TSSL - Episode 13 - Telling Stories and More Tips!!!!

Hey hey! It's been a minute but we are back with some great tips that I've been thinking about and we are going to talk about story telling. Telling stories is a big part of socializing and goes back to caveman days, so it's gotta be important right?

Be sure to check out the Charisma on Command channel, so much fantastic content and also The Art of Mingling, some pretty good tips to try out.

Thank you so much to Wax Mustang for the intro and outtro music - Powerball!

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I always appreciate any support ; D 

https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast

paypal.me/TSSLpodcast

Thank you!! - Nathan.  : D

Transcript

Unknown: 0:56

Maybe running away from the podium thinking much in the back seat for the Powerball we could do it on demand. Put the winning you know his games off of she sing along, man. And just when it couldn't get better, she talked to me and saying you got the chin. Ah, you got the juice, you have the bison to boost into you token and walk in the right way sundown on a highway, you know the feeling baby? What's going on everybody? Take the pants off. Welcome back to another episode of the social skills lab. I'm your host, Nathan augment. It's Episode 13. It has been a long time since I record an episode. But I don't know, I just wanted to make sure I had everything together wanted to make sure it's gonna be a good episode, I didn't want to rush it. Because I know you're busy. You don't got time to waste. So let's, let's just jump into it. Last week we talked about or Last time, we talked about customer service skills. And we went over some tips and stuff like that. I knew I said we would talk about we talk about status, social status and storytelling. But I want to talk about some tips as well, because I keep thinking of some pretty good tips that I've learned along the way. And I thought I'd just share him share some more with you. I saw this episode, on YouTube, there's a channel called charisma on command. It's, it's a really good episode, or it's a really good, it's a really good channel, I'll put a link in the description. There was one episode where I can't remember exactly what they were talking about. But they were the guy was saying that it's pretty common, especially if you're in a group of people, that people will constantly just kind of talk over people sometimes. And the best way to handle that is to actually finish your sentence, or finish your thought even as you're being cut off. Because I mean, I'm not gonna say you would want to do that 100% of the time, but it just kind of shows that you are comfortable being cut off and you don't let it bother you. Just let just finish your train of thought and then focus on whatever the other person was saying. I would say if it starts happening a lot, sometimes they'll just say something like, you know, you keep cutting me off or something like that I don't know, just pointed out. Because me personally, when I'm with someone, it's usually someone that I don't know very well, and they constantly cut me off for they talk and talk and talk and they never really let me get a word in. I usually don't continue socializing with that person for very long, so that way. So you should be aware if you're doing that too much. Make sure you always let the person talk Try not to talk over someone. A lot of times too, if I cut someone off, which I do sometimes still, I'll make a mental note of it. I might finish my thought and then I'll just say, Yeah, what were you saying? I'm sorry, I cut you off on there are all dislike mentioned? I was like, Oh, you were and what was that movie you're talking about? Blah, blah, blah, I'll bring the conversation back. I'll let them finish what they're saying. Another thing that I learned was, if you pay close attention to people talking and stuff like that, you might notice that when people laugh, I would say 50% of the time, they're not actually laughing at something that's funny. They are laughing most likely to break tension, or because they're nervous. So I think I think when I heard that, I heard it more in the context of don't do that. So if you catch yourself laughing when you're just kind of like breaking tension or because you're nervous, try not to do it. it's best just to laugh when something that's funny. And you'll notice that people do this quite a bit. So I would try to catch yourself when you're just laughing nervously it's just better just to be quiet. Something something that I would mention about status, like when it comes to socializing, status is kind of like always in the background, like who has higher status and another person. Me personally I've learned kind of like I don't really give a crap about any of that stuff. Like especially like when you're in school, like, like in high school and stuff. That's That's for whatever reason, it's just a huge deal of like, Who's popular and who's not. As you get out of out of school and get into the real world, it's really not