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Boom, I'm in the room. Good evening, good afternoon, good morning. Wherever you are watching from Welcome to Overcoming or O, taking the stigma outta mental health.
That's what we're gonna do. Now. You are here 'cause there's nothing on the tele. And I'm coming to you live from the old Heale manor, and I'm your host, Lord Heale.
Now I have a guest on. So you know, this is all about overcoming mental health, taking the stigma out of it. And that's what we're gonna be talking about tonight. We are looking at surviving P-A-T-S-D and looking at PTG. Now, you know, I'm always looking for guests.
Well, I found one, so without too much further ado, I should bring her in and then we can start that whole conversation. So here you go. Good evening. I go. How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (1m 30s): Good. Thank you for having me here. What an honor and a pleasure
Speaker 0 (1m 35s): You are most welcome. Now you've got quite a bit of a story to tell us, aren't you? Hopefully what people will be able to take away from this is that you can survive stuff. So if you can tell us a little bit about yourself and bit about your backstory, and then we'll come in and we'll have a proper chat and I'll drag some more little gems from you. So the platform's yours.
Speaker 3 (2m 5s): Well, thank you very much. So Agape Garcia is my name and Thank you for having me here. It is a honor and a pleasure, like I mentioned. And so my background is really all about survival. Unfortunately, I've had to be in survival mode most of my life. And in my adulthood, actually, about six years ago, I learned that there is a thing called PTG. Most people are familiar with PTSD and it's something that most of us suffer from when we are exposed to or are dealing with a very traumatic situation, whether it's in the past or present, there are very, I'll say, ripple effects, short-term and long-term effects that can take place.
And PTG is post-traumatic growth. It's a real thing. It was discovered in the early nineties by two psychologists. And it really is the resilience, the strength, and the wisdom that we have. Basically, what's the right word? It's, it's what we have after the event. It's what we have developed post that traumatic experience. So again, it's the wisdom, the strength, and what we're doing with it that constitutes that post-traumatic growth.
So resilience is something that I believe we're, we're actually born with. And then we have choices to make in our life. I always go to, we could be better or we could be bitter. Both require the same amount of energy. It's what you choose to do. And that's what I like to talk about because mental health and the stigma behind some of our traumatic experiences will hold us back, hold us down, and it can actually cultivate a limiting belief system within ourselves.
And I've learned how to intercept that negative critic and, and face myself in the mirror to get through a lot of my personal traumas.
Speaker 0 (4m 19s): Well, let's have a look at these personal traumas. Now I understand that you've had a little bit of a, a, a trouble with some domestics. Yes. So, you like to elaborate on that and how that's affected you?
Speaker 3 (4m 38s): Sure. And I will say again, unfortunately, it's been a lifelong issue since basically I was born. My mother experienced domestic violence during her pregnancy. So I definitely as an embryo received some trauma from that. After doing research, I've, I've learned that, you know, the unborn child can definitely experience trauma in the womb So. it started there and then my mother actually ended up abandoning me at the age of two.
So I suffered from that as well. And I was left with my father, who did not provide a very healthy environment, hence why my mother left. But unfortunately she didn't take me with her. So not only was I dealing with the abandonment of my mother, but then I was also dealing with an unhealthy environment with my father. So I grew up pretty much as a single child and learning respect and learning life outside of the home, which also led to early teen dating violence, which is well known across the nation as well.
Teen dating violence is something that is high in, in statistical rating, and I definitely experienced that because I guess I had daddy issues or mother issues. I don't know, it just, it just appeared and I felt like it was something normal. I didn't see it as anything abnormal. So I dealt with it for seven years. I had my first child as a teenager, so I also was teenage, you know, dealing with teenage pregnancy.
And I will say that once my first child was born, that really changed my life around. I knew that I was not going to raise my child in that type of environment. So I quickly shifted that around. And when I say teen dating violence, I do mean physical abuse. It was pretty serious. And it was on both sides. So I knew that I was not going to raise my child in that environment.
So I changed our environment. I left the father and we just started life on our own independently. We were not married. I did not receive child support. She's 27 now, and I still have not received child support her entire life. so that has been quite a, a struggle to overcome. And I will fast forward to almost a decade after I had my first child, I decided to try a serious relationship again.
