Season 3 Ep. 8 // "The Silent Strain: Love Beyond the Rom-Com:"

In this episode of "Amplified Marriage," Natalie and I explore the real side of love and relationships, which is often quite different from what you see in movies. 

We talk about how important it is to communicate well, stay committed, and be able to handle changes in your relationship. 

We address some common wrong ideas about relationships, sharing our own stories and offering tips on how to deal with changes and challenges together. This episode is filled with useful advice for anyone who wants to understand more about real-life love and relationships. Join us for an honest and engaging talk that reveals what it really takes to make a relationship last.

Transcript

Misconception

Introduction to Realistic Love Stories

Bryan: We've all seen those charming, picture-perfect love stories where love conquers all. Oftentimes, they do it in just under two hours. But, do those movie romances that we see compare to actual reality of marriage? Those cinematic love stories don't always get it right. They often gloss over things in the relationship and maybe they even embed in our psyche Odd or poor expectations of real life relationships.

When you got to think about it, the grand gestures, those inevitable, happily ever afters, the idea that love is always so easy and effortless, while these films can be heartwarming and undoubtedly fun. They often leave out the work, all the hard work on communication, all the commitment. They're the bedrock of any strong marriage.

Welcome to Amplified Marriage

Bryan: Welcome to another episode of Amplified Marriage. I'm Brian. I'm Natalie. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, you hear this, say this all the time. Get comfortable, go for a run, but we're so glad you've joined us for our chat today. If you didn't get a chance, we did our last episode was on cognitive dissonance.

Just how the values of what you think and versus what actually your behavior portrays and that and in your actions And so if you get a chance go back listen to that one. It's a really great chat I'm just about all that kind of stuff. 

Addressing Misconceptions in Relationships

Bryan: And so we're moving on today, and I don't know if this is gonna be The very last one of the silent strain of tension or struggles in this particular thing, but we actually want to address some things Today just misconceptions miss.

That's a hard word today Misconceptions that honestly when we were going through these this isn't just marriage things like honestly, this is not just about marriage 

Natalie: Right. And these aren't the only 

Bryan: no. And there's going to be a lot more, but we just kind of picked four that we worked through and that we want to talk about and they really, honestly, they're going to affect these four misconceptions about marriage, but just about relationships and people and living your life are things that will have a direct effect on your relationships with other people, not just your spouse or your partner.

So we're, we're really excited to get into, into this one today. So yeah, You wanna start with the first one? 

Misconception 1: Change is Always Negative

Bryan: Change is always negative 

if you are Natalie. Change is always negative. It is not 

Natalie: ideal in my world, , I, I don't,

I'm scheduled and I guess rigid in my schedule. I like to know what I'm doing when I'm doing it. Yes, I don't do spontaneity very well. 

Bryan: And it's also for you like a.

Wow. But it like, I don't know how to explain it. Like I've learned over the years that there's certain things that I just don't do. I won't tell you that I'm not going to, if I'm bringing someone for dinner, I'm not going to just show up with someone for dinner. If I'm doing something on in an evening, I now put it into our calendar so you could see it and I'll send you a text saying this, what's going on.

When. Like if this happens to you, it is, it is actually the plague. It's like the end of the world. It really bothers you and because it throws things off and you had a plan and you knew what the plan was for two weeks. And whereas I, on the other hand, when that happens to me, I'm like, well, that sucks, but okay, let's just make it work.

And I, I actually really. Thrive on that kind of environment. I love change. I don't mind change at all. I've, we've experienced a lot of change in this last year and it's been good, but I don't, I don't mind it. Whereas you just find it the worst. It's like doomed to you. It is. 

Natalie: And I feel as though it's, it's again, back to the first one in this whole series that we were doing when it talked about fear of the unknown, a lot of the negative feelings come from fear of the unknown or what the future might look like.

And so change is always negative. I could relate to that of like, I have no guarantees. that the change, though it be good, is actually good. 

Bryan: Or is it, is it not like you can see that the change is good, but you don't know what the slightly longer term of this might be like in the short term, you're like, Hey, moving to this new place is good, but what's, what's it going to look like if they up the rent or we have this happen or this goes on, like for you.

