Body language is super important when it comes to communication and social skills. How you present yourself should be on you mind when you talk to people. We talk about how you can improve your vocal tonality and how you can improve your posture and also I talk about one of the most important lessons from Dale Carnegie.
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Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
Body language is super important when it comes to communication and social skills. How you present yourself should be on you mind when you talk to people. We talk about how you can improve your vocal tonality and how you can improve your posture and also I talk about one of the most important lessons from Dale Carnegie.
Help buy my beer ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome back to the social skills podcast. This is episode number two. I am your host, Nathan Ament. Last week, I just gave a little introduction to the podcast just went over what we're going to some of the things we're going to cover in the following episodes. And at the end of the podcasts, I also recommended picking up a book, How to Win Friends, and influence, and win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. So I hope you did that. Hope you read it twice. If you haven't, why haven't you? I'm just joking. But yeah, it's a good place to start. I going to recommend quite a lot of books. So put them on your list to read. And something good to do during our quarantine. Because we are in a pandemic situation, which might be weighing heavily on your mind, like how am I going to go out and practice these skills. I mean, we're in a quarantine true. And, but there's always opportunities to practice your social skills. And if not, then you can always read in research and learn as much as you can. And then maybe take some notes, some things you want to really work on. That way you can be ready to go once things get back to normal. And she got always got to take more responsibility. And really take action, anything you can do to move forward because we're all on this podcast. So that's what we're going to be doing. We're always moving forward. Actually, that's not sure I saw that. But I was when I was thinking about doing the podcast, and I was like getting some ideas. And I was like, should I do this? Should I not do it. And then I just saw somewhere, you always got to be moving forward. And I was like, You know what, that's it, I'm doing it and I signed it up, got it really just went from one step to the next. I just got mode, I don't know, I just got motivated by that always be moving forward. So maybe that'll be the overarching theme of this show. I want to remind you that I believe that social skills is the most important skills, the most important skill you can learn. I think it just opens so many new worlds, to you. And it's really, it's entirely on you because no one's gonna learn this stuff for you. You really have to go out there and do it yourself. It takes a lot of courage sometimes to do just to step out of your comfort zone. But that's what that's what makes you grow as a person. I think that's what actually life might be about is just growing as a person, it makes it more enjoyable. You just discover so many new things when you grow. Just real quick on the on the book that I recommended. The other thing I got out of that book that I thought the How to Win Friends and Influence People. One of the things that said in there was it said I see. I want to get this quote, right. It said so Dale Carnegie said to be hardy in your app probation and lavish in your praise. So approbation just means praise, will say praise or approval. So just means give more people. I would say it's one way to say give more compliments, but I would say to actually be very genuine as well. I mean, don't just give people compliments just to give them out because that it's not genuine just doesn't come across, right. But like let's say for instance, you're at a you're at a restaurant, and it's like the best steak you've ever had in your life. You know, maybe on the way out, you know, just yell out in the kitchen. Hey, that was the best steak I've ever had. Thanks a lot of guys or something like that. I'll give you an actual example of this. When I first read the book Friend of mine was also reading the same book, I think he was, but we had been talking about it. And we went to a restaurant, like a bar restaurant called BJs. And we were talking about the book, and we both were white. When we got there, we had ordered, I ordered, like, a certain type of beer. And he ordered a certain type of beer and the, and the waiter said, Oh, hey, guys, I'm sorry. But we don't have either one of those on tap. Can you guys pick something else? And I was like, Oh, I was like, Yeah, I guess I'll have this other one. And my friend like, okay, yeah, I'll have this. And that was like, I was like, Can we get it for free since I was just kind of joking around? And he's like, sorry, no. And I was like, and I said, Well, is there any chance I could talk to the manager? And like, I wasn't saying it in a in a douchebag. way. I was just kind of like, nonchalantly saying it. I wasn't saying it angrily. And he said, My manager is actually in a really bad mood. Are you sure you want to talk to him? I'm like, yeah. And so he left, and he probably didn't want to have to do it. But hey, I just wanted to try something out. Because I was reading this book. And I told my friend, I'm like, I was like, Hey, I'm gonna see if I could get our beers for free. Just half joking. So the manager, after a couple minutes, he walks over. He's like, how's it going, guys? And I was like, I was like, Yeah, I just want to let you know that. Me and my friend here we come here. You know, it was a relatively new restaurant that just opened up maybe a couple months ago. I said, Hey, I just want to let you know, me and my friend, we come here relatively often. And I just want to let you know, this place is really cool. I like the vibe here. You guys have really good beer here. And yeah, we just swell. You know, we really like coming here. And he's like, he smiled. Like, he looked like he was like, tired. And he's like, Oh, hey, cool. Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it. And he leaves. And then the waiter came back, like a couple minutes later with our beers. And he's like, he's like, I don't know what he did. But he said, these are free. My friend. So yeah, we got him for free. And my friends, his jaw, like dropped. He's like, holy cow. He's like, I can't believe that worked. And I was like, I was shocked to that it worked. And I actually wasn't even trying to get a free beer. At that point, I was just wanted to say, Hey, I'm going to give this guy some praise, because I do really like the place. And we did come there a lot. And we'd really like to be here. So I just wanted like, I don't know, I just wanted to try the giving some probation out. So I mean, and this was really early on when I was learning this stuff. So I think it was just monumental to me that, wow, this just learning social skills. It pays off in a lot of different ways that you don't quite expect. And it just sometimes it just works really well. It's really counterintuitive. That's kind of why I think some of this stuff works really well. So it just like I was like I was hooked on like, I'm just gonna keep on learning as much as I can. And yeah, so it's been quite a journey. So I've also just kept, you know, kept up that spirit of giving genuine compliments. Like, if I was at a, like, let's see if I was a club and that DJ is playing is any play that was playing really well. I always made it a point to like, you know, if I was still around, I saw like after he got off the decks. Like if I saw him by the bar, I would just be like, Hey, man, it was really good set. And I'm gonna be asked to DJs love hearing that shit. So he was I've met a lot of people just from doing that. Just giving genuine compliments about things that I actually enjoy. I'll give you another story about that. There is a What's it called? Oh, bevmo by where I live. And they sell like wine and beer and stuff like that. It's pretty big place. And so I went there one Sunday morning to go get a beer because I was gonna be watching some football later. And I noticed next to the beer refrigerators, there was this little setup of like a little wine tasting booth. And those are there was this middle aged guy there. And he just called out to me He's like, hey, do you want to? You want to try some wine tasting, it's only a nickel. And I wasn't really a wine guy. But when he said nickel on like, Well, why not all this track? And so but he had like, no, no joke. He had like 12 bottles of wine for a nickel to taste in, like, that's a lot. That's a lot of wine. So he, I could tell right away that he was passionate about wine. And he really went through each one talked a lot about it. And he told me that he does is he's there, they started doing this every, every Sunday or something. And you know, it was really close to my house. And I and I, and I caught a nice buzz. So and I don't know, it was just an enjoyable thing probably lasted about 25 minutes or something like that I was there for a bit. And I felt like I'm like, yeah, you know, I learned something here about wine. And I did taste some wines, I thought they were actually pretty good. So I made it a point to whenever I remembered to try to get over there. And next and know that every week, more and more people would be there. And this guy had a ton of wine out every time and I started actually buying some wines and trying them out. And like I taught me a lot. And I remember, I think after like two months, three months, I was like, Man, this this is this is it. This is really cool. I really liked doing this. I made it a point to start going when I you know more often. And I just wrote and I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna write an email to bevmo. So I wrote an email, talking about how I, you know, really like, how this guy got me into wine, and I'm buying wine. And this guy knows what, like he's really passionate about it. And I really enjoyed the experience of blah, blah, blah, blah. I was just really genuine. And then. So I emailed her off and I I forgot about it. And then the next time I went in there, he pulled me aside, he's like, Hey, I guess they sent me a copy of your email. And I just went like, No, man, I really appreciate doing that. That's, that was really nice to you. And I was like, Oh, yeah, no problem. I mean, it was something that took me about 10 minutes to write. Not a big deal. But it's doing stuff like that. I think it goes a long way. Just because for one, almost no one does it. So you can really make a real big impact by doing stuff like that. Okay, so let's jump into the next topic. Let's talk about body language. So last week, I mentioned something about how people when they communicate, the words are actually not the biggest part of the communication. The biggest part of communication is your vocal tonality and your body language. I mean, it's like it's like, overwhelmingly more important. So it's like, maybe 90% of your communication is your body language and vocal tonality. tonality? Who knows exactly exactly what the percentage is, but the words itself are not actually nearly as important as those two other things. So what should you do? You should really focus a lot of efforts on improving your body language and improving your vocal tonality. For one, I mean, just enunciating your words better. Or if you talk too quietly, there's so many times where I've been talking to someone and they talk to quietly and I've, I've mentioned to them, Hey, I can't really hear you can you speak up a little bit? And I swear after two times of that, and they don't really speak louder, I just give up. I don't really, I don't like saying it over and over again. I just stopped talking to him. And then so enunciate, in your words, let's, let's say I mean, there's all different types of exercises you can do for better pronunciation. Let's say like just focal lot of vocal exercises, I'm not really want to get into a lot of them. But I mean, one thing I would I actually did for a while is I made a playlist of songs that I like to sing along to. And I'm and any time I drove somewhere, maybe like once a day or every other day, I'd make it a point to sing along with the songs like really into it. I think that actually helped in some ways, some of what I'm talking about. So let's talk about well, I guess let's keep talking about vocal tonality. There's this book I read called change your voice change your life by I mean, let me get this guy straight. What is it? Okay, the book is called Yeah, change your voice change your life by Dr. Martin Cooper. It says, He shows you how to develop your natural, dynamic voice. And it's weird, like, it seems like the most important part of the book was on like two pages. But he talked about all these people he helped. I don't know, maybe he's just trying to stretch the book out. But basically, it was like, people are talking from the wrong part of their vocal cords, they're talking from like, either too high, or I don't know that. And it puts a like a real strain on your voice. So you should be talking from like, I don't know, just pick up the book, it describes it better. But basically, like, when I am trying to like, get into that space of where I just like, kind of like, pound on the top of my chest. And I go, you're basically just like humming, and then that's where you want to be speaking from is like that hump where you would hum from so and it's kind of like in like, just picture like, you're you're putting on a face mask, that's kind of where all your tonality is actually going to come from, it puts a lot less strain on your vocal cords. I don't know, I thought, I think it works pretty well. Relax your, your mouth and your tongue by like, writing your name inside your cheeks, like every letter, like fully kind of stretches out your tongue just you just write out the letters of your name inside your mouth, it kind of loosens up your tongue. And then I'll do the like the ni nine no new nom nom nom. I'll do that over and over again, really pronounced. And I'll do that a lot. If I'm like going to an interview. Or if I'm going to go out to meet up with some friends or something like that. I just want to make sure that I don't know. It's just kind of like you're getting ready for performance, you want your voice to sound good. And when it sounds good. People, I guess people like to listen to it more than if it sounded crappy. Okay, another big thing about body language is your eye contact. So the eye contact thing is let me just say that there's like levels of eye contact, there's like two little eye contact, and there's too much eye contact. I met this kid wants up in Alaska, I was working with him. He had some buddies from Sacramento, so we just kind of hit it off. And but every time I talked to him, I just noticed it like the guy would just like full on like, just too much eye contact. And it always just, I don't know, I guess too much eye contact, it kind of creates tension. And that's not necessarily the effect you want. And I've noticed that after a while my eye contact, I got much more comfortable with it. And sometimes I'm I'm just so comfortable with it, then like sometimes I think to myself, maybe like, I should probably break some eye contact when I'm talking to this person sometimes because I don't know, I think just too much is too much. And also get a full length mirror. So pick up, I mean, you could get a mirror at Walmart or Home Depot for like 10 bucks, pretty cheap. It's a good way to practice your eye contact, like I just did in my bathroom mirror. But also having a full length mirror is really important when you're trying to like work on your body language, but the full length mirror. So the eye contact thing, when I first was like, read that I need to work on my eye contact. I just like would look in the mirror and look at myself. And I noticed that I was not comfortable. Even having eye contact with myself at first I'm like holy cow, I can't even keep eye contact with myself. It was kind of it was a an awakening moment that my eye contact was probably pretty crappy. So you know, you just get used to looking at yourself in the mirror. Good way to practice eye contact without having to work on doing it to someone else. And then but, you know, you'll learn real quick that there's I mean, you don't want to like look creepy. So that's a good reason to have a mirror to practice in marriage because you don't want to have what they call the Manson lamps. Like, I don't know if you ever saw the sopranos. But Tony Soprano's, always making fun of Richie, this Guy Ritchie, he'd get pissed off and he would just like look at him He's like, and he would say you don't Give me with those Manson lamps. Like Charles Manson. So, and let me I just want to tell you real quick that I met. I made friends with this girl, like a long time ago when I was learning this stuff. And she told me, she told me that. So you know, when I first met you, I thought you were like, Matt, you were like, mad, or something like mad at me or mad. I'm like, What do you mean, she's like, I don't know, whenever we were talking, like, you just seemed like, you might be mad about something. And I was thinking, like, I was, like, mad. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, just trying to be a good listener and like listening, but like, I guess, when I was really trying to be like, focused listener, I had this like, resting bitchface, or something like that? I don't know. I don't know. So I was like, holy cow, I need to work on this. So, you know, that's one of the times when I really started, like, trying to understand what my facial expressions were doing when I was looking in the mirror. So it's like, it's, I guess you could just call it doing mirror work. And I've heard that, like, actors will do a lot of mirror work, when they're trying to understand exactly the expressions they are making. There's no really other way to know exactly what expressions you're always doing. And always, to know exactly how you look, you can assume you know what you look like. But unless you do a lot of mirror work, you're not really going to know. So I mean, don't just work on your, you know, you know, your resting icontact work on other expressions to in the mirror know exactly what you look like. I guess another thing too, you could practice on in the mirror is smiling. So I know that sometimes when I, when I was smiling in the mirror, I basically looked like an insane person, and doesn't really work to show doesn't really work to work on your smile, unless it's a genuine smile. But at least you know what your genuine smile looks like. My friend told me the other day, too, that he likes doing the half smile. It's kind of like a smirk. But not really, I guess there's like a level of either being like a smug asshole, which you don't want to do. But a genuine smirk or half smile can be like, Oh, yeah, this is pleasant. This is, you know, amusing, fun, or something like that. And that can work really well as a good tip for working on your posture is to just put your back against a wall and just try to straighten up as much as possible. Kind of like you have a string on the very top of your head being pulled straight up, that's genuinely genuine, that I can't see that word. That's generally the way you want your posture to be. I know that some times people who are like tall. Well, sometimes if they're, over time, they'll develop a slouch like they're trying to compensate, talking to people who are shorter than them. So if you're tall, just be aware that sometimes you might inadvertently be slouching. It's not necessarily you don't want to ever be slouching, it's just not, it's not good for your back for one, but it doesn't communicate confidence. And a lot of this stuff that we're talking about, around body language is to convey more confidence. Because people like talking to people who are confident, it just makes everyone feel better, because you're basically putting off a vibe. It's like, what vibe Do you want to put off. So keep that in mind, too. That's a real big thing I learned was that it's kind of all this socializing, when you're socializing. You want to really have be putting off a good positive vibe. It just it just makes everything go really well. Another thing too, is when you think about is your cell phone, everyone's got a cell phone nowadays. So what do we do when we're, you know, scrolling through our phone, or basically our head is pointing down? And it's like, not necessarily good for our back or neck. And, you know, we've had cell phones for like, 10 years now or whatever, what's gonna, what, what's your neck and your back gonna look like, in 20 years, 15 years, when you keep looking straight down. So try to a either not do it as much, or maybe start doing some yoga. Like I did yoga. It's been a while, so that didn't get done yoga, but I did yoga for a couple years. And I would say it is it is amazing. It really helps your posture. It's good for your back. I've been going up a chiropractor lately. I heard that that can help with your posture. So I've been doing that. Also I hurt my back. So I don't know some people are on the fence of if chiropractors are good or not. I'm on the other side, I think they're good. So you can take that advice with however you want. Another thing too, is working out, when you start going to the gym. When you start building muscles, your posture also improves. So, obviously, everyone should be working out. I mean, it's hard right now, because there's a quarantine. But if you work out, you're obviously going to start feeling better, and you'll communicate better. And they really do go hand in hand. And I mean, I guess I don't have to tell you that you should be working out and exercising. That just kind of goes without saying. But if you're trying to improve yourself overall, then a that's a big one that can help you feel better really quickly. I don't know if I said earlier, but if I didn't, I recommend picking up a book on body language. The one I read was it was body language for Dummies. I just came across it in a bookstore, Mike Oh, yeah. For Dummies book. I like for dummies books. Makes me feel smart. Because I could read it real quick. And I know I'm always been the person. I don't like reading books. Okay. So when I recommend these books, just know that I don't like reading books, but I like these books so much that I've I devoured them. Okay, so that is a really good book. I've read it. I've read it a couple times. It really helped me be aware of my body language, I learned so much more about body language just from that book. I read another book, too. I don't remember what it was. But I thought that the the for body language for dummies was was way better. And it is. Let me give a little credit to who it is written by it's written by Elizabeth conky was written in 2015. And yeah, it's a great book. So I recommend I recommend reading that I remember someone will ask me. Someone asked me, oh, hey, if you've been losing weight, and like I was like, No, my posture is just better. So that's one of the benefits of having better body language and better posture. You You, you will look like he lost 10 pounds. So let's see next week. We are going to talk about maybe meeting how to meet new people and also what to talk about when you're actually talking to someone. It's actually a pretty big topic. People are like, Well, what do I talk about? Well, guess what, there's a lot to talk about. So and we'll be talking about that next week. So I just want to say thank you to everyone for listening this week. And please subscribe to the channel and tell your friend and we will see you next week. Take care