Speaker 1: Imagine this Natalie is glued to her latest courtroom drama, rattling off every detail about a case that could rival a soap opera.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, brian, who's more interested in motorcycles and what's for dinner, finds himself nodding along trying to look engaged.
Speaker 1: Why?
Speaker 1: Because he's discovered that sometimes, just sometimes, intellectual intimacy means in to your spouse's world, even when it's filled with legal jargon and dramatic objections.
Speaker 1: And before he knows it, he's asking the question wait, so what happened to that guy with the blue tie?
Speaker 1: That, my friends, is the magic of intellectual intimacy finding connections in the quirks and passions that make your relationship uniquely yours.
Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage.
Speaker 1: I'm Brian.
Speaker 2: I'm Natalie.
Speaker 1: Well, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you hear us say grab a coffee, go for a run.
Speaker 1: We are about to step into the next episode of the Amplified Marriage podcast.
Speaker 1: We are talking today about intellectual intimacy, and if you've missed the last couple weeks, you will know that we've talked about physical intimacy and emotional intimacy.
Speaker 1: So take a chance, go back and listen.
Speaker 1: You will definitely enjoy them.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 2: We're in our Pillars of Intimacy series.
Speaker 1: The Pillars of Intimacy.
Speaker 1: Today we're talking about intellectual intimacy and, as we were just before we started, the podcast Some giggles, some giggles because you were like well, you have to to talk to each other in order to engage with each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Or something along those lines.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard to be married if you're not going to be communicating, and not just communicating like your wants and your needs and your desires and your future together, but communicating sort of the quirky things that make each other, yeah right.
Speaker 2: The weird, the weird, the you know, the things that you're passionate about that I might not be passionate about, and vice versa.
Speaker 1: It's being able to have a conversation and so here's a question for you do you think that you have to be matched intellectually, like in intellect, like, in order to stay engaged as a married couple?
Speaker 1: No thank goodness, because you're way smarter than I am um, here's the thing how do you not even blink?
Speaker 2: you just keep on going like nothing was said, like oh yeah, no, I know I am, I just keep wow I'm not and I was going to say that for the longest time I used and, like he says, I'm smarter.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have post-secondary education whoop-dee-doo and I can lift heavy things there you go.
Speaker 2: So um so many times I used that as a weapon you did early on in the relationship.
Speaker 1: You're like I went to school, I'm like sweet, so did I exactly and um, so I don't think you.
Speaker 2: I I think a marriage can work perfectly fine without you both.
Speaker 2: You know, if one is a doctor and some one's a janitor right, exactly, or one's a stay-at-home dad and mom's a lawyer.
Speaker 1: I think that you can make that work, see what we've seen in Hollywood and TV shows like even shows like the Big Bang Theory.
Speaker 1: I hate that show.
Speaker 1: I know, but the main character, penny.
Speaker 1: No, penny used to just date big dumb jocks and then she ended up dating a guy that was really really smart, geeky, not athletic, not very big and well-built or anything like that.
Speaker 1: And then they broke up, I think, and she would be dating these dumb guys and he would be wondering why.
Speaker 1: I think that you have to find someone that matches you, like whether or not it happened to be a guy that maybe he's a big dumb jock I don't think there's anyone that's out there that's super dumb.
Speaker 1: I mean, there probably is.
Speaker 1: But what I mean is that you you want to find the person across from you that you're sitting with, whether or not they're academic.
Speaker 1: They're not academic, they're athletic, they're not athletic.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is that's going to match you and who you are.
Speaker 1: And you're intellectual, like there's definitely things like even in our relationship.
Speaker 1: You're really smart when it comes to medical things.
Speaker 1: You've always have been.
Speaker 1: You went to school, you did training, you were in the medical field for quite a few years.
Speaker 1: You've done all kinds.
Speaker 1: I'm not very sharp in that, but I'm also sharp in other areas, and so I think that what we match in when it comes to intelligence or intellectual things.