And at this point I felt like I was You know in my adult life. I was in school, I was working, I was paying my own bills. I didn't have a need for anything. I had myself covered. And, you know, Romeo comes along and we, things were great. There was no red sign, red flags, there was no signs of abuse that I was aware of. Then I learned what a silent narcissist is, and I learned that the hard way.
Hmm. So a silent narcissist is someone that will pick at your character, at your self-esteem at every area about you until you don't know who you are. And you're questioning every purpose that you have in this world. Questioning, you know, who you are, why you are in existence, what the purpose is of your life. It's, it's very, it it's very devastating when you're in that space because it is mental.
And once somebody can get into your psyche and you really start questioning and doubting who you are, that's when I call, that's when I call it lost. I was lost. I had no idea. So long story short, we moved about 1500 miles away from where we met, where friends, family, And, you know, everything that we grounded ourselves in was left behind And. I was eight months pregnant one month into our new home.
Still not fully unpacked when he attacked me. So I ended up surviving a double attempted homicide out of nowhere. And my entire life changed within those, you know, within that 15 minute timeframe of a window. And I'll pause there 'cause I know that's a lot to take in.
Speaker 0 (9m 30s): Yeah, that's, that's outrageous. I mean, he followed you and, and,
Speaker 3 (9m 36s): Well, it's not that he followed me. So this was a new relationship that I was in for a couple of years and he had a job opportunity across the states. He accepted that and offered me the opportunity to go or stay. It was my decision, and I decided to go. We were going to have a family together, so I decided to go on my own free will. And when I was unpacking my belongings and getting settled in, I found remnants of another woman's belongings.
And when he came home from work, I asked about it. I was then accused of going through their personal belongings when that was indeed not the case. And even if it was, I still had the right to ask. I had just left my entire life to, you know, start a new life. And so they did not take well to my response and repeating myself as I was not going through your personal belongings. I am merely unpacking and settling in and I'm questioning the remnants of these, you know, belongings of another person.
And so that's when I was attacked. So when I say attacked, I'll be a little more descriptive. I was pushed down to the floor. He sat on my eight month pregnant belly, had his left hand around my neck and his right fist punching me in the back of my head, like right behind my ear. And I was, you know, obviously struggling. And I heard the sound of my 9-year-old at the time, 8-year-old at the time.
She was just saying, mom, mom. She was upstairs at the second floor. When I heard her voice, I felt this rush of adrenaline come through my body. I literally turned into the incredible she hulk and had superhuman powers. I was able to slam my feet flat on the ground, thrust my hips to the ceiling to get him off of me. He rolled over the top of my head. I popped up in a half a second. I have no idea how. And I grabbed my daughter by her little hand as she reached that last step on that bottom staircase and ran out of the house just like that, barefoot in pajamas, 11 o'clock at night, pounding on my neighbor's door asking for help.
I needed to use the phone and call the police. And I just weeped and weeped and weeped at her doorstep while I was using the phone questioning, what am I gonna do? What is going on? And how is this even a thing? I didn't even know if I could keep my baby, let alone if my baby was okay.
Speaker 0 (12m 12s): Yeah. What, what happened next? Did the police come?
Speaker 3 (12m 18s): Oh yes, the police showed up. The outcome that seemed like, yeah, So, it, it seemed like a long time, even though it was probably just 20 minutes. I don't know. It seemed like an hour and a half. But they did show up. They took pictures. They actually went to, you know, where we were at. He was still there. They took him immediately. He was arrested. I was in a new state, so I had no idea the new laws. I had a lot to figure out. I'm out there with no friends, no family. I knew I needed to go to the emergency room to check on my unborn child.
However, I couldn't drag, you know, my 8-year-old, I had nowhere to leave her. So I ended up, after he was arrested, I ended up going back home, staying up all night, doing my research. you know, is, is he gonna be held for two hours? Do I need to get out of here? you know, where do I go? What shelters are available? What's available to me? How can I, you know, protect my, my 8-year-old, get her to school and have her, you know, in a space where everything seems normal to her, where I can work on You, know my drama and trauma independently without exposing her to it, giving her the most, you know, uninterrupted Yeah.
Moment. Yeah. And so, unfortunately You know there is no immediate shelters for, you know, people like what I was going through at that time. There was no immediate restraining order that I could get. Everything is You know nine to five when things are open, And, you know, good luck trying to get in without somebody else giving you a referral. I mean, it was, I mean, this story can go a very long time because it really truly is survival at this, at this moment in my life.
He did end up staying retained. I did have to go to court and testify. I will say that that is one of the most hardest things to do when you are a victim. When the person is not in your face, not in your space. It's very easy to have clearer thoughts when it comes time to go to court and actually testify. They bring their, your offender into the room.
Yes, they are in their, you know, prison outfit and in cuffs, but they are brought into that room and you are back to face to face with this individual. So my voice that was ready to, you know, come across strong and talk about what happened and the And, you know, the experience that that went down reliving that moment verbatim was stripped away from me when he walked into the room.
Because all of the sudden this confidence in sharing what happened turned into this scared, like shriveled up, teeny tiny voice that, that just, I don't know what happened. I could not pull it together to, to speak as strongly as I was before he came in. So I learned the hard way that, you know, it's almost like being re-victimized by having to see the person that almost took your life and having to be faced with them again.
When you're ready to share that in, in the court of law, to have, you know,
Speaker 0 (15m 44s): Literally re-traumatized.
Speaker 3 (15m 47s): Yes, yes, absolutely. So, and,
Speaker 0 (15m 51s): And what happened with the baby?
Speaker 3 (15m 54s): Yes. So the baby ended up being fine. When I did go to the emergency room, they told me that, that my unborn child was fine. I had, from the moment of that incident to the due date, it was 45 days. I only had 45 days to figure out my entire life. I was deemed high risk. I could not go back home. I couldn't leave on a plane, a train, a car, nothing. I was literally stuck. I was not able to get into a shelter. I had to basically get all of the police reports and letters from the sheriff's department to get my name taken off of the lease based on the unforeseen circumstances.
I stayed there until it was, what was it? I stayed there for 90, 90 days. So I was able to stay 45 days beyond my due date And. that gave me the opportunity to find somewhere to go. I had to stand in line for food stamps, stand in line for state assistance, stand in line for anything that was available as it relates to resources. I was not gonna get hired. I was eight months pregnant. That was not gonna happen.
There's no such thing as maternity leave when you don't have a job. So I needed that time to also, to heal and to, you know, find babysitter, you know, a daycare for my child to see what type of resources are available. Because now finances are a strain. I mean, you name it, I was faced with trying to figure it out with having no other option but to figure it out. So I ended up finding a room to rent in a home, and all three of us were staying in a room, in someone else's house for quite some time until I was able to get back on my feet, find a job, get a, get an apartment, and be back to, you know, re not responsible, but independent.
Speaker 0 (17m 47s): Hmm. So what happened to the guy then? Did, did, was he convicted or, or did they
Speaker 3 (17m 56s): Yes, he was convicted and his sentence went from five years to two years and it was considered, you know, a felony because this was a double attempted homicide and against his own child.
Speaker 0 (18m 11s): Hmm. So you managed to get through all that then, and, and tell us a little bit about this PTG, how that's helped. Okay.
Speaker 3 (18m 24s): Yes. So I did not know, obviously 20 years ago, we're going back 20 years ago when this incident took place. And mental health was really not a thing back then. If when I say a thing, it was a thing, but it was a social stigma thing, right? You didn't wanna talk about it. Yeah, you didn't wanna address it. It was something that you're just stuck dealing with within. And before that, before I knew a lot of what I know today, I can share with you what I did during that timeframe when I was, you know, feeling like the victim that I was questioning why I was victimized, asking why I didn't see how didn didn't know what was wrong with me.
It was all of these things about me, me, me, why me? And I ended up looking in the mirror and talking to myself, yelling at myself, screaming at myself. Snap out of it. This is not who you are. You do know better. This is something that you can't control. You cannot control what anybody does, what anybody thinks. This is something that you got yourself into. This is something you have to get yourself out of. You have kids you need to worry about. You have to pull yourself together. You cannot be anything as a mother. If you cannot be anything as a person.
You cannot take care of your children if you're not taking care of yourself. I mean, I had the hardest conversations with myself. I had to talk to myself like I was talking to a best friend. Like I was talking to someone that I love. Even though I didn't feel like I loved myself at the moment. I had to talk to myself. Like I would talk to somebody that I do love and I almost had to talk to myself as if it wasn't me jumping out of character. I later learned, actually just a few years ago, that mirror neurons are a real thing.
And mirror work is actually something that works within your own psyche. So little did I know that this was something I was applying way back when without even knowing that it was a real thing. It, it, it works. I didn't have to read about it. I, I actually did it and I know that it works. And now that there's, like I said, scientific, you know, proof showing that your neurons is a real thing. I highly suggest that to anyone that may be dealing with a stigma and they're a little embarrassed or shy to talk to somebody about it.
The other thing is that You know when you go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, a lot of times You know prescriptions are are written and, or it's a textbook type of approach. you know, fill out this form, try to do this, try to do that. It's very textbook standardized. Today I look at coaching and mentorship and counseling very different. It's when you're dealing with a situation that you're trying to get through and overcome, I highly recommend finding somebody that has been there, done that so that they really understand and connect with what you're going through and can offer actual tips and suggestions that has worked that can be applicable to other people going through that same situation.
And that's definitely a part of PTG.
Speaker 0 (21m 43s): Hmm. So that's the post-traumatic growth. That's, that's where post
Speaker 3 (21m 48s): Traumatic growth, yes. I have gained so much wisdom and strength from that experience and the journey, the 20 year journey after that. Now I wanna help other people and, and help prevent them to experience all of the additional trauma that comes with that. Those long-term effects that, that you are dealt with as it relates to healing. 'cause moving out is the physical aspect and can happen overnight.
Moving on mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. Those are the things that need to really be discussed here because that has such an impact in your family life, in your home life, in your, in your social life at work even it bleeds over into almost every area.
Speaker 0 (22m 40s): So from, from your perspective then, I mean you, you had a pretty rough upbringing. Your mother walked out on your two, your father, do you keep in touch with them at all? Have you, have you met up since or, or Yeah, it's good form together.
Speaker 3 (22m 60s): Yeah. Although he was a checked out Father You know today he is, you know, remarried, has a whole nother family. He seems to be a very happy family man. And we do have respect and love for each other. Unfortunately, we don't have a, you know, bonding relationship. But I recognize him and accept him and respect him, you know, as my father. And I felt that he did the best that he could with what he had during that time in his life.
You know, unfortunately, children sometimes are brought into the world with without planning or without the, the foundation that's needed to have a healthy environment. But again, you know, we have the option to continue raising ourselves after our parents did their job.
Speaker 0 (23m 52s): Hmm. And, and talking to parents. What about your mother? Have you you ever been in contact with her? It
Speaker 3 (23m 58s): Just disappeared. I was in contact with her during my adolescence, but it was, it was hit or miss. I, I really don't know much anything about her at all. I mean, I know her name, I know where she lives, but we do not have a relationship at all. Hmm. She doesn't even know if I'm alive. 'cause I was in a, I was in a major car accident with a 1% chance of surviving. I called her to let her know, and to this day she doesn't know if, even if I made it or not. So I respect that she stayed consistent and true to her colors.
you know, she's still the same person as she was, you know, 40 some odd years ago. And so, you know, you can't miss something you didn't have. And I'm okay with that. I've accepted it because again, you can control what other people do or don't do. Yeah. You just, you know, you can move a million times. You live in your own head, So, you have to get your mental house in order.
Speaker 0 (24m 49s): Absolutely. So it. So it seems like you've, you've done fairly well then. So what advice would you give to anybody that, that thinks that they're in a similar sort of situation to you? What would that be?
Speaker 3 (25m 8s): Yeah, so when you say similar situation than me, I mean, I shared quite a few different situations, so I would like to be very specific in my answer. If you can help guide me under what umbrella you're referring to.
Speaker 0 (25m 23s): So in a, in a find yourself in a, in a really dangerous relationship, how would you or, or what would you suggest people do? What what course of action would be a safest course of action to, to extract yourself from that position?
Speaker 3 (25m 46s): All right, so this is a very sensitive topic. If you know that you are in a dangerous situation, I'm here to tell you right now that the moment you abuser smells, sees, hears, or gets any sort of inclination that you are getting ready to leave, it will get worse. That is the worst thing that can happen for the abuser, is knowing that you're going to leave, because then you are taking away all of their power and control And that actually heightens the risk for injury.
Or, you know, more abuse if they know that you're getting ready to go. So plan quietly and also make sure that wherever you're going to go, that that's a person that you are okay with risking their safety. Because when you leave, stalking is definitely what happens or can happen. And understand that when you're going to a loved one's home, that's what you're bringing, potentially bringing to their home as well.
It's unfortunate that when you file for a restraining order, you have to give the address to where you're staying. So when your offender is served, they know where you're at. So also keep that into consideration as well. It's almost a double-edged sword. So my, my suggestion and recommendation is find an advocate, an advocate who really knows a domestic violence advocate. Not just any advocate. A domestic violence advocate that understands legislation, the law programs that are available, resources that are available.
That person, he or she can also be your referral. Meaning they're the ones that can say, Hey, I've, I've worked with so and so. This is the situation I am recommending and referring this person to be a part of your program. That's something that I learned the hard way. I, it took me almost five years to actually tap into a, to find an actual advocate and tap into all of these resources and, and programs that are, that are available.
I actually had him served while he was in jail, revoking all rights from our child. I gained, I obtained full legal and physical custody of my child while they were incarcerated. So there are things that you can do as long as you stay strong to your decision and not going back and seeking the resources that are available to you. Finding a domestic violence advocate is definitely an expedited way to get this taken care of.
I also wanna say I'm, yeah, I'm sorry. I, I I also wanna say that to check in with your employer, check to see before you speak, is there a no retaliation policy in place? So if you do speak of this situation, perhaps they have benefits that can help you, or they have programs in the employee assistant program package that can assist you, you know, see if your employer has any way of, of helping.
A lot of employers offer assistance to gamblers, porn addicts and alcoholics. Some of them should be and, and are offering assistance for real-time victims. So definitely check with them as well.
Speaker 0 (29m 24s): I mean, you hear so, so many stories of people that are in relationships, toxic relationships. They go to leave and then, and then come back again. And I, I, I forget the, the actual figure, but it's, but it's multiple times that they're abused before they finally break that cycle and are able to get away. And it, and it's, I mean, it's a lot. I mean, it is, it is sort of around about 20 times that, that they go through all of this abuse, the abuser promises not to do it again, and then does it again.
And, and the sort of the 11th hour, they, they buckle in and they go back to him for more. How, what would you suggest to people that are going through that and, and, and And that bit to stay strong?
Speaker 3 (30m 24s): What absolutely.
Speaker 0 (30m 25s): How would, how would you, how would you let them know to stay strong and not let them fall into that, that situation?
Speaker 3 (30m 36s): Absolutely. First and foremost, nobody knows you better than you. Okay. And for a little education, You know when you are lonely, when you are bored, when you are in fear, those three things will, will prompt you to step outside of your, I don't wanna say skin, but will prompt you to step outside of what you know is, is is better for you. Right? So the fear, the boredom, and the loneliness is primarily what sends people back to that toxic relationship.
Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of not knowing who you are anymore because you have been conditioned, okay, to be in this toxic environment where you've actually built a codependency. It's, it's actually normal. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just the cycle of the psychology that happens post, you know, this devastating trauma of domestic violence. So a way to stay strong and to give yourself that reminder to prevent yourself from going back is when you make that decision to leave journal, journal and journal.
Because there's times where you're gonna start feeling weak or lonely or fearful, and you want to stay strong, but you are caving into that weaker side. If you have that journal to reference and to read, this is why I left, this is why I will not go back, dammit. Put it on your calendar two times a day. Set a reminder, start conditioning yourself with those memories. And that reminder. If you have to do this once a day, twice a day, three times a day, if you're doing, if you're reminding yourself while you're praying over your meal, whatever it is, start incorporating that into your daily activities so that your mind is refreshed every single day as to why you are not going back, especially if you have children.
Let those children be what makes you strong, that puts that backbone in there, knowing that you are emotionally feeding your children the intelligence or lack thereof when you are continuously going back to a toxic environment. There are so many studies that shows the detrimental impact that occurs when children are not safe at home. How it impacts their ability to retain knowledge and learn at school. Their ability to, you know, grow as a, as a person in their adolescence within that home, home should not be a battlefield.
It should be a place where they feel safe.
Speaker 0 (33m 21s): You see, so, so many people that have childhood trauma from being in toxic relationships, they're seeing their parents fighting all the time, And, that has, that has an impact on the whole of their lives. And exactly, that's, that's something that if you are in an abusive relationship, if you are in that, that, that place where you are constantly having a fight with your partner and you've got children, think of the children and walk away.
That's the best thing you can do. And start again because it is, it, although it's impacting you, it will impact them for the rest of their lives. Seeing that that's right. Day in, day out, So. yeah. So how's your kids nowadays? Are they, are they fairly well rounded to individuals?
Speaker 3 (34m 23s): They are, I am proud to say yes they are. It took a while to get there. you know, my daughter, who's now 27, she, she did break my heart by sharing that, you know, she respects me for the strength and endurance that I had in raising, you know, her And, you know, her sibling And, that, you know, as much as I was mentally and physically there and called me a helicopter mom, okay.
'cause they couldn't get away with much. And, I was all about protecting and providing. So, you know, safety has been You know number one on my priority list. However, during all of that, you know, time of her adolescence, when she left the house, she told me that, you know, I was emotionally unavailable for her And, you know, I, I have a lump in my throat now. It hurts me to hear that, to repeat that. However, I had to accept that because that was how she felt as the recipient of my survival mode.
And being that protective provider, helicopter mother, there was no time for tears. There was no time to be caught up in my emotional state of being. Because your emotions and your decisions from your emotions are from the un unconscious mind. Your, your logic comes from the conscious mind. And I had decisions to make and futures to protect, and things that needed to be done here today.
Now, it was very hard for me to plan for tomorrow. When you're in survival mode, how much food do I have today? How much can I save for tomorrow? This is what the bills are today. Oh my gosh, what's it, what is it going to be next month? I mean, a sole provider for both children. No child support from either sole, legal, physical, custody of both and just me. Okay. So being emotionally unavailable was pretty accurate. I had to do a lot of work. I went back to that mirror, I learned what emotional intelligence is eq and I have developed my own little, my own little formula.
It's definitely controlling your triggers because your emotions live inside of you. And once you learn where they live inside of you, the moment that it is triggered, you then have the highest, the, the highest sense of authority at that moment to make a decision to react on that or respond to that. And if you're looking for an intended outcome, then you should respond opposed to react.
Speaker 0 (37m 8s): So have you made up for it since made with your children? Have you given them, oh, obviously you've given them love all the way through, but have you, have you been able to, to give them that emotional support, support that they've, they've wanted?
Speaker 3 (37m 25s): Yes, I have. It was definitely a journey. At first, my daughter thought I was being sarcastic and joking around, but I was actually making a serious effort and I had to say, this is my real effort. I'm not being sarcastic either you want this or you don't, because I'm really trying here. And when I said that, she realized, you know, that this is a new version of me and I am being vulnerable and I am being, you know, transparent with my emotions. It took a good two years, but I wanted to, you know, recover from that.
And I wanted her to feel like she does, she may not have had it in her adolescence, but she absolutely has it now in her adulthood. And we started by reading, you know, the Five Love languages and even understanding each other from that stand standpoint. And we, we went to, you know, a few breakthrough conferences that that really helped us get through and we've been maintaining ever since.
Speaker 0 (38m 28s): Terrific.
Speaker 3 (38m 30s): And that's another form of PTG or both?
Speaker 0 (38m 36s): So are you a grandmother yet?
