1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,326 Speaker 1: Picture this you're on the couch, each wearing 2 00:00:03,347 --> 00:00:06,623 sweatpants, at a Seem Better Days, when your spouse decides 3 00:00:06,703 --> 00:00:09,731 to wordlessly plop down, half on your lap, half on the armrest, 4 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,987 like a cat who only pretends to be aloof. 5 00:00:11,987 --> 00:00:16,120 There's not a hint of smooching or dramatic violin music, just 6 00:00:16,201 --> 00:00:18,868 two people content to squish together until someone's foot 7 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:19,310 goes numb. 8 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:23,990 This kind of low-key closeness is the backbone of marital bliss 9 00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:27,570 Part cozy blanket, part strategic weight distribution 10 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,288 and entirely essential to surviving the daily adventures 11 00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:34,328 of tax forms, grocery lists, children and learning how to 12 00:00:34,408 --> 00:00:36,901 fold a fitted sheet without bursting into tears. 13 00:00:53,536 --> 00:00:55,439 Speaker 2: Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 14 00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:56,039 I'm Natalie. 15 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:56,539 Speaker 1: I'm Brian. 16 00:00:56,719 --> 00:00:58,424 Speaker 2: Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, as you 17 00:00:58,445 --> 00:01:01,332 hear us say every podcast get comfy, cozy, grab a coffee and a 18 00:01:01,332 --> 00:01:01,551 tea. 19 00:01:01,551 --> 00:01:06,441 We're so glad you joined us for our chat today cozy, grab a 20 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:07,123 coffee and a tea. 21 00:01:07,143 --> 00:01:08,146 Speaker 1: We're so glad you joined us for our chat today. 22 00:01:08,146 --> 00:01:09,990 It has been a few moons since we've posted another episode of 23 00:01:10,031 --> 00:01:11,837 this particular podcast that's right. 24 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:15,364 Speaker 2: In case you forgot, we are in the seven pillars of 25 00:01:15,504 --> 00:01:18,028 intimacy series and we managed. 26 00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:20,394 This is number two wow, wow. 27 00:01:20,534 --> 00:01:22,483 Speaker 1: We have had an exceptionally challenging year 28 00:01:22,924 --> 00:01:24,126 and we are back. 29 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:28,034 We we have a plan all the way till the end of whenever this is 30 00:01:28,034 --> 00:01:30,927 over, but we're so excited to be back and to be talking about 31 00:01:30,986 --> 00:01:32,691 a few topics. 32 00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:34,305 We are right into our what is it? 33 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:36,210 Six pillars, seven pillars, six pillars. 34 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,888 Speaker 2: I think it's six or seven pillars of intimacy. 35 00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:39,911 We're here for a little bit. 36 00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:43,304 Speaker 1: We're here for the six pillars of intimacy, and the 37 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,087 first one that we had on the first week was all about 38 00:01:46,126 --> 00:01:46,968 emotional intimacy. 39 00:01:47,147 --> 00:01:49,069 Speaker 2: Yes, so if you missed that one, please go check that 40 00:01:49,129 --> 00:01:49,370 one out. 41 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,492 Speaker 1: Absolutely, and we just want to say a happy new 42 00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:51,673 year. 43 00:01:51,673 --> 00:01:53,194 Happy new year to all. 44 00:01:53,194 --> 00:01:54,897 It is the new year, it is 2025. 45 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:56,766 Speaker 2: I'm very excited for this year. 46 00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:59,307 I'm glad 2024 is over. 47 00:01:59,507 --> 00:02:01,019 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, and we're looking forward to this 48 00:02:01,061 --> 00:02:01,221 year. 49 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:04,182 So we are on to pillar number two. 50 00:02:04,462 --> 00:02:04,683 Speaker 2: Yes. 51 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:10,646 And I'm going to say If it wasn't obvious in the intro. 52 00:02:10,646 --> 00:02:13,168 I don't know, maybe it wasn't obvious. 53 00:02:14,128 --> 00:02:17,550 Speaker 1: Maybe, but we're going to talk about physical 54 00:02:17,631 --> 00:02:19,512 intimacy, but we're not talking about sex. 55 00:02:19,512 --> 00:02:24,715 That's right For all of you listening because you saw 56 00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:26,817 physical intimacy you're like sad. 57 00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:32,585 Yeah, that'll be the very last pillar, but we need to build on 58 00:02:32,604 --> 00:02:34,235 these other five pillars before we get to the sex pillar right, 59 00:02:35,319 --> 00:02:36,305 the sex or the sixth. 60 00:02:36,586 --> 00:02:38,687 whichever, sex or sixth whichever one we're going to do, 61 00:02:38,687 --> 00:02:44,066 and so we just want to start with just defining what physical 62 00:02:44,066 --> 00:02:45,570 intimacy is without sex. 63 00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:49,084 So you are aware of where we're coming from and why this is so 64 00:02:49,123 --> 00:02:54,240 important in a married couple Very much important in a married 65 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:54,580 couple. 66 00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:57,147 So it's not just, it's much, like we said in our intro, it's 67 00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:58,962 just those little things that actually make the difference, 68 00:02:58,983 --> 00:02:59,787 that connect two people. 69 00:02:59,787 --> 00:03:03,723 So when we define this, it is intimacy beyond just sex. 70 00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:09,217 It's important that non-physical intimacy will build and foster 71 00:03:09,598 --> 00:03:12,145 and create emotional and relational bonds between you and 72 00:03:12,145 --> 00:03:12,866 your partner. 73 00:03:13,207 --> 00:03:13,729 Speaker 2: That's right. 74 00:03:14,752 --> 00:03:14,913 Speaker 1: Right. 75 00:03:16,985 --> 00:03:20,962 Speaker 2: And it's like I just had a thought we've we're kind 76 00:03:21,002 --> 00:03:28,423 of like in the process of starting a marriage I don't know 77 00:03:28,423 --> 00:03:31,674 what you'd be ministry, but where we had a conference and it 78 00:03:31,674 --> 00:03:33,479 was friendship, it was on friendship. 