has that one uncle that Um, doesn't understand, uh, read 687 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:03,519 the room and, or has a dad or has a, uh, an auntie or a 688 00:28:03,519 --> 00:28:05,609 brother that's just doesn't read the room. 689 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,009 We'll talk about anything. 690 00:28:07,059 --> 00:28:09,589 We'll actually find the thing that is most uncomfortable for 691 00:28:09,589 --> 00:28:13,410 you and want to talk about that and push those boundaries. 692 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:17,250 And it's okay to say either you clap back when they speak up or 693 00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:19,039 be like, Hey, we're not going to talk about that. 694 00:28:19,039 --> 00:28:20,420 That's right now. 695 00:28:20,420 --> 00:28:22,980 That's not something we can talk about, especially in nowadays 696 00:28:22,980 --> 00:28:27,295 when, um, Unless you are willing to have just a normal civil 697 00:28:27,295 --> 00:28:29,944 discourse, like me and my brother in law, we don't agree 698 00:28:29,944 --> 00:28:32,015 all the time on things, but I can have a great conversation 699 00:28:32,015 --> 00:28:34,045 with him and he's so smart at stuff that I can, I'm actually 700 00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,954 challenged by it and I hope I challenge him vice like vice 701 00:28:36,954 --> 00:28:39,055 versa, but not everyone can do that. 702 00:28:39,095 --> 00:28:39,585 No. 703 00:28:39,825 --> 00:28:40,105 Right. 704 00:28:40,105 --> 00:28:43,484 And, and so you want to, to, and if you can't have that one 705 00:28:43,484 --> 00:28:45,555 uncle, cause oftentimes you know the uncle I'm talking about, 706 00:28:45,914 --> 00:28:47,585 that one uncle, that's just a jerk. 707 00:28:47,835 --> 00:28:48,914 We'll push the boundaries. 708 00:28:48,914 --> 00:28:51,255 We'll say things just to, to make people angry. 709 00:28:51,505 --> 00:28:53,714 We'll just say things so they can get that response out. 710 00:28:53,755 --> 00:28:54,404 The one that does it. 711 00:28:54,599 --> 00:28:57,640 Every family gathering that you're at and the one that he 712 00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,359 should be sitting in his car, not talking to anyone because 713 00:28:59,359 --> 00:29:00,960 they're kind of rude, right? 714 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,069 And so you can control the topics in your own house. 715 00:29:03,099 --> 00:29:05,049 And when the boundaries are crossed, you can say, Hey, 716 00:29:05,049 --> 00:29:05,690 that's enough. 717 00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:08,220 If this is going to be the thing you can go somewhere else that 718 00:29:08,230 --> 00:29:10,230 you're allowed to say these things. 719 00:29:10,299 --> 00:29:10,519 Natalie: Yes. 720 00:29:10,789 --> 00:29:15,119 And you're allowed to like, love yourself enough to, uh, you get 721 00:29:15,119 --> 00:29:15,769 what you tolerate. 722 00:29:16,015 --> 00:29:16,184 Yeah, 723 00:29:16,954 --> 00:29:17,605 Bryan: you get it. 724 00:29:17,644 --> 00:29:17,994 That's right. 725 00:29:17,994 --> 00:29:18,884 Henry cloud, what 726 00:29:18,894 --> 00:29:19,714 Natalie: you tolerate. 727 00:29:19,744 --> 00:29:25,005 And so if there is, you know, some piping up of whatever for 728 00:29:25,005 --> 00:29:29,960 you then to assert yourself and say, you know what, um, We're 729 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:30,619 not discussing this. 730 00:29:30,619 --> 00:29:33,339 This is not the time or the place to have this conversation, 731 00:29:33,349 --> 00:29:33,650 Bryan: right? 732 00:29:34,089 --> 00:29:37,910 And I think that, uh, like, because you, you may want to 733 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:40,789 avoid like politics or, um, Yeah. 734 00:29:40,799 --> 00:29:41,589 Vaccines. 735 00:29:41,900 --> 00:29:42,380 Oh yeah. 736 00:29:42,390 --> 00:29:44,920 Mask or no mask, personal finances. 737 00:29:45,299 --> 00:29:48,349 Maybe they're giving you bad advice or you're not unasked, 738 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,829 unasked advice on how to parent your kids or how she used to 739 00:29:50,829 --> 00:29:51,779 just discipline them. 740 00:29:51,779 --> 00:29:52,799 Your career choice. 741 00:29:52,799 --> 00:29:53,720 You're still at that job. 742 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,619 Oh, I can't believe that or the lifestyle you're living. 