S05 - 2 Manners

Native English speakers answer questions about the manners from previous B2, C1, C2 and IELTS exam papers.

We have speakers from England, Wales, Canada, Australia, Ireland and South Africa so you are gonna get a good impression of what manners are expected in English-speaking countries. You’re gonna hear plenty of useful vocabulary, some top idioms, phrasal verbs, connectors, loads of great language, but more than anything it’s really interesting from a cultural viewpoint. 

For classes or transcripts go to https://realexamenglish.com/podcast/

Music: Wholesome by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5050-wholesome
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Thanks to all of the contributors, including Emma, Mike, Noel, Konner, Jen, Dan from the Roar and Score Trivia Podcast and the girls from the Butt Stuff Podcast.

Transcript

Real Exam English Season 5 – Manners

Hello and welcome to the Real Exam English podcast, this episode is about manners. Ok, manners are something that vary a lot from one person to the other and they often vary from one country to the other too, as you’re gonna hear today. We have speakers from England, Wales, Canada, Australia, Ireland and South Africa so you are gonna get a good impression of what manners are expected in English-speaking countries. You’re gonna hear plenty of useful vocabulary, some top idioms, phrasal verbs, connectors, loads of great language, but more than anything I think it’s really interesting from a cultural viewpoint. So enjoy! Here we go with the first question.

How important are good manners in the country where you live?

Here I think, they are important, but not as important as they used to be. I think as when I was a child, please and thank you saying hello to people in the street when you pass them by was considered the norm and even children were expected to, you know, say hello to people when they said hello to them. And I think that's changing a little bit, people are not as open and I do think it's rude if you see your neighbor every day and you don't greet them. But I find that we're allowing our children to choose more if they want to say please and thank you and so on. And I and not give it as much importance as it used to be. I don't know, I think we're trying to let people be themselves and not have these strict rules which manners sort of give you they guide you through a way and I think that we're trying to let everybody be a bit freer and a bit, I don't know, rude, I suppose.

Are bad manners, a sign of rudeness and arrogance, or simply ignorance? Very loaded question.

Very loaded question. It depends on the situation, I think. Umm, I think some people lack the education and therefore act in a certain….in a way that we consider that someone else would consider rude or impertinent and it's just due to the fact that they, they lack that education, they haven't been told that they shouldn't speak that way or I don't know, just demand things in a certain way when they want something instead of asking, they just demand. Or, but on the other hand, I think sometimes people are just rude because they feel superior to you. And they feel like they can be nasty and rude because they think they are better than you.

Some key vocabulary here to start off. Ok we had the adjectives rude and nasty and impertinent, which are all negative adjectives for people who are not polite or respectful. She mentioned that saying hello to people on the street used to be the norm. If something is the norm, then that is what people normally do in that situation. Like, in the USA tipping is the norm. 

The second answer was organized very well. People lack the education and therefore act in a certain way. It’s due to the fact that they lack education. But on the other hand, some people are rude because they feel superior to you. Ok, as we’ve said many times before adding discourse markers like these are essential for connecting and organizing what we want to say, so make sure to practice using them. 

How would you define good manners? 

Please and thank yous. I don't ask for much. I just want if you're asking me a question and you want something of me, ask, say please. And if I give it to you, say thank you. 

Yeah.

I'm trying to raise my son that way, sorted. 

Yea, absolutely.

Sorted, yea. 

Yeah, I think just treating someone with respect as well, like just treating them as you would like to be treated until they give you a reason not to, yeah. 

Or in that case, treat them how they treat you. 

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, definitely.

Why do you think older people, older people, complain about younger people's manners? 

I think they've got a stereotype, maybe in their head and above that that's saying that's having a stereotype of older people as well. So yeah, I think there might be a stereotype, though, of youngsters and it's not a good one, I guess that everyone's a hoodie. So yeah, I think that's the problem and also there are some horrible youngsters. 

Yeah, I think the majority, when you see youngsters out there in packs….

Or on the news..

