WEBVTT 00:00:00.781 --> 00:00:09.714 Imagine this Natalie is glued to her latest courtroom drama, rattling off every detail about a case that could rival a soap opera. 00:00:09.714 --> 00:00:17.814 Meanwhile, brian, who's more interested in motorcycles and what's for dinner, finds himself nodding along trying to look engaged. 00:00:17.814 --> 00:00:18.181 Why? 00:00:18.181 --> 00:00:29.550 Because he's discovered that sometimes, just sometimes, intellectual intimacy means in to your spouse's world, even when it's filled with legal jargon and dramatic objections. 00:00:29.550 --> 00:00:35.551 And before he knows it, he's asking the question wait, so what happened to that guy with the blue tie? 00:00:35.551 --> 00:00:45.381 That, my friends, is the magic of intellectual intimacy finding connections in the quirks and passions that make your relationship uniquely yours. 00:00:45.381 --> 00:01:09.953 Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. 00:01:09.953 --> 00:01:10.593 I'm Brian. 00:01:10.694 --> 00:01:11.254 I'm Natalie. 00:01:12.394 --> 00:01:18.397 Well, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you hear us say grab a coffee, go for a run. 00:01:18.397 --> 00:01:23.319 We are about to step into the next episode of the Amplified Marriage podcast. 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:33.426 We are talking today about intellectual intimacy, and if you've missed the last couple weeks, you will know that we've talked about physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. 00:01:33.426 --> 00:01:35.487 So take a chance, go back and listen. 00:01:35.487 --> 00:01:36.844 You will definitely enjoy them. 00:01:37.326 --> 00:01:37.768 That's right. 00:01:37.768 --> 00:01:40.890 We're in our Pillars of Intimacy series. 00:01:41.319 --> 00:01:43.066 The Pillars of Intimacy. 00:01:43.066 --> 00:01:57.248 Today we're talking about intellectual intimacy and, as we were just before we started, the podcast Some giggles, some giggles because you were like well, you have to to talk to each other in order to engage with each other. 00:01:58.031 --> 00:01:58.311 Yeah. 00:01:58.591 --> 00:01:59.581 Or something along those lines. 00:02:00.605 --> 00:02:15.959 Yeah, it's hard to be married if you're not going to be communicating, and not just communicating like your wants and your needs and your desires and your future together, but communicating sort of the quirky things that make each other, yeah right. 00:02:15.959 --> 00:02:21.872 The weird, the weird, the you know, the things that you're passionate about that I might not be passionate about, and vice versa. 00:02:22.501 --> 00:02:40.485 It's being able to have a conversation and so here's a question for you do you think that you have to be matched intellectually, like in intellect, like, in order to stay engaged as a married couple? 00:02:40.485 --> 00:02:48.802 No thank goodness, because you're way smarter than I am um, here's the thing how do you not even blink? 00:02:49.403 --> 00:03:06.234 you just keep on going like nothing was said, like oh yeah, no, I know I am, I just keep wow I'm not and I was going to say that for the longest time I used and, like he says, I'm smarter. 00:03:06.234 --> 00:03:14.026 Okay, I have post-secondary education whoop-dee-doo and I can lift heavy things there you go. 00:03:14.026 --> 00:03:22.127 So um so many times I used that as a weapon you did early on in the relationship. 00:03:22.147 --> 00:03:30.448 You're like I went to school, I'm like sweet, so did I exactly and um, so I don't think you. 00:03:31.269 --> 00:03:34.433 I I think a marriage can work perfectly fine without you both. 00:03:34.433 --> 00:03:43.640 You know, if one is a doctor and some one's a janitor right, exactly, or one's a stay-at-home dad and mom's a lawyer. 00:03:43.842 --> 00:03:50.865 I think that you can make that work, see what we've seen in Hollywood and TV shows like even shows like the Big Bang Theory. 00:03:50.865 --> 00:03:52.650 I hate that show. 00:03:52.841 --> 00:03:55.740 I know, but the main character, penny. 00:03:55.740 --> 00:04:09.412 No, penny used to just date big dumb jocks and then she ended up dating a guy that was really really smart, geeky, not athletic, not very big and well-built or anything like that. 00:04:09.412 --> 00:04:14.032 And then they broke up, I think, and she would be dating these dumb guys and he would be wondering why. 00:04:14.032 --> 00:04:25.420 I think that you have to find someone that matches you, like whether or not it happened to be a guy that maybe he's a big dumb jock I don't think there's anyone that's out there that's super dumb. 00:04:25.420 --> 00:04:27.384 I mean, there probably is. 00:04:27.384 --> 00:04:33.086 But what I mean is that you you want to find the person across from you that you're sitting with, whether or not they're academic. 00:04:33.086 --> 00:04:36.103 They're not academic, they're athletic, they're not athletic. 00:04:36.103 --> 00:04:39.252 Whatever it is that's going to match you and who you are. 00:04:39.432 --> 00:04:43.607 And you're intellectual, like there's definitely things like even in our relationship. 