Breakups, Healing, & Grief as an Enneagram 2 with Gina Gomez

Welcome back to Enneagram IRL, the weekly podcast where we go beyond Enneagram theory and dive into practical understanding, new clarity, and fresh insight. We’re talking about how each type is in REAL LIFE so you can remember – you’re more than just a number.

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, we meet with Gina Gomez, a Conscious Breakup & Relationship coach, and author of the book, The Enneagram & You. She specializes in mentoring women going through breakups or divorce, and she helps them to feel hopeful again, regain their sense of identity, find new and healthy love, and feel empowered and whole. 

We discuss Gina’s passion of working with people as they heal and grieve a breakup, and dissect what that really means. Gina shares her experience as a coach while also giving insight into her life as a self-preservation Two.

Sign up for Gina’s 9-week group coaching program, The Haven — Starts October 18th, 2022

Follow Gina on Instagram:  @ginagomez.co

Or connect with her online: https://ginagomez.co/

Here are the key takeaways:

• How did Gina begin teaching about intentional relationships and offering breakup support?
• How does Gina integrate the Enneagram into her work?
• Discussing grieving in the context of a breakup
• Working with different Enneagram types and how certain types respond to this coaching
• Gina’s perspective on how to set healthy boundaries 
• How can you connect with Gina and her work?

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Enneagram & You by Gina Gomez
• 1:1 Coaching with Gina
• The Haven, Group Coaching Program
• The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate―Discoveries from A Secret World by Peter Wohlleben

Want to keep the conversation going? Join me on Instagram @ninetypesco to keep learning and chatting about how our types show up in REAL LIFE! Connect with me here: https://www.instagram.com/ninetypesco/?hl=en

Learn more about subtypes! Download my free subtypes guide here.

Want to keep learning? Join my Enneagram in Real Life course to start applying all this Enneagram knowledge and start GROWING! Check it out here:  https://www.enneagramirl.com

Want to stay up to date with all things Nine Types Co? Join my email-list and receive Enneagram reflections, thoughts about growth and personal development. Plus, you’ll get priority access to new offers and courses! Sign up here.

Not sure about your type? Get my free self-typing guide and a series of six emails to walk you through the whole process. Sign up here:

https://ninetypes.co/selftyping-guide 

Schedule a consultation to learn more about booking an Enneagram training for your team! All trainings are led by Stephanie Barron Hall (M.A. Organizational Communication & Leadership, Chestnut Paes Enneagram Certified, Integrative9 Accredited Enneagram Professional). https://ninetypes.co 

Transcript

Hello, and welcome back to Enneagram in real life. A podcast that will help you go beyond any Enneagram theory into practical understanding so that you can apply the Enneagram in your day-to-day life. I'm your host, Steph Baron Hall, creator of Nine Types Co on Instagram, author of the Enneagram In Love, accredited Enneagram, professional,and ennea curious human, just like you. Be sure to check out the show notes for more ways to apply the Enneagram in your daily life. Thanks so much for listening and now onto the show.

Hi friends. Welcome back to another episode of Enneagram IRL. Today, we're talking about a topic that I hear questions about all the time, which is breakups. And let's just be honest, breakups suck, nobody likes a breakup. They are painful and difficult, and they are also a big part of life for the most part.

Um, and today's guest, we discussed that. We talked about how we see all this advice and information about getting into a relationship and starting a relationship and building a healthy relationship. And how do you know if they like you? That sort of stuff. Um, even as kids, like I remember when I was a kid seeing you know, 17 magazines and it was all about like, how do you get into a relationship?

 Um, and then now, you know, as an adult, I recognize as Gina shares today, how much of life is not about to getting into a happy relationship, but one about sustaining a healthy relationship. But two also there, there are a lot of parts of life that are about navigating the exit of relationships, whether that is by choice or not. Um, there are a lot of relationships in our lives that end. So that is kind of what we're going to be talking about today. 

I am joined by Gina Gomez. And I will introduce you to her in a moment, but Gina and I have known each other for a few years now because we've both been writing about the Enneagram on Instagram for a little while, and what I love so much about Gina's work is she brings this real thoughtful but compassionate perspective to the Enneagram and to her work as a breakup coach and there's just really the sense of honesty and desire to highlight, the importance of, of really processing and sitting with emotions.

This episode is, it feels just really peaceful and gentle, which is just kind of how Gina approaches things. And there's so much truth and compassion and kindness in the way that she talks about not only the different Enneagram types, but also in approaching breakups and approaching, um, you know, whether it's a divorce or, you know, the end of a dating relationship and just healing and working with people through that. So if you are in that season at all, I definitely recommend connecting with Gina. I'll share a little bit more about her programs and everything in the show notes, but she has a group coaching program called the Haven um, and she also shares a lot of different resources and things like that on Instagram, which is@ginagomez.co. So without further ado, let me introduce you really quickly to Gina and then we're going to dive right into the episode.

