300. 40th Birthday Reflection On Energy And Change

This week was a solo where I talked about the biggest lessons if the past year.  

In this episode, I talk about:

• Energy
• Facing subconscious programming
• Network marketing 
• Healers 
• Authenticity
• Energetics
• Healing and the mind 
• Midlife transits 

Astro Design Collective

Gloci 

Christianity Reimagined Episode with Robert Foreman

Where you can find Rochelle:

Mastery Monday Newsletter

Substack
Instagram

Website

YouTube

Email: info@rochellechristiane.com

Use code ROCHELLE and get 40% off 

Transcript

Welcome And What We Explore

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Rochelle Christian Podcast. I'm Rochelle, your host. I'm here to help you come back to your body, take charge of your emotions, and live life on your terms. This podcast is a space for raw, real conversations about what it means to trust yourself, lean into your power, and create a life that feels aligned and alive. We'll explore human design, astrology, and other tools to help you understand your unique energy. More importantly, though, we're gonna talk about what it means to actually live and embody these aspects. So each week I'm gonna share stories, lessons, guidance to help you navigate life's challenges and really own your magic. So if you're ready to step up, take control, and show up as the most authentic version of you, let's begin. So this episode is a really special one. Not only is it the 300th episode, which seems crazy from where I started, this was literally just my little online journal. I was like, I have things I want to say and I don't know where to say it, but we're gonna just start a podcast. And that was, oh my gosh, 2019, I believe, or 2018, I can't remember now. Oh my gosh, I think it was 2019, fall of 2019, and I was sitting on it for months. I was like, I don't know if I should do it. And I was in this program, and she was like, Rochelle, not everybody has that desire to start a podcast. So you should just do it. And literally, I think it was like the next day. I was on the way home from work in my car, and I just had my headphones, my AirPod or my yeah, my AirPod headphones, I guess, or the wired ones, the Apple airphones, Apple headphones, and I was like, we're gonna do this. And that is the very first episode. I should actually go back and re-listen to it because I would imagine it's probably dramatically different from where I am right now. And so it's the third 300th episode, which is amazing. And it's also my 40th birthday tomorrow. So the episode comes out on Thursday, May 14th, and tomorrow, May 15th, is my 40th episode. And if you've been here for a while, you know that every year uh around my birthday, I put out just sort of like a reflection episode. And it's really cool. I actually should have re-listened to last year's just to see where I was at. I mean, I know where I was at. Um, but uh yeah, this year has been wild for so many, so many reasons. I know 2025 was crazy for so many people. And if you track your perfected year, so basically it's just the year that the the year, the the year that you are is related to a house, and that's sort of the lessons of the house and the planet that rule that for that year. So this year for me has been a fourth house Mars year, and it has been one of so many limiting beliefs coming up, so many subconscious narratives and patterns and conditioning and frustrations and anger and bitterness, but also there's been this really this peace underneath it. There's been um yeah, I guess peace is the biggest or the best word that I can use that's fitting for what the past year has been through everything. I without getting too much into my story, I grew up internationally, which is one piece to my story. So I feel like the compassion and empathy that I hold, I really attribute to growing up around so many different people from so many different walks of life, traveling so much to places where you know you don't speak the language, you don't look like the people culturally are so different, and just finding a way, a common ground, a way to relate, a way to connect, a way to communicate. And I feel like that is one of my greatest strengths in life has been from those experiences. I have also in astrology, I have a Libra South mode, and that's been a huge, huge theme of my life. Um, I have a lot of conditioning around using my voice as a Leal Rising. Of course, that's a shadow, right? Um, between the Leal Rising. There's so much, I'm not even, I'm not gonna get into all of my chart, but there's just a lot of things that I, in this 40th year of life, have been reckoning with, have been coming face to face with. The people pleasing, the shrinking, the not being in my feminine, the wanting to be in my feminine, the saying no, setting boundaries, like all of these things have been major lessons in my life. And when I look back, there is a sort of sadness that I feel when I witness past versions of myself, how much she shrunk, how much she kept her voice quiet, how much she didn't say, how much she just accepted, because those were the things that kept her safe at certain points in her life. And I love that version of myself. I haven't always loved that version of myself, but I do love that version of myself because although