Lisa Hopkins 0:00
This is the stop time podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Hopkins, and I'm here to engage you in thought provoking motivational conversations around practicing the art of living in the moment. I'm a certified life coach, and I'm excited to dig deep and offer insights into embracing who we are and where we are at. So my next guest made her Broadway debut at 19 years old. She has appeared in numerous Broadway and Off Broadway productions, since including games that sees Cinderella any clueless musical, she's appeared on TV and Fossey Verdun, the King of Queens, and can be heard singing in studio sessions in the Santa Claus three Fred Claus and the Disney Princess CD series. My guest comes to comes to us through a deep connection. We've known each other quite a while and I've watched her grow into the incredible human being that she is continuing to be. At the peak of the pandemic crazy summer, she watched her acting community struggle to feel safe and financially stable. As one by one they joined the 20% of Manhattan that was moving out of the city. As a response, she co founded move on a minimalist moving company, and the purpose for clientele was to encourage focused intentions. downsize clutter to only the items serving that intention, oh god, I need her and then transport them to the new locations with an energy clean slate. Well, the business picked up rapidly and began easing the stress of many affected by the pandemic move on found its underlying purpose a crew made up entirely of unemployed actors supplementing their income. It is with such great pleasure that I introduce you all to my friend Tessa Grady. Tessa, welcome.
Tessa Grady 1:53
Hi Lisa. I'm so happy to be here.
Lisa Hopkins 1:56
So you're in California right now, right?
Tessa Grady 1:58
Yes, I'm in California right now. I took the moving van here that we ended up purchasing for "Move On". We wanted to spend holidays with family and my family is here in California. So my partner and I took it as the needed time for us to hop in our cargo van put a mattress in the back and road trip across the country. So it should have taken about 11 days. It took about two weeks because our van broke down on top of us knowing mountain so that's a story for another time. But we ended up getting our van fixed. We had an amazing time once up that mountain and finished our road trip and are here now for the holidays. And in California.
Lisa Hopkins 2:41
Oh wow. How was that traveling during COVID?
Tessa Grady 2:45
You know, it was so different for different cities, you would go to a place like Chicago that has a lot of nightlife. And it's a city life. But Chicago has been hit pretty hard. So they really had restrictions and curfews and places that you just could not go you could not experience and it really quieted Chicago a place that I know very well. I've worked in Chicago, I've been in Chicago several times. And so it was strange to see kind of the the mellow that comes across a city and it's strange to see that kind of quiet in a city that moves so quickly. I am really curious to know if you remember if there was a standout moment when you realized that Broadway was shutting down when it all happened. I had been out of the city. And I came back and I'm telling you two days later, we all got shut down and quarantined and or weren't allowed to leave our houses and Broadway was shut down. And it really happened very quickly for my brain because I hadn't been plugged into my community for about a week or two. And I came back to New York, realizing how fast that momentum had picked up and just closed everything off. So I had a bit of a jarring adjustment to it going. I'm back in New York, but I don't even feel like I'm back in the New York that I recognize that New York that I love. Well, yes. Wow. It's exactly how I felt I met. Wow, what an interesting position for me to be in that that I had been away and kind of came back having to introduce myself to this new world that we were about to dive into the rest of the year.
Lisa Hopkins 4:35
So how did you handle that?
Tessa Grady 4:37
I feel like I went directly from shock to embracing reality to embracing reality because there was no other option. I just introduced myself to the entirety of it at once and went straight from the shock factor to I guess this is what it is. So I can sit here and argue about it. to no avail, or I can get on board and try and find a way to keep my rounding, keep my foundation and make this work because that's our only option. So I ended up being very grateful for the fact that I didn't get slowly hurt by it. I came back to New York, it was all at once and from there was left with either be crushed by that realization and that reality, or step up and just allow it to be because that's that there was no changing it at that point.
Lisa Hopkins 5:37
Mm hmm. Yeah. Sink or swim. Right? rip off the band aid.
Tessa Grady 5:42
Oh, totally. Totally. That's exactly what it felt like.
Lisa Hopkins 5:45
That's so interesting. Although I'm not hearing you know, it's funny, because sink or swim, definitely has that idea of, you know, I'm not going to be victim to this. But I'm curious to know about the swim aspect of it. Like, did you feel like there was any fight in that doesn't sound like it sounds like it was acceptance, it sounds like it was, you know, sort of ready, ready for the moment. Accepting the process. Trusting the process. Tell me more about that...
