(Bryan): Some of us grew up hearing that sex was dirty or it was wrong and was only needed just to make babies. Others were promised if that we followed all the rules, our wedding night would be fireworks, confetti, and a Disney soundtrack. But then reality showed up. Awkward, clumsy, and nowhere near the trailers. We were sold the truth. A lot of us dragged myths, shame, and just strange or weird expectations into marriage. But here's the good news.
(Bryan): God didn't design sex to be awkward small talk with the lights off. He made it to be good and holy and worthwhile fighting for. So let's talk about it. The lies, the laughs, and the hope God actually gives us in sexual intimacy. Foreign.
(Natalie): Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. I'm Natalie.
(Bryan): And I'm Bryan.
(Natalie): Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you hear us say this every episode. We're so glad you've joined us. Grab a coffee, grab a tea, get comfy and cozy. So if you've missed our last episode, we were talking about experiential intimacy, the fourth pillar in our intimacy series. And just in a nutshell, that was great. Creating bonds through shared experiences. So highly recommend you go listen to that today, though. This is why you need to get comfy and cozy, because we are leaving no stone unturned. We're talking about sexual intimacy.
(Bryan): Well, we're probably going to leave a few stones.
(Natalie): Yeah, that's true.
(Bryan): Just because there's.
(Natalie): We don't have all the time in the world.
(Bryan): No. And we just. This is one of those things that I've. We've talked to a lot of people and we've coached a lot of couples. And what we found over is that people always, always have hang ups around sex. It's really interesting, just the various levels, whether they were part of a church, not part of a church, or even if they were unchurched, or someone who just grew up in a secular household that didn't know about sex or did know about sex. And then you get into like the science or the, the statistics of things where more partners equals less happiness or less partners equals or more happiness. But the way we've kind of framed our sexual freedom actual culture in our current culture right now, it's actually caused more problems than it's helped.
(Natalie): Yeah.
(Bryan): And so we really wanted to just break down. This is going to be a foundational start to what sexual intimacy really is, according to what scripture says, but experiences and, and just what we believe that sexual intimacy actually is. And so we're gonna do just a couple things here. One, we're Going to talk about sexual intimacy.
: Right.
(Bryan): But we're also going to break down just a few of the myths or the lies that have been spoken about what sex really is in a marriage. And we just want to make sure that we go through them and just talk about what that actually looks like.
(Natalie): Exactly. And as we break it down, like this is one of those. It's going to. Or it has the potential. You know, like scripture says, what has the. What. How does it go? What can set you free also has the power to. To bring about the greatest defense.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): And so this is a. This is an area that oftentimes in chur. And it's not that what was preached was necessarily or inherently wrong. I mean, purity is.
(Bryan): Is good also something that's less and less and less and less talked about, even in churches.
(Natalie): Exactly.
: Right.
(Natalie): But like, when we were there, it was just. There was very little context.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): Behind just don't have sex.
(Natalie): It was just don't do anywhere else.
: Right.
(Natalie): So we're hoping to unpack some of those. It's not that they're necessarily lies. They really. In our case and on dealing and talking with a lot of people that we've talked to about this topic, we're not the only ones who have come out of that, you know, 80s 90s push for that purity culture. I hate saying that because again, we're not saying purity is wrong. And yes, you should uphold a pure lifestyle.
(Bryan): Well, I think it's just like anything else without having a balance for the what sex really is and what it's for the purpose of it.
(Natalie): And the why.
(Bryan): And the why behind why you don't and why you do.
(Natalie): Exactly.
(Bryan): If you don't have the balance, then you have the pendulum swinging left or right. That actually causes more damage than.
(Natalie): That's right. It helps the forbidden fruit.
: Right.
(Natalie): It's like don't. Don't eat from it. Well, what are we going to do? We're going to want to eat from it if we don't have kind of a biblical foundation of God's. God's heart behind it, not just the fact of the sin element of it, but just his heart behind why. It's important.
(Bryan): But also, let's be clear, even if you do know the why, you still want to eat the forbidden fruit.
(Natalie): Yeah, that's true.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): It doesn't.
: It.
(Natalie): It doesn't.
(Bryan): It gives you purpose into why you wouldn't want to do it, but it doesn't necessarily stop that. It does not. For we know this. It does not stop the Desire. So we just want to just. Let's talk about what intimacy or sex intimacy really is and let's ground it so it's actual proper. It isn't just about the physical act.
: Right.
(Bryan): And that is so much. Just don't have the sex.
(Natalie): It was, and this was a huge thing because it was just. Well, we didn't have intercourse, so technically we didn't have sex.
(Bryan): Yeah, well, depends what your definition of intercourse or sex actually is.
(Natalie): That's right.
: Right.
(Bryan): And so it's not just a physical act. If it was, you could walk. You would still. You could walk away still feeling disconnected.
: Right.
(Bryan): So sexual intimacy is about connection. It's a. It's about safety. It's about being fully wanted by your spouse.
: Right.
(Bryan): And when it's really healthy, it is more than just a stress relief or we're feeling a little randy and you're just scratching that edge. It's a way of saying to your spouse, I see you, I choose you, and I'm still all in with what we're doing with you.
(Natalie): Exactly.
(Bryan): In life. And, and that's the thing about godly or healthy, Christian, biblical, whatever you want to say. The sex is that it actually is designed by God for really two reasons. One more probably more than two, but the two that we're. We're talking about, one is to create babies.
(Natalie): Yeah.
(Bryan): So it's procreation. But the other is to actually bring a couple together in unity. So their hearts are together, their minds are together spiritually. Because it is godly concept marriage. And sex in marriage is a godly healthy thing. But the truth is, is that things get in the way of that.
: Right.
(Natalie): Kids, pregnancies, jobs, exhaustion, finances. Like you could just put quotes behind, like anything if you allow. It can come in the way of breaking free, I guess.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): And all the things that we listed, jobs, vacations, having older kids, having a smaller home, living with people below you, living with people beside you, just having lots of people in your house, blended families. There are an endless amount of reasons, Reasons why this. Or prevent like things to prevent you from moving forward in this area. We can come up with a million excuses.
(Bryan): And sexual intimacy in your mere marriage. Just like we've talked about in all of our other pillars. Everything takes intention.
: It.
(Natalie): Yes. And I think this one, this one, this one, in my opinion, takes the most.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Because everything, everything that like the other pillars sort of lead up to this sex isn't the end all, be all. It's the. It's the leading up to the actual physical act right. It's the foreplay during the day. It's the being intentional with communication. It's being intentional with, you know, our intellectual intimacy. It's being intentional with our experiences together that all sets emotional and spiritual, the stage for those four.
(Bryan): The other four pillars lead to what you could have and is a really great sex life.
(Natalie): Exactly.
(Bryan): That actually brings you in together. So the thing about sex, and if you've listened to our podcast, you know that one of the big things we always talk about is communication. It takes communication leading up to the act of sex, but also during the active sex to talk about what you like, what you don't like, what works, what doesn't work, what feels safe, what doesn't feel safe. And if you are silent in your relationship. Now here's the thing. Silence doesn't build intimacy, honesty does. So that means that if we were to look at, at silence in spiritual, intellectual, emotional and experiential, if you're silent in all of those things, you will not have a good sex life.
(Natalie): No. And like, you know, I have a million things going through my mind as well. I just want to talk about this before we get into it. Sometimes it's really hard to shut off all the outside, right? You know, oh, the plumber's coming. Oh, I just thought of this. Or the kids need that.
(Bryan): I have no problem.
(Natalie): Turn that off in the moment, right? And there's times are you've been really intentional to remind me, like, hey, you're here, but you're not here. You're not present right now.
(Bryan): Where are you right now?
(Natalie): Like, who cares about the plumber? Or who cares about that right now? Like, it's about you and I. And we say this because when you're facing down, you know, the frustrations and the exhaustion of just parenting and being married, you know, of the things that can happen in layoffs and job things and insecurities and the way the world is going, this is one area that tends to get the brunt of the hit.
(Bryan): Yep, it does. That's absolutely true. And so here's the challenge of this is that intimacy doesn't exist in a vacuum. For so many of us, the way that we view sex was shaped long before we even got married. And that includes those who didn't have sex before they got married to those who did have sex before they got married. Some of those ideas were healthy, but a lot of them were just flat out. The, the lies or what you saw in rom coms or movies made it unless we, we actually name those Things. It's really hard for us to shape the views of how we show up or how we own the things that we do in the bedroom and in the marriage.
(Bryan): So let's just.
: We.
(Bryan): There is so many lies, but we just picked just a couple just for us to go through. So the first one that we've heard in churches, but maybe in other places you can.
(Natalie): We've experienced.