So Gina Gomez is a conscious breakup and relationship coach.

She specializes in mentoring women going through breakups or divorce and she helps them to feel hopeful again, to regain their sense of identity, to find new and healthy, love, to feel empowered and whole and just to let that entire time of your life lead you to a soul driven journey of embodied self-love and emotional wellbeing. And she really approaches things in that sort of way that's very integrated and compassionate, like I mentioned already.

So Gina is also the author of the book, The Enneagram, And You, which I also recommend. She goes through all of the nine types and then all 45 type pairings um, in different contexts, which I think is super valuable. So she talks about it in relationships and then at work and at home. Um, so I highly recommend that book as well if you are at all interested in learning a little bit more about how the Enneagram type pairing show up in those different contexts.

You can find Gina on instagram@ginagomez.co. and I really think you're going to love this episode. So let's hear from Gina.

Before we get into today's episode. I want to talk to you about subtypes. Now subtypes have been transformational in my own Enneagram journey, and they've also been so incredibly helpful for my clients and my core students, and even some of the teams that I've worked with.

So with that said, I want you to head over to the show notes or go to nine types.co/subtypes.and download my free subtype guide. You'll get a breakdown of what the whole word means, the entire concept, all 27 subtypes and you will unlock this new understanding of yourself and the people around you, and you'll have a new way to apply the Enneagram in your daily life.

So again, head to nine types.co/subtypes, or check out that link in the show notes to learn more. Enjoy.

Steph: Well, Gina, welcome. I am so happy you're here and so glad to have you on the podcast.

Gina: Yeah, I'm happy to be here. It's been a long time since I've seen you, so it's nice to see your face too.

Steph: I know it has. I feel like early days, well, early days for me, I think that you may have been on Instagram and doing like any grand things on Instagram for a while. At that point, we like tried to do a product together, like a course together and then we both kept like not doing our deadlines and then it just petered out. But , it was so fun. Um, so great to see you.

Gina: same.

Steph: Yeah. Great. Um, well, I know a little bit of your story and I know that we're gonna dive into like your Enneagram type and everything. Um, but I think that one thing that I've really loved about, you know, seeing you transform in, in the way that you've approached your work online and your coaching and your business and all that stuff, is that you have really pivoted in this really cool way like you still integrate the Enneagram, but you have a different kind of main focus now. Um, and so I think that's so cool because it's so hard to figure out like what exactly is the niche that's going to be the best fit for you long term? And it seems like you've really done that well. So I would love to hear what's your story,what are you passionate about? How did it get you to where you are now? Just tell me, you know, that whole backstory.

Gina: Okay, so we have like three hours.

Steph: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

Gina: Um, I guess you know, it, uh, I was, I was on Instagram and at the time I started posting Enneagram content was when Christy and I, Christie Fountain, we started our own Enneagram podcast. And, uh, it was for fun. And I thought there was sort of this thought of like, oh, I could teach this..

Gina: Right cuz I had, I just had all this knowledge in my brain. I was like, oh, I'd love to teach this. And then when it got a bit more mainstream, I realized people wanted to learn and that felt really fun. So it really just started off as like I wanted to share information about the Enneagram. And I think I did that for about a year and a half or so.

Gina: And then it definitely shifted to, uh, it was like relationships and then it was like the relationship to yourself and then it sort of evolved into, um, helping and mentoring women who are going through breakups and divorces, and that's where it's at now and it, it just feels right. Yeah,

Steph: Hmm. What was it about that specific lane that really attracted you?

Gina: I think it was definitely just Inspired from my own journey of going through a breakup when I had, and I found myself on the other side of it, and it was the first time that I had done a breakup differently than I had in the past. Um, in the past, my breakups have been just extremely tumultuous and, uh, devastating and it's, it's always taken me, It had always taken me so long to recover. Um, and this last big major breakup, it was different. And, uh, I think the, the biggest thing was that there was support there and I thought it in, I think there's like so much information out there and, and for a good reason. Um, On how to enter into relationship like dating, where and how and like all of that.But exiting one, there isn't a lot of information.

Steph: Yeah. Well, and, and most of us at some point in our lives exit a relationship . So how do you think about that process of like walking people through that? Like what do you think is missing from the way that we typically go about that?

Gina: Yeah. It's a really good question. I think that a lot of us don't know how to let go . And so it gets really, it gets really messy and it gets really ugly and toxic sometimes, unfortunately. And, uh, I think that there was, I think, I know that there's a way to end things graciously and, and with more compassion than there is.

Gina: Um, how we normally see it. Like even in the media, you know, there's, there's always, um, someone breaking up and then it's,

Steph: Mmh.

Gina: whose fault is it? It's always like, who do we be mad at and who do we blame? . Um, so I think there's definitely that piece missing. Like, can we do this in a more compassionate way?

