Humanitarian organisation Kim Sorrelle

The Tim Heale Podcasts S3 E63 Kim Sorrelle

In this episode I have a chat with Kim: 

Kim Sorrelle is the director of a humanitarian organization, popular speaker, and the author of two  books. Her first book, Cry Until You Laugh, is about her and her husband's battle with cancer after being diagnosed just four months a part. 

Her second book, Love Is, chronicles her year long quest to figure out the true meaning of love, a sometimes funny, sometimes scary, always enlightening journey that led to life-changing discoveries found mostly on the streets of Haiti.  

https://www.kimsorrelle.com
AMAZON BOOK LINKS
Love Is - Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Yearlong-Experiment-Living-Corinthians/dp/0825446740/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1647921925&sr=8-1

Love Is:  https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yearlong-Experiment-Living-Corinthians/dp/0825446740/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1640388089&sr=8-2

Cry Until You Laugh - Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cry-Until-You-Laugh-Funny/dp/1630472670/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1647921985&sr=8-2
Cry Until You Laugh: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=cry+until+you+laugh+kim+sorrelle&crid=33PTBPU1QIXXV&sprefix=cry+unti%2Caps%2C104&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_8

Discover The Parallel Six series, Letters from Afghanistan and The Empty Return at https://timheale.uk.

Discover Tim Heale’s books—including The Parallel Six series, Letters from Afghanistan and The Empty Return—along with his films and broadcasts. Visit https://timheale.uk and join Tim’s Despatch to keep in touch.https://timheale.uk

Transcript

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0 (1s):
The Tim Heale podcasts, ordinary people's extraordinary stories.

1 (15s):
Welcome to series three, a good Tim Heale podcast. In the last two series I've told you about my life. I've met many interesting people along the way who have become my friends and what they all have in common is they have fascinating stories of their own, which they are happy to share with you. Now, thank you for listening. Welcome to the team hill podcast. In this episode, I'm going to have a chat with Kim. Kim's going to tell us all about her life. So Kim, if you could tell us where on when you were born, if you could describe what it was like, where you grew up, the schools you went to and the education that you received.

1 (59s):
So Kim, over to you,

3 (1m 1s):
Thank you so much, Tim. Thanks for having me. I still been looking forward to connecting with you. So I grew up in Michigan in the United States, in the north, the great white north of the U S where we have four seasons. And one of them is really long are winters seemed to be way too long with the snow. But I grew up by two older brothers were all about 12 months apart, the three of us each. And so my parents were very busy for a period of time there. And so I am the youngest and the only girl, which is the perfect place to be in any family.

3 (1m 45s):
So I always known that I'm in a good spot and that's where I am. I take full advantage of it. And Yeah, yeah. When my brothers made me tough, I think I played sports in school. I played basketball, volleyball and softball all the way through high school. And, and then I coached for a lot of years. And so I think they made me kind of a tomboy, but that's good. That's fun. That's fun. So, yes. And then school, I went to Catholic school for a short time. Our church was blown away by a tornado.

3 (2m 25s):
And so it was, school was only six, seventh and eighth grade at the Catholic school. And other than that, I was at the public school and then went on to Michigan state university.

1 (2m 42s):
Yeah, I'm going to kindergarten yet. So what was it, what was your kindergarten like? Can you remember much of that?

3 (2m 54s):
Yeah. Well, the thing that I remember the most about kindergarten is Mrs. Mench was my, and if you got in trouble, she would take the chalk and draw a circle on the chalkboard. And you had to put your nose in the circle and tell, she told you, you could sit down again. And that wasn't fun. It wasn't fun.

1 (3m 17s):
It sounds pretty harsh discipline to me for kindergarten type.

3 (3m 22s):
Yeah, no kidding. I know it wasn't a good time. Yeah. I got in trouble mostly for talking. Believe it or not of all things in the world, so yeah, I think they can. Yes.

1 (3m 40s):
So, so once you got your nose off the job board, did you move up to an elementary school? Slightly better disciplined?

3 (3m 53s):
I think so. I learned that I didn't want my nose ever on the chalkboard again. And so I certainly tried to behave in school. I didn't get in a lot of trouble. I always had a lot of friends, which is good and dogs. We had big dog, great, big, great Dane and bigger than me. And so we'd go for a walk and yeah, we'd go for walking and he would take me for a walk. I wasn't the Walker. I was a walking.

1 (4m 27s):
So elementary school then. So how did he get on a little bit? Let's just have a look. How you got to school. You said that you're in, you got four seasons of winters the longest. Did you go to school on skis?