(Bryan): Yeah, we've experienced. This is. You can perform your way into purity, if purity. Culture has taught us anything. And it's not. This is not a great thing. Is that rules. That following rules about dating, hugging, modesty, what you wear, what you don't wear, what you say, what you don't stay. Staying pure. Is that all of those things make you being pure before the Lord or pure for the person you want to be with. About how.
(Natalie): That's the guarantee.
(Bryan): That's a guarantee. Is that about performance? You're trying to perform your way to have this idea about sex. I'm pure because of what I do or I don't do.
(Natalie): Exactly.
: Right.
(Bryan): And the result, other than like.
(Natalie): Let's just break that down for a minute. When it talks about modesty and stuff, you. You have people that are like. I mean, define modesty.
: Right.
(Natalie): Where they're in, you know, turtlenecks and long skirts.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): You know, again, the pendulum goes really far to one, from one to the other.
(Natalie): And if that is your. And. And you're comfortable in that. I mean, wear skirts and turtlenecks. But, you know, with our children, be like, you don't objectify. Because we have two sons and a daughter. You don't objectify women by what they wear.
: No.
: Right.
(Natalie): That little song will be careful Little eyes what you see. So someone could be wearing something where they feel totally flattering. And it's your responsibility as a young man to not objectify them by what they're wearing.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely.
(Natalie): Sexualize them by what they're wearing. They are a human being. Thus how. And. And then with our daughter, it's like, you know what you like. If she's wearing a crop top or whatever, like, you're not. She has enough. I don't know how to word that. Like, she is confident and secure enough in herself and who God's made her to be that she doesn't have to just wear a turtleneck and a skirt.
(Bryan): But she also is secure enough in who she is that she doesn't have to go the other way as well.
(Natalie): That's right.
(Bryan): And wear something that's revealing or scantily.
(Natalie): Cabbage let's say someone is wearing something that is revealing, that doesn't give you the right.
(Bryan): Nope, not at all. Absolutely.
: Right.
: Right.
(Bryan): And if, and if, and, and that this would be probably one of those things is if you're, you're trying to perform your way into God's good graces or into a healthy. Or for into God's good graces by wearing the long skirt and the turtleneck and not revealing anything. Their, their motivation is almost the same as the ones like, I'm trying to get God's approval, but I'm, I'm doing it the wrong way. So I'm going to revolve clothing that actually tries to get man's approval instead of.
: Right.
(Bryan): Either way, you're trying to get approval from something that you just don't need to get approval for.
: Right, Right.
(Bryan): And you need God's approval, not man's approval.
(Natalie): Exactly. And you know, a lot of times people are wearing what they're wearing not for anyone's approval because they like that kind of clothing. Yeah, right. The, the onus is on the, on the person observing that.
: Right, right.
(Natalie): Just because somebody is wearing something that we would deem as revealing doesn't mean that they see that as revealing. Does that make sense?
: Yeah.
(Natalie): So you're responsible for where you're looking. You're responsible for how you're viewing other people in, how they're dressed and how they act and all of that. That is your responsibility.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): And this is the thing, is that we hear this with people that have hang ups, that are married, that are insects. Is like, oh, this is maybe too risque because of, of shame or guilt or I can't do this because this is, you know, like that.
(Natalie): But then in church it was like, oh, I don't want you hanging out with that person because I don't like how they're dressed.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely.
(Natalie): So no, they're dressed like that's, that's what, you know, girls who have slept around. That's what they're wearing.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): That's the dialogue that we grew up in. And it's wrong.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely. And like this is the thing, is that purity isn't earned, it's given.
: Right.
(Bryan): Because of who we are in Christ. Purity is earned or isn't earned, is given. God gives us purity. You're pure because he says you are not because you just nailed the rulebook and you performed your way into purity.
(Natalie): Exactly. And like, where does that leave anyone who finds themselves in this trap? Where does that leave them for. For God to see Them, how he created them.
: Right.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely right.
(Natalie): And I think it just keeps people in that perpetual bondage.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely. So the next one that we want to touch on was you follow the rules, guarantees great sex, which.
: Right.
(Bryan): If we just obey God, the rules listed above. You mean what? Yeah, well, the one. Well, those. But also these next ones. If we just obey God. No porn, no pre marital sex, no wandering eyes. Wedding night sex is going to be magical.
(Natalie): Yeah, it's. Oh, I can't believe that we fell for this. There is an expectation for the wedding night to be magical because you've potentially waited up until then.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): For that. And when like, even though you've never experienced it, there's an expectation that gets built up based on movies that you see or like you were talking about earlier rom coms or, or other people's experiences and you know, you don't know what you don't know.
