Hey there . So I'm heading into a milestone birthday in a couple of days and I thought that it might be interesting to read something from my book that I wrote about another birthday , but I think it's pretty universal and it just seemed timely to share this
and it just seemed timely to share this . So , with your permission , I'm going to go ahead and read from my book from my perspective today , and maybe I'll jump on afterwards and we can talk about if I feel the same , that we are encouraged , even expected , to brandish our entitlement card a kind of 24-hour golden ticket , to be selfish and indulgent . Honestly , shouldn't we be celebrating the mother who bore us ? So we plan our birthdays
accordingly , with all the associated expectations and attachments , simultaneously setting the stage with cliches of what self-care looks like from the outside , while on the inside we quietly keep the score of how others are celebrating us .
Lisa HopkinsSo it was my birthday and I woke up with all the preconceived notions of how I was supposed to feel , along with the high expectations for others and how they were supposed to make me feel . I resisted the urge to check my social media and feed my ego with the puffed-up proof that I am liked , and made myself a cup of tea . Instead , my husband had left a card propped up on the kitchen counter and I smiled , thinking to myself he always finds the funniest cards . My smile was quickly interrupted , though , by the intrusive , judgmental voice of the scorekeeper in my head that said yeah , but no flowers . I took a deep breath . I was proud of myself for calling the thought out for what it was just a thought and disempowered its hold on me by replacing it with a thought that served me better , powered its hold on me by replacing it with a thought that served me better . I moved into the living room to do my morning reading and , to my delight , my husband had made me a fire score . Take that unwanted voice in my head . Wait , who's playing the score-keeping game now ? I sat down cross-legged on the floor with my book and my cup of tea , feeling the warmth of the flame on my back . Life is good . I thought I noticed that the humidifier was on . He must have filled it up for me . He knows how the fire dries out my skin . How thoughtful of him . Big score , I'm so fortunate , I told myself , and was effusive with my gratitude for him , knowing just what I needed when he told me that it was not him who did that . My scorekeeper was in its element . The thoughts came
crashing in disappointment . I thanked him for the fire and the card , read two out of three points and reached for my phone . I repeat life is made up of moments and each moment is what you make it .
Lisa HopkinsIn that moment , I allowed myself to be led by all the limiting beliefs of what a happy birthday is supposed to look like , and instead of reading , which is actually what I wanted to do and would have brought me joy in that moment I resorted to looking for external validation instead , internal validation instead . The birthday wishes were coming in at quite a pace already , and out of the 36 or people so far , there were less than three that I could even recognize or tell you anything about . If you can't say something nice , don't say anything at all , came into my head , and I wondered if just saying something nice without associated true connection is worse than not saying anything at all . Hmm , I started to think about the people I hadn't heard from yet , setting up more expectations for the people I care about . Why do we do that ? Why do we set the bar so high for others to celebrate us and so low for celebrating ourselves . Hmm , why can't we believe that we deserve to be celebrated the other 364 days of the year ? How can we expect others to celebrate us if we don't celebrate ourselves every day ? If I am counting the conditional things that are not met as wins , and my saboteur scorekeeping voice is keeping track of expectations that are not met , isn't that the same thing ? What would be different if we showed up for ourselves instead of relying on others to prove our worth ?
Lisa HopkinsBy the end of that day , there were over 200 happy birthday wishes , and though it was nice to be remembered , I felt more gratitude for the reminder that , at the end of the day , it is up to me to celebrate and honor myself . Let's consider each day our birthday
and celebrate ourselves every day . And so you know , I often say to my clients that we teach what we most often need to learn , and , as I am coming up on my 60th birthday , I am grateful for the reminder of what I wrote in my book . I'm grateful to be here .
Lisa HopkinsI'm grateful
for you , dear listeners , for joining me regularly and listening to me rant and listening to me wonder and listening to me think out loud , and you've shared with me that my stories have resonated with you , and well , that means a lot . It really , really does . My birthday , which isn't for another couple of days , is already fantastic , because I get to grow older , I get to celebrate another birthday . I get to grow older , I get to celebrate another birthday . I get to be me . I'm Lisa Hopkins . Thanks so much for listening . Stay safe and healthy , everyone , and remember to live in the moment .