Speaker 1: Is that we there's?
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that you like that I think are stupid, right, right, and maybe I don't say it that way, maybe I do, no, I don't think you articulate it like that.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like you think.
Speaker 2: I feel like you just know that you're going to be in for a long-winded explanation.
Speaker 1: And like here's the truth, Like that opening that we had, it is absolutely the truth.
Speaker 1: It is 100% true, because I want to engage with her in conversation, because I love her and I care for her and I like that she's happy with her dumb shows that she's watching.
Speaker 1: I regret the moment I ask hey, which case are you watching now?
Speaker 1: Because I literally just wanted to know what the name of it was.
Speaker 1: A one-line synopsis this guy killed blah blah, blah and that be that.
Speaker 1: But no, I actually get now the history of the killer, the history of the lawyer, the history of the second lawyer, the names of the third and fourth lawyers that are working on the case, that are actually not even in the room, the judge's shoe size.
Speaker 1: I get all kinds of stuff and I just want to know what case and literally what, what happened, and then tell me at the end what the what, the final verdict was like.
Speaker 1: That's all I need to know.
Speaker 1: But you will give me that long winded response.
Speaker 2: Exactly Now we'll.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about that.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to talk about that to just piggy or not piggyback.
Speaker 2: But go back to your comment regarding being sort of like intellectually compatible.
Speaker 2: I think it can work if you are not talking down yes to you don't think you're superior to the other one, right?
Speaker 2: because they, you know, um, they, if you're a chef, that they, they can't cook and then you like, they're made to to feel inferior because they, they might not excel at cooking or whatever it might be Right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think that that someone I don't think you know, two people who are accountants are like best paired for each other.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So I think it can work where one one is an accountant and one um works in a clothing store.
Speaker 1: Do know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like I think it doesn't have to be if we've seen any.
Speaker 1: If you see anything, you see people of varying intelligences, but because people are usually intelligent in a particular field, right like we have, we have couples that one was a nail tech or a salon and they were an electrician or a carpenter.
Speaker 1: They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did is they found a salon and they were an electrician or a carpenter.
Speaker 1: They're smart in the things they're doing, but what they did is they found a way that they, too, can come connect with their mind in a whatever way that happened to be.
Speaker 1: Now, even when we're talking about intellectual intimacy, we should probably define a little bit of what it is and really, when you're it, it is literally the the act of sharing ideas with each other and discussions that actually bring about just meaningful, valuable, helpful, funny, intense, deep, cerebral, ethereal type conversations that stimulate relationship between you and your partner.
Speaker 2: That's right, and we were just talking about this the other day, leading up to this episode.
Speaker 2: And we were just talking about this the other day.
Speaker 2: Leading up to this episode, I didn't realize, but it dawned on me the not, maybe the intrigue that's probably not the right word when it comes to like true crime watching.
Speaker 1: How does Natalie relax folks?
Speaker 1: She relaxes by watching true crime.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: So there's something to be said about watching a particularly violent, disturbing disturbing case and having an appreciation for choices that I've made in my life that led you down a different path.
Speaker 2: That led me down a different path, right and, or looking at you, know you?
Speaker 2: And just being so grateful that I was as picky as I was marrying you.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And it just it kind of it sparks conversation.
Speaker 2: Right, so many so many times be like I cannot fathom, you know, especially when it's cases involving children.
Speaker 2: Um, those are really really really hard on the one hand.
Speaker 2: On the other hand, when you see some of these cases roll through, with women suffering from postpartum as I have suffered from postpartum but made different choices in that there's an.
Speaker 2: It's horrific, but there's there's a, an empathy of I.
Speaker 2: Had I not made the those, the decisions that led me down the path that I'm on, who's to say that I would not have landed where these women find themselves, or these men, or whoever?
Speaker 1: it might be, so it sparks conversation and reflection on holy cow on holy cow, like, aren't we all one, one or multiple decisions away from from a different outcome?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 1: I think that when you're, you're looking, you're watching the news or you're you're like, you see those channels.