743 00:29:56,619 --> 00:29:58,079 Oh, you didn't, you don't exercise. 744 00:29:58,119 --> 00:30:00,170 Oh, I can't believe you're like that kind of thing, right? 745 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,539 Like you want to, you want to set the boundaries of what you 746 00:30:02,539 --> 00:30:04,740 can and can't say before they all show up at your house. 747 00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:05,539 Exactly. 748 00:30:05,539 --> 00:30:08,535 Natalie: And one of the things, you know, back to like Uh, 749 00:30:08,615 --> 00:30:14,505 people inserting their parenting ideas who have no kids, um, of 750 00:30:14,505 --> 00:30:17,144 just, of we've learned the art of like, thank you for your 751 00:30:17,144 --> 00:30:17,944 recommendation. 752 00:30:18,015 --> 00:30:22,144 And then just completely ignoring it or, and there's 753 00:30:22,144 --> 00:30:23,359 nothing wrong with that. 754 00:30:23,890 --> 00:30:27,190 Or, you know, then choosing, Hey, that actually was a really 755 00:30:27,190 --> 00:30:29,089 good idea and I'm going to, I'm going to implement that. 756 00:30:29,099 --> 00:30:29,700 But it goes 757 00:30:29,700 --> 00:30:30,369 Bryan: both ways. 758 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:36,140 But so often those parenting tips don't come because you're 759 00:30:36,140 --> 00:30:37,650 having a conversation about parenting. 760 00:30:38,039 --> 00:30:40,680 They come because they saw something that they think with 761 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,539 no children, but it may be a degree and like some kind of 762 00:30:43,609 --> 00:30:44,490 child rearing thing. 763 00:30:44,490 --> 00:30:45,819 Oh, I work with kids all day. 764 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,269 They think that they, because they saw it, they have some. 765 00:30:51,164 --> 00:30:53,035 It's like, Oh, well, my way would be better, but you're not 766 00:30:53,035 --> 00:30:53,654 experiencing it. 767 00:30:53,654 --> 00:30:55,994 So it's never because, Oh, we're having a conversation. 768 00:30:55,994 --> 00:30:56,855 What would you do? 769 00:30:57,244 --> 00:30:59,134 It's because they saw something they didn't like and want to 770 00:30:59,134 --> 00:30:59,585 respond. 771 00:31:00,424 --> 00:31:00,704 Right. 772 00:31:00,835 --> 00:31:04,115 And the very last one I would say is like in all of this, the 773 00:31:04,115 --> 00:31:08,944 boundaries there is, there can be space for privacy, which can 774 00:31:08,964 --> 00:31:12,714 kind of time top kind of go in with the, like the topic thing. 775 00:31:13,275 --> 00:31:15,075 Like, you don't need to talk about your private life. 776 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,309 Especially if the family's big and there's like 15 or 20 people 777 00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:20,750 and only eight of them you actually know really well But 778 00:31:20,759 --> 00:31:22,859 you don't have to tell them every what's happening with your 779 00:31:22,859 --> 00:31:24,950 boyfriend or what's happening with your girlfriend What are 780 00:31:24,950 --> 00:31:25,400 you doing? 781 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,359 Like what's happening? 782 00:31:26,660 --> 00:31:28,339 You know, 783 00:31:28,339 --> 00:31:30,750 Natalie: I have a saying you're on a need to know basis and you 784 00:31:30,750 --> 00:31:35,119 don't need to know and if you need to know you'll know And so 785 00:31:35,170 --> 00:31:39,704 there I think Um, keeping guard, especially if you have family 786 00:31:39,704 --> 00:31:41,924 that use whatever you say against you. 787 00:31:41,994 --> 00:31:42,285 Bryan: Yep. 788 00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:42,904 Right. 789 00:31:42,934 --> 00:31:48,815 And I would say, um, communicate your boundaries clearly, uh, 790 00:31:48,855 --> 00:31:51,065 early on and early on early as you can. 791 00:31:51,305 --> 00:31:56,075 So clearly with clear communication, express yourself 792 00:31:56,075 --> 00:31:56,785 calmly. 793 00:31:57,265 --> 00:31:59,684 Um, I just talked to someone tonight that's just running into 794 00:31:59,684 --> 00:32:02,315 family, uh, at the day of this recording. 795 00:32:02,744 --> 00:32:05,224 Um, I ran into, I'm talking to someone on the phone who's 796 00:32:05,224 --> 00:32:06,625 struggling with this exact thing. 797 00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:07,444 And I said, you just got to. 798 00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,325 Not get into a word salad. 