00:04:43.607 --> 00:04:45.509 You're really smart when it comes to medical things. 00:04:45.509 --> 00:04:46.230 You've always have been. 00:04:46.230 --> 00:04:50.245 You went to school, you did training, you were in the medical field for quite a few years. 00:04:50.245 --> 00:04:51.427 You've done all kinds. 00:04:51.427 --> 00:04:58.841 I'm not very sharp in that, but I'm also sharp in other areas, and so I think that what we match in when it comes to intelligence or intellectual things. 00:04:58.841 --> 00:04:59.903 Is that we there's? 00:04:59.903 --> 00:05:09.427 There's a lot of things that you like that I think are stupid, right, right, and maybe I don't say it that way, maybe I do, no, I don't think you articulate it like that. 00:05:09.540 --> 00:05:10.422 I don't feel like you think. 00:05:10.422 --> 00:05:16.014 I feel like you just know that you're going to be in for a long-winded explanation. 00:05:17.502 --> 00:05:22.769 And like here's the truth, Like that opening that we had, it is absolutely the truth. 00:05:22.790 --> 00:05:30.939 It is 100% true, because I want to engage with her in conversation, because I love her and I care for her and I like that she's happy with her dumb shows that she's watching. 00:05:30.939 --> 00:05:35.288 I regret the moment I ask hey, which case are you watching now? 00:05:35.288 --> 00:05:38.223 Because I literally just wanted to know what the name of it was. 00:05:38.223 --> 00:05:43.153 A one-line synopsis this guy killed blah blah, blah and that be that. 00:05:43.153 --> 00:05:54.822 But no, I actually get now the history of the killer, the history of the lawyer, the history of the second lawyer, the names of the third and fourth lawyers that are working on the case, that are actually not even in the room, the judge's shoe size. 00:05:54.822 --> 00:06:04.951 I get all kinds of stuff and I just want to know what case and literally what, what happened, and then tell me at the end what the what, the final verdict was like. 00:06:04.951 --> 00:06:06.641 That's all I need to know. 00:06:06.641 --> 00:06:09.507 But you will give me that long winded response. 00:06:09.586 --> 00:06:11.331 Exactly Now we'll. 00:06:11.331 --> 00:06:12.273 We'll talk about that. 00:06:12.273 --> 00:06:16.399 Okay, we're going to talk about that to just piggy or not piggyback. 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:21.992 But go back to your comment regarding being sort of like intellectually compatible. 00:06:21.992 --> 00:06:31.225 I think it can work if you are not talking down yes to you don't think you're superior to the other one, right? 00:06:31.285 --> 00:06:45.288 because they, you know, um, they, if you're a chef, that they, they can't cook and then you like, they're made to to feel inferior because they, they might not excel at cooking or whatever it might be Right. 00:06:45.288 --> 00:06:56.812 Yeah, so I think that that someone I don't think you know, two people who are accountants are like best paired for each other. 00:06:56.831 --> 00:06:57.233 No. 00:06:57.273 --> 00:06:57.853 Do you know what I mean? 00:06:57.853 --> 00:07:06.026 So I think it can work where one one is an accountant and one um works in a clothing store. 00:07:06.165 --> 00:07:06.767 Do know what I mean. 00:07:06.788 --> 00:07:09.507 Like I think it doesn't have to be if we've seen any. 00:07:09.586 --> 00:07:24.291 If you see anything, you see people of varying intelligences, but because people are usually intelligent in a particular field, right like we have, we have couples that one was a nail tech or a salon and they were an electrician or a carpenter. 00:07:24.291 --> 00:07:26.014 They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did is they found a salon and they were an electrician or a carpenter. 00:07:26.014 --> 00:07:31.163 They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did is they found a way that they, too, can come connect with their mind in a whatever way that happened to be. 00:07:31.163 --> 00:07:59.278 Now, even when we're talking about intellectual intimacy, we should probably define a little bit of what it is and really, when you're it, it is literally the the act of sharing ideas with each other and discussions that actually bring about just meaningful, valuable, helpful, funny, intense, deep, cerebral, ethereal type conversations that stimulate relationship between you and your partner. 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:04.920 That's right, and we were just talking about this the other day, leading up to this episode. 00:08:04.920 --> 00:08:06.382 And we were just talking about this the other day. 00:08:06.382 --> 00:08:16.432 Leading up to this episode, I didn't realize, but it dawned on me the not, maybe the intrigue that's probably not the right word when it comes to like true crime watching. 00:08:17.353 --> 00:08:18.595 How does Natalie relax folks? 00:08:18.595 --> 00:08:20.317 She relaxes by watching true crime. 00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:29.641 That's right. 