What We Miss When We Overfocus - By Enneagram Type

Enneagram type is frequently described as a lens through which we see the world. This lens often causes us to overfocus on certain things and completely miss other things! What if we could shift our focus to see what we’re missing?

This episode was inspired by my own thoughts around what I tend to overfocus on and what that causes me to miss, and as I reflected on this idea, I realized that I’d experience more balance, fulfillment, and freedom if I could shift my perspective.

So what about you? What do you tend to overfocus on? What does that cause you to miss? What would be different if you shifted your focus?

Key Takeaways:

• The Enneagram as a camera lens rather than colored glasses
• What we overfocus on by type

Enneagram Resources for You

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Transcript

Steph Barron Hall 1:55

Hello, and welcome back to Enneagram in Real Life. A podcast that will help you go beyond Enneagram theory into practical understanding so that you can apply the Enneagram in your day-to-day life. I'm your host, Steph Barron hall, creator of Nine Types Co. on Instagram, author of The Enneagram in Love, accredited Enneagram professional, and ennea-curious human, just like you. Be sure to check out the show notes for more ways to apply the Enneagram in your daily life. Thanks so much for listening and now on to the show.

2:27

Hello, happy Tuesday or whatever day it is that you are listening to this podcast. I'm so glad you're here. And today we're going to do something a little bit different. One of the things that I. Love about the Enneagram is how powerful it can really be when we're thinking about. Like really applying it to our daily lives. Obviously that's my entire thing. Right. That's my whole spiel. It's all about. Enneagram and real life applying the Enneagram, making it really practical. And, you know, I have courses and coaching and all these sorts of things to help you do that. And also that's what I've kind of been doing on Instagram for years is taking, you know, any grid material and contextualizing it to all these different spaces of our lives. And today I wanted to talk about one of those things, because I think this concept can be so helpful. And also. It's something that I always need to return to. I don't know about you, but, um, I, in the past have really felt like, oh my gosh, I really need to be perfect at this thing before I can share about it. And to an extent. I think you definitely need to do some of your own work. Like it would be really hypocritical of me to be out here saying journal, do this, do that, get coaching, go to therapy, whatever else it is. If I'm not willing to do that for myself. Of course. You know, so I do actually apply the things that I'm talking And also, I think that the expectation is. In my brain sometimes is perfection. Whereas if I wait until I'm perfect at everything before sharing anything about it, that's not going to be super helpful. Because I will never get there. So, um, and as an aside, if you are thinking about starting something, maybe. You know, starting to share about something that you're excited Whether that's the Enneagram or something else, and you're waiting until you can do it perfectly before you start to share, just go ahead and start. Perfect is a total myth and you already have what you need. So that's an aside. But. This particular topic today. Um, is something that I continually go back to because I think it's so. Helpful. When we talk about the Enneagram, we often talk about it as like this lens, through which we see the world. And when I hear people say that sometimes I've seen. I've even seen people use the visual aid of like different colorful glasses. You're using. You know, these glasses are pink and these are orange and these are green, et cetera, et cetera. But when I think about a lens, I think about a camera so something you might not know about me, but maybe you should. Um, is that I always do things the hard way first. Like always, always, always. I don't know why that is. It's just what I gravitate towards. So for example, I learned how to drive a stick shift before I learned how to drive an automatic car. And when I started driving automatic, I was like, this feels a little strange. I'm not sure what to do with my other foot. While I'm driving. It was just a strange experience. And. The same actually goes for using a camera when I was, I guess, high school or college. I was given a, an old film camera. An old Canon camera. It was, it was very like vintagey and cool looking. And it was just such a fun thing for me to experiment with. But when I got It had this really specific lens filter on So this filter was so small that it was actually hard to find. Um, but it was like a micro filter where you had to be like within inches of whatever you're photographing. Or else everything was completely fuzzy. And. When it was given to me as a Skift. I didn't know the filter was on there and neither did the person who bought it for me and we couldn't figure out, like, why is everything so fuzzy? We didn't realize that it had this little specific thing on there. And We actually took it to a camera person. And he also was like, I don't, I don't know what's wrong with this camera. And then come to find out. We somehow figured out that between the actual body of the camera and