WEBVTT 00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.709 Picture this. 00:00:01.979 --> 00:00:04.769 You pull up the latest viral story on your phone. 00:00:05.070 --> 00:00:12.140 Maybe it's a celebrity caught in a social media feud or a politician whose private messages expose deeply held secrets. 00:00:12.460 --> 00:00:14.800 We devour these stories with a morbid fascination. 00:00:14.880 --> 00:00:18.359 There's a fall from grace, there's exposure, there's a public outcry. 00:00:18.769 --> 00:00:21.460 It's a stark reminder that privacy is a precious thing. 00:00:21.785 --> 00:00:24.804 And that a lack of boundaries can have devastating consequences. 00:00:43.115 --> 00:00:45.195 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 00:00:45.234 --> 00:00:45.965 I'm Natalie. 00:00:46.134 --> 00:00:46.664 I'm Brian. 00:00:46.914 --> 00:00:54.405 You hear us say this every podcast, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, grab a coffee, grab a tea, a snack, some popcorn, cozy blanket. 00:00:54.585 --> 00:00:56.975 We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. 00:00:57.465 --> 00:00:58.784 Absolutely. 00:00:58.784 --> 00:01:07.909 Today we are actually going back to a that we've discussed briefly, briefly discussed. 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:22.609 We had two episodes in our very first season a long time ago, uh, on boundaries in particular, and we're going to be discussing, uh, today, a deeper dive into boundaries and going a lot further and the different types. 00:01:22.609 --> 00:01:29.120 So we talked about physical and emotional, um, And we want to get really deep into this'cause we have some topics coming up. 00:01:29.209 --> 00:01:39.260 We have, uh, some counselors that we're gonna be bringing on onto the, the episode or our, sorry, onto the podcast just to have a chat with us about boundaries in regarding children, um, moving forward. 00:01:39.260 --> 00:01:40.849 So we have some really good things going on. 00:01:40.849 --> 00:01:42.019 We have been away. 00:01:42.409 --> 00:01:45.620 Uh, I know it's been a long time since we've had a podcast, but we've January. 00:01:45.795 --> 00:01:46.084 Yeah. 00:01:47.810 --> 00:01:48.230 Yeah. 00:01:48.230 --> 00:01:50.444 We, uh, we had a 00:01:50.444 --> 00:01:50.765 lot happen. 00:01:51.034 --> 00:01:52.805 Yeah, we had a lot happen. 00:01:53.564 --> 00:01:53.784 So. 00:01:54.685 --> 00:01:59.034 Right after our last podcast, the end of January, 00:01:59.234 --> 00:02:00.534 near the end of January, we were getting ready. 00:02:01.155 --> 00:02:03.694 The week that we would have recorded, we would, we had 00:02:03.694 --> 00:02:04.905 to put our dog down. 00:02:04.905 --> 00:02:10.455 So if you're a dog person, we had a golden retriever. 00:02:10.465 --> 00:02:11.495 Her name is Molly. 00:02:12.344 --> 00:02:15.634 And, uh, she just had a really aggressive nasal cancer. 00:02:15.664 --> 00:02:27.534 And so the prognosis was quite grim, actually, by the time that we had found out, um, he, she was supposed to have been gone long before she did. 00:02:27.865 --> 00:02:34.675 And so I'm so grateful to God for answering our prayers and the kids prayers for sustaining her over Christmas. 00:02:35.275 --> 00:02:36.935 That was kind of the big thing was. 00:02:37.620 --> 00:02:39.289 Please let her not die over Christmas. 00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:39.569 Yeah. 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:44.319 And, and I didn't want her to die here because that's just traumatizing. 00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:44.419 So, 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:51.289 and then in the middle of all that, um, we had right after that happened, the play, we had to play. 00:02:51.469 --> 00:02:52.819 You went to Mexico before the play. 00:02:52.819 --> 00:02:53.020 That's 00:02:53.020 --> 00:02:53.259 right. 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:54.979 I had to go to Mexico. 00:02:54.979 --> 00:03:00.349 We have about 10 churches in Mexico that our church in Canada has planted over the last 30 years. 00:03:00.349 --> 00:03:03.620 And so, um, my lead pastor and I had to go down and make a trip to Mexico. 00:03:03.659 --> 00:03:05.810 just to connect with all the pastors after COVID. 00:03:06.180 --> 00:03:13.289 And then we had the play come up, which is two weeks of just consistent every evening, every day, all day it's intense. 