1 00:00:00,781 --> 00:00:04,927 Speaker 1: Imagine this Natalie is glued to her latest courtroom 2 00:00:04,927 --> 00:00:08,233 drama, rattling off every detail about a case that could 3 00:00:08,313 --> 00:00:09,714 rival a soap opera. 4 00:00:09,714 --> 00:00:13,426 Meanwhile, brian, who's more interested in motorcycles and 5 00:00:13,486 --> 00:00:17,393 what's for dinner, finds himself nodding along trying to look 6 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:17,814 engaged. 7 00:00:17,814 --> 00:00:18,181 Why? 8 00:00:18,181 --> 00:00:21,227 Because he's discovered that sometimes, just sometimes, 9 00:00:22,009 --> 00:00:26,719 intellectual intimacy means in to your spouse's world, even 10 00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:29,550 when it's filled with legal jargon and dramatic objections. 11 00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:33,545 And before he knows it, he's asking the question wait, so 12 00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:35,551 what happened to that guy with the blue tie? 13 00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:40,304 That, my friends, is the magic of intellectual intimacy finding 14 00:00:40,304 --> 00:00:43,171 connections in the quirks and passions that make your 15 00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:45,381 relationship uniquely yours. 16 00:00:45,381 --> 00:01:09,953 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 17 00:01:09,953 --> 00:01:10,593 I'm Brian. 18 00:01:10,694 --> 00:01:11,254 Speaker 2: I'm Natalie. 19 00:01:12,394 --> 00:01:15,496 Speaker 1: Well, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you 20 00:01:15,537 --> 00:01:18,397 hear us say grab a coffee, go for a run. 21 00:01:18,397 --> 00:01:22,974 We are about to step into the next episode of the Amplified 22 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:23,319 Marriage podcast. 23 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:28,003 We are talking today about intellectual intimacy, and if 24 00:01:28,043 --> 00:01:31,030 you've missed the last couple weeks, you will know that we've 25 00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,426 talked about physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. 26 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,487 So take a chance, go back and listen. 27 00:01:35,487 --> 00:01:36,844 You will definitely enjoy them. 28 00:01:37,326 --> 00:01:37,768 Speaker 2: That's right. 29 00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:40,890 We're in our Pillars of Intimacy series. 30 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:43,066 Speaker 1: The Pillars of Intimacy. 31 00:01:43,066 --> 00:01:48,251 Today we're talking about intellectual intimacy and, as we 32 00:01:48,251 --> 00:01:51,490 were just before we started, the podcast Some giggles, some 33 00:01:51,531 --> 00:01:55,224 giggles because you were like well, you have to to talk to 34 00:01:55,263 --> 00:01:57,248 each other in order to engage with each other. 35 00:01:58,031 --> 00:01:58,311 Speaker 2: Yeah. 36 00:01:58,591 --> 00:01:59,581 Speaker 1: Or something along those lines. 37 00:02:00,605 --> 00:02:02,433 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard to be married if you're not going to 38 00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:06,165 be communicating, and not just communicating like your wants 39 00:02:06,204 --> 00:02:09,500 and your needs and your desires and your future together, but 40 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:15,056 communicating sort of the quirky things that make each other, 41 00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:15,959 yeah right. 42 00:02:15,959 --> 00:02:18,564 The weird, the weird, the you know, the things that you're 43 00:02:18,585 --> 00:02:21,211 passionate about that I might not be passionate about, and 44 00:02:21,252 --> 00:02:21,872 vice versa. 45 00:02:22,501 --> 00:02:27,902 Speaker 1: It's being able to have a conversation and so 46 00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:33,812 here's a question for you do you think that you have to be 47 00:02:33,912 --> 00:02:38,764 matched intellectually, like in intellect, like, in order to 48 00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:40,485 stay engaged as a married couple ? 49 00:02:40,485 --> 00:02:46,253 No thank goodness, because you're way smarter than I am um, 50 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,802 here's the thing how do you not even blink? 51 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,449 Speaker 2: you just keep on going like nothing was said, 52 00:02:51,489 --> 00:02:56,524 like oh yeah, no, I know I am, I just keep wow I'm not and I was 53 00:02:56,524 --> 00:03:05,633 going to say that for the longest time I used and, like he 54 00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:06,234 says, I'm smarter. 55 00:03:06,234 --> 00:03:12,224 Okay, I have post-secondary education whoop-dee-doo and I 56 00:03:12,264 --> 00:03:14,026 can lift heavy things there you go. 57 00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:21,444 So um so many times I used that as a weapon you did early on in 58 00:03:21,444 --> 00:03:22,127 the relationship. 59 00:03:22,147 --> 00:03:24,575 Speaker 1: You're like I went to school, I'm like sweet, so did 60 00:03:24,717 --> 00:03:30,448 I exactly and um, so I don't think you. 61 00:03:31,269 --> 00:03:33,973 Speaker 2: I I think a marriage can work perfectly fine without 62 00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:34,433 you both. 63 00:03:34,433 --> 00:03:39,288 You know, if one is a doctor and some one's a janitor right, 64 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:43,640 exactly, or one's a stay-at-home dad and mom's a lawyer. 65 00:03:43,842 --> 00:03:46,543 Speaker 1: I think that you can make that work, see what we've 66 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,302 seen in Hollywood and TV shows like even shows like the Big 67 00:03:50,323 --> 00:03:50,865 Bang Theory. 68 00:03:50,865 --> 00:03:52,650 I hate that show. 69 00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:55,740 I know, but the main character, penny. 70 00:03:55,740 --> 00:04:01,424 No, penny used to just date big dumb jocks and then she ended 71 00:04:01,503 --> 00:04:05,662 up dating a guy that was really really smart, geeky, not 72 00:04:05,722 --> 00:04:09,412 athletic, not very big and well-built or anything like that 73 00:04:09,412 --> 00:04:09,412 . 74 00:04:09,412 --> 00:04:12,548 And then they broke up, I think , and she would be dating these 75 00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,032 dumb guys and he would be wondering why. 76 00:04:14,032 --> 00:04:18,740 I think that you have to find someone that matches you, like 77 00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:21,949 whether or not it happened to be a guy that maybe he's a big 78 00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:24,857 dumb jock I don't think there's anyone that's out there that's 79 00:04:24,937 --> 00:04:25,420 super dumb. 80 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:27,384 I mean, there probably is. 81 00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:30,331 But what I mean is that you you want to find the person across 82 00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:32,464 from you that you're sitting with, whether or not they're 83 00:04:32,545 --> 00:04:33,086 academic. 84 00:04:33,086 --> 00:04:36,103 They're not academic, they're athletic, they're not athletic. 