Sometimes you just F-up and have to apologize. If you aren't messing up then you aren't pushing yourself hard enough, so it's kind of a two way street. So this week we cover apologizing for when you miss the mark. Just make sure you aren't one of those people who apologize for every little thing. That can be annoying. We also go a little deeper into having a 'Good Vibe' because when you have a good vibe then you conversations go so much better than if you are putting off zero vibe. It's basically having a cool energy about you and it helps when you are in a playful and fun mood!!
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
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Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
Sometimes you just F-up and have to apologize. If you aren't messing up then you aren't pushing yourself hard enough, so it's kind of a two way street. So this week we cover apologizing for when you miss the mark. Just make sure you aren't one of those people who apologize for every little thing. That can be annoying. We also go a little deeper into having a 'Good Vibe' because when you have a good vibe then you conversations go so much better than if you are putting off zero vibe. It's basically having a cool energy about you and it helps when you are in a playful and fun mood!!
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! - Nathan. : D
Hey, welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back to another episode of the social skills podcast. I'm your host, Nathan Ament. This is episode number nine. Looking over at the summit, the podcast statistics like we got people tuning in from all over the world, which is very cool. So quick shout out to Brampton, Ontario. Langley, British Columbia, goose Creek, South Carolina, Washington, Virginia, Auckland, Auckland. I'm not even sure where that is. Vienna, Vienna, Brisbane, Queensland, Blackheath, England, that sounds like a cool place. Blackheath, San Jose, California, I just stayed a couple nights out there this week. And Minneapolis, Minnesota. Thank you guys for tuning in. Appreciate it. Let's see here. Last week, we talked a little bit about what is a friend, and also the social circle. So quick note on what is a friend, we basically just kind of defined it in its most simplest terms, it's someone with whom you share with him. So I keep having no trouble saying this is someone with whom you regularly share positive emotions with, I thought it was just a good idea to bring that up. Because I think with social media, like Facebook, and stuff like that, where you have like maybe 500, or 1000, friends or on Facebook, I think that definition of friend kind of got watered down a little bit. So I kind of just want to do a quick definition of what a close friend was. That way just when you start talking to more people, and then you start making more connections and maybe start hanging out with them, then you actually know that if you start hanging out with someone pretty regularly you're having a really good time with and they actually might start actually, that's probably what a friend really is just someone with whom you actually start hanging out with pretty regularly. Basically, someone who just you really click with, and you'll know, you'll know, if you click with them, like do you want to hang out with them, and they want to hang out with you, like the dynamic of the relationship is pretty balanced. It's not like you putting in all the effort, if you're the one that's always calling them, they never call you ever. It's kind of a bad dynamic. In my opinion, I usually just move on, meet some other people and eventually meet someone else's pretty close. Just the people that your personality like really clicks with. It just takes a while. So but you know, just talking to a bunch of people in itself, to me was enjoyable. So it's not like, at first it's kind of difficult, but after a while, it's not like it's work or anything. It's it's actually it's it does end up being kind of fun. But you do have to. That's why I always say just make sure you keep talking to people. I've been putting pushing conversations more and more, even when you have a mask on and stuff and you're just talking to people at the store, or out at work on the job sites or whatever. I always just start conversations with people and I don't know, I think life would be pretty boring. If you didn't talk to anyone. All day long. All week long. It's uh, yeah, just keep trying it out. Keep doing it. Keep practicing reading books on it and stuff like that watching videos. We're going to just keep tackling it at different angles, you'll get it eventually it'll start to click. We also talked about a social circle. We talked about. I mean, we talked about like the myth of the social circle, like the group, the friend group. I'm thinking maybe like, probably, maybe there was friend groups in like college and the dorms and stuff because you lived right next to him. But as you get older, you don't all live in the same place. Everyone's social circles unique to them pretty much like everybody has a different group of friends than intertwine. Some people might have like a lot of friends in common, but there's no I have never met anyone that has the exact same same friends as the next person. It's pretty intertwined. So you could pretty much just meet people and start to meet their friends and then their friends of friends and stuff like that. Just don't force it if you meet some if you're hanging out with a group of people And as one thing I do is I try to talk to everyone in the group, make sure you get around everyone, introduce yourself to everyone. Keep going back and talking each person. But sometimes you'll encounter a person that's like, I don't know, not just not too friendly, or they might just be too shy or something like that. I'll give them a couple chances. But sometimes they just don't. I really don't push it. I don't, I don't try to force a good conversation on anyone. If someone's just not interested in talking, I just don't talk to him to talk to the next person. Don't force it. Don't believe that there's a myth of a one group of people that is impenetrable, like everybody has everyone that I've met anyway, as always, totally open to having more friends. Okay, so let's talk about the topic of this week apologizing. And it realized when I first started trying to socialize more that one thing I was, you know, when you start to have more conversations with people, you'll pretty quickly get bored of some of the mundane topics that you might have started with, like, I don't know, sometimes, even today else, I'll occasionally start talking about the weather to someone. But I'll instantly realize I'm like, Oh, crap, I'm talking about the weather, I need to get off this as soon as possible. But basically, it will start to push conversations more and more and more to the edge of you know, what is so socially acceptable, basically, like, if you watch like some of the top comedians, you'll see that they're, some of the funniest comedians are pushing the edge of, I don't know, just socially, just, I don't know, they're just basically pushing the topics to the very, very edge to being extremely offensive. But that's kind of like how it is. When you, when you're just having conversations with people, the more the more you kind of push it to the outer boundaries of what's normal. You can easily go a little too far, or be rude or be like, I don't know. But eventually, you start having so many conversations, eventually, eventually you're gonna stumble, say something wrong or messed up. And you're gonna be like, Oh, crap, I shouldn't have said that. This is not to be confused with with people who are constantly apologizing, because there's definitely a there's definitely a lot of people out there that will apologize too much. Like they'll constantly apologizing about stuff that's either, like, very, very minor, or just like, there's no reason to apologize at all. I could kind of use the analogy of like, let's say I ran over your dog. Okay, that is definitely something that you want to apologize for. That's a major thing. But you know, if it's like, just like, I don't know, some people that just apologize over the like the stupidest minor thing, not that it's stupid, but you know, it's one thing, or you just think, think to yourself, if you're apologizing multiple times a week, you're probably apologizing too much like, I mean, unless you're like a super asshole. But I don't know, just make sure you're not apologizing too much. I usually don't apologize unless it's something that if it's something that's kind of minor, I'll just be like, Oh, yeah, that's all my bad. I didn't mean to do that. Short and sweet. But if it's something like, I don't know, your offense, you said something offensive, then yeah, you should be apologizing to it to someone because I don't know. I think it just better for you. It kind of gets that moment off your shoulders, you can move on, they can move on or whatever. One thing I noticed, though, is like if I say something, if I did something that was kind of messed up, and I recognize it right away, you could apologize for it right then. And maybe that's the best thing to do. But sometimes I'll be I'll just be like, you know what, I could tell they're pretty pissed off, I'm gonna actually wait one or two days before I bring it up again, and then apologize for that, that seemed to actually go over better. They're like more in a headspace to accept an apology as opposed to apologizing, like five minutes after it happened. It's almost like you might have to even apologize for it again. So I'll just wait a couple days. And this is just my opinion, I might be wrong about this. I might be wrong about a lot of the stuff I talked about. But in my experience, I'm just giving you the best perspective I have from my own personal experience. So just take it with a grain of salt. I mean for something for one situation might be completely wrong for different situation. Like there's different levels, or these things happen at and something might apply in one situation. And in a similar situation. You think it'd be the same thing, but you actually might need to tweak it a little bit. It's kind of confusing, but I hope you enjoy Get what I'm talking about. There's this scene from the doubt a Ching. When the wind blows, it blows. When it stops, it stops. And that's I apply that to like, apologizing. I just keep it short and sweet. I apologize, keep it at that don't make a lot of excuses. That can really watered down your apology if you start making all these excuses of why you did it. So don't do that. Just keep it to the point. Alright, let's talk about vibe, having a positive vibe. Now, we've talked about this a couple times, I was thinking about, it's just a real big topic to me, because it seems to be where you can really make the most impact in your conversations is by bringing a positive vibe to the conversation. I remember one time I went to this club, it was my friend. He was a promoter. And he was doing like a Thursday night at this club downtown. And so I went there. And when I saw him, I was like, Hey, what's up? What's up, Jeff, how you doing? And he's like, Oh, thank God, I was like, what he's like the first person to come and actually smile tonight. He's like, I think everyone's in a bad mood or something. was like, Oh, really. I was like, oh, man, that's cool. And I just remember thinking I'm like, you know, smiling actually does go a long way. Sometimes. Having a good positive vibe, when you just like, start talking to someone, it makes people feel good. And that's a real powerful thing, if you can make people feel good. Think about like, when you come home, and your dog is like happy to see you or something like that. Like, I think that's some of my favorite people. The reason like why they're my favorite people is whenever I see them, they just have a big smile on their face. And they're, like, really happy to see me. And they're like, you know, it's just like, it feels good. So if you can, if you can, like, become the person that actually does that to other people, it's a really good thing. I kind of just like, I don't know, when I was thinking about, like, what is a positive vibe, but kind of just picture, you know, you're just like, in a good mood. When you're talking to people, I always kind of have like this smirk on my face. Like, if I'm having a real good time, I kind of just think everything kind of funny. Like, I remember, one time I was hanging out my friend. And I was talking, I was telling him, I was telling him that I had seen these guys at a bar. And they had just randomly I was watching them and they just randomly gave each other a high five. And it was like super funny to me. And I was telling him, I was like, I think high fives are like really have this weird impact on people because like, you know, when you're like a baby, and you're like, like a new person comes up and is like talking to you and like is like, oh, what's your name of Apollo? Alright, high five. And you're like, you're like shy, but when they put up their hands, you just give them a high five. I think it's like, subconsciously been ingrained into our, I don't know, it's been put into the back of our head that like whenever anybody puts up their hand and says hi five, you're just automatically going to do it. Because I don't know, something just tells you don't leave them hanging. So let's tell them my friend. I'm like, I was telling my friend about this. And he was cracking up. I'm like, look all like watch on like your give me a high five. Like gives me a big high five. And then we both start laughing. And then we both just start laughing because we realize like, yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's like, it's just stupid, and like childish. But that's almost why it's like funny and hilarious still. So I remember, I don't know, I would just be in a place and like, tell someone to give me a high five. And they would do it. And it's just always kind of funny. So that's just kind of like, it's hard to describe what like a really good vibe is. But doing something like that puts off a little kind of like a good vibe. So just have that kind of mindset. The other thing about having a good vibe is like confidence. And I might want to talk about this more down the road. But let me let me tell you something about confidence that I learned this guy, Dr. Paul, dobransky, this guy keep mentioning, he talked about, you can get confidence by doing things that take courage. So picture something small, like, I'm going to jump over this fence. Like you're like, I think I could do it. It's high enough, or it's low enough. So you run and do it. I mean, you could totally wipe out and eat it. But if you land it, or even if you don't land it, just the fact that you tried it. You Alyssa say you get like two points of courage. Now let's say you have to give a toast at a wedding. Now that it's like you know, you're gonna be in front of 100 people. It's gonna be a little nerve wracking, maybe very, very nerve wracking. So, let's say you go up there and you give your speech. Something like that might give you 50 points of confidence. So you kind of look it in those terms, like you could almost like measure how much confidence you'll get after doing something that takes courage. And the and the beautiful thing about this is, even if you fail, you will still get the confidence, like, maybe it's a little bit less, but you still gain some confidence. And it goes into like this confidence bank, where you just keep accumulating and accumulating confidence. So anytime you do something that takes courage, you will get more confidence. And I think that's, you know, I actually might have mentioned this on the podcast before, I don't remember. But so one of the coolest parts about this is, when you practicing your social skills, it takes a lot of confidence to do, it takes a lot of courage to do that. Because you're always putting yourself out there. So every time you do it, you're getting a little bit more and more confidence, even even when you mess up something, just the fact that you went for it, you're going to get more confidence. So it's kind of you're going in this upward spiral of you'll, you'll get more confidence, you'll actually, you know, perform better, you'll do you'll get better responses, and I'll give you even more courage to do more, go out and talk to more people, you'll get more confidence, you'll get more courage, and you'll get in this upward spiral. It's a it's pretty cool thing. And I remember after he mentioned it, I can't I would, you know, regularly push myself to do things that take courage. Any little thing that you can do to get more to that will take courage will give you confidence. And that will translate into having a really good vibe, because having a good vibe. It's just like, it's a combination of positive emotion and confidence. That's gonna be it for this week. Next week or next week we'll be talking about bullying and how to avoid it. And also talk about having fun and staying positive. So I hope you guys have an awesome Sunday and I will talk to you guys next week. Take care