Krystal Joy Brown: All of the Above—and Then Some

Krystal Joy Brown is a Broadway actor and multidisciplinary artist, and her life right now is a bold mix of performance, producing, directing, writing, and grad school work in creative coding and physical computing. We talk about why a creative career doesn’t have to be linear, how “figuring it out” can become paralysis, and what changes when you stop asking how it all connects and start letting the Venn diagram form on its own. Along the way, she shares the reality behind visible success: grief, depression, imposter syndrome, and the quiet discipline of doing the next right thing.

We also get real about neurodivergence. Krystal opens up about ADHD, an autism diagnosis, masking, overstimulation, and how radically honest relationships and safer spaces to fail can transform your mental health. We end with inner-child care, daily choices, and a reminder she hears from her younger self: don’t forget there’s also magic.

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Transcript

Welcome Back Crystal Joy Brown

Lisa Hopkins 0:26

I'm your host at the end. And I'm here to engage you in thought-provoking motivational conversations around practicing the art of living in the moment. I'm a certified life coach, and I'm excited to dig deep and offer insights into embracing who we are and where we are at. So my next guest first joined me way back in 2020, during the very first season of Stop Time. And a lot has happened since then. She's a highly accomplished actor, producer, director, writer, voice artist, and mental wellness advocate whose creative life has continued to expand across Broadway, film, television, animation, and beyond. Since we last spoke, she starred in the Tony Award-winning revival of Marrily We Roll Along, earned a Grammy nomination, stepped further into directing, writing, and producing, and even returned to school to complete her BFA, all the while continuing to explore new ways of creating, telling stories, and making impact. And when we first met, she described herself as a mad scientist adventurer. Six years later, I can't wait to find out where that adventure has taken her. Please welcome back to Stoptime, the one and only Crystal Joy Brown.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Thank you so much for having me. Like, and look those words before, I was like mad scientists. I'm literally in science right now. Like I'm literally doing science and computer sciences and art sciences. And it's it's actually been a part of my whole life lately. Um so that and an adventuring is just like that's just my DNA. That's just who I am. So it's fun to like revisit. Like sometimes you say the words that you want to be, and then you become them. And and I think that those may have been words that I wanted to be, or I want people to know is in me, or I see in me, and then stepping into that, you know. So that was really kind of nostalgic and also very full circle feeling for me. Because sometimes I'm like, you're doing all of these things that feel so broad and so like, okay, but does this connect to film? Does this connect to theater? Does this uh connect to the ephemeral arts? It are what are you trying to build? And then I I see that like all of these things that I'm doing are somehow a Venn diagram. Um, and they all do like connect to each other. And and sometimes I'm like, how did I get here? In the most like, you know, in the most like uh like thankful way because I'm actually not going, oh, how did I get here? Now I'm in school. Now I'm I'm like, I just booked another show that is Broadway bound. You know, we all we say that about all shows, but like prayers up. Um, and so like I'm about to go into my remote semester of my grad program and start a new show at the same time. Of course, like you know, like in a week, like very soon. Um, on top of that, producing on top of that dog mom, on top of that, like so many other things, you know. Um so it is it's interesting to think of the evolution from 2020 to 2026, and who I was then and who I wanted to be, and who I was like curious about being, and who I'm like kind of allowing myself to be now, and give myself some of the power back when it comes to creative storytelling by stepping into the roles of producer and writer, director. Like I love telling other people's stories, but I really love making other people's stories exist. Like I really love making my friends' dreams come true too. Like just being like, yeah, let's just make the thing, let's make the film, let's do the thing, and we'll figure out all of the pieces as we go. Yeah. So yeah, it's been a very interesting time. I don't think like, I don't think being an artist is a linear path. So I think that that's kind of a helpful thought for me to be like, okay, if I'm learning creative coding and I am learning physical computing um and how to build things and how to use all this different technology, how does that help with my other work? And how does that um help with my acting? How does that give me more control over like my choices, like my confidence, my ability? And then and I'm excited to see because like this will be my first time my first show since starting grad school, which I started in early July, going into something with this new kind of version of myself, who's also, you know, still an a student, a learner, and also a creator, a maker, a builder, a scientist, an artist, a director, a you know, a lover of life, and also a complete, um, a completely neurospicy baddie, you know.

Lisa Hopkins 5:33

Yeah, oh yeah. No, 100%. And I think that's why I'm really drawn to you. Um, I feel that. I see that. And what what really stands out to me about what you just said is that you're asking how after you've done it. That's really interesting

A Nonlinear Artist Life By Design

Lisa Hopkins 5:53

to me because a lot of people do stuff because they think it's good for this, because they think it's good for that. And you're looking at it going, I'm doing this, and I'm curious, how does it connect, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