we know that people pleasing is a form of manipulation and control, because you're trying to control the narrative and you're trying to control how other people react, and you just can't control how other people react no matter how much you want to, it doesn't work that way. But this year has really been this sort of merging between intellectually knowing certain things and then also witnessing my body responding in certain ways. So still falling into certain narratives, still following certain paths. And I think that it being that sort of fourth house year for me in Mars year, we always we get a choice. We get a choice of how we show up, we get a choice of who we want to be in every moment. I think that there are so many versions of us, and we're allowed to change, we're allowed to choose in each moment. A big theme of the past five months, actually, has been looking at I told I I've lost my train of thought. So I joined a network marketing company in January, and I always love network marketing companies because they have this beautiful way of having you face your wounds, of having you face the parts of yourselves that is holding you back, the parts of yourself that is not in alignment, that is not taking action. And a lot of people kind of hate on network marketing marketing and like, oh yeah, well, you know, if these people at the top, but then everybody else just kind of like, you know, you throw your money in a pot and then everybody kind of falls away. And yes, that happens, but that happens in sales, that happens in a lot of different arenas because you have to, you're not working for anyone but yourself, right? So you have to show up for yourself. You have to show up consistently. And I'm really, really great at being consistent. And also these Mercury retrogrades in water signs. So we had Mercury retrograde in Scorpio, and then we had Mercury retrograde in Pisces, and now we're gonna have Mercury retrograde in Cancer, and then we're gonna have Mercury retrograde again in Scorpio, is bringing up a lot of subconscious wounding, a lot of emotional patterning. And so as I've been navigating that part of my business, how do I add in this product? That how do how do I make it make sense? How do I merge and how do I show up in this way? And it's been kind of sticky and it's been really slow. And also, I know that it's the long game, as is my business, as is the podcast. And I'm a manifesting generator. So there is not like one way. I know so many times we're taught like you have to like hone in and just the one thing. And yes, I think that that can work for some people, right? And that's the beauty of these tools is understanding your own energetics, understanding yourself. And also, I do believe that highly successful people have more than one stream of income. And so it's been really facing these parts of myself and facing my relationship with money because it's all energetic. And I think that's what I wanted to weave in with the network marketing and why I originally brought that up is because the team that I'm on is a lot of healers, a lot of astrologers, a lot of healers, Reiki, psychics, like all that sort of like healer energy, the healer archetype. And there's this theme in that community as soul pr soulpreneurs, solopreneurs, uh, you know, however you spiritual entrepreneurs that is, I guess, what we call the broke archetype. Um, sorry, the broke healer, not the broke archetype. The archetype is the broke healer, and this is a conversation we've been having inside the team of how do we move away from that? How do we shift our energy and align to essentially it's worthiness, right? We have to find our own worthiness with receiving money because it's it's all energy, it's all the same, right? Whether it's money, whether it's love, whether it's food, whether it's career, energetically, it's the same thing. And that's something I'm learning. And I think one of the biggest lessons for me this year has been as I've deepened my intellectual knowledge on philosophy and spirituality and like reading all the books because I'm always reading all the things. And that's all great. But if you're not actually taking action and implementing the things that are going into the mind, we could have a mind full of shit, and it doesn't make a difference, right? My mind, I have so much information in my mind, but if I'm not implementing it and I'm not using it and I'm not day-to-day showing up in a different way and choosing different things, it doesn't matter because the thing is, like when I read self-help books or I read personal development, spirituality, the message is always the same. And it's like, especially if you've been in this for a while, some people, myself included, where it's like, okay, I've read all the books, I'm doing the meditations, I'm moving my body, I'm eating, I'm doing all of the things. And yet I still look around my life and I'm like, damn, like I don't actually feel like that much has changed, right? It has. But there's an energetic piece to it that we have to do. And I can feel it in my body. I can feel it. It's like in my throat and it goes down to my heart. There's just a this like line of tension that I constantly feel around the conversation of money, around the conversation of my business, around the