Hey there . You haven't heard from me in a while because I've stepped away and given myself permission to take a pause . I didn't need or want to take a break from my podcast or from serving my clients or finishing my manuscript . Those are the things that energize me and are part of what makes me hum . But when my brother called with the tragic news , I knew that my holding space skills were needed more than ever back home . So , without hesitation , about a week ago , I cleared my slate and got on the train the very next day .
Lisa HopkinsIn my work I call that level four . The core thought of level four is concern for others . It's easy to overlook your own feelings in this mode , because your focus is on everyone else . When you step away from what you are inspired or driven to do , as I did for my podcast this week , you will hear the saboteur voices in your head get louder . They'll promise and lie to you , telling you that if you step away for too long or don't keep doing what you are doing the way you've been doing it , that you will fail or , worse yet , fade into the realm of has-beens and wannabes .
Lisa HopkinsI am not immune to this kind of primitive thinking , especially when my momentum or my rhythm is interrupted . But it isn't something to beware of aka avoid , but rather something to become aware of . Whereas beware connotes danger and means to stay away from or be cautious of , awareness invites us to open up and allows us the capacity to consider things differently . When we are aware , we have a more conscious new brain wave looking at things and we're not blindsided by our primitive fear-driven voices then inevitably show up . When we are aware , we remain open and become more able to acknowledge and maybe even relax into the idea that this is perfectly normal behavior , that we are hardwired this way . But just because it's normal doesn't mean it's required . Awareness is a superpower that allows us to remain responsive rather than reactive , especially in stressful situations .
Lisa HopkinsBut how do we become more aware , you might be wondering . Well , it's a practice . The first step is to slow down . Not shut down , but slow down . Slow down enough that you have stopped projecting yourself into the future . You don't know what's going to happen if you stop . And how do you stop , you might ask . Well , you breathe and yes , technically we are always breathing but you stop to focus only on your breath , your life-giving breath . If things are highly charged , it may take more than one or two , but even one concentrated breath can send a signal to your brain that things aren't as dire as it's projecting , and you will begin to feel your lens of perspective widening . When you don't stop to breathe , your body reacts instinctively to the perceived and imagined threat and reinforces the idea that you need to fight , run , freeze , freak out . You fill in the effort .
Lisa HopkinsThis more conscious view of things came in really handy when I stepped away from my work and watched my weekly stats declining . I felt the voices start to rumble and the red flags raise . But instead of closing into bewareness , I stepped into awareness , which offered me a clearer view of the situation and of why I do what I do . I create the content on this podcast because I want to help the podcast and my writing and my coaching there . They're all just one way to honor that value . My purpose , my calling I was being called to help in a different realm . This week there was no threat , only an opportunity to sharpen my skills .
Lisa HopkinsDuring this time of deep sorrow that permeates all of those that I love , being a coach comes in handy , especially with so many personalities and relationships and emotions to navigate . I've been practicing deep listening with my family as I do with my clients , but what is very different is that I am not asking open-ended questions . You see , as a coach , I believe that my clients know the answers and it is my promptings that just help them to get there . They don't come to me because I have all the answers . They come because I help them find what they already know . But with my grieving family , I hold space and listen deeply . But there's a cognitive dissonance that accompanies untimely death . There aren't any answers to find within , only more questions . It's counterintuitive , for sure , but I'm noticing how ego comes into play and grief the need to do something and help when a tragedy occurs can sometimes be more of a relief to the helper than the bereaved .
Lisa HopkinsI got up very early today and had a walk and a coffee and a read of my book . It felt a little more normal , a little more part of my routine . My clean slate had allowed me the space to be here for my family , but I'm noticing that it's also offered me another perspective to look at and maybe even challenge myself . I'm good at being cheerful , at seeing the bright side of things and I'm especially good at helping others do the same , but there is nothing bright about the loss of a loved one . Still , I've been spending my days holding space and doing the best I can to be here for everyone .
There's a kind of irony about me being a life coach when someone close to me has died , but I know that without darkness there is no light . It dawns on me as I write this that one month from now there will be a cosmic event as the moon aligns perfectly between Earth and the Sun , and temporary darkness will sweep across parts of the country . We live in what's called the totality strip , which means we will experience the longest duration of darkness in the world . It's only three and a half minutes . May my family's darkness be as brief before they can feel the sun on their faces again . I'm Lisa Hopkins . Thanks so much for listening . Stay safe and healthy , everyone , and remember to live in the moment .