I I have I looked back on 2025, which was one of my hardest years ever. I lost my grandmother. Just so many really hard things happen. Um, and I, but somehow, somehow, I kept showing up. I kept doing things. Somehow I get nominated for an award for playing Earth A Kit and um Natalie Cole in Lights Out. Somehow I graduate with a 3.91. Somehow I'm shortlisted at MIT. Somehow I get into NYU. Somehow, like, like, but during that time I was the most depressed, miserable. Like my body was moving, but and in my but and something else was for pushing me, but I didn't know where it was going, you know, and I was like, I was like, I'm just gonna do stuff. Like somehow I I created a short film that's 33 minutes on my phone that got me into these schools, and then also like is doing what it's doing at festivals. And I'm just kind of like, I didn't feel fully present. I felt like I was I what it wasn't like a conscious, it wasn't really a conscious thought. Like I didn't sit and do what I normally do, which is like vision board and suss it out and make it work. I didn't do any of that because I didn't have the wherewithal to do that. I just was like, what is feels like the next right thing? And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna apply to eight schools, but I didn't. I applied to two. And I was like, okay, uh, I'm going to, you know, get new reps. I'm gonna do the like, I just kind of was listening in the moment of what I thought was interesting, what I thought my kind of spirit and soul wanted to do. And then as this year has been unfolding, it was like all of the compartmentalization or the my body and spirit moving me without my mind really, my mind and my like grief, like just being like a a cinder block. Or like if you've seen um inside out when joy is just like dragging sadness, sadness is like touching all of the memories. And and I felt like that was my my mental health, and my spirit was just being like dragged that something in me was still forcing me to propel forward and to like try new things and expand. And I and I kept learning. Like when I went back to school at Amda, I went back to finish my BFA and I did it um a asynchronous. Um, so like you're pretty much just doing it everything on your own schedule. Yeah, you have a class and all of that, but you you're doing it all pretty much by yourself. I was like, wow, I just fell in love with academia. When I'd gone to school before, I fell in love with dance and and I got to just focus on musical theater and script analysis and dramaturgy and all that stuff. But I didn't sit in a race and gender class, I didn't sit in an English 101 class, I didn't do a philosophy or psychology class or sociology. And I was in those classes just so like excited. And I'm also I was also doing a show at that time too. I had started school, I booked a show off Broadway, and so I was doing that show while I was, you know, actively in class every single day, waking up at five o'clock in the morning, doing what I could to absorb it. And just being like, why do I feel like I need my BFA? Like, I have a career in acting. Why do I feel like I want a master's? I have this career, like something was just kind of like pushing me forward. And, you know, and even now I'm like, you know, it's kind of exciting. It's more exciting because I actually truly don't know what anything what anything will be. It's like as long as I stay curious and stay open and you know, uh kind of just like Yeah, that feels right, but then eventually the pieces will fall. I've never been this person before. I have been very like, you have to do this and structures and but it's like my system now is listening. And it's not necessarily that it's not knowing, but it's just listening.

Lisa Hopkins 10:27

Yeah, I love that. You know, I often say that uh digging into that place of not knowing is exactly where knowing begins.

unknown 10:39

Right?

Lisa Hopkins 10:40

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah.

unknown 10:41

Yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 10:42

It's kind of exciting. I'm hearing you say, no, but that's kind that's exciting. It's it's unknown, but it's because it's unknown, anything's possible.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Absolutely. I've actually unlocked the anything's possible part of my brain. Um, I think that like also I had when you're an actor, sometimes, and I think not even just when you're an actor, I will go back to like my childhood, and I remember,

Grief Year Momentum And The Next Right Thing

SPEAKER_01 11:08

I don't remember what grade I was in, maybe fifth or sixth grade, but we were in biology class or some some sort of class about the human body where we were learning about it. And I drew, I I worked really hard and I drew this sketch of the brain and the inner ear. And I was like, I labeled all of it and I had gone into such immense detail. And I was like, wow, I did it. Like I did something really hard and like really out of, like, I'm not a I'm not good at drawing, I'm not good at those things, but I really like took my time with this. I really like laser focused in on it, and I was like, I want to get all of the pieces right, I want to get all the parts right. I'm learning about all this, and I'm like gonna make this really great representation of the side of the brain in the ear. I hand it in to my teacher, and I'm so proud. And you know, maybe the next day I get called to her desk and she's like, We need to talk about this sketch. And I was like, Yeah, like how good it is. You know, I'm thinking because it's amazing. And she was like, You didn't do this. There's no way you did this. Oh no. And I was like, No, I did do it. And she took me to the principal's office, and they were like, There's no way that you did this. And like, you can't cheat, you can't trace, you can't, you know, they were just like, you can't have someone else do it. Like, there's no way that you did this. And then they took it, they put an F on it, and then they threw it away. And that was the end of my STEM curiosity. I was like, oh, okay, I sing, I dance, I I stay in my lane, I don't ask too many questions, I I'm not like I'm not a scientist, you know, I'm not, I'm I'm not these things, you know, and and if I do try, I'm going to get humiliated. And that's really what happened. Where it was like, you, little black girl, little brown girl, do not know how to do these types of things. You do not have the capacity to do this. And what has happened, especially since going back to school, has opened all of that up and blown all of that, those things that I carried, I think blatantly like carried for so long, thinking, oh, I, you know, yeah, I'm smart, I'm smart curious, I'm I like to talk or learn about quantum physics, but like, you know, that's just like a random thing I like to do. Like, no, no, no. I've finally found places that embrace my curiosity, my my desire to to like build and make and and dream bigger and outside of myself. And but I so many of those things you you encounter one person in your life and they can do so much damage or so much repair, you know, as a especially as a child, and you get saddled with these notions of like, oh, I'm just this, and nobody wants to hear me talk about this, or I'm not an authority enough on this thing. Um and now I'm kind of like, you know, just taking some of that, those blockages away because they're not helpful and they're lies, you know, and there was someone else's security and and potentially someone else's racism, you know, imbued in that moment that is not that had nothing to do with me, but I carried it for so long and didn't think I was I was smart. And then I'm sitting there with MIT going, so these are the projects I'm working on, this is what I'm building, this is what I want to do. This is you know, and I'm just like, wait, how did I get here? Because it was always there. I was just told I wasn't allowed to do that. How did you get there?

Lisa Hopkins 14:45

I mean, that's a great question. I mean, it's interesting to me that you say, somehow I did this, somehow I did that. Like, tell me more about the somehow.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah, I think what happened was I think it came from a level of like discontent, you know. I think a breaking point of like, you know, I've achieved a lot. I've done six Broadway shows. I've, you know, worked with people I'm I admire so much and that inspire me or even inspired me to get into this industry. Um and and still I was not fully happy because I don't think I was fully actualized, fully realized, and fully seen. Um, and so and I think that I wasn't seen by others, but I really don't think I was fully allowing myself to be seen by myself. I think in the back of my mind, I was always like, yeah, it'd be nice to go to school. Like, you know, it'd be nice to like finish my BFA, it would be nice to do this. I but I think like sometimes you you get that push energetically, systemically, and your body, and at least for me, like my body clicked into a survival mode that was not like a survival mode that I've ever dealt with. Like done. I have never done survival mode this way before. Interesting. I've never done survival mode where I do more scary, complicated things and throw myself into the abyss and the mix and the unknown. I normally I think I would be like, okay, I'm gonna go find something like a job that makes sense, and I'm gonna like do these things that make sense. And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna go full throttle the opposite direction. And I think that for whatever reason, um, and I'm still figuring out the the somehow, um, but I do think that like the idea of getting out of this time of being with this regime and not having expanded myself, not having grown, not having taken like, okay, great, like there are less jobs across the board. I'm going to educate myself, I'm gonna build, I'm gonna produce. I don't know if I'd have the kick and the push, you know. Like it's there's more entrepreneurs now that are black and brown women than ever before. I mean, kind of because we had to. I do think that like watching society shift was a a scary propeller, but I was like, I'm not going to go in the way of fear. I'm going to go in the way of expansion, creation. I'm going to, you know, do anything to counteract the feeling of smallness, the feeling of decisiveness, the feeling of like nown-ness that I feel sometimes in this society. I'm more prepared for slumps in our industry and certain things that I was not prepared for before. And doing this this way, instead of like, you know, getting smaller and trying to actually get bigger internally and externally, uh is a totally different tactic that I think I'm understanding in this moment, in this stopped time.

Lisa Hopkins 17:52

That's cool. Yeah, you rarely stop, so it's probably a nice invitation.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

That is very true.

Lisa Hopkins 18:00

Have you ever considered that lay it on me? Somehow it was because you are Crystal Joy Brown. Not because of she just fell off her chair, if you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

No, this is exactly what my partner says, exactly what my mom says. And I I actually have been writing a book about it. And um just you saying that is funny, but but continue the thought, please.

Lisa Hopkins 18:30

Well, do you want to hear some of the things that stand out to me? These

The Classroom Moment That Shut Curiosity Down

Lisa Hopkins 18:33

are just fragments. Please, yeah. Okay, cool. So was it a problem for you that you're also beautiful? Because you carry that with you. I mean, it's a gift, and I'm sure that you get it all the time, and I'm sure that you're probably aware of it, and there's a certain responsibility for that. You know, you talk about the you know, the little black girl, but you know, even if you're a little white girl, you're beautiful and you're a woman, you're a girl. Thank you. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? And it's it's I do. Yeah. So well, you talked about a Venn diagram, right? Trying to figure out a little bit what that's the scientist in you, like what's the common what's the pattern. Yeah, what's the common pattern? So let me ask you about that, just to your words. What what do you think that is, what are you finding? What what is in that in that common pattern and why is that important to you to know?

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Well, um, I mean, yeah, I think that there is something that, yeah, maybe I'm I'm built a little bit different. Um so last year, I as I was working and studying and writing and writing my papers, and I was at school, and my professors were like, You're writing at a PhD level. You have to go for a master's. I had never thought about it. They're like, you have to continue your education. And I was like, for why? But I do love it. I do love sitting there doing research and learning, and you know, and just how I take on a character, especially if it's someone who's real, like Eliza. I want to know who she was, and I want to give her as much depth of personality and and in internal world as humanly possible for me, a person who looks like me, playing that role. And that means research. I love the research. And then I just did a workshop where I got to play Lena Horn and learn about this particular moment in hit in our history that's not very talked about. That's what I love. And I think I just didn't really tie it to academia because I never had that kind of liaison there. Um so as I was studying, realizing that I can like listen to three things at once and be like and be typing things, like it was just like, oh, what is my brain doing? Okay, I know I have ADHD, there's something else going on here, you know. And um, and I went back to my my therapist, and they were like, Oh, well, yeah, you're autistic. They're like, We thought you knew that. No, I did not know that. But it made all the sense in the world as I started to then, of course, nerd out and research that. The way that my mind works, the way that I come across, the way that I process things, the way that I can't really have small talk, my sensations, my uh stimulation, overstimulation, my I have synesthesia, and I started like really trying to understand my own brain. I honestly just thought like all brains work like this. And so when I would raise questions about justice and systems, I'm just thinking I'm saying something regular and normal, and everyone's like, Why did you talk about the elephant in the room? And I'm like, is that weird? I don't process it the same way because I'm just like, oh, there's an elephant in the room, we should talk about the elephant in the room. And in a work-like setting or in a relationship, that's always like difficult because people are so used to being, you know, in this like, we're gonna pretend. And so I was, I've noticed this pattern of myself for a long time. But I think with that diagnosis, it helped me to go, oh, your brain works like this, and you see the world like this, and other people don't see it like this. So this will make you hopefully have more self awareness, and therefore it'll be less difficult for you to process how humans work, how our systems work. But I have always been a per a person who questioned everything. I don't believe that anything needs to exist as it does if it doesn't work for the most amount of people. And my diagnosis, I don't feel like, is a A negative thing. I found this awareness and now I go, yeah, I need safe foods. Yeah, like I get extraordinarily exhausted after being around, you know, people. And also I can sit in front of a computer for 12 hours and make something. Um, there's so many things, and now I can like understand it better for myself and understand the world better. So it kind of like unlocked that for me. There's obviously a very dark side to all of this too, depression, anxiety. Sure. Um, like I never and like thank God I have people around me who can shatter my opinion of reality because I never actually think that I've done anything extraordinary or good or like profound. Um, and I can like list things and be like, yeah, but you know, and I I just don't see it sometimes. Like, even when you call me pretty or beautiful, I'm like, I'm a person who avoids mirrors. Um, and also like in this industry, it's all so subjective, and you know, I'm mixed race, I'm I'm Afro-Latina, I'm not necessarily your typical featured black person, and I'm not Latina, Latina. Like, so it's like I fit in with these in-between spaces. So sometimes it's like people don't know what to do with me, even if they're like, she did all the work, she just she's great, but like she's not looking like you know, this this vision of what we believe a black person should look like or a Latina should look like, or even an Afro-Latina. You know what I mean? Like, so sometimes it's like you're stuck in other people's ideas and stereotypes of what they think a thing is, and then that's that's a big part of your career.

Lisa Hopkins 24:09

No, 100%. And that, but you know, it's interesting because that tracks what you said about not being able to accept what you've done, sort of brushing that off, really tracks with the story that you told about your teacher. Um, because even though, right? You you do you see that? I mean, it really tracks because even though you've come to terms with that and understood it, broken it down and what that means, how it's made you operate a certain way, you know, these traumas don't just go away because you understand them. And so it makes perfect sense that it would be a little bit dangerous somehow to own it.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah.

Autism ADHD And Finally Understanding Your Brain

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Yeah. And I think that that's my practice now. So it's just been kind of a lot of undoing. Yeah. A lot of undoing. And that's been probably the thing that I'm realizing the most, especially like in this moment, is like the fact that I've been unlearning so much.

Lisa Hopkins 25:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Um, while learning so much.

Lisa Hopkins 25:13

Mm-hmm. Totally. Making room for the new expansion, the continued expansion. Do the people in your current cohort uh school know what you do otherwise?

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Yeah, I did. You know, I I did kind of recently there was like a jam session going on, and then I was like, oh, they're like, you're a singer, right? And I was like, yeah. And I sang like a few songs, and it was like the two my two worlds had come into existence for a moment. I felt so like the vibration of the hallway, everyone sitting around, someone put a campfire on the a laptop, you know, so it was like really fun. And and I was just like, oh. And then my my advisor, when I told him about this opportunity, I'm becoming this new person. I love who I'm becoming here. I love who I'm learning to be. Maybe I shouldn't do it. And he's like, you don't have to be one thing. Go do it. We'll be here. You're not gonna get kicked out of the program as long as you keep up. We'll figure it out. And don't erase a part of yourself just because you're doing this. This is an addition and expansion, too. So having a professor who understands my love of theater and film and being a performer, seeing that in me and pushing me forward and being like, you don't have to choose. The great thing is that you don't have to choose who you are. You can be all the things you want to be. Yep. And having someone encourage that is so helpful, especially when you're in a career where they're like, you're this, you're that, that's it. Yeah, deal with it. Yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 26:44

You know, it's funny how we we withhold, right? And then you learn that it's all of us. Like it's it's all of who you are.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Yeah. I think that we think of ourselves as artists and not as an asset. Like when we're like, I'm an artist, it feels like we're saying maybe something that's not serious. But like being an artist who can do multiple things and can live and operate in multiple worlds, having an artist spirit and an artist perspective can change everything.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

That ability to dig deeper, to look from a totally different perspective than a lot of people who have never been in the arts can do is like it it's leverage not just for the community, but for everyone around you too. I think of things in story, and most of them think of things in like product or an experience. And so when we combine those two things, it's a totally different elevation. Yeah. I used to think of myself saying, I'm an artist, and like that felt kind of like I was weirdly limiting myself because it felt so vague and it could be anything and broad. And now I just I say something even more broad, which is I'm a multi artist or interdisciplinary or multidisciplinary artist, something as vague as humanly possible, because then no one can put me in a box, yes, and I can be whatever it is that I want to be. 100%. And but I'm always an artist, like, and that goes with me everywhere. And there's no need to cut off who we are. It's all about just adding and infusing that and then bringing the new things that you learn, the new things of who you are and want to be to this artist-centered self. We we have a stigma around being artists, and it's very weird. And I think I'm like figuring out, especially like at this point in my career and who I am and what I'm trying to do. Like, I don't exactly know exactly how they all fit yet, but I feel like I'm laying some new pieces of foundation that I'm like, okay, what is it gonna be like going and doing a musical with this? What is it gonna be like doing a film? What is it gonna be like executive producing while doing all of this on top of each other?

Lisa Hopkins 28:49

Like and and you're you know, you'll it it doesn't really matter. Like, I mean, it doesn't matter how it fits or if it fits, honestly. Yeah, like our brains are our meaning-making machines, right? So it keeps saying, I wonder how this fits together. It it doesn't matter, it it just is, you know, and and uh I mean curiosity is great, but the trying to figure it out that becomes kind of a paralysis by analysis almost, you know?

SPEAKER_01 29:16

It's like absolutely. It it is just like following following your interest. If you have the privilege to do that and the ability and the bandwidth to try to do multiple things, I think for me, that's what I feel put on this earth to do, is to like really experiment, be that mad scientist, use myself as an instrument of measurement, and then also stay curious and also tell people, like, yeah, you can absolutely go back to school after you've been on Broadway six times. You can absolutely executive produce film if you meet up with the right people and have the uh the energy open and what like you can. Yep. It's just about mindset. Yeah, you make so many choices and sacrifices for this industry to work eight shows a week, to do have only Mondays off. Like it's a choice you make. So it's like you can't boohoo about it too much, but it is a hard one. And the trade-offs are sometimes, you know, more extraordinary than you ever thought that they possibly could be. Yep. And you know, I I definitely found my like sadness come back, like come when we came back. I really did struggle with it. I struggled with the routine, I struggled with the like this is how everything goes. Like I I I did. I I had some rough days there where I was like, my schedule's not my own anymore. I can't just like go do whatever I want. I I don't, I didn't feel as like free. Um, and I think like part of even this moment in my life now is thinking about my COVID time when I was like, oh, I'm gonna throw a protest, oh, I'm gonna go do this movie, I'm gonna go like visit my mom, I'm gonna travel to Greece, I'm gonna uh I'm gonna go to Iceland. Like, I just kind of like was like, I'm just gonna do whatever and I'm gonna figure it out as I go. And it's not going to be perfect or in alignment, like perfect disaligned thing. It's just going to be what feels right next. How do you recharge? Um, I I recharge with laughter. Yeah. Silliness. You know, I am very obsessed with traveling. And that's normally where I'd recharge. But lately it's

Recharge Through Laughter Story And Connection

SPEAKER_01 31:33

been in other people and the moments where we just laugh the most. And going to the theater, I recharge there. Going to see my friends' shows and my friends' productions that they like pour their heart and soul into and are vulnerably putting it out into the world at whatever capacity, I recharge there. I recharge of movies. Uh watching a good story, watching a mediocre story, just watching a story, I'm just going, wow, look at all of the people who showed up to this and who because like now working on many film sets and and TV sets, I just know how many people it takes. You know, I have a different level of appreciation now that I've been on both sides. And I can look at things and go, you know, I I I bet there was a compromise made here, or wow, someone won that war right there. You know, I can see it differently and I have a different appreciation for it, and that's where I feel the most healed.

Lisa Hopkins 32:31

I'm not surprised that that those are the places like laughter and those are probably the the rare places where you're really living in the moment. Because when you're laughing, you know, you can't do anything else but but be there. So it's yeah, it makes sense that those are your pauses if you want, right? Like it does it sounds like you don't need a lot.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

I don't, I love what I do. I don't feel like I need to rest. I feel like I need sleep, but I don't feel like I'm like, ugh, I need to like not be working on this thing or like not learning about this physical computing aspect, or not like I don't, I feel energized by consuming knowledge. It actually really makes me feel more powerful, more like inside of myself, and like I'm having a conversation with myself, my my ancestry, my world, the zeitgeist. Like, I don't have this ache to rest it right now. I'm sure that like in six months, I'm gonna be like, if I don't get a beach, I'm gonna lose my mind. But um I'm like, I rest in knowing that I'm doing my purpose and I'm excited to be able to do what I get to do. I when you're I'm realizing when you're actually feeling good about what you like, what you you're doing, you don't feel as like that skin crawly. I have got to get out of here. I've got to like take time. Like I don't have that same level of like escapism, which is what I had a lot of. I would always be like, I work to travel, you know, like and now I'm like, if I get to travel, great. Like I will I will travel. But if I get to work on things that I love and work with people I love, and if I get to laugh with my partner who's the goofiest person I've ever, ever, ever dated, um, then like I'm good. If I have my dog and, you know, simple days, I have my apartment, which I love. I've created like a little like kind of nest for myself and a place that I feel really confident and comfortable. And as I'm throwing myself into places where I'm very not confident and comfortable, um, and then just kind of seeing what comes, but I realize the more that I'm open, the more that's coming. And I have had so many moments where I was like, nothing's coming, and I'm I'm done. Like I'm like, I'm a goner, like there's no more, there's no more jobs for me. I'm, you know, every every performer. And as you know, like we always think that job is the last job. Yeah, you know, like that was it. That was my ride, you know, and now I'm just like, oh, this new ride is about to be wild. Like who this person is, who I am now, is about to be a totally different monster than anyone has ever seen. And I don't even know who she is yet, but I know that she is totally different or self-expressed in a way that is like what I've always, always truly wanted. Um, and so I'm not, I'm not running to rest. I'm excited to wake up, which for a person who struggles with depression, that's a big deal.

Lisa Hopkins 35:36

That's huge. Yeah, that's huge.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

Yeah, yeah. I found my diagnosis. I started to understand my my brain. I found a partner and I started talking about how my brain works, how just being radically honest. Um, and when I get to be radically honest, I don't have the fear. I have to go into systems that don't want to be honest, and that's fine. We all are participating in those things. We're all participating in the systems. But, you know, when I can find my spaces where I can just be like, first, I don't know. Second, I'm about to potentially fail and not get this whole thing done perfectly. Um, finding places I can actually fail, like in this industry, you can't. But like in learning in academia, the fact that you tried and you're like, because they believe that the learning is in the failing and the trying. Yeah, then I'm like, that's a whole new world of understanding for me.

unknown 36:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

And that opens up a whole different part of my understanding of self and what the process of being a human even is. Nice. Um, so yeah, I don't, I don't know. There's a lot, and I feel like there's a lot like opening, which is another reason why I was like, yeah, I'd love to have this interview with you as I'm like in this big transition expansion time because I'm like, I'm building multiple companies, I'm working on stuff. I'm just kind of like in this interesting place that I feel like at first I was feeling a little ashamed, like, I'm cheating on acting, or I've given up, or I'm doing like like, and I'm like, I'm not giving up because I am auditioning, I'm sending my tapes in, and if they choose the wrong person, that's not my fault. You know, like, you know, like I'm doing the work, like, you know, it just it's lightning in a bottle. I felt so like that imposter syndrome, like, but I think that like I'm starting to get used to the idea of risk and failure, which I really appreciate. And also like, this is my one life, yeah, that I know of, you know, that I'm truly aware of. Like, this is the one, and I'm in it now, and there's no time to really be like, well, because if I I don't want to be one of those people who looks back and goes, God, I wish I just loved harder. I wish I just tried. I wish I just like I don't want to live in regrets. I don't want to, I don't want like a a bus to hit me and go, no, but I never, you know, just you know, like just one more, you know.

Lisa Hopkins 37:58

I don't think you need to worry about that. I think you've got to do that.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

I mean, there's trust me, the list is long, you know, like there's so much more. Um, but I'm also just like really aware of it now. And I have a new, like my my 2026 is a totally different me. And 2025 needed to be as miserable, I guess, as it was in order for me to have an a modicum of solace right now. I will never get over losing my grandmother. Um, I'm mad at her all the time, believing me, she's my favorite person. Um, but also like I feel like she's that extra little push. You know, she's that she went to school again in her 40s. Like, she went back to school and got her master's, and she passed away at 84. So a black woman in the South getting her master's in her 40s, you know, and I'm just like, yes, Nana, like, thank you for being this blueprint and making me feel like just putting a little battery in my back. Yeah, you know, yeah, and sometimes it's like maybe that's also what it is. Maybe it's the people in my life. I've lost a lot of people. I lost my father when I was five years old. I I've lost a lot of my core family, my immediate family in the last like seven, 10 years. And that level of loss, I'm like, I feel like I'm living for them. I feel like they're like just pushing me forward, holding me up, like you're not going to drown. You know, this is this you're living for us, we live through you, you're going to continue. And those are things like that I think about all the time. But I do sometimes think that it is extraterrestrial support that I do get in order to like do all these things and try all these things. And and and even when I go, I have no idea why I applied there, or I have no clue what like I'm like, I'm just doing stuff, but there is a grander plan, and even like I might have it somewhere in here, but I don't I'm not aware enough of it. Yeah, so it's sometimes news to me, and that's exciting.

Lisa Hopkins 40:11

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Whatever you do now today is actually the only thing that truly matters, and that's why I I never say never to anything. I don't say like, oh, I'll never drink again. I say today I woke up and I chose to not drink. I I know I don't know what will happen with my partner, but I'm like, today I chose to be a great girlfriend. Today I chose to be a great partner. Um, today I'm

Radical Honesty Risk And Failing Safely

SPEAKER_01 40:33

choosing to be with them. And that's like it's those daily choices that can bring you into the present moment as opposed to being like, I'm gonna be an actor, I'm gonna be a pop star, I'm gonna be, and like you don't have any room to actually exist in the moment, to actually exist in your body as it is at this moment. I'm like, yeah, I technically have a job that I'm starting in a week. And I'm like, yeah, like if I get like, who knows? Anything could happen. Like, I'm just I'm always like, wow, what's what's on today's menu? Like I'm very like, anything could happen, and I don't really believe it's happening until it has happened, you know. And so I'm not happening until it's happening. Exactly. Like, I am not one of those people who's like, well, I'm gonna go buy my yacht. I got that job, you know, like yeah, no, there's no way. I'm like, we'll see. And then afterwards, when it's all done, and when I'm like packing up my dressing room, I'm like, well, that actually happened from start to finish. Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, that's I'm always I want to be surprised and delighted by life. You know, I don't want to be like, this is how it is, this is how it goes, and this is what I expect. I I had to just ego death, shadow work death of all of my expectations of how things should look, feel, be it, it is gone, you know. And even last year, too, like I did um fertility treatment, I did my egg freezing, and you know, and I was and I was doing that while I was writing my essays for schools for for my master's programs. And you know, you just don't really know what it is, like what it's going to be, but you just kind of have to be like, okay, I would like to see some things in the future. I would like maybe for these things to happen. I want as much optionality as possible. And I want to also investigate who I am. I don't fully know. I know what I've been told, I know what people see me as. But like if I can investigate who and interrogate who I really am, that's only going to deepen me as an artist and as a person existing at this this juncture.

Lisa Hopkins 42:42

Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, you're talking about a a way of becoming into being. And and the being is an ongoing thing, too, right? It's not like a destination, it's a place to come from. I mean, I really believe that. I believe everything is is not about getting somewhere, it's about where you're coming from.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

Yeah, agreed a thousand percent. Yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 43:04

Yeah. If we're sitting here again six years from now, what do you hope we're talking about? What are we celebrating? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

What are we celebrating? We're celebrating we're celebrating that people have gone from being hooked on technology and trapped by technology and fearing technology

Future Hopes Tech And A Personal Renaissance

SPEAKER_01 43:28

to really excited about experiencing connection um in real life.

Lisa Hopkins 43:35

That's really cool. And I'm gonna dig a little bit deeper because what are we celebrating about you? It could be in that respect. You knew I was gonna say that, didn't you? You knew I was gonna say that.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Yes, yes, yes.

Lisa Hopkins 43:47

You're good, we're good to know me.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

Hopefully, we're celebrating my production company that um that bridges artist and technology and creation and production, um, that knocks down a lot of the the gatekeepers and the and demystifies what is possible.

Lisa Hopkins 44:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

I hope we're celebrating that. What else? I hope we're celebrating so many things. I hope that I feel good about existing. You know, I hope that I feel like Still happy to be here existing. You know, I don't I don't always feel that way. Um, and may it's maybe maybe my DNA, my brain chemistry, but I don't always feel like planet Earth is it. I don't.

Lisa Hopkins 44:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

I typically do not. Um, but in fact, but like I would like to be like, you know what? I spent these last six years finding new ways to enjoy my life and new ways to enjoy interpersonal connection and and learn about myself and building things and helping other people build things and telling stories that people are not funding and not putting out out front as they should, in my opinion. Um and I hope that we're celebrating that. I hope that we're celebrating like a renaissance, truly. And I want to be a part of that renaissance. I want to be helping to bridge whatever gaps societally and artistically and technologically that I could potentially fill, which hopefully will be the information that I'm learning now while I'm doing an ephemeral art and doing creative tech, that like I'm going to learn and bridge something very interesting here. Um yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 45:56

Right. And you immediately, yeah. You said, I hope that we're celebrating. Yeah, so there's that. The other piece that stood out really loud to me is when when I said two things. One is when, you know, when you talked about the first thing, right, which wasn't really about you. And then I said, what about you? And it was interesting because then you went totally separate to the you. That's interesting because those are the two circles in your Venn diagram. Because if you see this and you and you want this, you're celebrating this, and you're over here, right? And and you're you're sort of separately celebrating that. That's like siloing it almost. The the two silos become your Venn diagram. Because you know what's in the middle of the Venn diagram?

SPEAKER_01 46:45

Me?

Lisa Hopkins 46:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, for sure. And and yes, I'm a bad celebrator. I'm like, we did it. What what do we need to do now? Let's do the next thing.

Lisa Hopkins 47:01

So you invent a new word for celebration, right? Yeah. What do what are we standing in? What what am I what am I, you know, what am I maybe proud of alive for me.

SPEAKER_01 47:12

Yeah. Alive. Yeah, what's alive for me? What's what am I proud of? Yeah. I think it would be like what I can take pride in. Yeah. You know, because I think my pride and integrity are kind of interwoven in a lot of ways. True. And I think like, yeah, that would be, yeah. What am I proud of? The projects, what projects am I proud of? And the people who I'm around and like the bonds that I've created and curated. Um, because like also as a person who's neurodivergent, like it can be very lonely. It can be, it can seem like very like, oh, we're very outgoing, or you know, it for some of us, especially the Audi HD girly is like you seem you know, very outgoing. You can have like you can seem like you're very confident and all this stuff, but it's like that's called masking. And what's really happening is like a lot of isolation.

Lisa Hopkins 48:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Um, and so, you know, learning for me to like better incorporate people into my life and into my inner world, um, sharing more about myself, like like this.

Lisa Hopkins 48:22

Not better, not better, just differently.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

Differently, yes, differently. Sorry. No, no, I've reached look, I need a reframe all the time. So I'll take it. I will take it. Um, but yeah, to be doing things differently with the with what I know now.

Lisa Hopkins 48:39

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

unknown 48:42

Yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 48:42

Yeah. What would young Crystal be proud of?

SPEAKER_01 48:51

Oh gosh, I think she'd be proud of so much. Like she she really, really, really, really wanted to be on Broadway. And she never cared about awards for accolades or like, you know, I'm not

Inner Child Work Smartness And Magic

SPEAKER_01 49:03

good at campaigning. I'm not good at this stuff. I'm not good at the politics of like, you know, trying to win awards, and it is political. And like, but she wanted to do the thing. And the fact that I've done the thing six times over and thousands of performances, I think she'd be so proud of that. But I think she'd be even more proud of the fact that like I travel and that's what my family always wanted to do is travel. And that's what I was born doing. And my grandmother was a huge traveler. Um, and I think she'd be proud of she'd be proud of the fact that I when I was a kid, I would say something traumatic or hard would happen. I just had this wherewithal where I'd say, I'm gonna deal with this when I am older, successful, and can handle it. And I put it under this rug. I mean, I'd be like 10 years old, like being like, and I would watch this little rug like get higher and higher. And then once I finally like went to therapy and started like on spiritual journeys and things like that, I would be like, okay, time to take this from under the rug, time to take this out, and I would watch the the like mound under the rug go down. Now, this is I'm very woo-woo, but like now you're gonna hear it. But it would, it was like I could see this version of myself talking to my young version of myself, like, I'm gonna take care of you. Just get through right now. This might be hard, but get through right now because I'm gonna make sure that you're okay. And then I've had to do that and like find myself in that vision or that parallel universe, yeah, like quantum leap jump, and be like, yes, I'm the one that takes care of my younger self. And I'm the one that that makes sure that she feels like she's protected, she's allowed to continue to exist, that she is like good, and that everything that she endured or didn't understand um was worth it to become this person. Like, I think she's proud of who we are, and the fact that I came back and I I want to mother her and tend to her and be there for her, and I never forgot her, and I never forget her. And so, like walking with her all the time feels like yeah, that she that that she that she was never forgotten. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lisa Hopkins 51:29

Well, and she trusted that, didn't she? Truly. I mean, she knew that you would take care of her. She just believed that. That's interesting. What's one thing would I don't think it's woo-woo at all either, by the way. I think it's really valuable. Um what's one thing that you would say to her now that you think she might want to hear?

SPEAKER_00 51:53

Oh, you're smart. You're smart. You are so smart. I was told I was pretty.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

I was told I was a good dancer, a good singer. I wasn't really told I was smart all the time. Like or often or ever, really, you know. I would tell her to trust how smart she is and to lean into it. Like every curiosity, every book just continue. Like continue to be curious and ravenous at the same time.

Lisa Hopkins 52:37

Yeah. Yeah. What's What's something that she might say to you that you'd like to hear right now?

SPEAKER_01 52:55

I think she might say I think she I was like, let me just listen. Let me like let me bend down and listen to her whisper to me in my ear. And and she's like, she just said, Don't forget that there's also magic.

SPEAKER_00 53:20

Don't forget that there's also magic.

Lisa Hopkins 53:26

I love that. How do you interpret that?

SPEAKER_01 53:31

I don't know, as a kid I like love I don't love fantasy. I um no matter how serious or clinical or like much I'm like, I want to uncode the world, you know. Um and just like, but then at the same time to believe and just like to to always keep my mind attuned to the magical, unquantifiable things that exist. You know, and what in whatever realm that is, whether that be science or the arts or love or whatever relationships, like there's always something mystical and poetic and a force that we don't know or understand operating. And there's and it's something to tap into, it's something to understand, it's something to build on. And um, and like I can't forget that like there's just magic everywhere, and that like I'm made of magic, I have magic.

Lisa Hopkins 54:32

You know what's really interesting about what she told you? She said, Don't this is my my take on it. You tell me what you think. She said, Don't forget. Like it was a reminder, yep, that that there's there's always magic. It's really interesting because the way I heard it was you don't have to do everything. You don't have to try so hard that there is magic as well.

SPEAKER_00 54:59

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

I think that too. No, that's a beautiful reminder as well, and way to look at that and interpret that. And I think that that's very true. Like I don't have to do everything, and I don't have to do everything by myself, but it's a lot.

Lisa Hopkins 55:19

Um yeah, yeah, leaving the space for beautiful. The divine, yeah. Yeah. All right. So most people think, and I'm gonna have you finish this. Um, most people think crystal joy brown is, but the truth is.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

Um most most people think that crystal joy brown is

Labels Diva Assumptions And Being Misread

SPEAKER_00 55:50

a what vivaceous diva, maybe?

Lisa Hopkins 55:55

It's funny in my head. I said, I wonder if she's gonna say diva.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

Uh-huh. Yeah. And the truth is she is a extraordinarily humble nerd. Yeah, who overthinks everything. I mean, as a black woman who, you know, might be determined as pretty, like, just gets a certain level of a wrap. Like, there's not a lot of like me expressing and showing who I am. I can walk into a room and and say a million beautiful things, and people will hear it completely the opposite of what I thought I was saying, you know, and and the feelings of being misunderstood are so strong in me. Um, which is why I'm enjoying being in school because I'm like, I can just play and I people are gonna have preconceived notions of me, absolutely, but I care a lot less. Um yeah. And and yeah, sometimes I get really frustrated at like how little people know of me, but I'm also like, I was always very uncomfortable sharing very much. I'm like, I'm good one-on-one, but like when I'm with a lot of people, I want to keep it more. I I mean, I've been burned, so I I think I've I've been like a little bit more like I come here, I do work, I leave. Yeah, you know, like I do my job, I get out of here. My friends are some in theater, but mostly in other things, you know, it's not just I don't have just this world.

Lisa Hopkins 57:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

Um and so that like space has maybe created like some, well, who's who is she? And I think some people are also like, who does she think she is? You know, because I'm like, Oh, sure. Yeah, I do this now, I do that now. I'm like, I I don't, I don't ever, I've never played by anyone's rules. Like, I've never considered myself just a theater person. I've never considered myself one thing. Um, and I think my resume speaks to that. But I think that was very hard for some people to like be like, well, why don't you just focus on one thing? And I'm like, because that's not my existence. It's just not.

Lisa Hopkins 57:55

Yeah. Yeah. No, and it's at the end of the day, it's really it, it's it's only what you think about yourself. I mean, when you do look in the mirror, like really look in the mirror, not see what you look like, but to ask yourself, you know, was I the me that I wanted to be today? Yeah. You know, I mean, you know, and and and sleep to sleep well knowing that people are always gonna think something.

SPEAKER_01 58:19

Yes.

Lisa Hopkins 58:19

And the more successful you are, the more, the more of it you're gonna hear.

SPEAKER_01 58:24

Yeah. People want to cast me as like the the diva. I was so happy to play Eliza because I was like, ah, the sweet, like, yeah, you know, um, and and I'm like, and like being the heart, you know, and then doing doing um my best friend's wedding and playing the Julia Roberts role in that. Like that was just like so great. And just being kind of like a full-fledged human being. And I think this next role, which I don't want to talk about it yet because like we're still working everything out, but like this next role kind of has both like she's a diva, but she's also like very self-aware. And there's I mean, there's diva components, but like she's also like, I know how people see me, I know what I really am. And breaking that like facade is actually a big part of the character, which I love.

Lisa Hopkins 59:11

Yeah, cool. Well, I'm excited about that. Hey, um, we're gonna do a rapid fire. So I say, what makes you? And then I'm just gonna say a word and you say whatever comes to your mind. Okay. All right. What makes you hungry? Nothing. What makes you sad?

SPEAKER_01 59:35

How people treat each other.

Lisa Hopkins 59:37

What

Rapid Fire Gratitude And Closing

Lisa Hopkins 59:38

inspires you?

SPEAKER_00 59:42

How people can treat each other. What makes you frustrated?

SPEAKER_01 59:50

Archaic systems.

Lisa Hopkins 59:53

What makes you frustrated in um in a small way, like in uh in your day-to-day life?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

I would say Oh, not enough hours in the day. Fair enough. What makes you laugh? Like watching my partner and my mom together. What makes you angry? Knowing that we could be doing better in all facets. Yeah. And finally, what makes you grateful? My family, my friends, and myself.

unknown 1:00:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

I'm grateful that I have pushed myself and grown myself and grateful that my family did everything that they could, and then I took it from here. You know, I took it from there.

Lisa Hopkins 1:00:39

Mm-hmm. Love that. What are the top three things that happened so far today?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:45

Oh, yeah. Um, working on this project with my my uh classmates was really, I mean, it wasn't necessarily fun. It was like I'm just I just love listening to smart people talk about complicated things and concepts. Uh, we have an offer on this house. That's great, I guess. I mean, in some realm it's great, but uh in my spirit, it's horrible. Um and that my dog keeps trying chiping in here, just like, hey, are we what are we doing today? Um just my dog, like he's just the the sweetest, and he's been super cuddly lately, um, and a little bit grumpy. And every day he's just like such a blessing. And like I knowing that nothing is infinite, like every moment with him, I'm just like, thank you for being here for me. Thank you for being my like little companion. What's his name? AJ. AJ A Y.

Lisa Hopkins 1:01:45

A Jesus. I love it. That's so cute. And what are you most looking forward to today? And then big picture.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:58

I'm most looking forward to finishing my homework. And then the future, I look forward to staying present. Because I honestly, like, as much as I'm like, yeah, future, like, I have no idea. You know, like I have this very fast and loose relationship with reality and time. So like I'm like, move the future. You keep asking me future questions, and I'm like, um, I love it. But yeah, uh a future that feels a future that feels more democratic and not just not talking like voting, but actually like in art, in art creation, gatekeeping, in um, and building in feeling like people feeling empowered to use their voices. I look forward to the words that mean so much to us actually having the meaning and being upheld to the meaning that they are.

Lisa Hopkins 1:02:56

Yeah. Yes. Amen. I love that. Crystal, I cannot thank you enough. I'm so glad we did this.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:03

Me too. Uh thank you so much. God, I needed that. Like it was a little therapy session for me. I was like, When yeah, I should probably look at it that way. I just want to think about that. Yep. I see what you're saying. So, yes, girl. Yes, I agree.

Lisa Hopkins 1:03:16

No worries. Yeah. And yeah, I apologize if I no, I don't. That's what I do. But I love it. You know, yeah. Um, yeah, it's been it's been fabulous. I've been speaking today with Crystal Joy Brown. Stay safe and healthy, everyone, and remember to live in the moment. In music, stop on it's that beautiful moment with a bandit suspended rhythmic unit supporting the followers to express their individuality. In the moment, I encourage you to take that slide until next time, and we start.