1 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,509 Bryan: Welcome to part two of the work life balance amplified 2 00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:16,260 marriage podcast. 3 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,300 We had a really great conversation last week, just 4 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,440 about some struggles that we've had with work life balance over 5 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,839 the years, and today we just want to finish this off with 6 00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:29,660 moving into from the imbalance that happens when you actually 7 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:32,280 just choose a work over family. 8 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,950 And then we want to go into some solutions and offer you up some 9 00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:36,979 ways that can, you can apply it to your own relationship. 10 00:00:47,070 --> 00:00:48,420 Natalie: Welcome to Amplified Marriage. 11 00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:49,039 I'm Natalie. 12 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,109 And I'm Brian. 13 00:00:50,219 --> 00:00:52,439 As you hear us say every podcast, grab a tea, grab a 14 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,369 coffee and a snack. 15 00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:55,329 We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. 16 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:57,020 Bryan: Absolutely. 17 00:00:57,909 --> 00:00:58,350 Wow. 18 00:00:58,429 --> 00:01:02,420 I was having, I was thinking about the last week and just 19 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:08,620 the, the ways that we've struggled over the years with 20 00:01:08,659 --> 00:01:09,659 work life balance. 21 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:12,519 Like we've not done it very well. 22 00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:13,599 We've done it really poorly. 23 00:01:14,079 --> 00:01:16,849 And I know we had a conversation earlier just about. 24 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,325 What does it mean when you, you come from nothing and you have 25 00:01:19,325 --> 00:01:19,635 something? 26 00:01:19,635 --> 00:01:22,305 Why do people struggle with work life balance and choose to have 27 00:01:22,614 --> 00:01:23,734 work over life? 28 00:01:23,754 --> 00:01:27,894 And the like, even in our own study, the reasons are like a 29 00:01:27,905 --> 00:01:28,734 myriad. 30 00:01:29,194 --> 00:01:32,284 There's so many different ways, reasons why people struggle. 31 00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:35,329 Or would choose work over family, right? 32 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:37,700 And some of it is because like even in our own relationship, 33 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:38,670 you didn't want to be around me. 34 00:01:38,670 --> 00:01:39,859 I didn't want to be around you. 35 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:42,159 So I would rather work and then be at home. 36 00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,930 And then when the marriage was healthy, I felt this pressure to 37 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,969 always provide more. 38 00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:48,930 So I would work more hours cause I'm like, we need to be able to 39 00:01:48,930 --> 00:01:49,359 pay rent. 40 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,689 We need to be able to have food. 41 00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:52,689 You're pregnant now and now what? 42 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:57,709 And I even thinking if, if the relation was relationship was 43 00:01:57,730 --> 00:02:01,090 healthy, it would, these things would be a struggle. 44 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:05,250 They would or they wouldn't, they would be like if, if I, we 45 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,360 had a healthy relationship, but I was choosing to work all the 46 00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:11,020 time and we would watch the relationship deteriorate. 47 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:11,590 Right. 48 00:02:11,889 --> 00:02:12,240 Right. 49 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:15,069 Like how, how can these things be good? 50 00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:18,000 Like you could be listening to this podcast from wherever you 51 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:18,740 are around the world. 52 00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:21,500 And be like, man, I got a really tight relationship with my wife. 53 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:25,259 But if you choose or your husband, but you choose to now 54 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:29,310 dis to, to work more and be absent, your relationship will 55 00:02:29,310 --> 00:02:32,860 never be will, will you'll begin to see a deterioration over 56 00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:33,120 time? 57 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:34,030 Natalie: Yes. 58 00:02:34,210 --> 00:02:39,490 And for us in our own personal thing, like we came from 59 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:41,150 nothing, we had like a real. 60 00:02:41,365 --> 00:02:47,104 poverty mindset and a real struggle with finances most of 61 00:02:47,104 --> 00:02:47,965 our married life. 62 00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:55,324 And the, the disillusion I think that we felt was coming from 63 00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:59,694 nothing and then all of a sudden having some, the tendency was, 64 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,764 well, we never want to be without again. 65 00:03:01,794 --> 00:03:03,164 And so we will just work. 66 00:03:03,175 --> 00:03:05,254 And before we had kids, like I was working too. 67 00:03:05,294 --> 00:03:06,004 So, and. 68 00:03:06,629 --> 00:03:08,979 Remember, like opposite shifts to you. 69 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:13,330 So we were already disconnected there and then, then working 70 00:03:13,349 --> 00:03:14,750 crazy hours to make. 71 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:19,875 So that we would never have to be in that situation of wanting 72 00:03:20,425 --> 00:03:21,995 or lack again. 73 00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:24,675 And then we had kids and then I was home. 74 00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:30,425 And I think that with the added stresses of, you know, our 75 00:03:30,425 --> 00:03:35,118 communication issues and things, you really push the envelope of, 76 00:03:35,118 --> 00:03:39,724 well, now we have a child, so we're almost like the pendulum 77 00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:41,145 swinging the other way. 78 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,939 Yeah, we're never like I have to work all of the time now because 79 00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:46,099 it's expensive. 80 00:03:46,409 --> 00:03:48,590 Yeah, which is fair, right? 81 00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:53,270 And that's a valid Concern and the thing with our situation was 82 00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:58,460 that it wasn't so obvious right the slip into the disconnect and 83 00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:02,830 the financial strain and the Like, yes, it was secure because 84 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:06,259 you had a job and consistent wages coming in, but the 85 00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:10,699 security of like, you just not being there wasn't so obvious at 86 00:04:10,699 --> 00:04:11,439 the beginning. 87 00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:15,129 And quite frankly, like it was exciting at first with all of 88 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,800 these extra hours and the money coming in and things like that. 89 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,939 And it wasn't until, you know, there was a big issue that it 90 00:04:21,939 --> 00:04:22,490 kind of. 91 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:32,699 Bryan: And, and I would say that we're probably lucky that we 92 00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:38,620 were able to come out of that hole that we had dug ourself in 93 00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,449 not being present. 