Hey there , in this episode , my coaching insight comes from a conversation that I had with someone whose work I admire deeply . What started as a casual exchange turned into a powerful reflection on a core tenet of what I call energetic choice . So often we trap ourselves in shame when we say I should , but what happens when we shift to I could and from there ask do I want to ? We explore how language shifts energy , how to reframe judgment with empathy , and why using your imagination and humor might just save your day . My full conversation with the wonderful Kristen Anderson Lopez drops next week on Stop Time Live in the Moment , so be sure to check that out . But in the meantime , I invite you to join us for this quick little nugget that we shared and see what resonates with you . Let's dive in . I call , I should , I could , with shame , ah . So you lose the shame and then you're standing in could and you're standing in capability , and then you're back in choice . I could do that . Do I want to ?
Speaker 2I love that . Now , why is it shame ?
Speaker 1Because Think about it . Every time you say I should , there's shame Because you're like I should because
, or I should have . I heard you say sometimes look back and say you should have . You know you could have done that . You chose not to Right . What can I learn from that ? When we're looking back and should , it's great to really lose the shame and then to live in that you know that's something I could have done , but I didn't . And guess what ? We always do the very best Right . I could have done , but I didn't . And guess what ? We always do the very best Right , always , in every moment . In retrospect it's easy to go no , no , that wasn't very good , not true ? Nobody plays to lose , nobody Right . Yes , that's where we get to have empathy for others instead of judging them Because even though they're not showing up in a way that we think is very good ,
they're doing the best they can .
Speaker 2I do love . That is such a great reset in in those moments that you're like , even when you're like , why are you looking at your phone while you're going up the subway stairs ? And then you just have to tell yourself like I'm sure she's doing her best , like maybe it's her caregiver , or you know she's getting an emergency text , or maybe she's just anxious and she's needing to touch in , like you just have to kind of reframe it and use that storytelling mind in a good way . Rather than everybody , yeah , yeah , everybody .
Speaker 1Totally . Yeah , you could have fun with that . You could use fun which is a value of yours to . So when you start to feel agitated is to go into that fun , creative mode and go okay , that person is really annoying and it's obviously just you know . You know it's going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring . Or you know going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring . Or you know what else could be true about this character
. Oh , maybe they're talking too . I mean , you can just have fun with it and time will pass and it may be true that they were just doing bullshit on their phone , but you had fun they could have been doing the connections they could have been , or they could have been doing exactly what you were judging them for doing .
Speaker 1But but why ? Why must you suffer ? Because you're judging someone else we create suffering for , for our of our own .
Speaker 2Yep .
Speaker 1So , Preach .