the lens I was attached to it. There was this tiny disc that created this effect, which was a really cool effect to take photos with. Um, I have like a lot of really zoomed in photos Of different things. But. It was just a really bizarre experience when I had no idea that it was supposed to, that it was on there or that anything about that was intentional. We literally thought that the camera was broken. And. It caused this really like over focusing effect. Right. So it was just like way too focused on this one tiny little thing. You had to be interest from it and you're missing literally everything else. Like nothing else could even In focus at all because the focus field was literally like a few inches. And I, when I think of that, that's how I think we see the world through our Enneagram types. So when I think of the Enneagram types, as a lens through which we see the world. This is how I think about it. Um, I think of it as, as this like super specific, like micro focusing lens where we can only see things that are within these specific inches and we're missing so much else that's out there. I first shared this on Instagram, probably in January of this year. Um, and it was just something that I, I literally sat down and wrote like stream of consciousness because it was such a glaringly obvious thought in my mind at the time. Um, where I was like, what am I missing when I'm, I'm really over focusing on X, Y, and Z. Um, and what are, what are my coaching clients missing? You know, because I think that's one of the gifts of coaching, right? Is that I. Typically don't have clients that are my exact same type. Um, I have clients of all different types, which means that I can see things differently. One because I'm just not in their brain, but, but two, because I'm, I have a different lens. I'm able to see things completely differently and I'm able to see what they're missing and I'm able to see like, oh my gosh, Like this amazing, beautiful world out here. If you could just zoom out from that little piece of over-focus. Just a tiny So today I wanted to talk a little bit more about this, this topic, so today we're going to start with type eight. So we're going to start with the body or the gut triad and then move into the heart triad. And then finally the head triad. So starting with type When you over-focus. And all of these will have the format when you over-focus on blank. You might miss blank. So really kind of thinking through, you know, what are some of the things that you focus on? And a few like precursors here, one. You don't have to agree with everything that said about your type. There are so many more dimensions to us than what is explained in these that the archetypes of the Enneagram types. So think about what else is there? Like, what is more true if maybe you wouldn't describe it this way, but how would you describe it for yourself and get really curious about that? That's the whole reason for this tool? I think in a lot of ways is just to say. Okay, this is how you know, this specific motivation is working out in my day to day life. Maybe it's not exactly how it's described In this book. But maybe it's it's this instead. And being able to understand and describe that. That's the really important part for me. So. Let's talk about type eight. So for eights, when you over-focus on conquering small signs of quote, unquote weakness, like needing a break or needing help or needing rest or other physical Which eights often do this. Um, you might actually miss the feelings that you could be avoiding. They could sometimes come out looking like anger. Um, and that's why there is that need to conquer and to push through. Um, using that anger as a shield or as the tough exterior. So that nobody can. Push around or take advantage But there's more beneath the surface and sometimes there could be other feelings or emotions that. Need to come up. That needs to be processed when you're having that sensation of like, I have to power through this, I have to conquer this. I think a lot of eights can get really good Recognizing there, their body's signals. And they know instantaneously, like what feels off. And also the same eights at times when you're feeling stressed out or when you're feeling a little bit. Unhealthy, um, NABI. Things have just been really difficult. Those are the moments when that instinct to power through to conquer your needs. All those sorts of things can kick in. And so. I think sometimes if you can zoom out from that a little bit and Okay, what do I actually need here? What am I actually experiencing? What am I actually feeling? That can sometimes be really helpful. And then. Sometimes when eights over-focused on being concrete and practical and grounded. You might miss that it's not necessarily impractical to be in touch with emotions. It doesn't have to be either, or it doesn't have to be so black and white. There are a lot of things in life that make the most sense that aren't concrete. And I love the eights can be so concrete and practical. I think it's incredibly useful. And also there are times when seeing things. As very gray seeing things as very. Not cut and dry. As very uncertain and undecided. Sometimes that can be the most logical way to look at it. So yeah, that's something that aids could miss. All right type then. When you over-focus on avoiding, taking up too much space and believing that you don't