Believe Like A Boss
Learn how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual (energetic) alignment and intentional action. Join each week as Life Coach Nandi (rhymes with Gandhi) teaches you how to create what she calls "a life of thrive" with ease and authenticity. | NandiCamille.com
Believe Like A Boss
What If It Goes Well? Reframing Your Fear of Being Seen
What if the very thing holding you back from showing up in your full power is the fear of being seen? In this deeply personal exploration of vulnerability, I break down why visibility feels so uncomfortable and provide practical strategies to move past that discomfort into authentic expression.
As someone who identifies as an ambivert – needing both social connection and solitary recharge time – I understand the complexity of putting yourself out there, especially as an entrepreneur or leader. What I've discovered is that everyone has their own "edge" when it comes to visibility – that point where you feel triggered, uncomfortable, and exposed. Your edge isn't a stop sign; it's an invitation to explore what's possible when you lean in rather than retreat.
When fear thoughts arise – "What if I sound dumb?" "What if people think I'm full of myself?" "What if I fail publicly?" – I'll show you how to give those fears the microphone and follow them all the way through. You'll learn to shift from asking "How do I look?" to the more powerful question: "How do I serve?" This single perspective shift can transform how you approach visibility in your business, career, and life.
For those carrying childhood messages like "don't be too much" or "tone it down," I share my own journey of reclaiming my right to take up space despite being told I was "doing too much" long before my adult ADHD diagnosis. The truth is, your people need exactly what you have to offer – and those who think you're too much simply aren't your people.
Ready to expand your edges and step into greater visibility with confidence? Let's transform that vulnerability into your greatest strength.
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Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, Nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host life coach, Nandi Camille. Welcome back, my friends, we are now in April. I'm so grateful to be in April. As I told you last month, I'm already counting down until my birthday, so I started talking to Tyler about what we want to do, where I want to go, what the day is going to look like.
Speaker 2:I think that I mentioned in the last episode that I am an introvert on my birthday. I'm an ambivert. Overall, it's my personality type. When you think introverts versus extroverts, I'm an ambivert, which is both, which is a funny thing, but I actually really, truly love that I'm an ambivert. I think that it works very well for the professions that I have.
Speaker 2:I'm an introvert in that I really, really, really need alone time. I need downtime to myself, nobody talking to me. That's where I regain my energy. And for those of you who don't know the difference between an introvert and an extrovert, that's the general definition. An introvert is somebody that gets energy from being alone and that being around other people depletes their energy. An extrovert gets energy from being in a large group of people, whereas being alone might be very draining for them and, as an ambivert, I'm a little bit of both. So, generally speaking, I do need a lot of time to rest and recuperate, but my extrovertedness comes out in my business. So as a life coach, I am speaking on stages, I'm going to networking events and meeting women, and when I'm in these spaces my extrovert turns on. I can network like a pro, walk around, talk to people, introduce myself, connect other people in the room, be good energy in the space. That's when my extrovert comes out. But I promise you the second I leave an event where I'm like that, whether I'm speaking on stage or I'm networking, as soon as I walk out of the building. While it was energizing being in the space, I then do need to recuperate by myself, though I do count being with my husband as being by myself, which I think is a blessing. He's truly my best friend. Does he get on my nerves? Absolutely, but he is definitely my best friend, and so I count him when I say I either need to be alone or with my husband, because that feels like the same thing. Not that me being with him is him non-existent. It's just that I'm so comfortable with him that I don't have to think when I'm around him versus you know when you have to think when you're around other people. That's that introvert, that's like I don't have to think, I don't have to process emotions. When I'm with my husband, it's really lovely, I don't have to do those things. All right, beautiful people.
Speaker 2:This week we are talking about vulnerability. We're talking about being seen, the magic of being seen, and why visibility feels so vulnerable, and then how to move through it. You know, I'm never just going to give you information, not give you some tools. I'm going to give you some tools. If you're new to this podcast, welcome my friends.
Speaker 2:My name is Nandi. Rhymes with Gandhi. I'm a mindfulness-based life coach. I help high-achieving women, specifically entrepreneurs and executive women, scale their business, scale their lives, step back into alignment, stop feeling behind, and really all that means is us looking at what do I want? What are the things that are getting in my way? Nine times out of 10, those things are just thoughts. So what are the thoughts that are getting in my way and what might I think instead to better align myself and my life with the things that I truly do desire? As always, my friends, take what sticks to you, leave the rest. Specifically today.