85 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:39,252 Whatever it is that's going to match you and who you are. 86 00:04:39,432 --> 00:04:42,665 And you're intellectual, like there's definitely things like 87 00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:43,607 even in our relationship. 88 00:04:43,607 --> 00:04:45,509 You're really smart when it comes to medical things. 89 00:04:45,509 --> 00:04:46,230 You've always have been. 90 00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:48,680 You went to school, you did training, you were in the 91 00:04:48,699 --> 00:04:50,245 medical field for quite a few years. 92 00:04:50,245 --> 00:04:51,427 You've done all kinds. 93 00:04:51,427 --> 00:04:54,223 I'm not very sharp in that, but I'm also sharp in other areas, 94 00:04:54,264 --> 00:04:56,870 and so I think that what we match in when it comes to 95 00:04:56,910 --> 00:04:58,841 intelligence or intellectual things. 96 00:04:58,841 --> 00:04:59,903 Is that we there's? 97 00:04:59,903 --> 00:05:02,567 There's a lot of things that you like that I think are stupid 98 00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:06,134 , right, right, and maybe I don't say it that way, maybe I 99 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,427 do, no, I don't think you articulate it like that. 100 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:10,422 Speaker 2: I don't feel like you think. 101 00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:14,571 I feel like you just know that you're going to be in for a 102 00:05:14,670 --> 00:05:16,014 long-winded explanation. 103 00:05:17,502 --> 00:05:20,584 Speaker 1: And like here's the truth, Like that opening that we 104 00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:22,769 had, it is absolutely the truth . 105 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:27,704 It is 100% true, because I want to engage with her in 106 00:05:27,723 --> 00:05:28,970 conversation, because I love her and I care for her and I like 107 00:05:29,009 --> 00:05:30,939 that she's happy with her dumb shows that she's watching. 108 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:35,288 I regret the moment I ask hey, which case are you watching now? 109 00:05:35,288 --> 00:05:38,223 Because I literally just wanted to know what the name of it was 110 00:05:38,223 --> 00:05:38,223 . 111 00:05:38,223 --> 00:05:42,711 A one-line synopsis this guy killed blah blah, blah and that 112 00:05:42,773 --> 00:05:43,153 be that. 113 00:05:43,153 --> 00:05:46,360 But no, I actually get now the history of the killer, the 114 00:05:46,401 --> 00:05:48,726 history of the lawyer, the history of the second lawyer, 115 00:05:49,108 --> 00:05:51,122 the names of the third and fourth lawyers that are working 116 00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,067 on the case, that are actually not even in the room, the 117 00:05:53,149 --> 00:05:54,822 judge's shoe size. 118 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:59,071 I get all kinds of stuff and I just want to know what case and 119 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:02,867 literally what, what happened, and then tell me at the end what 120 00:06:02,867 --> 00:06:04,951 the what, the final verdict was like. 121 00:06:04,951 --> 00:06:06,641 That's all I need to know. 122 00:06:06,641 --> 00:06:09,507 But you will give me that long winded response. 123 00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:11,331 Speaker 2: Exactly Now we'll. 124 00:06:11,331 --> 00:06:12,273 We'll talk about that. 125 00:06:12,273 --> 00:06:16,057 Okay, we're going to talk about that to just piggy or not 126 00:06:16,077 --> 00:06:16,399 piggyback. 127 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:20,428 But go back to your comment regarding being sort of like 128 00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:21,992 intellectually compatible. 129 00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:29,521 I think it can work if you are not talking down yes to you 130 00:06:29,541 --> 00:06:31,225 don't think you're superior to the other one, right? 131 00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:36,740 because they, you know, um, they , if you're a chef, that they, 132 00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:40,649 they can't cook and then you like, they're made to to feel 133 00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:44,225 inferior because they, they might not excel at cooking or 134 00:06:44,305 --> 00:06:45,288 whatever it might be Right. 135 00:06:45,288 --> 00:06:50,471 Yeah, so I think that that someone I don't think you know, 136 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:56,591 two people who are accountants are like best paired for each 137 00:06:56,670 --> 00:06:56,812 other. 138 00:06:56,831 --> 00:06:57,233 Speaker 1: No. 139 00:06:57,273 --> 00:06:57,853 Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? 140 00:06:57,853 --> 00:07:01,968 So I think it can work where one one is an accountant and one 141 00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:06,026 um works in a clothing store. 142 00:07:06,165 --> 00:07:06,767 Speaker 1: Do know what I mean. 143 00:07:06,788 --> 00:07:09,245 Speaker 2: Like I think it doesn't have to be if we've seen 144 00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:09,507 any. 145 00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:12,898 Speaker 1: If you see anything, you see people of varying 146 00:07:12,937 --> 00:07:16,005 intelligences, but because people are usually intelligent 147 00:07:16,065 --> 00:07:19,321 in a particular field, right like we have, we have couples 148 00:07:19,341 --> 00:07:23,149 that one was a nail tech or a salon and they were an 149 00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,291 electrician or a carpenter. 150 00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:25,632 They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did 151 00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:25,901 is they found a salon and they were an electrician or a 152 00:07:25,833 --> 00:07:26,014 carpenter. 153 00:07:26,014 --> 00:07:26,709 They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did 154 00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:29,353 is they found a way that they, too, can come connect with their 155 00:07:29,353 --> 00:07:31,163 mind in a whatever way that happened to be. 156 00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:34,271 Now, even when we're talking about intellectual intimacy, we 157 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,446 should probably define a little bit of what it is and really, 158 00:07:37,927 --> 00:07:42,442 when you're it, it is literally the the act of sharing ideas 159 00:07:42,622 --> 00:07:45,644 with each other and discussions that actually bring about just 160 00:07:45,906 --> 00:07:54,394 meaningful, valuable, helpful, funny, intense, deep, cerebral, 161 00:07:54,514 --> 00:07:58,257 ethereal type conversations that stimulate relationship between 162 00:07:58,298 --> 00:07:59,278 you and your partner. 163 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,430 Speaker 2: That's right, and we were just talking about this the 164 00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:04,920 other day, leading up to this episode. 165 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,382 And we were just talking about this the other day. 166 00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:08,384 Leading up to this episode, I didn't realize, but it dawned on 167 00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:12,767 me the not, maybe the intrigue that's probably not the right 168 00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:16,432 word when it comes to like true crime watching. 