Tessa Grady 6:15
Yeah, I have the great fortune of being a lover of very simple things, I have a lot of very casual, small, simple things in my day, that bring me a lot of joy, so much joy. And it's things like reading a book, taking a bath, baking bread, there are these little hobbies that I kind of cultivated for myself years ago, in a response to, I have a career that has a lot of ups and downs. So let me find a through ground, to bring myself joy, keep myself grounded in other areas. And in cultivating those things, they have become a huge part of my life. So the trusting the process came very easily to me, because as soon as I was told, you have to sit at home and stay there, I just turned to those, Simplicity's those simple joys that I had already unknowingly developed. I really I leaped into my simple joys and they saved the beginning of this process for me.
Lisa Hopkins 7:25
Yes, it sounds like you didn't quite realize how important it was until until you needed it. And there it was - ready for you.
Tessa Grady 7:33
Those were developed for me as little saving graces, when you're having those those tough days and acting. We all know those moments where you don't feel you were in control, you don't feel you were even potentially able to be in control. And that goes against such such a grain in us that we want. As actors, we want to we want something tangible. And so much of that career is intangible for us to grip or hold on to. So we are on this ride all the time. And if the ride gets a little too bumpy, I found such peace in going home and having these things that I was passionate about. I'm very passionate about the books that I read. And I really give them time started realizing that I didn't want to be my career. My career for my first several years in New York was who I was identified with that level of success, I identified with how well I could do, and therefore my worth got tied up in it. And I was starting to flounder quickly. And it wasn't career wise, I started to flounder internally. And I went that's going to make a bigger difference in my life than any career outcome. So I need to fix this. And I need to fix this now. So I found these other things that I loved and could spend my creativity on and invest my heart in so that I was no longer what I did. Musical theater is what I do. And Tessa Grady is more than that. I am who I am. Whether theater is there or not. And God I did not know that it almost at this point feels like I was prepping myself for an easier transition when everything stopped this year.
Lisa Hopkins 9:38
Amen, sister. No, absolutely. I'm just so curious to know how you were able to give yourself permission to do that.
Tessa Grady 9:49
Oh, oh, man. It was the pandemic giving me permission to do that. It truly I didn't realize lies that I put myself through a little bit of a cycle of guilt. Anytime I was away from New York, mm hmm pursuing other dreams, pursuing other passions, or just pursuing family time pursuing visiting friends who were traveling, anything that that builds up, a character build builds life experience builds, you know, memories, I had the hardest time being away from New York, because I plagued myself with this idea of, I'm missing something, there's something important that I'm going to miss, there's going to be an audition that was perfectly right for me, and I'm going to miss it. So I can't be away that long, because God forbid, my going to New York, is moving on without me. And I don't think I fully realized that I was still doing that to myself. Not giving myself the total freedom and the total trust, to know that every audition that is perfect and right for me will be the ones that I'm there for the ones that I am available for and and work smoothly into my life as I choose to build it not as my life as musical theater chooses to build it for me. And it was a bit of a blind spot until everything stopped. And in a way, we all I think part of the grief and the adjustment that we all have all been taking is there's a huge percent of us left breathing a sigh of relief, that we are not beholden to this, this mechanism of audition mindset, this mechanism of you always have to be treading water in order to continue making it forward. So that world when on pause, and basically gave us permission to travel to take a full day off and do find our simple joys, to reconnect with family or with other, you know, parts of our community electronically. And it was something that I didn't realize I was missing from my life because I wasn't giving myself permission to do so. And so I that is that silver lining upside of Wow, this pandemic really showed a blind spot to me that I am so grateful I am starting to do these things in my life. And when I get back, and I'm going to those auditions, and there's you know calls from agents or news about something every single day, I really want to hold on to this, I want to hold on to the power of my own sense of choice. I know of a lot of days I've had where it wasn't the right choice. And I did it because I thought I was supposed to. I thought what what would I be if I didn't? Really I have to take every possible opportunity that that that theater offers. And I am finding such freedom and such ease in choosing who I want to be each day.
Lisa Hopkins 13:16
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, no, beautifully said.
Tessa Grady 13:21
But I as you know, as a person who can be an analytical brain, myself lived for years, I called it head first. And my heart would kind of follow second as you know, a nice job to have to check in with my emotions. And that one was huge for me. And I made a new year's resolution that year to try out flipping them. I'm gonna live heart first. And I'll have my head, right, you know, flanking it second, to use as a tool of my intellect and my analytical side, to protect to to help. I had to try I went I know how life works when I am when I am leading with my intellect and chasing it with my head. Oh, yeah, following following close by with my heart. I know what that life looks like, I may crash and burn. But I got to know, I have to know what I would be like what life would be like if I switched these. So even if the logic doesn't follow it, if hold to that I want to make those choices. And then at least I will not go back. I did this about three years ago. And it has changed my entire life. It allowed me to start trusting. And I could do that once I stopped having to have the explanation behind why I should trust.