00:08:29.661 --> 00:08:46.013 So there's something to be said about watching a particularly violent, disturbing disturbing case and having an appreciation for choices that I've made in my life that led you down a different path. 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:52.841 That led me down a different path, right and, or looking at you, know you? 00:08:52.841 --> 00:09:01.254 And just being so grateful that I was as picky as I was marrying you. 00:09:01.254 --> 00:09:01.956 Do you know what I mean? 00:09:01.956 --> 00:09:04.842 And it just it kind of it sparks conversation. 00:09:05.190 --> 00:09:12.451 Right, so many so many times be like I cannot fathom, you know, especially when it's cases involving children. 00:09:12.451 --> 00:09:19.961 Um, those are really really really hard on the one hand. 00:09:19.961 --> 00:09:34.172 On the other hand, when you see some of these cases roll through, with women suffering from postpartum as I have suffered from postpartum but made different choices in that there's an. 00:09:34.172 --> 00:09:40.381 It's horrific, but there's there's a, an empathy of I. 00:09:40.381 --> 00:09:51.634 Had I not made the those, the decisions that led me down the path that I'm on, who's to say that I would not have landed where these women find themselves, or these men, or whoever? 00:09:51.674 --> 00:10:11.918 it might be, so it sparks conversation and reflection on holy cow on holy cow, like, aren't we all one, one or multiple decisions away from from a different outcome? 00:10:11.918 --> 00:10:12.279 Yeah, that is true. 00:10:12.279 --> 00:10:17.277 I think that when you're, you're looking, you're watching the news or you're you're like, you see those channels. 00:10:17.277 --> 00:10:28.442 I remember back in the old days when they had uh, back in the old days when man, I can't believe I'm saying that, but when they would have police shows and it was like criminals biggest blunders, or those are the funny ones or the serious ones. 00:10:28.442 --> 00:10:33.851 You're like this is someone who, or they show the pictures of someone before meth and then aftermath. 00:10:33.851 --> 00:10:35.136 You're like, man, I can't. 00:10:35.136 --> 00:10:39.231 I'm so thankful for the decisions that I was made, the upbringing that I had, and it does. 00:10:39.231 --> 00:10:40.293 It does bring that around. 00:10:40.333 --> 00:10:51.176 But also, um, a lot of times, these things have sparked conversation about how are we going to talk to our kids about this, especially when they were younger, how we're going to talk to our kids about this particular situation. 00:10:51.176 --> 00:10:58.932 Or they heard something at school oh, I heard this about this family and you're like, yeah, that's actually true, this is what happened and you have to now. 00:10:58.932 --> 00:11:00.235 It sparks opportunity. 00:11:00.235 --> 00:11:28.259 So not only does it it, it brings you two together, where you're growing together because you're having these deep conversations and that actually brings about an ability to know each other deeper and how you think and how your thought process, thought processes, think I can actually say things like nat I know you're going to say no to this and like even today, our son is driving an hour away out of town and I said said to you over the phone, you didn't, you were nervous about him driving from here to that place out of town. 00:11:28.429 --> 00:11:29.836 And I said that's fair. 00:11:29.836 --> 00:11:36.475 But I said I trust my son and it's your heart talking, or your head knows it's true, but your heart doesn't know the difference. 00:11:36.475 --> 00:11:47.659 And I can say to you I know you but I've learned that over conversations over us having to fight for our values together, having to fight over I don't mean fight as in we're angry at each other. 00:11:47.679 --> 00:11:49.601 I'm talking like we fight for these things together. 00:11:49.601 --> 00:11:52.785 And so we believe in our son, we trust in our son that he's going to do that. 00:11:52.785 --> 00:12:01.437 Your head is telling you, yes, I understand he's a good driver, but your heart is being a mama and it's being like, and so I can say to you sweetie, I trust him, you're, I trust him, you're. 00:12:01.437 --> 00:12:07.710 I understand where you are, I understand this and here, instead of what I would have done in the old days, no, no, he can just do it, it's on whatever. 00:12:08.011 --> 00:12:09.423 I don't care what your feelings, just go do it. 00:12:09.423 --> 00:12:09.966 I was like no, no. 00:12:09.966 --> 00:12:20.116 I understand, but I wouldn't have got to that place of understanding with you if I not had to spend that time getting to know that part of you you is. 00:12:20.116 --> 00:12:27.676 You like these weird true crime things, but that's just something that sparks conversation and so 100 we're talking about intellectual conversations. 00:12:28.037 --> 00:12:30.261 It does like they. 00:12:30.261 --> 00:12:40.898 I can say to anyone at work oh, natalie, I asked natalie about a true crime podcast and they'd be like oh, they know just that. 00:12:40.898 --> 00:12:44.408 Like any one of your friends would be like yeah, I know you got the long answer, didn't you? 00:12:44.408 --> 00:12:51.753 It's's like, yeah, like it promotes growth for each of you, because now you're having conversations about things you may never Exactly Not. 00:12:51.773 --> 00:12:52.296 I'm not talking. 