TSSL - Episode 10 - Bullying & Having Fun

This week we talk about how to avoid bullying by knowing how to use verbal judo. Mostly by shrinking your ego and just not taking anything personally. We also talk about having fun, using creativity and being adventurous. 

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Thank you!! - Nathan.  : D

Link to Stephen Mitchell's The Tao Te Ching audiobook 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:53

Running away from the podium thinking much in the back seat for the Powerball we could do it on demand put the winning you know as games off of sheets sing along man, and just when it couldn't get better she broke my ear saying you got the chin. Ah, you got the juice. You have the bison you talking and walking the right way sundown on a highway you know the feeling baby. Take the pants off a welcome back to the social skills lab. Episode Number 10. I'm your host Nathan. It's been a crazy couple of weeks did it actually get an episode uploaded last week I apologize for that had to evacuate for the ln new lightning complex fire out here in California. I do evacuated for a couple days. Here the fire got pretty close. But what Luckily, my house is still here. So that's good news. We also got some new music as you can hear, that was the song Powerball by wax Mustang. I sent him a message I think on SoundCloud. Because I really like the song. Just send him a message asking if I could use it for my podcast. And he's like, Yeah, go ahead. So thank you very much wax. Appreciate it. On the last episode, I accidentally uploaded the unedited version. So the handful of you may have gotten a pretty crappy download a lot of a lot of empty silence and stuff like that. So it wasn't very many probably about, I don't know, just a handful people got it, I noticed it pretty quickly, I got the actual good version uploaded. So if you happen to get a crappy version, and you want an edited version, you can go back and get it. So we're back. And last week, we were talking about apologizing, and putting out a good vibe. couple notes on that for apologizing. I said, if you did a pretty big thing, that you the person might be kind of pissed off that you might want to wait a day or two, I just want to make the point that you don't want to wait too long. Like if you wait a couple of weeks or a couple months, it's just gonna get worse and worse. So sometimes it's best to just pull that band aid right off, you know, get it over with, you want to not make a lot of excuses, make sure it's genuine. If you if it's not genuine, then don't do it. The whole point is being transparent. You know, it takes a it takes a lot of high character to do to apologize. So it's good to do it. If you feel like you should do it, just get it out of the way. And on on the other end. You might want to make sure that you are a forgiving person as well. Because I don't know, sometimes you might apologize and they don't actually you could tell they're not really forgiving you or whatever, that's fine, man, that's their deal. As long as you genuinely put an effort in to make an apology, your side of the street is clear. But you want to make sure that you are a forgiving person. Don't be someone that holds grudges, it's just not really good for your, your vibe, just just let stuff go. Most of the stuff is actually pretty petty. Don't Don't, don't, don't sweat the small stuff. forgiving is a is a valued asset to have. It's a it's a good quality to to maintain. And sometimes when someone kind of slides me on stuff, and they don't apologize for it, I'll just forgive them anyways, you know, I'm just gonna put that out in the universe, you know, like, whatever it is what it is. I hope he's, I hope he's doing well. You know, not gonna hold a grudge or have some vengeance on my mind. That stuff is kind of a waste of time. We also talked about having a good vibe. And something I want to mention about that is I have been drinking a lot of pressed juice. Like it's really good for you like I don't know like kale and parsley and celery and stuff like that. Like there's a couple good juice stores around here. There's also the, the nugget, the nugget, yeah, nugget, Whole Foods probably has them. I mean, they're like five bucks, eight bucks, nine bucks, kind of expensive. But at the same time, if you were actually to buy all the vegetables, it would almost be the same price and you don't have to clean it up. And it's just like really good for you, the better you feel, the better vibe you're going to put off. So I recommend getting yourself a veggie juice, especially if you don't like eating vegetables very much. I don't really like cooking vegetables, or I do like salads, but I know that I'm not getting enough vegetables. So I will, you know, once or twice a week, sometimes five or six times a week, I'll get a vegetable juice. And I think it's just better for you, you got to get to a lot of those micronutrients that you'll never get if you cook it, or if you don't eat it very much. Make sure you make sure you do that. It'll be good for you, you'll feel better. Also exercising, like I said before stretching, make sure you get a lot of water, all that stuff kind of will make you feel better. And you'll put off a bit a better vibe. Another thing I would do before, before I'd go out, I was watching a lot of stand up, but I noticed that it would put me in a really good mood. So before I went out with friends, sometimes I would just be like, Alright, we're gonna watch like 30 minutes of stand up comedy. And it put a really elevated my mood. I think it put me in kind of like a funny vibe. It seemed to work really well. So I always would watch like 20 or 30 minutes of some pretty funny stand up. Before I go out, you can find a ton of it on on YouTube, you'll see you'll find some people you'll like and then you'll get become a fan of theirs. And you'll start watching other stuff they