as important. I mean, the most important thing is that you get your own your own life together, and that you enjoy life and you have a good time, I would say something that I noticed is, if you're talking to a couple people, let's say you're talking to two people that are good friends, or two people that are just like, you know, they're just friends, you'll notice most of the time that one person has a higher status than the other person, and they are well aware of it. Even if it's unspoken, you'll notice that one person often will defer to the other person, like they'll often like if you if someone's cracks a joke, one person, you'll see one person, look to the other person and see how they react before they react. This happens quite a bit. And the only thing I can kind of relate it to is, like it's a I don't know if you've ever owned a dog. But if you have a dog, you'll notice that as soon as you walk in the house, they're basically just staring at you. They're staring at you, and they don't take their eyes off you. They're always looking for seeing what you're going to do next. I would say that that's not how you want to be, you don't want to be constantly deferring to another person, you know, trying to see how other people react before you react, you know, just live your life and be your own person. Something that would be really important in this general area, too is I mentioned pretty early on in the podcast to camera, what episode it was. It was episode number two, diving into body language, I mentioned, to learn as much as you can about body language. And I, I'll say it again, because it's really good to be able to read people's body language. So like just for instance, like one of the topics that we could talk about this week is storytelling. And you can read books and stuff like that on on how to be a better storyteller. I'm sure there's a lot of great stuff out there. I would, I was watching. I was watching this, this movie with john candy and Steve Martin. It's called plane planes, trains and automobiles. And at one point, john kennedy is constantly getting on Steve Martin's nerves, he's he's just like, won't stop talking. And he keeps telling the most boring stories. At least they are to him. And then at one point, Steve Martin just cracks and starts yelling at him. And he's like, Look, do you ever Shut up, he's like, here's it. Here's a tip, when you tell a story, make it have a point. It should be interesting, funny, entertaining something. And that's actually pretty good advice. Because I've known people that are telling stories. They don't seem to have a point. They're not very entertaining. And the main thing is, I'm just my mind is just blown. Like, can you not tell? I am dying of boredom here, like my eyes are glazing over. I'm turning my body away from you. I'm trying to escape this conversation. So my point is be able to read people's body language, if they look bored, if they look uninterested, if they look like they're trying to get away from you wrap your story up. I know people that will go on and on and on. And especially nowadays, because we have such short attention spans, that you really need to know how to either be the best storyteller in the world, or to keep it short. Like, if I'm talking to someone, and they have a boring story, if they keep it under 30 seconds, you know, oh, I can, I can really appreciate that. Like, I don't even mind hearing a boring story, as long as it's short. And we're done with it. Get it out of the way. So let's tell him I was talking to a friend of mine. And I was asking him about this. I was like, do you have any good tips for telling stories? He said, Well, the main thing probably is to keep it in context of what your conversation is already about. So anytime you tell a story, especially in the middle of a conversation, it should be somewhat related to what you're talking about already. So keep that in mind. And like I said, it should be either entertaining, interesting, funny, have some kind of point. I got a I got a kind of funny story related to this. My uncle. He had gone on vacation to Los Angeles for two, two weeks. And I've always kind of known that his stories are really boring. They go on and on. And they kind of lead into another story and another story and another story. There's really no end to them. And it drives me frickin crazy. But you know, I haven't seen him in a while and I was like, Oh, yeah, How was your trip to LA? And he goes, Yeah, yeah, my trip was okay. Like I was, uh, you know, I had to go up in the attic to get the luggage. It was really hard to find, but I did find the luggage and I had to bring the luggage down and I'm like, Oh, crap. No, this guy is seriously about to tell me his vacation story, starting with luggage. Like he hasn't even gone on the trip yet. He's gonna tell me how he packed his luggage. I mean, that's just, that's no do not, do not torture someone hold someone hostage with a boring story. And if you're having trouble telling stories, well, maybe you should have a more adventurous life. You