WEBVTT 00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:16.260 Welcome to part two of the work life balance amplified marriage podcast. 00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:32.280 We had a really great conversation last week, just about some struggles that we've had with work life balance over the years, and today we just want to finish this off with moving into from the imbalance that happens when you actually just choose a work over family. 00:00:32.280 --> 00:00:36.979 And then we want to go into some solutions and offer you up some ways that can, you can apply it to your own relationship. 00:00:47.070 --> 00:00:48.420 Welcome to Amplified Marriage. 00:00:48.450 --> 00:00:49.039 I'm Natalie. 00:00:49.090 --> 00:00:50.109 And I'm Brian. 00:00:50.219 --> 00:00:53.369 As you hear us say every podcast, grab a tea, grab a coffee and a snack. 00:00:53.369 --> 00:00:55.329 We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. 00:00:55.460 --> 00:00:57.020 Absolutely. 00:00:57.909 --> 00:00:58.350 Wow. 00:00:58.429 --> 00:01:09.659 I was having, I was thinking about the last week and just the, the ways that we've struggled over the years with work life balance. 00:01:09.700 --> 00:01:12.519 Like we've not done it very well. 00:01:12.519 --> 00:01:13.599 We've done it really poorly. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:16.849 And I know we had a conversation earlier just about. 00:01:16.944 --> 00:01:19.635 What does it mean when you, you come from nothing and you have something? 00:01:19.635 --> 00:01:23.734 Why do people struggle with work life balance and choose to have work over life? 00:01:23.754 --> 00:01:28.734 And the like, even in our own study, the reasons are like a myriad. 00:01:29.194 --> 00:01:32.284 There's so many different ways, reasons why people struggle. 00:01:32.519 --> 00:01:35.329 Or would choose work over family, right? 00:01:35.340 --> 00:01:38.670 And some of it is because like even in our own relationship, you didn't want to be around me. 00:01:38.670 --> 00:01:39.859 I didn't want to be around you. 00:01:39.890 --> 00:01:42.159 So I would rather work and then be at home. 00:01:42.579 --> 00:01:46.969 And then when the marriage was healthy, I felt this pressure to always provide more. 00:01:46.969 --> 00:01:49.359 So I would work more hours cause I'm like, we need to be able to pay rent. 00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:50.689 We need to be able to have food. 00:01:51.060 --> 00:01:52.689 You're pregnant now and now what? 00:01:53.260 --> 00:02:01.090 And I even thinking if, if the relation was relationship was healthy, it would, these things would be a struggle. 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:11.020 They would or they wouldn't, they would be like if, if I, we had a healthy relationship, but I was choosing to work all the time and we would watch the relationship deteriorate. 00:02:11.030 --> 00:02:11.590 Right. 00:02:11.889 --> 00:02:12.240 Right. 00:02:12.250 --> 00:02:15.069 Like how, how can these things be good? 00:02:15.389 --> 00:02:18.740 Like you could be listening to this podcast from wherever you are around the world. 00:02:19.270 --> 00:02:21.500 And be like, man, I got a really tight relationship with my wife. 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:33.120 But if you choose or your husband, but you choose to now dis to, to work more and be absent, your relationship will never be will, will you'll begin to see a deterioration over time? 00:02:33.639 --> 00:02:34.030 Yes. 00:02:34.210 --> 00:02:41.150 And for us in our own personal thing, like we came from nothing, we had like a real. 00:02:41.365 --> 00:02:47.965 poverty mindset and a real struggle with finances most of our married life. 00:02:48.314 --> 00:03:01.764 And the, the disillusion I think that we felt was coming from nothing and then all of a sudden having some, the tendency was, well, we never want to be without again. 00:03:01.794 --> 00:03:03.164 And so we will just work. 00:03:03.175 --> 00:03:05.254 And before we had kids, like I was working too. 00:03:05.294 --> 00:03:06.004 So, and. 00:03:06.629 --> 00:03:08.979 Remember, like opposite shifts to you. 00:03:09.689 --> 00:03:14.750 So we were already disconnected there and then, then working crazy hours to make. 00:03:14.805 --> 00:03:21.995 So that we would never have to be in that situation of wanting or lack again. 00:03:22.534 --> 00:03:24.675 And then we had kids and then I was home. 00:03:25.044 --> 00:03:41.145 And I think that with the added stresses of, you know, our communication issues and things, you really push the envelope of, well, now we have a child, so we're almost like the pendulum swinging the other way. 00:03:41.639 --> 00:03:46.099 Yeah, we're never like I have to work all of the time now because it's expensive. 