Lisa Hopkins 14:37
Yeah. How did you do it? How did you like just - I know it's probably a whole other podcast - but I'm just curious to know like, what was your first actual action? Can you pinpoint, you know, when you made that decision, and I understand why you did - how you were able to, to sort of instigate that approach?
Tessa Grady 15:00
I had a tendency of being a people person in a way where I knew how to network, you know, forward the things that I needed or wanted to bring into my life, by being able to really gauge the space that other people were in, I could really have a feel for what this person likes, or what this person's energy is. I was an energy worker from from a calculated way, I guess, in a sense, and I you know, not to do anything maliciously, but just to be able to my own survival, my own protection and independence was driven from, I can gauge everybody else. Yep. And then I can adjust. Yep, to match that so that I'm never under fire. I'm always, you know, in a, an uncomfortable position with any group of people because I can kind of shift myself to be accepted in that area to be accepted among those people or to it worked with acting as well, I can walk in a room and I can figure out what they want to see not just what the character breakdown is, but I can quickly try and size up the energy of these people behind the table and the notes they're giving and match what they're handing me so that I get closer to what they want. Yep. And it's a total survival mechanism. And, you know, served me really well for a while. But I was left not ever feeling truly connected with any friendships, any partnerships, any sense of self, it was like, I was playing the role of me. And I was doing a damn good job. And I, I knew how to play the game. It felt like I knew how to play the game of life. And yet nothing was was hitting home. I felt very lonely. I felt very lonely at the end of the day. And I didn't felt good. I didn't feel very understood or seen or, or authentic. Even though I if someone had told me you're not very authentic, I would have denied it tooth and nail. No, I know, this is who this is me. This is how I've always been. So the first thing I remember doing, was practicing asking for what I wanted without feeling guilty. That was like step one for me. And that was hard. That was a full chapter we went through that we practice that. And step two, was standing my own space, whatever emotional space I was feeling at that moment. Stand in it proud and tall. Regardless of who you're around what thing you have to do that day, I started going into auditions, and they go, you know, hi. Oh, hi, how are you? And we all are so used to going. So you know, great, thanks so much. Good to see you guys all the usual. And for a while, I had to just buckle down and go, I need to practice taking my space in whatever it is because it's worthy. It I am worthy of being in this space. So I'd walk into an audition, they go Hey, Tez How are you? And I sure enough, I've said things like, you know, I don't feel great. Today I am or I I feel really exhausted. But I'm, you know, and then followed up with. I'm really grateful to be here. You know, I'm excited still to do this material. But I had to start putting words to the space that my heart was feeling. So that my heart started being able to feel comfortable was being welcomed into my own space had to be around groups of friends that I would adjust to their energy before. So you be there and I'm going to be here for you. But I don't need to be there with you. Yeah, and that was a huge one. For me. I had a very hard time just walking my own separate path in a group that was clearly had kind of an energy level that was different than mine. So I didn't want to alienate myself from my friends. I wanted to let my friends know who I was. And they would never have a chance of doing that if I wasn't speaking to it.
Lisa Hopkins 19:27
Absolutely and your energy is such a gift. Really. I mean...
Tessa Grady 19:34
I miss you I miss your energy! There are people whose energy I genuinely when we're in lockdown and we spend a lot of time by ourselves. To me what speaks more is is the energies that we miss not necessarily the... you know? You know how much I love your tap classes and I would go off and and take your top classes but that's not what I miss the most. What I miss is, is your energy, the energy that you bring to a room. I miss the energies the most. Yeah, in a positive way and your energy just is very uplifting to me. It's inspiring to me. It's always been such a welcoming, warm energy to be with. So that I'm just so glad to have a little catch up in a piece of it today.
Lisa Hopkins 20:21
Ditto! No, for sure, for sure. All right, let me ask you. What do you know will be true about you, no matter what happens?
Tessa Grady 20:32
I will always choose the Kinder option. When I don't choose the Kinder option, I suffer. It affects me so deeply. The times still come up when I can tell that the Kinder option will be taking myself or my ego or my needs out of the picture for a moment so that someone can can take the space. So what I know I will always be striving for is to be a listener. And I'm really know that for myself every time I choose to listen, and then listen deeper. Yep, got that quote from a dear friend of mine, listen, and then listen deeper. Every time I have chosen that. It has lent itself to some of the most amazing realizations, some of the most amazing moments, some of the most amazing connections, the most amazing communication. It's like, for me, it's the root of communication.