conversation of healing and subconscious beliefs, and I can feel it every single time I'm confronted with someone saying something and I watch myself shrink and not say the thing that I want to say. Or I'm confronted with just last week, somebody said something very I perceived very judgmentally to me, asking me something about my preferences. And I had a moment where I completely closed in on myself and I was like, oh my gosh, they don't agree with me. So I need to agree with them. I need to look like that's actually not what I want. I need to look for an excuse for why I did that thing. And I was like, like as I'm like even saying it, right? You can feel the tension, you can feel I'm speeding up talking about it. I'm like, okay. This has been one of the biggest lessons over this past year. Breathe. Pause. We don't have to be confrontational in a way that's sparking like reaction or a fight or aggression. We don't have to be assertive in that way either. I think that there are certain archetypes that are associated, and and I'm just Aries is like wringing my head, right? I have an Aries North node, and I think that I've worked a lot around how do I embody that Aries North Node when I don't feel aggressive in that way. I actually feel very much like my Libra South Node, which is Venusian ruled, which is I'm, you know, my son is in Taurus, so I'm very Venusian in my chart, in my being, in my soul. Like I feel very connected to that feminine part of myself. But there is this Aries archetype that I'm that I'm should be moving towards that feels uh out of reach, I guess, for me, because I am not those things. I mean, we all have moments, right? We we all have everything within us, whether you're talking archetypes, astrology, human design, like whatever it is, we all have everything in us. Whether you believe it or not, you've lived countless lives before this, whether it's human lives or lives as a you know, spark of light on something else or some alien creature somewhere in another planet. Like we've lived so many lives. We have so many iterations of ourselves. We have so many, this is why archetypes are so beautiful. And why I love archetypes specifically is related to astrology. Because we all have it in ourselves. When you look at your human design chart, you might not have gate three acted, but active, but you experience that. You experience that in your physical vessel when it's activated by another person, when it's activated by the transits, when it's activated by something, you experience that in your body. And so we all have everything within us. And so I think that what I've learned through my kind of sitting with for decades, uh, this Aries uh Libra North South node, which by the way, my south node is conjunct Pluto, which deepens my karma with Libra. It's so easy for me to be the supporting role. It's so easy for me to collaborate on the back end. It's so easy for me to make connections and let the other person stand. It's so easy for me to people please and avoid confrontation. I had someone say to me, they're like, uh, I was like a little offended when they said it originally, but they were like, you just you pretend to be so nice. And I was like, What do you mean I pretend to be? Like, I don't pretend to be anything. And they were like, Well, you tend to uh like sometimes you just don't say anything. Like I let things slide, or like, like, and I'm like, okay, yeah, that I could see. But I was offended. I was like, I really thought about that for a while. I was like, do I pretend to be nice? Like, I don't think that I pretend, like I genuinely think that I'm a kind person, kind and caring person. But to the point of what the person was trying to make, I do 100% to avoid confrontation. Sometimes I do keep my mouth shut. And that is something I'm working on, where it's like, but I will, if there's a situation where someone else is taking the fall or there's anger involved towards someone else for something that I did, anger triggers me and activates me so much that even in the face of that anger being directed towards me, I don't want anyone else to take the brunt of like what I did. So I will like honesty is one of my values. And so I really try and always like show up in that way. Um, but so in the past year, I have noticed some physical aches and pains, I suppose. I generally don't feel much pain in my body. I'm very fortunate and very blessed to live and to inhabit this avatar that is Rochelle, uh, that is generally feels really good. But over the past year, I have experienced some back pain. Um, I am currently experiencing you if you're on YouTube, I don't know if you could see it, but I'm just having a little bit of like rashing. It's actually seems to get better because I've been literally at night, and like if I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm just sitting there, I'm like, my body is strong, my body is healthy, my cells know exactly what to do to make me strong and healthy. And I just repeat that over and over and over again. Um, and it sounds silly, but again, everything is energy, and and so your mind is so powerful. This is why a lot of times when people get certain diagnoses, if the mind believes um whatever it is, that will be your reality. And and aside from diagnosis or anything, like what you attach to I am, for people listening to the podcast, that was a little bit loud. I I hit my table. What you attach to I am, however you finish that sentence, is your reality. So I used to like I I I really don't hear it that much anymore, but I used to hear a lot of like younger girls, especially in the service industry, they're just like, I'm dumb, I'm stupid, oh my gosh. And I always am like, no, you're not, like, don't say that about yourself. Because if that's what you continually say on like repeat, that is going to be your reality, and it's not the truth. I have also I've been exploring Kabbalah for a few years, and it just resonates so strongly with me. I grew up Catholic and then I just stayed away from the church. There, I I've had a conversation on here. Um, I'll have to link it below. I can't uh I cannot remember what his name was, but he wrote a book about um Christianity and it's escaping me. But I will link the episode down in the in the show notes because it was so good. But one point that he made that I think is so true is that churches give us a sense of community. What I believe is so important when in life, but especially when you're on the journey and you want to change your frequency, you want to change your reality, you want to change your experiences. It's so important to constantly inspire yourself. And so I think that there was a time for people who are religious or oriented and go to church. I think the actual church piece is more about the connection, it's more about staying inspired. Um, and so if you don't have something like that, like that's something for me. So I live um in North Texas. I've been here since 20 my gosh, 14, 15 14. Yeah, oh my gosh, 2014 has been way too long that I've been here. But this has been on my Mars line. This has been the most challenging place that I've lived in. This has been such a period of isolation in my life. I have met some incredible people, uh, but it has been incredibly challenging to feel so alone in what I've been moving through. Um divorces, single parenting, trying to build a career, trying to change my life. But then when your circumstances don't change, right? Like your life won't change. And it's up to us to take action. It's up to us to do something. I was literally just drilling this morning. And that has always been the one piece that has been, I guess, challenging for me being here. I'm not exactly sure why. Um, I guess when I was younger, I moved around a lot. And when I moved here, especially when I got pregnant with my son, I was like, okay, I can't outrun these problems. Like I'm taking them with me everywhere I go. So I have to work on myself. And so I have deeply worked on myself, but I don't have a community. I know a lot of people because I've been here for a while. I I've met a lot of people, and I tend to meet a lot of fourth lines. So I meet people who know a lot of people. So it's like if there's generally, and it's actually interesting, in my design, I actually have more fourth lines than anything else. Um, and so yeah, I tend to meet people that know a lot of people, and which is great, but in my day-to-day, um, it tends to just be like me and my kids. And I think that when I was dating it, it was a little bit differently. And at the end of last year, I had a dating experience and I was just like all in on it, and it didn't work out. And I think I'm still recovering a little bit from that one, not because of the person so much, but I think that I saw so much of what I wanted in that dynamic, and I also, this was right in the middle of the Mercury retrograde in Scorpio. I faced so much of my own patterning and my own pain. And there is a part of myself now that is avoiding dating because I don't want to feel that again. I'm like, I'm literally so tired of feeling that. And also, I do want a partner. And so I'm not rushing it and I'm being more intentional because I think before I wanted the connection and I would date like people, and and it was great. And I would end up in situations, I think, because whether it was wanting like external validation or just wanting to have somebody and not letting go when I should have let go. Um, so many lessons, so many lessons in that. So I haven't been dating uh 2026. Yeah, I don't think I've gone on a single date, and I'm like okay with it. I I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Um, I mean, we there are moments, of course, but generally I'm content reading my fantasy books and my astrology and and working on my business and work and you know being present for my kids and all that stuff. Like that's great. Um, but I can feel like, you know, everything is cyclical, and I think that. When we get so trapped in the moment and we think that it's never gonna end, like it's always gonna end. There's always gonna be waves, there's always gonna be cycles. And so it's like working on those things. And also the biggest teacher is the dating experience, is actually going on dates. It's actually connecting with people, is actually being in dynamics where I have to set a boundary or I have to ask for what I want, or I have to face my like intense emotions that come up when I tend to date people or when I tend to have feelings and all of that stuff. Like I know that that's where the work