00:12:52.296 --> 00:12:55.070 I feel like I'm laying, not the true crime, no, but just Like. 00:12:55.110 --> 00:13:11.740 Lay that aside because we've mentioned like it has really sparked conversations about the kind of people that we want to be, but also documentaries and stupid things we see and other podcasts that you're listening to really spark conversations on communication and conversations on dealing with conflict and things like that. 00:13:12.510 --> 00:13:15.139 Like the hostage negotiator guy. 00:13:17.154 --> 00:13:18.719 Oh yeah, Chris Voss. 00:13:19.220 --> 00:13:20.510 Right, incredible Like. 00:13:20.530 --> 00:13:25.354 If you have not listened to his podcast, you need to yeah, and the other one that I talk about the Art of manliness, but with Brett. 00:13:25.354 --> 00:13:27.317 Oh man, just one of my favorite podcasts. 00:13:27.317 --> 00:13:29.962 It's so good, anyone just listen to it. 00:13:32.950 --> 00:13:37.277 Like podcasts and true crime, but I think those are really great catalysts to open up conversations. 00:13:37.509 --> 00:13:40.015 But what you're doing, though, is you're challenging each other. 00:13:45.029 --> 00:13:46.053 You're challenging each other's thought processes. 00:13:46.053 --> 00:13:46.554 Well, why do you think? 00:13:46.554 --> 00:13:50.730 Like that especially if you're watching the news and then you can discuss, like current events well did you like? 00:13:51.110 --> 00:13:51.331 here's? 00:13:51.331 --> 00:13:51.913 Here's the thing. 00:13:51.913 --> 00:13:52.817 Here's one of those. 00:13:52.817 --> 00:14:01.248 A few years ago, when trump won in 2016, there was a couple that made the news all over social media because they had only been dating for a short time. 00:14:01.248 --> 00:14:03.995 They didn't know each other's political affiliations. 00:14:03.995 --> 00:14:05.821 Trump wins in 2016. 00:14:05.821 --> 00:14:06.422 They were dating. 00:14:06.422 --> 00:14:08.738 She broke up with him because he supported Trump, but she didn't. 00:14:08.738 --> 00:14:13.870 What do you get from not communicating and not engaging with each other? 00:14:13.870 --> 00:14:16.875 They were dating for a significant amount of time, like eight or nine months. 00:14:16.875 --> 00:14:18.255 It was a relationship. 00:14:19.630 --> 00:14:22.360 They must not have got to political views. 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:26.339 And actually, now that you mention that, I don't even think we even chatted about. 00:14:26.679 --> 00:14:27.822 Not before we were married. 00:14:27.822 --> 00:14:29.918 No, we just assumed that we were both on the same page. 00:14:30.692 --> 00:14:40.621 Not really thinking about politics that much when you're young no, but I mean to that couple that was like being able to know that that's a deal breaker for you. 00:14:40.621 --> 00:14:41.826 Yeah Right. 00:14:43.370 --> 00:14:43.912 But like. 00:14:43.912 --> 00:14:46.359 I said you need to. 00:14:46.359 --> 00:14:52.979 And here's the thing is that oftentimes in our coaching I've heard a couple say well, I just don't know what to talk to her about, or him about. 00:14:52.979 --> 00:14:54.753 We have nothing to talk about. 00:14:54.753 --> 00:14:55.394 I'm like are you kidding? 00:14:55.634 --> 00:14:56.475 Are you reading a book? 00:14:56.475 --> 00:14:58.000 Chat about the book. 00:14:58.380 --> 00:14:58.600 Yeah. 00:14:58.681 --> 00:14:59.602 Were you reading the Bible? 00:15:00.029 --> 00:15:11.197 Chat about the Bible and, honestly, this is some of the times when I know that if I ask Natalie how was your day, I'm going to get a list of things of how your day was. 00:15:11.197 --> 00:15:19.732 This happened with work and we had this fun thing that happened in my job and my boss said this and it was a good day or it was, it was a bad day and it was whatever day it was. 00:15:19.732 --> 00:15:20.634 It was, it was just it was. 00:15:20.634 --> 00:15:23.657 But I'll get a list of things and Natalie will ask well, how was your day? 00:15:23.657 --> 00:15:24.298 Oh, it was good. 00:15:24.938 --> 00:15:25.659 That's not good enough. 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:31.446 And I've learned over the years Natalie, you didn't let me finish is that that's not good enough? 00:15:31.446 --> 00:15:38.957 She wants details as much as I don't want to provide her details because I'm like the day was good, there was nothing out of the ordinary to explain. 00:15:39.821 --> 00:15:45.312 Exactly, but that doesn't like. 00:15:45.312 --> 00:15:48.129 Part of this whole idea of having intellectual intimacy is bringing each other into each other's worlds. 00:15:48.129 --> 00:15:57.543 Right, right and it doesn't matter what we're doing, and if the day was so boring, I don't care. 00:16:00.192 --> 00:16:08.065 Yeah, and the thing is to that end, you don't care about motorcycle things no you want to care. 00:16:09.712 --> 00:16:10.475 I just have. 00:16:10.514 --> 00:16:17.323 I know that you try to care, but I'll be like I'll show her a bike that I think is like man, this motorcycle is so nice, I love the handlebars. 