3 (4m 43s):
You know, there were times that I certainly could have, and I did walk to school and we would walk home for lunch every day and we weren't that close. So I don't remember how much time we had for lunch, but apparently plenty because we walked home and ate and walked back again. And I was always jealous of the kids that live too far away to walk home for lunch because they got to bring their lunch and a paper bag and sit on the gym floor and eat. And for some reason that sounded so enticing to me. And, but I had to go home and eat probably a hot meal that my mom made it wasn't near as good as peanut butter and jelly out of gym floor would have been

1 (5m 28s):
Fair enough. So you didn't manage to ski to school. I mean, I was saying kids ski, just go in Norway and Sweden and everywhere about what your landscape, the school. So it wasn't that sort of, you didn't get that opportunity to date as well. Skin did you escape?

3 (5m 51s):
I skied I've skied one time. This I've cross-country skied a bunch of times, but downhill skate. I skied one time. I think I was in seventh grade, around 11, 12 years old, probably. And I never got off the bunny hill. Matt is the extent of my ski abilities, unfortunately. And in fact, I always thought I should take up a winter sport. You know, something that I enjoy doing out in the snow and then maybe I would look forward to winter, but I never have, so I still have to come up with one.

1 (6m 31s):
Yeah. So I used to be a Nordic ski instructor. I used to teach Nordic, but, but my heart lies with Telemark and sailor compare completely in Telemark competitions and stuff like that.

3 (6m 44s):
Wow. Well, so now I know who to go to, to learn how to skate. All right. Well, good. I'll look forward to it.

1 (6m 54s):
So elementary school. So how how'd you get on there? Was it, was it a continuation of your kindergarten In school together?

3 (7m 9s):
Nope. The same school stayed at the same school and recess was my favorite part of the day and gym class. And I was a good student. My parents had high expectations for us. We weren't allowed to get a C we could only get a know what other people's grading systems are like, but A's, and B's are above average. And so we had to get always A's and B's, we weren't ever allowed to get a C and, but I really enjoyed recess. That was, that was a good time on the equipment outside. That was fun.

1 (7m 51s):
So what would happen if you did get a C?

3 (7m 54s):
Well, I got to see one time and all of my years of school and I was in fifth grade, so I was 10 probably. And I got to see and reading and I actually, they call it, I had a wandering eye and so reading gave me a headache. And so I hated it. I hated to read. And so I just kind of didn't do it and then tried to fill in some answers on the paper. And I got a C and so, because I got to see, I get to bring reading home every single night until I brought my grade up at the next three, four card.

3 (8m 38s):
So that was my punishment for getting a C

1 (8m 43s):
Th there's two ways of looking at it. And they're super harsh or is good for you.

3 (8m 50s):
Right? Definitely good for me, for sure. I did have surgery eye surgery at the end of that year. So I think at the end, my parents ended up feeling bad, realizing that the reason I got the C was the horrible headaches and then I hit surgery and I was okay again. But so, you know, sometimes it's fun though, Tim, it's kind of fun when you can hold something over your parents had make them feel a little guilty about that. You know, when you can say, mom, can I stay up till 10? No, you can't all remember my eye. And then all of course you can say Belton.

1 (9m 27s):
Yeah. My brothers are staying up late. He used that one once or twice. I'm sure

3 (9m 33s):
That's right. That's right. Of course, of course.

1 (9m 38s):
So you got your eyesore and obviously you, you read indeed improve after that. That's the last time you've got to see moving on then. So there was this, the Catholic school, the junior high.

3 (9m 56s):
Yeah. I went off to junior high for the Catholic school. So that was before, before the Catholic school. Yes. I was raised Catholic. Yeah.

1 (10m 8s):
So say no y'all spectacles testicles while at watched job.

3 (10m 12s):
Exactly. I know exactly how all the time We had to go to confession once a month. And I never knew what to confess. Cause I mean, cause, cause the priest, cause we went to mass every morning and the priest obviously knew who was sitting in the confessional. It wasn't like it was a secret. And I thought for sure, if I told what I was really doing, somehow it would get back to sister Mary Lewis and I would be toast. I would be in so much trouble. So I did not. So I would say things like my mom asked me to empty the dishwasher.

3 (10m 56s):
And at first I said, no, that was, that was my big sin. Every time A five, five hail Mary's in co-borrower fathers. I want to though sometime have something juicy. Like when I knew what was going to be my last confession with him, you know, the end of eighth grade before going to the high school, I thought, man, I, I got to come up with something really good, but I didn't check in Dallas.

1 (11m 29s):
So you had, you had nuns there as rolling. What were they like?

3 (11m 34s):
So it was sixth, seventh and eighth grade. So there were three teachers and all through the three grades, we would, we had all three teachers because some taught, you know, like this rail was taught English and sister Rosalita taught math and then we had a lay teacher. Mr Klayman. And so the were interesting, a lot of things that you hear about nuns as teachers are true. They're very strict, very, very strict. And there were a couple notable things that happened when I was in junior high. One was I had a boyfriend.