Steph: Yeah, well that kind of like makes me think right now about like all of the drama about Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis like do you have hot takes on any of these things where it's like this person? Cuz here's the thing, like I know that you are like so kind and gentle and compassionate and I also know that you have a little bit of that spicy side that's like a little bit, you know, and I love hearing or or seeing you on,instagram talking about, um, like some of the current events and stuff. Sometimes I just think that your takes are really interesting and I'm curious if you see anything, you're like, oh, this could be done so differently.

Gina: Yeah. Another really good question. I think, um, I, well, one, I really do try not to, not to consume too much media, um, and not because I think I'm above it. It's just like I honestly, my brain just cannot after a while. But, um, I think when things happen like that, oh, like with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck getting back together, you know, I was telling my clients, I was telling Instagram, I'm like, do not let this influence you , because it's like an outlier situation. You know, like that's not the norm. And yeah. But it is, it's fun to kind of, um, integrate some of that  into my work.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah. That's, so I actually do remember you saying that, of saying like, just because they're back together doesn't mean you need to be. Yeah. Um, so what about the Enneagram? Tell us about your type and how it shows up in the work that you do.

Gina: So I identify as a self press two. And how does it show up in the work that I do, like my type or like the Enneagram in general?

Steph: Um, well, I'd love to hear about both, I guess, but starting with your type, yeah.

Gina: Uh, I think it definitely speaks a lot to how I want to be of service and um, also in the realm of relationships for type two's relationships is such a big part of their lives. And I don't know, just bringing some, some support, peace, comfort like that all sounds great to me. And I'm not the kind of two, like I don't bake for anybody.

Gina: I don't offer to help like in a practical, um, , what is it called? What's that? Love language acts of service way, you know, but if you need someone to talk to, then I'm, then I'm there,

Steph: Yeah.

Gina: So I think it definitely shows up that way. And, uh, the Enneagram in general, I think in, in my practice, it's, it's, it gives people language for their experiences and so often we don't have that. so we feel alone or we feel lost and uh, I think that's where it shows up the most.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah. If somebody is coming to you and they don't know about the Enneagram, but they are going through, you know, one of these you know, a divorce or a breakup, um, do you walk them through their type or do you help them find it? Is that an integral part of that type of work?

Gina: Yeah, it is. So whether I'm working, if I'm working with someone one on one or in a group setting, um, we're first doing uh, we're first like addressing what's going on immediately, which is usually a lot of grief and withdrawals maybe. Um, so when we're working together, I don't jump into the Enneagram right away,

Gina: Um, but if they already know their type, then it definitely helps to navigate a little bit of that with, and I would say that most of the time once some of the grief has sort of lessened and they're able to see a little bit more clearly, uh, then we get into all the self discovery and let's, let's figure, let's figure this stuff out and yeah.

Steph: Yeah. Well yeah, and I've seen you talk a lot about grief. Um, and it's interesting cuz I think when I first saw you talking about that, it was not a perspective that I think I'd ever thought about before in that specific context. I think we're used to thinking about grief more so in you know, if your spouse dies, but not in the same way as like if you know your marriage ends.

Steph: Um, and, but it makes a lot of sense and I think, um, in general I think we're very bad at grief. Um, so I'm curious if that's been your experience too. If, if you know, you think we're bad at grief, and if so, why? But also why do you think grieving is the most important part of that process? Like, why does that need so much attention?

Gina: Yeah, I, I do think that we're, it's a skill or like , the coping mechanisms are not usually there. Um, for, for grief. And again, I think it's language like when someone realizes like, Oh, I am grieving. Like I just lost the person that I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, um, that I, this imagined future that I had with them.

Gina: So much, so much of our identities also die in that relationship. You know, you're never gonna be that person with that person ever again. And so, um, we don't know what to do with it. Like, again, we were never taught, like, you know, and it can feel like a death. Uh, it doesn't always, but a lot of people identify with, with, yeah, it feels like someone's died.

Gina: Um, or part of me has died. And, um, yeah, I think it's definitely important because we can't just get to the glow up part. You know, everyone's like so fixated on the glow up, like, um, whether that's physical or, you know, mental, internal, financial, I mean, everyone sort of has their laying that they wanna like, I wanna be a better person after this. Well, that's great. And that's definitely, um, that's definitely important if it, if it's important to you but if we bypass that grief, it's gonna come out anyway, you know.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah, that's such a great point. I think we so often miss that and I think, you know, when we think about the Enneagram you're a two, so.you know, very much a heart type, very much the type of heart type that tends to focus more so on the positive side of emotion and less so on  the negative. Um, with me being a three, I'm definitely the heart type that's like, Oh, I'm just gonna repress that and outrun it, essentially , um, and  but there's still that sensitivity and awareness of like all the information and all of the processing that we're missing when we skip over the emotional side of things. And I'm really curious if you've just noticed that, like are there some people who are more naturally drawn to that are gravitate toward it, or do you find like certain types of people come into working with you and they're like, I'm fine actually, and then you kind of dig a little bit deeper and  they're not fine.