matter, you might miss the real impact that you have on those around And this is like for better or for worse. I know a lot of nine to our small business owners, for example, and I encouraged them to write. Things down or just take screenshots or whatever, whatever. Um, clients share the impact that they've had because. It can be really easy for nines to forget that they have an impact on others. But I think this is also the case when. Nine to assume. Oh, it actually doesn't matter if I show up or not. Nobody's gonna notice that if I'm there anyway. If you believe that. Well guess what's going to happen. You're not going to show up. And then whether that's actually literally showing up to something or, you know, emotionally supporting somebody or something like that, not showing up for them. And then they notice because they're like, wow, your, your presence actually does matter But because you believe that it didn't, then you didn't show up and it caused like that disconnection that you're trying to avoid. Um, and so zooming out and being like, okay, if my presence matters, Then it can matter in all these different spaces. Also if you're a nine, when you over-focus on thinking that others care more than you do about almost everything you might miss that just because you share with different strengths or volumes or emotions does not make your convictions less important. And this is something that I hear from a lot of nines where they're like, wow, if. You know, if. I were being that loud about something I thought. About then I would have to be at this extreme level of emotion about it. So that must be what they're doing. And, you know, it seems like they care a lot more than I do about it. So I'll just go with whatever they think. When in reality. It really is about, you know, the way that you express things versus that other person. So just because you're not loud about it, just because you're not. So, um, Assertive about it doesn't necessarily mean. That your convictions matter less or they're, they're less deeply held for some reason. Um, they can still be really, really important to you and maybe you just aren't as dramatic about the way that you express them. And so kind of seeing it from that different angle might help you to see them differently and help you to verbalize them in a way that is really true to your values. A little Okay. Type one. When you over-focus on how you can improve yourself, you might miss how far you've come since this time, last year or this time. 2 3, 5 years ago. And. I know it can be really tempting to be like, well, I learned new information a month ago and I haven't integrated it yet, but that is not how our brains work. That is not how we work. Um, and so taking the long view could be extremely helpful. And understanding. The way that you process things and understanding the way that Self preservation ones in particular tends to be really focused internally on how well or how poorly they are doing when it comes to applying their self-improvement project knowledge. Um, But I really think taking the long view is helpful and I love. The poet and artist, um, Morgan, Harper, Nichols. And she talks about this all the time of like how beautifully I've grown since September of last year or kind of fill in the blank there. So I think that's really important for once. And then also for one's a little bit of a different perspective here. Um, when you over-focus on the way the world works and how it seems to be falling apart, you might miss the little things that could inspire awe and wonder. Like, there are always so many reasons to be devastated. And to be sad or angry or frustrated. Or to feel anxious and also. We don't have to erase those in order to feel a little moments of joy and awe and wonder and excitement. And especially when things personally, um, and I think this happens a lot for sexual ones in particular. Um, Sometimes these ones might feel like. Things might be going fine for me personally, but the world is literally falling apart. So therefore I am doing If somebody says, how are you? You might be like, well, I'm not doing well. I'm not, I'm not doing well at all. Um, and. I think that being able to like shift that perspective and see the little moments of. You know, what could be on inspiring and in your daily life. Can be really powerful because it can kind of help balance those other things out just a little bit. Okay. Type two. When you over-focus on emphasizing the positive and happy and connective parts of you. You might miss that others will actually love you as you are, even when you're not happy and helpful. Even when you're not delivering that. Archetype of the positive and amazing person who is their biggest cheerleader. Like, I think in some ways, There can be that moment where actually twos are thinking too little of their friends. Like they're thinking, oh, they're not going to love me. They, they are not going to care about me. They're got. I'm not going to want to connect with me. Unless I am meeting this certain bar. Um, and instead of literally giving their friends a benefit of the doubt and saying, you know what, this is my friend. I love being around them and I know that they love me. And so I'm going to show them this other side of me that I don't typically show and trust them. That they're still going to like me. And want to be my friend. And, and went to see, don't give