Speaker 2:Like I said, we're talking about vulnerability and being seen and how those two things go hand in hand, as I was leading in, with being an introvert and an extrovert and ambivert. If you're an introvert, this is especially difficult for you, especially if you're a creative entrepreneur and you're an introvert. Oh, my goodness right, you're a person that wants to build a business, that wants to create value in the world and be paid for the value you're creating, but you're an introvert. How am I going to tell people about the things I don't like? Going on Instagram live? I don't want to do the thing. So I find that my introverts that are building businesses or maybe not building businesses, but are an executive and want to grow as a leader within the corporation that they're in or the nonprofit, the company that they're within that speaking up, being seen, is especially painful. Now for my extroverts, since that's how we led in, we're just going to keep on that train. This might be a little less difficult, right, when you think about, as an extrovert, getting on Instagram live or doing a post or creating a new reel or TikTok. This may not be as cumbersome or as scary for you, because you love to be around people. You love to make people laugh, you love to give energy to the room, and so for you being seen may not be as difficult.
Speaker 2:I would say that for everybody, everybody has an edge right. Where for some person, walking into a networking event and walking up to a stranger is a hard no, for somebody else that's like the baseline, that's like the minimum, oh, just walking up to a stranger and saying hello at a networking event Great. Whereas that same person who might feel comfortable walking up to somebody in a networking event, if you ask them to be seen on stage, that might be their edge. So everybody has a different edge right, and the beautiful thing about edges is that that's an edge. You can expand your edges right when you find your edge. It doesn't mean that that's where you stop. It doesn't mean that you can only shake hands with people and network that way if you find that your edge is standing on stage when we find our edges and I'll use this phrase when I teach twerk classes, twerk shops I used it recently In teaching. A twerk shop is a very sexual, hip hop infused, explicit class right. And so when I was teaching this class this was in early February the group of women that was in there.
Speaker 2:I said I want you to find your edges, and what it meant in that context was when you're twerking, when you're on the ground and you're grinding, when you're doing body rolls and you feel uncomfortable, that's your edge. Now, what do we do with that information? When I found my edge oh, that's uncomfortable, you get to decide. Now, what do we do with that information? When I found my edge? Oh, that's uncomfortable, you get to decide. This is where I stop. I only want to shake hands with people in networking events and I don't want to step on stages. That's my edge and that's where I'd like to stop. Now you might find your edge and be like oh, that's my edge.
Speaker 2:I'm very uncomfortable with speaking on stages, but I would like to become more comfortable. Again, an edge is just a bit of information. Right, it's a cue emotionally that you feel triggered, right, but truly it's an opportunity to check in. Oh, I found an edge. I'm uncomfortable talking. I'm uncomfortable doing. I'm uncomfortable. Dot dot, dot. Would I like to become more comfortable in this area? Or would I like to affirm that this is my edge For the person that's wanting to bump up against their edges, which I highly encourage, especially as you're a business owner. If you're an entrepreneur, I want you to find your edges, because your edges think about it this way are your blind spots right, and so the way that we find our edges is by playing, and so one of the ways that I like to play with my clients is tossing things out.
Speaker 2:So, staying on this topic of vulnerability, let's say I'm working with somebody and I ask them okay, well, how do you feel about speaking on stages? How do you feel about being seen there? And they might be like, oh, that's, that's totally fine, cool. How do you feel about speaking online on the internets, with social media and doing a live? That might be an edge for them. Oh, I don't, I don't know, I don't know how I feel about that.
Speaker 2:From there, we unpack it. Why do you think? Just initial answer. Why do you think it is that you don't feel comfortable going on Instagram Live? Why do you think it is that you don't feel comfortable being seen in the workspace, speaking up in meetings, posting when you want to? I just want you to check in and see what initial answer comes up for you Because, as a mindfulness-based life coach right, mindfulness is awareness without judgment. We're going to be aware of what it is that we want, what it is that we're seeing and what it is that we'd like to do next. So just be aware. How do you feel about being seen? I paused on purpose. I really want you to think about that. How do you feel about being seen? Here's some reasons why you might feel a little bit itchy about being seen, other than being an introvert.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we get fear of judgment. I'm afraid I'm going to be judged. What if I sound dumb? What if they think I'm full of myself? What if I fail publicly? One of my favorite things to do and if you've been here for a while, you know what I'm about to say One of my favorite things to do when fear shows up is give fear the microphone. What if you sound dumb? First of all, what does that mean? So many times again, we get fear thoughts that pop up. What if I sound dumb? What if I fail publicly? Okay, well, what does it mean to sound dumb? Don't just let the thought pop up, because that's often what happens. What if I sound dumb? End of story. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going on Instagram live. I'm not posting at all, I'm not going to that network. What if I sound dumb? Notice has that happened to you. What I want you to do is lean in. Lean in when that fear comes up. Lean in when your chest gets tight. Lean in when you start to feel the anxiety creep in. There's some information that you're being given. Don't run away. Lean in. What does it mean to sound dumb? What does that mean? And for you it might be.