Gina: Yeah, you're not fine um, most of the people who come know they're not fine, so, and it's interesting. Even from a marketing perspective, cuz it's like they know what the problem is. It's like I'm in pain, I'm hurting. Um, but I think that, uh, there's different for sure, and I've seen this like through the lens of the Enneagram, like I've seen certain types will cope with it in very specific ways.

Gina: And also, like you said, like I, like, I'm gonna try to beat this, you know,  or, um, I hear a lot of sixes say things like, um, or sixes and sevens actually it's like, I just wanna be done with this part, like, this part that's like not, you know, the like grief and like naming my emotions. Like, no, like what's next, um, so I've definitely seen an overlap, which has been really cool.

Steph: Yeah. Wait, I'm so curious. Do you have any more little tidbits about the types and how they approach it?

Gina: Yes, so I have quite a few. I have quite a few type threes and and type one. So these two are kind of put together cuz they're like the best, let's say students. Yeah, that's great . Like they're great students and like when it comes to assignments or um, trying things or like gung ho they're like, I'm gonna do this.

Gina: And which is, which is great. Um, cuz they see a lot of transformation once they see it. They're like, Oh, I wanna keep going. Um, threes also like to have, like, show me the bird's eye view of where I'm going. And I've noticed that comes up a lot. Like I, I wanna know like what the next

Steph: Is this gonna be worth it?

Gina: Yes. And I need a measurable, I need something that's gonna be measurable.

Gina: So actually from, from doing, um, working with type threes, I created sort of like a before assessment and an after assessment for themselves so they can kinda yeah um, so that I've, I've seen that and I've seen that eight. , I have, I've only had maybe a handful of eight, uh, type eight clients. And there's a lot of pushback. A lot of pushback, and it takes a lot longer for me to earn their trust and for us to kind of go. Okay. Um, but once they do, then it's like they're in.

Steph: Yeah. Why do you think they have such a hard time with that?.

Gina: I think that it might be a natural. Well, first they're in a very vulnerable space, like emotionally and mentally, and I think that, uh, they may know me from Instagram, they may have just kind of come across my work, um, that week, or maybe they've been following for a while, but I still think that they need to be able to trust before they're gonna listen to anything I say.

Steph: Yeah, absolutely. Well, I, I can also imagine, you know, like in the, um, one of the certifications I've been going through, um, we talk a lot about how to approach each type, um, in terms of coaching and also of course, like how our type gets in the way in our coaching, you know? Um, but one of the things with eight, so we talk about a lot is there are other types where you wanna start out really gentle and start slow, but with eight, it's like you start by like just go getting straight to it, being really strong, having a really firm presence.

Steph: And then once they start getting vulnerable, backing off later. And I could imagine if that. If that dynamic feels like a stretch for the coach, then it can be hard for the eight clients to really come in and get to work right away.

Gina: Yeah. I love that you brought that up. That's definitely helpful because I've, I have noticed, like from the very beginning when I started coaching, if I knew their type, there was, there's this adjustment that I will do automatically and you know, I'm going to talk to a three client so differently than I would a four, for example.

Gina: And, um, it's helpful. Definitely

Steph: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I'm also curious about like nines, do you have a lot of nine clients? Cuz I could imagine delving into some of it could be painful, but oh my gosh when I have worked with, with nines who, you know, like exit a relationship, obviously it's painful, but it's so much like you are you now, like you are yourself and there's so much beauty.in that.

Gina: Yeah. Yes. Working with nines i, um, again, they're, they're really great students. Like, they wanna learn,  they wanna focus on, uh, sort of like understanding themselves. But I, I also do see the, there's like this resistance and it just takes a, it's just takes a little bit more time, like a little bit more time for them to. maybe lean into some of those sides that they don't, that they've been avoiding, maybe that they, they're just sort of waking up to cause that's what grief can also do. Your heart's like wide open and, um, yeah. But

Steph: Yeah, and I'm really curious too about like what does the after picture look like for your clients? Like what is the, the transformation they come in, they are devastated cuz they've recently gone through this really painful breakup. They're grieving and then what it's like when they're done working with you, or maybe they move on to a different formation of working with you, what does that look like?

Gina: Yeah, it's definitely different for every single client. Like I haven't seen, uh, and even like type like, it,  there's, there hasn't been any pattern that I've seen. Some of my clients will already be dating by month two uh, even if the breakup was, um, well, not to bring significance into it, but like for example, I have a client who was married, married, they have a kid, um, but now she's dating and she's happy and she, you know, and then I have other clients where dating really isn't the goal. It's like not to be in another relationship again. They're more in it to understand themselves, um, to find patterns in their relationships. And for them, that's the transformation. Like, oh wow, I never knew this about myself.

Gina: And um, and then for other clients, it's just understanding what it is they want. That's usually a big one.Want and need

Steph: Hmm. Yeah. Well I feel like we so often cuz you mostly work with women, right?

Gina: Mm-hmm. I have a few men, but Yeah, mostly women.