94 00:04:39,449 --> 00:04:40,629 A 95 00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:43,350 Natalie: hundred percent, like I'm just contemplating and 96 00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:45,879 thinking back to it, even as we're talking about this. 97 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:46,230 Like. 98 00:04:46,855 --> 00:04:50,254 At that point even we didn't realize, and, and like, this is 99 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:54,444 something we still battle with today is the work life balance 100 00:04:54,475 --> 00:05:02,084 and, you know, is more enough or too much or are we at what 101 00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:02,754 sacrifice? 102 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:07,404 I think now that we have, even if we had no kids, we're still a 103 00:05:07,404 --> 00:05:08,375 family, you and I. 104 00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:10,675 And so at what cost? 105 00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,295 To our relationship. 106 00:05:13,295 --> 00:05:14,074 Is it worth it? 107 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:14,625 Right. 108 00:05:14,685 --> 00:05:16,754 And I think that has to be the number one question. 109 00:05:16,985 --> 00:05:17,365 Yes. 110 00:05:17,365 --> 00:05:21,625 We need money to live and you know, we live in a very 111 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:25,524 expensive city, much like probably everyone else here. 112 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:29,324 So yeah, you need finances in order to survive. 113 00:05:29,384 --> 00:05:30,154 Yeah, that's right. 114 00:05:30,495 --> 00:05:32,204 But there has to be a balance. 115 00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:37,105 I mean, I cannot work seven days a week nonstop, right? 116 00:05:37,975 --> 00:05:38,464 It's not possible. 117 00:05:38,615 --> 00:05:40,435 We all need a time of recharge. 118 00:05:40,504 --> 00:05:40,685 I've 119 00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:41,024 Bryan: tried that. 120 00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:42,084 It doesn't work very well. 121 00:05:42,105 --> 00:05:42,904 It doesn't work. 122 00:05:42,915 --> 00:05:47,514 Well, and I think like even what we're saying here is that the 123 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:51,084 financial stress or the security or the stability of you working 124 00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:53,975 and bringing in money while that's good, there's a massive 125 00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:55,375 trade off between you and your family. 126 00:05:55,894 --> 00:05:56,504 Natalie: A hundred percent. 127 00:05:56,545 --> 00:06:00,964 And I will take it even a step further because like you're a 128 00:06:00,964 --> 00:06:02,944 pastor and yes, I work part time. 129 00:06:03,365 --> 00:06:06,555 There was a time though when I wasn't working, we were in 130 00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:09,084 ministry, but you were the sole provider. 131 00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:09,375 Yeah. 132 00:06:09,625 --> 00:06:13,245 This can still have a detrimental impact to your 133 00:06:13,245 --> 00:06:16,949 family of like, I need to be at every single function. 134 00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:21,709 I need to be available for everyone else 24 seven because 135 00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:25,920 that seems to come with a job at the expense of your children. 136 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:29,910 Yeah, that is so wrong on so many levels and we'll, we'll get 137 00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:31,589 to a solution for that later on. 138 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:31,930 Bryan: Right. 139 00:06:32,209 --> 00:06:33,680 And, and I would say that that. 140 00:06:34,504 --> 00:06:37,134 At that point it wasn't about finances. 141 00:06:37,524 --> 00:06:40,464 Natalie: No that's like the, the, the family security of just 142 00:06:40,464 --> 00:06:43,595 having mom and or dad present. 143 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,154 Bryan: That way he had not, that had nothing to do with the 144 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,134 finances, everything to do with the fact that I'm a pastor and I 145 00:06:48,134 --> 00:06:52,194 was just learning how to, to choose my battles and choose 146 00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:55,875 this, which things I fight for and which things I need my time 147 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,314 immediately and which things Hey, I can, I can actually put 148 00:06:58,314 --> 00:06:59,324 off till next week. 149 00:06:59,855 --> 00:07:01,274 And there's been times where. 150 00:07:02,319 --> 00:07:06,750 I was with my family and someone has said, Hey, I really want to, 151 00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,680 I need to talk to you about something, not telling me 152 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,569 urgency, not giving me a, Hey, this is what's going on. 153 00:07:12,819 --> 00:07:14,100 And then you're getting blasted with it. 154 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:14,370 Lee. 155 00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,509 Well, you, you didn't, you didn't connect with me and I've, 156 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,310 I felt like you didn't love me or a band. 157 00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:22,259 And so they're bringing up their baggage and their issues, but 158 00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:24,269 you didn't, all you said was, Hey, I want to have a chat with 159 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,800 you about this item X. 160 00:07:27,019 --> 00:07:27,310 Yeah. 161 00:07:27,339 --> 00:07:28,300 But then me saying, well. 162 00:07:28,439 --> 00:07:31,620 Well, it's Friday and I'm, I'm actually right now when you're 163 00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:32,860 texting me, I'm with my family. 164 00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:36,370 And so I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be available until 165 00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:38,209 Monday cause we have a weekend plan with my kids. 166 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:42,370 And so my wife and I are unavailable and that's, and now 167 00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:42,889 that's healthy. 168 00:07:42,889 --> 00:07:45,149 I probably wouldn't have said that two, three, four years 169 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:45,509 Natalie: ago. 170 00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:48,569 Like segues into it. 171 00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:50,939 There's a possibility of neglecting. 172 00:07:51,894 --> 00:07:52,214 Yeah. 173 00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:56,394 Your, your spouse, your children, your family, the needs 174 00:07:56,514 --> 00:08:00,134 that they're needing emotionally of you being present and not 175 00:08:00,134 --> 00:08:03,625 just in the room, but your focus is elsewhere, but in the room 176 00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:05,964 and your focus is on your, your family. 177 00:08:06,014 --> 00:08:06,264 Bryan: Right. 178 00:08:06,264 --> 00:08:12,605 And, and how, how can I provide emotional or manly behavior, 179 00:08:12,605 --> 00:08:15,314 modeling manly behavior to my sons and to my daughter? 180 00:08:15,314 --> 00:08:18,074 This is what a good husband looks like, or a good father 181 00:08:18,074 --> 00:08:18,475 looks like. 182 00:08:19,345 --> 00:08:21,504 How can I model that to my kids if I'm never present? 183 00:08:22,264 --> 00:08:22,295 Right. 184 00:08:22,305 --> 00:08:22,725 That's very 185 00:08:22,725 --> 00:08:23,115 Natalie: true. 186 00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:23,615 Like, 187 00:08:24,774 --> 00:08:26,625 Bryan: like even what did, what did we say in the last episode 188 00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:30,175 is that the, your, there's no one in your job that's going to 189 00:08:30,185 --> 00:08:32,684 be like, that's going to up celebrate you working longer 190 00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:33,125 hours. 