S06 - 7 Help

Native English speakers answer exam-style questions about help.

Warning! This episode is full of phrasal verbs!!!!!

As we have speakers from different parts of the world it’s fascinating to hear their opinions on this topic and how giving help is different between cities and the countryside, between the past and the present and also between different countries. 

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Music: Wholesome by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5050-wholesome
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Real Exam English podcast. This episode is about help. As we have speakers from different parts of the world it’s fascinating to hear their opinions on this topic and how giving help is different between cities and the countryside, between the past and the present and also between different countries. This episode is flooded with phrasal verbs so if that is what you like to learn then you are in the right place.

If you would like to study those phrasal verbs in more detail, then you can get the transcripts for this episode on the website, realexamenglish.com

Ok, let’s crack on with the questions.

Who do you usually turn to when you need help?

Well, it depends on what the help is with. Usually, even though I have adult kids now, I still turn to my dad when I have things that I can't figure out or things that I need help working through in difficult situations. Sometimes I turn to my husband when it's help at home, things that we need to work on together.

If it's in my business, I usually turn to my daughter because she and I have an entrepreneurial spirit that's similar.

So it really depends on who, on what the situation is, who I turn to, because different people have different streaks and not one person is going to meet all of your needs.

What responsibility do governments have to help people in difficult situations?

This one is a difficult one for me. I grew up thinking that it was not the government's responsibility to help people in difficult situations but I ran into a lady one time who had a daughter that was special needs, and she said that she could help her daughter. She was financially able to help her daughter for the rest of her life but there were so many kids that did not have parents that had the financial means or social means to help their kids. That really changed my mind about who needs to help people. My first response to her when she said, well, if the government doesn't help them, who should?

My response was the community and the church. That made me reconsider my position in the community and the church and was I doing my part in my community to help people who were at a disadvantage? It did make me change my point of view from only volunteering like in my kids' school, with my kids' stuff, to going and helping in a children's shelter that's here in town that those kids just needed somebody to love on them. They were scared. They had people delving into all of their questions of what happened, but they did not have somebody just to sit and play with them and love them and read to them.

So I think it's both responsibility, responsibility of the community and people need to step up, but also the government needs to help and I think make it easy for people, easier for people to help in their community.

Two fantastic answers to kick us off, so many phrasal verbs! The question itself asked who do you turn to when you need help. Turn to basically meaning ask for help, or consult in a time of need. So she turns to her dad to help figure out things, meaning help find a solution to things, and also when she needs help working through difficult situations. As explained in previous episodes we usually use through in phrasal verbs when speaking about something challenging, like working through problems, sitting through a boring class or going through hell. She also said they work on stuff together, meaning they spend time and effort on doing stuff. Another example would be,  I need to work on my English prepositions, or I need to work on my phrasal verbs. This one is sometimes used as a noun too, like after listening to this podcast I realise I have some work-ons.

The speaker then ran into a lady, meaning she encountered her by chance.  This lady’s daughter, she said, was special needs. This term is used to describe people who require extra support to function in their daily lives. So the lady explained that not everyone has the financial means or the social means to help their kids. This is handy vocabulary for a more formal situation, like writing an essay for example. So the financial means is that they have enough money basically and the social means is that they have the support system around them that can help. 

She then used this super phrasal verb, some kids just need someone to love on them. Ok, you all know what to love is, but to love on someone means to show affection and care for someone, like giving them lots of hugs and cuddles. Another example is as soon as I come home from work, I spend some time loving on my cats.

So she explained these kids were afraid and had people delving into their lives. To delve into means to try really hard to find more information. The way the speaker used it here it was quite negative, they were delving into their private lives, like it was a bit intrusive or unwelcome. But this is also used more positively in other fields like education, science, history, police work, basically anywhere people need to investigate something in more detail. An example sentence would be, we weren’t sure why the medication worked better on men than women, so we delved into it and found out it was because of their hormones. 

Finally we had this phrasal verb to step up, people need to step up. This means people need to assume responsibility and take action. Another illustration would be when my boss retired, his son stepped up and started running the company. Actually, the speaker had some top vocabulary relating to business, which was that she had an entrepreneurial spirit. An entrepreneur is someone who starts a business, so if you have an entrepreneurial spirit you enjoy or are good at starting businesses, trying things out to make money.

Do you think helping others brings people closer together?

Yes, I do. I think helping for the right reasons. I think there's a lot of, I'm going to help this person because it makes me feel superior. And that bugs me. But understanding that you have something to offer is really, really important, especially for women. Women tend to over-give, and they're always give, give, give, give, give, which is different than helping, because helping is there's a need, a gap in between what's happening and the desired outcome, and sometimes you need a little boost. And if somebody can give you that boost, it feels good for both sides.

Alright, so she said when people help others cause it makes them feel superior it bugs her. This means it really annoys her. Another example is it really bugs me when people eat with their mouth open. If you want to emphasize this even more, using slang, you can say it bugs the shit out me, like when people jump the queue in the supermarket it bugs the shit out of me. True for me, that one!