Steph: Yeah. I feel like we are so in a lot of ways to like socialize, to kind of merge a bit and to be so supportive and getting back in touch with what you want. I could imagine, especially for like twos, threes, nines,

Gina: Mm-hmm.

Steph: That's really, really tough,

Gina: Yeah.

Steph: How has it been for you as a coach? You're two, you know, self-preservation too though, so you, you know, you have that, more of that desire to like make sure that you're meeting your own needs, but, um, how has that been? Like, how do you make sure that you are feeling fulfilled and refreshed as you work with other people?

Gina: Yeah. Uh, I definitely had to start to kind of look at where I was feeling depleted, uh, or where I was finding tension in the work that I do. Some of the conversations with clients can be pretty heavy. There's a lot of space holding. And so what I did was I adjusted my schedule first and I said, okay, I'll do, I usually do, uh, client sessions only on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays.

Gina: And that gives me like four other days of the week where I'm not intaking, um, and I'm not sitting and holding space. So, That definitely helps. And then also looking at how much time I leave between sessions, I have to give myself about a half an hour, um, to like get up, um, maybe go out for a walk, play with Sammy, my dog, something that's gonna like, pull me back to Earth,

Steph: Yeah.

Gina: um, and that helps. Plus I have like, I'm looking here at my desk, like I have facial sprays, like essential oils, like bringing in other senses, um, really helps. And, um, and then I, I honestly try my best. Not always, but I try my best to like give myself a hard stop with work.

Steph: Wow. Yeah, that feels difficult sometimes.

Gina: As I'm cringing. Yes. It's hard.

Steph: Yeah. Why do you think it's so hard to do that?

Gina: I think if you're an entrepreneur or a business owner, its just  even when I'm not working, my brain, my subconscious is like, it's still going. So, and that's okay. I, you know, but I, at least for the most part, I try to shut off that part where I'm like, planning or, you know,

Steph: Yeah. But then you go and watch TV and you're like, Whoa, what Enneagram type are there? Or Oh, oh, they need to like work on this breakup. Like Yes. Yeah. It, it, it's tough and I think, um, , It's, It's such a strange thing too. I will also say, because as much as you might wanna work really specific hours, the nature of Instagram is that for most people's, social media is personal.

Steph: So I've even gotten messages like, Oh, well, why didn't you respond to me, you know,

Gina: Mmm.

Steph: sooner? And it's like, Well, you. Dmd on Friday night and it's now Monday morning and I am back at work. Like, I think that there's a level of forgetting that I'm not always, you know, super religious about that, but, um, yeah, it can be challenging.

Steph: Um, and I'm curious if, for you, the type of work that you do like can be challenging too, like for you to have other types of relationships. Whether that's dating or even just other relationships with people in your life where it's like, I think and talk about breaking up and grieving all the time, like, how do I have this relationship in a more positive way?

Gina: Yeah, Um, definitely I, so I think, uh, one of the things that comes up is I don't watch a lot of, or, listen to or read anything heavy. Like, unless I'm reading something about my craft, but like for the most part, I love to relax and just like, I want the lighthearted, I, I'll watch Schitt's Creek as a like, comfort, like, um, because yeah, I don't wanna be in that space all day long.um, and in conversations with friends, like I've also, I've also noticed this, where it's like if they're going through something hard as a two, again, I wanna be there cause that's like part of my love language is being there to, to hear them. But, um, it goes both ways.

Gina:  I've also learned for myself that, um, it's okay to have a boundary with, um, well it's okay to have boundaries, period, but its,for me, I had to learn, it's okay that you don't have to talk about this with everyone. And when, when I'm going through something hard, like I, sometimes I used to feel like I'd have to tell everybody, you know, um, but yeah, it definitely infiltrates.

Steph: Yeah. It's hard. Well, yeah, and I think too, um, like with the boundaries thing, I think I was very much kind of brought up in certain ways. Um, not necessarily like with my family, but more so like the types of churches and things that like that, that I, I was in, I was very much, it was like, um, being excruciatingly vulnerable was like a badge of honor.

Steph: And that's like, that meant you are more spiritually or emotionally mature. And like now, a few years later, I'm like, oh, actual, actual, like emotional maturity is not just spilling your guts to everyone and actually like having boundaries around what you talk about. That's really hard.

Gina: Yeah. Exactly. And it still feels like, you know, when I tell someone, if I'm talking to someone, I'm like, I really don't wanna talk about that right now. and, or, or I'm not ready or, you know, and I, there's a little like twinge of like guilt or like, is that wrong? Should I be talking about this? Or, but yeah.

Steph: Yeah. But also knowing like as an entrepreneur especially, it's all up to you and like all of the motivation comes internally. So you are responsible for your own energy and like the way that you can show up and if you get derailed well, maybe for me, if I get derailed early in the morning, I am, I have a really hard time coming back. Like sometimes I'm like, I'm this gonna put myself back to bed and then I'm gonna get up again and work at a track again, and we're gonna try again.