Speaker 1: I remember back in the old days when they had uh, back in the old days when man, I can't believe I'm saying that, but when they would have police shows and it was like criminals biggest blunders, or those are the funny ones or the serious ones.
Speaker 1: You're like this is someone who, or they show the pictures of someone before meth and then aftermath.
Speaker 1: You're like, man, I can't.
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful for the decisions that I was made, the upbringing that I had, and it does.
Speaker 1: It does bring that around.
Speaker 1: But also, um, a lot of times, these things have sparked conversation about how are we going to talk to our kids about this, especially when they were younger, how we're going to talk to our kids about this particular situation.
Speaker 1: Or they heard something at school oh, I heard this about this family and you're like, yeah, that's actually true, this is what happened and you have to now.
Speaker 1: It sparks opportunity.
Speaker 1: So not only does it it, it brings you two together, where you're growing together because you're having these deep conversations and that actually brings about an ability to know each other deeper and how you think and how your thought process, thought processes, think I can actually say things like nat I know you're going to say no to this and like even today, our son is driving an hour away out of town and I said said to you over the phone, you didn't, you were nervous about him driving from here to that place out of town.
Speaker 1: And I said that's fair.
Speaker 1: But I said I trust my son and it's your heart talking, or your head knows it's true, but your heart doesn't know the difference.
Speaker 1: And I can say to you I know you but I've learned that over conversations over us having to fight for our values together, having to fight over I don't mean fight as in we're angry at each other.
Speaker 1: I'm talking like we fight for these things together.
Speaker 1: And so we believe in our son, we trust in our son that he's going to do that.
Speaker 1: Your head is telling you, yes, I understand he's a good driver, but your heart is being a mama and it's being like, and so I can say to you sweetie, I trust him, you're, I trust him, you're.
Speaker 1: I understand where you are, I understand this and here, instead of what I would have done in the old days, no, no, he can just do it, it's on whatever.
Speaker 1: I don't care what your feelings, just go do it.
Speaker 1: I was like no, no.
Speaker 1: I understand, but I wouldn't have got to that place of understanding with you if I not had to spend that time getting to know that part of you you is.
Speaker 1: You like these weird true crime things, but that's just something that sparks conversation and so 100 we're talking about intellectual conversations.
Speaker 1: It does like they.
Speaker 1: I can say to anyone at work oh, natalie, I asked natalie about a true crime podcast and they'd be like oh, they know just that.
Speaker 1: Like any one of your friends would be like yeah, I know you got the long answer, didn't you?
Speaker 1: It's's like, yeah, like it promotes growth for each of you, because now you're having conversations about things you may never Exactly Not.
Speaker 2: I'm not talking.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm laying, not the true crime, no, but just Like.
Speaker 1: Lay that aside because we've mentioned like it has really sparked conversations about the kind of people that we want to be, but also documentaries and stupid things we see and other podcasts that you're listening to really spark conversations on communication and conversations on dealing with conflict and things like that.
Speaker 2: Like the hostage negotiator guy.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Chris Voss.
Speaker 2: Right, incredible Like.
Speaker 1: If you have not listened to his podcast, you need to yeah, and the other one that I talk about the Art of manliness, but with Brett.
Speaker 1: Oh man, just one of my favorite podcasts.
Speaker 1: It's so good, anyone just listen to it.
Speaker 2: Like podcasts and true crime, but I think those are really great catalysts to open up conversations.
Speaker 1: But what you're doing, though, is you're challenging each other.
Speaker 2: You're challenging each other's thought processes.
Speaker 2: Well, why do you think?
Speaker 2: Like that especially if you're watching the news and then you can discuss, like current events well did you like?
Speaker 1: here's?
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Here's one of those.
Speaker 1: A few years ago, when trump won in 2016, there was a couple that made the news all over social media because they had only been dating for a short time.
Speaker 1: They didn't know each other's political affiliations.
Speaker 1: Trump wins in 2016.
