Training Your Self-Talk

In today's conversation, we're going to be talking about the voice we hear the most: our own. What does your internal voice (self-talk) sound like to you? 
If we're not intentional, our self-talk can easily default to negativity, self-shaming, and self-loathing. 

Want to learn how to retrain that inner voice? We'll walk through the four steps to begin the process! 

Transcript

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Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of The Sobat podcast. My name is Anna McGuire. And I'm so excited to have a conversation with you today about sowing intentionally into our lives so that we can reap abundantly in the days, weeks, months. And yes, even the years to come. Do you have a friend in your life that you can literally converse with all day long? Like you could have a conversation with them. From the moment you wake up until the time you go to bed, like you just have that great kind of chemistry where you can talk over and over and over again? Well, I do have some friends like that, that I do love talking to and talking with. And there's just something about these friends that there's this like safety in this comfort there. And so the conversation is so incredibly enjoyable. And anytime I get to hear their voice, it feels like a warm hug. Well, there is actually a voice that we get to hear all day long. And no, it isn't an a voice external to us. It isn't a friend that we necessarily hear all day long. It's not even like music coming from Spotify or Apple Music, whatever you use. No, it is our own voice. The voice we spend the most time with on any given day, really every single day is our own voice. And we hear it, we're with it all day, every single day. I love being out in nature. And I get to live close to this reservoir lake. And off of this reservoir lake. It's called Geist, there is a bunch or there are a bunch of streams of water. And here's the weird thing about streams of waters, they can kind of look like rivers. However, they aren't rivers, they're just streams, they are little tiny stretches of water that come off of Main bodies of water, really, because of one thing. It's that there was a small amount of water that got into a little crevice that eventually more water followed it and that crevice grew bigger and bigger. To the point that it created a stream, all it took was a little bit of water getting into one crevice and there was more rain and more snow and more movement in the water, the bigger body of water in general, it creates this stream. This stream is created by something small that forged a path that created a path for more water to come. So now water naturally flows throughout the stream. And what's cool about streams is that with each moment that the water flows, the path gets more and more defined. And here's the thing, I've learned that our minds work in a similar way to a stream, our thoughts follow the path that we create for them.
Everybody belittling thought, or self shaming, thought self name calling thought carves out a path in our minds. And one thought or one negative comment towards ourselves, it has the ability to create a defined path. It has the ability to create like in our brains, it's literally like railroad tracks, it has the ability to create a new set of railroad tracks in our brain a new thought pattern. When we tell ourselves something over and over again, it can become the default, like water just moves in that direction, because there is a defined path to go that way. And before we know it, talking negatively about ourselves, using our own voice to be a voice of harm, and hatred and and loathing. It can become a habit before we even realize it. And you might think, Okay, well, that's just in my head. Does it really affect me as a whole beam? Absolutely. There's so much research, with some being from Dr. Caroline leaf. She's a neuro psychologist, how our thoughts really dictate and determine much of our behavior. And not only that, but it dictates and determines much of our self esteem. There's so many theories on this. They call it cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral theory, which basically our thoughts dictate our behaviors and dictates the way we feel and the way we think and the way we see and perceive the world and interact with others. And I love that scripture even speaks to this. Proverbs 20 371 of my favorite verses, it says as someone thinks within himself, so he is Another translation says, as someone thinks, so he is and will become. Our thoughts are powerful, the voice that we dialogue with everyday within us our inner voice, our self talk is powerful. It not only affects us mentally, but it really does affect our behavior and our relationships and self esteem. So today, I want to talk about training, our self talk, training that inner dialogue, to be something that is healthy and something that we enjoy interact with not something that we hate or avoid or is just a negative experience. However, before we can talk through the training of having healthy self talk, first, I want to define what is self talk? Well, self talk is the inner dialogue we have with ourselves throughout our day. It helps us understand and process our daily experiences. When it's positive, our inner voice our self talk, it can be our cheerleader, and it can be such wise counsel, and it can boost your confidence and treat you with kindness. On the other hand, when it's negative, like chronically negative, this inner voice can cause some real damage, it can break you down, it can make you feel worthless, and it can lead to self hatred and destroy your self esteem. And here's the thing, there's times where it's good to have an inner critic, because your inner critic inner critic can be productive. Like for instance, when you feel like you want to stay up and binge watch a television show, like your inner critic can remind you, and that's not wise, because tomorrow, you have a full day, and you're gonna feel miserable if you stay up until 1230 Watching junk on Hulu, whatever. Anyway, so there is some good parts of the having like the inner critic, and you know, here, I'll also want to be realistic, it's just not feasible to think positively every single moment of every single day, like we're human. So I do want to like give that like peace to is like, it's not like that you have this like fake like heavy voice like lalalala like going on all day long in your mind. Instead, this is really having a healthy place that you aren't chronically using your voice to harm and hurt yourself. training yourself talk to be healthy, training yourself talk to be something that leans positive instead of defaulting to like the human piece of negativity. So what does negative self talk look like? Well, it looks like blaming, accusing, loathing, belittling, it sounds a lot like I'm not enough. I'm too much. There's no point in trying. I've made too many mistakes. I can't start over. This is just too hard.
I'll never be good at this. I'm weak. I'm annoying. I'm lazy. I'm ugly. I'm dot dot, dot dot things, conversations language that destroys us. That doesn't build us up. Instead, it tears us down. language that is harmful words and statements that you would never utter to somebody that you love and care deeply about. But for some reason, it's so easy to say about you. I want to lean into retraining that today that that isn't our default. I've had the incredible opportunity to run a handful of half marathons, and I've ran a marathon. And as fun as those race days have been, they require something on the front end. And that is training. Like when I signed up for the Chicago Marathon or the Indy Mini or the Carmel half marathon, or whatever it is. I didn't just show up that day, run the race and get my medal. No, I had to train hundreds of miles before I got to that point. So the race was fun. And getting the metal was super rewarding. Because of everything that came before it. I trained for that moment. And I'm learning through my own journey and while journeying with others, that having a healthy inner dialogue, having a healthy self talk is something that you must train is something that you have to be intentional with that this isn't something that again, doesn't default positive, rather, it defaults most often negative and critical. So you have to train yourself. You have to be intentional in this area. So here are things that have helped me to train myself talk to be helped to be something that builds me up. First thing you need to do when training yourself talk is you need to name and recognize it. Name and recognize it. One of my counseling friends, she puts it this way You name it to tame it. Like you can't find the issue in something if you don't first recognize the issue, you can't change something that you don't first see that there's an issue with, like, you can't change a flat tire. If you don't look at the flat tire, like you have to see the issue in order to fix it. So whenever it's happening, call it out. See it like, Oh, my goodness, I'm having this negative self talk right now. I will I will give you a very real example. That is like less than 20 minutes old. So I have recorded this episode. completely, fully finished. Yep, full disclosure here. This was already done. I did it. And I was going to export something on my computer. And I had closed it too soon. And guess what, when I opened my computer again, all but 49 seconds of it was gone. Literally, this whole episode was gone. Do you know what my brain went to immediately? Anna, you are an idiot. That was honestly, that was where my brain went immediately. I'm like, of course, I'm talking about self talk and blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm like, look at you now you're you're a hypocrite like my brain is going 100 different directions. And you know what I had to do at a step back and I had to name it and recognize it and say, Anna, you are speaking so negatively about yourself right now. I recognize it. I didn't take a step back. I had to practice what I had preached already before. And here I am preaching it again. You have to recognize it. Recognize it, whenever you see it happening. Point it out. Be so intentional. Whenever that dialogue begins. Take a step back and say I'm having negative self talk right now. I'm becoming really negative when it comes to my voice towards me recognize it, name it. The second thing is challenge it. So in the case of what just happened to me a few minutes ago, I asked myself, are you really an idiot, Anna? And the answer is no. It was an accident. It was a simple mistake. It has been a long week. I'm a little tired. Like it happens. Like it happens. So mine idiot. No, it was a mistake. challenge it. Whether it's that I'm not enough, or I'm too much. There's no point in trying. I'm a failure. I'll never be good at this. challenge it. Ask yourself,
is this really true? And sometimes, like when we're like being flippant, like, yeah, it's really true. So I found a better way to ask that question is, what about this is false? Instead of saying, what about this as true? What about this as false? So like, as an example, if I said, I'm stupid, like, is that true? I do I have the ability to learn? The answer is yes. Do I know how to tie my shoes? Yes. Do I know how to do XY and Z? Yes. Have I succeeded at things in the past? The answer is? Yes. So I'm looking for the falsehoods in these statements by speaking with things of the past. challenge it, challenge it. Become like an incredible lawyer in this moment for you challenge, that negative thinking those negative statements about yourself, challenge it. Look at the big picture of you do I have the ability to learn? Do I have healthy relationships? Do I have people who care about me like, use the truth, to challenge those thoughts. And the third part is replacing it. So if you're telling yourself I'm stupid, replace it with a truth. I'm learning and growing each and every day. Or this the negative thought is I'm too much. No, I am enough. I was created for a purpose on purpose. I was given my personality I was given my giftings I was given everything I need to fulfill the purpose in which God has created me for I am enough or I don't have what it takes. Replace it with the truth. The truth is, I am a hard worker. I can get to my goals and my desired outcomes because I know how to be disciplined and go after my dreams. I have what it takes. I have what it takes. Take the negative self talk and replace it with the truth. Again, just a handful of minutes ago when I made the mistake and deleted this entire episode because I closed my laptop too soon. gassy anyways, anyways, one thing that I replaced it with when I was practicing this myself was Anna, you are growing and learning every day. You give so much of yourself to love and to serve people. It's okay. When things don't go as you'd planned. That's the truth. It's a truth. Because did I make a mistake? Yes, I clearly made a mistake. I deleted the episode all but 49 seconds. I digress. But the truth is I'm learning every day. I'm learning every single day. And it's okay to make a mistake.
So, recognize and name it, challenge it, replace it. And then fourth thing, practice it. It's one thing to know what to do is another thing to practice what you know to do. So practice it recognize challenge, replace, recognize challenge, replace over and over again. And this is what I found in my own journey. Like working out, the more you intentionally choose to do this, the easier it'll become. The more you intentionally choose to do this, the easier it will become. This has become a second nature for me. There are still moments where it's really hard and I have to fight for it. But this is becoming my default. When I have these negative thoughts. This is becoming my default. To name it, to challenge it and replace it. This is slowly becoming my default. And can I tell you it is so refreshing because I like hearing my voice throughout the day. I like hearing myself interact with me in the midst of doing work or interacting with the world around me. Proverbs 323 Seven s someone thinks within himself. So he is what are your thoughts about you? What are you thinking about when it comes to you throughout the day? And what you think about you, it will eventually make its way out of you. It doesn't just stay internal it does become external. So friend, I hope that as a result of this conversation, you feel encouraged and empowered, and have some tools in your hand to sow intentionally into this area. And Scripture shows us that if we zoned centrally into this area that what we think we become that you will know that as you sow intentionally into this area that you will reap abundantly. Friend, I am always in your corner, and I'm cheering you on. And maybe you might find it hard to hear some of your positive voice up out of the gate. Like you're like I'm trying to hear. Maybe you can hear my voice for a minute that I'm cheering you on. I think you are enough. I think you are brilliant. I think you are creative and that you have a special purpose for your life. Always in your corner. And I'm cheering you on. I love you so much. And I can't wait to talk to you next week.