Gina: I never thought about that, but maybe I'll, maybe I'm gonna try that cuz I'm the same way, but something gets derailed in the morning. I'm like, and maybe even in the good way. Like if a friend calls me spontaneously and I'm like, Oh yeah, I'll talk to her. And then all of a sudden I'm like, wait, what am I doing for the rest of my life? Like I, It just gets spun around.

Steph: Yeah, it's 11 o'clock. I haven't done anything yet. Um, also I learned that trick from my sister cuz she uses it with her kid. So like, it's fine. We all have like that inner two year old, um, That's so funny. So, as you teach about this concept though, of like cultivating really conscious relationships, um, you know, we've already been talking about like the importance of boundaries.

Steph: Um, but for you as a two, what do you think is the most important thing? For people who struggle to set healthy boundaries, like why do you think that's important and how can we be healthier about that?

Gina: Hmm. Oh man. Yeah. Boundaries is such a big, uh, it's like, I don't think it's where everything kind of starts, but it kind of feels that way. Like, it kind of feels like when you're starting to do self development work, self awareness, it's like boundaries is like bam. It's like usually the first thing that kind of comes up.

Gina: And I, I can kind of see how that happens. Um, I think the most was, you know, one of the most important things that I've seen, not just with, um, clients or you know, myself, but just in general there's this how can I take care of myself? How can I have my own back? Just how can I have my own back?

Steph: I like that

Gina: Yeah. And we don't know sometimes, and I think that's sort of the starting point. It's like before we even set boundaries or maintain them or create them, how do we know where we even need them? And I think it goes to like, Well, what, What are your needs? What are your wants in life? And This could be in the context of a relationship or, um, just in the next hour of your life or the restaurants you're going to.

Gina: Like, it's, you know, there's a micro and then there's like, like the big macro . Um, and I think it does help to start small, especially if you're just sort of like getting into Yes, I know, I definitely need some boundary work. You know? Um, we can't go straight to that big boundary. It's. like,, it's gonna be too difficult. Your nervous system's gonna be dysregulated. You won't be able to hold it. Um, so definitely I think like starting small and just being kind.

Steph: Yeah, starting small, like knowing what you want, what you need,

Gina: Mm-hmm.

Steph: That is really difficult. Especially like when we've been so used to muting ourselves just to make sure that other people are getting their needs met and then realizing like, Oh, actually, okay, there's something else here. Like I haven't been listening to that inner voice.

Gina: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Steph: Yeah. Um, so another thing I just really wanted to ask you about, so you've had all of these different careers, which I think is really interesting. So you are a photographer, traveled the world shooting photos, which I actually feel like really comes out in the way that you approach like, aesthetics on your instagram,

Gina: Yeah.

Steph: Um, like I'm like, uh, I can tell that she's, you know, got that artistic eye, you know, um, and then you wrote a book, so you're also a published author and about the Enneagram of course. Um, and I'm curious about that, like how has that been for you to be like, I am an Enneagram author and also now I'm doing this other really specific work where I still use the Enneagram, but maybe not in the same way that you did when you wrote the book. Um, how do you still pull from it? How does it support you?.

Gina: Yeah. So fun fact, Steph was the first one who reached out to me, was like, Did you write a book? Like, you knew it was online before I did

Steph: Yeah, I saw it. I think I saw it like a, It popped up somewhere. It popped up like as an ad or something. Yeah.

Gina: I thought that was so cool. I was like, oh my gosh. Um, so going back to your question, sorry, I derailed us, um, I think that, uh, I just sort of had to accept, and I, I accepted this a long time ago, like I am not like a traditional list in a sense of like, I have a job and I'm gonna do this job forever.

Gina: Like, I've had so many jobs and so many career paths and, uh, and my mom is actually, uh, the same way. She's definitely the same way. She's done so much different work and different scopes, and it's really cool. And I used to think because we were conditioned to that if you change jobs or you change careers that you're flighty or you don't know what you want or you can't decide or you're not responsible.

Gina: And I, I never really saw that. I never saw it in that light. Uh, but I think it definitely, I held shame because of.that thinking, Oh, I'm changing again. I'm changing again. And now I'm like, I'm changing it again. You know, like I have a new, a new way or, and I just feel like I'm like a learner, um, not a learner, but what do they call it?

Gina: Like, I'm gonna keep learning. A student of life. Like it's gonna always change and evolve. And, uh, when I wrote the Enneagram book, um, The Enneagram and You, I. , In all honesty, I, I never sought out to write a book. So it was like, uh, like a gift. It felt like a gift that came and, and, um, I took the call and I was like, Okay, great. I'm gonna do this. And then after I did it, it was very rewarding and it is still very rewarding, but it doesn't, it doesn't feel like that's what I was meant to do, was write that book, you know? Um, The work that I'm doing now, that's what feels the most aligned and um, it might change. Like I already feel it evolving. So

Steph: mm-hmm.