169 00:08:17,353 --> 00:08:18,595 Speaker 1: How does Natalie relax folks? 170 00:08:18,595 --> 00:08:20,317 She relaxes by watching true crime. 171 00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:29,641 Speaker 2: That's right. 172 00:08:29,661 --> 00:08:32,205 Speaker 1: So there's something to be said about watching a 173 00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:38,394 particularly violent, disturbing disturbing case and having an 174 00:08:38,433 --> 00:08:45,231 appreciation for choices that I've made in my life that led 175 00:08:45,251 --> 00:08:46,013 you down a different path. 176 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,081 Speaker 2: That led me down a different path, right and, or 177 00:08:49,342 --> 00:08:52,841 looking at you, know you? 178 00:08:52,841 --> 00:08:58,307 And just being so grateful that I was as picky as I was 179 00:09:00,692 --> 00:09:01,254 marrying you. 180 00:09:01,254 --> 00:09:01,956 Do you know what I mean? 181 00:09:01,956 --> 00:09:04,842 And it just it kind of it sparks conversation. 182 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:10,285 Right, so many so many times be like I cannot fathom, you know, 183 00:09:10,326 --> 00:09:12,451 especially when it's cases involving children. 184 00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:19,961 Um, those are really really really hard on the one hand. 185 00:09:19,961 --> 00:09:25,624 On the other hand, when you see some of these cases roll 186 00:09:25,644 --> 00:09:29,315 through, with women suffering from postpartum as I have 187 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:33,143 suffered from postpartum but made different choices in that 188 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:34,172 there's an. 189 00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:40,381 It's horrific, but there's there's a, an empathy of I. 190 00:09:40,381 --> 00:09:44,355 Had I not made the those, the decisions that led me down the 191 00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:49,004 path that I'm on, who's to say that I would not have landed 192 00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,173 where these women find themselves, or these men, or 193 00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:51,634 whoever? 194 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:58,980 Speaker 1: it might be, so it sparks conversation and 195 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:10,692 reflection on holy cow on holy cow, like, aren't we all one, 196 00:10:10,712 --> 00:10:11,918 one or multiple decisions away from from a different outcome? 197 00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:12,279 Yeah, that is true. 198 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,586 I think that when you're, you're looking, you're watching 199 00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:17,277 the news or you're you're like, you see those channels. 200 00:10:17,277 --> 00:10:20,272 I remember back in the old days when they had uh, back in the 201 00:10:20,292 --> 00:10:22,437 old days when man, I can't believe I'm saying that, but 202 00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:25,615 when they would have police shows and it was like criminals 203 00:10:25,676 --> 00:10:28,282 biggest blunders, or those are the funny ones or the serious 204 00:10:28,341 --> 00:10:28,442 ones. 205 00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:31,818 You're like this is someone who , or they show the pictures of 206 00:10:31,879 --> 00:10:33,851 someone before meth and then aftermath. 207 00:10:33,851 --> 00:10:35,136 You're like, man, I can't. 208 00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:37,847 I'm so thankful for the decisions that I was made, the 209 00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,231 upbringing that I had, and it does. 210 00:10:39,231 --> 00:10:40,293 It does bring that around. 211 00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:43,438 But also, um, a lot of times, these things have sparked 212 00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:46,745 conversation about how are we going to talk to our kids about 213 00:10:46,765 --> 00:10:49,410 this, especially when they were younger, how we're going to talk 214 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:51,176 to our kids about this particular situation. 215 00:10:51,176 --> 00:10:54,496 Or they heard something at school oh, I heard this about 216 00:10:54,538 --> 00:10:57,087 this family and you're like, yeah, that's actually true, this 217 00:10:57,087 --> 00:10:58,932 is what happened and you have to now. 218 00:10:58,932 --> 00:11:00,235 It sparks opportunity. 219 00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:03,202 So not only does it it, it brings you two together, where 220 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,933 you're growing together because you're having these deep 221 00:11:04,953 --> 00:11:08,221 conversations and that actually brings about an ability to know 222 00:11:08,261 --> 00:11:11,456 each other deeper and how you think and how your thought 223 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:15,471 process, thought processes, think I can actually say things 224 00:11:15,532 --> 00:11:19,539 like nat I know you're going to say no to this and like even 225 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:23,998 today, our son is driving an hour away out of town and I said 226 00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:26,472 said to you over the phone, you didn't, you were nervous about 227 00:11:26,493 --> 00:11:28,259 him driving from here to that place out of town. 228 00:11:28,429 --> 00:11:29,836 And I said that's fair. 229 00:11:29,836 --> 00:11:33,975 But I said I trust my son and it's your heart talking, or your 230 00:11:33,975 --> 00:11:36,134 head knows it's true, but your heart doesn't know the 231 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:36,475 difference. 232 00:11:36,475 --> 00:11:40,630 And I can say to you I know you but I've learned that over 233 00:11:40,671 --> 00:11:43,715 conversations over us having to fight for our values together, 234 00:11:43,735 --> 00:11:47,399 having to fight over I don't mean fight as in we're angry at 235 00:11:47,419 --> 00:11:47,659 each other. 236 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,601 I'm talking like we fight for these things together. 237 00:11:49,601 --> 00:11:52,306 And so we believe in our son, we trust in our son that he's 238 00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:52,785 going to do that. 239 00:11:52,785 --> 00:11:58,292 Your head is telling you, yes, I understand he's a good driver, 240 00:11:58,292 --> 00:11:59,634 but your heart is being a mama and it's being like, and so I 241 00:11:59,654 --> 00:12:01,437 can say to you sweetie, I trust him, you're, I trust him, you're 242 00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:01,437 . 243 00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:04,323 I understand where you are, I understand this and here, 244 00:12:04,504 --> 00:12:06,346 instead of what I would have done in the old days, no, no, he 245 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:07,710 can just do it, it's on whatever. 246 00:12:08,011 --> 00:12:09,423 I don't care what your feelings, just go do it. 247 00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:09,966 I was like no, no. 248 00:12:09,966 --> 00:12:13,056 I understand, but I wouldn't have got to that place of 249 00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:15,542 understanding with you if I not had to spend that time getting 250 00:12:15,621 --> 00:12:20,116 to know that part of you you is. 251 00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:23,101 You like these weird true crime things, but that's just 252 00:12:23,302 --> 00:12:25,711 something that sparks conversation and so 100 we're 253 00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:27,676 talking about intellectual conversations. 