My Fear of Failure Kept Me Small

Have you ever desired to do something BIG, but talked yourself out of it due fear of failing at it? Yeah, me too. I've come face-to-face with huge personal dreams and great opportunities and didn't lean into  them for fear of not measuring up. 

This last year has been transformative for me as I've asked myself a couple of intentionally questions and got into the trenches with the root of my fear. 

This conversation, my hope, is that it'll propel you forward to not allowing fear control or dictate what you do/don't do. 

Transcript

Hey friend, welcome back to another episode of The sowhat podcast. My name is Anna McGuire. And I'm so excited to have a conversation with you today about sowing intentionally into our lives. So that we can reap abundantly in the days, weeks, months and even years to come.
Have you ever desired to do something big, like you had a big dream, but you talked yourself out of this big dream, or this idea out of fear of failing at it?
You see, I have to
countless times I've come face to face with huge personal dreams and great opportunities. And I didn't take advantage of those dreams or those opportunities for fear of failing for fear of not measuring up for fear of not being quote unquote successful at those things.
This last year has been super transformative for me, as I've really started to see how my fear of failure has kept me from doing things that I'm passionate about, has kept me from really being myself and going after things that I want dreams and opportunities.
There's been moments where I've begun to see me and my fear of failure. You know, like, I don't think anybody sets out and says, you know, I just want to like stink at this, like I'm going to try. And I want to fall flat on my face. Like, obviously, nobody really wants that. But I have found over really this last year, as I've really been introspective that for many, many years prior to this year, that in order to stay away from failing, I've avoided taking risks at all. I've avoided dreaming I've avoided new opportunities. I've avoided some dreams because I don't want to fail.
I want to be quote unquote, successful and have a perfect track record.
Today, I hope our conversation is that it will propel you forward to not letting fear control or dictate what you do or don't do. I'm sharing today from a place of hey, I'm on this journey, I first sure have not arrived. I'm still learning and still grappling with this, of not letting my fear of feeling be the dictator or the final word in my life. You might say like, well, how fresh is this? Well, just four weeks ago, I met with my mentor. And we talked through some of this, of fear of failure fear of not, quote unquote, being successful
over this year, I said has been transformative is because I've I've started to see there's been some dreams that I've had. And I felt like held back and almost like chained up to this idea of I've got to be perfect, right? I've got to make sure I don't fail. And I started to notice this year that my focus became
my focus became that I wanted to make my efforts about preventing losses, rather than achieving gains. I'll say that again, I started to notice that I was giving a lot of my energy to prevent failure to prevent losses. Instead of giving my energy and achieving gains, like I was trying to stay safe, like I was trying to keep my world safe, keep my reputation safe, you know, kind of insulate myself to being a person that does not fail.
I started to notice this year that the years passed, and even really, in real time. But really in years past that I would begin to avoid situations where I could potentially be evaluated or judged. So I kept myself in very safe spaces. That didn't require a whole lot of critique because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to be seen as an successful.
You see, I I saw that. I was using a lot of my energy to be safe instead of really going after my dreams and my ambitions.
And there's something that I noticed is that yes, I was safe. But I was also keeping myself small.
I'll say that again. I was safe. But I was keeping myself small by allowing my fear
Failure to keep me from doing anything risky.
You see, there are consequences of failing that keep, you know me worried and anxious and then really prevent me from pursuing challenging goals. There are consequences to feeling like you've got to clean up the mess you potentially made, or you've got to maybe apologize to some people or you're going to have to rework a project or have some difficult conversations. However, I'm finding that the alternative is even worse. That feeling Yes, it is difficult and is challenging. And it's not really fun. Like, I wouldn't label failure fun. But the alternative is even worse. I'm learning that choosing not to pursue my goals or dreams, or even lean into opportunities, never giving myself the opportunity to see dreams or opportunities materialize. That keeps me small.
I don't grow. And it doesn't allow me to try new things, to take on new challenges or to expose myself to new situations.