Unknown Speaker 21:39
Yeah. All right. I have just a couple more questions for you. Because I can't keep you all day although I really like to. I'm having fun. So what's your definition of living in the moment?
Tessa Grady 21:51
Having nowhere to be but here are loving nothing. Yeah, having nowhere to be but here. And then I think the second sentence would be having nothing to do but now.
Lisa Hopkins 22:00
Hmm. Say it again say both. I love that.
Tessa Grady 22:03
Having nowhere to be but here having nothing to do but now. And that. It just encompasses everything and like I said, I'm I am. net. I never claimed to be perfect at any of these ideals that I love and that I practice them carry. But when I when I say those words to myself, hey, you have nowhere to be but here. Because guess what, you are nowhere. But right here. This is where you are. can't change it until you're somewhere else. But when you're somewhere else, you're here. You can't go away from it. Oh, absolutely. We might as well be here in whatever form it takes, and you've got nowhere else to be. And that is the plague that I think most of us carry is we're sitting around here wanting to be there.
Lisa Hopkins 22:51
Hmm.
Tessa Grady 22:52
And that's the only that's the friction that's that's the only thing that keeps us from the those simple joys, that gratitude of what we have.
Lisa Hopkins 23:09
I'm just curious to know like what might take you out of the moment, what kind of things get in the way?
Tessa Grady 23:14
My own self reflection, I will self reflect my way out I will realize I've completely missed the beautiful sunset that I went outside to sit in front of and meditate with. And here I am sitting watching this beautiful sunset and I'm sitting going "now I'm out here to meditate because I felt this thing earlier that didn't feel right with my heart. And so I need to think through what that was and where it came from, what the route was and what I can do next time to to create an opportunity for me to rise and and train myself into a different level of energetic work and become..." I always want to be better. I always want to grow I always want to be better. And yet after those moments, so often I'm left going I totally missed that sunset.
Lisa Hopkins 24:10
So how do you want to be remembered?
Tessa Grady 24:11
Oh I got this one. I've got this one. I say this to people Lisa. I say that at the end of my life. I have an abundant storage of great stories. Just amazing adventures. great stories. Most great stories are made up of embarrassments or crazy things or weird, unique experiences. Those are the things that I want to fill my life with. Those are the things I don't need to be remembered by a lot of people but the people who are remembering me after I'm gone I want them to think back and go. She did crazy thing. She did so many different things. I want to be the old lady talking to my you know canasta friends and my grandkids and I want my grandkids to think man, grandma just doesn't ever run out of good stories. So what that makes me as a person, right now, in my present moment as a as a 26 year old is someone who, I, if I want that goal, and I have wanted that goal for a very long time, it's just something that brings me a lot of joy. being remembered that way. I have to let go of fears. I have to embrace embarrassment and and I have to let go of that shame gland. I have to just be willing to be more curious than I am worried. Because the times when I leap in having no knowledge of whether I'm gonna fail or succeed, do well, if I take you know, the road less traveled, guaranteed, it's going to end up with a great story at the end. And that's what I am. I am digging for because I will make choices sometimes specifically because I know that they are going to yield to create story.
Lisa Hopkins 26:11
That's awesome. No, that that's so great. I love that. That's so great.
Tessa Grady 26:18
So yeah,
Lisa Hopkins 26:19
We're gonna do rapid fire. Okay. Oh, yeah, you're ready.
Tessa Grady 26:23
I think so. We'll see!
Lisa Hopkins 26:24
What what makes you laugh?
Tessa Grady 26:26
My partner.
Lisa Hopkins 26:28
Hungry?
Tessa Grady 26:29
Waking up in the morning.
Lisa Hopkins 26:30
Sad.
Tessa Grady 26:31
Myself.
Lisa Hopkins 26:32
Inspired?
Tessa Grady 26:34
Animals.
Lisa Hopkins 26:36
Frustrated?
Tessa Grady 26:37
New York. Right now? I'm answering in the present moment. New York.
Lisa Hopkins 26:43
What makes you motivated?
Tessa Grady 26:46
Little things.
Lisa Hopkins 26:49
What makes you angry?
Tessa Grady 26:53
People who take things too seriously.
Lisa Hopkins 26:56
And what makes you grateful?
Tessa Grady 26:59
So much at everything in my life. That has been a huge part of my life is gratitude. And I can't recommend it more.
Lisa Hopkins 27:13
It's so beautiful. I wish I wish my guests could see you. It was so beautiful.