Yea…cause they don't really. You don't see one or two just walking around because they're usually they don't unless they because they've got the phones and stuff to socialize, so they don't go out. You just see one or two playing. It's a group of them and they all bring out the little bit of the worst in each other because they're kids, kids be kids. And I think that's the only or sort of, I suppose the only interaction that, these older people might be getting. 

Yeah.

So I guess. Yeah or like you said on or on the news, I think they're just there's bad everywhere there's good everywhere as there are in all generations. 

Absolutely.

I work with a lot of the youth and actually they speak different to us but yet they they're quite fun. 

Yeah. 

And they are respectful. 

I work a lot with the elderly and they can be quite rude also. 

Yeah, I think it comes everywhere, doesn’t it? 

Yes, indeed it does. Judge someone on their own merits, not on their age. 

Super nice chat there. In the first answer they said manners were defined as please and thank yous. This is really interesting because pretty much all of the speakers today mention saying please and thank you, and for some of them, like these ladies, it is the most important thing and for others they totally dismiss it as not being important. If I were to give you advice, I would say to really make an effort to use please and thank yous, especially with British people, and even more so with older generations. If you are a business person who interacts with British people a lot then this is essential, this is one of those soft skills that we have mentioned before, being polite and mannerly. The same, of course, for non-business people too. If you are in London, for example, in a restaurant or supermarket or wherever, say please when asking for something and thank them when they do something for you. It´s nice to be nice, right.

Speaking about the different generations in the second answer they mentioned the youth and youngsters when referring to young people and the elderly when speaking about older people. This is the correct way to talk about these groups of people, the youth, youngsters, the elderly. 

They said that the kids bring out the worst in each other, meaning they influence each other in a negative way. This is a set phrase to bring out the worst in, or you also have to bring out the best in. Like the terrible flooding in Spain brought out the best in people, everyone wanted to help.

How would you define good manners? 

Good manners is just treating people how you want to be treated. I'm not one for, like, no elbows on the table and all that shit. Not about that at all. All those weird little rules that you have to follow. There's a guy on Instagram who does like etiquette videos, definitely not about etiquette, at all. I'm just about being nice to people and treating them how you wanna be treated and treating everyone with respect, whether they're, you know, the Prime Minister of Australia or a homeless person on the street. Just be nice to people. That's good manners. 

Why do you think that older people often complain about younger people's manners? 

I actually find myself doing this a fair bit to younger people, especially people in school, and I think that's just because as time goes on progressively, people get less and less formal. If you think about, you know, 300 years ago, the language and the way people were treated and the way you know, you would never swear in front of a lady, you wouldn't show your knees, you know, progressively we just get more and more relaxed in that area. So to an older person looking at a younger person who's just culturally a bit more relaxed like that, it comes off as rudeness when really that's just kind of what the…..it's just kind of the way of progress, you know.

Ok, nice to have a contrasting viewpoint, as he said I´m not one for no elbows on the table and all that shit. Ok obviously in a polite situation you shouldn´t use the word shit but apart from that it´s a good example of how to use the word shit. In this case meaning stuff or things, well things that I don’t think are important, all that shit, it´s quite dismissive.

He said he watches videos on Instagram about etiquette. So etiquette is the protocol or customs that you have to follow with a particular group of people or in a particular situation. As he mentioned in the old days the etiquette was quite a lot more conservative, like you couldn’t swear in front of ladies. Swearing is saying bad words, like shit and fuck and whatever. And he said that the way youngsters behave sometimes comes off as rudeness. Ok so rudeness is the noun from the adjective rude. And to come off as means to give the impression of being something, and we often follow it with an abstract noun. For instance, that guy comes off as aggressive, or the TV series comes off as a bit depressing. 

One last thing, in his second answer that he finds himself complaining about manners a fair bit. So a fair bit means quite a lot. Like, I go running a fair bit or I meet my school friends a fair bit. 

Ok then, as I mentioned in the last episode I’ve told you about my wonderful classes a fair bit before so we are gonna do a bit of a language test. So this week we are going to do some word formation. So I’m going to give you a verb and you need to say the noun. For instance, I will say introduce and you will say introduction. Ok, so I’ll  give you 10 in total, I´ll leave a little gap for you to say the word each time. Best of luck!