Speaker 3 (38m 39s): No, I am not. I think my experience has, has definitely detoured my children of having children,
Speaker 0 (38m 49s): Which
Speaker 3 (38m 49s): Is okay by me as long as they're mentally healthy. And, you know, they're making decisions to benefit their future And, you know what? I'm proud of them. They both have a great head on their shoulders. They both have emotional intelligence. They can articulate what they're thinking and feeling without fear. And, you know, I raised them to You know, to hurt with truth instead of, you know, try to satisfy with lies because that ends up being more hurtful and impactful later. So I'm proud of them.
Speaker 0 (39m 23s): Brilliant. Well, I've really learned a few bits and pieces outta this conversation, so thank you so, so much for sharing.
Speaker 3 (39m 35s): Yeah, thank you. And. you know, I do have a couple things cooking in the background. I do have a coaching business. I'm a certified high performance coach through Brendan Bouchard. If you've heard of him, the High Performance Institute. I actually apply a lot of his principles to the post-traumatic growth. I believe that the combination of the two is a surefire success to getting over the hump quickly. If you don't have an end date on your calendar to stop the suffering, then is it infinite If you don't have an end date, you gotta think about that.
Mm. I also Oh, so it's be your incredible self and you can go to be your incredible self.com. It's spelled correctly, and there you'll find what I have to offer. And I also have a nonprofit, a nonprofit that's called Confronting Domestic Violence. And our mission is to help relocate people to a safe place when they have a safe place to go, but not the means to get there. The only caveat is that you have to be a parent with children because you know it's about the children's future and a second chance at life.
So that's, you can find my nonprofit@confrontingdomesticviolence.org. We're actually having our very first gala this year in October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And I am super excited and honored to give back to the community and help people with some of the resources that were definitely not available when I, when I was going through my situation. So another form of PTG and filling the gaps in giving back to the community to help prevent the cycle of abuse and the cycle of returning to the abuse.
Speaker 0 (41m 24s): Fantastic. Well, I'll, I'll get all that put down in the description and hopefully we can help somebody else out there.
Speaker 3 (41m 34s): Yes. That is the goal.
Speaker 0 (41m 37s): Hmm. Well, thank you once again. Most, most informative.
Speaker 3 (41m 43s): Thank you. thank you again for having me. Can, may I have permission to say one more thing?
Speaker 0 (41m 47s): You may.
Speaker 3 (41m 49s): Thank you so much. I just wanna say that in the state of California in October, on October 1st, 2023, legislation passed a bill that is now mandating workplaces to have a workplace violence prevention policy. And this is going to be mandated not just through legislation, but the enforcement agency is osha, cal, osha to be specific.
And domestic violence is now a part of this prevention plan. So this is the first state in the entire United States that is mandating such a, such, such a, I guess,
Speaker 0 (42m 32s): Legislation.
Speaker 3 (42m 34s): Yes. Because domestic violence spillover into the workplace is a real thing. I have been in the workplace as a victim, as a manager, as hr, as security, as senior leadership. And it is, it is everywhere. The statistics have not changed. If you have 300 people in your, in your company, 100 people are dealing with a, with a situation. So I'm hoping that this will spread like wildfire, And, that every state and hopefully across the nation, this will be a mandate for You know employers to step up and offer resources and help to real-time victims, like I said before, they have help for porn addicts, gamblers and alcoholics.
Real-time victims need support too. So this is an exciting time and I feel like we are, we are, California has changed the definition of workplace violence.
Speaker 0 (43m 26s): Fantastic. Well, we'll do everything we can to promote that.
Speaker 3 (43m 32s): Okay. FP 5 53 consulting.com is where you can go for that.
Speaker 0 (43m 37s): Absolutely. And you'll find that down in the description after the show.
Speaker 3 (43m 41s): Thank you.
Speaker 0 (43m 42s): You are most welcome. Wow, that's been a fascinating conversation. If you're just coming in at the end here, then I urge you to go back and watch it on a catch up. It's been a terrific, terrific show. So until next week, where next week, I think I've, I've got a prerecorded one on next week, which is fascinating and it, it's a little bit of an interesting one I haven't done before.
It's about addiction, sexual addiction, really, really interesting conversation there. So until then, TT FN for now.
Welcome to the Tim Heale podcast. If you have the time, you can not only listen to the episodes, but you can also watch all the shows and you'll find the links in the description below.