00:16:17.323 --> 00:16:18.710 Look at the size of that back tire. 00:16:18.710 --> 00:16:20.836 And this thing is just got nice curves. 00:16:20.836 --> 00:16:22.441 And she looks at and she's like, yeah, it's okay. 00:16:22.441 --> 00:16:23.974 Like, are you kidding me? 00:16:23.974 --> 00:16:25.918 I need you to love this like I do right now. 00:16:25.918 --> 00:16:33.442 Like this is, this is the bike I want to have when I'm an adult, there is a bike if you say, harley, I'm going to be upset it is not a harley. 00:16:33.582 --> 00:16:35.072 I think those things are ugly. 00:16:35.072 --> 00:16:36.033 Sorry, uncle dan. 00:16:36.033 --> 00:16:42.263 Um, I am very fond of hondaadows. 00:16:42.503 --> 00:16:45.587 I have an old Honda Shadow I know, and I like your bike. 00:16:45.727 --> 00:16:48.535 Yeah, but was it the Phantom? 00:16:48.937 --> 00:16:49.860 Oh yeah, you like the Phantom. 00:16:50.649 --> 00:16:52.417 That is a really really nice bike. 00:16:52.437 --> 00:16:53.178 It is a very nice bike. 00:16:53.178 --> 00:16:55.318 Not enough CCs for me, but it's a nice bike. 00:16:55.318 --> 00:16:55.640 I get it. 00:16:55.710 --> 00:16:57.109 Matte black, and I'll just leave it at that. 00:16:57.269 --> 00:16:57.892 Matte, black, wow. 00:16:57.912 --> 00:16:59.514 People with that look like it. 00:16:59.556 --> 00:17:01.721 So we just wanted to give you some funny examples. 00:17:01.721 --> 00:17:08.239 We've talked a little bit about the things that we are weird about in our relationship, like it was music or motorcycles for me. 00:17:08.590 --> 00:17:13.101 And these are like huge areas that we find common ground in. 00:17:13.422 --> 00:17:13.863 We do now. 00:17:14.069 --> 00:17:17.958 Because, though I'm musical, I hate going into the music store. 00:17:17.978 --> 00:17:18.258 I know you do. 00:17:18.598 --> 00:17:19.480 It is the worst. 00:17:19.480 --> 00:17:21.223 It is the worst. 00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:23.278 I noticed that you have a lot more patience for a middle son. 00:17:25.490 --> 00:17:27.369 Yes, and I do have patience for you Than you ever did for me. 00:17:27.369 --> 00:17:27.832 Is there a? 00:17:27.872 --> 00:17:28.537 reason for that. 00:17:28.537 --> 00:17:29.644 I'd like to know. 00:17:29.644 --> 00:17:37.176 Can we tell our listeners why you have more patience for our middle son than the one you married first? 00:17:37.430 --> 00:17:41.195 I will tell the listeners that there is a. 00:17:41.631 --> 00:17:43.057 There's some sass on your face right now. 00:17:45.410 --> 00:17:47.031 Marriage is sacrifice, wow. 00:17:47.031 --> 00:17:51.218 And going to the music store is an act of sacrifice. 00:17:52.038 --> 00:17:52.940 But for my son. 00:17:54.001 --> 00:17:55.262 And I dislike going. 00:17:55.262 --> 00:17:57.086 Even it's not. 00:17:57.086 --> 00:18:00.016 I like the company I'm with, I just don't like the location. 00:18:00.309 --> 00:18:02.549 Yeah, just like when our oldest starts talking to you about computer parts. 00:18:02.549 --> 00:18:10.717 You could sit there for half an hour and he pretty much and I try to understand and he pretty much just spoke Korean for the last 30 minutes and you're like, oh man, that's awesome Sud. 00:18:10.910 --> 00:18:16.179 We're not going to have the same interest, and I think that's what makes it fun. 00:18:17.082 --> 00:18:17.482 That definitely. 00:18:17.482 --> 00:18:30.790 So we just want to get into or maybe that you have gotten into, but some couples might get into deep debate about life over coffee. 00:18:31.352 --> 00:18:46.040 You know I had a or deep debate about coffee yeah, that's because I was a barista and when, prior to us dating and I fancied myself a coffee connoisseur, I knew where all the coffees came from. 00:18:46.040 --> 00:18:47.241 I knew their weird names. 00:18:47.522 --> 00:18:53.818 Yeah, you did and all the, and I just wanted I didn't actually really drink coffee until a few years into us dating Exactly. 00:18:54.352 --> 00:18:55.651 Or even to married Right. 00:18:55.651 --> 00:18:57.458 It gave us something to talk about, right. 00:18:57.458 --> 00:18:58.515 Do you like coffee? 00:18:58.515 --> 00:18:59.851 Well, I like coffee too. 00:18:59.871 --> 00:19:09.196 So here's what happened is I would go into stores like coffee places and I would order usually just a black coffee of some kind, because I actually really like a nice dark, roast black coffee. 00:19:09.196 --> 00:19:15.281 She would order whatever weird, funny, fruity or sweet thing that she would get. 00:19:15.281 --> 00:19:17.864 It was always so much better than my black coffee. 00:19:17.864 --> 00:19:29.496 So eventually over the years I just learned to that I'll just have what she has, unless I know that I like whatever it is, I'll just have what Natalie's having, because it's so much better than whatever I'm going to get. 00:19:29.516 --> 00:19:29.777 That's right. 