Yeah, no, no, really. So what what are the top three things that happens so far today?
Tessa Grady 27:26
That happened today? Oh my gosh, okay, this is fun. I woke up feeling so spacious. In my head. That's, uh, I know, it sounds weird. But I think everybody knows what I'm talking about. There are those random times where you just wake up. And there's really no thoughts going on. You just wake up with this total blank canvas. And you're you're not, you don't have anything stuck in your head, you're not thinking of something from the day before. You can't remember any dreams. It's just openness and spaciousness. And it feels so freeing. It's such a liberating feeling to wake up that way. And I woke up that way today. And it immediately got me excited for the whole day. So that is definitely on my top three. A second part of my top three would be I am doing this food cleanse with my mom right now. I have been home for the longest amount of time in seven years since living in New York. And so I jumped into this cleanse with her for nine days, you have to really stay regimented. And it is one of the first things in my adult life that I have had to really rely on her for, for information for keeping me on track keeping me up to date, and we're doing it together. But she has done it multiple times. She has all the knowledge of this and I'm kind of stepping into her world. And I realized that I'm so glad I'm finally as an adult, getting to step into her world and, and let our connection start to come from something that's mutual, rather than something I am owning myself and then she can be invited into it was kind of you know, we all need to create our independence when we become young adults. And I feel this really nice transition with my mom especially that that I I am loving I'm loving, taking giving space to her learning from her in from a new space at from a new mindset and just kind of put it putting my ego aside really is all it is.
Lisa Hopkins 29:49
Yeah, for sure.
Tessa Grady 29:49
and seeing you know, you get to see a parent like that in a new light when you when you put that vendetta away for a second and my mom and I have a great relationship. You know, this is certainly not coming out of friction it but it's just coming out of the the natural process of becoming an adult yourself. And I'm finally at the place where I can I can put my, my adult side, my screaming of my own self away and start to relearn who my mother is as equals to each other.
Lisa Hopkins 30:24
Yeah, I mean, there's room for both of you, right?
Tessa Grady 30:26
Yeah, exactly. And it's really fun this this cleanse is really fun. It's making us be creative together. It's making us cook together. It's it's having it's been really great. So that has been one of my top three things that has already we already did a morning cleanse routine this morning. So that was how I started my day. And then number three, top three things that happened today. Number three, is that I sat by the fireplace. And I don't know if anybody lives in New York, we know there are a few and far between that get the luxury and the the joy of sitting by a gas fireplace. And I got to put the logs and the this is my side of like getting a little too excited about very simple, casual things. And building a fired sitting by the fireplaces is one of my greatest joys that I am without for most of the year in New York City. So I, as you know, Lisa, when you popped onto the zoom, I had a fireplace behind me!
Lisa Hopkins 31:29
Oh, that's awesome. Yay. And so what what are you most looking forward to today?
Tessa Grady 31:37
Today, I think I'm definitely most looking forward to spending the rest of the day in the energy space that you have really left me and joined me. It's like we are speaking with you leaves us both in this motivated but but peaceful in those two together that is just such a unique, beautiful blend, where you feel active yet completely content. And you have really heralded that for me today. And so I get to spend the rest of my day in that space sitting sitting in that chair. And I'm really excited to see what unfolds from that. Because energy always begets the same energy. And this I could not ask for better.
Lisa Hopkins 32:31
Oh, I am so very grateful for you. And for that. And I feel I feel the same way. I really, really do. You're such a joy, and have been from the very first moment that that we met. I mean, again, it was energetic.
Tessa Grady 32:45
I mean, yeah, it was fun working together. But 10 years ago, I was 17!
Lisa Hopkins 32:50
You were such a baby. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today on stop time. Really. I really appreciate it. Yeah, it's been wonderful to have you.
Tessa Grady 33:01
I am so honored to be asked to come on and it's a reminder that just by being human and having experiences, you may have something that is useful to someone else. And that's a really nice feeling. It's Yeah, humans helping humans and I really love that. I love that you are spearheading that kind of work. I really appreciate you. So thank you. Thanks for having me here.
Lisa Hopkins 33:26
Oh, it's my pleasure. I've been speaking today with Tessa Grady. Thanks for listening, stay safe and healthy everyone and remember to live in the moment and if you don't, you know it's okay. Cuz it happened anyway.
Tessa Grady 33:39
You're already here!
Lisa Hopkins 33:44
in music, stop time is that beautiful moment where the band is suspended in rhythmic unison, supporting the soloist to express their individuality. In the moment, I encourage you to take that time and create your own rhythm. Until next time, I'm Lisa Hopkins. Thanks for listening.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai