Attending to Your Pain

Being a #boymom to a two year old comes with certain experiences... like getting stitches two times in the span of four months. The instruction the medical team gave us brought me "light bulb" moment of the importance of attending to hurt and pain in our lives. 

Today's conversation is a heart-to-heart that serves as a reminder and runway for attending to sore and/or painful spots in your life.

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Transcript

Hey friend, welcome back to another episode of The sowhat podcast. My name is Anna McGuire. And I'm so excited to have a conversation with you today about sowing intentionally into our lives so that we can reap abundantly in the days, weeks, months, and even years to come. So one thing that you may or may not know about me is that I have a son named Archie. And Archie, he is two years old. So as you can imagine, we are in a really fun phase and season of life with Him like He is everywhere, doing everything interested in everything, has lots of questions about everything. And so, I'm learning I'm growing, entering a new season of motherhood, as Archie is entering a new season of boyhood. Before Archie was born, Andrew and I were walking through a pretty challenging and growing season. And it was in that season, the Lord gave us the word brave. And we just felt like the Lord is impressing it on our hearts that this next season was going to require us to be brave, but the Lord was going to give us the strength to do so he was going to be our source to be brave. So fast forward several months after that moment, we find out that we're pregnant, which was like crazy and exciting all at the same time. And then before we actually found out that we were having a boy, we're trying to pick out a name. And we had one name that we thought we were pretty settled on for a boy, but it didn't like perfectly land. And one day, the story goes, we were watching Sunday afternoon football and something came up about the Packers. And I was like okay, I'm gonna go on the ESPN app. And I want to read a little bit more about the Green Bay Packers. Well, when I open up the ESPN app, there was an article about Archie Manning and his grandson, Archie Manning. So I went in, I was like, Well, this is really interesting. I like the Manning family. So I went in to write it. And I was telling Andrew about is like, oh me and arch Mani like, here he is is like high school kid. And he's like breaking all these records. And it's says you gotta be better than Peyton and Eli and all this stuff in a intrastat music. I really liked the name arch. And I was like, Oh, I do too. And he said, Google and see what it means. So I look it up and I look it up. And I see that arch means brave. And Archie means truly brave. And in that moment, we have this like gut feeling, we're going to have a boy. And this is his name Archie truly brave. So that's a whole nother side story. But truly brave is who he is. And he is so brave, go and try to defy the laws of gravity and try new things. It's pretty fun to be his mom. With that comes the territory with this little brave boy are these things called injuries. Now, these are small things from like abrasions on his arm, to you know, scrapes on his face to fingers that get jammed and he asks for a kiss on his finger. But there's been some more extreme things like he's had tubes put in his ears. But that didn't really come as a result of his bravery, you're trying something new. But he has gotten stitches two times, both times on his face. In the last handful of months. The first time was in October, the second time was in February. So you could say that Andrew and I are professionals at helping Archie recover from stitches. Now it's interesting because both times that he has gotten stitches, we've been giving very clear instructions from the doctors or the nurse that was there helping us. They said when they took the stitches out, they said to us, you need to be so incredibly careful for the next week and a half. Because if you bump his lip or the second time it was his cheek, if you bump those and you bust it back open, you're gonna have to come back in for stitches. And it might be more stitches the second time than the first time. So you need to be so careful with this wound, that it does not get opened up again. Because it's going to be much more painful and much more tiresome for your child. And we're like sweet now we got to figure out how to at the time Archie was in two with the first one, you know, we got to figure out how this year and a half old doesn't bust his lip and lip open again. And now just a few months ago, a two year old who is super adventurous doesn't bust his cheek open again. So it has been one of those things where we were learning how do we protect these wounds and protect these pains so that it doesn't turn into something more for him. And then on top of that we were told we got to keep it really clean. You know we've got to help with like making sure that he He doesn't touch it, because you don't want to like scrape it open and just add more to it not necessarily that you bust it open, but that you like, aggravate it. And so lots of instruction of how to take care of the pain. And I was actually meditating on that truth that was given to us from those doctors. Several days ago, I was thinking about, man, what if we treated our wounds and our pain, the way the doctor instructed for us, in those moments with Archie that we need to be so careful and take care of it, and not neglect it. Because if we don't take care of it, it's actually going to be worse than it was the first time.
In a culture that is Go, go go. In a culture that is all about really having good image, like having a highlight reel kind of life like one, you know, I hear it a lot on social media, like main character life, like I'm the main character of my show, or life or I don't know, like how to properly use that description. But you know, like, main character energy, like that's what I see a lot on social media and like main character, energy means like, you know, you're living in this like highlight all the time. And I have found that in this gogogo culture in this, like main character, energy type culture, we're not really good at dealing with pain and hurt when pain comes into our lives. What the typical responses is to suppress it. Having been a counselor for several years for being a pastor in ministry, working as a coach with individuals, I see that suppressing pain is the default. And it really is the cultural norm. And with that suppression, with the not attending to the pain, I've seen firsthand, and I've experienced in my own life, that that leads to the pain becoming more intense and more painful. I imagine in this moment, that you and I are looking at each other, like face to face. And that we're having just a heart to heart conversation that maybe you're sharing about some kind of painful experience that has recently happened. Maybe it's a disappointment, or frustration from work, a pain point in a relationship, maybe something totally unexpected that has been incredibly devastating to you. Whatever it may be. My hope is that today, you're reminded of the importance of taking care of your pain, setting