their friends that opportunity. I think sometimes. Well, I think, I think friends start to think, well, I guess they don't have that side. Um, And so it doesn't give their friends. The opportunity to, to show that they care to show that they want to help to show that they love them. And secondly, when you over-focus on the strategy, you need to make sure your needs are met. You might miss the natural ebb and flow of relationships and that people will show up for you. Even when you're not working for it. Even when you're not trying to like, get something from them or whatever it might be. One of the reasons that for all of us, these. Thought to these patterns are so ingrained is literally because. We believe them. And then when the pattern happens, we notice it and it just re. Like inserts itself into that. So it just becomes that rut and it just continues to create that really strong groove to where the rut is too hard to break out of. And You know, for twos, especially experimenting with like letting other people know, and it might be tricky at first it might be difficult. It might be different from what people expect from you. But noticing who are the people who are there, who are the people who are going to keep showing Um, who are the people who are going to be there for you when you need something from them? When the relational imbalance. Is. Not really. Off kilter in the way that you typically prefer Um, and so kind of paying attention to that too. One quick aside here is, um, I've had a lot of people who are too saying, oh, I never give to get, or that's just a myth tombstone actually do that. And. One, I think that the pattern is really ingrained and really hidden. And so very subconscious, which means that a lot of the time, like all of us, all of our types, the things that we do. Our strategies. We don't recognize them very easily. But also, I think that the way it typically works out is a little bit different from how we kind of think of giving to get, um, Like, it's not like I'm going to give you. Cookies so that you give me cookies later or something. It's like giving positive rapport, affection, kindness, love asking a lot of questions. Um, so that when the two. Then, you know, Needs that kindness and love that they need that reciprocation. They need to be asked those deep questions. That they can kind of hint at it, or they can just kind of assume that the other person is going to do it. And I think it really comes from. Two's have this deeply held belief that it's not okay for them to have needs. And so it's not necessarily that they. You know, are trying to manipulate people or be strategic. It's like I have built this pattern that helps me to get my needs met because I don't believe it's okay for me to openly state or assert my needs. So again, I want to re reiterate that we all have these patterns. We all have these things, these strategies. That we have needed and we've developed to get through life and there's nothing inherently wrong with them or worse about one than the other. Sometimes, if we think ours is worse, it's just cause we're really sick of it. Um, so that's by law, quick little note here. Um, and then now let's move on to type three. When you over-focus on how others perceive you, you might miss what matters more, which is how you actually feel about yourself. Most often, no one is really paying attention. To you and the way that you think that they are. And I know for some threes, that's heartbreaking. But I also hope that for some threes, that's really a relief. I know for Even, you know, like I mentioned, I kind of wrote this like stream of consciousness, but to me, I was like, that is such a relief to think that. To think that people aren't noticing me the way that I assume that they are. And like, I can just live my life and be fine with it. And like, literally nobody's noticing me, um, how freeing that could be. So when I over focusing on how other people might be perceiving me, I'm thinking way too much about that. Like I'm spending way too much time living in somebody else's And it's, it's not even reality at all. And so zooming out in shifting that perspective is so helpful. I think this one. It's really hard. For me to still grasp. When you over-focus on getting it all done and making it look effortless, which I know a lot of threes like to do. You might miss that sometimes seeing you sweat helps people connect with you. It reminds them that you're human. And the reason that this is on this list is because I have gotten this feedback before. And I think. It's still really hard for me to believe, but also at this point in my life and my career, I feel like I'm doing so many different things that it's impossible for it to all look perfectly polished. Um, and so I feel like I can see all the messy loose ends. And. Sometimes it stresses me out, but also sometimes I just. Try to return back to, okay. Like what is the quality, um, of what I'm delivering and like are my end clients getting the best they possibly can. And like that's enough. That's good enough. Um, it doesn't all have to be polished. But yeah, making things look effortless. I feel like at this point, for me is no longer an option. Like everything requires a lot of effort, but it can be hard for us to allow other people to see that. So if you are a three, um, and you feel that way. You know, maybe we can be buddies okay. Air