is. But my soul is tired. My soul is tired, and she's taken a little, I say a year, so we're gonna go with that. She's taken a year to just recharge and to connect more with herself, to connect more deeply with herself and to work on those boundaries and expectations and all those things with in other dynamics so that when that comes back, um I'm ready for it. So we'll see. There's all the um you're never ready for it, but um, that for me is my challenge. And everybody has it somewhere, right? Whether it's a family dynamic, where it's a dating relationship, whether it's friendships, whether it's career, whether it's my everybody has one part that they find more challenging than others. Some people, it's just like relationships, nothing, and they've been married for 15, 20 years and they're just like content and happy, and that's beautiful, right? Um, and so yeah, everybody has the thing that is asking for their attention, that is asking for healing, and that is the mirror for their deepest wounds. For me, that's really that's dating, that's romantic relationships. So I've been watching a lot of my patterns. Um, I have been starting these midlife transits. So transiting Pluto is square. Like literally, as we speak, it's directly square to my natal Pluto in Scorpio, five degrees. And I also think that it's in my fourth house. So I'm in a fourth house year, which actually, so technically Friday, I'll be in a fifth house year, ruled by Jupiter, which Jupiter's expansive, and I have Saturn and Uranus in my fifth house. So we'll see. Maybe I'll be feeling more activated and wanting to date and explore that part of myself once I'm in that fifth house year. But okay, so I've been in a fourth house year, been having the Pluto square, which is further activating my fourth house because I have Pluto in my fourth house. Neptune square Neptune. So my Neptune in Capricorn is square, Neptune in Aries. And Uranus is finally out of Taurus because since 2018, Uranus moved into Taurus on May 15th, my birthday, 2018, just for me. And I actually have so my mid-heaven is zero degrees of Taurus. So the minute it moved into Taurus, Uranus is right on my mid-heaven, crumbling everything down. And it literally has been since 2018 that the trajectory of my career has dramatically changed. I feel like I, and I say career, so there's something else I've been like contemplating and sitting with too. Like, I don't know that I have had a career path in my life. I kind of, you know, I was young, I was in international, I went to college, and then I just was figuring myself out. I did a few different things, hospitality management. Um, and then I was a stay-at-home mom for about three, four years. I was a stay-at-home mom. And then I moved here. Um, and I've just really kind of just done serving. And then I had a seven years in marketing uh-ish, about seven years in marketing. And then I burnt it all to the ground and I went back when I was started bartending um because I wanted space to be able to work on this, the podcast, my business. Um, and so I've just kind of been, you know, here and there. I did some freelancing for a little while. So typical MG, right? I'm just like kind of all over the place. But 2018 um was when I got the marketing job, and I could just feel how uncomfortable. Well, I got one of the marketing jobs was 2018. And I could feel just immediately kind of I loved it in the sense that it was for a startup. And so I feel like there's a lot more creative freedom um when you're working for startup because you're also not just like I wasn't just marketing, I was kind of doing everything, like coordinating events and all the stuff. Admin stuff, running errands, like we did like a little bit of everything. Um, but I could feel the shift. That's sort of when I really started. Uh, I think it was that year, 2018 or 2019, when human design kind of dropped into my lap, and I was like, this is the thing. So it was like very closely to Uranus moving into Taurus when my path kind of opened up for me, right? I kind of was like, wow, this. I've I've never in my life felt the resonance to anything consistently for this long as I have to human design and astrology. Nothing. And so I know, like my soul burns for this, right? Like I know that this is a huge part of my path. And that really was activated when Uranus moved into Taurus in my 10th house. But anyway, Uranus is out of Taurus, it is officially in Gemini. And when it's in Gemini, it's gonna be my Uranus opposition. So I'm in a Pluto square Pluto, Neptune square Neptune, and then I'm soon to be in four years, uh, my Uranus opposition. And these are slow, these are slow moving planets, slow moving transits, slow moving activations. And so it feels I'm not I'm not sure what it feels like. It's it's a lot. It feels like a lot. It feels like a lot of comp contemplation, a lot of awareness, a lot of figuring things out and being more intentional, even just with prayer, with intention, with showing up for myself, for again, that slowing down and pausing and breathing. Um and I think just being real with myself, with what I'm feeling, with what is coming up. Because I think there's a lot of things sometimes where we feel something and we're just like, no, no, no, we can't feel that. Shove it down, shove it down. Don't think about oh my gosh, the amount of times that like in the past that I've cried or I've felt something, I'm like, stop, stop right now, stop. I literally will say that in my head. I'm like, stop, stop, just shove it down, put that little, put the lid on the bucket and we're moving on. We're not doing this, right? And so it's like when you open that bucket, when you open that container and everything wants to come out, and you're like, oh my gosh, there's so much in here. And so I feel like I feel like I did that when I really started my journey, kind of like when Uranus was in started Taurus, was when I kind of like peeled that lid up and I was like, oh my gosh, and it's just been a lot. Um, and so yeah, I think just like acceptance of what is and knowing that I want more and working so much on the mindset to get there because it requires action, and that's the hardest one. Because when you take action, when you step into a place that's uncomfortable, all of those limiting beliefs are screaming at you. You can't do this. Look at what that person's saying. All the fears come up, right? The limiting beliefs, the fears, the self-sabotage, it all comes up. And it's like when I watch that happening, I have to remind myself, like, come into the body, let's let's get out of the head, let's let the head do what the head's gonna do, because it's always gonna be doing something. But we need to drop into the body, right? We need to drop into that, like knowing that intuition, um knowing of like where where we're going. And that can be hard, that can be really challenging. And so, yeah, I feel like a huge theme is just being authentic and working on my energetics because I do believe your energy speaks louder than you do, like people feel your energy before you even open your mouth, right? Like, you know that feeling when you walk into a room or you you get near someone and you're like, ooh, you know, and they might say all the right things and you're like, but I don't feel the resonance. Like, I don't feel the truth of that. I don't feel like you're being truly authentic. And sometimes it's a mirror for us, right? Where am I not being authentic? Why does that trigger me? Why does that behavior trigger me? Because there's a part of me that has that in me that I've suppressed and rejected to receive love by whether it's your family, friends, partner, whatever. And so I think that it really comes to a place of again working on the energetics, I think has been huge this past year. Creating awareness around patterns, habits. Like, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Like, I literally, and it and it, it's some of it seems so simple that we overlook it. And right now we're in gate 23 in human design. So simplicity is like the theme of this week. But sometimes it seems so simple, like fold the laundry and put it away. Like you, like I will sometimes look at a laundry basket for like two weeks. It's like just fold it and put it away. It actually makes you feel better, especially as an MG. Like, if you're an MG, like your space when it's clean, like you it, you're you're able, like your energy can like flow so much better. And so, like today, I got up and I was like, I wanted to sit and read on the couch because I'm like deep into this throwing up glass. I'm rereading it for the second time, and I'm just as involved in it the second time as it was the first. But I was like, okay, I but I have so much to do. I wanted to go to the gym, I needed to clean my house, I wanted to record this podcast, I have a blog that I need to write. And it would have been so easy to just be like, no, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna read today. I'm gonna take a day for myself, self-care. And some days it's like that, right? But like the today I woke up and I was like, okay, that's what I want to do. I always journal in the morning. First thing, journal in the morning. I I kind of closed my eyes and just like sat, I kind of closed my eyes and just like sat with myself for a bit. I did read um a little bit of the convoluted universe, and then I dropped my kids off at school, and then I came home and I was like, I'm cleaning. So I cleaned my house. I folded my laundry. It's still on my bed, but I folded it. The laundry basket is put away, we're ready to go for the next cycle, and I feel better. So that way when I got to the gym, I was like, oh, I felt more motivated to be there. And it's so simple of just folding the fucking laundry that has been sitting there. Just do it. Um, so yeah, so habits, patterns, literally all these things. But again, I I feel like the biggest, biggest thing that I'm working on currently is energetics. And how do I get my frequency and get my energetics in a place where that I know that I am, if that makes sense. Like there's this piece of me that I always like feel, and she's soft and she's sweet and she's kind. And I was walking today and I was thinking about it. I was thinking about being authentic and you know, being loud, and you know, I again I have this Leo side of me and I have this people pleasy side of me. And it's not to say that the people pleasy side is of me is that side of me, but I'm like, I and I always think this where I'm like, I don't have to be the loudest person in the room to be heard and to say no and to set a boundary, right? Like, I don't have to freak out about it, I don't have to do any of that stuff. And even if you're just like, if you listen to last week's podcast episode, right? Like Robin was saying, like, saying, I'll think about it. It's probably a no, like 99%, it's gonna be a no. But even just starting that of just instead of saying yes in the moment or saying no or whatever, like it gives you a chance to breathe and to come back and to be yourself and to like come from that energy. Um, and I think that I don't know, I we're like living in these avatars, right? Like this, this, this life, and it's everything and it's nothing at the same time. And it's like for our souls, it's the blink of an eye, but for our 3D humanness, it feels like forever, right? It feels like this is everything, and it is. It's both and. Um, that it's like, how can I be of this world in the 3D, prioritizing the things that the 3D prioritizes while moving my soul while moving my soul forward, while moving myself along. And I think that the last couple days, I feel like I've been quiet in social media. And it's funny because nobody notices, right? Like we think that everybody notices, but nobody notices because I've been like really reflective, really introspective. Also, Pluto just stationed direct, I think on the sixth last week. So it could be a piece of that again, because I'm in the square. Um, but it's also this piece of like I'm actually really excited to be 40. It feels like a whole nother chapter of my life. And when I think about it, I'm like, so many people became successful in their 40s, and these transits that are challenging, like it's kind of it's simultaneously this excitement and the sort of like, oh I'm 40. I am not where I thought I was gonna be. And I I don't think any of us really are. I mean, I guess unless you graduate high school and um, you know, corporate America was your path, or you wanted to be a doctor and you became a doctor, and but it I I don't think anybody's ever where they thought they would be, because I don't think life ever works like that, right? Like God has a plan bigger than you, and we don't ever understand. I actually, again, it's in the other room. I wish I'd brought it here, but I was reading a Rumi poem earlier, and he was saying something along the lines of Okay, so it's called bread making. It says, There was a feast. The king was heartily in his cups. He saw a learned scholar walking by. Bring him in and give me bring him in and give him some of some this fine wine. Servants rushed out and brought the man to the king's table, but he was not receptive. I had rather drink poison. I have never tasted wine and never will. Take it away from me. He kept on with those loud refusals, disturbing the atmosphere of the feast. This is how it is sometimes at God's table. Someone has heard about a static love but has never tasted it, disrupts the someone who has heard about a static love, but never tasted it, disrupts the banquet. If there were a secret passage from his ear to his throat, everything in him would change, initiation would occur. As it is, he's all fire and no light, all husk and no kernel. The Kim King gave orders, cupbearer, do what you must. This is how your invisible guide acts. The chess champions across from you that always win, he cuffed, and the scholars he cuffed the scholar's head and said, Taste. And the poem goes on to then he drank, and then he found a beautiful woman and desire and stuff like that. But I I just kind of like love that. The man responds, I had rather, I would rather drink poison. I've never tasted wine and never will. Take it away from me, right? And that's what it says, this is how it is at God's table. Someone who has heard about something but never done it is the one that disrupts the dinner. And so I don't know, I just thought it was so beautiful because it's like yeah, we have to be open to change. We have to be open to the path that we can't see, right? The path that God has for us, source, universe, whatever, that we can't see that is there. We have to be open to it. And I think sometimes we're not open to it. We're so hyper-focused on the way that we want things to look, the way that we thought want things to do. And we don't listen to ourselves. Like, even just a small thing. Like sometimes we'll be at the gym and I wear my headphones at the gym and I have my hat on and I'm kind of like heads down because I just want to get a workout in and and and and head home. And you know, oftentimes I have work to do or whatever. And then sometimes I'll hear a voice where it's just like, just smile. Just look up and smile, right? Like we want connection, we want relationships, we want partners, we want to date, but yet we're not willing to do the thing that puts us in the room, right? Like if I want to date people not online, right? Like if you can't see on the podcast, but I made a face because I'm like kind of trying to move away from the apps and stuff like that. But then that means I have to put myself in situations where someone can see me. And I have to be receptive to it. So just a simple smile. There's also another little quote um in here, and it he says, Whoever acts with respect will get respect. Whoever brings sweetness will be served almond cake. Good women are drawn to be with good men. Honor your friend or treat him rudely. See what happens. So I also love that too, because that's something that I was thinking. We're just like, you just have to be, we're creating our experiences again. I think that's a big thing with all of this. Uh, so that may have just been uh a jumbled bunch of thoughts. But I think the biggest lessons for me this year have been to slow down, have been to be in my feminine, have been to be authentic, and to really, like I said, I think my my goal for the next year is really to work on my energy because I I think about this where I'm like, I feel like I'm genuinely authentic to who I am. And yet things don't reflect that. And then I notice where I have had this up and down relationship with alcohol. I've been, I've talked about it on here, I talk about in social media. And I think sometimes that when I do drink, it's not a fear of what other people will think about me, but it's like I maybe it's because I don't, maybe it's because I don't want to be, or maybe because I want to have this, maybe that sixth line in me wants to look like the role model. So if I'm like drinking, then it's like I'm not being the role model. And so then I think about things like that where I'm like, but that's not being authentic, right? Like I genuine, genuinely love a glass of wine with dinner. And there's there's nothing wrong with that. I was reading, I think it was one Abraham Pike's book, and somebody asked about alcohol, about the vibration and frequency of alcohol. And this is what's always come up for me is with food, alcohol, whatever. It's your intention. It's the vibr, it's the energy you're bringing to it. So if we're drinking to avoid and escape and to get drunk to not face reality, that's a far different energy than I'm having this glass of wine because I actually truly enjoy the fuck out of it. And I just want to have a glass of wine and and that be it. I don't need to have a bottle of wine. I don't need to have two bottles of wine. I don't need to be, you know, passed out and avoiding my life. Like though there's different levels to everything. But I do know, and maybe this is my own internal guilt. I do know that sobriety is in my future whenever it does come. I know that it's there. I feel it, I feel called to it because I feel better when I'm sober. I feel better, clear, more motivated, um, more active, like all the things. And so, yeah, so that's like the biggest uh lessons that I feel like 39 has shown me. So we will see what 40 holds. And if you have listened this far, I wish I could go back and insert something in the beginning. Maybe I'll write something uh in the little thing. But I want to give away um a session. So I am doing a new type of session. It's called destiny reading. And this reading is all about Pluto, your nodes, your incarnation, incarnation cross, cross and your gates. So the gates that Pluto and your nodes are associated with. Because I, as I'm going through this, Pluto, I like Pluto has always been Pluto's square my new moon, and it's square my ascendant, and it's conjunct myself. Pluto has been a huge um energy in my life, and it's also trying my Venus, and so Venus. So I I'm very much of this like Plutonian Venusian sort of energy. This the just been very prominent in my life. And so as I like deepen my own connection with Pluto and what it means, Pluto is very much tied to our karma and our soul. And so I'm offering this new reading called Destiny Reading Again. So if you write a review for the podcast, take a screenshot of the review and send it to info at rochelle.christian. That's info at R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E, C H R I S T I A N E dot com. And just put the screenshot headline Destiny, you'll be entered into uh a drawing, and I will we'll do two weeks. Um, because I know not everybody listens to the podcast the day it comes out. So we'll do two weeks from this episode coming out. So that will be um let's see, Thursday. So it'll be May 28th. I will do a read, I'll I will draw. A name, and um you will get a destiny reading. So that is my birthday gift to you. Um, and for anyone else that wants a destiny reading, you can use the code tourist queen and you will get 20% off. That's again my birthday gift to you. So take your screenshot, write a review, take a screenshot, email it to me, head with the subject is destiny, and you will be entered to win a destiny reading. So thank you so much. I hope that this episode was somewhat helpful and made sense. This has just been my my musings as I'm closing 39. Um, and stepping into 40 and stepping into this completely. It feels like another chapter of life. So I thank you for being here. Whether this is your first time listening, whether you've listened from the beginning, um, but I appreciate it so much. Uh rate, review again. If you review, take a screenshot. You'll be entered to put a destiny reading, share with a friend, uh, it really does help. And connect with me on Instagram at Rochelle.christian, R-O-C-H-E-L-L-E.C-H R S T I A N E. That's the same on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Substack. It's all Rochelle Christian. You can find me anywhere that you want to find me and connect. And I will talk to you soon.