00:03:46.409 --> 00:03:48.590 Yeah, which is fair, right? 00:03:48.610 --> 00:04:11.439 And that's a valid Concern and the thing with our situation was that it wasn't so obvious right the slip into the disconnect and the financial strain and the Like, yes, it was secure because you had a job and consistent wages coming in, but the security of like, you just not being there wasn't so obvious at the beginning. 00:04:11.530 --> 00:04:17.800 And quite frankly, like it was exciting at first with all of these extra hours and the money coming in and things like that. 00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:22.490 And it wasn't until, you know, there was a big issue that it kind of. 00:04:28.519 --> 00:04:39.449 And, and I would say that we're probably lucky that we were able to come out of that hole that we had dug ourself in not being present. 00:04:39.449 --> 00:04:40.629 A 00:04:40.629 --> 00:04:45.879 hundred percent, like I'm just contemplating and thinking back to it, even as we're talking about this. 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:46.230 Like. 00:04:46.855 --> 00:05:02.754 At that point even we didn't realize, and, and like, this is something we still battle with today is the work life balance and, you know, is more enough or too much or are we at what sacrifice? 00:05:02.954 --> 00:05:08.375 I think now that we have, even if we had no kids, we're still a family, you and I. 00:05:08.834 --> 00:05:10.675 And so at what cost? 00:05:11.615 --> 00:05:13.295 To our relationship. 00:05:13.295 --> 00:05:14.074 Is it worth it? 00:05:14.314 --> 00:05:14.625 Right. 00:05:14.685 --> 00:05:16.754 And I think that has to be the number one question. 00:05:16.985 --> 00:05:17.365 Yes. 00:05:17.365 --> 00:05:25.524 We need money to live and you know, we live in a very expensive city, much like probably everyone else here. 00:05:26.064 --> 00:05:29.324 So yeah, you need finances in order to survive. 00:05:29.384 --> 00:05:30.154 Yeah, that's right. 00:05:30.495 --> 00:05:32.204 But there has to be a balance. 00:05:32.464 --> 00:05:37.105 I mean, I cannot work seven days a week nonstop, right? 00:05:37.975 --> 00:05:38.464 It's not possible. 00:05:38.615 --> 00:05:40.435 We all need a time of recharge. 00:05:40.504 --> 00:05:40.685 I've 00:05:40.685 --> 00:05:41.024 tried that. 00:05:41.024 --> 00:05:42.084 It doesn't work very well. 00:05:42.105 --> 00:05:42.904 It doesn't work. 00:05:42.915 --> 00:05:55.375 Well, and I think like even what we're saying here is that the financial stress or the security or the stability of you working and bringing in money while that's good, there's a massive trade off between you and your family. 00:05:55.894 --> 00:05:56.504 A hundred percent. 00:05:56.545 --> 00:06:02.944 And I will take it even a step further because like you're a pastor and yes, I work part time. 00:06:03.365 --> 00:06:09.084 There was a time though when I wasn't working, we were in ministry, but you were the sole provider. 00:06:09.134 --> 00:06:09.375 Yeah. 00:06:09.625 --> 00:06:16.949 This can still have a detrimental impact to your family of like, I need to be at every single function. 00:06:16.990 --> 00:06:25.920 I need to be available for everyone else 24 seven because that seems to come with a job at the expense of your children. 00:06:25.959 --> 00:06:31.589 Yeah, that is so wrong on so many levels and we'll, we'll get to a solution for that later on. 00:06:31.620 --> 00:06:31.930 Right. 00:06:32.209 --> 00:06:33.680 And, and I would say that that. 00:06:34.504 --> 00:06:37.134 At that point it wasn't about finances. 00:06:37.524 --> 00:06:43.595 No that's like the, the, the family security of just having mom and or dad present. 00:06:43.704 --> 00:06:59.324 That way he had not, that had nothing to do with the finances, everything to do with the fact that I'm a pastor and I was just learning how to, to choose my battles and choose this, which things I fight for and which things I need my time immediately and which things Hey, I can, I can actually put off till next week. 00:06:59.855 --> 00:07:01.274 And there's been times where. 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:12.569 I was with my family and someone has said, Hey, I really want to, I need to talk to you about something, not telling me urgency, not giving me a, Hey, this is what's going on. 00:07:12.819 --> 00:07:14.100 And then you're getting blasted with it. 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:14.370 Lee. 00:07:14.370 --> 00:07:19.310 Well, you, you didn't, you didn't connect with me and I've, I felt like you didn't love me or a band. 00:07:19.310 --> 00:07:26.800 And so they're bringing up their baggage and their issues, but you didn't, all you said was, Hey, I want to have a chat with you about this item X. 00:07:27.019 --> 00:07:27.310 Yeah. 00:07:27.339 --> 00:07:28.300 But then me saying, well. 00:07:28.439 --> 00:07:32.860 Well, it's Friday and I'm, I'm actually right now when you're texting me, I'm with my family. 00:07:33.329 --> 00:07:38.209 And so I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be available until Monday cause we have a weekend plan with my kids. 00:07:38.750 --> 00:07:42.889 And so my wife and I are unavailable and that's, and now that's healthy. 00:07:42.889 --> 00:07:45.149 I probably wouldn't have said that two, three, four years 00:07:45.300 --> 00:07:45.509 ago. 00:07:45.819 --> 00:07:48.569 Like segues into it. 00:07:48.620 --> 00:07:50.939 There's a possibility of neglecting. 00:07:51.894 --> 00:07:52.214 Yeah. 00:07:52.504 --> 00:08:05.964 Your, your spouse, your children, your family, the needs that they're needing emotionally of you being present and not just in the room, but your focus is elsewhere, but in the room and your focus is on your, your family. 00:08:06.014 --> 00:08:06.264 Right. 00:08:06.264 --> 00:08:15.314 And, and how, how can I provide emotional or manly behavior, modeling manly behavior to my sons and to my daughter? 00:08:15.314 --> 00:08:18.475 This is what a good husband looks like, or a good father looks like. 00:08:19.345 --> 00:08:21.504 How can I model that to my kids if I'm never present? 00:08:22.264 --> 00:08:22.295 Right. 00:08:22.305 --> 00:08:22.725 That's very 00:08:22.725 --> 00:08:23.115 true. 00:08:23.415 --> 00:08:23.615 Like, 00:08:24.774 --> 00:08:33.125 like even what did, what did we say in the last episode is that the, your, there's no one in your job that's going to be like, that's going to up celebrate you working longer hours. 00:08:33.164 --> 00:08:33.955 That's right. 00:08:33.955 --> 00:08:33.965 Right. 00:08:33.965 --> 00:08:35.995 But your kids will remember you were absent. 00:08:36.085 --> 00:08:36.544 Exactly. 00:08:36.605 --> 00:08:36.894 Oh yeah. 00:08:36.894 --> 00:08:41.705 You were talking about, they won't necessarily remember what you purchased for them, but they will remember 00:08:41.774 --> 00:08:43.945 if I was present, right. 00:08:43.945 --> 00:08:47.315 And, and, but all of those things are at a cost. 00:08:47.315 --> 00:08:49.264 It's like, how can mean you. 00:08:49.700 --> 00:08:57.759 Like, even on a, on the kind of marriage sexual level, even have foreplay or even want to do that with each other or have sex or be intimate with each other. 00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:05.330 If I'm never present to even have that, like, and there's like foreplay on text is only good at foreplay is coming because we've been at home for a while. 00:09:05.610 --> 00:09:09.690 Like I've been with you and I've been able to emotionally connect with you face to face, eyeball to 00:09:09.690 --> 00:09:10.149 eyeball. 00:09:10.289 --> 00:09:10.720 Exactly. 00:09:10.740 --> 00:09:11.080 Right. 00:09:11.110 --> 00:09:12.649 I'm not married to my phone. 00:09:12.710 --> 00:09:13.210 Right. 00:09:13.370 --> 00:09:13.629 Right. 00:09:13.629 --> 00:09:14.909 You shouldn't be married to your phone. 00:09:14.919 --> 00:09:17.529 You should be married to, you know, your partner. 00:09:17.620 --> 00:09:17.649 Right. 00:09:19.095 --> 00:09:22.105 It makes it very challenging because there's a disconnect. 00:09:22.115 --> 00:09:22.325 Yeah. 00:09:22.715 --> 00:09:23.695 And yeah. 00:09:23.695 --> 00:09:29.465 And you end up there, can you, you get to the place where you neglect or sorry, where you resent. 00:09:29.965 --> 00:09:32.585 Like 100 percent because you're like, well, you're never here. 00:09:32.585 --> 00:09:35.875 So I'm just, might as well be single mom, which you've said numerous times. 00:09:35.875 --> 00:09:36.125 Yes. 00:09:36.304 --> 00:09:36.595 And 00:09:36.605 --> 00:09:48.764 you know, when one is filled with resentment, one resorts to childish antics and you know, it was like, well, you withheld, you withheld your presence of even wanting to be home. 00:09:49.195 --> 00:09:51.235 Then I'm withholding intimacy from you. 00:09:51.274 --> 00:09:51.475 Yeah. 00:09:52.345 --> 00:09:52.804 Right. 00:09:53.684 --> 00:09:54.164 That's unfair. 00:09:55.375 --> 00:09:57.215 But it's also on both on both counts. 00:09:57.215 --> 00:10:03.695 Yeah, I was gonna say it's unfair that I'm, I'm not home to provide for my wife, but I'm also, it's also unfair that she would do that. 00:10:03.754 --> 00:10:03.985 And then 00:10:03.985 --> 00:10:05.575 what happens when we're dissatisfied? 00:10:05.654 --> 00:10:05.884 Yeah. 00:10:05.950 --> 00:10:07.110 Right. 00:10:07.110 --> 00:10:11.009 That just opens the door for emotional affairs. 00:10:11.429 --> 00:10:13.159 It opens the door for physical affairs. 00:10:13.350 --> 00:10:13.700 Right. 00:10:14.049 --> 00:10:25.379 We've actually, we've met with some couples, some older couples that actually had earlier in their marriage had struggled with similar things that we had, and they've been married for 10, 10 or 14 years longer than we have. 00:10:25.965 --> 00:10:26.654 Something like that. 00:10:26.674 --> 00:10:31.335 But they said, and we asked, well, how they had, she had had an emotional affair. 00:10:31.794 --> 00:10:35.754 And I asked her, I said, how did you get to that place? 00:10:36.195 --> 00:10:37.355 And so how did you go there? 00:10:37.365 --> 00:10:41.144 Because the person that it was with was unlikely shouldn't have happened. 00:10:41.144 --> 00:10:46.725 And she's like, it just was one of those things is that they were present and the husband wasn't. 00:10:47.195 --> 00:10:52.384 The husband was not, it wasn't even working out of town and that's a whole different conversation. 00:10:52.904 --> 00:10:54.934 I've seen way too many marriages fail. 00:10:55.610 --> 00:10:59.700 Way too many because I'm going to be a mill right up. 00:11:00.205 --> 00:11:05.205 In the boonies and gone for three months out of the earth, nine, 10 months out of the year and never home. 00:11:05.315 --> 00:11:05.664 Yeah. 00:11:05.835 --> 00:11:09.304 And God knows what happens when you're gone and then those two anyway, that's a whole different thing. 00:11:09.304 --> 00:11:23.274 But this person wasn't even away, was just gone 10 or 12 hours a day, six, seven days a week and wasn't providing an emotional, a physical, a mental, a spiritual connection to her at all. 00:11:23.274 --> 00:11:24.014 And she's like, it just 00:11:24.014 --> 00:11:24.394 happened. 00:11:24.774 --> 00:11:25.404 That's right. 00:11:25.554 --> 00:11:29.914 And so if you think that you're exempt, no one is right. 00:11:29.955 --> 00:11:44.465 Like this is something that we ourselves need to be so aware of and, and fight against, you know, idle thoughts and your mind wanders and whatever else happens there. 00:11:44.725 --> 00:11:47.465 You need, you need to be super focused. 00:11:47.465 --> 00:11:48.995 You need to be aware of hate. 00:11:49.850 --> 00:12:06.110 You know, when, when we talk about like scripture saying, capture your thoughts, this is exactly what it's referring to, well, not probably the entirety of it, but that's a portion of what it's referring to of be careful that you are not. 00:12:06.129 --> 00:12:11.860 Get disengaged and, and then run with that, right? 00:12:11.909 --> 00:12:16.049 If you feel a disengagement, then you need to communicate, Hey, this isn't working. 00:12:16.049 --> 00:12:17.230 This is how I'm feeling. 00:12:17.490 --> 00:12:20.360 We need to come up with a solution so that we guard our marriage. 00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:21.649 Yeah, absolutely. 00:12:21.669 --> 00:12:22.909 And like. 00:12:25.139 --> 00:12:32.750 I think the understanding very clearly that no one is exempt from this is the moment that you get comfortable to go. 00:12:32.779 --> 00:12:41.509 That'll never happen to me is when the enemy will come in and swoop in with something where a man or a woman will be present that just provides you something a little bit different than the other. 00:12:42.139 --> 00:12:42.460 Right. 00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:44.059 Then so you just have to be really care. 00:12:44.059 --> 00:12:45.509 That's a whole different. 00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:47.070 Podcast to talk about that kind of stuff. 00:12:47.529 --> 00:12:49.190 And this one, this one's interesting. 00:12:49.210 --> 00:12:51.090 There's actually health impacts. 00:12:51.100 --> 00:12:53.440 You can have your health impacted because of overworking. 00:12:53.440 --> 00:12:57.879 Now I want to say this, it's one thing to. 00:12:58.264 --> 00:13:04.654 Develop a chronic issue because maybe there's a genetic thing or something happened to you got a bad batch of blood or when you did the transfer. 00:13:05.085 --> 00:13:11.595 It's one thing to end up with a chronic problem just based on like bad diet or or genetic or something like that. 00:13:11.605 --> 00:13:14.134 It's another thing to actually. 00:13:14.394 --> 00:13:22.634 End up with chronic problems in your body because you chose to work so much that your body was stressed out and you developed problems. 