aside the time to attend to your needs. As I was preparing for this episode, I felt very strongly that there was one or two people that was going to listen to this episode, and that this was going to be a lifeline, or a very specific encouragement for them, that they're in a hard season or a hard spot or hard situation. And they just need somebody to tell them it is okay to take a moment and to attend to your pain, it is okay to take a step back and to lean into the things that can bring you healing. I don't know what about for you. But for me personally, in seasons where I've been in that hard spot are that hard situation or hard season that I want to distract myself and do more like I don't want to attend to my pain, I don't want to attend to my heart because number one, it takes time. And number two, it takes energy. And I don't feel like I haven't either those things in those hard spots. But I have found that when I don't do those things that on the other side of that season, I am so worn, and I'm so stretched out. And I'm so tired, because I didn't take care of the pain that I was experiencing. And so friend, I want you to know that it is okay to take care of you and the hurt that you have. And we don't even have to scale it. You're like how big are PEV pain are we talking about here? And how little of pain are we talking about here? I'm not even like scaling and I'm saying if there's something in your life that is causing ongoing pain or there has just been a situation that you haven't been able to shake or a moment or hurt or maybe something that has been spoken over you. It is okay to attend to that it is okay to step back from the rat race it is okay to move away from the hustle for a moment to attend to your pain. You might be saying okay, like how do I do that Anna? Like, I may be able to recognize that there's a pain point or there's some hurt in my life. But I don't know How to like even begin to attend to those things. The first thing that I think is so helpful for attending to pain is solitude. Solitude, that means silence, quiet. You can have a journal, but that's about it. You don't get to have your phone. You're not turning on the TV or even having music on in the background. It's just you and quiet. It is in silence and solitude, that I find a really deep connection with my own inner voice, like, Okay, and what is it that you're really feeling? What is it that you're really thinking and processing in this moment? That is a very powerful spot for me.
Silence and solitude, that's a great way to find healing. The second thing is, and this should be no secret is that I believe in having a counselor in your life. There is no shame in having a counselor. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you see a counselor weekly, maybe you do maybe see bi weekly, I say, have a counselor in your life that you can talk to on an oil change basis. How often do you get your car's oil changed? Okay, to three times a year, four times a year, maybe five, I don't know however much you roadtrip we wrote quite a bit. So it was like, I don't know, five or six times a year, I feel like that we're getting my car's oil changed. Anyways, that kind of rotation of Is there somebody that you can talk to and process things with several times a year, that is a third party voice that does not know what's going on in your world, but that can speak to you, and listen to you and give you just care and comfort in the sense that you are seen and heard. Seeing a counselor, huge. If you're like, I don't know how to find a counselor, let me tell you, there are some really great resources like Psychology Today, they have like a counselor map. There are different resources, if you look up, like your county or the city you live in and you just like put in like mental health counselors, there's gonna be some great things that come up. And there's usually like coalition's and especially if you live in like more populated areas. But if you're really in a spot where like, I don't even know how to find a counselor, I would actually be honored. My my contact info is on all the show notes, I'd be honored to help you find a counselor, I can't say that finding the perfect one for you. But I can point you in the direction of how to find a really good counselor finding a counselor, silence and solitude, powerful ways to find healing, to attend to your pain, and your hurt. And then the third thing I would say for attending to your hurt is community. Community. It's interesting because a lot of hurt and pain come as the result of a relationship. And it's so unique that God has designed us to find healing and relationship. And the New Testament, the instruction is given, share one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Scripture and the New Testament also says that when we share with one another, we find healing. Like it says, confess your sins to one another so that you might be healed. I believe that is goes even further past I confess your sins like it's confess what it is that you're going through, like, share what it is that you're going through, because there can be healing on the other side of that. And when we go through pain and hurt, our default is yes to suppress. And then another default is to isolate is to isolate. The enemy does not want to share in our burdens with anybody that is like minded, or that has our best interests in mind. He does not want that. Because he knows that when we are sharing our burdens, we're fulfilling the law of Christ. And when we fulfill the law of Christ, there's freedom and hope and peace there. And so the third thing I say is have community, share with someone that isn't necessarily like a licensed professional, that you can like share your heart with. There are people in my world that I know I can call and reach out to at any time of the day and they will hear my heart and they will receive me in love on me. They won't be the kind of people were given me 100 You know, to do checklists to feel better, but instead they'll just be there with me. The hospital near my house, they actually have many different types of support groups when it comes to loss or challenges or hurt. And they're completely free. And I would imagine maybe a hospital or some kind of community center near you would even have something that you can find community and support for what it is that you're going through. This is my plea This is my request. Wherever you find yourself in this season, make the conscious decision. So intentionally, by attending to your pain, and your hurt, Don't be reckless, that when divert is that you have hurt, you have pain and you're like I whatever. It doesn't matter if I bust this thing back open, no, attend to it don't allow it to be something that is festering and growing and potentially going to be infected because you didn't slow down to take care of it.
Three ways that I found really helpful for me personally that I've seen be helpful for others is silence and solitude, having a counselor in your life and the third thing is community. Friend, I am always in your corner, and I'm cheering you on. And I do believe that your pain and your hurt deserves the opportunity to be attended to. I love you so much, my friend and I can't wait to talk to you next week.