Just one other little thing to point out here and that is the prefix over. She said women tend to over-give. So we use over to express doing too much of something. Like, if you overcook the meat, you cook it too long, if you oversleep you stay in bed longer than intended, if you overeat you eat more than is good for you. So, if you over-give it implies you give so much that it is prioritizing other people’s needs over you own. 

Do you think communities today are more or less helpful than in the past?

That's an interesting one because I think it depends on where you live. I think if you are in a more rural setting, I think the community spirit and the helpful nature of people is still there. I think people will look out for each other. People will try and get to know everyone around them and hopefully be in a position to help others.

I think if you're in a more city-based situation or urban setting, it may be harder to get to know your neighbors. I think there's a lot more people in a tighter space. And you may be more reluctant to step in to help somebody because you don't know how they're going to react. And I think that has definitely, in more recent times, I think become more of a factor for people. They may want to help, but they're uncertain about how it will be received by the other party. So, they may not help.

Excellent observation, I must say. Well, at the start he said in the more rural setting there is more of a community spirit, meaning people help each other out a lot more. In fact, he used this phrasal verb, people look out for each other. You could use this phrasal verb too for brothers and sisters, they might look out for each other at school, or playing on the street. Or maybe in an immigrant community, like the Brazilian immigrants in Ireland really look for each other, they help each other getting a house, a job, etc. 

On the other hand, he said that people in cities are more reluctant to step in. This word reluctant is super useful and I hear very few English students using it. So, if you are reluctant, you don’t really want to do something, you are unwilling or unenthusiastic about doing it. It is usually followed by to, reluctant to, and some examples so you can get an idea of how to use it are: I am reluctant to take the C1 exam because my writing isn’t good enough. Or I was reluctant to go out last night as very few of my friends were going out, but I ended up having a great time. Or I was reluctant to speak about politics on my first date in case it ruined my chances. The way the speaker used it here was, people are reluctant to step in. To step in means to intervene or get involved in a situation. Like, I normally let my kids argue but if it turns violent, I step in immediately.

Just one other thing to point out from this answer and that is the amount of repetition, so he used the word think 8 times and the word may 4 times. This is perfectly fine in the real world but in an exam situation it’s better to add some more variety. So instead of I think you can use I guess, I suppose, I reckon, etc and in place of may you can use might or could, just something to bear in mind for any of you doing exams. 

Alright, if anyone is thinking of preparing for exams remember you can get in touch about individual or group classes. In individual classes we focus on whatever you want really and in the group classes we cover all of the aspects needed to prepare for the exam. We generally follow a book, which has all of the necessary grammar, vocabulary, writing structures and so on for that level and we supplement this with other lessons based on videos, articles, exam practice, debates, etc. New groups generally start in September but you can join any time throughout the year as long as there is space in the group. If that sounds interesting to you then you can send a mail to trevor at realexamenglish.com or check out the website realexamenglish.com

Who do you usually turn to when you need help?

I think it depends on what kind of help you're I'm looking at. Is it professional help? Maybe I'm going to lean into some of my colleagues here in the work or the center director who might give me leadership or some coaching or bounce ideas off about something that might be going on. That would be that kind of help. Maybe it's a larger life event. Maybe it's a situation that I have with my daughter, who is 20. Maybe I'll lean into another mother and say, you know, what do you think? You know? What should I do? Is it a romantic problem? Is it something you know that I'm not really sure why my partner is behaving that way. Am I going to them? Maybe lean into you know, maybe a girlfriend who has been in a relationship for about the same amount of time, or with a similar man, or something like that. So I don't know. So I might be leaning into a lot of different people for a lot of different kinds of help, or if it's You know, I need something done at the around the house. I might just call a handyman. Handy person, handy person, handy person.

Oh, wow. Really? I haven't heard that yet. Yeah, it's true, though, right?

Have you ever received help from a stranger?

Totally. Absolutely. That's some of the best help there is out there. People have guided me, if I'd been lost in a foreign city. When I was a kid, I actually was riding a horse that took off and I fell into a ditch and a stranger saw this, the horse ran away. So the people who I was with had no idea where I was and the kindness of stranger was able to pick me up and delivered me to a hospital. So thaxºt's probably the most dramatic event of being helped by a stranger. And just the other day I was in an airport and like an idiot, I left my phone plugged into the wall and then I went to board the plane. and went back, my phone wasn't there, but a lovely flight attendant had picked it up and would not let any of the people saying, it's the woman who has with the red hair. And she wouldn't let any of them deliver it to me. She wanted to make sure that it got delivered safely to me before I boarded the plane. So yeah, a lot of help from strangers. Yeah.

It’s nice to know there are lots of kind strangers still out there. She was saying her horse took off. You all know take off, I guess, from flying in airplanes. So take off can also be used when something starts to move very quickly, like the horse in her example, or also something like sales of a product or popularity of a TV series, or even about your career. For instance, when the footballer started playing for Barcelona his career really took off. 