00:03:13.289 --> 00:03:24.120 And so, uh, with six performances or five performances and then tech week before that, and then church, and then we got into Easter and baptisms and it's just been a really busy time, but we're back. 00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:24.469 Yes. 00:03:25.580 --> 00:03:26.169 Oh my word. 00:03:26.520 --> 00:03:29.289 Long story short, we've had a lot go on in the last two months. 00:03:31.004 --> 00:03:38.675 And we, I didn't want to know that Brian as well, just don't want to put out content for the sake of shoot our week is here. 00:03:38.675 --> 00:03:45.865 We really want to make sure that we spend some time thinking about it, talking it through, praying about it so that it's. 00:03:46.335 --> 00:03:49.205 It's, um, valuable to you listeners. 00:03:49.264 --> 00:03:51.955 So in a nutshell, 00:03:52.675 --> 00:03:59.014 that's been the last of well, so we want to talk about, uh, boundaries and marriages and boundaries and relationships. 00:03:59.014 --> 00:04:08.405 And some of the things we're going to be talking about today are going to be tools in your toolbox that we will be good for more than just your marriage. 00:04:09.055 --> 00:04:13.335 But we are going to focus on the marriage cause we're a relationship podcast and that's where we want to go with this. 00:04:13.395 --> 00:04:26.009 And so, um, There is a reason that there are boundaries and there's a reason that there's a thousand books on boundaries, Christian books, non Christian books that there is just so much content. 00:04:26.009 --> 00:04:27.560 There's about boundaries. 00:04:27.569 --> 00:04:36.759 There's a reason because what the one person who doesn't want a healthy boundary is the one that struggles with boundaries. 00:04:37.550 --> 00:04:38.129 I would agree. 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:54.290 The one that wants to put a boundary on it generally is doing it for good reasons, like healthy reasons and less trying or at least trying to, there is such thing as, as unhealthy manipulative boundaries that people are putting in place to get to control you, to get you to do certain things. 00:04:54.290 --> 00:04:55.740 But that's not where we want to go today. 00:04:55.740 --> 00:05:00.660 Today we want to talk about healthy marriages need to have boundaries and healthy boundaries. 00:05:00.660 --> 00:05:03.860 And the reason being is that those will protect the relationship. 00:05:04.490 --> 00:05:04.519 Okay. 00:05:04.529 --> 00:05:07.750 So they'll protect the well being of the, of the marriage. 00:05:07.750 --> 00:05:11.709 They'll protect the connection to each other and that connection to your children. 00:05:11.709 --> 00:05:12.709 If you happen to have children, 00:05:12.769 --> 00:05:13.389 exactly. 00:05:13.389 --> 00:05:15.350 I think about it like you're building a fence 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:15.990 right 00:05:16.220 --> 00:05:25.170 around your house, and it's not You To shut myself out from whatever's beyond the fence. 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:25.379 Yeah. 00:05:25.910 --> 00:05:30.050 But it really is to define my personal space. 00:05:30.230 --> 00:05:30.379 Yeah. 00:05:31.220 --> 00:05:40.209 Um, and it's up to me to decide what I choose to let in and who I choose to let in and who and what I choose to keep out. 00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:40.750 Right. 00:05:41.189 --> 00:05:43.740 And if you like, if you look at any. 00:05:44.110 --> 00:05:47.300 Um, type of where you're going to grow the most. 00:05:47.310 --> 00:05:53.800 There's stability, there's, there's, uh, security, there's a direction you need to go. 00:05:53.899 --> 00:06:04.000 So boundaries, they really are there to just help you grow and they help you change and they help you do that within the safety of the specific rules, specific parameters. 00:06:04.259 --> 00:06:04.980 Exactly. 00:06:04.990 --> 00:06:05.259 Right. 00:06:05.259 --> 00:06:05.709 And so I just 00:06:05.709 --> 00:06:06.000 thought of this. 00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:13.680 It's, it's like, you know, when you're in a garden and there, there are weeds and weeds will grow anywhere. 00:06:13.790 --> 00:06:13.949 Yeah. 00:06:13.949 --> 00:06:14.170 Right. 00:06:14.170 --> 00:06:14.470 Right. 00:06:14.500 --> 00:06:18.959 Toxic people, unhealthy people will be everywhere in surrounding us in our lives. 