TSSL - Episode 15 - Let's Review the Basics

We've gone over a lot of information in the last 14 episodes. I thought it might be nice to recap the most important elements of making new friends. If you like the show please leave a review  and subscribe. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!! Have a great week!

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:55

pulling away from the body I'm thinking much in the back seat for the Powerball we could do it on demand. Put the winning you know as games off of she sing along, man. And just when it couldn't get better, she broke my ear saying you got the chin. Ah, you got the juice. You have the bison, deposing you talking and walking the right way. sundown on, yo, what's going on? I'm back with another episode of the social skills lab. This is episode number 15. I was looking up on the I hosted on buzzsprout. And I was looking or see here. If you look on. Yeah, if you look on, or if I look on buzzsprout I was a little surprised. I was like, holy cow. I haven't done an episode at all this year. In fact, the last time I did an episode was back in December, I guess it was right before the new year. So it wasn't super long. But it's been a while. I know that when I first started, I was like I'm gonna do one every week. Yeah, obviously that hasn't happened. But I will keep it going. Looks like definitely getting some downloads. That's pretty cool. I was looking on iTunes, and somebody, somebody finally put a review up. So that's pretty cool. It says by quacky. This first pod it says first podcast that actually had great, easy and realistic, actionable things, people with social anxiety can do highly recommend. I wish I knew who the speaker was. So thank you so much. I really appreciate that you left a review khakis, and I am Nathan Ahmed. And so that's who the speaker is. I don't have a bunch of a social media presence because I try to stay off it for the most part, also. So yeah, if you are enjoying the show, remember to subscribe. And also, if you can leave a review. I'd really appreciate it. So thank you so much. I was looking also on the stats for the show. And it says here when I pull up locations, it's cool. People all over the world are downloading. We got Manhattan, Manhattan, New York. Hello Manhattan. Centennial, Colorado, Columbus, Ohio, Lake Stevens, Washington, San Jose, California. That's just down the road. Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario, Zephyr hills, Florida actually got a friend named Zephyr so zephyrhills, Florida pretty cool. Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas. Houston, Texas. So hello to everyone out there. Thank you so much for tuning in. I've been taking some notes. Sorry, I didn't mean to clear my throat right in your ear. I think it's been a while. Right? So, um, podcast has been up for about a year or so. We got about, actually, let me see how long it's been up. episodes. Okay, the first episode went up back in May, last May. Definitely went over a lot of information. So I thought we'd just do a quick recap. recap the basics. This is a podcast about social skills. You know, you could apply that in almost any area. Mostly I focus on just like, good interpersonal relations with friends. Like my main idea is just like, I love making new friends or having really good friends. So I think maybe, if you're here, that might be a main reason why you're looking up social skills to just you know, grow your social circle, or to actually maybe lose some of your bad friends, make some good new friends. I went online and I just typed in. Why should you have have social skills? Or why should you learn social skills? And what came up was this website about why, why you should teach your kid kids social skills. So I just jotted down a quick couple things. And I would, I would agree with these. So first, it says, it allows you to allows you to enjoy better peer relationships, reduces stress. I thought that was interesting, because I went to a birthday party the other night. And there was about 20 people there. And when my friend invited me, because it was his birthday, I've been to his birthday dinners before, usually pretty fun. I usually know a few people there. But there's usually a lot of people I don't know. And there was definitely a lot of people I didn't know, the other night, there was probably about 1520 people there. And I just remember thinking, Man, back in the day, if I was going to something where I didn't really know, a lot of people it was gonna be it was, I was stressed out about it. And the other night, when I went zero stress, I was not stressing at all, I was really looking forward to it. And that just comes with time. Because I just knew that there was going to be cool people there, I was gonna know some people there, and we were just gonna, you know, it's good to see my friend celebrate his birthday. And when I got there, there was definitely a couple people I knew. I sat at the end of the table. I didn't know I only knew one person there. But I quickly introduced myself to everyone there and just was started chatting up people. And we basically just had a good time. So you'll learn that after a while that those situations are easily managed. And they're actually pretty fun. Also. So they also wrote that these skills can be learned and strengthened with effort in practice. And I will agree with that that's I definitely was able to learn it and got much better with effort and practice. And you said also says need needs ongoing refinement as you get older. Okay, linked to greater success and better relationships. I'd agree with that. Friendships also give kids the opportunity to practice more advanced social skills, like problem solving and conflict resolution. I thought that was pretty interesting. The part that says, able to practice more advanced social skills. And yeah, so you kind of learn the basics. And then once you get into like, growing your social circle, there's definitely advanced social skills to learn. So that was pretty cool. So yeah, that was I found that on a website. And I thought it would just mention that stuff. So just to recap basic social skills, I would. And I've said this several times, but if you haven't, pick up some book, pick up a book on body language, pick up How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, because it's just like 300 pages of great tips. So there's no reason not to get that. And then also people skills by Robert Bolton, that's a really good book, make sure you get that one as well. And then also, in my personal journey, I came across some audio books by Steven Mitchell, the doubt a Ching in the second book of the Dow, just basically Eastern philosophy that I found to be extremely useful in social skills. So that's part of my recap to make sure you get those and go over those with a fine tooth comb. And new industry, remember to that your progress is not going to be linear, it's going to go up and down, up and down, up and down. You'll feel like you're making progress and then you'll feel like you're not making any progress. But if you stick with it, though, the general trend of your skills will be going up if you're really putting a lot of effort, and making serious effort at it, so you might feel like you might feel like you've gone six months and not made any progress but if you've actually put a lot of work in, you'd be surprised that you actually are making some progress, you might not notice it. Also, too, I noticed that I think after about five years I was like holy cow I've read so much self help. Watch so much help self help videos. Just been absorbed so much that I was like I'm just gonna take a few months off. I ended up taking a year or two off because It just like got to be too much. I just was like, let me just experience, I mean, just go out and do it. I just couldn't take anymore. But it was good to take a break. So I think you could actually get too far into it. So if you get to that point, it's okay to take a little time off. And then eventually, I did start going back into it. And I actually found that, when I got back into it, what I was getting back into is some of the early stuff, some of the basic stuff, I wanted to go back and make sure I understood the fundamentals. Okay, so when I say, let's recap, let's just talk about the basics real quick. Let's say, hey, I want to learn how to make more friends. I've obviously talked quite a bit about that on the podcast, but I'd like to just recap some of the basics. So number one, just start talking to more people start pushing the conversations further. Don't really focus on making friends just focus on trying to be more social person. And there's, there's a lot of opportunities out there. So there's no real reason to, there's no excuse to not work on social skills, there's plenty of opportunities that will come your way every week, unless you're in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere. Like just even if you're just like going shopping, just you know, a lot of times people don't really say much to the cashier, but a lot of times, I'll just be like, hey, how's your day going? Or, Hey, how you doing today? Or, you know, or I'll just be like, I was like, are you guys pretty busy today? You know, just something to push the conversation a little further. If you just say hi, how are you? That's not really a conversation starter. That's just a social politeness. It's not really you're not really going to get much. But if you're like, hey, so like, hey, how's your day gone? That's kind of, if you show actually you're interested, that will actually kind of start things going. Another thing too, is, if you're an anxious person, start meditating. Do it every day, 10 minutes, 30 minutes? I'm no, I'm not a professional. So I guess I can't say that. That's definitely gonna help. But it helped me quite a bit to meditate and be more present. Okay, so if you're talking to more people, and you're being a little more social, the next step is to start getting people's phone numbers or contact information. I think some people nowadays will just be like, Hey, what's your Are you on Snapchat or something like that? Or if you're on Facebook, something like that? I don't know. Tick tock, does that work? For you dislike you got a tick tock. But anyway, you can do just make sure you exchange contact information. If the conversations going well, if, if your seemed like you're vibing a little bit, it's really good to make sure you get that contact information. And it doesn't always pan out. So. But just getting into the habit of getting that information is the important part. And then once you have that information, the next day A few days later, hit them up, seeing if they want to grab a beer, seeing if they want to go grab some coffee, hey, do you want to catch a movie, if movie theaters are open? That's basically how you start to develop a friendship. also really important, make sure you take care of yourself, make sure you take care of your health, it will improve your vibe if you have a lot of energy. So if you feel like you're really low energy, you need to address it, you need to eat better, get some exercise, because it will help Believe it or not, it will help your social skills. And another thing too, that's really important for social skills is you need to work on your listening skills. It's so rare to meet people that actually have really good listening skills. A good sign of someone who doesn't have good listening skills is someone who will cut you off consistently doesn't really pay attention, you can tell they're not really listening. So listening skills are critical to really good social skills. I learned a lot about that. And in that john bolton book, people skills, there's a couple chapters on there. So really opened my eyes to what good listening skills are. And then also learning to be a good storyteller. Like are you working on your vocal tonality? Are you doing any vocal exercises, make sure you're doing those tons of them on YouTube. Also good storytelling is good hand gestures, lots of good stuff on YouTube about that. Learning to be funny or interesting, being authentic, being vulnerable, being curious, asking questions, all that stuff, you got to learn how to be. It takes time. But you know, if you're talking to someone, really the only point to talk to someone is to because it's fun or interesting. So learning more stuff, learning more about all types of different topics, history, science, pop culture, art, music, current events, history, you know, learn more about everything. It'll come up in conversations all the time. I've that's why I found that I think that's why my conversations actually go pretty well is because I keep under super hungry for more information, like, the more the more I learned, the more I want to learn. So I think that's why conversations seem to go pretty well, because I always have something to say about something that someone's talking about. So I can not, there's not that I'm gonna try to, like, run the conversation. But I'll, I'll be listening, when someone is talking about something that that they're, that they know about. And I'll be able to ask good questions, because I know a little bit about it. So. So yeah, that's really good to learn about. Also, we talked about the personal boundary, the ability to say, No, the ability to hear no, that's really important when developing friendships, because you have to have a good personal boundary. It helps you to, if you have a really good personal boundary, you'll meet other you'll make friends with other people that have good personal boundaries. And that's when you'll have a good friendship, a good quality friendship. So like, for example, went to this birthday party. And then afterwards, we went to the someone's house, like somebody set up DJ table and started DJing. And we were, I don't know, I wasn't, I wasn't really planning on going to that part. But I was like, yeah, I'll just come hang out for a little bit. But I left early. So I was saying no, to hanging out for a long time. And I was comfortable, like a I'll come by for a little bit. But you know, a probably does have a beer and then bounced, because I got a lot of stuff I got to do tomorrow. So and then also to a friend of mine was was gonna go with me to this, who live pretty close to me. So I hit him up, in my case, don't want to go. And he's like, Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna make it. So I was like, Okay, so that is the ability to hear now it I wasn't getting all butthurt about it. And I was okay with saying no, to sticking around late at night. And I was, I was okay with hearing now. So that's a good strong personal boundary, it's mature. Also, a big thing is learning to smile more, and really puts off a good vibe. Having a fake smile, doesn't work really well. How do you smile more, I don't know, be healthy, do things that are important to you. You know, I don't know, just smiling more seems to work a lot. Also, growing your social circle. Let's see, trying lots new things. Seems to help growing your social circle, you'll meet people in different stuff, doing different things. I also mentioned moving to a city if you live in the middle of nowhere. That's really important. It's a big step. But I did it and it worked really well. character, develop your character stop judging people. Something I learned about that I still, I still get a little road rage a little bit, just a little bit. And I remember hearing this Zen saying something about like, if you're on a lake, and all sudden a boat hits your boat. You won't get mad if there's no one in it. But if there's some if someone runs in your boat, and there's someone in there, you're gonna get mad. But if a boat runs into your boat, and you look in, there's no one in there, you won't get mad. And that's basically saying that there's you can still react the same way as if there was no one in it as if there was someone in it. So let's say for example, traffic, someone cuts me off. I get all mad. But let's just say for instance, there was no one in the car. I wouldn't get mad. So it's kind of weird, but in That same sense, that's the way an extremely mature person would react, they would react if there's no one in the car. So just basically, you act as if it's an empty boat. And I thought that was interesting. I still, I still get a little annoyed. So not quite there. Yep. And with all these, and with all these points that I'm getting at, I have a long way to go on all these things. So I'm not by an expert, by any means, but I'm definitely getting a lot better. And a lot of these areas, and I kind of thought, that's why I might make a podcast because sometimes if I'm hearing advice from an expert on social skills, sometimes I don't feel like I'm getting all the information I need, because they're so far down the road, that they can't quite relate to someone that's kind of starting out. So I thought this would be a bit good podcast, because I'm kind of like, in the middle, and I can still kind of relate to some of the stuff a new person is going through. And also, so another thing too, is learn to have gratitude, that's really going to help you with your social skills. It just puts off a better vibe. So like, every day, every day, I really tried to like take a moment and have gratitude. Gratitude that, you know, just even the basics, I have shelter, I have, I got shoes. Both my legs work, I'm pretty healthy. You know, the air is clean, the sun came up today, you know, just everything's going pretty well. So have gratitude. The more gratitude you have, the better attitude you're gonna have. I wrote this down too, that sometimes, it's easy to think that. You know, like, oh, man, I wish I had this person as a friend or that person as a friend. But the reality kinda Is it the other person is lucky to have you as a friend. Your friendship is a gift. So the other night when I was I was thinking, I'm like, man, I had such a good time. So you might someone my friends, again, it's been a long time. I'm really grateful for their friendship. But the truth is, they're probably just as grateful for my friendship, too. So it's a really, it's a two way street. So the more you work on your social skills, and the more you can be a good friend, you're really giving people a gift. So it's a, it's a noble quest, I think. So also, on that note, also, don't judge don't judge people's music. Don't judge people's politics, which is extremely easy for me. Because when you judge when you hold contempt for someone, or a president or a former president, when you hold contempt, that's a poison pill that you're taking. And it's very easy to choose to not take that. So be forgiving, be a forgiving person. Some extremely important stuff. So all also another quick tip. Another quick tip is I have like, kind of a deadpan sense of humor. I can say something with a straight face. And there's times where I'm like, like an hour later, I'm like, Oh, I never even said I was joking. They probably think I was like a crazy person or an asshole because they didn't really know me. So if you're gonna do deadpan humor it kind of works really well with your friends because it get your type of humor, but it doesn't really work with someone who's, who doesn't really know you. So you kind of have to accentuate or exaggerate your expressions for them to get that so just a tip I wrote down that I kind of forgot to mention I think so. I don't know. But I think that's gonna be it. Because that's all I wrote down. So if you're enjoying the show, be sure to subscribe if you want to leave a review I'd really appreciate it. And I guess that's about it. I'll talk to you guys soon. Have a good one. Feeling effects of a past life from a past life took the right path on the wrong night to Japan taking this right. What a bizarre life a pull up a car ride. It's a Mustang with the beats Where have you seen him what it look like? Oh, women granted upper Milan and again in issue for the moon in the stars numerous broth beautiful being the co founder kita chin below people with the peg felt like john lennon and the nice show see the breakdown. So now I'm thinking that life was better with buddy you bet on the brother You win in the tank tops with the eight ball and if it was a vu we could be if it wasn't for you, we could be shame it's a damn shame