Gina: We'll see what it turns into

Steph: Well, yeah, but I, I love that openness to that because actually you and Christy, who is like your bff, um, Christy Fountain, so, um, both of you have that ability to just take something and change your path and like it's really inspired and feels very aligned and it's like coming from within and then you're like, Okay, I'm gonna go on this new thing.

Steph: And I think for someone like me, I'm like, Oh my God, are people gonna think that I'm flighty or flaky or, you know, of course, like feeling petrified to, to change a little bit. Um, especially in the past, I feel like now I'm a little bit more like, Oh, screw it, you know, But, but I think. I feel inspired by that and I think that's so cool because you are really creating the business that you want to live in. like that's what's so important.

Gina: Yeah. And I mean it, there's still sometimes that little voice that comes up and it's like, Oh, what, what if I do this? Or what if I say this and what will people think? Or, um,but , um, I'll take a quote from Schitt's Creek from Alexis, and she tells David like, nobody cares. Like literally nobody cares.

Gina: Nobody's thinking about you as much as you think they're thinking about you , nobody's gonna remember. Um, and I see this a lot with, uh, in the content that I write or that I put out. Like, I'll take something I did from like two years ago, a year ago, and everyone thinks it's brand new or. Yeah, there's no um, so when I, when I kind of humble myself down in a, in a gentle way, like in this, like nobody cares, it actually gives me more freedom to go, Oh yeah, nobody cares. That's okay.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah. I love that show, obviously, and that scene. Um, I just think it's so good. I also, sometimes I think like, Oh my gosh, this show came out in like what, 2016 originally or something? I cannot believe it. It still feels like

Gina: So new, so relevant. Yeah.

Steph: Yeah. Um, seen every episode a million times, but I love that perspective also.

Steph: I totally think Alexis is a seven. Do you?

Gina: A hundred percent

Steph: So yeah. So then I, I love that perspective too, because what we can also learn from her is like, her just thinking that it's possible is

Gina: Mm-hmm.

Steph: Like that's the reason why she's able to skate through life

Gina: Yeah.

Steph: nice or walk through life in really nice shoes, as she says um, and so I think that's so cool and, and I'm looking forward to seeing like the new iteration or, or how things, um, you know, continue to evolve for you because, um, gosh, there's just so much that's possible and In doing your own business, you get to decide what that is.

Gina: Yeah. Which is freeing and terrifying all at the same time. It's thrilling. That's a good word for it. It's thrilling.

Steph: Yeah. Well, I'm curious if you see, this is just like a random thought that I had, but um, if you see your self preservation instinct showing up in the way that you do things, because there's that voice that's like, Hey, uh, we have to buy our groceries. Don't forget Gina

Gina: I never forget to buy groceries. Um, as a self press, there's never, um, that's a really, that's a really interesting question. I remember when.I was writing the book, I thought, I was like, am I a five? Like, cuz I was really pulling from that, like, hunkering down. It's all about me.  I had to shut out the world for, you know, most of the day and it felt really uncomfortable.

Gina: Um, but at the same time I'm like, Oh, I'm actually getting shit done. not worrying about anybody but me and like what I have to do. So, As a self press, there's this, like, I wanna make sure that I have all my comforts. So for example, I get my groceries delivered and I do that because I don't like going to the grocery store and it takes a lot of time, It takes a lot of energy.

Gina: And um, so if I have to, like, I budget my, not budget, but like, want to make sure that my business is going to take care of me. I think that's the self press thing. It's like, no, this is for me ultimately, you know? Um, and I'm so glad I get to do it in a way that I'm servicing others. So that's still touching on that two point. But ultimately, um, you know, I want Sammy to have a good life.

Steph: Yeah, You want to totally spoil Sammy.

Gina: Yes.

Steph: He's so cute. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's such a great perspective for people to have too on the self press

Gina: Hmm

Steph: Because in the past we have had a social two on the podcast, which is another cool dimension of type two. But I think with the self press, there's really that, um, highlighting of it is about me and like making sure that I am serving my needs.

Steph: Um, and I see that even in the way that this type of work that you're doing where it's really helping people to figure out how do I take care of myself in this process? And kind of equipping people to do that. I think that's really cool,

Gina: Yeah. Yeah. I definitely have seen like, `` Oh, interesting. Like, yeah, that's definitely what I'm, what I'm helping them with. Um, Are you also a Press three?

Steph: I am pretty sure that I'm actually sexual and self press is like right there.

Gina: Okay. It's pretty tied.

Steph: Yeah. Um, for a while I thought I was self press and then for a second I thought I was social. Just cause I was like the image thing though, it's so, but I think then I was like, No, I'm conflicting the type with the representation of the instinct.

Gina: Hmm.

Steph: And in fact, I think that social's actually my lowest.

Gina: Yeah, same.