Speaker 1: They were dating.
Speaker 1: She broke up with him because he supported Trump, but she didn't.
Speaker 1: What do you get from not communicating and not engaging with each other?
Speaker 1: They were dating for a significant amount of time, like eight or nine months.
Speaker 1: It was a relationship.
Speaker 2: They must not have got to political views.
Speaker 2: And actually, now that you mention that, I don't even think we even chatted about.
Speaker 1: Not before we were married.
Speaker 1: No, we just assumed that we were both on the same page.
Speaker 2: Not really thinking about politics that much when you're young no, but I mean to that couple that was like being able to know that that's a deal breaker for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah Right.
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 1: I said you need to.
Speaker 1: And here's the thing is that oftentimes in our coaching I've heard a couple say well, I just don't know what to talk to her about, or him about.
Speaker 1: We have nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1: I'm like are you kidding?
Speaker 2: Are you reading a book?
Speaker 2: Chat about the book.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Were you reading the Bible?
Speaker 1: Chat about the Bible and, honestly, this is some of the times when I know that if I ask Natalie how was your day, I'm going to get a list of things of how your day was.
Speaker 1: This happened with work and we had this fun thing that happened in my job and my boss said this and it was a good day or it was, it was a bad day and it was whatever day it was.
Speaker 1: It was, it was just it was.
Speaker 1: But I'll get a list of things and Natalie will ask well, how was your day?
Speaker 1: Oh, it was good.
Speaker 2: That's not good enough.
Speaker 1: And I've learned over the years Natalie, you didn't let me finish is that that's not good enough?
Speaker 1: She wants details as much as I don't want to provide her details because I'm like the day was good, there was nothing out of the ordinary to explain.
Speaker 2: Exactly, but that doesn't like.
Speaker 2: Part of this whole idea of having intellectual intimacy is bringing each other into each other's worlds.
Speaker 2: Right, right and it doesn't matter what we're doing, and if the day was so boring, I don't care.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the thing is to that end, you don't care about motorcycle things no you want to care.
Speaker 2: I just have.
Speaker 1: I know that you try to care, but I'll be like I'll show her a bike that I think is like man, this motorcycle is so nice, I love the handlebars.
Speaker 1: Look at the size of that back tire.
Speaker 1: And this thing is just got nice curves.
Speaker 1: And she looks at and she's like, yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: I need you to love this like I do right now.
Speaker 1: Like this is, this is the bike I want to have when I'm an adult, there is a bike if you say, harley, I'm going to be upset it is not a harley.
Speaker 2: I think those things are ugly.
Speaker 2: Sorry, uncle dan.
Speaker 2: Um, I am very fond of hondaadows.
Speaker 1: I have an old Honda Shadow I know, and I like your bike.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but was it the Phantom?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you like the Phantom.
Speaker 2: That is a really really nice bike.
Speaker 1: It is a very nice bike.
Speaker 1: Not enough CCs for me, but it's a nice bike.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: Matte black, and I'll just leave it at that.
Speaker 1: Matte, black, wow.
Speaker 2: People with that look like it.
Speaker 1: So we just wanted to give you some funny examples.
Speaker 1: We've talked a little bit about the things that we are weird about in our relationship, like it was music or motorcycles for me.
Speaker 2: And these are like huge areas that we find common ground in.
Speaker 1: We do now.
Speaker 2: Because, though I'm musical, I hate going into the music store.
Speaker 1: I know you do.
Speaker 2: It is the worst.
Speaker 1: I noticed that you have a lot more patience for a middle son.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I do have patience for you Than you ever did for me.
Speaker 2: Is there a?
Speaker 1: reason for that.
Speaker 1: I'd like to know.
Speaker 1: Can we tell our listeners why you have more patience for our middle son than the one you married first?
Speaker 2: I will tell the listeners that there is a.
Speaker 1: There's some sass on your face right now.
Speaker 2: Marriage is sacrifice, wow.