force. When you over-focus on processing through every little thing going on inside of your head and your heart. You might miss that. You're still authentic. Even if you give yourself permission to not feel everything or figure everything out. I've talked with so many forests who feel this immense pressure. To kind of purse through at all. Not only because. They want to understand their emotions. They want to understand themselves, but also because there could be like this twisted message that gets. Looped in Where it's almost like I'm over focusing on being an Enneagram four, which means I understand every little feeling and emotion and I feel it to the nth degree. And so they put this pressure on themselves. Like I have to feel all the things all the time. And one that's exhausting. I mean, I'm not a four, so maybe it's not exhausting for fours, but I think it is. And the feedback that I've heard from a lot of fours is like, it can be really tiring to always try to parse things out. And I think it can be really freeing for forests to not put themselves in that position until just be like, okay. I'm not inauthentic. If I just let this one go. Um, And to focus more kind of like we talked for On the long view, rather than the momentary feelings or thoughts or whatever else that could be occurring beneath the surface. And then secondly, for fours, when you over-focus on how others seem to know something, you don't about how to live life, quote unquote, well, whatever that means to remember this is like the comparison, the NB thing for forests you might miss that. We. Pretty much all humans. Are all just making it up as we go and doing our And I think fours are probably the worst of all the types at comparing their Beginning of the process or midway through the process to. Somebody else's finish line basically. Of assuming that other people have something figured out that they don't and they need to understand it or capture it, or they're missing something deep inside them and because they're missing that they will never be able to experience that sense of. Whatever it is that that other person is experiencing. At this point, I feel like I've worked with a lot of people who have job titles that I used to be like, oh my gosh, when you get there. You've really made it like everything's figured out, and then you meet those people and it's like, oh, wait. They're they're humans. They're just humans. They're also figuring it out. Like even these executives. They are figuring it out. We're all figuring it out. And I feel like that's something that fours often really miss. Um, and so just a little bit of encouragement. Like there's nothing wrong with you and you are not missing anything. We are. Just making it through. Okay. When you over-focus on getting to the point where everything is clear and calm. You might miss that. The clarity you're looking for often requires taking that mental model. Out of your And applying it in real life. I think a lot of fives want everything to be figured out. Mentally first, which they are actually so, so skilled at doing like so good at being able to process through things and understand things and get so much. Clarity and space. Mentally to be able to, do this in a phenomenal way. And. It's kind of all thrown out the window when you put it into reality. Anyway. Like, for example, if a five Coming up with a business plan you could spend. Years coming up with the most perfect business plan ever, but by the time. You've finished researching it and figuring it all out and being really clear on it. You go to implement and things are different now, or maybe the original plan theoretically seemed like it was going to work. And then you put it into action. It does not work so. That clarity comes with actually making it happen, actually doing the thing. Um, this is a really hard pill to swallow though. I think for fives. And then also for vibes when you over-focus on. What's happening inside your brain. You might miss that you are more than a And your body can. Offer helpful feedback and your emotions can offer helpful feedback for you. To learn from if you, if you want to listen. And I think I've seen five stew this really, really well. And I've also seen a lot of fives. Really detached from their emotions and from their bodies and having that detachment, having that space. Is what makes him so good at what I talked about in my first point of, of building that mental model and building the structure and the whole plan and being really clear on things mentally. But also sometimes. Overdoing that. Comes at the detriment of actually feeling really fulfilled. And when we talk about fives, And the growth path. Fives are moving toward wisdom. But the thing about wisdom is that it requires both the knowledge. And the emotional intelligence to blend those two things together. And so. Tapping into emotion And being able to draw. From your emotional experience or your physical experience? That's a really valuable tool. So that could be something that you might be missing and that you could kind of develop a bit Type six is. When you over-focus on the little sign to others might be worthy of suspicion. You might miss all the reasons they are giving you that they're trustworthy. This is something I often talk about you. If you've been in my workshops before. You probably heard me talk about this, but I think six is, are constantly tallying when people show themselves to be untrustworthy. When they're unreliable, when they're irresponsible. Six is kind of have this tally going. And I'm not saying that we need to totally change who you are. Right. You can still keep that tally. But I'm just saying maybe, maybe add another tally. Maybe, maybe add Itali for when people show up and they are trustworthy. Maybe a tally for when people are reliable for when people do follow through, when they are really consistent. And kind of. Looking at both sides. Secondly for sixes. When you've over-focused on finding certainty and clarity by asking others for reassurance. You might miss that. You already know the answer you need. And sometimes asking others, just muddies the waters. Because a lot of the time when six is, are looking for reassurance. They already have the answers. They already know what they think they want somebody else to Stamp. Yep. We agree. That's the right way to Not always, sometimes six is generally don't know what they think. But if you're a six and you're thinking, okay, well, I'm going to just like test this theory out by asking all these different people, what they think about it. Maybe you're looking to feel more certain about what you already think and maybe the way you think you should proceed is the way you should proceed. Okay. Type seven. When you over-focus on what's happening next, you might miss that your big feelings of joy and happiness and your other feelings of sadness or fear can all coexist. I think that sometimes when sevens are jumping into what's next. It's because that inner emptiness is coming up. And they're like, oh, I have to fill I can not have this emptiness happening. I can not have this sadness or fear happening. And so they want to fill it. They want to mask And one of the most valuable ways to use the Enneagram for sevens is to recognize that that joy, that. Brilliance everything being so sparkly. Can coexist with the fear and the sadness. And I would argue kind of has to, I know this is a really hard shift to make, but I think it's important. And finally for type seven. When you over-focus on all the silver linings, you might miss the important and helpful lessons you can learn. From truly examining failure. Some of the most grounded and. Brilliant sevens. I know are those who've experienced like big failure in life. And. It's incredibly painful and difficult, um, or even big loss. I think that's. Comment, and I wouldn't wish those things on anyone. But even like the little things that happen I think for sevens, it can be so easy to just quickly reframe and say, but at least blah, blah, blah. And I just encourage sevens to change, but at least two and. So instead of I had this big failure, but at least Bubba bla could be. I had this big failure and. I'm going to make it through. And I trust myself to figure it out and. It's painful and difficult right now. And it won't always be that way. Um, so kind of expanding that emotional range is really, really powerful. And I know seven. So sick of hearing that they need to sit with their feelings, but, um, it might be a little true. Um, So. That's just a quick overview of what each type might over-focus on and then what that might cause them to miss. And even if you didn't agree with what I said for your type, think about what do you over-focus What. Is your little lens in You know, imaginary camera stuck on like, where is that? That. Short focus and. What might happen if you zoomed out? And you could even just literally imagine. Having your eye right up to, Right up to a viewfinder on a camera and you are seeing like this really tiny, tiny. Part of the world and just imagine yourself zooming out on whatever issue you're going through right now, whatever challenge you're having. What, if you could zoom out what different perspective might you see? What could happen if you even like, did that with your life? So it's really about just changing that lens, changing the perspective. Um, so that's what I'm advocating for and I hope you find that useful. I hope it makes you curious. I hope it gets you thinking. Um, and I really look forward to meeting you back here next week. We Some really fun interviews coming up. We're going to be talking about stoicism. We're going to be talking about becoming an Enneagram practitioner. Um, and then I have a really special episode in a few weeks that I can't wait to share that I'm not going to tell you about quite yet. Um, but if you have any favorite people that you'd love to. Here on the podcast, make sure to send me a DM on Instagram at nine types, co and I'd love to hear from you so hope you found this helpful, and I'll talk to you here again very soon.

Steph Barron Hall 35:50

Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one. If you want to stay connected, sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram@ninetypesco to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show. I'd love to hear from you.

36:13

I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me. Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of Enneagram IRL very soon. The Enneagram In Real Life podcast is a production of Nine Types Co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron Hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from Critz Collaborations. Thanks to Doctor Dreamchip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify.