💡 Coaching Insights: Overcoming the Fear of Being Seen

Ever stood frozen at the edge of sharing your creative work, paralyzed by what others might think? You're not alone. 

The moment we consider making something private into something public, our brains construct elaborate stories about potential judgment, criticism, and rejection. But what if these "high stakes" are merely illusions? This coaching conversation dives deep into the psychology behind our fear of being seen and offers a powerful reframe: stakes only exist if we decide they do.

When that voice in your head grows louder, telling you to stay hidden, it's actually a sign you're approaching something deeply important. "Fear is a mask for desire," as we explore in this episode. That protective instinct intensifies precisely when you're closest to what you truly want. Understanding this pattern can transform how you approach vulnerability and creative expression.

We also confront the "grandiose thinking" that makes us believe others are deeply invested in judging our work when, in reality, most people are far more concerned with their own lives than with critiquing yours. The truly important question isn't what others might think, but rather: What about the stakes of regret for not trying at all?

Whether you're a creator, performer, entrepreneur, or simply someone who hesitates to speak up in meetings, this episode provides the perspective shift needed to move past fear and into authentic expression. Ready to rewrite the stories that keep you playing small? Listen now and discover what becomes possible when you release the imaginary stakes holding you back.

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Chapters

• 0:47 The Fear of Being Seen
• 1:23 Stakes Only Exist If You Create Them
• 2:19 Fear as a Mask for Desire
• 3:23 The Stakes of Not Trying

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:24

We've all been there, holding back from sharing our work, our voice or our creativity because of what people might think. The moment something private becomes public, the stakes suddenly feel higher. But what if those stakes aren't real? What if they're just stories we tell ourselves to keep us safe? In this coaching insight, from the room where it happens, we explore the fear of being seen, why our primitive brain tries to stop us from stepping into what we truly want, and how to reframe the stakes so they no longer hold us back. If you've ever felt paralyzed by the fear of judgment, this one's for you. Let's dive in.

Speaker 2: 1:06

And then, but the thought of putting it onto my Instagram, because now that increases the stakes, right, because now people are seeing it, you know, and people can comment, and you know people can, you know, make comments of like. You know, well, you know you're not as good as so-and-so or something, and now like, where this, this, this photo that I once liked when it was just me looking at it, now has far more, greater stakes involved. You know, how do you, how do you get around? That, I think, is what I struggle with, well, they're only stakes.

Speaker 1: 1:40

If you make them stakes Also, it's a lie, it's it's. It's your primitive brain coming in trying to keep you safe. And the closer you get to doing what you really want to do but you've never done it before because it's scary the louder that voice is going to get. The stakes are high stakes. What could happen? Are you doing it because you care what people think? This is so important, though, because it holds us all back so much. It's like grandiose thinking, really. We think that people care, that people do not care. We care way more. We're so worried about the other people because we care so much, but you can't control what other people think, and if you're doing whatever you do, whether it's you're being nice to somebody because you care about what they think about you, then what kind of what's going on there? I mean, think about it, think about. Nobody would do anything if we worried about what other people think. And also, yes, there's a world in which there are actors that got a role and it changed their lives. You know a young person who directed his first show and ended up with three Tonys, or you know, and a woman who started, you know, photography from nothing and suddenly just went viral. I mean that, yeah, sure that happens and you could find things that happen. Is your goal to be the viral person? Is your goal to win the award? Is your goal?

Speaker 1: 3:04

We get lost in this? Two things. One is it's your primitive brain, so it's normal. When you get scared, when the fear amps up, that means you're getting closer to your edge. Fear is a mask for desire. Fear is a mask for desire. When you get scared, it means because you really want it, because, yes, the stakes are high, but the stakes don't belong to the other people, they're your stakes Vulnerability. What about the stakes of regret for not trying?