00:06:20.420 --> 00:06:29.189 We and they will definitely choke out the good growth and the good progress and the good decisions that you're making if you're not careful. 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:29.689 Right. 00:06:29.699 --> 00:06:37.709 So when we think of boundaries, we're essentially doing a weeding of our own, um, 00:06:39.569 --> 00:06:40.050 Right. 00:06:40.370 --> 00:06:42.410 And we'll get into sort of, we'll break it down. 00:06:42.519 --> 00:06:43.449 I hope that made sense. 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:44.389 It does make sense. 00:06:44.810 --> 00:06:45.470 Absolutely. 00:06:45.779 --> 00:06:53.319 And so you're looking at like, we, there, this is the way that, um, I've been using it the last a while is that boundaries are like guardrails on a mountain road. 00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:56.569 They prevent you from creating off course during the tough times. 00:06:57.110 --> 00:07:02.399 Like we live in a mountainous region and I, there's one section. 00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:08.225 And Um, where there's, um, what are they called vineyards? 00:07:08.264 --> 00:07:09.204 Oh my Lord. 00:07:09.204 --> 00:07:10.225 I didn't know what you were trying to say. 00:07:10.225 --> 00:07:10.555 So I couldn't help you, 00:07:11.225 --> 00:07:13.175 uh, up on a ridge 00:07:13.175 --> 00:07:14.055 and 00:07:14.055 --> 00:07:16.165 the road to get there is a little sketchy. 00:07:17.845 --> 00:07:20.194 Part of it has somewhat of a guardrail. 00:07:20.654 --> 00:07:27.415 And when you think like you're climbing the mountain, doing switchbacks on the road and it's literally one lane up, one lane down and it's really narrow. 00:07:27.415 --> 00:07:32.834 There is a huge section where there is absolutely no protection from the edge. 00:07:33.139 --> 00:07:33.769 Yes. 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:36.199 And it is so incredibly nerve wracking. 00:07:36.259 --> 00:07:43.980 It doesn't matter how many times I drive it, I'm, it's scary and I'm holding my breath for part of it because there are no guardrails. 00:07:44.980 --> 00:07:48.379 I really learned to appreciate the roads that have the guardrails. 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:49.480 Yeah. 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:55.805 You're, you're also the person that as I'm driving and I get near, uh, Uh, a truck that has logs on the back. 00:07:55.805 --> 00:07:57.605 They are like, Brian, speed up, Brian, Brian, speed up. 00:07:57.605 --> 00:07:58.264 I don't want to be next. 00:07:58.264 --> 00:07:58.545 Brian, speed up. 00:07:58.545 --> 00:07:58.904 Well, 00:07:58.904 --> 00:07:59.814 I don't like it. 00:07:59.814 --> 00:08:01.814 I know you don't like it behind a semi truck. 00:08:01.814 --> 00:08:03.504 I don't like being beside a semi truck. 00:08:03.875 --> 00:08:04.105 I know. 00:08:04.105 --> 00:08:08.675 It's really funny because I'm moving, I'm actually moving quickly, but you're still like, no, no, no, we can't be here. 00:08:09.004 --> 00:08:09.615 Exactly. 00:08:09.615 --> 00:08:13.704 We're, I'm creating boundaries between myself and unsafe situations. 00:08:13.884 --> 00:08:14.814 I, do you see what I did there? 00:08:14.824 --> 00:08:15.845 I see what you did there. 00:08:16.254 --> 00:08:16.464 Right. 00:08:16.464 --> 00:08:19.714 And so we, there are different types of boundaries. 00:08:19.714 --> 00:08:20.795 You want to start going through them? 00:08:20.795 --> 00:08:20.855 Yeah. 00:08:21.540 --> 00:08:22.180 Sure. 00:08:22.230 --> 00:08:27.579 I mean, as we're going through the list, we might forget one or we might not have even thought of one. 00:08:27.660 --> 00:08:32.769 So if you're hearing us go through this and you're like, gosh, they didn't talk about this. 00:08:33.490 --> 00:08:36.100 Uh, please let us know because this is not, 00:08:36.700 --> 00:08:38.320 so here's, here's, here's the thing. 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:40.509 We want to lay the foundation for these. 00:08:40.519 --> 00:08:42.879 These are some, some, the types of boundaries. 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:46.730 The reason for the boundaries is because they provide guardrails, but they also help you to. 00:08:46.730 --> 00:08:46.750 Okay. 00:08:47.000 --> 00:08:53.350 Cultivate, uh, a relationship of trust, of love, of care, of maturity, stability, security. 