Curiously, in the first question about who she would turn to when she needed help, she used this phrasal verb to lean into, I would lean into my colleagues. I looked this one up and it’s not actually in any dictionary that I checked, so it’s funny how it’s perfectly understandable from the context even though it isn’t listed anywhere, maybe this is how phrasal verbs are born, you heard it here first guys!

Something else that was born recently was this word handyperson. So she originally said handyman, and kind of corrected herself to say handyperson, which kind of surprised me, as I hadn’t heard that before. A handyperson is someone who is good at a wide variety of jobs around the house, like electrical stuff, plumbing, carpentry, and so on. So in the old days only men did this job and the term used was handyman, but nowadays to be more inclusive we use handyperson, which covers women also. You can actually use handywoman too if you like, to be more specific but if you are speaking more generally, then handyperson is best.

To be politically correct can be tricky sometimes. It was pretty easy to change policeman to police officer and even fireman to firefighter but there are others like fisherman that just sound clunky or forced if you change them to fisherwoman or fisherperson. Some people just use fishers or anglers if you are doing it for fun. But the line of political correctness is always on the move, and varies from country to country and even person to person so you just gotta be observant and go with the flow.

Do you think communities today are more or less helpful than in the past?

So where I'm from, Chester, I can definitely say it's a lot less helpful than it used to be when I was growing up. When I was growing up, everyone like the neighbors knew each other. Like, don't get me wrong. I know my neighbor. I know my neighbors to the left. I don't know. I said hello to my neighbors to the right. But back in the day, like. It wasn't like, you'd leave your spare key with the neighbor in case you ever forgot it. Like, I wouldn't dream of doing that now, do you know what I mean? So I think a lot has changed in today's society and it's sad in a way because like when I have kids, they're going to live in a world where it's not safe to go out and play as much. You can't just like float about here, there and everywhere. Community has got a lot more riskier. I don't know whether that's because of social media or whatever it may be. The roots might still be the same, but like a whole perspective on it is that there's a lot more weirdos out there. And I don't think there is any more weirdos than there ever used to be. It's just we're a lot more aware of it now. So we're a lot more in fear about it. So yeah, I feel like the communities nowadays are a lot less, not as good as they used to be, in my opinion.

Some top expressions here. The first one is back in the day, you could leave your spare key with your neighbour. Back in the day refers to some time in the past, usually a time that was better than now, so you are kind of nostalgic about that time. Like back in the day, I could dance for hours without getting tired. Or back in the day, you could have a great night out for €10 euros.

Then, he said he wouldn’t dream of leaving his keys with a neighbour now. This expression I wouldn’t dream of is used when there is no way you would do something. For instance, I wouldn’t dream of going to Madrid in August, it’s way too hot. Or I wouldn’t dream of getting a dog, they are too much responsibility. 

Lastly, he said nowadays you can’t just float about here, there and everywhere. Float about implies you are moving around, going with the flow, and here, there and everywhere basically means all over the place or wherever you like. So the speaker saying you can’t float about here, there and everywhere is kind of saying that you have to be careful where you go now, that some places may be a little dodgy. Another example sentence with this expression is my kids leave their toys here, there and everywhere, it’s such a mess. Or people let their dogs poop here, there and everywhere, it’s disgusting. 

Do you think people are more willing to help strangers today than in the past?

God, I hope so. I hope so. I know I am more likely to help people than I did in the past. I think it's just to have a bigger worldview living in three different countries. And like in New York, where I was raised, you just learn to walk past people that are homeless or, it's just like, keep moving, keep moving. They just want to buy liquor. That's what they told you back in the day. And it's now it's just like, do you know what the difference between me and that homeless man on the street? Luck. It's just chance circumstances. You don't know what your next decision or not even your decision, something that could happen to you that has nothing to do with anything that you've done. And you're ending up there. So I think overall, the world has become more polarized. I think there's more people that will help more. It's like this like line, like this is the world where it was. Now there's more people that will do nothing and more people that would do more. So it's still balanced in a sense. But there's still these people over here that are just like, I can't even believe you're not being helpful. I can't like have you no heart or soul or anything. Like no, no, no heart, no love, nothing. And then there's the people that like make up for it.

Alright, we had another example of back in the day. She said they just want to buy liquor, that’s what they told you back in the day. Liquor, by the way, is alcoholic drinks like whisky, gin, vodka and so on. In the US they call them liquor. In the UK, Ireland or Australia they are generally known as spirits. 

She then explained how the world has become more polarized, nice vocabulary, in the sense that there are lots of people who will do nothing to help people and then there’s people who make up for it. Really handy phrasal verb, to make up for something, meaning to compensate for something. For instance, sorry for spilling your drink, let me make up for it and get you another one. Or imagine if you are writing a review of a movie, you could say the special effects weren’t great but the acting more than made up for it. As in the positives outweigh the negatives. Really nice, that one. 

Ok guys, that’s all we have time for today. So many phrasal verbs, right. Don’t be reluctant to give them a go the next time you do some speaking or writing in English, remember you gotta use it or lose it!

Alright, till next time, take care,

Trevor