00:19:29.777 --> 00:19:30.759 So I mean whatever your interests are. 00:19:30.778 --> 00:19:34.856 It could be solving crossword puzzles, if that's a thing for you, or playing video games together. 00:19:34.856 --> 00:19:35.479 That's a big thing. 00:19:35.479 --> 00:19:38.817 There's a whole thing about gamer culture that's happening in the world, or you? 00:19:38.817 --> 00:19:44.243 Watch documentaries or I love documentaries I know, not just crime documentaries yeah, I love documentaries I know you do. 00:19:44.263 --> 00:19:45.027 And not just crime documentaries. 00:19:45.047 --> 00:19:54.278 Yeah, I love animal documentaries, see or like here's one is you get into arguments, playful, fun, joyous arguments about who would win in a super fight. 00:19:54.278 --> 00:19:56.073 A superhero would. 00:19:56.073 --> 00:19:57.357 What superhero would win in a fight. 00:19:57.357 --> 00:20:01.164 Now, I've never done that with Natalie, but I have done that with really good friends, man friends. 00:20:01.508 --> 00:20:02.837 Okay, so who do you think would win? 00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:03.662 Over what? 00:20:03.662 --> 00:20:07.567 Who's the Pick two superheroes? 00:20:07.567 --> 00:20:09.967 I bet you they don't even come from the same universe. 00:20:10.047 --> 00:20:10.528 Probably not. 00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:13.766 You probably will pick a DC and a Marvel one, thinking they're from DC. 00:20:14.166 --> 00:20:17.394 Oh gosh Pick one, spider-man and Venom. 00:20:18.760 --> 00:20:21.369 Oh, why would you choose such a challenging one? 00:20:21.369 --> 00:20:24.308 Because they have a whole comic book series, many, many books about. 00:20:24.328 --> 00:20:28.797 Exactly, I think it would be Venom, personally, and I agree, and Venom happens to be my favorite anti-hero. 00:20:28.797 --> 00:20:29.400 See, we don't even disagree. 00:20:29.640 --> 00:20:30.282 You've got to pick someone. 00:20:30.282 --> 00:20:34.906 We disagree on Scarlet Witch versus Batman, or Scarlet Scarlet, never mind, let's just move on. 00:20:34.906 --> 00:20:35.689 This is going to get weird. 00:20:35.689 --> 00:20:38.634 What superhero that would be one thing. 00:20:38.634 --> 00:20:43.888 Or maybe Natalie, my brother-in-law me all the time. 00:20:43.888 --> 00:20:47.613 The fact that I can just pick out an actor and I'll do this now. 00:20:47.613 --> 00:20:49.013 Oh yeah, that was for this person. 00:20:49.013 --> 00:20:51.536 They played in the movie, and jeremy will make some snide cut. 00:20:51.536 --> 00:20:56.253 Oh yeah, he was the key grip that played with the second director no one's ever heard of. 00:20:56.253 --> 00:20:59.323 I just happen to remember people's names that's right. 00:20:59.343 --> 00:21:05.021 That's why I'm good at that at church when, when we're in a trivia game, um, that knowledge is excellent. 00:21:05.021 --> 00:21:07.691 Yeah, but rarely are we in a trivia game about that knowledge is excellent. 00:21:08.071 --> 00:21:10.740 Yeah, but rarely are we at a trivia game about actors' names. 00:21:10.921 --> 00:21:18.724 If we could be at a trivia game and if we were playing like Trivial Pursuit, that would be really handy skill. 00:21:18.724 --> 00:21:23.009 Right and we would certainly appreciate it at that point. 00:21:23.549 --> 00:21:30.009 Yeah, and I think that just what we're trying to get to is that you need to find a way between the two of you. 00:21:30.621 --> 00:21:33.150 And sometimes we've done this when we're coaching. 00:21:33.150 --> 00:21:41.429 It's like, look, you want to go home and just play video games, or you want to go home and just listen to music, or you want to go home and set out in your shop, whatever it is. 00:21:41.429 --> 00:21:44.869 She wants you to, and this is like I'm talking from a guy and a girl point of view. 00:21:44.869 --> 00:21:54.929 She wants you to tell you about your day, what did you do, the things that happen, what are your hopes and dreams. 00:21:54.929 --> 00:21:57.858 And the truth is, ladies, sometimes when you ask us what are you thinking about, it genuinely is nothing. 00:21:57.858 --> 00:21:58.964 We're not thinking about anything. 00:21:58.964 --> 00:22:01.840 We were thinking about anything and if it was, it was gonna be something trivial. 00:22:01.840 --> 00:22:06.028 Like man, why does the pedal stick on my car like I can't? 00:22:06.028 --> 00:22:07.171 What is a door handle? 00:22:07.171 --> 00:22:09.320 A little bit jiggly, like dumb things like that. 00:22:09.340 --> 00:22:14.222 It's not like we're thinking about the meaning of life or that whole dumb thing that came around for a little while. 00:22:14.222 --> 00:22:15.469 We're thinking about the roman empire. 00:22:15.469 --> 00:22:16.493 Do you know when? 00:22:16.493 --> 00:22:19.188 This is my personal frustration with that whole trend. 00:22:19.188 --> 00:22:24.806 Do you know when we were thinking about the roman empire, when some moron came up and said were you thinking about the roman empire? 00:22:24.806 --> 00:22:25.667 Then you're. 00:22:25.667 --> 00:22:26.188 Now I am. 00:22:26.188 --> 00:22:29.032 I wasn't Never once thought about that my entire life before that. 00:22:29.032 --> 00:22:29.714 There's no need to. 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:40.174 Well, thank goodness that we just don't care about the Roman Empire. 00:22:42.320 --> 00:23:09.924 It was not something that was worth talking about, but what I'm saying is that you need to find a way between the two of you to cultivate something that you both want to work on together, to talk about together, to engage in together, to work through together, and there's nowhere in the manual of any kind of manual that says you have to have the exact same likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, opinions. 00:23:09.924 --> 00:23:11.906 In fact, it's better when you don't. 00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.190 I think it's more exciting when you can come together. 00:23:15.190 --> 00:23:22.416 So many of our like our DIY projects. 00:23:22.858 --> 00:23:23.220 Oh, my goodness. 00:23:23.681 --> 00:23:33.276 We've had so many laughs with my measurements and a furniture or we're painting something. 00:23:35.063 --> 00:23:37.431 I feel like I get PTSD when we talk about your measuring. 00:23:38.340 --> 00:23:39.605 Just to move on quickly. 00:23:39.605 --> 00:23:40.406 No, no, no, no, no. 00:23:40.406 --> 00:23:41.108 I think we need to pause. 00:23:41.108 --> 00:23:41.990 I just think that. 00:23:42.259 --> 00:23:58.780 And we need to talk about the bureau that I brought home, that you measured and thought was going to fit, and hung out the back of the car two feet that's right and I had to get the strap from the guy that sold it to me, because his wife did the exact same thing and that guy where he got the strap was the other guy that had had. 00:23:58.780 --> 00:24:06.808 That happened to him and I came home in a car that beeped all the way on me because you measured two feet wrong yeah it was impressive. 00:24:06.808 --> 00:24:07.530 I. 00:24:07.991 --> 00:24:17.923 But boy, did it spark a conversation when you came home and we could laugh about it, and here's the value that we learned from that people is that I do all the measuring. 00:24:18.404 --> 00:24:18.905 That's right. 00:24:19.828 --> 00:24:20.210 All of it. 00:24:21.031 --> 00:24:21.413 Right, but. 00:24:21.882 --> 00:24:23.709 And the percentages off of discounts. 00:24:24.220 --> 00:24:25.724 I think you know that meme. 00:24:25.724 --> 00:24:35.105 Girl Maps when the person's measuring with their hands and then they they carry their hands from what they were measuring to the new piece. 00:24:35.105 --> 00:24:44.553 That may be me and it keeps it exciting as soon as I say I found this thing online. 00:24:44.553 --> 00:24:48.545 His brian's like he's turned off the tv boy. 00:24:48.545 --> 00:24:50.546 Do I get his attention really quickly? 00:24:50.839 --> 00:24:54.646 Yeah, when she walks by me with a tape measure, I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa what's going on? 00:24:55.339 --> 00:24:56.665 Why is there a tape measure? 00:24:57.404 --> 00:25:00.042 Or when you have your hands six inches apart and you're walking with them. 00:25:00.042 --> 00:25:01.809 Rigid, that's right. 00:25:01.809 --> 00:25:05.801 What we're saying is that these things are important for your relationship. 00:25:05.801 --> 00:25:12.558 To find the things that spark conversation, that spark challenging each other, that help you think about opinions and perspectives, right. 00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:14.768 It helps deepen that emotional bond. 00:25:14.768 --> 00:25:17.787 We talked last time about emotional yeah. 00:25:19.430 --> 00:25:22.606 Two, two episodes ago, but emotional intimacy yeah. 00:25:22.688 --> 00:25:27.410 Right, this just helps deepen that bond that you have Absolutely. 00:25:27.810 --> 00:25:42.125 And so there, there, you've heard a lot about our, some of our story here, and then is I think that what we want to say is just if you're struggling to find something to to communicate about, to talk about, to your finding, maybe there's just a lull in conversation. 00:25:42.125 --> 00:25:45.826 It could literally be anything that sparks interest in it. 00:25:45.826 --> 00:25:50.413 And actually, just, even if you have to pretend for a little while, Yep Share ideas. 00:25:53.339 --> 00:25:58.888 I think that is just as basic as you can get or share, even share a dream that you have, Like, hey, I really want to go to Ireland before I'm 35. 00:25:58.888 --> 00:26:00.403 Right, I mean, I'm way older than that. 00:26:00.403 --> 00:26:08.147 But I'm just saying, like, whatever your dream is, I actually really want to go stand on the Great Wall of China, or I really want to go swim with sharks, whatever that. 00:26:08.147 --> 00:26:21.210 But if you're struggling with that communication, just work it out together, but don't quit, because it got a little bit too too hard and you're just you've got into the pattern of well, we're not going to communicate anyway, so I'm not going to push forward with it. 00:26:21.601 --> 00:26:21.901 And there's. 00:26:21.901 --> 00:26:24.526 There's a sort of a domino effect. 00:26:24.526 --> 00:26:31.758 When you are sharing ideas, then you're learning together, which promotes engaging conversations. 00:26:31.778 --> 00:26:31.998 Right. 00:26:32.641 --> 00:26:39.618 That might bring up some differing of opinions and interests, but it provides you a way to work through that. 00:26:39.940 --> 00:26:40.059 Yeah. 00:26:40.320 --> 00:26:55.892 Helps keep the relationship, in my opinion, really exciting One, because you, I don't think, know what I'm going to say at any given point, and vice versa I don't know what you're going to say or what idea you're going to bring up. 00:26:56.859 --> 00:27:07.830 And so I can always tell by tone and how you start the conversation, like whenever you say so, I know that something weird is about to happen. 00:27:07.830 --> 00:27:09.385 I know that it's coming. 00:27:09.385 --> 00:27:14.028 I don't know what it's going to be, but I just know by tone that you're going to say something unpredictable. 00:27:14.028 --> 00:27:16.712 Or we should try this, or I think we should do this. 00:27:16.712 --> 00:27:17.074 That's right. 00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:18.321 But you know what? 00:27:18.321 --> 00:27:21.550 What it does for both of us because you, you also do the same thing. 00:27:21.550 --> 00:27:25.502 It it helps us adapt to change Right. 00:27:25.502 --> 00:27:30.607 I don't want to be the same person with the same routine, even though I love my routine. 00:27:30.887 --> 00:27:31.107 Right. 00:27:31.409 --> 00:27:35.432 I don't want to still be doing the same things year after year after year. 00:27:35.732 --> 00:27:37.253 Yeah, right, that's fair. 00:27:37.994 --> 00:27:40.836 Right, so I think you can have fun with it. 00:27:40.836 --> 00:27:48.333 It doesn't have to be so hoity toity and smarty smarty. 00:27:48.333 --> 00:27:49.257 I think it can just be as basic. 00:27:49.257 --> 00:27:55.470 As I read this book, I saw this quote and having that as a starting point. 00:27:55.680 --> 00:28:05.191 I read or I listened to a podcast again on the art of manliness one of my favorite podcasts and he had a gentleman on that talked about. 00:28:05.191 --> 00:28:21.990 He tracked the ways of super communicators what he called were super communicators, and he said the biggest difference with every person he ever communicated with that was what was called a super communicator was they asked more questions? 00:28:21.990 --> 00:28:28.308 And so, whatever conversation is, because I'm a pastor, I want to know what's happening in people's lives and what's going on. 00:28:28.308 --> 00:28:30.242 Do with my kids, do with Natalie. 00:28:30.242 --> 00:28:32.288 So I ask questions Well, what about this? 00:28:32.288 --> 00:28:33.329 Or how did that happen? 00:28:33.329 --> 00:28:35.053 Or man, that sounds really cool, tell me about that. 00:28:35.053 --> 00:28:40.260 And with some of you do that you open like an open-ended question like, hey, how was your day? 00:28:40.260 --> 00:28:49.990 Whatever you're going to ask, if you ask it in such a way that there's actually a reason to answer, then when you give the answer it can actually be expanded on and you have something to talk about. 00:28:50.332 --> 00:28:51.732 Yeah, but you just ask questions. 00:28:51.873 --> 00:28:54.075 Ask questions like just ask lots of questions. 00:28:54.556 --> 00:28:55.237 Yeah, that's a great way. 00:28:55.457 --> 00:29:07.786 Right, and that's just the way that some people are just super communicators with certain things, and so I think that, if you don't know again, just spark a conversation, ask a question how was your day? 00:29:07.786 --> 00:29:10.768 Tell me about your day, open up the question a little bit more. 00:29:10.768 --> 00:29:14.371 Hey, what is one thing today that you really liked or really didn't like? 00:29:14.371 --> 00:29:21.876 What went right, what went wrong, whatever that may be right, like, and there's a certain way, just engage each other, yeah. 00:29:30.700 --> 00:29:32.204 In some fun and quirky things that you are interested, interested in. 00:29:32.204 --> 00:29:33.229 Get off your phones and get on no, that's. 00:29:33.229 --> 00:29:34.031 I can't say that that's inappropriate. 00:29:34.031 --> 00:29:36.140 Get off your phones, spend time with each other asking questions, all right. 00:29:36.140 --> 00:29:44.594 If you enjoy our podcast, if you want to share it with people, that means a great deal to us. 00:29:44.594 --> 00:29:45.742 It means a lot when you do that. 00:29:45.742 --> 00:29:48.371 But you can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook. 00:29:48.371 --> 00:29:57.450 If you have any questions or topic or anything you would like us to discuss, please email us at amplifiedmarriage at gmailcom. 00:29:57.450 --> 00:30:04.829 And, as you have heard us say many times, we believe that your marriage can be reset, refreshed recharged and restored. 00:30:05.151 --> 00:30:05.873 Thanks for listening. 00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:10.202 Talk to you soon, you.