know, that's really I think that's probably why I have a decent amount of good stories is like, I don't know, I had kind of a crazy, past couple decades, you know, I went and traveled, did a lot of crazy things had a lot of fun. And there's always some story that I kind of can kind of think of in a moment that relates to something and it's kind of entertaining or funny. So, you know, if you don't have any stories, go out there and make some stories. So yeah, make sure you know a lot about body language, you can tell someone's board, or just wrap it up, you know, there's nothing wrong with just wrapping up a story and be like, Yeah, well, that, you know, long story short, blah, blah, blah. And another thing if you say long story short, make it short. Okay? It's, it's kind of like a joke that like a lot of times when people say long story short, they're going to talk for another five minutes, just don't be that person. I'll give you another tip here. When my buddy told me about this, he said, sometimes when people are talking to him, and he's like, totally done, he doesn't want he doesn't, he wants to end the conversation, which will happen once your social skills a lot better, you'll you'll find yourself in situations where people will just talk your ear off. But one of the best ways to get them to finish is to just have a blank look on your face and do not respond. Just act like you're completely comatose. When he told me this, I thought it was pretty funny. But I didn't notice it actually works like this one's like yapping, yapping, if I don't respond, if I don't give any feedback. Like in a normal situation, it's good to give, you know some feedback when someone's talking to you. So they know that the conversation is going well. But if it's not going well just be completely silent. And eventually, they'll realize that's like the biggest hint, if you're getting zero feedback. A lot of times, I'll just wrap it up. There are situations where you'll be talking to someone, or someone will start talking to you and you don't really want to talk to him. Like let's say you're at a party, or if you're at a bar club or something like that. I read this in a book, it was let me pull it up here. Yeah, I found this in a book it is by Jean Martin net. It's called the art of mingling, I read this a long time ago, it's actually not that bad. That the art of mingling fun and proven techniques. I bet I'll put a link in that too of the description. But she said in there, it's called like the sacrificial lamb or something like that a camera what's called, but here's the breakdown of it. Let's say you're talking to someone, you don't really want to talk to someone, the person you're talking to. And you're trying to figure out the best way to get out of there. Well, one way I've noticed is you could just say what you're going to do next, like I'll just be in the middle of conversation. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go to the bathroom, or I'm going to go get a drink. Or I'm going to go outside for a second. Just verbally tell them what you're about to do. And they'll usually be like, okay, and you can walk off, but sometimes in a better. And sometimes. Another way you can do it is let's say you're talking to someone, and a third person walks up and you'll be like, Oh, hey, Mike, I want you to meet Brian. Like, Oh, yeah. Alright guys, I'll be back. In just walk off. You basically just use the third person who walked into the situation as you're out. Because it's almost like, Hey, I'm going to leave you but I'm leaving you with someone to talk to you. I did this. One time, I was at a at a club. And I was talking to this girl. And this guy who I kind of knew he came up into sort of talking to me and I didn't really want to talk to him. I wanted to talk to this girl. And my other friend was talking to me or he was standing by me. And I was like, Oh, hey, have you met my buddy Joey? And he's like, No, no, I'm like, and I basically just pawn them off. So I could keep talking to this girl. And later on that night, my friend Joe is like, I totally saw what you did there. I was like, Oh, yeah, I actually learned actually learn how to do that somewhere. But it's called like the sacrifice or something like that. It's pretty funny. Another tip is I don't know if I mentioned this before. But like I mentioned before, Apple App probation and praise like it's really good to be show gratitude to people when they do something nice for you. But don't Gosh, for example, I had a friend we would go into like the gas station, buy like a soda and my friend would be like thank you like this, he would be saying this to the cashier Like, thanks. Thanks, man, I really appreciate it. I really appreciate it. Like, the Flexi he just bought a soda from him. And I mean, I don't know, I just feel like there's a certain level of temperance you need to have when giving appreciation like if someone like helped you move, yeah, gosh, gosh awake because that's a big thing. But don't gush for like medium stuff, just, you know, just show some gratitude, but kind of It feels weird when you take it too far. And it reminds me of the thing from the that some kind of Zen phrase, it's called like, it feels like fish spittle. Like, like when apparently some fish whether like in a creek that's drying up, fish will like spit on each other to keep each other wet. I just thought that was a good, a good reference for, you know, fake gushing on people. So don't it feels like fish battle. Another thing too, is, make sure you give people appropriate space, that's a really good thing about body language. Just pay attention to people's personal space. If you don't know them at all, probably give them a five feet of space to four feet of space. As you know, more and more probably moving a little closer. Two feet, one feet three feet. But just make sure if it's someone you don't know, and you're going to talk to them. When you give them enough space, you automatically build trust in just doing that. So and also I read somewhere that like it's different. Different cultures have different levels of space. And like little kids, like say, if you're at a supermarket and little kid is like standing next to you and like, you know, the kid might get like within a foot. But that's different, because there's like a little kid, but as an adult or an older person, make sure you give appropriate amount of space to people. Another tip here is silences are okay. So sometimes you'll be in a conversation, and all sudden the conversation dies down. And it'll be silence a lot of times it'll make people kind of uncomfortable. But I've learned over time that, you know, once it when that happens, I kind of play Russian Roulette with it. Like I'm like, Oh, it's silent. Let's see how long it can be silent before they speak out of nervousness. Because I used to be that person where I'd be like, Oh, no, it's silent. You have to say something, like, just enjoy the moment for a moment. So just know that silences are okay. Just you know, enjoy the moment, something will come to your head. You know, sometimes that might be the end of the conversation, who knows. But either way, welcome silence, don't be so afraid of it. Another thing here, missing the moment. So let's say you're having your you know, you're having a good conversation with someone cracking jokes or whatever. And then someone says something and you think of like, a really good joke to say about that. That moment is fleeting, so you probably have about three to six seconds, maybe more. It's hard to tell sometimes. But to tell that joke, I could tell you something. If it's 20 seconds later, it's way too late. So don't go try to like, capture that moment again, because it's going to be fleeting. So if you think is something funny, you probably have to say it relatively quickly, because there's a lot of timing involved in making people laugh. So you kind of crack a joke a little later, a little later. But it's, I'm telling you right now, just let it go. A lot of times, there's so many times where I've like thought of something funny, but it's been a little bit too late. And I'm like, huh, yeah, I missed out. I missed that one. So just stay in the moment, you'll think of something else later. Don't, don't fret over it. Because if you fret over it, you're going to be taken out of the moment, you're going to like lose your presence in the conversation. And it won't go as well. And trust me, so always understand timing of jokes and timing of situations. I learned something a while back about empathy versus sympathy, and how it's good to be empathetic, but it's not as good to fall deep into sympathy. So like empathy is kind of like understanding someone's state of mind or someone's situation or whatnot. Sympathy is kind of like going there with them. So if someone's like depressed, or real sad, it's not necessarily great to like, be super sympathetic and feel because eventually you'll start feeling very sad as well. And that doesn't necessarily help the other person. I noticed that sometimes when someone is close to me, and they're like, really bummed out, I won't really change my state. I'll kind of pause and like Like, let me let me give you an example, my buddy had a heart attack. And I was in the hospital room with him. And man, he was in a lot of pain, like a lot of pain. And, you know, maybe it's because I don't have that great of bedside manner, but I was mostly on my phone. Because there really is nothing I could help him with, other than just being there with him. So I was just kind of like, trying to, like, you know, be calm, and, you know, if he needed something, help him out. But for the most part, I wasn't gonna just sit like, if if it was like my child, it would be really hard to not experience that pain with him. But, you know, he, he went through it, and he got a lot better. And, you know, it was horrible for him. But I think the best thing I can do is just not panic, not let him feel like, you know, I was gonna be like, I don't know, I actually think it makes it worse sometimes when you go there with them in those moments. So I guess I was just being strong for the both of us. So remember that that's a really good thing that I learned. Empathy versus sympathy. You want to learn to be empathetic, that's a really good thing. But going deep into someone else's negative state is not good. Even though you're trying to help, it doesn't help them. And it's not good for either one of you. Okay, so let's talk briefly about Chuck Norris. So I remember, someone telling me one time that Chuck Norris became a black belt, in one year, it took him one year to be a black belt, it usually takes about two to three years. So what that tells me is he worked extremely hard on it, he probably spent hours every day, hours every week, to get to that point. And I want you to think about that. If you feel like you're never going to learn social skills. Because what I remember thinking, and when I heard that was, look, if I want to be really good at something, I need to put the time in. I can't there's no faking being a black belt, you're either going to put the work in, you're going to work, learn the techniques, you're going to, you're going to physically put the work in, you're going to practice, practice, practice, right. So you can probably learn to be an excellent socializer in one year. I mean, are you gonna do it, most people won't, but I'm not saying that you need you have to what I'm saying is, if you want to get better, you're gonna have to put in a certain amount of work. I remember, I went to an art gallery once and I saw this beautiful piece of glass art. And I remember thinking, when I was looking at it, like, my mind was blown how, how amazing. The piece of art was, and I was thinking, Man, whoever made this, obviously put years of time into his craft. And at the time, I was trying to be a DJ. And I remember just thinking, like, you know, I'm only DJing, like, two to two hours at most a week, I'm never going to be a professional DJ, if I am only putting in two hours a week, never, it's just never gonna happen. And I was thinking I'm like, Well, I don't think I'm gonna put in six to eight hours a day on it. So I need to reset my expectations. Because if I'm not going to put that much time in, I'm probably not going to be professional. So I need to find something else that I really enjoy. And then I that and that I am willing to put that much time into if I want to be really good at something. I mean, it was just a reality check for me. And I think it was a good thing like, yeah, I still like DJing sometimes, but not enough to put that much time into it. And I really think of social skills, especially when you when you start seeing that there's a lot of books and stuff on it. It's somewhat of a Pandora's box, in my opinion. Because once you realize, oh, other people are learning this stuff, other people are getting really good at it. There is a way to do it. So now there's no excuse. If I don't like being lonely, alone, have bad friendships or something like that, then now I know that you can get better, so rich, really much more of the responsibility is put onto you. So that's why I think of it as somewhat of a Pandora's box. Like once you learn that other people are doing it. In fact, a lot of people are doing it, and there's so many resources to learn to get better. You really have no excuse to not do it. I guess that's kind of a wake up call to some people. I really hope that you guys can put put a lot of effort into it and in fact, enjoy doing it because it's actually a really good thing to learn. I've had so many great experiences because of it. And so one thing I would say is, I really try to put a lot of information. Khurram has a ton of information on his podcast so I'd highly recommend if you haven't heard every single episode, go back and listen to all the episodes. And even if you have learned even if you have listened to every episode, go back into listen to everyone every episode again. And then like in a year, go on back and listen to it for a third time because there's so much information that you might learn something down the road or something might make a lot more sense as you get better. Yeah, I guess that's gonna be about it for this week. I guess I'll keep it kind of short. I'll try to do a Ah, actually I'm not gonna make any promises I guess we'll just gonna we're just gonna end on that so I hope you guys have an awesome week and I will talk to you guys again very soon. feeling the effects of a past life from a past life took the right path from the wrong Nike Japan taking this right what a bizarre life a pull up a car ride it's a Mustang with the beats Where have you seen him what it looked like? Oh women and take for granted a lot and a cannon issue for the moon in the stars numerous bronze beautiful being the Godfather key to be to people with the lucky young linen and the nice show see to press down. Now I'm thinking that life is better with buddy you bet on the brother You win in a tank tops with the eight ball and if it wasn't for you, we could be if it wasn't for you. We could be shame it's a damn shame.