Speaker 2:When I get nervous, I stutter and I trip over my words and I just don't know what to say to people, and then I feel dumb. Great, great. That gives us our stepping stone. If you're afraid that I'm going to trip over my words, that gives us our stepping stone. If you're afraid that I'm going to trip over my words, if you're afraid I'm going to say dumb things, let's back up. What is it that makes you nervous about going in the first place? I feel silly when I talk to people, or I just never know what to say. Okay, well, what do you want to say? Oh, I never really thought about that. I want to say who I am and what I do, and I want to ask them about what they do. Great, right. Notice, when we can look at the fear, we can unpack it and from that place, we have our stepping stone.
Speaker 2:So, when it comes to being seen, if the thought is what if I sound dumb? I'm going to need you to break that down, please. What does it mean to you to sound dumb and what would it mean instead? How do you want to feel? Instead of dumb? Right, for some of you, it's smart. For some of you, it's put together. For some of you, it is something else. How do you want to feel instead?
Speaker 2:Let's say, the fear thought, the judgmental thought, is what if they think I'm full of myself? I don't want to get on stage. I don't want to get on Instagram live. What if they think I'm full of myself? Your person needs to hear what you have to say. That is the way that I cut through all of the noise when I need to show up and I have this thought.
Speaker 2:What if people think that I'm full of myself? The way that it shows up for me is what if people think that I'm a know-it-all? What if people think that you're a know-it-all Before? It used to be? What if people think that you're dumb because you're so young? Right, I'm going on 32 now. So when I first started my coaching business, I was in my mid twenties and I used to think all the time what if people don't believe me? What if people think I'm dumb because I'm a young person? Like? What if they think I'm dumb Like I'm over here trying to teach people how to live their best life? What if they just think, like you haven't even lived any life, you're in your 20s, like ugh, you're just full of yourself, you're a know-it-all? That's what will come up for me, and I kept in my back pocket the message my people need to hear what I have to say. The people that think that you're too full of yourself are not your people. That's the, for me, the lightest way to let go of that energy. That's the, for me, the lightest way to let go of that energy. What if people think I'm full of myself? Those are not your people. Your people need to hear what you have to say. Your people want what you have to offer, right?
Speaker 2:Imagine if let's go to our most extreme examples, our celebrities. But let's go to Beyonce, right? Let's say Beyonce was like oh, people are going to think I'm too full of myself. Oh, my gosh, howyonce would we miss out on the fact that she showed up. I think it was um wasn't inauguration, because kamala didn't win, but it was one. I would think it was the democratic party night. I'm not going into politics, but this is a really great example.
Speaker 2:Beyonce shows up, not at the actual, like democratic convention, but she shows up on screen. Homegirl had a bodysuit on, a bodysuit with hair flowing, cowgirl hat on. This is for the Democratic convention. So you would think like maybe she's going to wear a suit or something put together. No, she's Beyonce. And guess what? She wasn't thinking. What if they think I'm too full of myself? No, she brought her full Beyonce self and I was personally very grateful for that. Right, I'm her people. I wouldn't say that I'm too full of myself. No, she brought her full Beyonce self and I was personally very grateful for that. Right, I'm her people. I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily a huge Beyonce fan. I know her hits, but I appreciated in that moment that she stood in her power. This is who I am. This is how I like to represent myself, whether I'm on stage at my own concert or I'm speaking for the Democratic Convention.
Speaker 2:Right, your person needs you to show up fully. Your people need you to show up fully, because when you do, you give them permission to do the same. Not that anybody needs permission, but when we notice, oh, look at her standing up in her power, promoting her product with love and excitement, being her honest, fulfilled, aligned self, her creative self, that's what's inspiring. So when you think the thought, what if they think I'm full of myself? I want you to notice that's a fear thought trying to protect you, trying to protect you from being judged, trying to protect you from people saying mean things to you. Right, and let's follow that fear through.
