TSSL - Episode 11 - Attitude & Applying The Skills

This week we talk about attitude. Your attitude can be your greatest asset or your greatest hinderance depending on what you choose to bring. We also talk about applying what you learn because you can read books all day on dancing, but unless you apply what you know you will never get better until you do it, same goes with social skills, there is a ton to learn but none of it is going to stick unless you actually talk to people and try out the things you are learning. 


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Thank you!! - Nathan.  : D

Recommended book - The Power of Now for learning how to Zen out and shrink your ego

Music by Wax Mustang

Transcript

Unknown: 0:57

Running away from the body I'm thinking much in the back seat for the Powerball we could do it with the winning you know as game top of sheets sing along, man, and just when it couldn't get better, she talked in my ear saying you got the chin. Ah, you got the juice, you have the bison, you talking and walking the right way sundown on a highway. Talking and murder. Welcome back back to another episode of the social skills lab. I'm your host, Nathan almond says episode number 11. Again, the back of the building. He sent you a friend that song was Powerball by wax Mustang added that last week. It's good song, I like it. Last week, we talked about bullying and having fun. Couple things about bullying I wanted to mention again, it's almost impossible for someone with lots of confidence and self esteem to be mean to another person. So just remember that if someone's actually like a bully, they probably have low self esteem. That's why if you have completely shrunk your ego, it's very difficult for them to put you down or verbally attack you in any way because you don't really care. And they're just they don't have any self esteem. So they're not going to be as they're not going to be able to spar with you verbally. And that's a difficult thing to fake. So you really have to work on shrinking your ego. A couple ways I did it. Like I mentioned I started meditating a lot, started reading about Eastern philosophy and Zen really got into Zen and like the doubt a Ching and stuff like that. One of the books that I read that was really, really good was the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolly. I found the book right around the same time I was getting an Eastern philosophy. It's almost like a Western version of Zen. It was really good. It was a really good book to come across. But he was basically a guy that was was like, at the end of his wits, he had like almost a mental breakdown. And in that moment, and he discovered he became enlightened. Like he, he became enlightened. And I've read that before there's a couple, that's one of the ways you could become enlightened is like becoming is like getting to the edge of a mental breakdown. It's kind of weird. I've never, I'm remember one time I had a panic attack, but never experienced anything that was extremely severe or anything like that. So that was I don't know if if you have issues like that. probably want to talk to a professional. But I'd also recommend checking out some Zen stuff, it's, it's really good to get a completely different perspective on the art of living. One thing too about Zen is there was this expression that I got from there, it was the the opposite of a profound truth is another profound truth. And the kind of like, kind of mess with me, I was like holy cow, like so anything that I think is like, Oh, yeah, this this is the truth. The exact opposite can also be true. Which means basically that nothing is ultimately true. Because if the opposite is also true. There's really nothing to like, Hang Hang my ego on. Like, if I think if I think that something is happening, I'm like trying to like figure out a situation. I'm not going to be like completely convinced because I'll know that no matter what I come up with the opposite is probably also true because there's different levels, that something can be true on. Like, let's say, I feel like right now I'm sitting in my my desk, but you know, I'm also flying through space at like 100,000 miles an hour. So which one is it? You know, stuff like that. Just keep that in mind. Something that goes along with Zen is very being completely present in the moment. It's hard to do that sometimes. Like let's say I have to take out the trash or I have to do my laundry. It's gonna feel like a chore most of the time. One time I was in my bathroom and I was washing my hands and I just did like an extra big pump of the soap. And it got on the sink. So I was like, Okay, well this like washes off. So I started like, wiping the sink with the soap. And then all these said started forming. And then I was like, Well, I guess I'll just wash the sink now since I got all this so. So I started just like slowly like washing the sink. And all these said, started forming. And next thing I knew I was completely immersed in the, in the moment of watching the sink. And I just like, so I was just gonna wash the sink. But next hand, no, I totally cleaned the whole like cabinets and everything in the mirror. I just became completely immersed into cleaning the sink, and countertop and I'd scuttle the suds and soap. And next thing I knew, I felt a moment of joy doing it. And I'm like, holy cow, this is this is what it is to be completely present. I can enjoy doing something that's technically a chore. I don't know, it's just a moment that I thought was kind of interesting. I'm like, this is this is cool. This is what being completely present means. And even thinking that kind of takes you out of it. So anytime you actually like think about this, like anytime you actually think about the Dow, it actually takes you out of it. It's kind of weird to be completely present, you can't even think about it, you just have to be. But in that moment, I just kind of started feeling good. I felt gratitude for being alive and stuff like that. That's pretty interesting. I'll put a link up on the description for the power of now for you guys. It's pretty easy to find, but I'll just throw a link up for you. Also, last week, we talked about having fun. Last week after the after I recorded the episode. I went rafting with my brother and my sister. And I gotta be honest, at first I was like, and I really want to go because I had been rafting before. And I really didn't like it. It was up in Alaska, because I had worked up in Alaska for a couple summers. And we got comped a rafting trip from the hotel. So me and my friends went rafting. And it was pretty cold, it was probably about 50 degrees out, maybe 60 degrees out and you're on a raft on a river. And like within 20 minutes, we hit a rapid in a hole, just like mountain of water came into the raft and I was soaked because I was right up front. And I was just freezing cold for the next three hours. It was like started snowing, like that's how cold it was. It started snowing. It was really pretty. But I was just freezing and I was miserable. So I don't know, I just had a bad taste in my mouth for rafting. And so I kind of just didn't want to go. But I hadn't seen my brother in a while. And so I was like, Okay, I'll go. And I don't know, I just it was a really great time. There's a bunch of graphs out there, people are just drinking and floating. And I was also a little nervous about the social distancing thing with COVID. But you know, the rafts are pretty far apart. And you're in the open air and stuff like that. It's about as safe as safe a time as you're going to have an a pandemic. But yeah, it was it was I had a great time. It was a lot of fun. So we talked about, you know, doing something adventurous trying something new. Even though it wasn't new for me. I was like, You know what, I'm gonna I'll just try it again. I'm not gonna be a I'm not gonna be a I'm not gonna be a negative Nancy. You know, my brother wanted me to go, my sister wanted me to go. So I went for them. But I had a good time. So just one thing that you can do to have fun, just try something new, going on little adventure, stuff like that. This week, I want to talk, I want to talk about attitude. I was watching on Amazon, there was Hell's Kitchen. It's a show of I've liked but I haven't. I only saw like one season. So I've been watching it. And I was watching there was this. This one chef, I don't even remember who it was anymore. But he was like very talented, doing really well. But he had like such a shit attitude. He was complaining a lot. He was talking shit about other player, other contestants on the show. And he was like rude to people. And I was just thinking, I'm like, Man, this guy could like probably win if he didn't have such a shitty attitude. And sure enough, they cut him in like to like two more episodes. But I really thought he was going to go the whole way until I started seeing how, what a crappy attitude he has. And I've noticed this a lot then your attitude, really. Your attitude is going to affect everything in your life. And it's hard to describe how to have a good attitude. I guess just having a lot of more gratitude, gratitude and attitude. I guess that's why they run I don't know. But you if you have a shit attitude, you're Life is gonna suck. It's there's just no getting around it, life is just way too long to have a shitty attitude and have good things happen to you. Like, if you notice people that have like a really good attitude, good things just tend to happen to them is because people are social creatures, they want to help people that are friendly and nice and have a good attitude, anyone that has a shitty attitude, they're just going to put up roadblock after roadblock after roadblock right in front of them without even realizing it. And they're gonna blame other people why they have nothing good happened to them. And it's basically because they are having a crap attitude, they're not taking responsibility for bringing bringing a positive energy to situations. Something that seems to go along with having a shitty attitude is people complaining lot, I really, I got a bump at work, I got a raise at work. And one of the things my boss said, one of the first things he said was, he's like, mate, you're doing a good job, you don't complain. That's something that I'll mention along the road to my employers, like I'll either mention it in an interview, or just some really early on and make a point to mention to them like, yeah, you know, I just do my best to not complain about petty stuff, anything that's small, I really don't like people that complain. Because I know that bosses hate people that complain, because that's what they deal with most of the time, there's people complaining, so I'll make it a point to mention that I don't, I also don't like people who complain. And I do my best to not complain about stuff. And it really shows because it's very rare that I will complain. If I complain about something, it's usually like just a joke, or it's like something that's kind of major that needs to be changed or something like that. So I was I thought it was funny that you mentioned it, and I got to rate it. So that was great. One thing too, that I noticed about attitude is people that are like talk shit about other people, like gossip, talking shit, all that stuff. Do your best to not say anything bad about anyone ever, ever. Do your best to not say anything bad about anyone ever. Okay, we all do it, I do it, I still do it, I don't do it nearly as much as I used to. I don't know. Now when I do it, it's kind of more joking, or just like, you know, just all in good fun. But I know that that is a really good way to avoid bullying, because sometimes you'll start getting bullied, because you talk shit about this person, and it got back to them, just assume it's always going to get back to them. So it's much better to never, ever, ever talk shit about anyone. Okay, that's just some advice I heard a long time ago. You know, it's good advice. So just stop doing it, there's so much more. So many more topics you can talk about other than trying to try to knock someone else down. If you actually have legitimate complaint about somebody, the best way to handle it is to go directly to that person and bring it up to them in private. If you're not going to do that, then you don't have the balls to if you don't have the balls to do it, then it's either not big of a deal, or it's not worth your time. And you should not do it. So either bring it up with him privately, or don't do anything at all. And let's say I've actually heard this before. So the first thing you want to do is bring it up with him privately. If that does not resolve it, maybe bring one other person the next time and bring it up again to them. So there's like one other person there. And if that doesn't work, then you could bring it up publicly. But in that order, do not go out of order. always tried to bring it up with him privately first. And if you're not going to do that, like I said, Don't mention it. Just don't do it. It will not be worth it. Another thing about having a good attitude, I've noticed is people that have a good attitude, are also the same people that take responsibility for things. It's really annoying when someone does not take responsibility for a mistake they made. One time I was working with this guy. We were doing installs at a at a hospital. And me and him were working in this department. And we had installed a couple printers in there at this nurse's station. And when we were wrapping it up, I told him I'm going to go ahead and bring the cart down. Do you want to stay here and finish training with a customer? And he's like, yeah, I'll take care of that. So he did that. I I took all the all the equipment down to the to the basement where staging everything. And the next day, we went up to the same department or in the same area and the nurse stopped me She's like, hey, she's like, you know, guys never trained us on that stuff up there. I was like, oh, okay, I'm sorry. Well, we'll come by and do some training right now and she's like all pissed off because like they're having issues Just printing stuff. So I talked to my coworker I'm like, hey, the nurses came and said, no one trained us on that stuff. He's like, Oh, I was like, did you train them? He's like, Oh, yeah. Now we'll have to take care of it. I was like, dude, I was like, I thought you were gonna train them. And he just like, was like, vague. I'm like, dude, it pissed me off so much. Because all he had to say was, yeah, I got sidetracked. I was supposed to train them. I didn't. That was my bad, I'll take care of it. It's all he had to say. But now he's just like being like, vague. And like deflective it was so so annoying. I just hate when people don't take responsibility. Because it is so easy to to say, Yeah, I messed up. I'll take care of it. Sorry about that. That's it. That's all it's all anybody wants to hear. You know why? Because they want to make sure that it's not going to happen again. That's it, they just want to make sure it's not gonna happen again. So take responsibility for stuff. The more you do it, the more people will respect you. which is I think counterintuitive, because I think the reason people don't do it is because like, oh, if I, if I take the blame, they'll think less than me. No, well, actually, people make mistakes all the time. People make very stupid mistakes. People, you know, they just lazy and they don't do it. Yeah, that's fine people, that's just a human thing to do. But if you actually have the character, to own up to it, and take responsibility and communicate that you messed up, and that you will not, it will not happen again. That's huge. People really respect it. It's very mature thing to do. Along these lines, I've, there's a quote from what's the name, Sigmund Freud. It is, this is the the quote, he said, he said, character is destiny. It's just one of those things, man, having a good attitude, taking responsibility. It's all about character. So the better your character, the better your future is going to be. If you have very low character, your future is going to be shit. I want you to remember that. So that's kind of that's been one of my focuses for the last 10 years is to develop my character, because I know, my future is gonna be a lot brighter, the more character I have. One thing I noticed too, is like, ever seen people just throw trash on the ground, usually, like you'll see around like a homeless camp, a lot of trash on the ground. And I and I just equate the two, I'm like, well, there's a reason why you're in such a terrible position right now, because you don't even care enough to throw the trash in the trash can. And I know a lot of it has to do with mental health and drug addiction and stuff. But there's definitely a slice of not just giving a crap about anything. I remember when I was in high school, sometimes, if I went to a drive in, or a drive thru, got some food, I'd pull up in the alley, and I would just throw the trash out in the ground. Dude, I would just I just didn't give a shit. And my life was really unraveling at that point in high school and stuff. But then, like I mentioned earlier, I went up to Alaska. And I noticed that it was so beautiful up there. Everybody that I hung out with was very, very determined not to let any trash hit the ground. Any little piece would always go in the trash. And I really respected that. And I learned that that's very important to take care of that law. And so like when I was we were rafting down the river. Last week, anytime we saw a beer can or soda can floating in the in the river, we'd always like we'd always steer towards it, we'd read we'd row, pick it up, throw it with our trash, because it was so beautiful out there. Like I just hated it to see any garbage floating in the river. Like anytime I go camping, or go hiking, I see some trash, I'll throw it in my bag, I'll