799 00:32:09,384 --> 00:32:11,434 You don't get into an argument, you know, counselor 800 00:32:11,434 --> 00:32:13,065 Natalie: said, don't engage in a word 801 00:32:13,134 --> 00:32:13,505 Bryan: salad. 802 00:32:13,734 --> 00:32:16,464 Just talk calmly and firmly when they gaslight, just hit him with 803 00:32:16,464 --> 00:32:19,845 the facts and be kind and loving towards them as much as you want 804 00:32:19,845 --> 00:32:21,865 to knock them out because they said something they shouldn't. 805 00:32:22,424 --> 00:32:25,095 Um, but when you communicate them, do those things, just do 806 00:32:25,105 --> 00:32:26,515 it clearly, do it calmly. 807 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,079 You may be nervous, but I would, but I would say stand your 808 00:32:30,079 --> 00:32:33,099 ground, fight for peace, fight for the right thing. 809 00:32:33,109 --> 00:32:37,210 And if they, if they love you, this is the, maybe this is the 810 00:32:37,210 --> 00:32:37,680 wrong way to say it. 811 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:38,539 In the perfect world. 812 00:32:38,609 --> 00:32:39,630 In the perfect world. 813 00:32:40,849 --> 00:32:42,480 I think it's not just love, it's respect. 814 00:32:42,819 --> 00:32:47,000 If they respect you and they consider your feelings. 815 00:32:48,099 --> 00:32:53,099 And they consider your needs before their needs, that if you 816 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,339 ask them for those things as, as uncomfortable as it is, when 817 00:32:57,339 --> 00:32:59,369 someone says, Hey, can you not say that to me? 818 00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:00,670 Because it actually hurts my feelings. 819 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:01,190 You're like, Oh. 820 00:33:02,015 --> 00:33:04,984 If you're considering the other person and you're deferring to 821 00:33:04,984 --> 00:33:07,984 them and what does the Bible say to honor them to honor? 822 00:33:07,994 --> 00:33:09,065 We say this in our church. 823 00:33:09,085 --> 00:33:12,615 We're gonna honor up on her down on her all around That means 824 00:33:12,615 --> 00:33:16,414 that if my brother in law comes to me says hey you talked Really 825 00:33:16,414 --> 00:33:18,349 harshly to one of my kids. 826 00:33:18,380 --> 00:33:19,309 I didn't really appreciate that. 827 00:33:19,309 --> 00:33:22,119 I'm like, Oh man, I'm not going to like dig my heels and be 828 00:33:22,119 --> 00:33:22,759 like, you're wrong. 829 00:33:22,769 --> 00:33:23,559 He deserved that. 830 00:33:23,849 --> 00:33:26,670 And that may be true, but that's not my kid. 831 00:33:26,750 --> 00:33:27,039 No. 832 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:27,529 Right. 833 00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:31,579 And so I would defer and honor my brother in law and my sister 834 00:33:31,579 --> 00:33:32,289 say, this is your house. 835 00:33:32,430 --> 00:33:32,849 Do you know what? 836 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:33,650 I'm you're right. 837 00:33:34,109 --> 00:33:34,880 I shouldn't have done that. 838 00:33:34,890 --> 00:33:35,730 I was frustrated. 839 00:33:36,130 --> 00:33:40,039 And so I'm deferring to their, who they are and how they parent 840 00:33:40,589 --> 00:33:43,730 and saying that, that you, Hey, I consider you before I consider 841 00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:44,059 me. 842 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:44,490 Right. 843 00:33:44,990 --> 00:33:47,440 And if we do that in the household and the context of all 844 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:48,019 this stuff. 845 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,509 Setting boundaries is the best thing you'll ever do at 846 00:33:51,509 --> 00:33:52,119 Natalie: Christmas time. 847 00:33:52,190 --> 00:33:57,670 And it honestly sets a, uh, an atmosphere of peace, right? 848 00:33:58,039 --> 00:33:58,700 Because right. 849 00:33:58,700 --> 00:34:01,849 You're setting, you're setting the tone for what, what this 850 00:34:01,869 --> 00:34:04,950 night or what this week is going to look like. 851 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:07,960 Bryan: And I would say we do understand that. 852 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,349 Sometimes moms at Christmastime or dads at Christmastime are a 853 00:34:12,349 --> 00:34:13,769 lot, right? 