Speaker 2: And going to the music store is an act of sacrifice.
Speaker 1: But for my son.
Speaker 2: And I dislike going.
Speaker 2: Even it's not.
Speaker 2: I like the company I'm with, I just don't like the location.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like when our oldest starts talking to you about computer parts.
Speaker 1: You could sit there for half an hour and he pretty much and I try to understand and he pretty much just spoke Korean for the last 30 minutes and you're like, oh man, that's awesome Sud.
Speaker 2: We're not going to have the same interest, and I think that's what makes it fun.
Speaker 1: That definitely.
Speaker 1: So we just want to get into or maybe that you have gotten into, but some couples might get into deep debate about life over coffee.
Speaker 2: You know I had a or deep debate about coffee yeah, that's because I was a barista and when, prior to us dating and I fancied myself a coffee connoisseur, I knew where all the coffees came from.
Speaker 2: I knew their weird names.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did and all the, and I just wanted I didn't actually really drink coffee until a few years into us dating Exactly.
Speaker 2: Or even to married Right.
Speaker 2: It gave us something to talk about, right.
Speaker 2: Do you like coffee?
Speaker 2: Well, I like coffee too.
Speaker 1: So here's what happened is I would go into stores like coffee places and I would order usually just a black coffee of some kind, because I actually really like a nice dark, roast black coffee.
Speaker 1: She would order whatever weird, funny, fruity or sweet thing that she would get.
Speaker 1: It was always so much better than my black coffee.
Speaker 1: So eventually over the years I just learned to that I'll just have what she has, unless I know that I like whatever it is, I'll just have what Natalie's having, because it's so much better than whatever I'm going to get.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 2: So I mean whatever your interests are.
Speaker 1: It could be solving crossword puzzles, if that's a thing for you, or playing video games together.
Speaker 1: That's a big thing.
Speaker 1: There's a whole thing about gamer culture that's happening in the world, or you?
Speaker 1: Watch documentaries or I love documentaries I know, not just crime documentaries yeah, I love documentaries I know you do.
Speaker 2: And not just crime documentaries.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love animal documentaries, see or like here's one is you get into arguments, playful, fun, joyous arguments about who would win in a super fight.
Speaker 1: A superhero would.
Speaker 1: What superhero would win in a fight.
Speaker 1: Now, I've never done that with Natalie, but I have done that with really good friends, man friends.
Speaker 2: Okay, so who do you think would win?
Speaker 1: Over what?
Speaker 1: Who's the Pick two superheroes?
Speaker 1: I bet you they don't even come from the same universe.
Speaker 2: Probably not.
Speaker 1: You probably will pick a DC and a Marvel one, thinking they're from DC.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh Pick one, spider-man and Venom.
Speaker 1: Oh, why would you choose such a challenging one?
Speaker 1: Because they have a whole comic book series, many, many books about.
Speaker 2: Exactly, I think it would be Venom, personally, and I agree, and Venom happens to be my favorite anti-hero.
Speaker 2: See, we don't even disagree.
Speaker 1: You've got to pick someone.
Speaker 1: We disagree on Scarlet Witch versus Batman, or Scarlet Scarlet, never mind, let's just move on.
Speaker 1: This is going to get weird.
Speaker 1: What superhero that would be one thing.
Speaker 1: Or maybe Natalie, my brother-in-law me all the time.
Speaker 1: The fact that I can just pick out an actor and I'll do this now.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was for this person.
Speaker 1: They played in the movie, and jeremy will make some snide cut.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he was the key grip that played with the second director no one's ever heard of.
Speaker 1: I just happen to remember people's names that's right.
Speaker 2: That's why I'm good at that at church when, when we're in a trivia game, um, that knowledge is excellent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but rarely are we in a trivia game about that knowledge is excellent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but rarely are we at a trivia game about actors' names.
Speaker 2: If we could be at a trivia game and if we were playing like Trivial Pursuit, that would be really handy skill.