3 (12m 15s):
I was in seventh grade. He was an older man. He was an eighth grade and yes. Yeah. It was quite quite a thing. And his name was Jack and I, every day we wrote letters to each other and we would talk on the phone sometimes. And that was our whole relationship relate, you know, see each other at school. And you know, when you're that young. And so I was sitting in math class and Cicero's the latest class and I always bored. And so I was writing a letter to Jack and sister Rosalita saw me and told me to stop. And so I said, okay. And then I stopped for a second. And then I started writing again. Well she warned me again.

3 (12m 56s):
And the third time she took it away and then she gave it to sister Mary Lewis who gave it to the priest, gave it to the Monsignor. And then sister Mary Lewis read my letter in front of my whole class. And she read my letter in front of Jack's whole class. And my brother was in that class. I was devastated. I was just devastated. And I thought, yeah, I probably shouldn't be writing letters in school, I guess. And then the other big thing that happened because again, nuns sisters, you know, and so sister, sister Mary Lewis was the principal and the main eighth grade teacher and the English teacher.

3 (13m 41s):
So end of our eighth grade year and the school was very small. I had 26 kids in my whole grade. And so we were always together and everybody was friends because there were only so many of us. So there was a boy in my, in my class. I happened to be my boyfriend's younger brother. His name was Fred. So Jack's younger brother Fred. And we had to clean our desks at the end of eighth grade. And because you know, messy desk is the devil's workshop or something who knows. I don't, I think it's in first Corinthians or something. And so Fred always had a very messy desk and he got really mad because sister scolded him for his messiness and he ended up telling sister where to go.

3 (14m 29s):
And it wasn't a pleasant place that he wanted her to go. So it didn't go over very big. And he stormed out of the classroom and we were, we were just didn't even know what to say. Like you could hear a pin drop in the room because we didn't know what sister Mary Lewis was going to do. And we were sure that it was going to start thundering right in the room and stuff was going to start flying around and people's heads were going to start spinning. I don't know. We were scared. Well, the next day Fred showed up at class. He showed up at school and we're thinking he's done for the year. There's no way he's coming to school. He, he, he will die. Sister will kill him if he comes back to school that we were sure of that.

3 (15m 11s):
So before class started sister Mary Lewis asked me to go up to her desk and she said, Kim, when school starts, I want you to raise your hand. And then I want you to stand up by your desk. That was the first thing that was wrong because we never stood up by our desk. We'd raise our hand to get called on, but we never get to stand up by her desk. So stand up by your desk. And then she wanted me to say to the class sister, are we going to let Fred graduate with us? Because eighth grade graduation was just a couple of days away. And I thought, oh, why are you doing this to me? So the class settled down, I'm sitting in class.

3 (15m 53s):
Sister kind of gave me the nod. So I raised my hand and I stood up and did what I had to do. I said, sister, are we gonna let Fred graduate with the class? And just as I was sitting back down, sister, Mary Lewis said, I don't know, Kim, what do you think we should do? Not at all prepared for that. And she didn't prep me. She didn't tell me she was going to do that to me. And we were all friends. Fred was my friend and I S I stumbled a bit and I don't even really remember what I said. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die myself right then, or tell sister where to go.

3 (16m 33s):
But I knew that wasn't a good idea. So that was that, that was a fun experience. That was fun.

1 (16m 42s):
And did Fred graduate with you or not Lucky for him? Did he get, did he, do you know if he got punished at all?

3 (16m 54s):
You know, I don't know. I know that I never had to go into system Ray Lewis, his office, but I do know that there was a wooden board in there that she used on more than one occasion. And I don't know if Fred got introduced or re-introduced to the wooden board or not, but I'm not sure what happened to poor Fred.

1 (17m 19s):
So you graduated along with Fred,

3 (17m 23s):
With fad that's all right.

1 (17m 25s):
So what happen to in high school then?

3 (17m 28s):
Yeah. So in high school, most everybody that I graduated with went on to the Catholic high school, but my brothers and I did not, we went to the public high school and I graduated with 130 kids. So it wasn't a big school. And I did everything that you can do. In high school. I played basketball, volleyball, and softball. I kept statistics for the boys basketball team. I was a class officer. I was on student council. I was on national honor society. I was in the musicals. I was in the choir, which they never should have. Let me be in the choir. I can't sing a lick and choir.

3 (18m 11s):
I don't know why the choir director led me in and I had to even audition for it. And she heard me say, and she's still loved me in, you know, years later, my kids begged me not to say I was in the choir. For some reason I was in the choir. It was fun. But yeah, I had a, I had a great time in high school. Well, we did both musical and non-musical theater. So most of the plays that we did that didn't involve music or one act plays. We had the night of one acts and different plays that we did. And then the musical theater, we did George M Cohan.