00:08:53.620 --> 00:08:56.970 Um, all of those things, those things are important in the relationship. 00:08:56.970 --> 00:08:58.159 And so that's what a boundary does. 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:03.659 A boundary isn't to manipulate control to, to get them to do what you want. 00:09:03.889 --> 00:09:05.620 And we'll talk about that some as we move forward. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:09.830 And, and just a precursor, some of these ones. 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:20.100 Oh, like as we were going through them really felt like they needed to be a separate or not a separate, but like we needed to create a podcast specifically on certain ones. 00:09:20.509 --> 00:09:23.240 So, uh, we'll let you know about that. 00:09:23.259 --> 00:09:23.529 All right. 00:09:23.529 --> 00:09:25.629 First one, physical boundaries. 00:09:26.710 --> 00:09:27.000 Yeah. 00:09:27.460 --> 00:09:29.929 So, I mean, you might be like, well, what is that? 00:09:30.539 --> 00:09:42.585 That is essentially respecting personal space and, uh, being comfortable, my being able to articulate my comfort in, you know, Um, how you're touching me, physical touch plays a part of it. 00:09:42.955 --> 00:09:51.375 It's not just, you know, we do the five love languages and physical touch and everyone just assumes that that just means sexual contact and, uh, it doesn't. 00:09:51.565 --> 00:09:51.754 Yeah. 00:09:51.754 --> 00:10:04.585 It's funny because as soon as you mentioned intimacy anywhere, they're all, they mean sex because I really a hundred percent believe that the world has taken what God created for good sex, which is between men and women to be good and healthy and whole. 00:10:04.784 --> 00:10:05.095 Yeah. 00:10:05.115 --> 00:10:05.264 He 00:10:05.264 --> 00:10:07.815 took that and the world's perverted it to mean. 00:10:08.110 --> 00:10:12.200 But the only way you can emotionally, intimately connect with someone else is through sex. 00:10:12.210 --> 00:10:17.080 Sex is a bonus, but there's definitely more to intimacy than just sex. 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:17.600 That's right. 00:10:18.029 --> 00:10:19.860 And so public displays of affection. 00:10:19.870 --> 00:10:22.019 So when we talk about it, we're talking about it. 00:10:22.029 --> 00:10:22.139 We 00:10:22.139 --> 00:10:23.159 talk about physical boundaries. 00:10:23.159 --> 00:10:28.840 We're talking about, I'm a physical person in my environment and you are a physical person in your environment. 00:10:28.860 --> 00:10:31.549 And how do we, how do we connect? 00:10:31.929 --> 00:10:31.950 Yeah. 00:10:31.950 --> 00:10:33.299 You make it sound so boring. 00:10:33.330 --> 00:10:34.759 Public displays of affection. 00:10:34.809 --> 00:10:36.039 I mean, there are boundaries there. 00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:36.659 There are. 00:10:36.659 --> 00:10:36.715 There are. 00:10:36.985 --> 00:10:42.235 Um, you know, not everywhere is appropriate to display public displays, right? 00:10:42.264 --> 00:10:54.315 And I say that because, you know, if you're traveling, not just for you to, um, be comfortable with your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend. 00:10:54.860 --> 00:11:03.169 In a public area, but also, um, translates to like, if you're traveling, there are certain countries that prohibit certain public displays of affection. 00:11:03.190 --> 00:11:07.700 Some people are PDA people and some people aren't PDA people and you need to discuss that with each other. 00:11:07.720 --> 00:11:16.340 But yes, communicating your level of comfort, comfort when it comes to public displays of affection and regarding your personal space, 00:11:17.649 --> 00:11:18.480 emotional boundaries. 00:11:19.664 --> 00:11:30.034 Emotional boundaries, communicating your feelings, um, well, openly while respecting each other, uh, and respecting each other's emotional needs. 00:11:30.294 --> 00:11:30.715 Yeah. 00:11:30.855 --> 00:11:31.225 Right. 00:11:31.325 --> 00:11:32.294 I'm not responsible. 00:11:32.325 --> 00:11:36.184 You're not responsible for your partner's happiness, right? 00:11:36.865 --> 00:11:38.745 Uh, that might seem. 00:11:39.110 --> 00:11:41.340 Mind blowing to some people. 00:11:41.909 --> 00:11:45.409 Yeah, well, especially like, do you remember the movie Jerry Maguire? 00:11:45.799 --> 00:11:46.210 Yes. 00:11:47.429 --> 00:11:50.269 When that movie came out, Jerry Maguire is like, you complete me. 00:11:50.350 --> 00:11:58.590 No, there's not one person in the whole world that will completely, will they make you a little more App to enjoy things. 