00:13:23.115 --> 00:13:35.754 That is all that is, that is to me is one of those crazy things that we've actually heard of happening that developed back problems, neck problems, stomach problems, stomach problems is common because remember the stress episodes we did, this is what happens. 00:13:35.754 --> 00:13:36.475 Pick your poison. 00:13:36.845 --> 00:13:38.955 This is what happens when you allow stress. 00:13:39.065 --> 00:13:42.684 To live in your body because your choose, you choose this. 00:13:42.894 --> 00:13:55.014 And I actually think now that I look back to this, I actually think there's a I wouldn't have said this before, but there's a greater stress in you or a greater responsibility when you choose the work over the family. 00:13:55.264 --> 00:14:00.995 That means there's an extra layer that you have that you've added, that you've added to yourself and you know it. 00:14:01.904 --> 00:14:04.024 You know it there's no way that you're like one day. 00:14:04.024 --> 00:14:08.274 Oh, I didn't know this was happening They didn't know you chose this you knew what might happen. 00:14:08.495 --> 00:14:12.695 It's not only do you have a physical issue There was a mental strain on there that you chose. 00:14:12.695 --> 00:14:12.784 I 00:14:12.815 --> 00:14:16.860 don't know that But you would necessarily know that this would happen. 00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:23.049 And I don't know that you would even recognize it was caused or potentially cause some of your issues. 00:14:23.090 --> 00:14:28.379 I think it, I think everyone thinks they're, that's a, that person, 00:14:28.549 --> 00:14:29.980 that I definitely get. 00:14:30.230 --> 00:14:36.929 But do you think, and this is just the question, do you think that in the modern time, if you have access to the internet. 00:14:37.394 --> 00:14:45.384 Instagram, Facebook, any kind of social media where influencers all over the place are talking about a work life balance and this, that, and the other thing. 00:14:45.695 --> 00:14:52.095 Do you think that anytime that someone's like, Oh, I didn't know that this would happen if I worked 90 to a hundred hours a week? 00:14:52.205 --> 00:14:52.424 So 00:14:52.465 --> 00:14:54.654 I propose the same thing back to you. 00:14:54.695 --> 00:15:01.065 If they're working so much, do they even have time to be? 00:15:01.445 --> 00:15:02.745 And I propose back to you. 00:15:04.215 --> 00:15:05.225 No, I get it. 00:15:05.225 --> 00:15:18.004 I understand it, but there's, there's no way that in modern, modern time with HR departments in these big corporations and like my boss pays attention to my time, just like I pay attention to his boss. 00:15:18.004 --> 00:15:18.825 You got to take time off. 00:15:18.865 --> 00:15:20.684 Pastor Brody, you got to go take time off. 00:15:20.684 --> 00:15:24.264 Like he's talking about it and then because he's such a responsible guy, he's like, I don't want to do it. 00:15:24.264 --> 00:15:25.384 I said, you need to go. 00:15:25.945 --> 00:15:30.075 It's just like he says to me, Brian, I will collude with your wife and I will make you go on holidays. 00:15:30.205 --> 00:15:31.154 Wrong word. 00:15:31.274 --> 00:15:31.815 Collude. 00:15:33.215 --> 00:15:33.715 Collude. 00:15:33.715 --> 00:15:34.018 Collude. 00:15:34.018 --> 00:15:34.320 Bye. 00:15:34.710 --> 00:15:35.450 It's a right word. 00:15:35.450 --> 00:15:38.539 It means when two people work together, what 00:15:38.539 --> 00:15:41.399 did you think? 00:15:41.399 --> 00:15:42.049 You are right. 00:15:42.059 --> 00:15:42.899 It is the right word. 00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:47.039 I'm thinking the other word you have an inappropriate, no, no, no, it wasn't inappropriate. 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:49.409 It was just like, that is probably not the right word. 00:15:49.419 --> 00:15:49.610 Yeah. 00:15:49.610 --> 00:15:52.440 When two people are working together to get someone else to do something. 00:15:52.860 --> 00:15:53.519 Scheming. 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:54.230 Scheming there. 00:15:54.230 --> 00:15:54.860 That's a good one. 00:15:54.860 --> 00:15:59.549 You and him will scheme to make sure I take my time off, which that's so important. 00:15:59.750 --> 00:16:00.100 It is. 00:16:00.139 --> 00:16:08.970 It, all those things are important, but I just feel like there's, there's impacts to me not choosing to go to the gym, right? 00:16:08.990 --> 00:16:14.610 Like there's impacts to me choosing to eat fast food over home cooked health food. 00:16:14.610 --> 00:16:19.120 There's impacts to me choosing to be a smoker versus a non smoker. 