Natalie: Exactly. I'm the queen of what if scenarios, and I feel like I'm the queen of, and this isn't a good thing. And I feel like I'm the queen of worst case scenarios because if I can, if I can think my way through it ahead of time of what could possibly happen, then the reality of said thing actually happening doesn't surprise you as much surprised me as much.

And so even when you put it into like a relational. 

Coping with Change in Relationships

Natalie: Aspect of like change in our marriage. You know, it's always like, Oh, we'll see how long this lasts. Right. Right. And you view it from that lens of negativity. 

Bryan: Right. And whereas I think some change don't, don't get, don't get us wrong. If you hear this, some change isn't good.

Yeah, exactly. Like there is some change that isn't good, but there's so often that just change in life. This is one of those, like if you can name things in your, in, in life, just life in general. Like. is change is inevitable. Like change is going to happen. And I don't, I can't identify with Natalie's desire to not change or that's not true.

That's not, that's not the right way. I desire to personally change. But you don't like when the, the things around us change. Cause if you think about it, like the moment that. You get married, it changes the moment that you have your first kid, it changes. And he has second, third, fourth, or however many kids you have that changes.

You get to changes. I always, I say this all the time. It seems like with my oldest, I'd be like, yeah, finally I'm nailing this parent thing with him. We're figuring out all these things. Then he grows up and he gets into another phase and he's changed. And now I'm like, well. Darn it. Now I have to learn a whole new things that he's going through to be able to, and it happens with each one of my kids are also different than I just feel like all I'm doing is changing and trying to adapt to how things are going in their life.

Exactly. 

Natalie: And I mean, that's just how it goes. Right? Like this isn't something to fear or it shouldn't be something to fear. We're talking about change in a positive way and, and growing right 

Bryan: in the chain. And we're not saying the change isn't hard. We're actually saying, and it is hard. We're actually challenging you to lean into the change and just adapt a little bit more because we know that it's tough, but if you look at, and this is the reality of.

Well, and there's also something that there's a man that has second chair pastored me, like mentored me for the last few years. He always says you can look at, at all things church related, life related, and you could do look at it two ways. You can, you look at it like it's frustrating or if it's fascinating.

And then why is this giving me such a struggle? Why is this so hard on my, my psyche or my spiritual life or my emotional life? Why is this so hard to make those changes? And we're understanding that like you, if you lean into the change, And you have learned over the years. I 

Natalie: have leaned into it. You don't like it.

It's not that I don't like it. I don't trust it, I think would be more accurate. That's fair. Now I have learned over the years with sort of change being forced upon me in, in our relationship, in our, you know living situation in our city that we reside in, in our jobs. And, and you know, the list goes on.

I have learned that. Like we are going to be okay. And so that helps to eliminate some of the fear. That doesn't mean that I am totally, I'm already there in my head trying to talk myself off the ledge regarding any 

Bryan: kind of change. Meanwhile, I'm running towards the ledge and seeing what's like jumping out to see what's on the other side.

Exactly. 

Natalie: And had, had I not stepped and realize this isn't a bad thing. It's not, doesn't have to be negative. The lens that I'm choosing to view the change through doesn't have to be skewed. And we've, we've grown as a couple, we've grown as parents, we've. Been able to experience new things together and it's drawn us closer 

Bryan: together, right?

And that what happens so often, if I think back to our early days when change happened, you would often isolate. Yeah. And so there's no way that I could rally. I struggled to rally you into like, I know this is coming. Like if I'm moving new jobs, there's always that there's oftentimes that. pay gap in between that everyone hates.

Not just you. I hate it. You hate it, but there's often some that pay gap and I was always such a big thing for you, but I can like, Hey, I'm going to be at this new job. Yes, we're going to struggle a little bit here, but you knew the change was coming and it still didn't make it easier on you. Not at all.

Right. And so like even, even some of these things, like what you said is 100 percent accurate. It makes you. A better couple when you embrace the suck together. Exactly. 

Natalie: When we realize, you know, it's not me against you. We're on the same team. So, 

Bryan: right. Yeah. And here, here's just a random thought. Something that my pastor has said to me, he said, we need to do to be better at doing hard things, right?