79 00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,524 Because, honestly like. 80 00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:36,349 This is where this falls into. 81 00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:42,783 Beyond a physically intimate relationship, these are the 82 00:03:42,824 --> 00:03:46,879 foundational pieces of building a friendship of the non-sexual 83 00:03:47,039 --> 00:03:48,665 touch Right. 84 00:03:48,665 --> 00:03:50,110 So this is super important. 85 00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:53,282 This is what's going to carry you through those times when 86 00:03:53,502 --> 00:03:56,195 there isn't as much physical intimacy or maybe there's a time 87 00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:57,640 where there is no physical intimacy. 88 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,986 This is what you're going to draw from when looking at your 89 00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:03,427 spouse. 90 00:04:03,927 --> 00:04:07,171 Speaker 1: Right and we just want to set the stage for this 91 00:04:09,474 --> 00:04:10,336 Physical intimacy. 92 00:04:10,336 --> 00:04:15,883 I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone who 93 00:04:15,943 --> 00:04:18,644 just didn't want to touch and it's not like I'm a super touchy 94 00:04:18,644 --> 00:04:18,886 guy. 95 00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:22,341 Speaker 2: No, when we talk about love languages, physical 96 00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:24,348 touch for both of us is at the bottom. 97 00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:26,687 It's at the bottom with, I think, gift giving. 98 00:04:27,490 --> 00:04:32,845 Speaker 1: Right, I'm not a super touchy guy, but we do 99 00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:36,833 realize that we hold hands, we kiss, we hug, especially because 100 00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:37,274 we have kids. 101 00:04:37,274 --> 00:04:39,307 They need to see that mom and dad actually love each other. 102 00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:43,264 And it goes beyond just saying I love you and then pat on the 103 00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:45,821 shoulder like a robot, I love you. 104 00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:46,925 Uh, and then pat on the shoulder like a robot, I love 105 00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:47,487 you, and then you walk away. 106 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,012 It's so much more than that, and so when we talk about this, 107 00:04:49,132 --> 00:04:53,208 it's like it, it this kind of touch, it nurtures and it builds 108 00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:53,750 it. 109 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:56,238 Speaker 2: There's value in that connection that's right and 110 00:04:56,298 --> 00:05:02,088 it's being intentional every day but it's also like uh, um, it 111 00:05:02,288 --> 00:05:03,771 builds love and trust. 112 00:05:03,851 --> 00:05:07,665 Speaker 1: So say we take, for instance, when your dad passed 113 00:05:07,685 --> 00:05:10,766 away a few years ago, the first thing you did when you heard the 114 00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:15,285 news was come into, like you came to me and we hugged, we 115 00:05:15,324 --> 00:05:16,309 talked, we prayed it out. 116 00:05:16,309 --> 00:05:19,083 But you wouldn't have felt that kind of trust or love or 117 00:05:19,103 --> 00:05:21,382 connection had we not built that relationship in a place where 118 00:05:21,502 --> 00:05:22,646 there's a tragedy that happened. 119 00:05:22,646 --> 00:05:23,649 Where do I go to? 120 00:05:23,649 --> 00:05:29,725 Well, I can go to my partner right away, immediately, right, 121 00:05:29,745 --> 00:05:29,987 that's right. 122 00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:31,190 And then so these things actually build, uh, build bonds 123 00:05:31,211 --> 00:05:32,014 between each other and we. 124 00:05:32,014 --> 00:05:34,041 We love to talk about this one here we've talked about with our 125 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:36,817 kids and we talk about sex with our kids and relationships as 126 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,581 they get older and those kind of things. 127 00:05:38,601 --> 00:05:41,026 But the role that you're if you probably have heard of this 128 00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:45,401 called oxytocin, the love hormone bonding hormone it's the 129 00:05:45,401 --> 00:05:50,178 bonding one, and so now you're emotionally and spiritually and 130 00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:52,410 mentally connected with someone when you begin that love bonding 131 00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:54,439 , and so much more so when you start having sex. 132 00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:58,410 Yes, but that ox, that love hormone like there's we're going 133 00:05:58,410 --> 00:06:00,663 to get to in a little bit, but the psychological benefits of 134 00:06:00,723 --> 00:06:03,307 actually just touching and hugging are so incredibly 135 00:06:03,348 --> 00:06:03,649 important. 136 00:06:03,649 --> 00:06:06,134 Between, uh, between that can't . 137 00:06:06,134 --> 00:06:06,975 Let's get this straight. 138 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:10,103 There's no way I'm going to my buddy, nathan, and hugging him 139 00:06:10,122 --> 00:06:13,411 for 20 seconds I mean read the room. 140 00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:17,442 Yeah, this okay when we say this specifically to you listeners 141 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:21,250 this is between you and your spouse that's right not you, and 142 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:24,875 and I mean if your best friend is is up for that, like if I was 143 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,524 , I'm pretty sure Nathan would just punch me out and be like 144 00:06:26,543 --> 00:06:26,704 dude. 145 00:06:26,704 --> 00:06:27,367 What are you doing? 146 00:06:27,747 --> 00:06:31,910 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's an acceptable time of sort of 147 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:32,490 lingering. 148 00:06:32,711 --> 00:06:34,747 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's an acceptable time living. 149 00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:37,829 But look, the psychological benefits of the intimacy are so 150 00:06:37,889 --> 00:06:40,067 big they're like they actually will reduce stress. 151 00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:42,165 Speaker 2: Right, so if you're stressed, hug more. 152 00:06:43,288 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're stressed, hug more. 153 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,144 Yeah, if you're stressed hey, I'm stressed right now I think 154 00:06:47,163 --> 00:06:47,605 we should hug more. 155 00:06:47,605 --> 00:06:48,668 All right, but it reduces stress. 156 00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:51,482 There's increased, like they've done tests where they've put 157 00:06:51,502 --> 00:06:54,209 the electrodes on people and they've done the test of the 158 00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:55,100 brain as they've done. 159 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,466 This kind of connection, it strengthens relationships, it 160 00:06:57,507 --> 00:07:00,641 brings up, uh, feelings of happiness, and so there's so 161 00:07:00,723 --> 00:07:03,927 much power in just hugging and holding hands and connecting. 162 00:07:03,927 --> 00:07:08,134 Exactly Without it leading to sex, to sex Right. 163 00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:08,555 Speaker 2: Right. 164 00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:10,125 So this is not well. 165 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:14,079 I'm going to do all of these things in hopes that right. 166 00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:18,728 And sometimes it does when, like the non, you have no 167 00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:20,211 intentions of it going there. 168 00:07:20,211 --> 00:07:21,874 And then it does and that's great. 169 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,949 Speaker 1: But more often than not we're talking about where it 170 00:07:25,949 --> 00:07:29,487 doesn't lead to that, but it's just it's bonding the two of you 171 00:07:29,487 --> 00:07:36,367 so then I mean that also being said too, like sometimes we want 172 00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:40,454 it to go that way and our body responds that way, right, like 173 00:07:40,774 --> 00:07:43,223 you know, like it just does. 174 00:07:43,223 --> 00:07:47,632 There's hormonal responses when a dude sees or touches right. 175 00:07:47,973 --> 00:07:51,084 Speaker 2: That's right, but there's also some self-control 176 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:57,867 that is needed, because more often for us that's not the 177 00:07:57,908 --> 00:07:58,769 first thing on our minds. 178 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:03,153 Speaker 1: No, and it's not that it's not the first thing on our 179 00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:03,333 mind. 180 00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:06,944 It's not the first thing on our mind, but there's always a hope 181 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,230 that, hey, we get to do this, we get to have sex. 182 00:08:09,391 --> 00:08:09,791 Speaker 2: That's right. 183 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,747 Speaker 1: But we're talking about building the importance of 184 00:08:11,747 --> 00:08:14,267 it, like holding hands while you're just hanging around or 185 00:08:14,288 --> 00:08:14,829 you're watching TV. 186 00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:18,168 Speaker 2: Well, back to what we said at the beginning. 187 00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:23,923 What happens when something happens Right and there isn't 188 00:08:24,524 --> 00:08:28,894 the ability in certain times to be physically intimate, right? 189 00:08:28,894 --> 00:08:32,028 Where do you draw feeling connected with your spouse? 190 00:08:32,551 --> 00:08:32,691 Speaker 1: from. 191 00:08:33,322 --> 00:08:36,946 Speaker 2: It's from these foundations and if you create or 192 00:08:36,946 --> 00:08:38,471 build a relationship. 193 00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:42,591 Speaker 1: This is why couples that have sex early, early on, 194 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,484 statistically have a lower chance of succeeding in 195 00:08:45,543 --> 00:08:48,849 long-term relationships and marriages, because they give 196 00:08:48,889 --> 00:08:52,355 away that part, which is an incredibly important part. 197 00:08:52,355 --> 00:08:55,046 But they give away that part long before they've actually 198 00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:57,211 established the oxytocin, the love hormone, exactly. 199 00:08:57,211 --> 00:08:58,784 They're just letting it go whenever. 200 00:08:58,784 --> 00:09:01,765 Now we're just having sex, now we're connected all the time and 201 00:09:01,765 --> 00:09:04,482 so Just physically, just physically, and there's no 202 00:09:04,604 --> 00:09:05,326 actual connection to. 203 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:09,513 So we I've actually we, we know we coach couples where they 204 00:09:09,614 --> 00:09:12,322 built their relationship straight, just like they went 205 00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:13,186 out three times. 206 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,434 Third time they're having sex. 207 00:09:15,434 --> 00:09:16,197 That's all they did. 208 00:09:16,197 --> 00:09:18,645 They didn't really build a friendship, they didn't build 209 00:09:18,706 --> 00:09:21,744 any relationship, they didn't build any kind of structure or 210 00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:25,138 patterns or communication or anything that's needed around 211 00:09:25,158 --> 00:09:25,620 the relationship. 212 00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:28,427 And then 10, 15, 20 years later you get to a place where you're 213 00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,711 like, well, now what? 214 00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:33,089 And it's not that you can't love that person or don't even 215 00:09:33,109 --> 00:09:35,205 love that person, it's just like you built it on something that 216 00:09:35,304 --> 00:09:35,666 crumbles. 217 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:36,168 Speaker 2: Yes. 218 00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:37,370 Speaker 1: You didn't build it on a friendship. 219 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,841 You didn't build it on good communication or good 220 00:09:39,861 --> 00:09:42,884 relationship or values that were the same. 221 00:09:42,884 --> 00:09:43,765 You didn't build it like that. 222 00:09:43,946 --> 00:09:46,048 Speaker 2: That's right, but there's hope. 223 00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:50,673 So if you found yourself on the other end of it, you can still 224 00:09:51,253 --> 00:09:54,635 start implementing these things and fostering that friendship. 225 00:09:58,820 --> 00:09:59,966 Speaker 1: Like we're saying is like daily hugs or kisses or 226 00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:00,408 goodbye rituals. 227 00:10:00,408 --> 00:10:02,076 Like I hate leaving the house without saying I love you and 228 00:10:02,096 --> 00:10:04,465 giving you a hug and a kiss, looking into each other's eyes 229 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,567 intentionally for a few minutes. 230 00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:07,111 Speaker 2: Yes, we've done that. 231 00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:09,947 Speaker 1: Is it because we're silently communicating? 232 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:14,125 Speaker 2: Even though I mean it's awkward, let's be real. 233 00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:18,019 When you're like you've been to those relationship seminars 234 00:10:18,322 --> 00:10:21,004 where you have to sit across from your spouse and you have to 235 00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:25,400 stare at them without saying anything, but just right, it can 236 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:29,654 be, and we've been married for 23 years and it's awkward 237 00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:34,421 sometimes, it's just weird for the first little bit and then 238 00:10:34,441 --> 00:10:37,691 the longer you stare, then the more uncomfortable it gets. 239 00:10:40,926 --> 00:10:45,904 Maybe, but the more I'm like paying attention Like he's got 240 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,361 some new gray hair or he's got Wow, right, I thought we were 241 00:10:49,381 --> 00:10:50,145 going to try and keep it hidden. 242 00:10:50,145 --> 00:10:54,964 I'm really paying attention to your facial features and the way 243 00:10:54,964 --> 00:10:57,500 that you're looking at me and as we're saying this, we are 244 00:10:57,581 --> 00:10:59,548 staring at each other across the table. 245 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:01,845 Speaker 1: You have a lovely face. 246 00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:03,985 Speaker 2: Thank you, and as do you. 247 00:11:03,985 --> 00:11:08,822 It just fosters if you can get past how uncomfortable it might 248 00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:09,823 be at the beginning. 249 00:11:09,823 --> 00:11:13,129 Um, it really does help. 250 00:11:13,129 --> 00:11:16,443 It really does help, like you, and it's so weird. 251 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:16,725 I don't. 252 00:11:16,725 --> 00:11:20,618 I can't understand the science behind why that is, but if it's 253 00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:24,287 20 seconds that you're holding that gaze, leaving that that 20 254 00:11:24,346 --> 00:11:27,945 seconds like for us, we were like, oh well, we could have 255 00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:32,287 done another 20 seconds, yeah, whereas when it first started we 256 00:11:32,287 --> 00:11:33,490 were kind of like this is so dumb. 257 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,125 Speaker 1: This is so dumb. 258 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:35,908 Why are we doing this? 259 00:11:35,908 --> 00:11:38,828 Well, and even you said you don't know the science behind it 260 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:43,687 , it's because here's what I think Maybe the world thinks 261 00:11:43,727 --> 00:11:46,183 differently or culture thinks different, but God built us to 262 00:11:46,225 --> 00:11:47,248 be in relationship with people. 263 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,561 God built us for a man and a woman to be together, to take 264 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,302 those differences that they have and connect them and build a 265 00:11:53,623 --> 00:11:55,470 family, to build a home together . 266 00:11:55,470 --> 00:11:59,400 And the science says that a six-second kiss releases 267 00:11:59,562 --> 00:12:02,650 oxytocin and will build and foster intimacy. 268 00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:07,582 A 20-second hug can reduce cortisol, which is like we're a 269 00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:08,225 stress home. 270 00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:09,327 Speaker 2: We're a stress home. 271 00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:10,169 You fight or flight. 272 00:12:10,451 --> 00:12:10,971 Speaker 1: You fight or flight. 273 00:12:10,971 --> 00:12:12,922 You see all these stupid things on Instagram where it's like 274 00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:15,429 you have high cortisol and here's what you do and these 275 00:12:15,470 --> 00:12:18,038 seven things don't want high cortisol no, we don't want high 276 00:12:18,058 --> 00:12:20,404 cortisol, but stress is a part of life, so managing it but. 277 00:12:20,404 --> 00:12:23,591 But the 20 second hug can reduce that with. 278 00:12:23,591 --> 00:12:24,961 I know I don't mean like a. 279 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:27,389 You've ever seen uh on instagram, those guys that are 280 00:12:27,409 --> 00:12:30,303 standing in the middle of like uh, like a square somewhere in 281 00:12:30,323 --> 00:12:32,927 the states and they said free hugs and people will just come 282 00:12:33,008 --> 00:12:34,509 in, and it's never a 20 second hug. 283 00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:34,870 Speaker 2: No. 284 00:12:35,451 --> 00:12:39,057 Speaker 1: But you, you realize the deep need for human 285 00:12:39,076 --> 00:12:41,601 connection deep need for human connection and I believe that's 286 00:12:41,663 --> 00:12:44,875 how God built us is to have relationships, to have circles, 287 00:12:44,936 --> 00:12:47,624 to have fellowship, and men and women need that. 288 00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:49,388 Speaker 2: Exactly so. 289 00:12:49,388 --> 00:12:52,241 We had given some examples of a holding hands, hugs, kisses, 290 00:12:52,884 --> 00:12:54,673 back rubs, looking at at each other. 291 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,500 You can just be sitting next to each other. 292 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,168 You don't have to we're, we're, we're, you're just. 293 00:12:59,187 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: Your proximity is next to each other and you know, 294 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,466 there's some things that are going to require some 295 00:13:03,527 --> 00:13:08,107 communication, like sometimes, natalie said, well, I want to be 296 00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:08,428 alone. 297 00:13:08,428 --> 00:13:11,860 I'm like, oh, okay, and then I'll leave to go, like doing 298 00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:13,144 she's not that kind of alone. 299 00:13:13,144 --> 00:13:14,707 I'm like I don't know what kind of alone you mean. 300 00:13:14,707 --> 00:13:17,166 I don't want to talk, I just want to be in the same space. 301 00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,067 So you want me to be with you, which is a definition of not 302 00:13:20,107 --> 00:13:22,523 alone, but we're not communicating, and so that's 303 00:13:22,543 --> 00:13:22,985 what you want. 304 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,562 Speaker 2: And so there is going to be some yeah Times where you 305 00:13:25,562 --> 00:13:27,187 just need to be in each other's presence. 306 00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:35,894 Speaker 1: Yeah, sitting in the same space. 307 00:13:35,894 --> 00:13:37,965 Right and a foot, touching a foot. 308 00:13:38,326 --> 00:13:39,789 Speaker 2: Exactly, and we've done that. 309 00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:46,201 Yeah, when we're driving in the car, on the gear shifter, brian 310 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:50,730 always has his hand there and then I put my hand on top of his 311 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:50,730 . 312 00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:53,783 Speaker 1: That's just something we've always done, even since 313 00:13:53,802 --> 00:13:55,580 we were dating, even since we were dating even since we were 314 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,442 dating right. 315 00:13:56,442 --> 00:14:00,557 It was super manly when I can drive a standard why do you 316 00:14:00,616 --> 00:14:00,857 laugh? 317 00:14:00,957 --> 00:14:01,038 Speaker 2: and? 318 00:14:01,077 --> 00:14:06,707 Speaker 1: not affirm my, my fantasy okay this was the least 319 00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:11,740 helpful conversation of all time , wow, right, and even as we're 320 00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:15,490 talking about, there's, there's incredibly important for you to 321 00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:19,606 to build a friendship like and what we're talking about is 322 00:14:19,647 --> 00:14:21,913 emotional intimacy, physical intimacy. 323 00:14:21,913 --> 00:14:23,164 We're going to get through all the pillars. 324 00:14:23,164 --> 00:14:26,179 All of them lead towards having a healthy friendship between 325 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,589 you and your spouse, and so there's there's a. 326 00:14:28,589 --> 00:14:31,340 The daily physical connection is important. 327 00:14:31,942 --> 00:14:35,681 I heard a statistic I don't know where it was, I don't and I'd 328 00:14:35,721 --> 00:14:39,730 have to look it up, but there was someone saying is that men 329 00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:43,385 because I speak, I read a lot of things pertaining to men, just 330 00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:45,591 kind of see where things are going in the world of Christian, 331 00:14:45,591 --> 00:14:52,803 non-christian culture is that 40 for 45% of men don't have one 332 00:14:52,803 --> 00:14:56,854 close friend to call in in anything like just don't have 333 00:14:56,934 --> 00:14:57,517 one close friend. 334 00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:00,687 There's men that have grown up that have never been told I love 335 00:15:00,687 --> 00:15:05,256 you in the last five or 10 years there and uh, the so when 336 00:15:05,277 --> 00:15:07,908 we're talking, you have an opportunity with your 337 00:15:08,169 --> 00:15:09,874 significant other to build bridges. 338 00:15:10,796 --> 00:15:12,769 Just think about all the people that don't have access to the 339 00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:15,325 kind of thing that you do when you're sitting across from your 340 00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:18,931 partner and being like I can build, I can touch her hand or I 341 00:15:18,931 --> 00:15:22,155 can touch them, I can hear them , I can look at them, I can see 342 00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:23,038 them walking away. 343 00:15:23,038 --> 00:15:26,129 I can build relationship, listen to the same music, sit on 344 00:15:26,129 --> 00:15:29,082 the same couch all of those things it builds emotional 345 00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,710 stability for each of you to know that, hey, that person is 346 00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:33,533 there all the time. 347 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,018 I can't imagine like. 348 00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,350 This is why divorce frustrates me is that. 349 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:42,327 Imagine having that for 15 or 20 years and then a couple years 350 00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:44,293 and near the end of your relationship, all of a sudden 351 00:15:44,312 --> 00:15:49,192 you just turn off that tap right , and then it's no wonder that 352 00:15:49,373 --> 00:15:52,479 after two or three years of struggle, at the end of it you 353 00:15:52,499 --> 00:15:55,254 don't feel any bond anymore that's because you've 354 00:15:55,296 --> 00:15:58,389 essentially set the bond on fire by not continuing to work on 355 00:15:58,409 --> 00:15:59,073 your relationship. 356 00:15:59,316 --> 00:16:02,953 Well and and that is literally the smallest view of what 357 00:16:02,994 --> 00:16:03,956 happens between couples. 358 00:16:03,956 --> 00:16:06,533 I'm just saying I wouldn't want to be away from that. 359 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:12,537 Speaker 2: No, but we've heard people say oh, we're just not 360 00:16:12,616 --> 00:16:14,889 compatible anymore, we're just not. 361 00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:15,452 Speaker 1: That's a choice. 362 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:20,615 Speaker 2: I don't feel connected to my significant 363 00:16:20,697 --> 00:16:23,889 other anymore, and I would. 364 00:16:23,889 --> 00:16:28,840 I would venture to say that one of those reasons probably is a 365 00:16:28,899 --> 00:16:29,903 lack of physical touch. 366 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:30,904 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah. 367 00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:35,692 Speaker 2: Um, and, and the purpose of it is that that is 368 00:16:35,774 --> 00:16:41,461 what keeps that bond alive and that bond thriving in in the 369 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:41,965 relationship. 370 00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:48,466 And you know, even if I'm, I can be upset with you and when 371 00:16:48,505 --> 00:16:52,922 we're in the car, still put my hand on top of your hand on the 372 00:16:52,961 --> 00:16:54,750 gear shift and still be upset with you. 373 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:59,307 But there's just certain things and I've done that and there's 374 00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:00,432 I don don't know. 375 00:17:00,432 --> 00:17:03,913 We have to be intentional, and not only for our sake, but 376 00:17:03,953 --> 00:17:10,731 because we have children's eyes watching our our every move when 377 00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:13,436 it comes to how we deal with each other and we want to, we 378 00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:18,192 want to model that because we want that in our relationship, 379 00:17:18,432 --> 00:17:23,579 so so that when they leave the home we're still connected. 380 00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:26,413 It's not we're trying to figure out who we are in that moment. 381 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:33,057 No, we've been fostering this, and not perfectly, but one foot 382 00:17:33,077 --> 00:17:33,699 in front of the other. 383 00:17:34,768 --> 00:17:36,773 Speaker 1: Yeah, we want to do the best job that we can to make 384 00:17:36,773 --> 00:17:41,445 sure that our kids are, they understand that we love each 385 00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:45,236 other, that even when we fight, even when we have like heated 386 00:17:45,256 --> 00:17:48,369 disagreements, that we're not going to be, we're not going to 387 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:53,358 divorce or separate, or let the anger get the like, let it 388 00:17:53,484 --> 00:17:55,630 fester for so long that all of a sudden it causes a rift in the 389 00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:57,094 relationship no right. 390 00:17:57,153 --> 00:18:00,071 I mean I'd say this is this is kind of like that. 391 00:18:00,071 --> 00:18:03,875 But I was sitting on the couch or sitting on the chair last 392 00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:08,435 week or this last week and I've made a joke over the years and 393 00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,891 this will sound funny is that I have a girlfriend and her name 394 00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:14,404 is Natalie, and so it's always about my wife, natalie. 395 00:18:14,404 --> 00:18:20,086 And so now I'm sitting on the couch, my middle son is sitting 396 00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:21,328 off to the side and I he looks at me and makes a comment, or 397 00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:22,250 nat says, hey, who's on your phone? 398 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:22,972 So it's my girlfriend. 399 00:18:22,972 --> 00:18:28,390 And and you just like, oh, you're dumb, like it had nothing 400 00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:28,730 to do. 401 00:18:28,851 --> 00:18:33,767 But my son responded he's like it was, he's like man, it's good 402 00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:37,221 to see yourself along those lines, that you guys have such a 403 00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:39,688 healthy relationship that you can say that and you think he's 404 00:18:39,728 --> 00:18:43,154 stupid because it's just how we are and I would never make that 405 00:18:43,214 --> 00:18:47,669 joke like unless we were in that place and she could trust me 406 00:18:47,689 --> 00:18:48,290 with that kind of thing. 407 00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:52,289 But she, it's true, like you, you build a relationship. 408 00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:54,621 I remember when the kids were really young we were sitting in 409 00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:54,721 the. 410 00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:56,249 We've probably told the story before. 411 00:18:56,249 --> 00:19:00,891 We're sitting in this um walmart parking lot oh, having 412 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,576 that heated discussion, heated discussion. 413 00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:04,484 But this was young and it was angry. 414 00:19:04,484 --> 00:19:07,112 We weren't happy, there was a lot of stress going on, finances 415 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,448 were tough and we were having, we were struggling to 416 00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:09,910 communicate. 417 00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:12,243 Well, at that point, and I just remember we're sitting in the 418 00:19:12,263 --> 00:19:13,969 walmart parking lot, we're supposed to be here, we're like 419 00:19:13,989 --> 00:19:14,391 it was one of those. 420 00:19:14,391 --> 00:19:15,875 We're in colona let's try and be happy, we love each other. 421 00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:16,395 And it was one of those. 422 00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:18,643 We're in Kelowna let's try and be happy, we love each other. 423 00:19:18,643 --> 00:19:21,530 It was one of those kind of moments and I just remember you 424 00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:23,987 turning around looking in the back and I can't remember which 425 00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:25,674 kid was crying our middle, our. 426 00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:28,767 Ezra was crying and Brandon's looking out the window and and 427 00:19:28,988 --> 00:19:29,107 uh. 428 00:19:29,249 --> 00:19:29,548 Speaker 2: Amaris. 429 00:19:29,648 --> 00:19:31,473 Speaker 1: We didn't have Amaris , that's right, they're just 430 00:19:31,493 --> 00:19:34,808 looking and and you just stop and you kind of like what's 431 00:19:34,848 --> 00:19:35,230 going on. 432 00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:39,241 I said you two are you do is fight and it just. 433 00:19:39,241 --> 00:19:42,330 It was one of those moments where they thought things were a 434 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:42,592 trouble. 435 00:19:42,592 --> 00:19:43,434 We talked to them afterwards. 436 00:19:43,434 --> 00:19:45,827 They thought like, hey, we're in trouble because all we're 437 00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:48,492 doing is fighting, and all they saw from us was just fighting. 438 00:19:49,285 --> 00:19:50,830 Speaker 2: Well, and when you? 439 00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:53,229 It's that thing, when you think they're not watching. 440 00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:53,691 Speaker 1: Right. 441 00:19:54,071 --> 00:20:06,238 Speaker 2: They are oh, man are and they see those little 442 00:20:06,147 --> 00:20:06,428 moments. 443 00:20:06,428 --> 00:20:07,101 They see the moments where you come up behind me and just put 444 00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:07,934 your hand on my shoulder, or when we're walking and I put my 445 00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:09,208 arm through your arm, or, um, when you put your hand on the 446 00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:09,723 small of my back or you give me a hug, or you put your hand 447 00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:12,497 around my shoulder, or whatever it might be. 448 00:20:12,517 --> 00:20:17,019 They see all of those little acts and that not only does it 449 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:22,375 solidify the bond between us, but it also sends a message that 450 00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:26,549 mom and dad are healthy to our children, and that is hugely 451 00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:29,107 important and sometimes we need we need to see life through our 452 00:20:29,148 --> 00:20:32,467 children's eyes and what it's doing to them in order to jolt 453 00:20:32,688 --> 00:20:39,808 us into a more healthier pattern Right and I think the the it's 454 00:20:40,269 --> 00:20:43,306 social media is such a weird animal when it comes to this 455 00:20:43,346 --> 00:20:43,786 type of thing. 456 00:20:44,488 --> 00:20:47,874 Speaker 1: I often think that the couples that are on facebook 457 00:20:47,874 --> 00:20:53,491 that are the most vocal about their love for each other and 458 00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:57,208 how you held my hand walking down by the water and I love you 459 00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,153 so much and everything is always going to be the best 460 00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:01,559 because year round, I always think those are the ones that 461 00:21:01,601 --> 00:21:03,946 have the worst amount of struggles in their relationship 462 00:21:04,248 --> 00:21:07,435 maybe because that's what we've seen, yeah well, and maybe 463 00:21:07,496 --> 00:21:10,611 because that's what we've seen and I would like, I would say 464 00:21:10,692 --> 00:21:16,826 that like you're, but that all needs to be private between you 465 00:21:16,885 --> 00:21:17,145 and her. 466 00:21:17,346 --> 00:21:19,288 And if you're seeing a counselor , see a counselor. 467 00:21:19,288 --> 00:21:21,731 Don't put stuff on Facebook because it gives you a false. 468 00:21:21,731 --> 00:21:23,054 But what the kids? 469 00:21:23,054 --> 00:21:25,897 This is what we learned over the years is that even if Nat 470 00:21:25,938 --> 00:21:29,531 and I are putting on a good mask , the kids see everything 100% 471 00:21:29,633 --> 00:21:30,785 and they will say things Exactly . 472 00:21:31,085 --> 00:21:34,448 And they will say things to do you remember when the teacher 473 00:21:34,868 --> 00:21:37,571 you got a call from someone saying oh and it was our friend 474 00:21:37,612 --> 00:21:40,193 Star was saying your son says you're drinking out of a brown 475 00:21:40,213 --> 00:21:42,737 paper bag like you do, like you're an alcoholic, you bought 476 00:21:42,757 --> 00:21:43,037 booze. 477 00:21:43,356 --> 00:21:44,919 Speaker 2: Oh right, Do you remember that? 478 00:21:44,919 --> 00:21:47,942 Yeah, he was telling everyone I drank from a brown bottle. 479 00:21:47,942 --> 00:21:51,790 A brown bottle, but I was rinsing my mouth out with 480 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,519 peroxide and he never, ever saw me spit it out. 481 00:21:59,644 --> 00:22:00,686 Speaker 1: So in his mind I was just drinking it. 482 00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:01,268 That was a side note. 483 00:22:01,268 --> 00:22:01,809 Yeah, Side note sidebar. 484 00:22:01,829 --> 00:22:04,315 Speaker 2: Anyway, back on track , back on track, really 485 00:22:04,414 --> 00:22:08,170 emphasizing that these kinds of things, I think, lessen the 486 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:12,784 pressure when the expectation is this is not, we're not 487 00:22:12,824 --> 00:22:18,734 expecting it to lead to sex, we are just building a bond between 488 00:22:18,734 --> 00:22:22,569 us and I think that that, right there one should be honored. 489 00:22:22,569 --> 00:22:26,546 Yeah, where there shouldn't be an expectation of, well, I'm 490 00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:29,656 doing all of these things to cuddle you, and all of that. 491 00:22:29,758 --> 00:22:30,785 Speaker 1: And you're not doing anything. 492 00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:34,212 Speaker 2: And now it's your turn to reciprocate what I want 493 00:22:35,556 --> 00:22:36,317 it has to be. 494 00:22:36,317 --> 00:22:40,271 There has to be a mutual understanding for non-sexual 495 00:22:40,311 --> 00:22:45,553 touch or non-sexual routine yeah , whatever that might look like 496 00:22:45,633 --> 00:22:46,114 for you. 497 00:22:46,756 --> 00:22:50,548 Speaker 1: I mean, we've listed some things there yeah, and like 498 00:22:50,548 --> 00:22:54,193 here, just some like practical ideas. 499 00:22:54,193 --> 00:22:58,307 Plan like planet, planet, it's like plan sex and if that's what 500 00:22:58,307 --> 00:22:59,632 you got to do, plan it. 501 00:22:59,632 --> 00:23:02,250 But if you just need like a reminder for the first of all, 502 00:23:02,269 --> 00:23:04,977 if you, if you are out of alignment with you and your 503 00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:07,496 spouse when it comes to just physical, non-sexual touch, 504 00:23:07,516 --> 00:23:10,666 where you just this is an intimacy building thing, there's 505 00:23:10,666 --> 00:23:11,828 just some practical things. 506 00:23:11,828 --> 00:23:17,640 Create rituals like like natalie, as soon as she we wake 507 00:23:17,684 --> 00:23:19,811 up in the morning, I'll walk over, I'll get her coffee, give 508 00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:21,888 her a kiss, sit down, no matter what. 509 00:23:21,888 --> 00:23:22,952 At night, I give her. 510 00:23:22,952 --> 00:23:25,371 If I go to bed, at the same time, I give her a kiss, we pray 511 00:23:25,371 --> 00:23:26,550 , she goes to sleep. 512 00:23:27,415 --> 00:23:28,741 That's what we do on the way out of the house. 513 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,798 There's things that we do. 514 00:23:29,798 --> 00:23:31,564 When I'm standing in the kitchen or she's cooking 515 00:23:31,604 --> 00:23:34,063 something, I'll come in, I'll support, hand on the back, 516 00:23:34,494 --> 00:23:35,577 whatever these things are. 517 00:23:35,577 --> 00:23:38,946 If you're not doing them, this is a great way to start by 518 00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:41,101 saying hey, no, when you're in the kitchen, I'm going to go in 519 00:23:41,141 --> 00:23:42,365 there and I can put my hand on your shoulder. 520 00:23:43,076 --> 00:23:44,803 When you're sitting on the couch , I want to sit beside you. 521 00:23:44,803 --> 00:23:48,385 I just want to Something cheesy . 522 00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:51,008 I know it sounds stupid and I know it sounds foundational, but 523 00:23:51,008 --> 00:23:54,150 these are things that actually will tie you two back together 524 00:23:54,890 --> 00:23:57,612 in an intimate way that isn't based on just sex. 525 00:23:57,813 --> 00:23:58,192 Speaker 2: That's right. 526 00:23:58,595 --> 00:24:00,181 Speaker 1: Because when you're having sex, yes, you're 527 00:24:00,201 --> 00:24:03,259 emotionally bonded, yes, you're spiritually bonded, but there's 528 00:24:03,319 --> 00:24:05,674 that release at the end of it that releases the love hormone 529 00:24:05,816 --> 00:24:07,522 and now you're even more emotionally connected. 530 00:24:07,522 --> 00:24:09,579 But did you do any communication before that? 531 00:24:09,579 --> 00:24:12,105 That's right we always say, like foreplay starts in the 532 00:24:12,145 --> 00:24:15,542 morning 100% and you have to be able to communicate. 533 00:24:15,935 --> 00:24:17,161 Speaker 2: What does that look like? 534 00:24:17,161 --> 00:24:24,368 Because you know if I'm trying to think of an example here. 535 00:24:24,368 --> 00:24:29,281 Well, because we've talked about what that looks like for 536 00:24:29,442 --> 00:24:32,808 us for non-sexual touch. 537 00:24:33,128 --> 00:24:33,269 Speaker 1: Yeah. 538 00:24:33,435 --> 00:24:35,604 Speaker 2: But if you don't like something your partner's doing, 539 00:24:35,604 --> 00:24:38,979 like, let's say, you just have a thing and they put their hand 540 00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:40,865 on your knee and it just Weird you. 541 00:24:40,865 --> 00:24:43,676 Yeah, you need to communicate that, hey like. 542 00:24:43,676 --> 00:24:47,340 I appreciate you that you're making a stance, but I would 543 00:24:47,381 --> 00:24:51,140 rather if your hand were around my shoulder, or rather than on 544 00:24:51,181 --> 00:24:51,501 my knee. 545 00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:51,962 Speaker 1: Yeah. 546 00:24:52,203 --> 00:24:52,826 Speaker 2: If that makes sense. 547 00:24:52,826 --> 00:24:54,537 You have to communicate everything, and we say this 548 00:24:54,757 --> 00:24:56,663 every single podcast Communication is key. 549 00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:58,340 It doesn't matter what we're talking about. 550 00:24:58,695 --> 00:25:01,142 Speaker 1: You have to communicate your likes your 551 00:25:01,301 --> 00:25:04,799 dislikes, what you're, what you might like, but you haven't 552 00:25:04,819 --> 00:25:06,125 tried yet Exactly. 553 00:25:06,125 --> 00:25:10,064 That's not only for the non-sexual touch, the physical 554 00:25:10,144 --> 00:25:14,442 intimacy like this type of intimacy, that's for all parts 555 00:25:14,482 --> 00:25:16,667 of the emotional spiritual, all that stuff. 556 00:25:17,476 --> 00:25:18,902 Speaker 2: Like what does? 557 00:25:18,902 --> 00:25:22,423 What's your cultural standpoint on physical touch? 558 00:25:22,724 --> 00:25:22,925 Speaker 1: Right. 559 00:25:23,046 --> 00:25:23,247 Speaker 2: Right. 560 00:25:23,247 --> 00:25:26,597 So sometimes there are those sort of I don't want to call 561 00:25:26,617 --> 00:25:30,877 them barriers because I don't think that they're barriers, but 562 00:25:30,877 --> 00:25:34,027 sometimes you have that to work around. 563 00:25:34,027 --> 00:25:35,601 There's just differences between you and the other Right 564 00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:37,980 differences and you know sometimes like physical touch 565 00:25:38,019 --> 00:25:41,516 can only happen in the home but not out in public and stuff, so 566 00:25:41,537 --> 00:25:42,714 you need to really communicate. 567 00:25:42,815 --> 00:25:43,700 Speaker 1: Do you like PDAs? 568 00:25:44,275 --> 00:25:44,476 Speaker 2: Right. 569 00:25:44,476 --> 00:25:47,303 You need to really communicate that with each other, and we 570 00:25:47,323 --> 00:25:48,915 were talking about love languages, because physical 571 00:25:48,955 --> 00:25:53,439 touch is on the bottom of ours Really being intentional of what 572 00:25:53,439 --> 00:25:56,682 the other person's love language is, especially if 573 00:25:56,741 --> 00:26:00,465 there's this physical touch, then you need to really identify 574 00:26:00,465 --> 00:26:01,526 what that looks like for them. 575 00:26:01,866 --> 00:26:03,367 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely so. 576 00:26:03,367 --> 00:26:05,390 Here's your challenge for the for this next week. 577 00:26:05,390 --> 00:26:07,852 Before we we end up a week, we close our podcast here. 578 00:26:07,852 --> 00:26:18,957 We want you to take a time every single day to have a six 579 00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:19,940 second kiss with your partner six seconds. 580 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,325 And then we want you to do a 20 second hug daily. 581 00:26:22,325 --> 00:26:27,643 And if you can do more than one 20 second hug daily, do that 582 00:26:27,702 --> 00:26:28,746 for the next couple weeks. 583 00:26:28,746 --> 00:26:32,699 Send us an email, send us a dm, just say, hey, this actually 584 00:26:32,739 --> 00:26:33,141 helped us. 585 00:26:33,141 --> 00:26:34,980 Let us know what you thought about that. 586 00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:35,722 But that's your challenge. 587 00:26:35,855 --> 00:26:39,016 Speaker 2: Six second kiss, 20 second hug every single day and 588 00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:42,055 also experiment with incorporating different ideas. 589 00:26:42,055 --> 00:26:45,536 And if you have something that we've not mentioned, that you're 590 00:26:45,536 --> 00:26:49,777 like, hey, this actually works for us, send it to us. 591 00:26:49,777 --> 00:26:51,117 Yeah, absolutely, we'd love to see it. 592 00:26:51,117 --> 00:26:51,778 And how can they? 593 00:26:52,058 --> 00:26:52,219 Speaker 1: do that? 594 00:26:52,219 --> 00:26:54,461 Yeah, you can do that If you like this. 595 00:26:54,461 --> 00:26:57,444 I'm not going to do the whole thing, but you can send it. 596 00:26:57,444 --> 00:27:00,868 You can email us at amplifiedmarriage at gmailcom, 597 00:27:01,009 --> 00:27:03,151 or you can go onto Instagram or Facebook and message us through 598 00:27:03,171 --> 00:27:05,519 there If you like this podcast. 599 00:27:05,519 --> 00:27:07,163 I know it's been a while since we've been. 600 00:27:07,163 --> 00:27:09,567 We've been back, but we are back and we're ready for this 601 00:27:09,606 --> 00:27:10,126 coming year. 602 00:27:10,126 --> 00:27:12,648 It means a lot when you share what you let your friends know, 603 00:27:12,709 --> 00:27:14,789 when you let people know, when you share the podcast. 604 00:27:14,789 --> 00:27:16,671 You can follow us on those same places. 605 00:27:16,671 --> 00:27:20,692 You can message us on instagram and facebook and if you've been 606 00:27:20,692 --> 00:27:23,664 with us for a long time, you will hear us say all the time we 607 00:27:23,664 --> 00:27:27,335 believe that marriage can be reset, refreshed recharged and 608 00:27:27,375 --> 00:27:29,415 restored thanks so much for being back with us. 609 00:27:29,596 --> 00:27:30,116 Speaker 2: Talk to you soon.