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.710 There's impacts to me choosing to be staying up 00:16:21.710 --> 00:16:23.600 all night video gaming instead of sleeping. 00:16:24.909 --> 00:16:25.360 Yes. 00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:30.159 I don't like that one because I want to play video games because I'm just a 45 year old child. 00:16:30.429 --> 00:16:36.370 But, but, you know, like there's always a choice in either one or the other there, there's, you have to make a choice. 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:41.379 And at some point, like there's times, and here's the thing, I want you to hear me who's listening to this. 00:16:41.389 --> 00:16:42.299 There are times. 00:16:42.934 --> 00:16:48.585 Where you have to work because something's going on, I deal with funerals and weddings. 00:16:49.414 --> 00:16:52.315 Both of them are inconvenient, right? 00:16:52.325 --> 00:17:01.075 Like the, both of them will like a, a wedding will take up two days of my, of my time with my family because of rehearsals, then the full day, then you're there at the reception. 00:17:01.504 --> 00:17:02.054 It's the whole thing. 00:17:02.054 --> 00:17:02.754 Funerals. 00:17:03.095 --> 00:17:07.805 Someone passes a week later, you got, you're planning a, you're planning a four hour service. 00:17:07.805 --> 00:17:11.795 You're spending hours of time with families, dealing with grief, dealing with planning, dealing with trying to set up. 00:17:11.869 --> 00:17:19.150 pictures and tech, all this stuff, trying to make families like pastor families to lead families through a really tough time. 00:17:19.490 --> 00:17:21.269 Those are times where you just have to work extra. 00:17:21.740 --> 00:17:22.509 Exactly. 00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:24.680 That's communicated. 00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:24.920 Yeah. 00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:26.039 That's a communicated thing. 00:17:26.049 --> 00:17:27.460 That's not the norm. 00:17:27.470 --> 00:17:27.720 Yeah. 00:17:27.799 --> 00:17:29.539 That's kind of the exception. 00:17:29.539 --> 00:17:36.599 I mean, yes, people get married and unfortunately you can't control when people pass away and that's just, it's never. 00:17:39.859 --> 00:17:52.250 But I will say if you are experiencing some health concerns, perhaps, and I, please go see your doctor, but perhaps take a look as we are not medical professionals and we would never give medical advice. 00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:52.890 But. 00:17:53.380 --> 00:18:02.519 Go see your doctor, but also take an evaluation of work life balance because perhaps it's a little bit off. 00:18:02.529 --> 00:18:04.240 So now we get to the fun part, the 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:04.809 strategies. 00:18:04.849 --> 00:18:06.079 I mean, we talk about this all the time. 00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.619 We're broken records, setting boundaries. 00:18:10.214 --> 00:18:11.474 Do we talk about boundaries often? 00:18:11.505 --> 00:18:11.744 We 00:18:11.744 --> 00:18:12.174 do. 00:18:12.184 --> 00:18:14.484 We talk about boundaries as much as we talk about communication. 00:18:14.484 --> 00:18:15.144 But you know what? 00:18:15.174 --> 00:18:27.295 It's something that we've had to learn the hard way on how to do it and then not feel bad or that it was like you're somehow mean for setting boundaries. 00:18:27.325 --> 00:18:27.634 No. 00:18:28.035 --> 00:18:35.805 If, if like we have to keep us on schedule, like with a podcast, it's scheduled in our calendar. 00:18:36.605 --> 00:18:37.414 It has to be. 00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:40.559 Otherwise, the tendency is like, Oh, I'm tired. 00:18:40.559 --> 00:18:42.309 We've had a long day or this, that, the other. 00:18:42.309 --> 00:18:51.559 And then it just tends to, to like, and we don't want it to like so when it comes to her, and this is also work, it takes thought, it takes planning. 00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:55.950 It takes like evaluating where we've been, what we want to talk about. 00:18:55.950 --> 00:19:09.480 Like it does take time to set boundaries and preferably set them like together so that you're on the same page or set them as a family so that everyone knows what everyone is doing. 00:19:10.859 --> 00:19:13.859 And when everyone's home and when everyone needs to be at things. 00:19:13.950 --> 00:19:14.200 Yeah. 00:19:14.509 --> 00:19:16.829 And I, and I liked it easy, but yeah. 00:19:16.829 --> 00:19:19.690 And I like how this, the the way we have read down is unplugging. 00:19:20.224 --> 00:19:28.855 We kind of unplug at like after work my phone goes into this is just something that I do it goes into automatic Do not stir mode at 8 o'clock every night. 00:19:29.055 --> 00:19:37.539 Actually, no, it's 7 now It's 7 7 or 8 every night it goes in and sometimes I didn't even notice it until Like, you just don't notice that it's gone. 00:19:37.539 --> 00:19:38.619 And that was intentional. 00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:41.569 And there's a few numbers that are allowed to get through. 00:19:41.569 --> 00:19:45.539 Like my family is able to get through my kids, my brother in law, my sister, my pastor. 00:19:45.769 --> 00:19:49.220 If I ever get a phone call from someone from my team, it's bad. 00:19:50.940 --> 00:19:53.140 In particular, if my pastor calls me at. 00:19:53.305 --> 00:20:00.184 at nine o'clock on a Friday night, something's gone wrong and we're about to be dealing with probably a funeral or something really severe. 00:20:00.644 --> 00:20:00.835 Right. 00:20:00.835 --> 00:20:03.714 And, but those are, those are the exceptions and that doesn't happen. 00:20:03.714 --> 00:20:10.105 But you have the ability to screen, to screen what is coming in and what, and what isn't. 00:20:10.424 --> 00:20:14.255 I have the privilege with my job where my laptop stays at work. 00:20:14.654 --> 00:20:29.404 So, when I log out at the end of the night and I close the laptop lid, I don't even think about work until I'm there the next morning and so, perhaps Cause that is something that if you have an office at home and you work from home, close it. 00:20:29.474 --> 00:20:30.944 Don't keep going back to it. 00:20:31.005 --> 00:20:38.694 And I don't have my work email set up on my phone, so I can't see anything coming in on my phone. 00:20:38.785 --> 00:20:39.605 Work related. 00:20:39.734 --> 00:20:39.934 Yeah. 00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:40.680 Right? 00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:44.539 So that's a, that's a check and balance that I've set in place for unplugging. 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:45.339 Absolutely. 00:20:45.390 --> 00:20:51.990 And the, the, so the first one for some of those strategies or goals for balancing out the work life balance to set boundaries. 00:20:51.990 --> 00:20:54.210 The next one is you want to have quality over quantity. 00:20:54.769 --> 00:21:00.940 You want quantity, but the reality of life with children, different events 00:21:00.940 --> 00:21:02.579 with each other 24 seven, 00:21:02.710 --> 00:21:04.700 you know, and I like her and she's awesome. 00:21:04.710 --> 00:21:06.109 Like Natalie's fun to be around. 00:21:06.750 --> 00:21:11.869 I would say almost all the time, but I still need time with your girls and anytime with the guys. 00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:12.160 Yeah. 00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:14.480 And I need time like on my own. 00:21:14.670 --> 00:21:24.940 But then when we do have specific things, we make sure that not, I don't mean just like you're sitting at home and we're watching a show or it's a little bit, we're just getting ready to go to bed and she's on her phone. 00:21:24.940 --> 00:21:26.184 I'm on my phone and we're just kind of just. 00:21:26.194 --> 00:21:29.825 Chilling out for a little bit and we're sending each other memes sitting on the couch together. 00:21:29.825 --> 00:21:30.744 Like we do that. 00:21:30.744 --> 00:21:31.164 That's fun. 00:21:31.174 --> 00:21:32.075 And I do that with the kids. 00:21:32.505 --> 00:21:34.765 I'm talking about, Hey, we have a date night plan. 00:21:35.055 --> 00:21:36.644 Let's make like date night plan is in. 00:21:36.644 --> 00:21:37.555 We, the kids are at youth. 00:21:37.565 --> 00:21:38.615 We're going to go for a couple hours. 00:21:38.684 --> 00:21:39.095 Exactly. 00:21:39.115 --> 00:21:42.894 We go shopping, we get a coffee or an ice cream and we just wander around and we talk. 00:21:42.904 --> 00:21:44.884 We make the best of the time that we have together. 00:21:45.045 --> 00:21:45.275 Yup. 00:21:45.305 --> 00:21:50.795 Even if it's 15 minutes, even it's 15 minutes and we have some, we have some planned time together date nights that are specific. 