Steph: Mostly because advertising about myself and like how to work with me makes me wanna puke . So that's definitely not the social three. Right? Um, but. It's right there. But I think one of the big things for me that like points me away from self press three is I literally, like three years ago, I quit my job and did not have income streams lined up for nine types and I just went for it. And I don't think a lot of self press threes do that.

Gina: Oh yeah.

Steph: So yeah. Um, made for a very interesting ride. That's, that's for sure.

Gina: Yeah. Especially during that time. Yeah.

Steph: Yeah. 2019. And I was like, Cool, okay. Figuring this out. And then it was like 2020 and I was like, Oh no, Oh, it's so interesting. Um, so I'm curious, what are you working on now? Tell us everything. Where can people find you? Um, you know, if you wanna talk about The Haven or anything else that you wanna share with everyone.

Gina: Yeah, sure. So, uh, right now I will be o depending on when, when this airs, but I'll be opening up the doors for The Haven, which is an intimate group coaching program for women who are going through breakups and um, or divorces. And, um, this is a way to work with me. In a setting where you're also with other women.

Gina: So everyone's sort of like going through the same thing. And, um, we go through three different phases of grief and then just like this illumination of like, how did I get here? What does this, what does this relationship mean? Um, what wisdom can I take from it? How do I embody that wisdom going forward?

Gina: And then like that third phase is like, Okay, well what's next for me? And, uh, identifying needs and core values and, you know, this like 2.0 version of yourself. Um, so that's starting in a couple of weeks. And then, uh, yeah, just on Instagram. You can find me on Instagram

Steph: Yeah. And are you taking one on one clients as well,

Gina: I am, Yeah. I I am always taking one on one clients. Yeah.

Steph: Okay, cool. How long is the Haven Group coaching?

Gina: So it is a nine week program. Yeah.

Steph: Oh my gosh. That sounds so cool and supportive. I know I'm not the right client for you, but I would be, if I could. Just kidding

Gina: Yeah. No.

Steph: like edit this podcast and be like, what Uh, No, no, no. But I love it. Great. Um, and actually genuinely, whenever people reach out and like, ask me for breakup support, I mean, honestly, like I have been off the market for over 12 years. Like I am not the person to go to, uh, for that. But I always point people to you because I see just like, so how thoughtful you are in the way that you approach those things.and I'm like, You will be in good hands.

Gina: Yeah. Thank you . I appreciate that.

Steph: Um, okay. Final two questions I ask everyone these. Um, so tell me about a book that has helped you refreshed you or shaped you in the last year,

Gina: What was that second? That second one.

Steph: uh, helped you refreshed you

Gina: refresh you? Yeah. Okay. Probably I'm trying to, I'm like, I'm scanning the books that I've read like, Oh. Um, The Hidden, The Hidden Life of Trees. I think that's what it's called. Either the Secret Life or The Hidden Life. And it's such a cool book and it just talks about like the life of trees

Gina: I know it kind of sounds like might be boring, um, but it's so calming and it's so cool to hear about the ecosystem and how trees like, not literally talk to each other but how they communicate with each other and how it just kind of gets to the root of, um, like how we need support basically and how we can't function without, or thrive or survive without support community. So that was a pretty cool book.

Steph: Oh wow, that's so beautiful. Okay. We will link that in the show notes so everyone can check it out. Um, cool. And then finally, what is a piece of advice that has really stuck with you?

Gina: Oh man, so much. So much advice. So much advice. I would probably say this is hard. I should have read the pre-questions. Um, think, um, Honestly, I think the best advice I've ever been given is like, just do what you want. If it's not hurting anybody, just do what you want. And I know it's easier said than done, but when I come back to some of my best decisions, it's because I did what I wanted to do.

Steph: Yeah, I love it. I love that advice and yeah, if it's not hurting, hurting anyone,

Gina: Yeah.

Steph: Just do it. Yeah. That's really great advice. Um, especially for a two.

Gina: Yeah.

Steph: Yeah. Love it. And a three. Um, great. Well thank you so much for joining me today. This has been really lovely. And we will put all of your links and everything in the show notes so everyone can find you.

Steph: Um, so it's gina gomez.co. Is that right? Yeah. Cool. Um, so we'll link that, um, and catch up with you on Instagram. So thank you so much again.

Gina: Thank you.

Thanks so much for listening to Enneagram IRL. If you love the show, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating and review. This is the easiest way to make sure new people find the show. And it's so helpful for a new podcast like this one, if you want to stay connected. Sign up for my email list in the show notes or message me on instagram at ninetypesco to tell me your one big takeaway from today's show I'd love to hear from you.

I know there are a million podcasts you could have been listening to, and I feel so grateful that you chose to spend this time with me.

Can't wait to meet you right back here for another episode of Enneagram IRL very soon.

The Enneagram and real life podcast is a production of Nine Types Co LLC. It's created and produced by Stephanie Barron Hall. With editing support from Brandon Hall. And additional support from Crits Collaborations. Thanks to Dr Dream Chip for our amazing theme song and you can also check out all of their music on spotify