254 00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:30,261 It does like they. 255 00:12:30,261 --> 00:12:35,197 I can say to anyone at work oh, natalie, I asked natalie about 256 00:12:35,499 --> 00:12:40,898 a true crime podcast and they'd be like oh, they know just that. 257 00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:43,546 Like any one of your friends would be like yeah, I know you 258 00:12:43,566 --> 00:12:44,408 got the long answer, didn't you? 259 00:12:44,408 --> 00:12:47,875 It's's like, yeah, like it promotes growth for each of you, 260 00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,639 because now you're having conversations about things you 261 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:51,753 may never Exactly Not. 262 00:12:51,773 --> 00:12:52,296 Speaker 2: I'm not talking. 263 00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:55,070 I feel like I'm laying, not the true crime, no, but just Like. 264 00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:57,494 Speaker 1: Lay that aside because we've mentioned like it 265 00:12:57,533 --> 00:13:00,097 has really sparked conversations about the kind of people that 266 00:13:00,118 --> 00:13:02,881 we want to be, but also documentaries and stupid things 267 00:13:02,961 --> 00:13:05,894 we see and other podcasts that you're listening to really spark 268 00:13:05,894 --> 00:13:10,336 conversations on communication and conversations on dealing 269 00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:11,740 with conflict and things like that. 270 00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:15,139 Speaker 2: Like the hostage negotiator guy. 271 00:13:17,154 --> 00:13:18,719 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Chris Voss. 272 00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:20,510 Speaker 2: Right, incredible Like. 273 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:21,888 Speaker 1: If you have not listened to his podcast, you 274 00:13:21,908 --> 00:13:24,110 need to yeah, and the other one that I talk about the Art of 275 00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,354 manliness, but with Brett. 276 00:13:25,354 --> 00:13:27,317 Oh man, just one of my favorite podcasts. 277 00:13:27,317 --> 00:13:29,962 It's so good, anyone just listen to it. 278 00:13:32,950 --> 00:13:34,134 Speaker 2: Like podcasts and true crime, but I think those 279 00:13:34,154 --> 00:13:37,277 are really great catalysts to open up conversations. 280 00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:39,634 Speaker 1: But what you're doing , though, is you're challenging 281 00:13:39,674 --> 00:13:40,015 each other. 282 00:13:45,029 --> 00:13:46,053 Speaker 2: You're challenging each other's thought processes. 283 00:13:46,053 --> 00:13:46,554 Well, why do you think? 284 00:13:46,554 --> 00:13:47,820 Like that especially if you're watching the news and then you 285 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,730 can discuss, like current events well did you like? 286 00:13:51,110 --> 00:13:51,331 Speaker 1: here's? 287 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:51,913 Here's the thing. 288 00:13:51,913 --> 00:13:52,817 Here's one of those. 289 00:13:52,817 --> 00:13:57,070 A few years ago, when trump won in 2016, there was a couple 290 00:13:57,149 --> 00:14:00,123 that made the news all over social media because they had 291 00:14:00,163 --> 00:14:01,248 only been dating for a short time. 292 00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:03,995 They didn't know each other's political affiliations. 293 00:14:03,995 --> 00:14:05,821 Trump wins in 2016. 294 00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:06,422 They were dating. 295 00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:08,476 She broke up with him because he supported Trump, but she 296 00:14:08,518 --> 00:14:08,738 didn't. 297 00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:13,443 What do you get from not communicating and not engaging 298 00:14:13,465 --> 00:14:13,870 with each other? 299 00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:16,293 They were dating for a significant amount of time, like 300 00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:16,875 eight or nine months. 301 00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,255 It was a relationship. 302 00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 2: They must not have got to political views. 303 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,956 And actually, now that you mention that, I don't even think 304 00:14:24,956 --> 00:14:26,339 we even chatted about. 305 00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:27,822 Speaker 1: Not before we were married. 306 00:14:27,822 --> 00:14:29,918 No, we just assumed that we were both on the same page. 307 00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:32,577 Speaker 2: Not really thinking about politics that much when 308 00:14:32,597 --> 00:14:38,575 you're young no, but I mean to that couple that was like being 309 00:14:38,695 --> 00:14:40,621 able to know that that's a deal breaker for you. 310 00:14:40,621 --> 00:14:41,826 Yeah Right. 311 00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:43,912 Speaker 1: But like. 312 00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:46,359 I said you need to. 313 00:14:46,359 --> 00:14:50,038 And here's the thing is that oftentimes in our coaching I've 314 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,995 heard a couple say well, I just don't know what to talk to her 315 00:14:52,034 --> 00:14:52,979 about, or him about. 316 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,753 We have nothing to talk about. 317 00:14:54,753 --> 00:14:55,394 I'm like are you kidding? 318 00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:56,475 Speaker 2: Are you reading a book? 319 00:14:56,475 --> 00:14:58,000 Chat about the book. 320 00:14:58,380 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 321 00:14:58,681 --> 00:14:59,602 Speaker 2: Were you reading the Bible? 322 00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,575 Speaker 1: Chat about the Bible and, honestly, this is some of 323 00:15:02,595 --> 00:15:06,721 the times when I know that if I ask Natalie how was your day, 324 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:11,197 I'm going to get a list of things of how your day was. 325 00:15:11,197 --> 00:15:13,591 This happened with work and we had this fun thing that happened 326 00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:17,058 in my job and my boss said this and it was a good day or it was 327 00:15:17,058 --> 00:15:19,732 , it was a bad day and it was whatever day it was. 328 00:15:19,732 --> 00:15:20,634 It was, it was just it was. 329 00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:23,297 But I'll get a list of things and Natalie will ask well, how 330 00:15:23,317 --> 00:15:23,657 was your day? 331 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:24,298 Oh, it was good. 332 00:15:24,938 --> 00:15:25,659 Speaker 2: That's not good enough. 333 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,144 Speaker 1: And I've learned over the years Natalie, you didn't 334 00:15:29,163 --> 00:15:31,446 let me finish is that that's not good enough? 335 00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:33,813 She wants details as much as I don't want to provide her 336 00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:36,971 details because I'm like the day was good, there was nothing out 337 00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:38,957 of the ordinary to explain. 338 00:15:39,821 --> 00:15:45,312 Speaker 2: Exactly, but that doesn't like. 339 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:46,740 Part of this whole idea of having intellectual intimacy is 340 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,129 bringing each other into each other's worlds. 341 00:15:48,129 --> 00:15:52,211 Right, right and it doesn't matter what we're doing, and if 342 00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:57,543 the day was so boring, I don't care. 343 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:03,899 Speaker 1: Yeah, and the thing is to that end, you don't care 344 00:16:03,938 --> 00:16:08,065 about motorcycle things no you want to care. 345 00:16:09,712 --> 00:16:10,475 Speaker 2: I just have. 346 00:16:10,514 --> 00:16:12,700 Speaker 1: I know that you try to care, but I'll be like I'll 347 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,817 show her a bike that I think is like man, this motorcycle is so 348 00:16:15,898 --> 00:16:17,323 nice, I love the handlebars. 349 00:16:17,323 --> 00:16:18,710 Look at the size of that back tire. 350 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,836 And this thing is just got nice curves. 351 00:16:20,836 --> 00:16:22,441 And she looks at and she's like , yeah, it's okay. 352 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:23,974 Like, are you kidding me? 353 00:16:23,974 --> 00:16:25,918 I need you to love this like I do right now. 354 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,311 Like this is, this is the bike I want to have when I'm an adult 355 00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:32,379 , there is a bike if you say, harley, I'm going to be upset it 356 00:16:32,379 --> 00:16:33,442 is not a harley. 357 00:16:33,582 --> 00:16:35,072 Speaker 2: I think those things are ugly. 358 00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:36,033 Sorry, uncle dan. 359 00:16:36,033 --> 00:16:42,263 Um, I am very fond of hondaadows. 360 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,288 Speaker 1: I have an old Honda Shadow I know, and I like your 361 00:16:45,327 --> 00:16:45,587 bike. 362 00:16:45,727 --> 00:16:48,535 Speaker 2: Yeah, but was it the Phantom? 363 00:16:48,937 --> 00:16:49,860 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you like the Phantom. 364 00:16:50,649 --> 00:16:52,417 Speaker 2: That is a really really nice bike. 365 00:16:52,437 --> 00:16:53,178 Speaker 1: It is a very nice bike. 366 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,318 Not enough CCs for me, but it's a nice bike. 367 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:55,640 I get it. 368 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,109 Speaker 2: Matte black, and I'll just leave it at that. 369 00:16:57,269 --> 00:16:57,892 Speaker 1: Matte, black, wow. 370 00:16:57,912 --> 00:16:59,514 Speaker 2: People with that look like it. 371 00:16:59,556 --> 00:17:01,721 Speaker 1: So we just wanted to give you some funny examples. 372 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:05,028 We've talked a little bit about the things that we are weird 373 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,118 about in our relationship, like it was music or motorcycles for 374 00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:08,239 me. 375 00:17:08,590 --> 00:17:12,599 Speaker 2: And these are like huge areas that we find common 376 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,101 ground in. 377 00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:13,863 Speaker 1: We do now. 378 00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:17,557 Speaker 2: Because, though I'm musical, I hate going into the 379 00:17:17,576 --> 00:17:17,958 music store. 380 00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:18,258 Speaker 1: I know you do. 381 00:17:18,598 --> 00:17:19,480 Speaker 2: It is the worst. 382 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,223 It is the worst. 383 00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,736 Speaker 1: I noticed that you have a lot more patience for a 384 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:23,278 middle son. 385 00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,127 Speaker 2: Yes, and I do have patience for you Than you ever 386 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:27,369 did for me. 387 00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:27,832 Is there a? 388 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:28,537 Speaker 1: reason for that. 389 00:17:28,537 --> 00:17:29,644 I'd like to know. 390 00:17:29,644 --> 00:17:34,760 Can we tell our listeners why you have more patience for our 391 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:37,176 middle son than the one you married first? 392 00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:41,195 Speaker 2: I will tell the listeners that there is a. 393 00:17:41,631 --> 00:17:43,057 Speaker 1: There's some sass on your face right now. 394 00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:47,031 Speaker 2: Marriage is sacrifice , wow. 395 00:17:47,031 --> 00:17:51,218 And going to the music store is an act of sacrifice. 396 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:52,940 Speaker 1: But for my son. 397 00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:55,262 Speaker 2: And I dislike going. 398 00:17:55,262 --> 00:17:57,086 Even it's not. 399 00:17:57,086 --> 00:18:00,016 I like the company I'm with, I just don't like the location. 400 00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,903 Speaker 1: Yeah, just like when our oldest starts talking to you 401 00:18:01,903 --> 00:18:02,549 about computer parts. 402 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,080 You could sit there for half an hour and he pretty much and I 403 00:18:05,101 --> 00:18:07,611 try to understand and he pretty much just spoke Korean for the 404 00:18:07,632 --> 00:18:10,717 last 30 minutes and you're like, oh man, that's awesome Sud. 405 00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:14,695 Speaker 2: We're not going to have the same interest, and I 406 00:18:14,756 --> 00:18:16,179 think that's what makes it fun. 407 00:18:17,082 --> 00:18:17,482 Speaker 1: That definitely. 408 00:18:17,482 --> 00:18:27,018 So we just want to get into or maybe that you have gotten into, 409 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:30,390 but some couples might get into deep debate about life over 410 00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:30,790 coffee. 411 00:18:31,352 --> 00:18:36,019 Speaker 2: You know I had a or deep debate about coffee yeah, 412 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:42,075 that's because I was a barista and when, prior to us dating and 413 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:45,058 I fancied myself a coffee connoisseur, I knew where all 414 00:18:45,078 --> 00:18:46,040 the coffees came from. 415 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,241 I knew their weird names. 416 00:18:47,522 --> 00:18:50,151 Speaker 1: Yeah, you did and all the, and I just wanted I didn't 417 00:18:50,151 --> 00:18:53,498 actually really drink coffee until a few years into us dating 418 00:18:53,498 --> 00:18:53,818 Exactly. 419 00:18:54,352 --> 00:18:55,651 Speaker 2: Or even to married Right. 420 00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:57,458 It gave us something to talk about, right. 421 00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:58,515 Do you like coffee? 422 00:18:58,515 --> 00:18:59,851 Well, I like coffee too. 423 00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:01,811 Speaker 1: So here's what happened is I would go into 424 00:19:01,872 --> 00:19:05,634 stores like coffee places and I would order usually just a black 425 00:19:05,634 --> 00:19:08,416 coffee of some kind, because I actually really like a nice dark 426 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:09,196 , roast black coffee. 427 00:19:09,196 --> 00:19:14,681 She would order whatever weird, funny, fruity or sweet thing 428 00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:15,281 that she would get. 429 00:19:15,281 --> 00:19:17,864 It was always so much better than my black coffee. 430 00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:20,605 So eventually over the years I just learned to that I'll just 431 00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:23,708 have what she has, unless I know that I like whatever it is, 432 00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,252 I'll just have what Natalie's having, because it's so much 433 00:19:28,272 --> 00:19:29,496 better than whatever I'm going to get. 434 00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:29,777 Speaker 2: That's right. 435 00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:30,759 So I mean whatever your interests are. 436 00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,651 Speaker 1: It could be solving crossword puzzles, if that's a 437 00:19:32,691 --> 00:19:34,856 thing for you, or playing video games together. 438 00:19:34,856 --> 00:19:35,479 That's a big thing. 439 00:19:35,479 --> 00:19:38,015 There's a whole thing about gamer culture that's happening 440 00:19:38,035 --> 00:19:38,817 in the world, or you? 441 00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:42,115 Watch documentaries or I love documentaries I know, not just 442 00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,243 crime documentaries yeah, I love documentaries I know you do. 443 00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:45,027 Speaker 2: And not just crime documentaries. 444 00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:47,115 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love animal documentaries, see or like 445 00:19:47,155 --> 00:19:51,617 here's one is you get into arguments, playful, fun, joyous 446 00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:54,278 arguments about who would win in a super fight. 447 00:19:54,278 --> 00:19:56,073 A superhero would. 448 00:19:56,073 --> 00:19:57,357 What superhero would win in a fight. 449 00:19:57,357 --> 00:19:59,036 Now, I've never done that with Natalie, but I have done that 450 00:19:59,076 --> 00:20:01,164 with really good friends, man friends. 451 00:20:01,508 --> 00:20:02,837 Speaker 2: Okay, so who do you think would win? 452 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:03,662 Speaker 1: Over what? 453 00:20:03,662 --> 00:20:07,567 Who's the Pick two superheroes? 454 00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:09,967 I bet you they don't even come from the same universe. 455 00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:10,528 Speaker 2: Probably not. 456 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,844 Speaker 1: You probably will pick a DC and a Marvel one, 457 00:20:12,864 --> 00:20:13,766 thinking they're from DC. 458 00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:17,394 Speaker 2: Oh gosh Pick one, spider-man and Venom. 459 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,369 Speaker 1: Oh, why would you choose such a challenging one? 460 00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:24,028 Because they have a whole comic book series, many, many books 461 00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:24,308 about. 462 00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:26,607 Speaker 2: Exactly, I think it would be Venom, personally, and 463 00:20:26,769 --> 00:20:28,797 I agree, and Venom happens to be my favorite anti-hero. 464 00:20:28,797 --> 00:20:29,400 See, we don't even disagree. 465 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,282 Speaker 1: You've got to pick someone. 466 00:20:30,282 --> 00:20:33,064 We disagree on Scarlet Witch versus Batman, or Scarlet 467 00:20:33,384 --> 00:20:34,906 Scarlet, never mind, let's just move on. 468 00:20:34,906 --> 00:20:35,689 This is going to get weird. 469 00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:38,634 What superhero that would be one thing. 470 00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:43,888 Or maybe Natalie, my brother-in-law me all the time. 471 00:20:43,888 --> 00:20:47,432 The fact that I can just pick out an actor and I'll do this 472 00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:47,613 now. 473 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,013 Oh yeah, that was for this person. 474 00:20:49,013 --> 00:20:51,536 They played in the movie, and jeremy will make some snide cut. 475 00:20:51,536 --> 00:20:54,627 Oh yeah, he was the key grip that played with the second 476 00:20:54,647 --> 00:20:56,253 director no one's ever heard of. 477 00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:59,323 I just happen to remember people's names that's right. 478 00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:02,971 Speaker 2: That's why I'm good at that at church when, when 479 00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:05,021 we're in a trivia game, um, that knowledge is excellent. 480 00:21:05,021 --> 00:21:06,426 Yeah, but rarely are we in a trivia game about that knowledge 481 00:21:06,426 --> 00:21:07,691 is excellent. 482 00:21:08,071 --> 00:21:09,998 Speaker 1: Yeah, but rarely are we at a trivia game about 483 00:21:10,057 --> 00:21:10,740 actors' names. 484 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:14,980 Speaker 2: If we could be at a trivia game and if we were 485 00:21:15,059 --> 00:21:18,724 playing like Trivial Pursuit, that would be really handy skill 486 00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:18,724 . 487 00:21:18,724 --> 00:21:23,009 Right and we would certainly appreciate it at that point. 488 00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:27,289 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that just what we're trying to 489 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:30,009 get to is that you need to find a way between the two of you. 490 00:21:30,621 --> 00:21:33,150 And sometimes we've done this when we're coaching. 491 00:21:33,150 --> 00:21:36,691 It's like, look, you want to go home and just play video games, 492 00:21:36,691 --> 00:21:39,582 or you want to go home and just listen to music, or you want to 493 00:21:39,582 --> 00:21:41,429 go home and set out in your shop, whatever it is. 494 00:21:41,429 --> 00:21:44,268 She wants you to, and this is like I'm talking from a guy and 495 00:21:44,288 --> 00:21:44,869 a girl point of view. 496 00:21:44,869 --> 00:21:53,766 She wants you to tell you about your day, what did you do, the 497 00:21:53,786 --> 00:21:54,929 things that happen, what are your hopes and dreams. 498 00:21:54,929 --> 00:21:56,674 And the truth is, ladies, sometimes when you ask us what 499 00:21:56,694 --> 00:21:57,858 are you thinking about, it genuinely is nothing. 500 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:58,964 We're not thinking about anything. 501 00:21:58,964 --> 00:22:01,199 We were thinking about anything and if it was, it was gonna be 502 00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:01,840 something trivial. 