191 00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:33,955 That's right. 192 00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:33,965 Right. 193 00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:35,995 But your kids will remember you were absent. 194 00:08:36,085 --> 00:08:36,544 Natalie: Exactly. 195 00:08:36,605 --> 00:08:36,894 Oh yeah. 196 00:08:36,894 --> 00:08:39,534 You were talking about, they won't necessarily remember what 197 00:08:39,534 --> 00:08:41,705 you purchased for them, but they will remember 198 00:08:41,774 --> 00:08:43,945 Bryan: if I was present, right. 199 00:08:43,945 --> 00:08:47,315 And, and, but all of those things are at a cost. 200 00:08:47,315 --> 00:08:49,264 It's like, how can mean you. 201 00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:53,110 Like, even on a, on the kind of marriage sexual level, even have 202 00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:56,759 foreplay or even want to do that with each other or have sex or 203 00:08:56,779 --> 00:08:57,759 be intimate with each other. 204 00:08:57,759 --> 00:09:00,830 If I'm never present to even have that, like, and there's 205 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:03,480 like foreplay on text is only good at foreplay is coming 206 00:09:03,779 --> 00:09:05,330 because we've been at home for a while. 207 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,899 Like I've been with you and I've been able to emotionally connect 208 00:09:07,899 --> 00:09:09,690 with you face to face, eyeball to 209 00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:10,149 Natalie: eyeball. 210 00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:10,720 Exactly. 211 00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:11,080 Right. 212 00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:12,649 I'm not married to my phone. 213 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:13,210 Right. 214 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:13,629 Right. 215 00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:14,909 You shouldn't be married to your phone. 216 00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:17,529 You should be married to, you know, your partner. 217 00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:17,649 Right. 218 00:09:19,095 --> 00:09:22,105 It makes it very challenging because there's a disconnect. 219 00:09:22,115 --> 00:09:22,325 Yeah. 220 00:09:22,715 --> 00:09:23,695 Bryan: And yeah. 221 00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:27,284 And you end up there, can you, you get to the place where you 222 00:09:27,294 --> 00:09:29,465 neglect or sorry, where you resent. 223 00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,585 Like 100 percent because you're like, well, you're never here. 224 00:09:32,585 --> 00:09:35,115 So I'm just, might as well be single mom, which you've said 225 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:35,875 numerous times. 226 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:36,125 Yes. 227 00:09:36,304 --> 00:09:36,595 And 228 00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:39,254 Natalie: you know, when one is filled with resentment, one 229 00:09:39,394 --> 00:09:43,774 resorts to childish antics and you know, it was like, well, you 230 00:09:44,264 --> 00:09:48,384 withheld, you withheld your presence of even wanting to be 231 00:09:48,384 --> 00:09:48,764 home. 232 00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:51,235 Then I'm withholding intimacy from you. 233 00:09:51,274 --> 00:09:51,475 Yeah. 234 00:09:52,345 --> 00:09:52,804 Bryan: Right. 235 00:09:53,684 --> 00:09:54,164 That's unfair. 236 00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:57,215 But it's also on both on both counts. 237 00:09:57,215 --> 00:10:00,514 Yeah, I was gonna say it's unfair that I'm, I'm not home to 238 00:10:00,514 --> 00:10:03,164 provide for my wife, but I'm also, it's also unfair that she 239 00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:03,695 would do that. 240 00:10:03,754 --> 00:10:03,985 And then 241 00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:05,575 Natalie: what happens when we're dissatisfied? 242 00:10:05,654 --> 00:10:05,884 Yeah. 243 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:07,110 Right. 244 00:10:07,110 --> 00:10:11,009 That just opens the door for emotional affairs. 245 00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:13,159 It opens the door for physical affairs. 246 00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:13,700 Right. 247 00:10:14,049 --> 00:10:16,580 Bryan: We've actually, we've met with some couples, some older 248 00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:19,980 couples that actually had earlier in their marriage had 249 00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,330 struggled with similar things that we had, and they've been 250 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,379 married for 10, 10 or 14 years longer than we have. 251 00:10:25,965 --> 00:10:26,654 Something like that. 252 00:10:26,674 --> 00:10:30,455 But they said, and we asked, well, how they had, she had had 253 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,335 an emotional affair. 254 00:10:31,794 --> 00:10:35,754 And I asked her, I said, how did you get to that place? 255 00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:37,355 And so how did you go there? 256 00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:40,774 Because the person that it was with was unlikely shouldn't have 257 00:10:40,794 --> 00:10:41,144 happened. 258 00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:44,585 And she's like, it just was one of those things is that they 259 00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:46,725 were present and the husband wasn't. 260 00:10:47,195 --> 00:10:50,825 The husband was not, it wasn't even working out of town and 261 00:10:50,825 --> 00:10:52,384 that's a whole different conversation. 262 00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:54,934 I've seen way too many marriages fail. 263 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:59,700 Way too many because I'm going to be a mill right up. 264 00:11:00,205 --> 00:11:02,754 In the boonies and gone for three months out of the earth, 265 00:11:02,975 --> 00:11:05,205 nine, 10 months out of the year and never home. 266 00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:05,664 Yeah. 267 00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:08,205 And God knows what happens when you're gone and then those two 268 00:11:08,215 --> 00:11:09,304 anyway, that's a whole different thing. 269 00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:14,514 But this person wasn't even away, was just gone 10 or 12 270 00:11:14,514 --> 00:11:17,634 hours a day, six, seven days a week and wasn't providing an 271 00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:22,985 emotional, a physical, a mental, a spiritual connection to her at 272 00:11:22,985 --> 00:11:23,274 all. 273 00:11:23,274 --> 00:11:24,014 And she's like, it just 274 00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:24,394 happened. 275 00:11:24,774 --> 00:11:25,404 Natalie: That's right. 276 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:29,914 And so if you think that you're exempt, no one is right. 277 00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:35,625 Like this is something that we ourselves need to be so aware of 278 00:11:35,664 --> 00:11:40,485 and, and fight against, you know, idle thoughts and your 279 00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:44,465 mind wanders and whatever else happens there. 280 00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:47,465 You need, you need to be super focused. 281 00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:48,995 You need to be aware of hate. 282 00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:52,440 You know, when, when we talk about like scripture saying, 283 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:55,169 capture your thoughts, this is exactly what it's referring to, 284 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,409 well, not probably the entirety of it, but that's a portion of 285 00:11:59,409 --> 00:12:06,110 what it's referring to of be careful that you are not. 286 00:12:06,129 --> 00:12:11,860 Get disengaged and, and then run with that, right? 