Speaker 2:What if people judge you? What if there is one or two people that think you're full of yourself? Are you willing to shut down your dream for the opinions of other people, because that's what that comes down to or are you willing to be misunderstood? Are you willing to show up and do the work that's been placed on your heart? Show up and sell the product that you've been so excited to sell, build the business, build the program, step into the leadership position. Are you willing to do that regardless of how other people think and feel about it? Or are you going to let the opinions and thoughts of other people keep you where you are, and that's a personal question. It's not a bullying question. You're going to let their opinions push you around. No, you get to check in for yourself what feels true for you.
Speaker 2:Another judgment, thought that you might have, fear, thought you might have, is what if I fail publicly? This keeps a lot of people from showing up online, myself included. When I have that thought and that thought is strong, what if I fail publicly? It's that thought of like, what if I look bad? Right, what if I look stupid? What if I look dumb? What if I fail publicly? What if I look bad? They all go in the same bucket.
Speaker 2:That's us again, the brain trying to protect us from failure, trying to protect us from making a mistake. But when we zoom out, we notice that making a mistake or, quote, failure is where we learn. That is exactly where we learn. And what I would offer again flip it around. Instead of here's both sides. Instead of, before we flip it around, let's follow it through. What if I fail publicly? First of all, what does that mean to you? Secondly, what if you? You fail publicly? So let's say for you you're failing publicly means what if I black out? What if I, like literally forget everything that I'm supposed to be talking about? What if I fail publicly and I just stop talking? Then what? Let's say you did get on instagram reels and or live and you're talking and then all of a sudden you forget your words. What would you do, right? Follow the fear all the way through.
Speaker 1:Chances are you're gonna be like oh my gosh guys, I totally forgot what we were talking about.
Speaker 2:And then somebody's going to chime in and help you or you're going to very peacefully, kindly excuse yourself from your life. Oh, you know what, guys? Let me get my notes real quick. Let me bounce back right. When you think through it, you give yourself more power Instead of giving fear the power. Give yourself the power right. And so let's follow that through again.
Speaker 2:You what if I fail? Publicly? Answer the question, right, I might dot dot, dot. Now here's where we flip it around. What would it look like to succeed?
Speaker 2:Because so often we're so focused on what if I fail? What if I look dumb? What if it's dumb? What if people hate me? What if my coworkers see it and they think I'm dumb? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if it goes well? And what does it mean for you to be successful? Those are the two questions I'm going to throw at you. What if it goes well? When your brain says what if I fail? Well, what if it goes well? Because that's what we're going for. So I mean, let's spend some time thinking about that. What if it goes well? What then?
Speaker 2:And again, I'm going to have you unpack all of these things, because this is our awareness right. What does it even mean for it to go well? Have you defined that? What does it mean for your life to go well? What does it mean for your conversation with your boss to ask for a raise to go well? What does it mean for you to have your blog go well, whatever it is that you're working on right? What does it mean for motherhood to go well? What does it mean for you to be a good mother? What does it mean for you to be a quote good wife, whatever the thing is that is important to you that you want to be successful at? Define what it means to be successful first, and then, from there again, you will have your stepping stones on how to get there right. If being successful to you is being articulate great. Now you've defined. My most successful self is articulate Great. Do you feel articulate about yourself right now, yes or no? If you don't, what resources are going to help you to feel more articulate? If you do, what resources helped you become the articulate person you are today? You can trust yourself. I'm going to say that so many times. That is my job. At the end of the day, as a life coach, is reminding you that you can trust yourself, reminding you that you have the ability to create success as you define success period.
Speaker 2:I also want to highlight that, especially in marginalized communities, childhood wounds like don't talk too much or tone it down can be carried with us right that we might not recognize that the reason why we feel so hesitant to speaking out loud, to saying our truth, to talking about our business, to talking about our lives, whatever it is for you, there's this little nagging mom, dad, brother, sister, somebody in the back of our head that says don't be too much or you're being too much. And so, from that place, trying to protect us from being judged from being too much, we tone ourselves down. I'm personally guilty of this. My family did not know that I had ADHD. I did not know that I had ADHD until I was an adult. They still do not believe that I do. But as a child, I was told all the time Nani, you're doing too much. Nani, you're doing too much. Why are you flailing about? Why are you dancing in the kitchen? Why are you forgetting these things? And so, as an adult, I internalized a lot of that and I became afraid of being too much. It's still something that I have to face and when it comes up for me, what if you're too much? I have to remember again what I said to you moments ago For my people, I'm not too much. For my people, I'm exactly enough. For the people that aren't for me, I might be too much, and that's okay. Those are not my people, that's okay. They're just not my people. And the way that we've talked about it before ice cream flavors right, you might like strawberry. Your best friend might like mint chocolate chip. It's not a problem, they can like mint chocolate chip. You can like strawberry. Homegirl down the street might like orange creamsicle, and it's not a problem. Right, your job is to be your fullest, most aligned version of you, and from that place you will attract the clients, the new opportunities, the person you are looking for. Last thing I want to name here is perfection and comparison, because this often, too, can get in the way of us just showing up being vulnerable, whether it's online or in person with a new friend.
Speaker 2:Visibility is filtered through a lens of how do I look? Right? Often, we're thinking how do I look? How do I look, how do I look? And what I want to offer is the question how do I serve? There's nothing wrong in the question. How do I look? Y do I look? And what I want to offer is the question how do I serve? There's nothing wrong in the question. How do I look? Y'all know I love a good outfit. I love putting myself together, I love the whole process and my appearance is important to me. But what's more important than that? More important than that in any way? It doesn't matter how beautiful the building is, how beautiful the coffee is, how beautiful the airplane is. If the service you are receiving is not kind, people don't care how beautiful it is. And in the same way, it goes hand in hand with when we're selling our business, when we're getting on live, when we're talking about what we're excited about.
Speaker 2:If you're a blogger, think more about how you serve. This will shift the brain off of the train track of how do I look? How do I look? How do I look and fear thoughts into how do I serve? How do I give back? What am I giving back right now? Or was I so focused on how I look and how my background looks that I forgot what it is that I was talking about? I forgot that I wanted to get on live to sell my clay earrings that I started making because I found out that I love working with clay during COVID. And now I've been doing this for four years and I absolutely love making clay and I love when people wear my earrings and I love that it brings joy to people's lives. That's why I started doing this. Yes, I love the kickback of the money that I get from my clay earrings, but what I started with is I love serving people. I love creating beautiful things for people to wear. What is your why? Why did you start? What are you here to do? What are you here to serve? Who are you here to serve?
Speaker 2:At the end of the day, the way that I think about work and business is helping people. How do you want to help people? Whether you're a comedian or a singer, songwriter or an architect, how are you helping people? Trust me when I say I'm so grateful for comedians. They help me so much. I love comedians. I love going to a comedy show and being so present, doubling over in laughter. My stomach hurts, my face hurts because my cheeks have been just smiling all night. That's how comedians serve me.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're a painter, a comedian, you're an executive director, you run a nonprofit, you're a model, you're a mom whatever title labels you wear, how do you serve For the person that's looking to build their business, which is the majority of the women that I'm working with? How do you serve your clients? For the women that are in executive positions and you have a team, how do you serve your team and how does your team and you serve your customer base? How do you serve? As always, my friends, take what sticks to you, leave the rest, go out there and be vulnerable. My friends, go, be visible. And if you want help being visible and playing in your vulnerability, and if you want help being visible and playing in your vulnerability, send me an email, hello at NandiCamillecom.
Speaker 2:And if you go and you do something new, you go and you put yourself out there, or you're like Nandi, I'm going to do my first blog and I write my first newsletter. Tell me. I want to hear what you all are doing. I want to hear how you're being seen. I want to hear what you're trying out and I want to hear how it goes, whether you're like. I thought I was going to fail. I was so afraid that I was going to fail and I went and it was great, or I was afraid, and it ended up being as bad as I thought. But this is what I'm going to do next time. Tell me. I would love to hear what you all are doing, how you're all applying this to your life, to your business, to your career, to your home life. Again, my email is hello at nandikamilcom. This is also in the show notes and, as always, my friends, if you're ready to coach, I'm ready for you. Book your free discovery call at nandikamilasme, I'll see you next week.
Speaker 2:Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five-star rating. Share it with your friends. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey go ahead to nandikamilcom to learn more, or head over to nandikamilasme to sign up for your free discovery call.