Speaker 2: Right and we would certainly appreciate it at that point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that just what we're trying to get to is that you need to find a way between the two of you.
Speaker 1: And sometimes we've done this when we're coaching.
Speaker 1: It's like, look, you want to go home and just play video games, or you want to go home and just listen to music, or you want to go home and set out in your shop, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: She wants you to, and this is like I'm talking from a guy and a girl point of view.
Speaker 1: She wants you to tell you about your day, what did you do, the things that happen, what are your hopes and dreams.
Speaker 1: And the truth is, ladies, sometimes when you ask us what are you thinking about, it genuinely is nothing.
Speaker 1: We're not thinking about anything.
Speaker 1: We were thinking about anything and if it was, it was gonna be something trivial.
Speaker 1: Like man, why does the pedal stick on my car like I can't?
Speaker 1: What is a door handle?
Speaker 1: A little bit jiggly, like dumb things like that.
Speaker 1: It's not like we're thinking about the meaning of life or that whole dumb thing that came around for a little while.
Speaker 1: We're thinking about the roman empire.
Speaker 1: Do you know when?
Speaker 1: This is my personal frustration with that whole trend.
Speaker 1: Do you know when we were thinking about the roman empire, when some moron came up and said were you thinking about the roman empire?
Speaker 1: Then you're.
Speaker 1: Now I am.
Speaker 1: I wasn't Never once thought about that my entire life before that.
Speaker 1: There's no need to.
Speaker 2: Well, thank goodness that we just don't care about the Roman Empire.
Speaker 1: It was not something that was worth talking about, but what I'm saying is that you need to find a way between the two of you to cultivate something that you both want to work on together, to talk about together, to engage in together, to work through together, and there's nowhere in the manual of any kind of manual that says you have to have the exact same likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, opinions.
Speaker 1: In fact, it's better when you don't.
Speaker 2: I think it's more exciting when you can come together.
Speaker 2: So many of our like our DIY projects.
Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2: We've had so many laughs with my measurements and a furniture or we're painting something.
Speaker 1: I feel like I get PTSD when we talk about your measuring.
Speaker 2: Just to move on quickly.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: I think we need to pause.
Speaker 2: I just think that.
Speaker 1: And we need to talk about the bureau that I brought home, that you measured and thought was going to fit, and hung out the back of the car two feet that's right and I had to get the strap from the guy that sold it to me, because his wife did the exact same thing and that guy where he got the strap was the other guy that had had.
Speaker 1: That happened to him and I came home in a car that beeped all the way on me because you measured two feet wrong yeah it was impressive.
Speaker 1: I.
Speaker 1: But boy, did it spark a conversation when you came home and we could laugh about it, and here's the value that we learned from that people is that I do all the measuring.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: All of it.
Speaker 2: Right, but.
Speaker 1: And the percentages off of discounts.
Speaker 2: I think you know that meme.
Speaker 2: Girl Maps when the person's measuring with their hands and then they they carry their hands from what they were measuring to the new piece.
Speaker 2: That may be me and it keeps it exciting as soon as I say I found this thing online.
Speaker 2: His brian's like he's turned off the tv boy.
Speaker 2: Do I get his attention really quickly?
Speaker 1: Yeah, when she walks by me with a tape measure, I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa what's going on?
Speaker 2: Why is there a tape measure?
Speaker 1: Or when you have your hands six inches apart and you're walking with them.
Speaker 1: Rigid, that's right.
Speaker 1: What we're saying is that these things are important for your relationship.
Speaker 1: To find the things that spark conversation, that spark challenging each other, that help you think about opinions and perspectives, right.
Speaker 2: It helps deepen that emotional bond.
Speaker 2: We talked last time about emotional yeah.
Speaker 1: Two, two episodes ago, but emotional intimacy yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, this just helps deepen that bond that you have Absolutely.
Speaker 1: And so there, there, you've heard a lot about our, some of our story here, and then is I think that what we want to say is just if you're struggling to find something to to communicate about, to talk about, to your finding, maybe there's just a lull in conversation.
Speaker 1: It could literally be anything that sparks interest in it.
Speaker 1: And actually, just, even if you have to pretend for a little while, Yep Share ideas.
Speaker 1: I think that is just as basic as you can get or share, even share a dream that you have, Like, hey, I really want to go to Ireland before I'm 35.
Speaker 1: Right, I mean, I'm way older than that.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, like, whatever your dream is, I actually really want to go stand on the Great Wall of China, or I really want to go swim with sharks, whatever that.
Speaker 1: But if you're struggling with that communication, just work it out together, but don't quit, because it got a little bit too too hard and you're just you've got into the pattern of well, we're not going to communicate anyway, so I'm not going to push forward with it.
Speaker 2: And there's.
Speaker 2: There's a sort of a domino effect.
Speaker 2: When you are sharing ideas, then you're learning together, which promotes engaging conversations.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: That might bring up some differing of opinions and interests, but it provides you a way to work through that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Helps keep the relationship, in my opinion, really exciting One, because you, I don't think, know what I'm going to say at any given point, and vice versa I don't know what you're going to say or what idea you're going to bring up.
Speaker 1: And so I can always tell by tone and how you start the conversation, like whenever you say so, I know that something weird is about to happen.
Speaker 1: I know that it's coming.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's going to be, but I just know by tone that you're going to say something unpredictable.
Speaker 1: Or we should try this, or I think we should do this.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: But you know what?
Speaker 2: What it does for both of us because you, you also do the same thing.
Speaker 2: It it helps us adapt to change Right.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be the same person with the same routine, even though I love my routine.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I don't want to still be doing the same things year after year after year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, that's fair.
Speaker 2: Right, so I think you can have fun with it.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be so hoity toity and smarty smarty.
Speaker 2: I think it can just be as basic.
Speaker 2: As I read this book, I saw this quote and having that as a starting point.
Speaker 1: I read or I listened to a podcast again on the art of manliness one of my favorite podcasts and he had a gentleman on that talked about.
Speaker 1: He tracked the ways of super communicators what he called were super communicators, and he said the biggest difference with every person he ever communicated with that was what was called a super communicator was they asked more questions?
Speaker 1: And so, whatever conversation is, because I'm a pastor, I want to know what's happening in people's lives and what's going on.
Speaker 1: Do with my kids, do with Natalie.
Speaker 1: So I ask questions Well, what about this?
Speaker 1: Or how did that happen?
Speaker 1: Or man, that sounds really cool, tell me about that.
Speaker 1: And with some of you do that you open like an open-ended question like, hey, how was your day?
Speaker 1: Whatever you're going to ask, if you ask it in such a way that there's actually a reason to answer, then when you give the answer it can actually be expanded on and you have something to talk about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you just ask questions.
Speaker 1: Ask questions like just ask lots of questions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great way.
Speaker 1: Right, and that's just the way that some people are just super communicators with certain things, and so I think that, if you don't know again, just spark a conversation, ask a question how was your day?
Speaker 1: Tell me about your day, open up the question a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Hey, what is one thing today that you really liked or really didn't like?
Speaker 1: What went right, what went wrong, whatever that may be right, like, and there's a certain way, just engage each other, yeah.
Speaker 1: In some fun and quirky things that you are interested, interested in.
Speaker 1: Get off your phones and get on no, that's.
Speaker 1: I can't say that that's inappropriate.
Speaker 1: Get off your phones, spend time with each other asking questions, all right.
Speaker 1: If you enjoy our podcast, if you want to share it with people, that means a great deal to us.
Speaker 1: It means a lot when you do that.
Speaker 1: But you can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook.
Speaker 1: If you have any questions or topic or anything you would like us to discuss, please email us at amplifiedmarriage at gmailcom.
Speaker 1: And, as you have heard us say many times, we believe that your marriage can be reset, refreshed recharged and restored.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2: Talk to you soon, you.