00:11:58.590 --> 00:12:00.799 They, they can finish your sentences. 00:12:01.090 --> 00:12:03.179 They think the same way you do in certain things. 00:12:03.179 --> 00:12:07.250 And yet there's no way that there's one person in the whole world that completely you will complete you. 00:12:07.860 --> 00:12:11.590 And then there was this whole culture built or I remember saying the mean Natalie joking around. 00:12:11.590 --> 00:12:12.500 We were early dating. 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:13.669 Oh, you complete me. 00:12:13.669 --> 00:12:13.960 Like. 00:12:14.455 --> 00:12:15.554 It's such a weird thing. 00:12:15.554 --> 00:12:16.115 And then it's the 00:12:16.115 --> 00:12:16.794 love goggles. 00:12:16.995 --> 00:12:19.924 Do you want to be responsible for another person's happiness based on your behavior? 00:12:19.945 --> 00:12:20.985 Cause that's really what it is. 00:12:21.424 --> 00:12:31.215 If I'm responsible for your happiness, that means my behavior cannot trigger you, offend you, uh, hurt you, uh, even poke you in any way, shape, or form. 00:12:32.804 --> 00:12:34.085 And I'm responsible for that. 00:12:34.085 --> 00:12:40.205 That means I would spend so much time trying to control my behavior to make you happy that I would never, I would be unhappy. 00:12:40.514 --> 00:12:41.225 That's right. 00:12:41.394 --> 00:12:43.085 Speaking of controlling one's behavior. 00:12:43.970 --> 00:12:50.659 You have to be so incredibly mindful that everyone expresses emotion differently. 00:12:51.759 --> 00:13:00.240 And your relationship should be a safe space for you to express that emotion, however it needs to come out. 00:13:00.519 --> 00:13:04.659 I need to express my emotion and if I keep it in, it's volatile. 00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:06.159 I have to let it out. 00:13:06.340 --> 00:13:10.330 And now there's also an air of responsibility on how I choose to let that out. 00:13:11.269 --> 00:13:16.269 Um, but I have to, not that I need your permission. 00:13:17.075 --> 00:13:27.945 Um, to release that, but there has to be an understanding of just because you don't process emotion the same way I do doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to. 00:13:28.725 --> 00:13:30.615 Oh, that's, that's a really good point. 00:13:30.654 --> 00:13:30.754 We 00:13:30.754 --> 00:13:32.024 talk about emotional boundaries. 00:13:32.044 --> 00:13:39.965 It is not sequestering someone's need to emotional event or like an emotional output. 00:13:40.215 --> 00:13:40.554 Right. 00:13:40.774 --> 00:13:45.225 I, so here's, here's the thing is that like I would, uh, would compare to this. 00:13:45.225 --> 00:13:51.565 I know a couple been in my life that are quite emotional, like emotional as in they, they are emotionally 00:13:51.565 --> 00:13:51.804 in tune. 00:13:52.455 --> 00:13:53.495 Well, they're emotionally in tune. 00:13:53.495 --> 00:13:54.644 I actually really think they do. 00:13:54.644 --> 00:14:00.605 They're really emotionally in tune with themselves, but they're also really, um, like outwardly expressive with their emotions, right? 00:14:00.605 --> 00:14:04.184 Like a guy I know will hear a song and it'll just hit him in his heart. 00:14:04.184 --> 00:14:05.664 And he's a, he's, this is the thing. 00:14:06.004 --> 00:14:11.335 He's an expressive manly guy, like, and he's super manly, but he's expressive on the outside. 00:14:11.684 --> 00:14:14.544 And so that's not how I express emotion. 00:14:14.625 --> 00:14:15.065 Right, 00:14:15.144 --> 00:14:15.495 right. 00:14:15.595 --> 00:14:16.695 But that's how he does. 00:14:16.754 --> 00:14:17.024 Right. 00:14:17.065 --> 00:14:18.424 And if I expected him to. 00:14:19.095 --> 00:14:25.605 If he expected me to do what he was going to do, and I was expecting him to do how I express emotion, we would both just be choked. 00:14:26.024 --> 00:14:35.875 And it's the same thing in our marriages is that Natalie like totally expresses her, the, the anger or the frustration or the, whatever's happening, 00:14:36.164 --> 00:14:37.205 sadness, whatever, 00:14:37.284 --> 00:14:38.725 it completely different than I will. 00:14:38.764 --> 00:14:43.985 And I can't, I can't have the expectation that you do it the same way that I do because my way is just completely different. 