Able – ability

React – reaction

Please – pleasure

Lose – loss

Close – closure

Analyse - analysis

Assume – assumption

Establish – establishment

Hypothesise – hypothesis

Ok, you can let me know how you did on social media or in the comments on Spotify. Right now, let’s get back to the questions

How would you define good manners?

Respecting other people is the fundamental bit of it. Good manners, I don't know. Is it old fashioned for people to hold open the door for others, that kind of thing, Saying thank you if you let them through when you're driving, that kind of thing.

Who should be responsible for teaching manners to children?

The parents. I try my best. My kid’s a bit autistic, so he doesn't quite understand what he's been told half the time, but we'll get there.

Ok, the last speaker mentioned a fair bit, meaning a lot. In the first answer here she said that respecting other people is the fundamental bit. So bit here means part. And then in the second answer she said her kid is a bit autistic, meaning a little autistic, he’s on the spectrum but not so severe. So a few different uses of the word bit there. 

She wondered whether it was old-fashioned to hold the door open for others. So old-fashioned means it belongs to a time in the past, not modern, and can often have a slightly negative meaning. Like he’s rather old-fashioned and thinks everyone should dress formally on a Sunday.

How would you define good manners?

Well, as the saying goes, manners, manners maketh a man, so good manners. Often people confuse…in my opinion people will confuse. Please. Thank you. Please. Thank you. With good manners. And they often say English people have such good manners only because they say please and thank you. And I often have to say I completely disagree with that because I've seen things in Spain, for example, when you walk into a bar, complete strangers would greet you, whereas in England that doesn't happen. You don't speak to people you don't know, you don't say hello to someone you don't know. And for …..when you go into a lift here you say, buenos dias, you greet the people and in England that's a strange thing. So I think it's also a cultural thing. So manners it depends on the culture. But please, thank you, please, thank you doesn't mean you have good manners. And but it is very, very, very important I think.

Who should be responsible for teaching manners to children?

I think this is the parents. Uh, unfortunately nowadays this isn't happening in many cases. But in my humble opinion, I think that these types of things should start in the home. But this…the onus is shifting onto the teachers, and this is not where it should be. Teachers should be teaching you maths, reading, science, those sort of things, whereas manners and being a good person shouldn't be the job of a teacher at school, it should be job of the parents. And unfortunately, now with people working too many hours and not spending enough time with their kids, or letting the mobile phone entertain the kid, this is happening less and less. But I'm old school in this type of thing. I think those type of things should be the parents.

Old school, interesting. So the previous speaker said old-fashioned and here we have old school. So what’s the difference? Old school is bit more positive, like you are proud of it. For example, in Camden Town you can see lots of old-school punks. Or I cook meat the old-school way, over a fire with wood. 

At the start of his first answer he had a lovely saying, manners maketh the man. This idiom means that you are a real man if you show good manners – the word maketh comes from old English and means make, so manners make the man. It was very interesting to hear his cross-cultural views on manners, he is from South Africa, and lives in Spain and previously lived in the UK so has a good perspective from which to compare. 

In the second answer he started with in my humble opinion, manners should start at home. Ok, we all know in my opinion, but in my humble opinion is a bit fancier and a bit more formal, but you could use it in an exam situation for sure. He then had this really nice sentence, the onus is shifting onto the teachers. The onus means the responsibility. This would be a great word to use in a writing, like an essay or a proposal. Like the onus is on the government to implement changes. Or the onus is on the public to take measures to combat climate changes. To shift onto then means to move onto. So the onus is shifting onto the teachers means it is moving to the teachers. Shift in general means to change. Like, society’s attitude towards manners is constantly shifting, or attention is shifting onto the politician’s dodgy past behaviour.

How would you define good manners?

Hmm. Hard question. I probably have a very low bar of good manners from a very working class city in the UK from very working class people. I would say my idea of good manners is extremely low. Probably the thing I associate most with it is the understanding of…that other people's lives are difficult too, I would say that's that's good manners. These little helping hands we can do. Holding the door open, not being annoyed at people when certain things occur. These are all quite good manners, I would say please and thank you, is a…it's a very British thing. Maybe, but I think it's very important, it goes a long way. A smile goes a long way. I think these are much more important than going to an expensive restaurant and going to the right schools and things. I think that's less important.

How important are good manners in the country where you live?

This is a tricky question. I need to be careful now, especially for a lot of people listening it from Vietnam is this is there are good, good things and bad things about every country and maybe just to quickly start with some of the good things. People are extremely warm and friendly and welcoming of outsiders. I would say, which is a big deal. You go to some other countries not so much. And I love that about the country. Oh my God, though, the thing about Vietnam that gets me: Everybody always has to be first. Everybody's always hustling. Everybody's always selling you something. People push you out the way. No one's ever held a door open for me here. Not probably because it's just not a thing when you're driving around on your scooter or the car. A car will just drive right in front of you and then stop, and everybody's gotta be first. Everybody's gotta, you know, like queuing isn't a thing here. These are these are things that are very difficult for me being from the UK to come to Vietnam I would say.

Another British person who loves their please and thank yous! Also, he points out another very British thing, which is queueing, or waiting in a line. British people are famous for obeying a queue, or they go to a country where people don’t follow the queue system so strictly they can find it, let’s say, challenging. The way he brought this up actually was really nice. First of all, he mentioned how people are warm and friendly and welcoming of outsiders, which is obviously very positive, but then he contrasted it was Oh my God, though. And then this great expression the thing about Vietnam that gets me is everyone has to be first. So the thing that gets you about something is the thing that annoys you. Another example would be it really gets me when people talk loudly on the bus, or what gets me about university is that all of the exams are on the same days. 

Another top expression he used in the first answer was saying please and thank you goes a long way and a smile goes a long way. If something goes a long way then it has a big effect. Like a bit of ketchup on a hamburger goes a long way. Or a little kindness towards others goes a long way. 

How important are good manners in the country where you live?

Extremely important in Canada, good manners are. And kind of like British, you know, it's very similar to Irish and British, it's. It's it's it's…..you have to be polite and you have to be mannerly. If you're not, then people will judge you for it. You know, and also when you come to Spain, which has less cultural emphasis, I think on. Maybe they have their own type of manners, but maybe saying please and thank you is not as is not as it's not as demanded here, you know, and it's even considered to be over over overkill so. That's interesting. You know, when you go come from a culture that's very polite and mannerly and have good manners in general, you know, there's all kinds of people in the world. But in general, Canadians are very mannerly and polite.

Nice to hear an opinion from Canada there and it is good to know that Canadians are very mannerly and polite. In fact, the stereotype is that they are friendlier and more polite than Americans. Whether that is true or not, I don’t know, but if you visit Canada make sure to make an effort to be polite. 

As the speaker he said he lives in Spain and saying please and thank you is not as demanded there. And that it is even considered to be overkill. Firstly, it’s a good example of how to use the passive voice to make a general statement about something. It is considered to be overkill. This kind of passive is really useful for formal writing, like in an essay or a report when you want to make a general statement. Like - Canada is believed to be one of the friendliest countries, or it is often said that Americans are less polite. 

Secondly, this word overkill is really nice, meaning you do something or use something excessively. Like, when British people or Canadians or Irish go to Spain or Vietnam for example and say please and thank you for every single thing, then that’s overkill. Other examples would be: agree with not allowing kids to take technological devices to school, but not allowing calculators is overkill. Or forbidding every joke that might be offensive to someone is overkill in my opinion. 

Ok guys, that’s about it for today, we just may have overkilled the talk about please and thank yous but as all of you are learning English it is important to know what is relevant culturally in the different English-speaking countries of the world. If you don´t want to come off as being rude or impertinent then some general manners and politeness will go a long way. 

Ok folks, that’s it, take it easy,

Trevor