: Right.
(Natalie): And oftentimes it's not magical.
: Right, right.
(Natalie): Like we. I liken it to fine wine. It gets better with age.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): The more that you know your spouse, the more that you invest your time and your intentionality with, the better the. Well one, the safer the environment that you create.
: Yeah. Right.
(Natalie): So that when you're intimate with each other, it's not so awkward. It's not. And it's awkward in the beginning. It really is. And then as, as you build together, as you go through life's changes, ups and downs and you have children and hormone changes and all of that, as you continually invest in each other and making that choice. I choose you every single day, regardless if you've put on ten pounds or not, it doesn't matter.
: Right.
(Natalie): And so that's what creates that great sex down the road.
: Right.
(Natalie): And it wasn't great at the beginning.
(Bryan): No, it. You're having sex and the sex part is fun because you're learning how to do it.
(Natalie): Is fun.
(Bryan): Yeah.
(Natalie): But for you, maybe.
(Bryan): But, but even, even the like the couples who do everything right versus like. That's such a weird way to say it. Couples, we know so many couples that we've walked through co. That we've coached over the years that have been married for years and sometimes sex is still a struggle just trying to work things out. It's. Couples sometimes just don't thrive in this particular. And they need help and they need to be able to work through it. And sometimes what, what happens is because of a lack of intimacy, sexual intimacy, they end up being frustrated or angry or, or bitter because it can't be or maybe get resentment or resenting towards their spouse or towards God because sex doesn't come easy. But sex is just like any other other thing. You have to learn how to do. You have to learn how to be good at it.
: Yeah, right.
(Bryan): And you have to learn your partner, and you have to learn what the partner likes and what doesn't. So struggling in the bedroom isn't a failure. It's just a human part of being. Or human. But also just a part of being married.
(Natalie): That's right.
(Bryan): And just like anything else, intimacy takes time. It takes patience. And sometimes it, you have to go to a counselor or you got to go to a pastor and talk about it, or go to a doctor and be like, hey, there's something going on here. But don't just assume that everything is just going to be easy the moment they just like anything. If you think that into marriage, even if two people are at the healthiest they've ever been when they get married, there's still going to be problems down. It's still going to be some kind of issue where they have to work through a problem, work through an argument, work through disagreement or mindsets or mindset or perspectives or traumas you didn't know you have. The thing about being married is that it doesn't minimize the issues you have and amplifies the issues you have.
(Natalie): And this is one area that, you know, you don't, you don't realize kind of the hiccups or you don't anticipate the hiccups that you may have. And for us, it was just, you know, what was permissible.
: Right.
(Natalie): And that was huge. That was, there was huge barriers and huge blockages that I was like, I feel totally wrong. Even though in the context of biblical, intimacy is not. Yeah, right. And so I think that, you know, when I say that, you know, maybe for you it's fun. Like sometimes we take time.
: Yeah. Oh, yeah, right.
(Natalie): And good intimacy and. Or the leading up to the physical act takes time. Sometimes it can be a whole day of prep.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Leading up to that.
(Bryan): And then you're. The act is only three or four minutes.
: Right.
(Natalie): But. But it's that the act is not even. It's. It's the lead up.
: Right.
(Natalie): And yes, the act, the act of it is fun and all of that, but the lead up is where that connection is formed.
: Right. Yeah.
(Bryan): The final one that we want to touch on, which I think is way more in our face than we actually think or way more common. Way more common than we think that it Is is that sex is just for the men. Like sex is not just for the men, but it's more important that.
(Natalie): Like to gratify them.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): It's more important that the men are gratified or the men are looked after that hogwash. Well, it's men that initiate, women respond. Women's. And then we've actually see women's pleasure is optional where.
(Natalie): Or women pursuing their husbands is wanton.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): Right, right. But we, I don't know how baked it in it is to relationships because this is not something that is very talked about. But I believe that and knowing where, who we've coached over these years and the things that we've. We've researched and we spent time with people, this is quite a bit more common is that it's up to the man to always take care of this. It's always up to the man that he is the one that is.
(Natalie): Well, because throughout society, men are the sexual ones, women are the nurturers, women are the relational ones.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Men want it 24 7. Women don't.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): And, and there's times where. Let's just get this out of. Or the cat out of the bag. There's times where you haven't wanted to initiate and I have.
: Right.
(Natalie): Or there's times where I've not wanted it or you've wanted it and vice versa.
: Right.
(Natalie): Like I'm just as sexual of a being as you are.