00:14:44.215 --> 00:14:46.345 And for many years it was like that. 00:14:46.384 --> 00:14:49.355 Yeah, we were expecting each other to, the love languages. 00:14:49.355 --> 00:14:49.695 Yeah. 00:14:49.695 --> 00:14:53.054 And I was expecting him like, gosh, you're stone cold. 00:14:53.054 --> 00:14:54.615 And you're just, right. 00:14:54.615 --> 00:14:55.985 You're so hard. 00:14:55.985 --> 00:14:56.575 You still joke around 00:14:56.585 --> 00:15:01.945 like that, but it's not, it's not that I'm emotionless at all. 00:15:01.955 --> 00:15:04.284 Like I feel things just as deep as the next guy. 00:15:04.465 --> 00:15:04.754 Right. 00:15:04.764 --> 00:15:06.315 You're just not as open about it. 00:15:06.355 --> 00:15:13.019 What was, what was you, but I'm also like, Um, I don't need to process the same way that you do. 00:15:13.070 --> 00:15:13.559 That's right. 00:15:13.740 --> 00:15:18.309 You are open with me about your feelings, but you just don't express it. 00:15:18.370 --> 00:15:18.950 Well, and I'm 00:15:19.320 --> 00:15:19.570 yeah. 00:15:19.570 --> 00:15:19.769 Right. 00:15:19.769 --> 00:15:23.539 And I'm also not going to, um, let the emotions control me. 00:15:24.009 --> 00:15:26.070 And so I logically think my way through things, 00:15:26.490 --> 00:15:27.070 right? 00:15:28.820 --> 00:15:30.860 As an emotional outputter. 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:38.169 Um, that doesn't mean that we're not or that we're allowing our emotions to control us because we are processing them outwardly. 00:15:38.740 --> 00:15:43.250 So I just needed to say that, um, because I know I'm not alone. 00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:47.519 I'm not saying this, but anyone else I'm saying for me, I just don't, yeah, there's some things that, yeah. 00:15:47.870 --> 00:15:48.309 Okay. 00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:50.039 The next one is social boundaries. 00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:52.720 And this includes social media boundaries. 00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:55.190 This is our life now is social media. 00:15:55.889 --> 00:15:56.360 Absolutely. 00:15:56.370 --> 00:15:58.379 It's a, it's an interesting, 00:15:59.570 --> 00:16:02.370 so we think of social boundaries are social settings. 00:16:02.379 --> 00:16:04.710 So this is our friends, our family, right? 00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:09.950 Um, like extended family in laws, that whole gamut. 00:16:09.980 --> 00:16:14.679 And then the social media element of it is what am I choosing to. 00:16:14.929 --> 00:16:15.250 Yep. 00:16:15.320 --> 00:16:16.049 Let in. 00:16:16.059 --> 00:16:19.970 Remember we talked about this fence around our, our house scenario. 00:16:19.970 --> 00:16:24.529 What am I choosing to engage in on social media? 00:16:24.590 --> 00:16:24.820 Yep. 00:16:25.554 --> 00:16:26.965 Are these healthy, 00:16:27.054 --> 00:16:27.625 right? 00:16:27.754 --> 00:16:28.014 Yeah. 00:16:28.465 --> 00:16:28.894 Right. 00:16:28.945 --> 00:16:38.004 And so I think setting boundaries with, you know, communications on social media, because you know, um, we were talking about this earlier. 00:16:38.004 --> 00:16:43.865 What you put out there is out there and you might delete it and think, whew, it's gone. 00:16:43.995 --> 00:16:44.754 It ain't gone. 00:16:45.855 --> 00:16:46.455 It's not gone. 00:16:46.595 --> 00:16:46.855 Yeah. 00:16:46.914 --> 00:16:50.235 It can be, um, retracted. 00:16:50.460 --> 00:16:50.710 Yeah. 00:16:50.769 --> 00:16:51.580 Is that the right word? 00:16:52.320 --> 00:17:15.765 So I think making sure that, you know, with the intro that Brian was saying about, about these scenarios that celebrities and politicians and people who are just out there on social media have, um, and in social settings can be really detrimental if you do not have strict boundaries in place for, you know, 00:17:16.555 --> 00:17:16.865 Yep. 00:17:17.345 --> 00:17:17.914 Absolutely. 00:17:17.914 --> 00:17:18.184 I agree. 00:17:18.724 --> 00:17:24.015 And we have something in our house too, where our kids that are under 18, we're allowed to look at their phone whenever they want. 00:17:24.424 --> 00:17:29.204 Natalie has access to my phone, my emails, my church email, anything that she needs at any time. 00:17:29.585 --> 00:17:32.775 And, and it's not that she doesn't trust me and it's not that I don't trust her. 00:17:33.164 --> 00:17:39.944 It's because I don't want to give her any reason to doubt or to have shade cast. 00:17:40.464 --> 00:17:40.934 Right. 