And so often in our modern culture, like even in the opening. What I said in them is just doing these things that are struggle. Like there's hard work, there's communication, there's commitment, there's faithfulness. There's like, we got to work through struggles. Our current culture says, well, as soon as it gets hard or challenging or I'm unhappy, I can just cut and run and start fresh with someone 

Natalie: else.

Right. And I mean, that's a choice that you have to make whether you are going to cut and run or whether you're going to. Stay. 

Bryan: And here's the truth though, is if you're cutting and running because of issues, those issues follow you with you to the next place. Anyway, that's 

Natalie: like, oh, and we've talked about that when it's like grass is greener mentality.

Bryan: Yeah. And so the ways that some of the ways that you can, can even just like face this misconception together, that change is always hard as you just do things together, just do them together, do hobbies together. There's got to be at least one thing. Most of the time that the two of you can do together that you both semi enjoy.

Natalie: Mm hmm. And you know, even if you don't. If you're like thinking really hard as you're listening to this going, there's like literally nothing. Then could this be an opportunity for you to sort of take that plunge into the unknown of like, what would this do for my relationship if, I mean, Brian and I are both incredibly musical in different ways.

And he enjoys a, a like fill his love tank is to go to the music store that does nothing for me other than irritate me, but I care about the company I'm with. And so rather than be like, you can go to the music store on your own and you know, and hype it up to be like, this is guy time and you know, you deserve it and whatnot, which.

I probably have done but I could choose to be like, I, I'm wanting to connect with you. This is something that is important to you. And thus it's important to me, even though I don't really enjoy going in there, but can, can we compromise on, you know, let's say, can we do this for 30 minutes in the store?

Like I got 30 minutes which in my opinion is more than enough time, right? But of meeting you where, where. Not where you're at, but like with something that you 

Bryan: thoroughly just like when I go into Michael's with you, it's the worst store on the face of the earth. But I go in there with you and put on a semi happy face.

Natalie: That's right. And you don't necessarily rush me out of there. Yeah. I mean, there's times where, where you do, but it's, it's allocating regular time together. Yeah. Try to find some common ground of something you could do 

Bryan: together. And like even like allocate their regular, it's like us time. Yes. Right. 

Natalie: We 

Bryan: love that.

And it's incredibly important because if you don't have something, like say you're struggling right now to find something mutual to actually do together. The us time is something that you can do together. You can sit and you can talk about, well, what's happening with our job? What are we going to do in the future?

What's happening with our kids? Are we happy with where our kids are? Are we happy? We're with, we, we are changed. Change has to happen or else you just grow stagnant and do the same things over 

Natalie: and over. Exactly. Like I'm reminded of the script that says without vision, the people perish. Well, the same thing applies in your marriage without you talking about like vision for, for you as a couple, because you know, whether you have children or not there, you know, we have children, so we talk like we have children.

There comes a time where there's. They're not going to be here, right? They're going to move on and, you know, start their own lives. And where does that leave us? Right. And so I think it's really important to set that time aside and prioritize the time and it can, it doesn't have to be expensive. 

Bryan: You can just go for a drive.

Natalie: Exactly. love that. Going for a drive and grabbing coffee. You say we. You mean you. But it gives, you know, you need to talk about your dreams as a couple. Where are you going as a couple? Where do you want to go as a 

Bryan: family? But then also in that time, celebrate each other's, like, the wins. Yeah. Celebrate the wins with each other.

Celebrate. Hey, your job, you seem to be really killing your job. Like well done. Yeah. And actually say those words out loud. Just don't grunt when they, when your wife comes over, 

Natalie: you do good. I mean, encouragement is, you know, or encouragement, words of affirmation. We all, you know, even though you might, you might not necessarily need it to, you know, to continue.

It's sure nice to hear it. Yeah. Right. Like I, I can fully function. Without being told, Hey, you're doing, you know, stellar job, good job all day long, but it's sure nice to hear, to hear it. Right. And so I think encouraging your, your spouse is huge. 

Bryan: Absolutely. 

Misconception 2: Change Leads to Relationship Doom

Bryan: The next misconception that we've actually run into a fair amount when we coach couples is that people are so worried that.

If they change that, the relationship is doomed. If your partner changes a relationship, we do because oftentimes because good, healthy change means maturity means more commitment, more faithfulness, the ability to have more capacity that. You feel like you're being left behind sometimes. I think that's more of the case than not where someone's like, well, they're really growing and they're like, Hey, well, I want to catch up.

Or they're like, man, I just think, well, they're growing so fast. I can't keep up with them. I'm just the bum bum here or bump on a 

Natalie: log. Exactly. We had one couple that like a few years back and it was that very thing. She was, you know, moving and growing and learning and advancing. And he. Could 

Bryan: not keep up and yeah, and just wanted to like hunt and work, hunt and work.

That was pretty much the two 

Natalie: things chill. And she was like, let's feed our minds and let's like grow intellectual. Let's, let's read books to help us grow in all of this. And she was just a driven, yeah. Woman, and he could not keep up and, and it destroyed their relationship. Right. 

Bryan: And this is kind of a continuation of the first one, even though it's its own, it's its own thing is that it's natural for people to grow like, right?

Like it's natural 

Natalie: and 

Bryan: necessary and it's necessary. It's natural. But where. 

Adapting to Each Other's Changes

Bryan: When you put a man and a woman together, you naturally just to have differences. And so you have to adapt and so the best thing for you to do is, I'm just going to say this a few times. I love this story. Embrace the suck. I think it has to do with working out and exercise, but there's things about changing that we just need to embrace and do, and that's adapting to each other's.

Changes adapting to each other's workloads, to their capacity shifts, to their, their, maybe their opinions have shifted, their perspective has shifted because they got older or whatever it is you have to find. And you're oftentimes in a relationship finding new common ground because you're maturing and growing and you're, you're, you're adding wisdom to your cache of knowledge.

Like you're now I'm a little bit wiser than I was two years ago. A hundred 

Natalie: percent. Using that as an opportunity to talk about, it's not just talk about our dreams and back to us time, but also using that time to talk about what are some of the challenges I'm facing. Right. You know, being able to articulate some of the fear of the unknown, right?

Bryan: And then there is the time sometimes where. Natalie's telling me about things that are going on and I like a genuinely have to ask am I solving or am I listening? 

Natalie: Exactly. But you know, you're showing interest. Yeah. You're showing interest in, in what is going on. What am I feeling? How am I coping? Yeah.

Bryan: And like even this, this kind of really ties into the first one, the way that you want to apply this and how to like understand that they're going to change. You change with them as you just need to sell the celebrate each other's growth. 100%. Yes. Absolutely. 

The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Bryan: Like, this is like, we do something at our, on, on Monday mornings on, on a, after a Sunday church with our church staff, I sit down with Pastor Brody and our team and, and we ask, Hey, what's a win this week?

What, what has gone on in the last couple of weeks? That's a win. Yeah. What's, what's been a struggle? What's been, what's been a win? What's been really hard? What, what's something that's like, do you feel as a strength or what do you feel is a weakness? Like, and how can we make it better and how can we can't fix things unless we know about it.

And it's the same thing with your relationship. If you're struggling with something, you may not be able to fix it right away. Honestly, like sometimes I will have an issue with something that we're doing that I just don't like or that for some reason rubs me the wrong way and I'll talk to her hopefully in a proper normal conversational tone.

But it's not, sometimes it's new. I can't fix this right now, but what I can do is commit to, Hey, now that I know I'm going to commit to meeting that expectation because I love you. Exactly. But if you don't communicate, how do you 

Natalie: know? And you know, being in that mindset of like, change is scary. It change is scary and, but it doesn't, it doesn't mean a death sentence for your relationship.

Right. Absolutely. Right. It just, it just means, you know, finding creative ways to support each other and to find common ground. A hundred 

Bryan: percent. I think that this is a, your relationship isn't doomed. It's doomed when you all of a sudden think, well, I'm not good enough and I can't keep up or I can't do what they're 

Natalie: doing.

I mean, if you've checked out in your heart I think then that's where you tread down that road of doomage. 

Bryan: That's a word to use. 

Overcoming Fear of Change

Bryan: One of the next or the next misconception is, is fear of change indicates weakness or insecurity. So you start or shall I? That's 

Natalie: a tough one. Fear of change. You know, it's, it's common.