3 (18m 55s):
And then we did Andy, get your gun and bye bye birdie and carousel. And because I couldn't sing, I got all the greatest non singing parts. It was a good nun singing bird. That's the one I got

1 (19m 17s):
Brilliant. So you didn't have to saying, but you got a bit about, Well, obviously you didn't get any because you couldn't sing, but

3 (19m 28s):
Yeah, I wasn't ever lead, but I was always, you know, sort of comic relief or whatever I like. And carousel, I was a carousel owner because she never had to sing. I was Birdie's mom and <inaudible>, that was a really fun part to play. I was Sylvia Porter Potter, and Annie get your gun. I don't know. Anyway, so it was fun. It was

1 (19m 52s):
So on. The sports team said mean, was that just a school level? Did they take on other schools? Did you, did you take on a Catholic school on,

3 (20m 7s):
I wish I could say we took on a Catholic school and beat him, but the Catholic school was pretty darn good and they were bigger than we were, but yeah, we ran a league, we played all the, you know, the schools of our size, basically that were in the area. And, and then there was a state tournament too. So districts and regionals and whatever, and that was never on a team that was good enough to make it fast districts or to win our conference even. But, but we did. Okay. We were, you know, usually over 50% wins in a season, so we did all right.

1 (20m 48s):
<inaudible> I guess.

3 (20m 52s):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting, you can't tell from where you're seated, but I am all of five foot, one and three quarter inches tall and Well in high heels, I can get a little past five, three, I think. But so, so for sports, you know, it's kind of nice to have some height, but yeah. So I was the point guard in basketball and the soccer and volleyball, and I played second base. And so they put me in places that I didn't have to be tall. It was very kind of them, for sure.

1 (21m 34s):
So moving on then. So when did you graduate high school?

3 (21m 40s):
What year?

1 (21m 42s):
Yeah. W when

3 (21m 44s):
Super fine. 79 is when I graduated. Yes.

1 (21m 50s):
And did you go on to college after that?

3 (21m 54s):
I did, but I was going to be the first woman president. That was my plan of the United States. And so when I was in high school, yeah. So when I was in high school, that was my plan. And I had my life laid out before me. I knew exactly where I was going to go to school, what I was going to do next. I was going to Paige in the Senate, you know, the things that I was going to do, steps I was going to take to get there. And I was never going to get married and never have kids because that would just interfere with my plans. And then the very end, a couple of weeks before high school graduation, this tall dark handsome man walked into the room and I fell head over heels in love with him.

3 (22m 41s):
And 10 days after we met, I asked him if he'd married me. And he said, yes. And we got married a little less than a year later, Which is insane, but it worked. It was good 18. Yes. He was 22. So, Well, I ended up, I, I went, I started in college and went to college and then I stopped going so that he could finish his college so that I could work and he could finish his college, but I started a business right out of high school and, and it did well.

3 (23m 24s):
And so I never returned to college because then I just started businesses and ran businesses. And that was my, my life.

1 (23m 35s):
So what was the first business you've run at school?

3 (23m 39s):
So the first business was, we were looking for a way to pay for college, my brothers, I, and so with my mom and dad and my two brothers, we bought an old five story furniture, manufacturing building that had been empty for a lot of years and we leased space. So we had a lot of tenants for warehousing, some light manufacturing, some office space, and it did well. And so we bought another one and another one and another one and, and it grew and grew. And couple of years later there was a nine hole golf course for sale.

3 (24m 21s):
I bought that and turned it into 18 and, and then felt some buildings. And so it was an event facility. So a lot of weddings and golf outings and things happening there. And I don't know, we bought a grocery store in St. Croix in the Virgin islands at one point. That was fine. So just kind of different things throughout the years.

1 (24m 46s):
Oh, right. So you're what I call an entrepreneur then For this sort of thing. So he ended up being a property bank net.

3 (24m 60s):
Yes. Yeah. Yup, yep. Yeah. The property business was great. It was great. And we ended up selling most of the buildings right before the, the crash that we had here in 2008. So, so that,

1 (25m 15s):
So we did,

3 (25m 18s):
Yeah, we got lucky, I think on that one. So it was,

1 (25m 25s):
So your husband, then what, what did he major in if you was funding him through his university college?

3 (25m 34s):
Yeah. Electronics was his thing. So he was just a whiz at, could fix anything and, you know, had great understanding for electronics. And, and so he, he started that career and then, then we needed a superintendent, a groundskeeper for the golf course. So I made him quit that job and become a groundskeeper poor guy. So, but He did. Okay. He did. Okay. But always the general managers.

3 (26m 14s):
So I was as boss and, but I wasn't bossy most of the time. I don't think

1 (26m 24s):
There's no bossy cam on all augment some, some height, height challenged. And I always seem to be a little bit Bosch.

3 (26m 39s):
Well, okay. I might've been a little modesty, I guess I got to own that, but yeah. Yeah. So he, but he was great. He was great at what he did. He learned at the golf course, always looked beautiful. So, so he did a good job.

1 (26m 55s):
So it was a good greenskeeper.

3 (26m 57s):
He was a good greens keeper. Yeah. And I started coaching two right out of high school and he thought if he wanted to spend any time with me, you better learn how to be in the gym. So he became my assistant coach after a couple of years. And so, yeah, so it was his boss. And then he was my assistant coach and this six foot three kind, man, I so looked up to him. I coached basketball for about 25 years and I coached volleyball for 17 years.

3 (27m 42s):
High school level.

1 (27m 44s):
Yeah. So what did you go into school for that? Or was there afterschool club?

3 (27m 51s):
No, it wasn't a club. It was the, it was the high school team. So we competed on a state level and of my 17 years of coaching volleyball, all but one, we were ranked in the top 10 teams in the state. So I I'm, I'm bossy and I like to win. So I make sure the girls worked hard so that we could win the games As a girls team. Yeah. If I did two years of boys volleyball, boys volleyball is popular in some areas of the country, but not so much in Michigan where I am.

3 (28m 32s):
And so they started a program and it lasted for two years and never getting back again. So

1 (28m 42s):
The

3 (28m 42s):
Girls carried on. Yup. Yup.

1 (28m 45s):
I guess the guys were playing football. What I, and

3 (28m 49s):
Yeah. Yeah. My basketball and baseball and soccer whatever's forts, right? Yeah. Yup.

1 (28m 59s):
So where we going now? So it did that, you're a bit of an entrepreneur managed to get out at the right time. So what I found out, you got rid of all your businesses, is that when you started coaching or was your coaching at that time as well?

3 (29m 19s):
Oh yeah. No. I was coaching and running businesses and having children and, you know, volunteering for a couple other things. And cause I liked to stay busy, bossy busy, and, and I like to win all those things, I guess. So, yeah. So I, a couple of years into our marriage, I had our child and when she was four and a half years old, I had our fourth child. So they were all in a row. And then we adopted a son from the Dominican Republic. So I have four sons and a daughter and the daughter was more work than all four sons combined.

3 (30m 4s):
Anybody knew Anybody who has more than one daughter. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Boys were so much easier.

1 (30m 16s):
So now being grown up and where did this lead you up? Where are, where are you now? What's happened over the last few years?

3 (30m 29s):
Well, so a few years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and four months later, my husband on Mr. Tall, dark and handsome greenskeeper was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away six weeks after that. And so, Yeah, yeah, it was quite a time because, you know, it's hard enough as, you know, one person in the family with cancer. So to, we have both of us at the same time was crazy. And then his diagnosis and prognosis of course was much worse than mine because I'm still here to tell about it. And, and so I, I wrote a book actually, I started writing because I went to the bookstore and everything was either very depressing or very medical.

3 (31m 21s):
And I thought, I just want to know what I'm going to go through. I want to know what it feels like. I want to know if there's choices to make, I want to know whatever. And so I, I started writing as a way to kind of update family and friends, but it was much more than that. And that became my first book cry until you laugh as the name of that book. And I learned a lot, I learned a lot about cancer, a lot about life with cancer, a lot about caretaking and care receiving and, and whatever. And yeah, it was an interesting time for sure.

1 (31m 59s):
So it's all dog then Henson lasted six weeks from diagnosis to <inaudible> and, and you were obviously were you in treatment and that's all I am. And your treatment started, I mean, four months in, I guess your treatment would have been right in the middle of it.

3 (32m 25s):
Yeah. Yeah. I still had some things to go through after he passed away, but the majority or a lot of what I had to go through, I was through, I just had to through a few more things, but yeah, but I don't know, but it was nothing compared to what he went through.

1 (32m 49s):
Yeah. Was it a tough time? Honestly, pancreatic cancer is, is one of the killers and Jeremy's a fairly swift killer as well from, from being diagnosed to die in six weeks was really tough. Six weeks for him.

3 (33m 8s):
You know, we actually had a really, really great six weeks. We, our prayer from the beginning because we know what that diagnosis means is that, you know, either take it away, you know, like he'll like the blind and the, then the deaf and the lame, you know, or, or having sounds like a pretty cool place, but don't let himself far, you know, we just didn't want him to suffer and we had great care, great hospice care, wonderful people and any didn't. He did not suffer until the very, very, very end. He woke up on a Sunday morning and was painful.