287 00:12:11,909 --> 00:12:14,740 If you feel a disengagement, then you need to communicate, 288 00:12:15,029 --> 00:12:16,049 Hey, this isn't working. 289 00:12:16,049 --> 00:12:17,230 This is how I'm feeling. 290 00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:19,840 We need to come up with a solution so that we guard our 291 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,360 marriage. 292 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,649 Bryan: Yeah, absolutely. 293 00:12:21,669 --> 00:12:22,909 And like. 294 00:12:25,139 --> 00:12:30,539 I think the understanding very clearly that no one is exempt 295 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:32,750 from this is the moment that you get comfortable to go. 296 00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:36,500 That'll never happen to me is when the enemy will come in and 297 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,149 swoop in with something where a man or a woman will be present 298 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:41,220 that just provides you something a little bit different than the 299 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:41,509 other. 300 00:12:42,139 --> 00:12:42,460 Right. 301 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,059 Then so you just have to be really care. 302 00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:45,509 That's a whole different. 303 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,070 Podcast to talk about that kind of stuff. 304 00:12:47,529 --> 00:12:49,190 And this one, this one's interesting. 305 00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:51,090 There's actually health impacts. 306 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,440 You can have your health impacted because of overworking. 307 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,879 Now I want to say this, it's one thing to. 308 00:12:58,264 --> 00:13:01,404 Develop a chronic issue because maybe there's a genetic thing or 309 00:13:01,495 --> 00:13:04,085 something happened to you got a bad batch of blood or when you 310 00:13:04,085 --> 00:13:04,654 did the transfer. 311 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:08,804 It's one thing to end up with a chronic problem just based on 312 00:13:08,815 --> 00:13:11,595 like bad diet or or genetic or something like that. 313 00:13:11,605 --> 00:13:14,134 It's another thing to actually. 314 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:18,794 End up with chronic problems in your body because you chose to 315 00:13:18,794 --> 00:13:21,965 work so much that your body was stressed out and you developed 316 00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:22,634 problems. 317 00:13:23,115 --> 00:13:26,725 That is all that is, that is to me is one of those crazy things 318 00:13:26,735 --> 00:13:29,375 that we've actually heard of happening that developed back 319 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,764 problems, neck problems, stomach problems, stomach problems is 320 00:13:32,774 --> 00:13:35,294 common because remember the stress episodes we did, this is 321 00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:35,754 what happens. 322 00:13:35,754 --> 00:13:36,475 Pick your poison. 323 00:13:36,845 --> 00:13:38,955 This is what happens when you allow stress. 324 00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:42,684 To live in your body because your choose, you choose this. 325 00:13:42,894 --> 00:13:45,825 And I actually think now that I look back to this, I actually 326 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:49,174 think there's a I wouldn't have said this before, but there's a 327 00:13:49,174 --> 00:13:53,134 greater stress in you or a greater responsibility when you 328 00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:55,014 choose the work over the family. 329 00:13:55,264 --> 00:13:58,345 That means there's an extra layer that you have that you've 330 00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:00,995 added, that you've added to yourself and you know it. 331 00:14:01,904 --> 00:14:04,024 You know it there's no way that you're like one day. 332 00:14:04,024 --> 00:14:06,184 Oh, I didn't know this was happening They didn't know you 333 00:14:06,184 --> 00:14:08,274 chose this you knew what might happen. 334 00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:10,534 It's not only do you have a physical issue There was a 335 00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:12,695 mental strain on there that you chose. 336 00:14:12,695 --> 00:14:12,784 I 337 00:14:12,815 --> 00:14:15,539 Natalie: don't know that But you would necessarily know that this 338 00:14:15,539 --> 00:14:16,860 would happen. 339 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,419 And I don't know that you would even recognize it was caused or 340 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,049 potentially cause some of your issues. 341 00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:27,669 I think it, I think everyone thinks they're, that's a, that 342 00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:28,379 person, 343 00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:29,980 Bryan: that I definitely get. 344 00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:33,100 But do you think, and this is just the question, do you think 345 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,929 that in the modern time, if you have access to the internet. 346 00:14:37,394 --> 00:14:41,455 Instagram, Facebook, any kind of social media where influencers 347 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:44,294 all over the place are talking about a work life balance and 348 00:14:44,294 --> 00:14:45,384 this, that, and the other thing. 349 00:14:45,695 --> 00:14:48,745 Do you think that anytime that someone's like, Oh, I didn't 350 00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:51,764 know that this would happen if I worked 90 to a hundred hours a 351 00:14:51,764 --> 00:14:52,095 week? 352 00:14:52,205 --> 00:14:52,424 So 353 00:14:52,465 --> 00:14:54,654 Natalie: I propose the same thing back to you. 354 00:14:54,695 --> 00:15:01,065 If they're working so much, do they even have time to be? 355 00:15:01,445 --> 00:15:02,745 Bryan: And I propose back to you. 356 00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:05,225 No, I get it. 357 00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:07,715 I understand it, but there's, there's no way that in modern, 358 00:15:08,345 --> 00:15:13,144 modern time with HR departments in these big corporations and 359 00:15:13,154 --> 00:15:16,105 like my boss pays attention to my time, just like I pay 360 00:15:16,105 --> 00:15:18,004 attention to his boss. 361 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:18,825 You got to take time off. 362 00:15:18,865 --> 00:15:20,684 Pastor Brody, you got to go take time off. 363 00:15:20,684 --> 00:15:23,004 Like he's talking about it and then because he's such a 364 00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:24,264 responsible guy, he's like, I don't want to do it. 365 00:15:24,264 --> 00:15:25,384 I said, you need to go. 366 00:15:25,945 --> 00:15:28,195 It's just like he says to me, Brian, I will collude with your 367 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,075 wife and I will make you go on holidays. 368 00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:31,154 Wrong word. 369 00:15:31,274 --> 00:15:31,815 Collude. 370 00:15:33,215 --> 00:15:33,715 Collude. 371 00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:34,018 Collude. 372 00:15:34,018 --> 00:15:34,320 Bye. 373 00:15:34,710 --> 00:15:35,450 It's a right word. 374 00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:38,539 It means when two people work together, what 375 00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:41,399 Natalie: did you think? 376 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,049 You are right. 377 00:15:42,059 --> 00:15:42,899 It is the right word. 378 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,980 I'm thinking the other word you have an inappropriate, no, no, 379 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:47,039 no, it wasn't inappropriate. 380 00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:49,409 It was just like, that is probably not the right word. 381 00:15:49,419 --> 00:15:49,610 Yeah. 382 00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:51,659 Bryan: When two people are working together to get someone 383 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,440 else to do something. 384 00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:53,519 Scheming. 385 00:15:53,559 --> 00:15:54,230 Scheming there. 386 00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:54,860 That's a good one. 387 00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:58,440 You and him will scheme to make sure I take my time off, which 388 00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,549 that's so important. 389 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,100 It is. 390 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:02,549 It, all those things are important, but I just feel like 391 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:07,549 there's, there's impacts to me not choosing to go to the gym, 392 00:16:08,690 --> 00:16:08,970 right? 393 00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:13,450 Like there's impacts to me choosing to eat fast food over 394 00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,610 home cooked health food. 395 00:16:14,610 --> 00:16:18,730 There's impacts to me choosing to be a smoker versus a non 396 00:16:18,730 --> 00:16:19,120 smoker. 397 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,710 There's impacts to me choosing to be staying up 398 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,600 Natalie: all night video gaming instead of sleeping. 399 00:16:24,909 --> 00:16:25,360 Bryan: Yes. 400 00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,289 I don't like that one because I want to play video games because 401 00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:30,159 I'm just a 45 year old child. 402 00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:34,289 But, but, you know, like there's always a choice in either one or 403 00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:36,370 the other there, there's, you have to make a choice. 404 00:16:36,919 --> 00:16:39,879 And at some point, like there's times, and here's the thing, I 405 00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:41,379 want you to hear me who's listening to this. 406 00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:42,299 There are times. 407 00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:46,684 Where you have to work because something's going on, I deal 408 00:16:46,684 --> 00:16:48,585 with funerals and weddings. 409 00:16:49,414 --> 00:16:52,315 Both of them are inconvenient, right? 410 00:16:52,325 --> 00:16:56,004 Like the, both of them will like a, a wedding will take up two 411 00:16:56,004 --> 00:16:59,115 days of my, of my time with my family because of rehearsals, 412 00:16:59,115 --> 00:17:01,075 then the full day, then you're there at the reception. 413 00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:02,054 It's the whole thing. 414 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:02,754 Funerals. 415 00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:06,474 Someone passes a week later, you got, you're planning a, you're 416 00:17:06,474 --> 00:17:07,805 planning a four hour service. 417 00:17:07,805 --> 00:17:09,785 You're spending hours of time with families, dealing with 418 00:17:09,805 --> 00:17:11,795 grief, dealing with planning, dealing with trying to set up. 419 00:17:11,869 --> 00:17:14,529 pictures and tech, all this stuff, trying to make families 420 00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:18,890 like pastor families to lead families through a really tough 421 00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:19,150 time. 422 00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,269 Those are times where you just have to work extra. 423 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:22,509 Exactly. 424 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,680 Natalie: That's communicated. 425 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:24,920 Yeah. 426 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,039 That's a communicated thing. 427 00:17:26,049 --> 00:17:27,460 That's not the norm. 428 00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:27,720 Yeah. 429 00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:29,539 That's kind of the exception. 430 00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:31,700 I mean, yes, people get married and unfortunately you can't 431 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:36,599 control when people pass away and that's just, it's never. 432 00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:43,539 But I will say if you are experiencing some health 433 00:17:43,589 --> 00:17:48,319 concerns, perhaps, and I, please go see your doctor, but perhaps 434 00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:51,109 take a look as we are not medical professionals and we 435 00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:52,250 would never give medical advice. 436 00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:52,890 But. 437 00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:59,049 Go see your doctor, but also take an evaluation of work life 438 00:17:59,049 --> 00:18:02,519 balance because perhaps it's a little bit off. 439 00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,240 Bryan: So now we get to the fun part, the 440 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:04,809 Natalie: strategies. 441 00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:06,079 I mean, we talk about this all the time. 442 00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:08,619 We're broken records, setting boundaries. 443 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,474 Bryan: Do we talk about boundaries often? 444 00:18:11,505 --> 00:18:11,744 We 445 00:18:11,744 --> 00:18:12,174 Natalie: do. 446 00:18:12,184 --> 00:18:14,484 We talk about boundaries as much as we talk about communication. 447 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,144 But you know what? 448 00:18:15,174 --> 00:18:19,845 It's something that we've had to learn the hard way on how to do 449 00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:25,904 it and then not feel bad or that it was like you're somehow mean 450 00:18:26,244 --> 00:18:27,295 for setting boundaries. 451 00:18:27,325 --> 00:18:27,634 No. 452 00:18:28,035 --> 00:18:33,444 If, if like we have to keep us on schedule, like with a 453 00:18:33,444 --> 00:18:35,805 podcast, it's scheduled in our calendar. 454 00:18:36,605 --> 00:18:37,414 It has to be. 455 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,559 Otherwise, the tendency is like, Oh, I'm tired. 456 00:18:40,559 --> 00:18:42,309 We've had a long day or this, that, the other. 457 00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:44,890 And then it just tends to, to like, and we don't want it to 458 00:18:45,039 --> 00:18:50,180 like so when it comes to her, and this is also work, it takes 459 00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:51,559 thought, it takes planning. 460 00:18:51,559 --> 00:18:55,700 It takes like evaluating where we've been, what we want to talk 461 00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:55,950 about. 462 00:18:55,950 --> 00:19:03,160 Like it does take time to set boundaries and preferably set 463 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,319 them like together so that you're on the same page or set 464 00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:08,920 them as a family so that everyone knows what everyone is 465 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:09,480 doing. 466 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,470 And when everyone's home and when everyone needs to be at 467 00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:13,859 things. 468 00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:14,200 Yeah. 469 00:19:14,509 --> 00:19:16,829 Bryan: And I, and I liked it easy, but yeah. 470 00:19:16,829 --> 00:19:19,690 And I like how this, the the way we have read down is unplugging. 471 00:19:20,224 --> 00:19:24,224 We kind of unplug at like after work my phone goes into this is 472 00:19:24,224 --> 00:19:27,634 just something that I do it goes into automatic Do not stir mode 473 00:19:27,664 --> 00:19:28,855 at 8 o'clock every night. 474 00:19:29,055 --> 00:19:32,775 Actually, no, it's 7 now It's 7 7 or 8 every night it goes in 475 00:19:32,974 --> 00:19:36,539 and sometimes I didn't even notice it until Like, you just 476 00:19:36,539 --> 00:19:37,539 don't notice that it's gone. 477 00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:38,619 And that was intentional. 