And it doesn't like my fear of change. I wouldn't say that I'm weak in thinking that I think that it's 100 percent a natural response. 

Bryan: It is. And I think the way, just like, just like any other emotion, any other feeling. It's what you do with it. Yeah. 

Natalie: That's going to count. Exactly. If I can, you know, you hear the terms like face your fear and embrace the suck.

Yeah. 

Conquering Fear through Experience

Natalie: Or like I have a fear, a huge fear of heights. And so when we had gone on to Disneyland, the thought of going on that roller coaster was so scary. Yeah. And I was shaking and I just could not even talk. And I was just like, I could, I was like trying to breathe my way through and it's the Incredicoaster.

And I, and my mind had very little seconds to, to, to come to terms with one. This thing goes, there is no stopping it. So I, I have to, I'm, I'm on it for the ride. And and there's no getting off. That's a really good comparison. So the first time I went on that, my eyes were closed the whole time and I was like, I'm just surviving.

I'm just surviving. I'm just surviving. Please let it not, you know, fall off the track and all these things as it's screaming like it's, it's a very fast roller coaster. Meanwhile, I'm 

Bryan: thinking, well, if I'm going to die, this is going to be a great way to 

Natalie: do it. And, and then the second time I was like maybe, maybe I can open my eyes.

And I did, and, and then I think we wrote it, I don't know, five times or whatever. By the end of it, my eyes were open the whole time and I even like let go of the little handlebar thingies, right? There's something powerful that I felt when I conquered that fear of, you know, zero. I don't even know how fast that thing goes.

Fear of heights, fear of rollercoasters, fear of going upside down, fear of change, fear of change and like not being in control. 

The Role of Fear in Relationships

Bryan: And it's like fear can be a weakness and an insecurity. Don't get us wrong. Fear can be those things, but it doesn't have to be. Yeah. And it also, if you fear change, that doesn't indicate that you're weak or that you're in, you actually have insecurities.

Oftentimes it's just. Change may have been really hard for you and it's okay to have a response for it, but what it can't do is control your relationship. 

Natalie: No. And you know, like we're being very vague. You could have had something super traumatic happened that has shaped your viewpoint. And that's valid.

And I think that, you know, part of the, how, how do we. Walk through those feelings of feeling weak or insecure is establishing a safe environment to talk about it. 

Bryan: Right. And this is the thing though, is that sometimes in your relationship, depending on even your engagement or the level of relationship or transparency you had even before, and you're going to find that there's things that.

That actually you have a trauma or not a trend, sometimes a trauma response or like a, almost a PTSD response or a cognitive dissonance about a certain thing that you didn't know that you were going to have to face. And you did. And all of a sudden it just brings up just all these feelings and all these emotions and you're like, what is happening?

How do I, why am I feeling like this? And you actually have to take a minute and just self reflect and figure those things out. But you didn't know that there was going to be a thing and now you and your, your, your ex both. Spouse, spouse, spouse are having to work through these things that are fresh for both of you that you're like, why are you feeling like this?

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Like this is, I didn't know this was going to be an issue for me, but it really is apparently like those are surprises. Those ones you, when you handle them, maybe the first time you don't handle it great, but it's the other ones that you have that are happening on a regular basis to where change is just happening that we have to embrace those things.

Exactly. 

Natalie: And be transparent with each other. Yes. Right. Like, like, especially, you know, in dealing with traumatic things where we actually can shut those experiences out of our minds. Sometimes there's a trigger that That, that opens up that part of the brain again. Yeah. 

Bryan: Just floods in 

Natalie: emotions, right?

Like, I think that being open and transparent and providing a safe space to say, Hey, let's talk to a professional, let's, let's get you the help that you need. That is the strongest response I think that you can have is to acknowledge your need for 

Bryan: help. Yeah. Yeah. And need for help. And then being transparent and do regular check ins with.

your spouse. Like these are some of the applications, regular check ins with each other. And the one that like, this is the thing guys, because I'm a guy it takes us a while to trust like anyone, most guys. I'm one of those guys that's like, it takes time to, for me to build a good, strong, healthy relationship with men where I really trust him.