do. It's pretty cool. So I would recommend that as well. I also I think something that really helped my vibe to is when I was getting into Eastern philosophy, I came across this. This statement from there it said everything is perfect. And also, everything that has happened is exactly the way it was supposed to happen. And I think like the everything is perfect. The way it was described was like think about this moment. I mean, don't think about like this week, or this month, think about this moment, right now. Like me right now I'm in a I'm in a house. It's climate controlled. I got some good sleep last night. I don't have to worry about food. I'm gonna have some fun today. Like right now. Every My health is pretty good. Everything at this exact moment is perfect. So what, what, there's not really any reason, if I can just focus on that, for me to feel like I need anything so. And also, if you think that everything that has has happened is exactly the way it was supposed to happen. I don't know, for some reason, just puts me in this mental state that things are good. You know, I'm gonna go out there and it's gonna do my thing. So it's just something I wanted to mention. Okay, so this week, we're gonna be talking about bullying, bullying, and having fun. So let's see bullying. I see them posted online, a lot of people ask questions about like, getting bullied and stuff like that. I was bullied a little bit when I was younger. I moved around a lot. So I didn't. I don't know. Maybe that was the reason I became a target. Not really wasn't like too bad. But it did happen enough that it was like super annoying. Also, I gotta admit, that also when I was young, I would I also bullied other kids. Like when I was like, eight or nine, like on the school bus. There was one kid that me and my friend would pick on. I don't remember doing it for very long, but I do remember doing it. And it's like, geez, when I think back also, like when I was in high school, me and this other friend used to just like, kind of like talk shit to this one kid, they would walk by our locker for no real reason other than he was skinny. I don't know. I didn't do it that much. But I gotta be honest, like I did do it. And I don't know, it was just like, you feel like a rush of power. But I feel really bad about it. Totally not cool to do. It's basically it's super mature. I think the reason why it happens is especially at school, school is almost like a prison. You have no choice but to be there. And you're going to be there every day and see the same people every day. So there's going to be a natural tendency for there to be like Some kind of like, especially with guys to be some kind of like pecking order to be established. So people are always trying to establish their pecking order, trying to get some kind of status, because status is kind of everything. And, you know, you're always trying to move up and status, even if that means putting other people down to to establish your status. And I'm going to tell you that, I think the best way to get more status is just to have really good social skills. Because, you know, to, to use your brain to use such a high powered piece of equipment in the most efficient way possible, that, to know how to use it extremely well. And to use language, which is just amazingly, you know, we're, we're so used to it, but it's like, such an amazing thing to be able to communicate with each other, to use it effectively, that that can get you like, a ton of status, if you know how to use it. Well. I think whenever I see though, like today, if I see someone being like extremely rude to someone, like, you know, people post videos of people being rude to people, or people being mean to other people, I kind of actually feel kind of bad for them, like the person that's actually being an asshole, because what I've learned is that there's no, it's almost impossible to be mean to another person, if you feel really good about yourself. Like if you have a lot of self confidence, and you've got a lot of positive emotion. You know, if you're like, You're, you're actually becoming an integrated, mature adult, it's almost impossible to be extremely mean to someone because you just I don't know, you just develop a lot of compassion. So I do feel kind of bad for people that are like that, that that don't know, there's a better way to act. And then they'll, you know, I just instantly see like someone who's like, not very confident. But I think as far as knowing how to avoid instances where you're getting bullied, I really think it comes down to understanding the ego. Because I noticed that once I learned about the ego, and I was like, really focused on destroying my ego, vanishing my ego, just shrinking it down and shrinking it down. I realized that my verbal Judo got better. Like if someone was kind of like talking crap to me, I didn't really see it as an attack because I stopped taking things so personally, like, when you have almost no ego, you don't take anything personally, I just found it like kind of amusing or funny, or I just kind of saw it as like a verbal sparring match. And I was going to show them my skills, because they were trying to like, Come at me with something. And I just kind of would flip it around. Like it could have always I could always like take it either to a meta level. Or I could just like think it was funny, and it would just like bounce off of me. Okay, so here's a good example. I was working on this construction site. And this was actually a couple months ago, and I'm not used to really working on construction sites like I did it when I was a lot younger, but it's been a while. And some of the guys I was working with what this one guy's kind of a prick. He for one, he just wasn't really a good worker, he acted like he was. But and I was kind of slow because I was kind of new. But I didn't really give a shit. I knew I had the job. I was hired, I was just kind of taking my pace and stuff like that. I knew I'd build up to be in a much better speed because I was just, I was I was used to working in offices. I wasn't really used to working outdoors too much. And this and I had a an electric drill that I brought from home. And it was one that I actually bought not that long ago. But it was a 12 volt. And apparently everyone on everyone on the construction site uses 18 volt. and this guy was just started tearing into me. He's like, Oh, hey, Nate, what's up with your windows but their drill? Did you buy the I could see you bought the girls version? I mean, instantly, you know, I thought it was funny. Like that's, that's funny. I was just like, I was like, What do you mean? He's like, yeah, I could tell you about the girls version of the drill. And I realized what he was talking about. And I was like, Oh, yeah, no, I just borrowed this from my mom. And he's like, but he's like, you really borrow that from your mom? And I'm like, No, idiot. I just haven't got another drill yet. Like we're breaking my balls. And the guy like, I don't know, sometimes some people will think that's funny. This guy didn't because he's kind of a douche. But sometimes, you know, you'll find, you'll find sometimes some guys kind of breaking your balls about something. And you just come back with something funny like that. Like, you don't really care if they're making funny, and they'll like, Oh, that's what this guy's cool. And then you know, they'll keep talking shit. You talk shit back and sometimes that's what. That's the kind of dynamical habit. Some people just be like, let's have fun talking shit to each other. You know, guys do it all the time. But if you don't have any, any ego at all, you just find stuff amusing. Don't take it personally. Like sometimes, even if someone comes at me with some shit. My go to if I can't think of anything is like, I'll be like, Oh, yeah, man, that was like, that was pretty funny. That's good. That was a good one. Yeah, it was not bad. You know? You just like or just, you know, like, Oh, yeah. I don't know. You just, it's hard to explain. But sometimes if you dislike, accept what they say, and he's like, yep, yep, that's right. That's true. That's totally true. That's, yeah, that's pretty accurate. They'll be like, there's they're like, because if they see that there's no chink in your armor, they can't keep poking at it. Like my I have a friend that's like an expert at finding the chink in your armor. And if you find it, it'll keep poking at it and poking at it just because he likes to antagonize people. Sometimes, it's like an it's not, it's not like an amine spiritual way. It's just kind of like a, I don't know, it's just something people will do when they're trying to figure out who you are. So if they can see that you have, you're not taking it personally, it's actually kind of fun. So I think that's a really good way to avoid bullying. Or just people talking shit, just realize it's just, it's all funny. And there's really nothing they can do if you just like, think it's funny. But it's not something that you could fake. So you really have to figure out how to how to shrink your ego. And I think the best way to do it, I don't know, read the doubt a Ching, get that audio book by Steven Mitchell. He has two audio books. One is called the doubt a Ching. And one is called the second book of the Dow. I think I'm not sure if I did it before, but I'll put a link to that in the description again, for you guys. The other thing too, is like, if you can go meta, that's another good way to come and do some good comebacks to people. Like if someone's talking shit to you. You don't acknowledge what they just said, you describe what is happening back to them. And that is a good way to just not even play the game they're playing. If you just like show that you're like, Oh, I'm not playing that game. I'm playing a different game. And I don't even care if I look cool or not. Because Yeah, I mean, I'm having a good time. I don't give a shit about. If I look cool to you. I mean, I don't even know what cool means. So you're basically jumping several levels above and showing you half status automatically by not caring if you have status. It's kind of a weird thing. But if, like if someone was like talking shit, you'd be like, oh, oh, you're the cool guy. You're like, oh, you're trying to Oh, you're trying to put me down. You're the cool guy. So it's like you're describing the situation, that you're describing what they're doing. And you're not even acknowledging what they said. And it's, I don't know, it's just, it's, it's one of, it's a good tactic to use sometimes. Okay, so let's also talk about having fun. I don't know, just a topic I thought would be cool to talk about. For one, I mentioned quite frequently to not take yourself so seriously, don't take life too seriously. Sometimes there are moments where you got to focus and be serious. But in general, I'd say 90% of the time. Try not to take yourself too seriously. You got to another good way to get on this. Given this, this mental space of having fun is to is to be spontaneous, to be creative. Just sometimes you could just be super random, like sometimes I'll be driving, and I'll see this like, I don't know, I'll just a lot of times I'll just go a different way home every time. take a different route to work sometimes. Just you know, try different routes. Sometimes you'll find stuff that you never expected. Don't always like stick to your plans all the time. You know, you can always veer off try different things. As far as like being spontaneous and creative. I kind of think of this one time when me and my friends were in San Francisco. And we were we stayed at a hotel we just like partied all night in San Francisco. And we were up all night. It was probably like 830 in the morning. We're like, let's go down to the let's go down to the stoop. So we went down there, we still had a couple beers. So we're just kicking it on the stoop. And it's like kind of very, like San Francisco has like very steep streets that go up and down, up and down, kind of like Lombard Street or whatever. And we're out there just hanging out. And there was like this pizza box just sitting there. And I think there was like, like a pet, someone had a pen. So I was like, Hey, give me a pen or something that pen you had. So I took the top of the pizza box. I ripped it off. So it's just a square. And I wrote on it. I wrote on it slowed down in it, because I kept seeing people were just walking super fast, up and down. Like they're like, like, Oh, I'm in a hurry. But it was like fucking Sunday morning. So I thought it'd be funny. I see soon as I saw someone like walking down or walking down or sidewalk. And they looked like all serious and focused and like all like, Oh, I'm gonna get there real quick. Put the sign up. I'm like, Hey, hey, slow down, slow down. And my friends thought it was really funny. Because every time I every time I did it, the person looking super serious would see the sign. And they would just start laughing. And then they're like, they're like, Oh, Okay, thanks. And he was like, walk slower. I mean, what's it did, it took probably about 40 people. And then like in like an hour. Some people just ignored it. But I'd say like, at least half of the people. At least half the people started laughing when they saw it. Like, hey, you slow down, slow down. It was just, I don't know, we're just being goofy. But it was a lot of fun. I don't know, it was just like spontaneous. I thought it was kind of something that I did creatively. And you never knew what you're gonna get. So it was kind of it was somewhat adventurous because you know, someone could punch you. Probably not San Francisco is a pretty friendly city. Another thing I wanted to talk about this too is or tell you was one time I was working in this office. And this girl at the reception desk, I kind of knew her. I had been working. I worked there a couple times. And she was on the computer. And she was looking at this club in San Francisco. And I was like working on her printer. So I could, I was like, pretty much like in her cubicle and I could see what she was doing. And she was talking to her friend on the phone. And she's like, I think I think we'll go to this club. It's called the park. That's this place in Sacramento and and then I know her and her friend were talking about it for a while on the phone. And then she hung up and she was looking at it. I was like, Oh, you're going to the park. Tonight. She's like, She's like, yeah, have you ever been there? I was like, Yeah, I've been there a couple times. It's pretty nice. And she's like, you think it'd be fun place to go out and meet my friends. I mean, my friends are having a girls night out. Like she'd never been there. And I was like, yeah, the place is pretty cool. You guys will have fun. And I was like, you guys going somewhere else? You're gonna go to a bar or something before that. And she was like, No, I wasn't planning on it. I was like, Oh, well, usually, if you're going to go to a club, you know, it doesn't really get going till about 11 1130 at night. So me and my friends, if we're going to a club or something, we'll go to like a bar that's close to it, maybe a second bar, and then go to the club. It's kind of fun to do some venue hopping. This venue happens. It's kind of fun. It's just like, Oh, I didn't even think about that. I was like, yeah, there's actually a couple really good bars that are pretty close to it. So I told her the names of them. And I was telling her like, sometimes you just, you'll go to the bar, and you'll have a good time. And then you'll end up having such a good time. You don't even want to leave. So you got to be flexible with your plans. Don't really stick to anything but you know, you have a general plan. We'll go here, we'll go there. And then we'll go to the club. I think it's just a good way to go out. If you're going to go out with some friends go to a couple places. I mean, you're already getting all dressed up. You're leaving the house, you might as well go to a couple places. I thought I would just mention that because it's just a fun thing to do when you go out with your friends. hit a couple places. You know also to after after the club sometimes when it closes at one o'clock you get hungry we'll go to like a someplace to eat afterwards before we go home. It's like not good for your health to like eat a big meal. But hey, sometimes you're just you had enough to drink you want to put some like a hamburger right on top of all that alcohol. Something else to do before you go home. If you do that though, make sure you take a cab or take an Uber take a lift. No. It's not good to be driving drunk. It's extremely dangerous. I think that's gonna be it for this week. Next week, I'm not sure where we're going to talk about yet. Maybe you have some open format style. I'll look up some look some stuff up on this social skills subreddit to some questions I have there. So I hope you guys have a really good week. Make sure you go out and talk to a few people and push those conversations a little further than you used to. And then also try not to take yourself seriously have fun guys. feeling the effects of a past life from a past life took the right path from the wrong Nike Japan chicken dance right? What a bizarre like a pull up a car ride. It's a Mustang with the beats Where have you seen him what it looked like? Oh, women and take for granted a lot and again an issue for the moon in the sauce. Numerous broads beautiful beautiful people with the pink, Lucky young linen net. Nice to see the breast out. So now I'm thinking that life is better with buddy you bet on the brother You win. In the tank tops with the eight ball. jackpot. Oh man, if it wasn't for you if it wasn't for you