always take some with me and stuff like that. Something else I want to talk about is usually on the show I mentioned, keep talking to people. Let's talk about that real quick. I mentioned that very frequently. Because that is that is the lab portion of of the subject. You know, this is the social skills lab. But what you're doing right now listening to it, this is actually like if you take a class at college, there's the theory section where you go through the lecture. And then there's the lab, where you go into a lab and you look at microscopes, you mess with your test tubes and your auger plates and stuff like that. And that's the lab portion where you apply what you learn what you learned in theory, so when I say keep talking to people, what I mean is go out there and do the last part. You know, it's good to read books, it's good to watch videos. It's good to listen to podcasts. But that's all theory. You're not actually going to get very far without doing applet applying what you're learning. So when I say keep talking to people, what you're doing is working out your social muscles, they talk about the brain muscle, what it is really is a bunch of neurons as much as cells. So when you keep talking to people, what you're doing is you're building connections in your, in your, between different neurons, the more you do it, the better your connections are, the more easier the conversations will flow, because you're practicing what you're learning, really try what you're learning and stuff, you'll start building those neurons. And it's like, if you were to like, let's say, when you were 10, you started playing the piano. And you let's say you did it for like two years, you built up those neurons, you actually built somewhere in the brain where all your music, and your motor skills, they start, they start to make connections between the music part of your brain and the motor skill part of your brain. And the visual part where you start reading music. And then let's say you stop playing what happens after two years, you probably can't even play one song. So that's why social skills are really cool, because you can always practice them. Because you're surrounded by people, you're going out all the time. Even in a pandemic, the pandemic has made it extremely challenging to practice social skills, but there are still opportunities. Always Be on the lookout for opportunities to practice your social skills. Just make sure when you talk to people that you're giving them proper distance, make sure you have a mask on, make sure you speak clearly maybe a little louder, because I'm asking muffle it quite a bit. There's always opportunities to practice your social skills. And then you know, let's say, say when things start settling down, people start getting social. Again, it's safe to go out and save to go to parties have to go to bars and clubs, safe to go to music events, then you're kind of ready to go, you've been practicing, you've been reading, you know, like let's say, Saturday morning, you're going to go to a concert later with some with a buddy maybe, or you're going to go downtown, go to it like an art show. You don't want to just sit there all day waiting to go to the art show, you know, all day, you know, start like you go to the store and maybe chat up the cashier. Maybe it'll chat up someone in line, or something like that. Start practicing talking to people all day long. Watch some stand up comedy get in the zone. And then when you go out, you'll start chatting people up there, maybe the guy at the door. I've talked to bouncers at the door made friends with bouncers and stuff like that you just talk to everybody. And then you'll start talking to people and you're already in the zone, you're already ready to talk, it's much easier than to just sit at home all day and not talk to anyone and then go out and then try to get into a zone of a chatty, you know, friendly person, you kind of have to build up to it. You know, you've been chatting up people all week, you've been talking to people all week and joking around with people all week. And then when you go out, meet people, you're already in the zone. That's why you want to keep talking to people push the conversations further. And just be ready for opportunities that present themselves. So just in general stick with it, it's gonna take some time, say it's taken me many years to really get into it, but I just dove in, you know, headfirst and I really can see some results right away so I was motivated to stick with it. And then after a while, I realized, okay, this can this this rabbit hole goes down further than I ever thought and I'm gonna stick with it for the rest of my life. Because it is such a it's such a great skill to have, it just makes life so much more interesting and so much more fun. So stick with it, you'll get it eventually. Or even if you have gotten it you'll get better just just you know stick on a path stay on the path. I guess that's really all I wanted to say for this week. But once again, not sure what I'll talk about next week but maybe I'll look up some more topics on this the subreddit social skills I've been reading a lot on there and some good stuff check it out. So I guess that'll be about it this week. I hope you guys have a really good week. And just you know have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously. And I'll talk to you next week. Feeling effects of a past life have to haul from a past life took the right path from the wrong night to Japan taking this right what a bizarre like a pull up a car ride it's a Mustang with the beats Where have you seen him what it look like? Oh, women and take for granted a lot and again an issue for the moon in the stars numerous bras beautiful being the beetle people with the lucky young linen and the nice show see to press down so now I'm thinking that life is better with buddy you bet on the brother You win in the tank tops with the eight If it wasn't for you if it wasn't for you