3 (33m 51s):
And I called the hospice nurse and she came right over and started making phone calls to get a hospital bed and whatever, because we were just home and everything was fine until then, or, you know, as fine as it could be until then. And, but then he wasn't sitting on the edge of the bed and just kind of rocking cause he was in so much pain and I was holding him from behind. So he wouldn't fall off the bed and could tell that he was absolutely miserable. So I just whispered in his ear and I said, baby, just go. And he took his last breath and it was that quick.

3 (34m 32s):
It was just like that. Yeah.

1 (34m 37s):
That's tough.

3 (34m 40s):
Yeah. I mean, you've been through it, you know, you know how tough it is. Yeah,

1 (34m 45s):
Yes, yeah. Yeah. For me it was, it was the second time he came back and he came back, she had non-Hodgkin's hard grade lymphoma and it came back a second time, but it was more aggressive. The second time, what I had done was they, they was to do a stem cell transplant on us and they're taken up taking a stem cell, which effectively killed our immune system. But what I hadn't realized that the, that the cancer had got through a brain and probably a finished her off last, the last week, she was in intensive care and it was horrible to watch unfold and we were there when she died.

1 (35m 38s):
So from that perspective yet it was, it was a difficult time.

3 (35m 45s):
I

1 (35m 45s):
Really don't want to go for it again.

3 (35m 48s):
Yeah. Yeah. It's it's I, you know, it teaches you a lot though. Right? One of the things that I learned is that, that I should have learned here as a whole, but really learned through, through that whole thing was there are some things in life you just don't get to choose you don't you have no choice over, like, I wouldn't have chosen my husband to have cancer, to have cancer myself. You wouldn't have chosen for your wife to have cancer of course, or choose to leave her, lose her when you did. And I wouldn't have chosen that for anything, but there are things that I do get to choose. So like how I'm going to live and to be happy and to enjoy life and embrace the life that I have.

3 (36m 34s):
And so those are the choices that I have control over. So those are the choices I make.

1 (36m 41s):
Yep. So usually it's a bill on out. Worry. If, if you can't do anything about something, there is no point in worrying about it. If you can do something about it, then there's no point in worrying about it because you can do something about it. Don't be worried gets you nowhere.

3 (37m 3s):
No, it doesn't, it doesn't accept, you know, on the road to a stomach ulcer or something probably.

1 (37m 8s):
Yeah. So there's no point in worrying about anything.

3 (37m 12s):
Yeah. I like that. I'm going to, I'm going to live by that from now on no worry. Yeah.

1 (37m 19s):
Yeah. The other one is live every day as OSHA lost. Cause one day we'll be, and I say guarantee, I'll call guarantee. You're going to get taxed, but I can guarantee you're going to die.

3 (37m 31s):
Right. Right. And to the best of us.

1 (37m 35s):
Absolutely. So what did you do after he passed on obviously you used to going for your treatment,

3 (37m 50s):
Right? Yeah. So, yeah. So I got through the rest of my treatment and you know, then, then it's this whole new life, right? Like, you know, I planned on being the old couple in our nineties, sitting on rockers on a porch, drinking lemonade. And so, you know, there was, that was obviously not going to be happening. So I did what I think every other woman, who's 47 years old when she loses her husband, does I, I went to Haiti Which may or may not be what other people do, but that's what I decided to do. So I went, I went to Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere and I went to work.

3 (38m 33s):
I, I did nonprofit work and in Haiti and yeah. And, and I also do, the other thing that I did is really questioned the true meaning of love. I wasn't sure what love meant anymore. And if I was really doing it right. And, and so I decided I dedicate a year to figuring it out. So I did. Yeah. They were, they were all grown. They were all in their twenties. When my husband passed away, they were all in their twenties and a couple of them had kids already.

3 (39m 14s):
And so we have grandchildren. Yeah. Yeah. My youngest Noah, his name is, he changed his path because of what happened with my husband. He was going to do something in medicine that he was doing his undergrad at the time. And he ended up wanting to get his PhD in stat. And he's a cancer researcher now, Dr. Noah. So it's kind of cool because maybe we need researchers.

1 (39m 53s):
So tell me about what you did in Haiti, what the course was or what the nonprofit organization, what work you were doing there.

3 (40m 4s):
Yeah. So it's a partnering organization. So we work with people who in their own country, you have a passion and mission and vision to do something, to help people in their own country. So they understand the language, they understand the culture, they understand the real needs, but they just need somebody to walk alongside. Like, it's awful hard to have a school without pencils, you know, without the supplies that you need or without a building or medical clinic with no bandages. And so we shipped a lot of 40 foot containers, retainers over full of stuff for a lot of different organizations over there and worked with a lot of schools.

3 (40m 47s):
A lot of medical clinics were some orphanages, some business projects, giving people, jobs, making a way to, for people to earn a living and work toward a lot of self-sustainability doing some farm projects and, and whatever we could do, whatever made sense to be now.

1 (41m 15s):
All right. So who actually said is, was it already set up or is it something you set up and just joined?

3 (41m 23s):
Well, my father actually had started the organization in 2000 and there was somebody who he had running it. And when I was through all my cancer stuff and deciding what I was going to do, if I was going to go back into my businesses or whatever, cause I had a son who was working in the businesses who kind of took over. And so I ran into the man who was running the nonprofit and ran into him at the grocery store. And I said, is there anything you need help with? You know, is there anything I can do? And I said, what about the books? You know, what about bookkeeping? And he said, oh yeah, gosh, if you could be bookkeeper, that'd be awesome.

3 (42m 5s):
So I started as a part-time bookkeeper, as I was figuring out what I was going to do. And then 12 days into that job, there was an earthquake in Haiti that killed 200,000 people. So two weeks later I was in Haiti and then I was in 80 every month for the next several years.

1 (42m 29s):
That's a bit different from a bookkeeping.

3 (42m 33s):
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little, a little different than bookkeeping. Yeah.

1 (42m 38s):
So when you arrived in it, I mean, you got all this devastation that's gone on what, I mean, how did, how did you get in to do that work? I mean, obviously there's, there's a huge amount of devastation. There's a huge amount of logistical issues that need to happen, that you got military in there, sorting stuff out. Where did you fit in and how to do gather?

3 (43m 7s):
Yeah, well, you know, it's, it's an interesting thing, right? So I knew a couple of people in Haiti. And so I worked with them to translate cause I also don't speak the language. And so, and getting around was hard, lots of roads that were completely blocked off because of all the debris. But at that point in time, 10 cities started popping up around Port-au-Prince around the Capitol. And so getting tents down their tents and tarps because people were sleeping outside and for a long time, people were afraid to sleep inside. Even if their home didn't have any damage at all, they were still afraid to sleep inside.

3 (43m 49s):
And of course there's all the aftershocks that you get with a big earthquake. And so those, those were happening. So people were sleeping outside in the rain and the weather. And so the most important thing at the beginning was getting tents and tarps to people. And so I worked closely with a lot of the tent cities. They kind of would establish their own government within their area. And so I would work with, with them to find out what the needs of the, of the tent cities were. There were a lot of food needs. Of course, a lot of hygiene needs a lot of medical needs. And, and then I just got everybody the things that they needed, you know, we just worked hard to make adamant.

1 (44m 38s):
So where were we used? I notice you weren't in a stubborn and far star hotel where you live in hell 10 as well.

3 (44m 44s):
I spent some time in a tent, but I actually, there's an orphanage for children with disabilities that had a couple extra rooms that they would rent to people. And so that's mostly the time that's where I stayed was was there.

1 (45m 3s):
Hmm. So how long were you there for just, was it just a month and then you went back every year for a month or

3 (45m 12s):
No, I went every month. I went part of every month for the next several years. I was in a Haiti. So I go down for a couple of weeks and then home for a minute, you know, to get stuff done and then back down. So I was back and forth a lot, racked up a lot of frequent flyer miles. And so I spent a lot of time down there.

1 (45m 39s):
Yeah. And did you find that all of it?

3 (45m 42s):
Yeah. I funded a lot of it, but Right. And the organization to funded, funded, motivate as well. And so, but yeah, I used a lot, a lot of my own money to, to go down and, and do the work.

1 (46m 1s):
Excellent. So bring us, bring us more up to date now, then where, where, where are you now and how's life now for you?

3 (46m 13s):
So life is pretty incredible. Life has always been pretty incredible. I have not been to Haiti for a couple of years because of the political climate. It's just not a safe place to go right now. But besides Haiti, I do work in the Dominican Republic and in Burkina Faso in west Africa and a couple other places. So I'm still able to go to other places just, Haiti's not, not the best place to go right now, but I mean, we'll do work from here in Haiti because I know a lot of people in Haiti, so I can get a lot of work done from, from my home. And I just a month ago sold my last business.

3 (46m 56s):
And so I had a book that came out in December and the book is going a little crazy, which I think is good. It's I lived a year figuring out, trying to figure out the real meaning of love and totally changed my life. And I think would change anybody's life. And I think could change the world and had some crazy experiences along the way. I was chased by a motorcycle gang. I was, I had to sleep outside with the tranches and snakes and Tupa cobras or whatever lurks in the bushes of Haiti.