And what I'm seeing is that, yes, there's safety, but there's small and when I say small, I just mean a keeps me like I imagined myself in like a cardboard box. Like I just I'm like cramped, I'm suffocating as a result of it. So yet, failure, there can be consequences to it, there's things that you have to, you know, correct and learn from. But I'm seeing that the alternative is even worse, Andrew and I really 2020 2021 We just kind of deemed those years, the reworking our dreamer skill, because we'd kind of let that part of us go to the background and fade. And in 2020 was a great year of dreaming. For as I started this podcast, Andrew really leaned into starting our first business, and it was an incredible year. And as we came out of 2020, with a lot of victories, we came into 2021, saying, you know, there's no more, we still have allowed so much fear to dictate our choices, and what we do and don't do. So 2020 2021 were great. But as we reflected through 2021, we began to see, you know, 20, the 2020 was great. But that year, and even the years prior, we've allowed so much fear, to have the final word, when it comes to our dreams when it comes to trying new things when it comes to taking risks, and no more.
Because we have seen like when we look over the years prior really to 2020, we see men we missed out on, like I said, trying new things, taking on new challenges, personal growth, developing new friendships, entering into new arenas and new situations with new experiences.
The alternative to letting fear of failure keep you safe, is way worse than the failure itself.
And what I'm learning, learning now learned, like I'm ongoingly learning is that you can I can conquer the fear of failure, when I begin to better understand what causes it, and how it affects me, or how it affects you.
So one thing that just in the counseling world and working with some mentors of mine, I've seen the importance of getting to the root of the fear. Yes, there's fear of failure. But what I'm discovering is that behind the fear of failure is actually another fear. Like the fear of failure is kind of the presenting fear. Like that's what the way it shows itself, but behind it is actually the real fear.
And so when I took the time to look at the root of what might the fear behind the fear of failure was, I was then able to do the heart work, of addressing my fear.
So maybe you're in this boat with me that there have been moments in your life where you've avoided amazing opportunities or going after your dreams or trying new things because you have feared failing.
And maybe like me, it feels cramped. And you don't want that to be the case but you don't really know how to move past the fear.
I just want to give you a simple invitation of going to the route behind the fence
Fear of failure, getting to the actual fear behind the presenting fear which the presenting fear again, the fear of failure.
So how do we get to the root?
Well, one thing that I have found helpful, my journey is asking myself the question, if I fail, then blank will happen.
Or asking if I fail, then dot dot dot
and letting yourself be with that question and hearing yourself answer. So when I began to ask myself that question, I would hear kind of the the blank be filled with, if I fail, then people will know that I'm an imposter. I don't know about you. But imposter syndrome can be real, it is real. I struggle with that from time to time. And that was one of the the blanks that I filled it with is people are gonna think I'm like, I'm an imposter. I'm a poser. I'm a fake, I'm not successful. The other thing that filled my blank for this question was, I let people down? I'll disappoint people.
Maybe as you ask yourself the question, those will be similar answers for you. Or maybe it will be, then if I fail, then I'll be stuck, I'll be trapped. Or if I fail, I'll become irrelevant, my reputation will have just like faded away. Or if I fail, I'll be embarrassed.
Getting to the root of the fear of your failure.
What's behind it?
For me, I really noticed for me, it had more to do with other people than with me.
My fear of failure was really centric on What would other people think. I was like, Oh, there's the route.
people pleasing. Being concerned with what people think,
wanting to please everyone and make everyone happy and make everyone believe that I'm an incredible person. And I'm amazing. And I got it all together all the time.
There's the fear. There's the route right there, the real fear, the the fear of failures, the presenting fear, but the real fear is letting people down being rejected.
Even sharing this, I'm like, Is this too raw? Is this too real? Because this is this is honestly, what I found underneath that fear of failure.
You might say, okay, you know, once I get down to the roots, and you might say, I don't even have to ask that question. I already immediately know what's at the root for me. What do I do with the root?
Well, the first thing is, it's important not to stuff it or to pretend like it's not there.
Once I began to discover the roots of the fear, I could have swept it under the rug, or just put it on the backburner for another day. But I decided to, to hold on to it to create space for it and to recognize it. And so for you, it might be first the acknowledging like, Yes, this is the fear that I have, you know, stuffing, it isn't going to help you anyway.
