246. Embracing the Mirror: How Relationships Reveal Our Deepest Wounds

This week is a solo where I talk about manifestation and some big lessons I’ve been learning! 

In this episode, I talk about: 

• Manifestation 
• New Moon
• Healing in relationships 
• Riding the emotional wave
• emotional regulation
• How to use your chart for self-acceptance 

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Transcript

Introduction to Rochelle Christiane Podcast

Speaker 1 0:02

Welcome to the Rochelle Christiane podcast , formerly the Emotional Mastery podcast . I'm Rochelle , your host . I'm here to help you come back to your body , take charge of your emotions and live life on your terms . This podcast is a space for raw , real conversations about what it means to trust yourself , lean into your power and create a life that feels aligned and alive . We'll explore human design , astrology and other tools to help you understand your unique energy . More importantly , though , we're going to talk about what it means to actually live and embody these aspects . So , each week , I'm going to share stories , lessons , guidance to help you navigate life's challenges and really own your magic . So if you're ready to step up , take control and show up as the most authentic version of you , let's begin . Welcome back to another episode on the podcast . This past week has been so intense for so many different reasons , and I want to share my experience , not to dramatize the situation , but because I've really been working very hard over the last I mean years , but , honestly , this year so far specifically on manifestation , understanding the process , really implementing these practices of subconscious reprogramming , affirmations , positive thinking , because this is really , I feel , like that sort of year . That's . You know , yeah , it's the year of the snake , but truly it feels like a massive , massive shedding . And it's always fun , funny , how the universe sort of brings us exactly what we need when we need it . And I think , when you're doing the work to release what's not working , to raise your consciousness , to just be a better human right , I think we're brought a lot of these tests that have really I don't want to say held us back in the past , but that maybe we've struggled with and kind of stumbled over . I don't want to say held us back in the past , but that maybe we've struggled with and kind of stumbled over . And so you know , this past week was the new moon in Taurus and it did have this opposition between Mars and Pluto . So it was all square to the new moon . And I love Taurus . I'm my birthday is in a couple weeks so definitely always obsessed with all three things Taurus . It really helps me feel super grounded and in my body and it's just such a beautiful season . So the new moon in Taurus is really a beautiful energy .

Speaker 1 2:29

New moons are times where we are planting the seed right and it's really especially in Taurus , this really grounded , earthy energy , fixed earth energy . It's really asking us to tend to ourselves when maybe we don't see the end product right . We've planted the seed and we don't know what's going to blossom . We don't know what's going to bloom , we don't know what it's going to look like , but we have to tend to it now . We have to water it , we have to make sure it gets light , we have to give it love . We know that plants really respond to love loving words , loving energy .

New Moon in Taurus Energy

Speaker 1 3:06

It's all frequency , right and so sometimes it's a little bit more difficult to give ourselves that when we don't see the finished product . A lot of times we want to know what's going to happen , what's going to come of it , but in all reality we can't know those things , and so the ego , the mind , the thinking mind , wants to protect ourselves and says , well , I don't know what's going to happen , but I know what's comfortable . Now I know how we can stay safe . Now I know how we can get an outcome that we understand . Now and again , it's about tending to those seeds that we've planted , nurturing them so that they can blossom . We know that saying it's always darkest before the light , and the seeds that we plant have to go through that darkness before they come up and hit the light , and so it really felt like a massive time for nurturing , turning inward and lessons for me personally . A lot of lessons .

Speaker 1 3:58

Last week , I would say two , three weeks ago maybe , I was sitting with my journal and I'll preface this by saying I've been single for , oh my gosh , almost eight years . Yes , I've been in . I've dated people for a couple of years here and there , but nothing serious , nothing committed . I've really been committed to myself and my own personal growth . I also know that a lot of my trauma comes from relationships , and so I have to heal that part of myself , and in ignoring relationships , I can't do the work , and so it's always a challenge for me when I enter into something romantic , because all of these feelings come up , and I've realized recently which is sort of part of the story that I'm going to share that I have to be able to hold it Right . We talk a lot about money , money manifestation , and in order to call in an abundance of money , our system has to be able to receive it . We think that it's maybe a giving issue or whatever , but it really is this receiving issue , this ability to receive and to hold and to regulate ourselves in that space , and so I am very okay with being by myself .

Speaker 1 5:09

There are , of course , moments where I feel lonely or I feel frustrated , that , or maybe I'll say , maybe I ask myself sometimes why relationships are such a challenge for me , why , you know , I look around and people it's so effortless to be in a relationship and it's definitely been my life's lesson , my journey , and I accept that about myself . And , again , it's really the internal work that it needs to happen . And so a couple of weeks ago I was

Reflection on Being Single

Speaker 1 5:37

journaling and I was like you know , I'm really okay with being single , right , kind of put yourself in that worst case scenario , like what's the worst case ? What is my biggest fear is that I end up alone , okay , and then what ? Then I'm alone and I'm have my kids and I'm and I'm good , right , I can focus on my career and my friendships and I'm good .

Speaker 1 5:55

And so I sort of got to this point and , like the universe usually does , it then brought me something that held a lot of actually what I was looking for Easy , fun , and this was very , very short-lived , but I got a taste of things that I've been looking for A lot of respect , a lot of kindness , gentleness , kindness , respect , those sorts of things , words of affection , physical attention , these are like my love languages and I realized over the last , let's say , five years I've really really continually attracted Capricorn moons and I've talked about that here before . My progressed moon is in Capricorn , my progressed sun is in Cancer . So I think this dynamic holds a lot of lessons for me . And I realized I quite literally felt like a person starved . I didn't realize how much I had been craving words of affirmation and physical touch . And I then became overwhelmed and I noticed I was so excited by the situation that it was almost like distracting me . And this is those times when we look and it wasn't about the person , it wasn't about that specific situation , it was the bigger picture person . It wasn't about that specific situation , it was like the bigger picture .

Speaker 1 7:08

And again I felt overwhelmed because it was something that I didn't realize I so desperately was looking for or craving and I like I don't want to say I smothered it I , and I don't want to say I ruined it , because I've come to terms with what happened as embarrassing a little bit , as it kind of feels , but I got really excited about the situation and I yeah , at it kind of feels , but I got really excited about the situation and I yeah , at the end of the day I guess I self-sabotaged it . I kept telling myself , you know , don't put my trauma on the situation . And of course we know , with manifestation , every time we say a negative , what happens . Our mind is like , well , let's do that right , we don't hear the negative word , we only hear the positive . And so I did . I put a lot of my trauma on the situation and I made it something that it wasn't , which in hindsight is fine . I mean , it hurt , it was painful only because again , not because of the person or not because of the specific situation , but the big picture . It really showed me actually that I am currently feeling a little big picture . It really showed me , actually , that I am currently feeling a little bit lonely . It really showed me that what I've been looking for and what I haven't been able to find , it showed me a lot of my wounds that were still sort of festering under the surface that I wasn't really facing .

Speaker 1 8:19

And it's always in relationships that are mirrors . I was doing a tarot spread the other day and I was choosing an anchor card and the lovers came up , of course , and this isn't necessarily about , like romantic love . But the essence of the lover's card is that mirror , right , it is relationships . It is the mirror that we have in relationships . It is sometimes outsourcing our happiness , our joy , our moods to something outside of ourselves . And that energy came in hard in this very brief , short thing that I experienced and it was painful because I had to face all of those things that were coming up .

Speaker 1 8:56

And then , of course , the ego gets involved in . The ego was , you know , when it comes to attraction levels and looks and things like that . Ego was kind of attached to that things . I'm a Taurus , I'm a Taurus sun , I'm a Taurus Mercury , my MCs and Taurus . So , yes , I can get very possessive and very , like , connected to the material things and so I have to like sometimes remind myself that that stuff doesn't really matter that much , but it really really .

Speaker 1 9:20

Again , it showed me the work that I have yet to do and also the beautiful thing about the reframe and the beautiful thing about doing the work is that I also feel like simultaneously , as much as a test as this might have been , the universe was also showing me hey , look , what's possible . You've been chasing avoidant people , you've been chasing people who don't want to commit . And yes , that's always a reflection of insides and I always think about that . Where am I not wanting to be vulnerable ? Where am I being dismissive ? Where am I not showing up in my truest expression , in my most authentic self ? Where am I reflecting that ? Because it's always , always a mirror . But it was like look at what's possible , look what is out there . You just have a little bit of the work yet to do .

Speaker 1 10:06

And it was a huge , huge , huge wake-up call , reality check for me personally , in my experience , in my life , in my journey , because emotions have always been a lesson for me ,

Emotional Regulation Lessons

Speaker 1 10:22

always . I can go into all the nitty gritty details of my chart that have to do with emotions because , trust me , it's littered , it's literally one big emotional mess , my chart . And so I've really , really , really struggled with my emotions for a long time and I've done a lot , a lot of work around it , around moving my body , journaling , tapping , meditating , having all of these practices in place to regulate my emotions . And also , I'm human . Sometimes it overwhelms me , and so , during this brief period of time last week , where I was riding this high of this wave , I was getting all the affirmations , the words and everything I wanted to hear , and I was so buzzing with this high of my wave energy I was distracted , but I was giddy and I was excited and all these things . And I remember thinking to myself I was like , wow , this crash is going to be hard because as equal as we get on the high of our wave , it's going to be as equally low . And so I was kind of like anticipating for this .

Speaker 1 11:19

And when it crashed , it crashed hard and I felt it coming on , just overthinking things a little bit , and I did my tapping , I did my meditation , but of course I was a little bit distracted within that . And then I went to the gym . I ran for like an hour because I was trying to like outrun my thoughts . I was like , no , we're not going to do this . And then I picked up the phone and I just , yeah , I expressed myself when I should have come inside , and so it was a really big lesson on emotional regulation that , yes , although in these situations we so badly want to express ourself , we're being reactionary . I was reacting to my inner world when I should have waited .

Speaker 1 12:02

And the thing is , when we're in an emotional state , I think that we think that we have to do something now . We have to move the energy now and , yes , if you are emotionally defined , the solar plexus is a motor , so it wants to move , it wants something to be done with it . And also , a huge lesson of the solar plexus is that nothing has to be done now . Everything can wait right , especially if you're emotionally defined . Play hard to get . This is a huge lesson of the solar plexus , play hard to get .

Speaker 1 12:33

So , in hindsight , in that moment where I was itching to grab my phone , I was reacting , I thought I was being calm and I thought I was being consciously aware and communicating . And yes , the communication was more on the conscious level , I guess , like I feel type of communication styles , whatever you want to say . But in hindsight , because I was feeling raw and because I was feeling emotional and because I knew I was in the low of a wave , I should I'm air quoting should have waited , but I didn't and it is what it is . And I feel again , I felt embarrassed because the situation was blown up to something that it never should have been and wasn't actually my truth , and this is the thing that's kind of not a humorous about the emotional wave , but the thing I've always noticed is that in an emotional low , yes , it feels intense in the moment , but also it's not my truth . So the things that I'm saying in the moment , yeah , sure I might feel , but big picture , they're not always the truth , right , in human design , there is no truth in the now .

Speaker 1 13:38

If you are emotionally defined and it's difficult for people who do not have a defined solar plexus to understand that what you're expressing and what you're feeling is not your truth , right ? Yes , it's the truth in the moment , but it's not your truth . It's what you're experiencing in the moment , but it's not your truth . And so to communicate that and express that while you're in that sort of a situation or an emotional state is a little bit more challenging . And so , again , it was a huge wake-up call to my emotions , my emotional regulation , because I really felt like I had done a really good job over the last few years of working on my emotional regulation .

Speaker 1 14:18

And I have , and also I'm human , and it was a very painful emotional experience and it also it had nothing to do with the situation experience and it also it had nothing to do with the situation . It really had to do with I was on a new moon call and something that came up in the call was this phrase , I guess but it's trauma is too hard , too fast , too soon and in hindsight , looking at the situation , I got really excited really fast . There was a lot going on so it activated all of my trauma because the situation was too hard , too fast , too soon and my emotional response was not appropriate for the situation . If that makes sense , the emotional response I was having was actually to do with my past trauma , not to do with the situation , but I projected it on the situation and in these times I think I actually had somebody ask me a couple days later they were having a situation with their partner asking about love , bombing and too fast , like things are moving too fast , and I kind of shared because I had literally just had this experience . So I asked if the partner had trauma , relationship trauma , and they said yes and I was able to give that advice . Like it literally it's not you , it's not the situation , but their trauma is being activated because things are moving too quickly .

Speaker 1 15:36

I've come to really value the slowness but also my trauma . Part of my trauma is that I don't want to feel confused , I want to be certain , I want clarity . Those things are important to me and so , projecting all of that stuff on the situation . Everything happens for a reason . The universe does not make mistakes . We all have free will as well . So who knows ? But I really think , like in hindsight again , this was a lesson on emotional regulation , a lesson on trauma and how to navigate my trauma , how to handle it . Maybe next time better . I've recommitted to my journal

Trauma, Too Hard Too Fast

Speaker 1 16:09

how to handle it , maybe next time better . I've recommitted to my journal . Like I'm going hard . In my journal I am just writing everything down , and after the situation , I just wrote every cause .

Speaker 1 16:18

I think that you know when you're in an experience and you're trying to heal and doing all these things , we don't want to have all these negative thoughts . And I think when you're in a trigger and a trauma response and in an activated , heightened emotional state , it can . Your thoughts can turn negative , like why did I do that ? Why I'm so embarrassed , oh my gosh , I can't believe it . And so I had to just write down all these negative thoughts that I had about myself , right , and it really helped get it out . Once I got it out on paper , I was like , oh my gosh , I feel so much better . So it's like again recommitting to really really doubling down on my journaling practice to be able to move through these things . And again , yeah , just teaching me or showing me what's possible , because in 2B Magnetic work they talk about expanders .

Speaker 1 17:09

Expanders are seeing to believe . If we don't see that something is true , it's harder for us to believe that it's true for us or that it's possible for us . So seeing something then allows us to actually believe it , like wow , there are actually people out there that are so respectful and so kind and so considerate Like what respectful and so kind and so considerate , like what . So that was a huge expander for me was seeing someone who is like that and who is emotionally available in the sense of like generous with their words but not over the top , right . And again it also showed me where I still need to do the work , because , again , we can't do the work unless it's being reflected back to us if that makes sense . So I can choose to be single and not date for five years and think that I'm healed because I was just by myself .

Speaker 1 18:03

But if you're not healing in the place that you got trauma , that you were wounded , then you're not truly healing . And it's really challenging . It's probably one of the hardest things to do to willingly , intentionally , put yourself in a situation , a circumstance that is painful . The ego , the thinking mind , does not want to go there because it's not safe , it's not comfortable , or when it does go there , it self-sabotages by repeating patterns that it knows what's going to happen . So in hindsight , this situation me expressing when I was in an emotional low , I knew what was going to happen . I knew it was going to cause me to be rejected for my emotions because that is my patterning that was probably the most painful thing I've had .

Speaker 1 18:53

A lot of people over the years reflect back to me that you know , when I'm in my calm , confident , taurus sort of energy , then Rochelle's real cool , right , Like then we want to spend time with her . But as soon as emotions begin to come into play and again I know what my internal emotional experience is . I don't necessarily know what other people experience on the outside of me , but I feel like I do a decent job of keeping it kind of internal . But there are moments where obviously it expresses and that's something that has been reflected back to me a lot in relationships where it's like well , let's just not talk , or to me , the message feels like I accept you when you're like this , but I don't accept you when you're emotional . And so that was really painful because I have received this message over and over Like your emotions are not safe here , your emotions are not okay here , I do not choose you when you are in that state . And that was something else was like I kept thinking I just want to be chosen and at the end of the day , I have to choose myself . And I really felt like I did . I really felt like I have gotten to a point where I do choose myself .

Speaker 1 19:58

I love my like love , hate relationship , but no , I love my emotions . I love the depth and complexity that I feel because it is such a part of me . I've accepted that I am not the lightest , happy-go-lucky optimistic . I wouldn't say I'm not optimistic , but my charts and everything this is where astrology and human design is so beautiful as tools for self-acceptance and self-awareness , because I accept that I'm a pretty intense person and also I love that I invite people into my life that bring the lightness that I can match . I don't necessarily bring the lightness to situations , but I can match it right Like I'd like to have fun . I'd like to have play , I'd like to have joy , but I don't necessarily create that in myself . It's other people that come into my life and activate that within me . That's sort of how that works , and I've come to really appreciate that and love that part of myself .

Speaker 1 20:53

And so , when we're looking at our astrology chart , I'm currently doing a series on the houses in astrology on Instagram and TikTok . You can go follow me below and check it out , because when we look to you know , the houses in astrology , when you look at astrology , it's like a wheel and it's separated into 12 different like sections , which are 12 different houses , and they all represent different areas of our life . Right ,

Astrology as Self-Acceptance Tool

Speaker 1 21:14

it's the stage that the actors are on , so the planets are the actors , they're the energy that we're bringing . The signs are the costumes that the actors are wearing , right ? So Mars is always going to be Mars , but Mars and Taurus is going to look different than Mars in Capricorn , right , and the houses , again , are the areas of life that it's impacting . And so it's just such a beautiful way to work with your chart because you're able to see , ok , well , I'm going to take my personal Actually . I mean , there's so many examples I can use in my chart . I'm just so familiar with it so I'm going to use a couple examples so I can say okay , I have in my fifth house which is fun , play , creativity , dating .

Speaker 1 21:51

It's ruled by Leo and the sun . This is typically a really like bright , shining , playful , fun area of your chart . I have Saturn and Uranus here , so it's really hard for me to lean into that energy and I could fight it right . I've got a lot of people that have reflected to me over the years like why don't you , why aren't you ? Like I don't know how to word it , but oh , just have fun , oh , just lighten up , right ? Like why are you taking it so seriously ? And it's like well , that is just who I am . It's taken . It takes , especially with Saturn .

Speaker 1 22:21

It takes a while to navigate and find that wisdom in that area and to be able to lean into that energy . And then Uranus is like Uranus wants complete autonomy , freedom , independence , authenticity . This is where you are different . You are unique in your chart wherever Uranus is . And so , having these two energies there , it's really hard for me , and so I've learned to just like accept that , right , I have Pluto square , my moon . My moon is on my ascendant in Leo and Pluto is in my fourth house .

Speaker 1 22:48

So the way I experience myself is really intensely and I could fight that and be like no , I'm just going to be such a blight and bubbly person , I'm not right . It doesn't mean that I'm not fun . It doesn't mean that I'm like boring or it doesn't mean anything actually far , far from boring , but like it doesn't mean anything about me other than what I make it mean about me . But looking at these areas in your chart allows you to accept and stop fighting . So for my twenties , my early twenties , college , like I wanted to be the fun friend . I wanted it so bad and I just wasn't like not to say that I wasn't fun again . But people bring it to me fun again . But people bring it to me Right , if that makes sense .

Speaker 1 23:30

Like I'm not , like I can match the energy and I think I'm funny , but I don't innately like have that light playfulness that some people do . I'm not great with surface level conversations . Like I want to go deep . That's just that's where I thrive is the depth is like I want to figure out the world and life . And because I have Sagittarius in the fifth house too . So this is . You know , sagittarius is the philosophers , like the guru , it's sort of like the teacher learning adventure , seeking all those sorts of things . And so I say all that just to say that , like looking to your chart and understanding how you can use and lean into the highest expressions of these energies can really help you again create self-awareness and understand how you can just be you .

Speaker 1 24:20

And after I was going through this whole big experience last week , I was like I need something that's going to ground me , something that's going to make me feel better . And so I turned to the tarot and taking a tarot course and the first thing that I was diving into was the fool which is ruled by Uranus , which is all about being you right , being you , stepping off the ledge , even though sometimes we don't know what's underneath there . It's just like taking that step and then knight of wands and knight cards are like your rhythm , your pace . It's movement , wands is fire , creativity .

Speaker 1 24:53

But what I understood this to mean , and especially what really really hit me in that moment , was like I have to honor myself , my unique individuality , my authenticity , who I am and no one else . And when I'm honoring myself , then I'm magnetic . And we know , with manifestation work . When we are authentic , when we are ourselves , when we are in that energy , we are magnetic . You cannot be anybody else when you're trying to be the shoulds and I need to be the fun party girl or whatever . If that's not who you are , it's felt . Your energy speaks louder than your words . Your energy speaks first .

Speaker 1 25:29

People pick up on that , whether they realize it or not , and so it was just like a huge again , like kind of a huge wake-up call of like okay , I need to course correct , I need to kind of move through this and again be okay with being by myself but also showing up and having . I don't know , I'm still kind of grounding into the lessons of what came up , but I did see there is a lot of lessons around nervous system regulation . A lot of lessons around the importance of regulating not only when you're low but also when you're high , basically daily , continual , consistent regulation . And again , that holding the capacity , being able to hold and to receive

The Importance of Authenticity

Speaker 1 26:24

when something comes in , is so , so important . So it was just a really big lesson and I shared this because if you've experienced anything similar , if your trauma gets activated by certain things , like it's okay , we're human , it happens . I could .

Speaker 1 26:38

For a couple hours I was so mad at myself . I was like , man , you ruined that thing , right ? You self sabotage , like how could you ? Like what is wrong with you ? And I had these thoughts and I was like you know what it's ? It's , it is what it is . It's life . Life will move on . There are 7 billion , 8 billion people on this planet Like it's all good , truly . And and it really really reminded me there is no rush . If there is a rush for something like if you have to make a decision right now , if your emotional authority specifically like it's not for you and there's no rush , that's a big one . My energy just wants to move so fast , but there's no rush . I have a lot of fire in my chart , but there's no rush , it's fine , it's all good . So I hope this was supportive in some way in your journey . I hope this was supportive in some way in your journey .

Speaker 1 27:31

Just things to reflect on right , like if you're feeling activated , raw , emotional , just as hard as it may be . Be with that experience , because it will always pass . Every single emotional low you've been through has passed right . And so ask the questions , come to your journal . If you have a tarot practice is beautiful , whatever it is that supports you tapping , meditation , walking , talking to a safe friend that can move you through it . Not talking to 20 different people forget for 20 different validations or opinions but like having someone safe to move through it with .

Speaker 1 28:11

And again , remember that you're human . You're human . We're here to have the human experience . It's all an experiment . We're figuring this shit out one day at a time , one situation at a time , one person at a time , and we're social creatures . We want to be in relationship to other people , and so last week was big for me . You know , with the new moon . New moons are exciting , energy right .

Speaker 1 28:37

Again , this is , we're planting our seeds and we have , this week , pluto stations retrograde on Sunday , but this week we are , everything is direct , which is a great week to move on things . And after I had cycled through this , something dropped into my world that I'm super excited about . I can't talk about yet , but I'm super excited about . So it was almost like I had to move through this and come to this place of acceptance around it and awareness , and the universe was like , okay , well , here you go , here's something to be excited about . So , again , learning to regulate and not have to rush things Because again , that was the biggest huge lesson of last week was like there is no rush , like we can be calm , we can be slow , we can move through this . And again , with my son and Taurus , we are learning to through our rising sign , we are learning the lessons to embody our sun sign . So we're not necessarily born embodying the energy of our sun sign . That's something we're growing into . So the more that I can lean into that slowness of my sun sign , it actually feels really good right , like there is no rush , it's all going to be good . So I hope that was supportive , as always .

Speaker 1 29:47

Thank you so much for listening

Final Thoughts and Upcoming Offers

Speaker 1 29:48

, for being here . You can follow me on Instagram at Rochelle Christian R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E , dot . C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n-e . Tiktok is the same . I am being active again on TikTok Website , rochellechristiancom . Empower starts May 12th If you want to join us . This is a small group coaching program program where we really really really dive into your chart , subconscious reprogramming to sort of really embody , because human design and astrology are tools and tools are nothing but intellectual information unless you embody them . So we're really learning how to bring it into your system to begin living in alignment . So if you're interested in that , the link is down below . You can send me an email , you can send me a message on Instagram . But again , I thank you so much for being here and I will catch you next week .