(Bryan): And, and, and if you're communicating these moments where one or one doesn't. Doesn't mean that it's not going to happen. It just means you talked your way through it and you're like, okay, well all right, let's, let's, let's make this happen in a fun way. And there's times it's just spontaneous and.
(Natalie): Immediate and that's okay.
(Bryan): And those are the good things. You don't have to schedule it out. At Saturday at 7 o' clock we're going to have sex. And you have to make sure that on Saturday nights at the right time, on the right mood with a candlelight. No, no.
(Natalie): I mean we've had those.
(Bryan): Yes, we've had. Absolutely. We've had those. We've been married for a long time. So sometimes you just have to put it into the calendar and make sure that things are going to work and that timing is good and the kids are gone and the house is clean and all that kind of stuff. But if you're communicating with this and you're not being silent, like we said at the beginning and you're actually talking to each other and you're working on intimacy of all kinds.
(Bryan): This will happen naturally.
(Natalie): 100.
: Right.
(Bryan): And there's some times in your marriage where you just can't do it because of people and there's things that are going on and you got to be creative and all that kind of stuff. But the, the idea that it's only one part, one sided, that it's only the man, doesn't make sense. It's not biblical. If you read through Song of Solomon, it was. Women were often taking the lead. So why is that wrong? They're celebrating their husband.
(Natalie): Exactly. And not shameful.
(Bryan): And not at all shameful. If you want to be. If you want to blush, go read Song of Solomon.
(Natalie): Exactly. But the, the so many times it has been maybe not preached in this way, but that women's pleasure is optional.
(Bryan): It's not optional. It is for the man. It should be. This is the thing.
(Natalie): Priority.
(Bryan): It should be a priority. But this is the thing is the Bible says it's better to give than to receive. And why is that any different in sex? It should be that our greatest pleasure as servants of the house, serving my house as head of the household, is to have my wife and serve her in this way to bring her pleasure as much, if not more important than my own.
: Right.
(Bryan): Because I'm serving her. I'm serving the house. I'm serving this moment. I'm serving who God created to be my helpmate, my support, my love of my life.
(Natalie): And when you cultivate that, then it's. It's reciprocal.
: Right.
(Bryan): God designed men and women to enjoy each other 100%.
: Right.
(Bryan): And designed us to be fulfilled sexually with each other.
(Natalie): Yes.
: Right.
(Bryan): The best intimacy happens when we pursue each other with freedom, with just unbridled passion with each other. Like, if you're a funny couple, then just being hilarious with each other, or we're serious, like, whatever it is, you do not like wives, pursue your husbands with no shame. And I'll tell you that if you start pursuing your husband, there's no way in God's green earth he's like, you know what? I got a headache. He's gonna be like, all right, let's go.
(Bryan): All right, I'm ready. Let's.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): If there's hiccups and there's things that you have to talk about, like, as much as, like, my desires for you and your desires for me in that area, and your desires is to fulfill that need within me and my desires to fulfill that need within you. There's. There's been times where things have been a no go.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): And I just want to make sure, like we talk about the things that we are engaging in with each other are completely consensual.
: Yeah.
: Oh, yeah.
: Right.
(Natalie): So there's times where you have wanted to pursue a different avenues for, for trying to be tactful here for fun and. For fun. And I was like, like, I'm just.
(Bryan): Not comfortable with that.
(Natalie): I'm not comfortable yet with that. And it was a barrier that I had. Not that it was anything inappropriate. It wasn't. It was just. It was something that I had to work through.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Within my own self. And it was just like. You were like, okay, like let's talk about. I said it's not off the table. It's just a. Not right now.
: Yeah.
: Right.
(Natalie): And so I think for it to be, to be a safe space, we have to be able to share those vulnerabilities and they have to be respected.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): So what do we do with all this? You know, these are just a few of the things that are hang ups or issues or struggles. Probably leaning more towards those that have been in church for a long time than not. Maybe. I mean, if, if you're out there and you're like, no, I didn't even grow up in church, but this is. I, I struggle with shame or then let us know. We'd love to, to connect and chat about it.
(Natalie): Yeah.
(Bryan): But what do we do? We've named just a few, but as believers. Natalie and I believe that God has created sex for a purpose. And it's to like intimacy brings us closer with each other, but also brings us closer to God.
(Natalie): Yeah.
(Bryan): And he is, he designed freedom. He designed it to be connection for us to be in unity in this. So how do you move forward when you maybe you've struggled with these, some of these things? How do you. You got to.
(Natalie): I think you have to see it for what it is.
(Bryan): Right. You got to see sex for. For what?
(Natalie): Holy.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Even though there's perversion that has been allowed to be brought into this. We're not talking about that. We're talking about how God's design for intimacy was initially. And it is holy. And it is created it and everything that he created he said was good.
(Bryan): And this is purposeful.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): And it's good. And it is worth cultivating. And, and you, and you have to actually, it's like, was it that, that the scripture says take every thought captive if you need to reject a false expectation of what sex Might be. If it isn't perfect, it means you're broken. If it didn't go as well as you wanted, it doesn't mean you did do a bad job. If you've made mistakes in this, you're not disqualified. You can be redeemed.
(Natalie): Yes.
(Bryan): Your past, regarding your sexual history or the things that you maybe have done in your marriage or done before you got married, they don't define you in this. God is a redeeming God and wants to make sex the best that it possibly could be for you. And that means if you need healing in other areas, healing in some of these other areas, God will redeem you in these things. So you can pursue intimacy with an honesty and a creativity, like, and just be creative in what God's. But you can. But the way that you're going to do this is one. Not be silent. You got to start the conversation.
(Natalie): Well, and, and embrace the. Embrace the awkward. Embrace the funny. I mean, we've. We've laughed a lot over the years in this area. And, and you. You have to.
(Bryan): Yeah, absolutely. You have to. Because no, like, sex isn't like it is on in the movies.
(Natalie): No. And, you know, this is the. The challenging part is that I'm not gonna like everything and you're not gonna like everything.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): But how do you know if you don't try or you don't talk about? We're talking about within the confounds of. Of confounds.
(Bryan): Confines. Confines of marriage.
(Natalie): Of the marriage bed.
: Right.
(Natalie): Like, obviously, you're not bringing other people into your marriage bed.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): So what do I like? I don't know necessarily at the beginning. At the beginning.
: Yeah.
: Right.
(Natalie): Or even, you know, 24 years later. I don't know. Right, right.
: Maybe.
(Natalie): Maybe there's. There's fun things that we. We haven't yet experienced with each other.
(Bryan): But you have to.
(Natalie): You have to be able to talk about that.
(Bryan): Well, and it's like. It's like the weave when we talk about expectations. You want to make your expectations known to your partner. They want to be clear. You want to. Something we can do. All right, then let's. But if you don't, if you're silent in your frustration, silent in your anger, or you're silent in your. I just don't know about this, then this will be an area that just never improves.
(Natalie): No.
: Right.
(Natalie): You have to. If something isn't right.
: Right.
(Natalie): Or then you have to say something.
: Yeah.
(Bryan): And so it's. You got to be like, I love what you say. Gotta be willing to laugh.
(Natalie): I mean, we have.
(Bryan): Yeah, but you have to be willing to laugh and you have to be willing to just experiment.
: Yeah.
(Natalie): Invite. Gone into that space, but not make it weird.
(Bryan): But also not with guilt, but with gratitude that God gave us this thing.
: That.
(Natalie): That's right.
(Bryan): Is hard to talk about sometimes, but is worth talking about and worth being better at. Just like anything, I want to have big muscles. I have to go work out. I want to be good at sex. I got to go do it with your spouse. So the closing thought, oh, how do we do that? It's.
: It.
(Bryan): Sex is a gift from God.
: Right.
(Bryan): It's for joy. It's for fun. It's for connection. It's for unity between you two.
(Natalie): It's for pleasure.
(Bryan): It's for stress relief. It's for pleasure. If you've believed any of the lies, even ones that you thought of that we didn't think of, trade them for the truth of the word of God. You're not dirty. Your past doesn't define you. And intimacy is for both of you, not just one of you. One or the other. God created it and he called it good.
(Natalie): That's right.
: Right.
(Bryan): So if you've enjoyed today's episode and you really like this Share Leave a Review Send it to someone who needs this conversation. This is just the beginning of some conversations that we want to have in the next little while. So follow us on Instagram and on Facebook if you've got a question or topic or even like a.
(Natalie): Another myth or. Or something.
(Bryan): We'd love to hear them.
(Natalie): Love to hear that because this is just, I think, scraping the stuff surface.
(Bryan): Absolutely. So we want you to just let us know. You can email us@implified marriage gmail. com and we believe 100% in this area of all these five pillars of intimacy, that marriage can be reset, refreshed, recharged, and restored. Thanks for listening. See you soon. Sam.