00:17:41.035 --> 00:17:41.335 Right. 00:17:43.734 --> 00:18:02.174 I use my phone a lot and, and I'm not out looking at weird, gross, scandalous, whatever things, but I'm also aware what are they, if they're like, Oh mom, I don't, you know, what was, um, you know, on Instagram or whatever. 00:18:02.174 --> 00:18:04.875 And they opened my Instagram and it's just a bunch of crap on there. 00:18:06.025 --> 00:18:07.875 I also am mindful of that. 00:18:07.875 --> 00:18:08.325 Right. 00:18:08.325 --> 00:18:08.714 Right. 00:18:08.765 --> 00:18:10.904 So like making sure that. 00:18:10.970 --> 00:18:17.009 Um, what I'm choosing to take in on a social media element is appropriate. 00:18:18.009 --> 00:18:18.569 Absolutely. 00:18:18.569 --> 00:18:21.069 And so going from social, we go to financial boundaries. 00:18:21.140 --> 00:18:30.000 Well, did we talk about just, I mean, I know we really focused on the social media part, but just the social boundaries of really making sure that you have things in place. 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:42.119 And we talked about this at Christmas time when it was, um, dealing with family and the expectations of, um, your space and invading that space, really making sure that the people, whether they're family. 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:54.940 Um, or not healthy boundaries as far as like, no, and, and if you have that relationship where your family can just come and waltz in whenever they please and, and then good on you. 00:18:55.460 --> 00:19:00.009 Um, uh, we don't, and, uh, we won't, right. 00:19:00.190 --> 00:19:06.289 And though we have an excellent relationship with, um, Brian's family, there's still respect, right? 00:19:06.289 --> 00:19:06.940 For our boundaries. 00:19:06.980 --> 00:19:07.309 Yeah. 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:13.500 So social boundaries, moving on to financial boundaries, uh, we're creating budgets, you're discussing the spending habits. 00:19:13.500 --> 00:19:16.559 There's oftentimes in a relationship, a spender and a saver. 00:19:16.890 --> 00:19:21.210 Um, and you want to decide, decide as much as you can at a time. 00:19:21.210 --> 00:19:25.869 And it's interesting cause there's two, two of the main reasons that people get divorced. 00:19:26.335 --> 00:19:28.775 are finances and lack of communication. 00:19:29.204 --> 00:19:37.164 It's funny because it's a lack of communication about finances that leads to the fact that they're not communicating, so they end up getting divorced because they're not talking about that. 00:19:37.585 --> 00:19:37.845 And sex 00:19:38.384 --> 00:19:39.394 is the third one, just saying. 00:19:39.414 --> 00:19:43.204 Yeah, well, and I'm 100 percent sure that those stats have probably changed by now. 00:19:43.559 --> 00:19:47.680 Uh, things of this different, but the financial boundaries, you need to communicate about your boundaries. 00:19:47.730 --> 00:19:48.150 Yes. 00:19:48.250 --> 00:19:57.180 And, um, if you have addictive patterns in regarding to finances, right where, um, 00:19:57.210 --> 00:20:00.049 you're going to get married and he has 30, 000 in credit card that you didn't know about. 00:20:00.099 --> 00:20:00.839 Exactly. 00:20:00.839 --> 00:20:01.089 Right. 00:20:01.089 --> 00:20:02.730 You need to really talk about that. 00:20:02.730 --> 00:20:03.539 Student loan debts. 00:20:03.539 --> 00:20:03.980 Yeah. 00:20:03.980 --> 00:20:06.470 Yeah. 00:20:06.470 --> 00:20:06.869 Right. 00:20:06.910 --> 00:20:08.059 Like a weed problem. 00:20:08.059 --> 00:20:12.170 You're just spending a hundred dollars a week on, on smoking weed or cigarettes or cigars or 00:20:12.180 --> 00:20:12.490 right. 00:20:12.529 --> 00:20:23.319 So these are huge, um, issues and then some financial, uh, struggles end up coming later on such as fertility issues and things like that. 00:20:23.329 --> 00:20:25.259 And so you can't plan. 00:20:26.345 --> 00:20:31.394 Well, I mean, I would plan worst case scenario, but I don't think I'm the norm population. 00:20:31.454 --> 00:20:41.825 I think the majority of people plan for the future, but they don't take every single thing that could go wrong into, into consideration when they're doing so. 00:20:41.855 --> 00:20:42.095 Right. 00:20:42.505 --> 00:20:47.434 So, I mean, we do, uh, a zero based budget. 00:20:48.055 --> 00:20:59.224 So our money is allotted to, Specific areas, um, and we have it all listed and, um, we work out of that. 00:20:59.424 --> 00:21:13.204 So we work within our two week paychecks and we categorize and we organize where the money goes and like, this is how much we have for groceries and this is for gas and this is for this and that and the other. 00:21:13.674 --> 00:21:15.914 And um, that's it. 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:18.390 The rest, you know, is credit card debt and their savings. 00:21:18.420 --> 00:21:22.559 And that's it for the next paid till the next pay period. 00:21:22.940 --> 00:21:23.160 Right. 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:28.210 So, um, we haven't always done a zero based budget. 00:21:28.230 --> 00:21:36.279 We have tried multiple different things and hopefully this will stick and this will, you know, kind of work, but ever evolving. 00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:36.789 Right, 00:21:36.900 --> 00:21:37.210 right. 00:21:37.210 --> 00:21:38.500 We have to be talking about it. 00:21:38.589 --> 00:21:41.849 So financial boundaries moving on to. 00:21:42.414 --> 00:21:47.035 And our next one is going to be talking about setting and maintaining these boundaries. 00:21:47.325 --> 00:21:55.244 What we're going to do, um, is we're going to move, and this is going to end up being two, because I feel like the, the next, this is going to be two episodes. 00:21:55.244 --> 00:22:01.295 So the next one is going to be on the three that we're looking to talk about is communication, sexual boundaries, and spiritual boundaries. 00:22:01.744 --> 00:22:04.984 And those are really important and we don't want to, Move too quickly. 00:22:05.095 --> 00:22:05.424 Right. 00:22:05.494 --> 00:22:10.355 And so we're just going to talk about maintaining and take a few minutes here and just talk about how we set some of these boundaries. 00:22:10.355 --> 00:22:14.924 So Natalie, how would we set a really good boundary in, in, in a marriage? 00:22:14.924 --> 00:22:15.375 What have we done? 00:22:15.375 --> 00:22:15.555 I mean, I 00:22:15.555 --> 00:22:24.005 feel like we sound like a broken record, but open communication and we honestly had to learn how to communicate properly. 00:22:24.035 --> 00:22:24.414 Right. 00:22:24.815 --> 00:22:27.174 Um, and we tried all different kinds of methods. 00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:30.690 Um, if you've been a long time listener, um, that didn't work. 00:22:31.240 --> 00:22:35.039 So we had to one, um, just be honest. 00:22:36.589 --> 00:22:40.200 You can't, you can't do without honesty, right? 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:43.660 We don't have all the answers. 00:22:43.750 --> 00:22:52.119 We don't have all the right language or lingo to be able to express ourselves perfectly every single time. 00:22:52.460 --> 00:22:56.049 But one thing that we've aimed to be is clear. 00:22:56.930 --> 00:23:02.390 And direct and clearly state the Y. 00:23:02.670 --> 00:23:03.009 Yeah, 00:23:03.250 --> 00:23:04.079 to the boundary. 00:23:04.089 --> 00:23:05.210 Yeah, absolutely. 00:23:05.369 --> 00:23:05.740 Right. 00:23:05.779 --> 00:23:07.829 And being as clear as we can. 00:23:07.829 --> 00:23:18.589 And there's nothing wrong with asking for Um, clarification and we have, it just avoids, um, an argument potentially later on down the road. 00:23:18.619 --> 00:23:19.990 It avoids mixed messages, 00:23:20.259 --> 00:23:24.329 which is a good, it's a good tool to have in your tool belt anyway. 00:23:24.329 --> 00:23:34.119 And then in communication with your friends, like, um, when I'm having a discussion with my friend, Nathan, we'll be talking about like theology or we'll talk about how we hate this movie or whatever it happens to be. 00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:35.779 We're sitting around talking and he'd be like, no, no, no. 00:23:36.039 --> 00:23:37.059 What do you mean by that? 00:23:37.569 --> 00:23:39.390 Like, I don't understand what you meant by that. 00:23:40.009 --> 00:23:53.569 Or like even identifying the feeling like, Hey, you, it sounds like you're being frustrated to say, and then it gives you an open and a question to ask like, Hey, this is the thing that I'm feeling right now. 00:23:53.950 --> 00:23:56.940 And you're like, Oh, well he, he or she is like, I see that. 00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:57.500 I could say that. 00:23:57.500 --> 00:23:58.690 And if not, it sounds like you're mad. 00:23:59.244 --> 00:24:00.085