854 00:34:13,829 --> 00:34:17,329 Like just, they're just excited and they love life. 855 00:34:17,329 --> 00:34:19,670 And you know, parents as they get older, they want things a 856 00:34:19,670 --> 00:34:21,429 certain way and we kind of get settled. 857 00:34:21,429 --> 00:34:24,940 Or maybe that's when your siblings is particularly like, 858 00:34:25,929 --> 00:34:28,360 we know that this is the season is a lot, but what you want to 859 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:29,980 do is you want to set those boundaries. 860 00:34:30,340 --> 00:34:31,960 You need, you need to set those 861 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,289 Natalie: boundaries to set those batteries. 862 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:33,769 I might. 863 00:34:33,809 --> 00:34:37,659 Otherwise it's just going to be rocking around the jingle tree, 864 00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:38,010 right? 865 00:34:38,460 --> 00:34:40,059 Bryan: Jingle bell, jingle hell. 866 00:34:40,070 --> 00:34:40,579 Exactly. 867 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,889 It's not our topic, but if you are not our title, but I think 868 00:34:42,889 --> 00:34:44,199 maybe it should be, I think 869 00:34:44,199 --> 00:34:44,750 Natalie: it should. 870 00:34:44,949 --> 00:34:47,969 Um, it doesn't have to be that way. 871 00:34:48,039 --> 00:34:49,269 And that's the encouragement. 872 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:49,650 Right. 873 00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:49,849 You 874 00:34:49,849 --> 00:34:51,630 Bryan: have any last things you want to mention? 875 00:34:53,079 --> 00:34:54,489 Just boundaries. 876 00:34:55,449 --> 00:34:58,500 I think my notes, I would say just be encouraged that. 877 00:34:59,545 --> 00:35:03,304 The, the, the way your Christmas is, is if you really struggle at 878 00:35:03,304 --> 00:35:07,315 Christmas, it doesn't have to be that way because I was the guy 879 00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:09,864 that hated Christmas time for such a long time, because I was 880 00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:13,994 between two parents, between two households, one was a, one was a 881 00:35:13,994 --> 00:35:18,155 Christian household, one wasn't, and it was like a constant, um, 882 00:35:18,429 --> 00:35:22,489 Spiritual battle, I would say, but also like a, a discipline 883 00:35:22,489 --> 00:35:22,809 battle. 884 00:35:22,820 --> 00:35:25,389 Like I would, I would go to one and then have to be brainwashed 885 00:35:25,389 --> 00:35:27,590 almost back to the way I was when I came back to the other, 886 00:35:27,860 --> 00:35:29,099 but that didn't happen for long. 887 00:35:29,099 --> 00:35:32,059 I think they finally found some common ground and made it work, 888 00:35:32,059 --> 00:35:33,079 but it was 889 00:35:33,110 --> 00:35:33,619 Natalie: tough. 890 00:35:33,900 --> 00:35:35,030 I would say community. 891 00:35:35,420 --> 00:35:35,599 Yeah. 892 00:35:35,630 --> 00:35:38,135 If you can find community in like. 893 00:35:38,375 --> 00:35:43,474 Whether it's a support group or whether it's a church group or a 894 00:35:43,554 --> 00:35:47,005 friend group at, at work, whatever, whatever the community 895 00:35:47,005 --> 00:35:49,795 looks like for you, um, don't do life alone. 896 00:35:49,974 --> 00:35:50,594 Bryan: Absolutely. 897 00:35:51,644 --> 00:35:52,135 If. 898 00:35:52,659 --> 00:35:55,150 You really enjoyed this podcast and you like this episode, we 899 00:35:55,150 --> 00:35:55,559 love it. 900 00:35:55,570 --> 00:35:57,170 If you share it, it means a lot. 901 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,420 When you let people know about Amplified Marriage, you can 902 00:36:00,420 --> 00:36:03,530 follow us on Instagram and on Facebook. 903 00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:07,110 Again, if you ever want to chat with us or you have a topic or a 904 00:36:07,110 --> 00:36:09,730 question or anything you would like to discuss, please let us 905 00:36:09,730 --> 00:36:11,179 know at amplifiedmarriage. 906 00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:11,699 gmail. 907 00:36:11,730 --> 00:36:15,179 com or you can Facebook or Instagram. 908 00:36:15,570 --> 00:36:19,579 And as you've heard us say, we believe that your marriage can 909 00:36:19,579 --> 00:36:22,090 be reset, refreshed, recharged and restored. 910 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,800 Thank you for listening and Merry Christmas. 911 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:25,659 Talk to you soon.