503 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:06,028 Like man, why does the pedal stick on my car like I can't? 504 00:22:06,028 --> 00:22:07,171 What is a door handle? 505 00:22:07,171 --> 00:22:09,320 A little bit jiggly, like dumb things like that. 506 00:22:09,340 --> 00:22:11,606 It's not like we're thinking about the meaning of life or 507 00:22:11,626 --> 00:22:14,222 that whole dumb thing that came around for a little while. 508 00:22:14,222 --> 00:22:15,469 We're thinking about the roman empire. 509 00:22:15,469 --> 00:22:16,493 Do you know when? 510 00:22:16,493 --> 00:22:19,188 This is my personal frustration with that whole trend. 511 00:22:19,188 --> 00:22:21,319 Do you know when we were thinking about the roman empire, 512 00:22:21,319 --> 00:22:24,164 when some moron came up and said were you thinking about the 513 00:22:24,164 --> 00:22:24,806 roman empire? 514 00:22:24,806 --> 00:22:25,667 Then you're. 515 00:22:25,667 --> 00:22:26,188 Now I am. 516 00:22:26,188 --> 00:22:28,893 I wasn't Never once thought about that my entire life before 517 00:22:28,893 --> 00:22:29,032 that. 518 00:22:29,032 --> 00:22:29,714 There's no need to. 519 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:39,413 Speaker 2: Well, thank goodness that we just don't care about 520 00:22:39,433 --> 00:22:40,174 the Roman Empire. 521 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,127 Speaker 1: It was not something that was worth talking about, 522 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:47,402 but what I'm saying is that you need to find a way between the 523 00:22:47,442 --> 00:22:52,105 two of you to cultivate something that you both want to 524 00:22:52,144 --> 00:22:56,009 work on together, to talk about together, to engage in together, 525 00:22:56,009 --> 00:23:03,743 to work through together, and there's nowhere in the manual of 526 00:23:03,743 --> 00:23:06,345 any kind of manual that says you have to have the exact same 527 00:23:06,866 --> 00:23:09,924 likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, opinions. 528 00:23:09,924 --> 00:23:11,906 In fact, it's better when you don't. 529 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,788 Speaker 2: I think it's more exciting when you can come 530 00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:15,190 together. 531 00:23:15,190 --> 00:23:22,416 So many of our like our DIY projects. 532 00:23:22,858 --> 00:23:23,220 Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness. 533 00:23:23,681 --> 00:23:28,488 Speaker 2: We've had so many laughs with my measurements and 534 00:23:29,549 --> 00:23:33,276 a furniture or we're painting something. 535 00:23:35,063 --> 00:23:37,068 Speaker 1: I feel like I get PTSD when we talk about your 536 00:23:37,088 --> 00:23:37,431 measuring. 537 00:23:38,340 --> 00:23:39,605 Speaker 2: Just to move on quickly. 538 00:23:39,605 --> 00:23:40,406 No, no, no, no, no. 539 00:23:40,406 --> 00:23:41,108 I think we need to pause. 540 00:23:41,108 --> 00:23:41,990 I just think that. 541 00:23:42,259 --> 00:23:44,083 Speaker 1: And we need to talk about the bureau that I brought 542 00:23:44,124 --> 00:23:47,249 home, that you measured and thought was going to fit, and 543 00:23:47,308 --> 00:23:50,875 hung out the back of the car two feet that's right and I had to 544 00:23:50,976 --> 00:23:53,681 get the strap from the guy that sold it to me, because his wife 545 00:23:53,761 --> 00:23:57,269 did the exact same thing and that guy where he got the strap 546 00:23:57,289 --> 00:23:58,780 was the other guy that had had. 547 00:23:58,780 --> 00:24:01,771 That happened to him and I came home in a car that beeped all 548 00:24:01,791 --> 00:24:06,207 the way on me because you measured two feet wrong yeah it 549 00:24:06,247 --> 00:24:06,808 was impressive. 550 00:24:06,808 --> 00:24:07,530 I. 551 00:24:07,991 --> 00:24:12,325 But boy, did it spark a conversation when you came home 552 00:24:12,445 --> 00:24:15,244 and we could laugh about it, and here's the value that we 553 00:24:15,305 --> 00:24:17,923 learned from that people is that I do all the measuring. 554 00:24:18,404 --> 00:24:18,905 Speaker 2: That's right. 555 00:24:19,828 --> 00:24:20,210 Speaker 1: All of it. 556 00:24:21,031 --> 00:24:21,413 Speaker 2: Right, but. 557 00:24:21,882 --> 00:24:23,709 Speaker 1: And the percentages off of discounts. 558 00:24:24,220 --> 00:24:25,724 Speaker 2: I think you know that meme. 559 00:24:25,724 --> 00:24:31,590 Girl Maps when the person's measuring with their hands and 560 00:24:31,631 --> 00:24:34,163 then they they carry their hands from what they were measuring 561 00:24:34,223 --> 00:24:35,105 to the new piece. 562 00:24:35,105 --> 00:24:42,568 That may be me and it keeps it exciting as soon as I say I 563 00:24:42,608 --> 00:24:44,553 found this thing online. 564 00:24:44,553 --> 00:24:48,545 His brian's like he's turned off the tv boy. 565 00:24:48,545 --> 00:24:50,546 Do I get his attention really quickly? 566 00:24:50,839 --> 00:24:52,907 Speaker 1: Yeah, when she walks by me with a tape measure, I'm 567 00:24:52,928 --> 00:24:54,646 like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa what's going on? 568 00:24:55,339 --> 00:24:56,665 Speaker 2: Why is there a tape measure? 569 00:24:57,404 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: Or when you have your hands six inches apart and 570 00:24:59,220 --> 00:25:00,042 you're walking with them. 571 00:25:00,042 --> 00:25:01,809 Rigid, that's right. 572 00:25:01,809 --> 00:25:05,300 What we're saying is that these things are important for your 573 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:05,801 relationship. 574 00:25:05,801 --> 00:25:08,769 To find the things that spark conversation, that spark 575 00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:11,371 challenging each other, that help you think about opinions 576 00:25:11,451 --> 00:25:12,558 and perspectives, right. 577 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,768 Speaker 2: It helps deepen that emotional bond. 578 00:25:14,768 --> 00:25:17,787 We talked last time about emotional yeah. 579 00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:22,606 Speaker 1: Two, two episodes ago , but emotional intimacy yeah. 580 00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:25,926 Speaker 2: Right, this just helps deepen that bond that you 581 00:25:25,946 --> 00:25:27,410 have Absolutely. 582 00:25:27,810 --> 00:25:29,743 Speaker 1: And so there, there, you've heard a lot about our, 583 00:25:29,844 --> 00:25:33,385 some of our story here, and then is I think that what we want to 584 00:25:33,385 --> 00:25:37,228 say is just if you're struggling to find something to 585 00:25:37,407 --> 00:25:40,861 to communicate about, to talk about, to your finding, maybe 586 00:25:40,881 --> 00:25:42,125 there's just a lull in conversation. 587 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:45,826 It could literally be anything that sparks interest in it. 588 00:25:45,826 --> 00:25:48,530 And actually, just, even if you have to pretend for a little 589 00:25:48,570 --> 00:25:50,413 while, Yep Share ideas. 590 00:25:53,339 --> 00:25:55,105 I think that is just as basic as you can get or share, even 591 00:25:55,126 --> 00:25:57,443 share a dream that you have, Like, hey, I really want to go 592 00:25:57,483 --> 00:25:58,888 to Ireland before I'm 35. 