478 00:19:39,039 --> 00:19:41,569 And there's a few numbers that are allowed to get through. 479 00:19:41,569 --> 00:19:44,230 Like my family is able to get through my kids, my brother in 480 00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:45,539 law, my sister, my pastor. 481 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:49,220 If I ever get a phone call from someone from my team, it's bad. 482 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,140 In particular, if my pastor calls me at. 483 00:19:53,305 --> 00:19:56,065 at nine o'clock on a Friday night, something's gone wrong 484 00:19:56,474 --> 00:19:59,275 and we're about to be dealing with probably a funeral or 485 00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:00,184 something really severe. 486 00:20:00,644 --> 00:20:00,835 Right. 487 00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:03,394 And, but those are, those are the exceptions and that doesn't 488 00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:03,714 happen. 489 00:20:03,714 --> 00:20:07,775 Natalie: But you have the ability to screen, to screen 490 00:20:07,785 --> 00:20:10,105 what is coming in and what, and what isn't. 491 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:14,255 I have the privilege with my job where my laptop stays at work. 492 00:20:14,654 --> 00:20:18,265 So, when I log out at the end of the night and I close the laptop 493 00:20:18,265 --> 00:20:21,204 lid, I don't even think about work until I'm there the next 494 00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:25,305 morning and so, perhaps Cause that is something that if you 495 00:20:25,305 --> 00:20:29,404 have an office at home and you work from home, close it. 496 00:20:29,474 --> 00:20:30,944 Don't keep going back to it. 497 00:20:31,005 --> 00:20:36,694 And I don't have my work email set up on my phone, so I can't 498 00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:38,694 see anything coming in on my phone. 499 00:20:38,785 --> 00:20:39,605 Work related. 500 00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:39,934 Yeah. 501 00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:40,680 Right? 502 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,480 So that's a, that's a check and balance that I've set in place 503 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,539 for unplugging. 504 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,339 Bryan: Absolutely. 505 00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:48,700 And the, the, so the first one for some of those strategies or 506 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,990 goals for balancing out the work life balance to set boundaries. 507 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:54,210 The next one is you want to have quality over quantity. 508 00:20:54,769 --> 00:20:59,539 You want quantity, but the reality of life with children, 509 00:21:00,309 --> 00:21:00,940 different events 510 00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:02,579 Natalie: with each other 24 seven, 511 00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:04,700 Bryan: you know, and I like her and she's awesome. 512 00:21:04,710 --> 00:21:06,109 Like Natalie's fun to be around. 513 00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:10,539 I would say almost all the time, but I still need time with your 514 00:21:10,539 --> 00:21:11,869 girls and anytime with the guys. 515 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,160 Yeah. 516 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,480 Natalie: And I need time like on my own. 517 00:21:14,670 --> 00:21:17,829 Bryan: But then when we do have specific things, we make sure 518 00:21:17,829 --> 00:21:21,269 that not, I don't mean just like you're sitting at home and we're 519 00:21:21,269 --> 00:21:23,640 watching a show or it's a little bit, we're just getting ready to 520 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,940 go to bed and she's on her phone. 521 00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:26,184 I'm on my phone and we're just kind of just. 522 00:21:26,194 --> 00:21:28,474 Chilling out for a little bit and we're sending each other 523 00:21:28,474 --> 00:21:29,825 memes sitting on the couch together. 524 00:21:29,825 --> 00:21:30,744 Like we do that. 525 00:21:30,744 --> 00:21:31,164 That's fun. 526 00:21:31,174 --> 00:21:32,075 And I do that with the kids. 527 00:21:32,505 --> 00:21:34,765 I'm talking about, Hey, we have a date night plan. 528 00:21:35,055 --> 00:21:36,644 Let's make like date night plan is in. 529 00:21:36,644 --> 00:21:37,555 We, the kids are at youth. 530 00:21:37,565 --> 00:21:38,615 We're going to go for a couple hours. 531 00:21:38,684 --> 00:21:39,095 Exactly. 532 00:21:39,115 --> 00:21:42,144 We go shopping, we get a coffee or an ice cream and we just 533 00:21:42,144 --> 00:21:42,894 wander around and we talk. 534 00:21:42,904 --> 00:21:44,884 We make the best of the time that we have together. 535 00:21:45,045 --> 00:21:45,275 Yup. 536 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:47,545 Even if it's 15 minutes, even it's 15 minutes and we have 537 00:21:47,545 --> 00:21:50,025 some, we have some planned time together date nights that are 538 00:21:50,025 --> 00:21:50,795 specific. 539 00:21:51,095 --> 00:21:53,714 We don't do those nearly enough and we're getting better at it. 540 00:21:54,214 --> 00:21:56,015 Natalie: And you know, one of the things that. 541 00:21:56,575 --> 00:21:59,394 We've worked really hard and it was hard to do. 542 00:21:59,434 --> 00:22:03,255 I feel when the kids were smaller was when it was you and 543 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:06,015 I intentional focused, we're on a date. 544 00:22:06,394 --> 00:22:08,565 It was so hard to not just talk about the kids. 545 00:22:08,964 --> 00:22:09,214 Yeah. 546 00:22:09,434 --> 00:22:09,565 I 547 00:22:09,565 --> 00:22:10,835 Bryan: remember we used to bend. 548 00:22:10,835 --> 00:22:12,244 We're like, we're not allowed to talk about the kids. 549 00:22:12,275 --> 00:22:13,115 Oh, it was so hard 550 00:22:13,115 --> 00:22:17,015 Natalie: because that was our life, everything, kids and, and 551 00:22:17,015 --> 00:22:17,825 it was great. 552 00:22:17,845 --> 00:22:21,585 But really being intentional about when you're with your 553 00:22:21,595 --> 00:22:23,295 spouse of really. 554 00:22:23,454 --> 00:22:23,474 Yeah. 555 00:22:23,605 --> 00:22:25,904 Making that conversation about you too. 556 00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:26,585 Absolutely. 557 00:22:26,694 --> 00:22:27,775 I think it's super important. 558 00:22:27,815 --> 00:22:28,115 Yeah. 559 00:22:28,204 --> 00:22:29,045 Bryan: That's very much. 560 00:22:29,045 --> 00:22:31,474 And again, you're going to hear us say the very next one. 561 00:22:31,474 --> 00:22:32,005 What is it? 562 00:22:32,335 --> 00:22:34,505 Communication is the 563 00:22:34,515 --> 00:22:35,045 Natalie: key. 564 00:22:35,255 --> 00:22:36,015 You got to talk. 565 00:22:36,144 --> 00:22:38,724 If you're never around, it's kind of hard to set these 566 00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:43,009 boundaries, set these, what like discuss what quality time looks 567 00:22:43,009 --> 00:22:44,109 like for you, right? 568 00:22:44,619 --> 00:22:45,380 Bryan: Yeah, absolutely. 569 00:22:45,380 --> 00:22:48,059 And like there's, sometimes there's jobs that just take you 570 00:22:48,059 --> 00:22:49,970 out like RCMP or fire or EMT. 571 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,319 These are things that you, like those types of jobs that just 572 00:22:53,329 --> 00:22:56,000 like shift work, shift work, or yeah, shift work where you have 573 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,309 to intentionally. 574 00:22:57,325 --> 00:23:00,065 Balance your schedule so you get an hour and a half in the middle 575 00:23:00,065 --> 00:23:02,404 of the day while you come home from work and then they drop the 576 00:23:02,404 --> 00:23:04,184 kids off and come back for a bit and then they go to work and 577 00:23:04,184 --> 00:23:04,775 then you go to sleep. 578 00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:05,654 Like we get it. 579 00:23:05,664 --> 00:23:06,194 We understand. 580 00:23:06,194 --> 00:23:08,664 We're not saying, all I'm saying is that if you want your 581 00:23:08,664 --> 00:23:11,144 relationship to survive, you have to communicate your way 582 00:23:11,144 --> 00:23:11,464 through it. 583 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:17,900 And you have to, and in the case of you having a weird work life, 584 00:23:18,539 --> 00:23:18,640 so many 585 00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:22,069 Natalie: times I was working and you would be home, you would 586 00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:26,259 start dinner or you would clean up something weird hours or then 587 00:23:26,259 --> 00:23:31,680 when I was home you know, for the most part, I tried to have 588 00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:36,009 sort of it presentable and I succeeded at times and I didn't 589 00:23:36,059 --> 00:23:37,000 succeed at other times. 590 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,880 And, and it was one of those things where you just had to 591 00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:40,690 help. 592 00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:41,400 Bryan: Yeah. 593 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:41,630 Yeah. 594 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:42,460 And absolutely. 595 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:43,940 And which leads to the 596 00:23:44,019 --> 00:23:46,019 Natalie: very last learn how to ask for help too. 597 00:23:46,069 --> 00:23:46,220 Yeah. 598 00:23:46,220 --> 00:23:46,559 You weren't 599 00:23:46,569 --> 00:23:47,200 Bryan: very good at that. 600 00:23:47,250 --> 00:23:47,450 Yeah. 601 00:23:47,450 --> 00:23:48,490 You have, we have to share the love. 602 00:23:48,490 --> 00:23:51,609 I love how you angry vacuumed while giving me the eyeball 603 00:23:51,890 --> 00:23:52,119 like, 604 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,410 Natalie: Hey, you have you. 605 00:23:53,994 --> 00:23:57,644 Like we're a team and we have to share the responsibilities and 606 00:23:57,644 --> 00:24:00,694 what may have worked prior to us having kids might need a 607 00:24:01,194 --> 00:24:01,494 readjustment. 608 00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:01,934 Well, 609 00:24:02,204 --> 00:24:05,164 Bryan: and I would say every time you add a kid or you add a 610 00:24:05,164 --> 00:24:09,644 scenario or you add a, a new job position or a different time, or 611 00:24:09,644 --> 00:24:12,505 you had like, you have a lunch hour change from 12 to. 612 00:24:12,845 --> 00:24:14,904 Anytime you add anything, you just have to communicate about 613 00:24:14,904 --> 00:24:16,404 it and that's how you work through it. 614 00:24:16,644 --> 00:24:18,924 Which leads to this very, the very last thing, these four 615 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:21,194 things, setting boundaries, quality over quantity, 616 00:24:21,224 --> 00:24:23,035 communication will be the key. 617 00:24:23,214 --> 00:24:25,634 The very last one is you have to learn to share the 618 00:24:25,634 --> 00:24:26,625 responsibilities. 619 00:24:26,795 --> 00:24:27,125 Yes. 620 00:24:27,474 --> 00:24:31,285 And I, can I, can I make a comment to some men in the, in 621 00:24:31,295 --> 00:24:31,884 the world here? 622 00:24:32,474 --> 00:24:33,035 Get a grip. 623 00:24:34,194 --> 00:24:36,545 I don't say that because I'm trying to be a jerk, but it does 624 00:24:36,555 --> 00:24:37,125 get a grip. 625 00:24:37,164 --> 00:24:39,954 There are some guys out there that are like, well, no, that's 626 00:24:39,964 --> 00:24:40,605 her job. 627 00:24:41,035 --> 00:24:43,045 You, you helped make the kids. 628 00:24:43,849 --> 00:24:44,609 You're a part of it. 629 00:24:44,619 --> 00:24:45,900 You were there for the pregnancy. 630 00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:47,809 You were walking all the way through that. 631 00:24:48,079 --> 00:24:50,529 If your wife needs you to make breakfast one morning because 632 00:24:50,529 --> 00:24:52,519 she didn't sleep all night, get up off your butt and make 633 00:24:52,519 --> 00:24:53,059 breakfast. 634 00:24:53,579 --> 00:24:54,069 Natalie: Yeah. 635 00:24:54,119 --> 00:25:00,170 And I get most people's work is nine to five but five o'clock 636 00:25:00,170 --> 00:25:03,170 doesn't mean that you get to come home in my opinion and put 637 00:25:03,170 --> 00:25:05,759 your feet up on the couch and disengage from being present 638 00:25:05,759 --> 00:25:06,420 with your family. 639 00:25:06,430 --> 00:25:06,599 Yeah. 640 00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:09,269 Bryan: And, and I was that guy. 641 00:25:10,839 --> 00:25:13,539 Do you know why I can tell you to get a grip is because I was 642 00:25:13,539 --> 00:25:16,609 that dude and it just about crushed us because I would work 643 00:25:16,609 --> 00:25:18,869 and work and work and I'll come home, I wouldn't do anything 644 00:25:18,869 --> 00:25:19,400 with the kids. 645 00:25:19,849 --> 00:25:20,000 And, 646 00:25:20,130 --> 00:25:22,660 Natalie: and, and, you know, you talk about all the, all the 647 00:25:22,670 --> 00:25:23,519 consequences. 648 00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:26,619 You just like cha ching, cha ching, cha ching, like check, 649 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:27,690 check, check, check, check boxes. 650 00:25:28,099 --> 00:25:29,269 All of that suffers. 651 00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:33,009 In that mindset that you, that you had. 652 00:25:33,019 --> 00:25:33,250 So 653 00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:37,250 Bryan: we, we, we, we divide, here's, here's the fun thing I 654 00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:40,019 love about our relationship right now is that we've, we've 655 00:25:40,029 --> 00:25:42,670 always divided the jobs into, you probably heard this if 656 00:25:42,670 --> 00:25:44,279 you're listening to this pink jobs and blue jobs. 657 00:25:44,789 --> 00:25:45,099 Natalie: Yeah. 658 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:46,930 This is fairly recent, I guess. 659 00:25:47,029 --> 00:25:47,900 Well, in the 660 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:50,829 Bryan: last 10 years, we've done this for a long time as pink 661 00:25:50,829 --> 00:25:51,569 jobs and blue jobs. 662 00:25:52,029 --> 00:25:54,230 And there's just some things that Natalie just won't do. 663 00:25:54,230 --> 00:25:55,170 I hate doing. 664 00:25:55,299 --> 00:25:55,579 Yeah. 665 00:25:55,619 --> 00:25:56,779 Like mowing the lawn. 666 00:25:56,809 --> 00:25:57,890 She won't mow the lawn. 667 00:25:58,339 --> 00:25:58,410 That's true. 668 00:25:58,664 --> 00:25:58,894 I don't 669 00:25:59,105 --> 00:26:00,045 Natalie: mind mowing the lawn. 670 00:26:00,045 --> 00:26:01,005 I hate weeding. 671 00:26:01,575 --> 00:26:03,075 Bryan: Yeah, but you don't like mowing either. 672 00:26:03,075 --> 00:26:04,634 It's not that you're like, I don't mind it. 673 00:26:04,634 --> 00:26:08,035 It's just not, but there are certain things and I hate doing 674 00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:08,954 dishes, but. 675 00:26:09,575 --> 00:26:12,335 Natalie has mowed the lawn and I've done dishes. 676 00:26:12,394 --> 00:26:12,714 Yep. 677 00:26:13,605 --> 00:26:16,325 And, and here's the thing about this is that there were at this 678 00:26:16,325 --> 00:26:19,065 flow in life right now where I'm really enjoying cooking for 679 00:26:19,065 --> 00:26:19,714 whatever reason. 680 00:26:19,734 --> 00:26:21,055 And I welcome it. 681 00:26:21,065 --> 00:26:23,355 And Natalie is really enjoying me cooking. 682 00:26:23,424 --> 00:26:23,644 Yep. 683 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:24,154 Right. 684 00:26:24,414 --> 00:26:25,494 I don't cook as well. 685 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,779 I make some really, some things really well, but we've just 686 00:26:28,779 --> 00:26:32,920 found this, this new wave of like responsibilities because 687 00:26:32,930 --> 00:26:35,089 she's doing the school with the kids and I'm coming home from 688 00:26:35,089 --> 00:26:37,329 work and I go to the gym and come back, we make dinner and I 689 00:26:37,339 --> 00:26:38,190 have one of the kids help me. 690 00:26:38,190 --> 00:26:39,500 My oldest son loves to cook. 691 00:26:39,859 --> 00:26:42,299 My middle son makes amazing orange chicken. 692 00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:43,400 Like we have all these things. 693 00:26:43,410 --> 00:26:44,319 My daughter bakes. 694 00:26:44,529 --> 00:26:45,200 So yeah. 695 00:26:45,414 --> 00:26:48,634 But we're in this wave where the responsibilities that could be 696 00:26:48,634 --> 00:26:51,474 looked at as traditional, this should be a woman's job. 697 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:53,605 I am doing hogwash. 698 00:26:53,644 --> 00:26:56,795 I'm doing this happily because it benefits my family. 699 00:26:56,984 --> 00:26:58,085 Sometimes I'm grumpy. 700 00:26:58,134 --> 00:26:59,125 Like I'm like, I don't want to make 701 00:26:59,125 --> 00:26:59,674 Natalie: dinner right now. 702 00:27:00,184 --> 00:27:00,394 Yeah. 703 00:27:00,404 --> 00:27:02,375 I mean, I don't want to do some of the things I have 704 00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:03,410 Bryan: to do, right? 705 00:27:03,410 --> 00:27:05,450 But what I'm saying though, is that the shared 706 00:27:05,450 --> 00:27:08,470 responsibilities, if you've communicated with them, you 707 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,799 communicate them through, you set some boundaries in place and 708 00:27:10,799 --> 00:27:14,279 you, you actually have desired to have a good quality 709 00:27:14,279 --> 00:27:16,740 relationship with your wife, the shared responsibilities become 710 00:27:16,740 --> 00:27:17,059 natural. 711 00:27:17,059 --> 00:27:19,660 And I choose to do these things because it helps Natalie around 712 00:27:19,660 --> 00:27:21,619 the house and it benefits my kids when I cook. 713 00:27:21,650 --> 00:27:22,589 They get to eat that day. 714 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:23,329 And when we 715 00:27:23,329 --> 00:27:24,990 Natalie: cook together, that's quality time. 716 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:25,259 Yeah. 717 00:27:25,279 --> 00:27:25,599 We 718 00:27:25,839 --> 00:27:28,440 Bryan: really, so sometimes I'm just, I'm plugging into my 719 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,660 earphones, I'm listening to podcasts or listening to music 720 00:27:30,660 --> 00:27:31,049 as I'm cooking 721 00:27:31,069 --> 00:27:32,519 Natalie: or I'm listening to true crime. 722 00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:33,039 Yeah. 723 00:27:33,079 --> 00:27:33,940 But we're together 724 00:27:33,940 --> 00:27:34,089 Bryan: in the kitchen. 725 00:27:34,089 --> 00:27:37,069 This is Natalie relaxes by listening or watching a murder 726 00:27:37,069 --> 00:27:37,400 show. 727 00:27:37,460 --> 00:27:37,900 That's right. 728 00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:38,460 I don't understand. 729 00:27:39,690 --> 00:27:39,930 Yeah. 730 00:27:39,930 --> 00:27:42,380 There's, there's millions of these, these people out there. 731 00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:44,269 They're like, what did you do to relax over the weekend? 732 00:27:44,509 --> 00:27:46,579 I watched a crime documentary on murder. 733 00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:47,440 That's right. 734 00:27:48,809 --> 00:27:49,549 Oh man. 735 00:27:49,569 --> 00:27:49,819 Like. 736 00:27:49,819 --> 00:27:50,315 Yeah. 737 00:27:50,545 --> 00:27:53,174 So, again, I want to go through these four things so you, you 738 00:27:53,174 --> 00:27:53,734 remember them. 739 00:27:54,105 --> 00:27:56,295 If you have any questions or comments or you want to add one, 740 00:27:56,295 --> 00:27:58,355 please let us know, but it's setting boundaries. 741 00:27:58,595 --> 00:28:00,535 It's definitely quality over quantity. 742 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:04,454 It is communication is key and you want to be able to share the 743 00:28:04,454 --> 00:28:05,795 responsibilities around the house. 744 00:28:06,035 --> 00:28:06,244 Yep. 745 00:28:06,414 --> 00:28:10,285 Men don't think that you are exempt just cause you're a man. 746 00:28:12,654 --> 00:28:16,234 Mic drop or face punch. 747 00:28:16,275 --> 00:28:17,085 One of the two. 748 00:28:17,724 --> 00:28:19,875 I'm, I just, I, I struggle. 749 00:28:19,954 --> 00:28:24,660 I struggle with Cause that's a, that's an, that's an older style 750 00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:28,960 of, and it still works for some people because of the type of 751 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:29,579 jobs, right? 752 00:28:30,355 --> 00:28:32,714 If you were home all day and you didn't have to work, it would be 753 00:28:32,714 --> 00:28:33,085 different. 754 00:28:33,954 --> 00:28:34,384 Yeah. 755 00:28:34,615 --> 00:28:37,275 But it would be, you're working, you're working part time. 756 00:28:37,275 --> 00:28:40,805 So you can help Ben support this family because that's just what 757 00:28:40,815 --> 00:28:41,464 the, where we're at. 758 00:28:41,894 --> 00:28:45,934 But if you are available and you are able to help, there's 759 00:28:45,944 --> 00:28:48,365 nothing in you says you're not babysitting your kids. 760 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:49,944 You're taking care of your own kids. 761 00:28:49,944 --> 00:28:52,025 If you have to watch your own children, yes. 762 00:28:52,085 --> 00:28:55,404 When you're not grocery shopping for a year, like I'm going 763 00:28:55,404 --> 00:28:57,605 grocery shopping for my, just because I have to. 764 00:28:57,845 --> 00:28:59,765 You're doing it because you have a family that needs to eat, 765 00:29:00,345 --> 00:29:00,634 right? 766 00:29:00,674 --> 00:29:03,644 You are able to help through on these things and to walk through 767 00:29:03,644 --> 00:29:06,345 these things with your wife and, and know what's going on. 768 00:29:06,775 --> 00:29:10,085 Natalie: And if your kids are older, share some of the 769 00:29:10,085 --> 00:29:10,625 responsibility. 770 00:29:10,664 --> 00:29:11,765 Maybe you're a single parent. 771 00:29:12,595 --> 00:29:13,654 Get your kids involved. 772 00:29:13,654 --> 00:29:17,133 Our kids are involved in the shared responsibilities. 773 00:29:17,133 --> 00:29:19,741 Our kids are involved with like. 774 00:29:20,039 --> 00:29:23,269 The focus and the budgeting and all of that so that they know, 775 00:29:23,289 --> 00:29:26,000 like when I'm saying no, we're not doing that. 776 00:29:26,029 --> 00:29:27,240 It's not because I'm trying to be mean. 777 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:28,809 It's because we have a goal in mind. 778 00:29:28,829 --> 00:29:29,190 Yeah. 779 00:29:29,529 --> 00:29:29,920 Right. 780 00:29:29,970 --> 00:29:31,259 So get your kids involved. 781 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,849 Bryan: I really enjoyed this, this last two episodes. 782 00:29:33,849 --> 00:29:37,089 This was really good to see how it works out man. 783 00:29:37,089 --> 00:29:39,250 But every time we, we kind of were like, Oh, I think we should 784 00:29:39,259 --> 00:29:39,680 talk about this. 785 00:29:39,690 --> 00:29:40,589 Cause it's a real thing. 786 00:29:41,049 --> 00:29:42,920 I realized how much we struggled. 787 00:29:43,095 --> 00:29:44,644 In some areas and some, not so much. 788 00:29:44,664 --> 00:29:47,234 Natalie: And this is one of those areas where we still have 789 00:29:47,234 --> 00:29:47,894 not arrived. 790 00:29:49,085 --> 00:29:49,305 Bryan: It's 791 00:29:49,315 --> 00:29:51,335 Natalie: not gone as good as good as struggles. 792 00:29:51,335 --> 00:29:54,464 It was when we were younger, but we still have to be so 793 00:29:54,464 --> 00:29:54,994 intentional. 794 00:29:55,035 --> 00:29:55,255 Yeah, 795 00:29:55,295 --> 00:29:55,904 Bryan: absolutely. 796 00:29:56,255 --> 00:30:01,654 If you love amplified marriage podcast, you mean so much to us 797 00:30:01,654 --> 00:30:04,125 when you like it, when you share it, when you let people know 798 00:30:04,125 --> 00:30:07,744 about it, when you go onto iTunes and you let people know, 799 00:30:07,744 --> 00:30:10,619 and you leave us a review, you can follow us on Instagram and 800 00:30:10,619 --> 00:30:10,634 Facebook. 801 00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:11,265 If you. 802 00:30:11,369 --> 00:30:15,380 Have a topic or anything that you would love to discuss or a 803 00:30:15,380 --> 00:30:19,500 particular area that you would like us to lean into to focus in 804 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:19,890 on. 805 00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:23,730 We would love for you to email us again. 806 00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:26,990 You can talk to us on Instagram email us at amplified marriage 807 00:30:27,069 --> 00:30:28,069 at gmail. 808 00:30:28,069 --> 00:30:28,460 com. 809 00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:32,690 And as you hear us say every week, we believe that marriage 810 00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:35,559 can be reset, refreshed, recharged and restored. 811 00:30:35,630 --> 00:30:36,650 Thanks so much for listening. 812 00:30:36,650 --> 00:30:36,869 Talk 813 00:30:36,869 --> 00:30:37,539 Natalie: to you soon.