But it also takes time when you're, you're married to have that level of transparency. level of trust with each other so that I can, I can come to her and just be open. And like guys, it takes guts and bravery and courage to share the innermost dark. I'd like just to say to your wife, I'm really scared for the future cause I don't know what's going to happen or I'm really struggling with this particular thing or this is really bothering me and I can't seem to shake it.

Like, and oftentimes. If you have a healthy wife and a healthy relationship when you like, there's so much talk about this on the internet. The reason that men don't share is because they've been laughed at because they've showed emotion. If you have the right woman in your life, that that ability to share those things is not a weakness.

It's a strength and she will, she will help you turn those weaknesses into 

Natalie: strength and it's. It is a huge opportunity to build a trust bond between you and your 

Bryan: spouse. Yep. Absolutely. 

Misconceptions about Love and Fear

Bryan: This, this next misconception is actually my favorite one out of the four because it's, it's the one that you see in these stupid romantic comedies so often love should be enough to overcome fear of change.

And actually, I think I want to take the love should be enough to overcome and then you can add fear of change. You can add problems and it should be it should overcome fear or like job loss. Instagram struggles, porn addictions, like issue, like whatever it should be. Love should be enough to overcome.

But the truth is love. 

The Power of Love and Communication

Bryan: It is a hugely strong foundation that you need to have in your relationship. Like that has to be the basis for you. I love this person and I'm willing to die for this person and not only am I willing to die moral, I am willing to live for this person and serve this person. But while you're navigating those fears and those struggles that are going on, that may be the foundation, but it's not going to be always enough to overcome all those things.

It requires communication. Yes. It requires a time, it requires an understanding effort, effort. We got to put the work into it. You got to put the forgiveness into it, the, the repentance into it, the, you got to put all of those things into it. 

The Need for Professional Help in Relationships

Bryan: And if you need professional help, get professional, 

Natalie: get professional help.

Let's like remove the stigma that professional help is somehow a sign of, you know, Oh, we have problems. know, you're smart when you Routinely do those check ins with a counselor as a preemptive, you know, you don't, or hopefully you don't wait till you have, you know, nerves and showing in your teeth before you get dental help.

Hopefully you don't, you go as a preventative measure to get your teeth clean, to get them checked. Well, the same thing applies in, in marriage. Like we had one couple that had said to us that they were going to marriage counseling. Not because anything was wrong, but as a preventative measure. And I just looked at her and I said, you are so smart.

What a wonderful, like, we're just, we're, we're taking action before it gets to a point where we're like needing 

Bryan: to go. One of those, one of the couples we coach, they always, they call, Hey, we're just getting an oil change and they're maintaining their, they're doing maintenance on the vehicle. I really love that.

They're just getting an oil change. And I think that, Yeah. Thank you. That, like we meet with couples regularly that challenge us and we'll call us 

Natalie: out, you need that. 

Bryan: Yeah. You need people that aren't. Yes. People. You need people that are willing to stand up to you and be like, nah, I don't think you're right on this one.

Brian. Exactly. And the way that we. We thought to apply this to your relationship because every one of these four points, they're similar, but they're different and they're all tied to each other. Exactly. As you need to realize, all of you listeners right now need you to hear this rom coms were not correct.

Love is not the only thing that you need. It's vital, right? It's hugely crucial. It's very, very valuable, but it isn't, it's not the complete solution to the whole thing. Right. And this is what you've heard us say this many times is that we're going to say, well, we want to train you and teach you and give you all that we've struggled with in the tools and toolbox.

You need to arm yourself with these things. These are practical, effective applications that actually are worthwhile. Well, and this is, we say, well, every relationship is different. Like every one of these four points, maybe you have a, a part of it or a little bit, or maybe the whole thing, or maybe there's a whole bunch of other misconceptions.

But if you know what they are, the foundations for communication are foundations that are effective for 

Natalie: everyone. And you know, it's not like, Oh, I learned it once. And so we're good. No, like, you know how your relationship is always changing and evolving while so are the applications. Yeah. Right. And like things that we did.

You know, 20 years ago yeah, some we still apply to this day, but others we've had to adapt and we've had to change and sometimes we've had to update them or just downright throw them out. Yeah. Right. Like you need to be open to having conflict resolution techniques and, and I mean, when we first got married, we didn't have the internet like, like it's today, right?

We didn't have all these resources at our fingertips, you know, we could just Google something and there'd be like a. Billion, you know, YouTube videos on it or podcast options. You didn't have that. You have to read a book and, and it takes time to go through the book, right? It's not like you had everything at your fast food mentality right at your fingertips.

You had to really dig deep. And while that, you know, it is good. I mean, it's certainly convenient. The way that technology is now in media to be able to find tools at a glance, so to 

Bryan: speak. Yeah, absolutely. And there's just so many things that you, once we're having a conversation just earlier today with, with my son and saying, and we can't fix issues on any level.

On relationship and church issues friendship issues, marriage issues, unless we know what the problem is. And so if you don't communicate what the problem is, we can't fix the problem. Right. 

Maintaining Connection in Relationships

Bryan: And so often what happens is, is because people fear these four things, or maybe there's another four things that you're struggling with.

You fear change. You have tension in the relationship and the tension grows and now you're just, you're, you're mentally just not with each other on the same page is you don't address those things. Right. And you stop. You stop. Yeah. Talking and you stop communicating. Like you may be, you're like, Oh no, we communicate well.

When's the last time you actually talked about what's happening in the future? Like there's our house, like Natalie and I love talking about houses that we want to buy right down the road. We talk about dreams. You talk about what does this look like? What does it look like if I'm not going to pastor in 10 years, right?

Like I want to do this until I'm either dead or they fire me is what I always tell Pastor Brody. Yeah. What do we want to do? Like, what's our plan after? What's going to be the plan with our kids when we have grandkids? Where are we going to live? What it's going to happen? Are we going to be able to do marriage counseling?

What like what's, what's all, you don't know those things unless you're willing to build the relationship into communication, applying these things that you listen and listening to each other and actually creating space for 

Natalie: us time. And I mean, it takes work because there's times where we have to schedule in our calendars.

Like we are 

Bryan: having, we're having an hour date night, we're going for a drive, 

Natalie: you know, what are we doing? Even if it's for an hour, right. Even if it's, you know, in, I'm coming with you to drop a kid off wherever they're going. Right. And it might be just be a 20 minutes. We just 

Bryan: jump at the chance to just do those little ones together.

Exactly. 

Natalie: Because, you know, I mean, let's face it, you were here before years before our children ever came along. Right. And though we struggled, I, I liked your company. I still desired your company. Or he 

Bryan: wanted the better version of me in 

Natalie: that company. Right. And regardless, like at a heart level, I, I wanted that connection and that just doesn't stop because we had kids, right?

We had to cultivate that to continue that desire for connection because when they're gone, my greatest fear was like looking across the table and go, who are you? Right. Like, we're on different, we're in different books. I didn't want that. Yeah. You still don't want that? 

Bryan: No, I don't. Yeah, absolutely. 

Final Thoughts and Wrap Up

Bryan: Is there any, you have any final thoughts?

I love, know you love being put on the spot. I 

Natalie: just had one of, you know, back to this, you know, applications of what you could do. Find a workshop. Like, there's nothing wrong, like find a weekend getaway or a seminar that you could go to to enrich your relationship. I think that that 

Bryan: there's, there's stuff all over.

You can do online ones. Exactly. Alpha does them. We've done them. There's, they're this, they're all over the place that you can do and and just look into that. A hundred percent. My final word is embrace the suck. I think you should make a shirt. Well, I'm pretty sure someone else said that. I can't claim credit for that, but yes, I'm going to make sure that this isn't embraced to 

Natalie: suck.

Right. It'll be a conversation starter. 

Bryan: That's right. Well, you hear this, say this, if you like this podcast and you're enjoying this, it means so much to you. When you share it, you go into our website and you leave a review, let people know about amplified marriage. You can follow us on Instagram and on Facebook.

If you have a topic. That you want us to discuss or even a question that you want us to answer that we can do for the podcast. If you have anything you'd like to discuss, please email us at amplified marriage at gmail. com. And as you have heard us say many times before, we believe that marriage can be reset, refreshed, 

Natalie: recharged, and restored.

Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.