593 00:25:58,888 --> 00:26:00,403 Right, I mean, I'm way older than that. 594 00:26:00,403 --> 00:26:02,619 But I'm just saying, like, whatever your dream is, I 595 00:26:02,660 --> 00:26:06,105 actually really want to go stand on the Great Wall of China, or 596 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:08,147 I really want to go swim with sharks, whatever that. 597 00:26:08,147 --> 00:26:12,575 But if you're struggling with that communication, just work it 598 00:26:12,575 --> 00:26:15,987 out together, but don't quit, because it got a little bit too 599 00:26:16,307 --> 00:26:18,962 too hard and you're just you've got into the pattern of well, 600 00:26:18,982 --> 00:26:20,709 we're not going to communicate anyway, so I'm not going to push 601 00:26:20,709 --> 00:26:21,210 forward with it. 602 00:26:21,601 --> 00:26:21,901 Speaker 2: And there's. 603 00:26:21,901 --> 00:26:24,526 There's a sort of a domino effect. 604 00:26:24,526 --> 00:26:28,491 When you are sharing ideas, then you're learning together, 605 00:26:29,193 --> 00:26:31,758 which promotes engaging conversations. 606 00:26:31,778 --> 00:26:31,998 Speaker 1: Right. 607 00:26:32,641 --> 00:26:35,528 Speaker 2: That might bring up some differing of opinions and 608 00:26:35,647 --> 00:26:39,618 interests, but it provides you a way to work through that. 609 00:26:39,940 --> 00:26:40,059 Speaker 1: Yeah. 610 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,748 Speaker 2: Helps keep the relationship, in my opinion, 611 00:26:43,088 --> 00:26:48,087 really exciting One, because you , I don't think, know what I'm 612 00:26:48,127 --> 00:26:52,643 going to say at any given point, and vice versa I don't know 613 00:26:52,682 --> 00:26:55,892 what you're going to say or what idea you're going to bring up. 614 00:26:56,859 --> 00:27:00,869 Speaker 1: And so I can always tell by tone and how you start 615 00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:06,386 the conversation, like whenever you say so, I know that 616 00:27:06,446 --> 00:27:07,830 something weird is about to happen. 617 00:27:07,830 --> 00:27:09,385 I know that it's coming. 618 00:27:09,385 --> 00:27:11,363 I don't know what it's going to be, but I just know by tone 619 00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:14,028 that you're going to say something unpredictable. 620 00:27:14,028 --> 00:27:16,712 Or we should try this, or I think we should do this. 621 00:27:16,712 --> 00:27:17,074 That's right. 622 00:27:17,519 --> 00:27:18,321 Speaker 2: But you know what? 623 00:27:18,321 --> 00:27:21,089 What it does for both of us because you, you also do the 624 00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:21,550 same thing. 625 00:27:21,550 --> 00:27:25,502 It it helps us adapt to change Right. 626 00:27:25,502 --> 00:27:29,106 I don't want to be the same person with the same routine, 627 00:27:29,186 --> 00:27:30,607 even though I love my routine. 628 00:27:30,887 --> 00:27:31,107 Speaker 1: Right. 629 00:27:31,409 --> 00:27:34,592 Speaker 2: I don't want to still be doing the same things year 630 00:27:34,632 --> 00:27:35,432 after year after year. 631 00:27:35,732 --> 00:27:37,253 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, that's fair. 632 00:27:37,994 --> 00:27:40,836 Speaker 2: Right, so I think you can have fun with it. 633 00:27:40,836 --> 00:27:48,333 It doesn't have to be so hoity toity and smarty smarty. 634 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:49,257 I think it can just be as basic . 635 00:27:49,257 --> 00:27:54,827 As I read this book, I saw this quote and having that as a 636 00:27:54,867 --> 00:27:55,470 starting point. 637 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,943 Speaker 1: I read or I listened to a podcast again on the art of 638 00:27:58,943 --> 00:28:03,125 manliness one of my favorite podcasts and he had a gentleman 639 00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:05,191 on that talked about. 640 00:28:05,191 --> 00:28:11,182 He tracked the ways of super communicators what he called 641 00:28:11,201 --> 00:28:14,163 were super communicators, and he said the biggest difference 642 00:28:14,223 --> 00:28:18,682 with every person he ever communicated with that was what 643 00:28:18,741 --> 00:28:21,990 was called a super communicator was they asked more questions? 644 00:28:21,990 --> 00:28:26,161 And so, whatever conversation is, because I'm a pastor, I want 645 00:28:26,161 --> 00:28:28,087 to know what's happening in people's lives and what's going 646 00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:28,308 on. 647 00:28:28,308 --> 00:28:30,242 Do with my kids, do with Natalie. 648 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:32,288 So I ask questions Well, what about this? 649 00:28:32,288 --> 00:28:33,329 Or how did that happen? 650 00:28:33,329 --> 00:28:35,053 Or man, that sounds really cool , tell me about that. 651 00:28:35,053 --> 00:28:38,087 And with some of you do that you open like an open-ended 652 00:28:38,147 --> 00:28:40,260 question like, hey, how was your day? 653 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:44,546 Whatever you're going to ask, if you ask it in such a way that 654 00:28:44,546 --> 00:28:46,887 there's actually a reason to answer, then when you give the 655 00:28:46,988 --> 00:28:49,391 answer it can actually be expanded on and you have 656 00:28:49,411 --> 00:28:49,990 something to talk about. 657 00:28:50,332 --> 00:28:51,732 Speaker 2: Yeah, but you just ask questions. 658 00:28:51,873 --> 00:28:54,075 Speaker 1: Ask questions like just ask lots of questions. 659 00:28:54,556 --> 00:28:55,237 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great way. 660 00:28:55,457 --> 00:28:57,124 Speaker 1: Right, and that's just the way that some people 661 00:28:57,164 --> 00:29:02,320 are just super communicators with certain things, and so I 662 00:29:02,361 --> 00:29:06,003 think that, if you don't know again, just spark a conversation 663 00:29:06,003 --> 00:29:07,786 , ask a question how was your day? 664 00:29:07,786 --> 00:29:10,768 Tell me about your day, open up the question a little bit more. 665 00:29:10,768 --> 00:29:13,931 Hey, what is one thing today that you really liked or really 666 00:29:13,971 --> 00:29:14,371 didn't like? 667 00:29:14,371 --> 00:29:17,433 What went right, what went wrong, whatever that may be 668 00:29:17,513 --> 00:29:21,017 right, like, and there's a certain way, just engage each 669 00:29:21,096 --> 00:29:21,876 other, yeah. 670 00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:31,884 In some fun and quirky things that you are interested, 671 00:29:31,924 --> 00:29:32,204 interested in. 672 00:29:32,204 --> 00:29:33,229 Get off your phones and get on no, that's. 673 00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:34,031 I can't say that that's inappropriate. 674 00:29:34,031 --> 00:29:35,617 Get off your phones, spend time with each other asking 675 00:29:35,637 --> 00:29:36,140 questions, all right. 676 00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:43,112 If you enjoy our podcast, if you want to share it with people 677 00:29:43,112 --> 00:29:44,594 , that means a great deal to us. 678 00:29:44,594 --> 00:29:45,742 It means a lot when you do that . 679 00:29:45,742 --> 00:29:48,371 But you can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook. 680 00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:52,906 If you have any questions or topic or anything you would like 681 00:29:52,906 --> 00:29:57,450 us to discuss, please email us at amplifiedmarriage at gmailcom 682 00:29:57,450 --> 00:29:57,450 . 683 00:29:57,450 --> 00:30:01,481 And, as you have heard us say many times, we believe that your 684 00:30:01,481 --> 00:30:04,829 marriage can be reset, refreshed recharged and restored 685 00:30:04,829 --> 00:30:04,829 . 686 00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:05,873 Thanks for listening. 687 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:10,202 Speaker 2: Talk to you soon, you .