3 (47m 42s):
I got lost in a mile high mountain within the dark anyway. So it's the book is the stories that brought me to what I learned about love and people are buying it. I think the world is kind of desperate for some love right now.

1 (48m 2s):
Certainly all, especially after all we've been through for the last two years. I mean, at the band I make how's that treated you?

3 (48m 11s):
Yeah. The pandemic. Well, I've had COVID three times, so I think that's almost there. Yeah. Thank you. You had at once. Yeah. Well then I'm way ahead of you. You got some catching up to do, but I had it early on and then the most recent time I had, it was just last October. But the businesses that I was in while this was happening are events, weddings, and events, which came to a screeching halt for a while. And then the rules changed weekly. It seems on what we could do, how many people outside eventually moving, how many people inside.

3 (48m 55s):
And so it was a crazy to be in the food industry was a little nuts during COVID, but, but we made it and made it through. So I'm not sad to not be in the food industry anymore. I'm really okay with that. Cause it's a

1 (49m 14s):
Tough,

3 (49m 17s):
Yeah. The business is doing great. It was sold to somebody who owns a lot of catering facilities in town. And so they're yeah, very busy. I left them with a whole lot of business, so I think they're happy. So it's good. Yes. So for the future, I'm so passionate about this love thing, just because I, I, I thought I knew what love was. I thought I knew the real meaning and then found out that I was off base on a lot of it. And I, I thought I knew a lot of stuff.

3 (49m 57s):
So I'm pretty passionate about, about it because I just know that if people knew how to love the right way, knew what love really was then like in our country, we could have Republicans and Democrats actually sit down and have dinner together without throwing food. You know, some amazing things going to happen if people could just understand. And so that's my, my right now is that I'm speaking and whatever interviewing and whatever about my book.

3 (50m 36s):
So that's my, my current current things happening. I live in a, in a condo, on a high rise in the downtown, in my city. And I just, for some reason, bought a house. So now I'm going to have to figure out how to mow the lawn. I don't know what I was thinking. Exactly. And shovel snow, but so I have 11.

1 (51m 5s):
There you go. There's, there's your lawn mowing and just snow clearing for ya.

3 (51m 10s):
You've got to be the smartest person I've ever met. I love this such a great answer.

1 (51m 18s):
Having grandkids.

3 (51m 19s):
Yeah.

1 (51m 21s):
It can educate them on NASA, put a perfectly cut lawn and a clear snow from the drive.

3 (51m 27s):
Yup. That's great. And those are great skills for them to know. So I'm really hoping that these are your future. Yeah.

1 (51m 34s):
And you can always, always, always make it a little competition, which one could do it the better,

3 (51m 44s):
You know? I like competition. Good, good idea. Yep. I liked that. I liked that. I liked that a lot better than paying them to do it.

1 (51m 57s):
Yeah. Yeah. Don't want to be pioneers right now. It's a competition.

3 (52m 2s):
That's right. They should be paying me because I'm letting them. Right. Right. Maybe I'll make cookies or something.

1 (52m 11s):
Well, there you go. You can always get into, to, to make the cookies Once, once I've mowed the lawn and cleared the stone And then I can enjoy.

3 (52m 26s):
Yeah. I would let them have some sure.

1 (52m 29s):
Yeah. There you go. It's a really bonus.

3 (52m 33s):
That's right. That's right. There'll be thrilled when I tell them all this news, don't be so happy. I'm sure.

1 (52m 39s):
There you go. And then if you need decorate and dude, you got some More around the pirate party

3 (52m 54s):
When I'm out of town, Come on. When it can all be done for me. I like that.

1 (53m 0s):
I showed, I taught you up after him, before he leave.

3 (53m 2s):
Yes, of course. Of course. Please leave the house better than you find it. Yes.

1 (53m 9s):
Well, okay, Martin, you've had a bit of a long life. I've enjoyed your story very, very much. And I'm sure your grandchildren, I enjoy it as well.

3 (53m 24s):
Well, thank you very much, Tim. I've enjoyed being with you. You're quite a guy and this is, this has been a lot of fun.

1 (53m 33s):
Thank you so much. Thanks for listening. I look forward to the next one. Thank you for listening to my podcasts. If you have enjoyed them and your podcast app allows, please leave a comment and share it with your friends. The reason I got into this podcast malarkey is so I could leave a legacy for my children and my grandchildren in the years to come. So they will know what I did with my life. I wish my grandparents had done the same for me. Unfortunately they didn't in my latest series on giving people the opportunity to leave their own legacy for their children and families for the future.

1 (54m 21s):
If you have any criticism, positive or negative and you wish to get in touch with me direct, you can email me at timheale@hotmail.com. That's timheale@hotmail.com. I thank you for your time and thank you for listening.