00:21:51.095 --> 00:21:53.714 We don't do those nearly enough and we're getting better at it. 00:21:54.214 --> 00:21:56.015 And you know, one of the things that. 00:21:56.575 --> 00:21:59.394 We've worked really hard and it was hard to do. 00:21:59.434 --> 00:22:06.015 I feel when the kids were smaller was when it was you and I intentional focused, we're on a date. 00:22:06.394 --> 00:22:08.565 It was so hard to not just talk about the kids. 00:22:08.964 --> 00:22:09.214 Yeah. 00:22:09.434 --> 00:22:09.565 I 00:22:09.565 --> 00:22:10.835 remember we used to bend. 00:22:10.835 --> 00:22:12.244 We're like, we're not allowed to talk about the kids. 00:22:12.275 --> 00:22:13.115 Oh, it was so hard 00:22:13.115 --> 00:22:17.825 because that was our life, everything, kids and, and it was great. 00:22:17.845 --> 00:22:23.295 But really being intentional about when you're with your spouse of really. 00:22:23.454 --> 00:22:23.474 Yeah. 00:22:23.605 --> 00:22:25.904 Making that conversation about you too. 00:22:25.944 --> 00:22:26.585 Absolutely. 00:22:26.694 --> 00:22:27.775 I think it's super important. 00:22:27.815 --> 00:22:28.115 Yeah. 00:22:28.204 --> 00:22:29.045 That's very much. 00:22:29.045 --> 00:22:31.474 And again, you're going to hear us say the very next one. 00:22:31.474 --> 00:22:32.005 What is it? 00:22:32.335 --> 00:22:34.505 Communication is the 00:22:34.515 --> 00:22:35.045 key. 00:22:35.255 --> 00:22:36.015 You got to talk. 00:22:36.144 --> 00:22:44.109 If you're never around, it's kind of hard to set these boundaries, set these, what like discuss what quality time looks like for you, right? 00:22:44.619 --> 00:22:45.380 Yeah, absolutely. 00:22:45.380 --> 00:22:49.970 And like there's, sometimes there's jobs that just take you out like RCMP or fire or EMT. 00:22:50.500 --> 00:22:57.309 These are things that you, like those types of jobs that just like shift work, shift work, or yeah, shift work where you have to intentionally. 00:22:57.325 --> 00:23:04.775 Balance your schedule so you get an hour and a half in the middle of the day while you come home from work and then they drop the kids off and come back for a bit and then they go to work and then you go to sleep. 00:23:04.984 --> 00:23:05.654 Like we get it. 00:23:05.664 --> 00:23:06.194 We understand. 00:23:06.194 --> 00:23:11.464 We're not saying, all I'm saying is that if you want your relationship to survive, you have to communicate your way through it. 00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:18.640 And you have to, and in the case of you having a weird work life, so many 00:23:18.930 --> 00:23:37.000 times I was working and you would be home, you would start dinner or you would clean up something weird hours or then when I was home you know, for the most part, I tried to have sort of it presentable and I succeeded at times and I didn't succeed at other times. 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:40.690 And, and it was one of those things where you just had to help. 00:23:40.690 --> 00:23:41.400 Yeah. 00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:41.630 Yeah. 00:23:41.700 --> 00:23:42.460 And absolutely. 00:23:42.500 --> 00:23:43.940 And which leads to the 00:23:44.019 --> 00:23:46.019 very last learn how to ask for help too. 00:23:46.069 --> 00:23:46.220 Yeah. 00:23:46.220 --> 00:23:46.559 You weren't 00:23:46.569 --> 00:23:47.200 very good at that. 00:23:47.250 --> 00:23:47.450 Yeah. 00:23:47.450 --> 00:23:48.490 You have, we have to share the love. 00:23:48.490 --> 00:23:52.119 I love how you angry vacuumed while giving me the eyeball like, 00:23:52.119 --> 00:23:53.410 Hey, you have you. 00:23:53.994 --> 00:24:01.494 Like we're a team and we have to share the responsibilities and what may have worked prior to us having kids might need a readjustment. 00:24:01.575 --> 00:24:01.934 Well, 00:24:02.204 --> 00:24:12.505 and I would say every time you add a kid or you add a scenario or you add a, a new job position or a different time, or you had like, you have a lunch hour change from 12 to. 00:24:12.845 --> 00:24:16.404 Anytime you add anything, you just have to communicate about it and that's how you work through it. 00:24:16.644 --> 00:24:23.035 Which leads to this very, the very last thing, these four things, setting boundaries, quality over quantity, communication will be the key. 00:24:23.214 --> 00:24:26.625 The very last one is you have to learn to share the responsibilities. 00:24:26.795 --> 00:24:27.125 Yes. 00:24:27.474 --> 00:24:31.884 And I, can I, can I make a comment to some men in the, in the world here? 00:24:32.474 --> 00:24:33.035 Get a grip. 00:24:34.194 --> 00:24:37.125 I don't say that because I'm trying to be a jerk, but it does get a grip. 00:24:37.164 --> 00:24:40.605 There are some guys out there that are like, well, no, that's her job. 00:24:41.035 --> 00:24:43.045 You, you helped make the kids. 00:24:43.849 --> 00:24:44.609 You're a part of it. 00:24:44.619 --> 00:24:45.900 You were there for the pregnancy. 00:24:46.220 --> 00:24:47.809