And you might say, well, if I acknowledge it, then I'm going to give life to it, actually, it doesn't really work. That way. You can acknowledge something and hold space for something that can be very, very, very healthy, because instead of using the energy to stuff it, you're using your energy to look at it straightaway and say, Okay, I'm not going to run from you. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of my feelings, I'm not afraid of my needs. And you can create space and recognize it.
So after not stuffing it or pretending like it's not there.
For me like that route, once I saw like, okay, letting others down, not being seen as an imposter, rejection, all those things got to the root. I brought it to trusted people.
I brought this to trusted people actually brought it to two of my mentors. And we've had we've had and continue to have some deep conversations regarding it. They're checking in on me when it comes to this area of my life, and it has been so incredibly helpful.
And it has been so refreshing to have people in my corner who know like, you know, that was even a risk to try something new saying hey, I'm gonna bring this to you guys. Will you like help me walk through this? And just to see their response to me was so beautiful like because even that like the root of that fear is there's like, I don't want to let these two amazing women down like
You know, hey, I struggle with fear of letting people down.
I got to the root, I got to the root. And I brought some trusted people in. And just like I shared a few moments ago, as recent as four weeks ago, I've had a conversation with one of those mentors about this.
So for you, I'd say bring the root of the fear to a trusted source,
to a trusted friend, a trusted mentor, a trusted counselor, a trusted family member,
ask if they'd be willing to sort it out with you. They'd be able to walk with you through it.
Another great way that I've found is, yes, bringing it to some people that I trust, and that I love, and I know have my best interests at heart. But another thing that has been helpful for me is journaling. I've been able to really sit down and get with my thoughts and process where did this begin? When did I start fearing letting people down? Like, when did these roots start? Like, where did they come from?
And that has been so incredibly helpful. And moving forward.
Friend, I'm with you, if you're in this place of letting fear of failure, keep you in a place that you feel stuck.
In, can I tell you that as I've really engaged in this hard work, I would call it because it's not like easy or even like painless, and it takes a lot of heart. And it takes a lot of intentionality. But on the other side of it, I have found so much freedom and confidence that I have never experienced before in my entire life. No exaggeration, this is not me being pie in the sky, or fluffy, I'm experiencing a confidence that I have never had before. Because I am learning I am learning that it is okay to try new things and is okay not to be an expert out of the gate. And it's not. And it's okay to not be the expert all the time. And it's okay to not be seen as the most successful, it's okay, my I live for an audience of one. I live for Jesus and His approval. And my goal and my aim is that I make him smile, and I make him proud every single day. And that shift in me, has begun as a result of getting to these roots and confronting lies at these roots, the lies of Oh, nobody will like me if I fail, or, Oh, nobody will love me if I fail or you know, whatever it may be, oh, if I fail, then nobody's gonna want me in my help. Like, they're not gonna see me. Like, they're not gonna see my skills as relevant anymore, whatever it may be. It was it gave me the opportunity to confront those lies and hold on to truth, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that God has designed me with his particular skills and giftings and passions and desires that are unique to me. And as a result of it, I can be confident and walk confidently in those things. And I don't have to fear failure. I don't have to fear failure. It's been an amazing journey. It's been so good. And I'm so excited that it's continuing. And I cannot wait to see three months, six months, nine months, a year from now, where I'm going to be as a result of continuing to lean into this part of my life.
What I'm learning is not taking risks, will keep you safe. But it will also keep you small.
It will keep you from living the life God has intended for you.
A controlling fear of failure will keep you from dreaming, believing and hoping.
I've experienced it firsthand.
And as I in choose to so intentionally in this area, I'm I'm beginning to reap abundantly, again with the confidence with the freedom and it has been wonderful.
And I'm feeling so much more available to live the life that God has intended me to live. Because fear is not controlling me fear of failure is not controlling me like it once did.
Friend, I'm always in your corner. And I'm cheering you on. And I believe that as you get to the root of the fear, the fear of failure, that as you choose to sit with that and process it and and work through it that on the other side there is freedom, there is confidence and there is this willingness to take risks, even if it means failure could be a part of it.
I love you friend, and I can't wait to talk to you next week.