Unscripted: Outlasting Doubt, Defining Your Problem, and Being Seen

I wasn't planning on recording this morning. Good thing he did.

This unscripted episode covers three things retail leaders are sitting with right now: 

1. how to outlast the doubt when you're building something others have already tried to talk you out of 
2. what specific problem your leadership solves and so you actually know the answer
3. the difference between being known and being seen

No agenda. Just straight thinking.

Learn more at worthyretail.com

Chapters:
00:00 This wasn’t planned (and why that matters)
02:45 When everything starts competing for your attention
04:00 The moment where most leaders start to pull back
10:45 The problem you think you solve vs the one you actually do
16:15 The question that forces ownership (most people avoid it)
20:45 Being seen vs being interpreted
30:00 The moment I realized what being seen actually feels like
36:00 Why growth never feels like progress when you’re in it

This is Unscripted.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:50

Well, hello and welcome to uh Retail Leadership with Steve Worthy. Um honestly, this episode um probably wasn't um supposed to take place. Uh I wasn't planning on recording this morning. You know, those of you who are looking at the video of this, you'll see um I have uh just uh I just threw my hoodie on, I have my shorts on, and I just came up to the studio and I said, you know what, I'm gonna record some thoughts that I've been thinking about, that other leaders have been thinking about. And so this is sort of an unscripted episode. Like I said earlier, I wasn't planning on actually recording because uh I've have had a little bit of a lapse in recording, and not because I haven't wanted to, but there have been so many other things vying for my attention, and you know, you can't do everything as a leader, so many times where you feel like there are so many things in your plate and you have to get them all done. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something in order to get the best out of the other things that need to take place. And um, the podcast recording sort of suffered while we were finishing up creating things for the campus. We have so many new things that are taking place on the campus. We just launched our master classes. I'm gonna do a separate episode about that. We are going to be rolling out an internationally accredited retail management um certification. More about that coming up, and we launched a brand new membership assessment. So when you sign into and um become a member of the campus, there's an assessment that you take, and it's it's sort of like an orientation. So those of you, those of us have been in college or uh um gone somewhere for schooling, but there's like an orientation process because we have so much information, so much resources on the side of the camp that we wanted to provide more direction. So a lot of stuff has been going on, and the podcast sort of suffered as a result. But and I needed a I have so many other I have so many topics that I want to talk about, and they're all listed out, and I have separate episodes for them. But what I wanted to do today, this is unscripted, in the context of that I have so many different um ideas and topics, like small topics and thoughts that I have and that different leaders have um either sent me or they've been dealing with. And um it was a list of like 15 of them. I'm probably won't do 15 of them today, but I wanted to um go through them. I'm gonna talk about them, or I'm gonna introduce them, and then honestly, I'm just gonna go off the I'm just gonna go freestyle with some of my thoughts on these. So these aren't this is once again, it's called it's unscripted, and uh just enjoy, just enjoy. And if if you like this type of podcast, please uh let me know. And if you have some topics that you want me to talk about that I don't cover today, go ahead and let me know. All right. So number one, the first one that I have been thinking about, uh and it's it's been interesting, and it's it's it's about how do you outlast uh others, or how do you outlast, you know, the feeling of being uncomfortable when you're when you're building something. So this first thought, of course, came through everything that we've been doing with the campus.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

And I think here's what tends to happen when you move down this entrepreneurial vein, you you tend to come across, you know, you know, individuals who have probably done something very similar to what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

And you know, and what happens is that you may get information or advice on that, you know, yeah, your idea may work or it may not work. Same thing happens with you as a leader, right? You may have an idea direction in which you want to take your market, in which you want to develop and grow leaders, and then someone else will come in and they may say, Well, we tried that already, and it didn't work. And sometimes those situations can be correct, right? Sometimes those individuals can be correct. But how do you know in your sort of the the inside your gut, like that you know that this is the right thing to do? And you sort of you have to outlast the advice, right? Because it's going to continue to come. And then what happens is that you start to play over in your own mind and you start to sort of recreate the ideas that this may not work, right? Or do I like getting this wrong? Right? And it's it's tough.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

How do you outlast you know, the ideas that people may feel that you um they may say that, hey, we've tried that already.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

You have to understand, you have to remember, and this is I know this may sound very simplistic, but I I often have to remind myself of this, is that your idea and ways of thinking are bigger than everybody else, and they're bigger than you. So this vision, I'm just gonna use the campus for an example. This vision of the campus, anytime I feel like I'm not moving things in the right direction or things may not be moving fast enough, I have to remind myself that this thing is bigger than me. I have been very fortunate fortunate to surround myself with people who can tell me when things aren't going right, but they also have the ability to feed and speak life into me when they can sense that this thing may be getting heavy for me. And they can say, Steve, keep going, keep moving, right, keep going in the right direction. And so I've I've I've done a probably better job of surrounding myself with the right individuals who can speak life, who can provide feedback, who can challenge, and who can provide insights and ideas that when things get really tough, decision making ideas seem to not hit as as much as they used to, where I've curated um right people around me to help me outlast the negative thoughts or even the unsolicited feedback that you tend to receive as a leader when you are going down a path that's uncharted. Is that while when you are creating something, well there have been things out there that are similar to what you're trying to create. They're not the same. While you may be trying to create a new way of thinking in your market, while you may be trying to take your your team down this certain path. Well, there have probably been things done in a similar fashion. They're not the same. And here's why, because they're not because those situations you weren't involved in. Everything that we're doing here in the campus, it's new to me. This is brand new. This is something that I've never done before. I may have been a part of something, you know, similar, whether it was college or different communities. What we're building is something brand new. And so I think that's an important thing for you to remember. You know, whenever you're thinking about giving up, whenever you're thinking about like, oh my gosh, you know, this is tough. Um, you know, why don't I just do X, right, instead of doing this, and I can just fall back and do this. Right? You have to think about that this is bigger than you and surround yourself with the right people who are going to help you outlast whether it's some negative thoughts or anything that you're dealing with that's going to hinder you from moving forward. It's an important thing that I want you to think about. And I have to continue to uh remind myself. So I wanted to start with that idea. It actually has to deal with, it almost seems very it's almost a tie-in to what we what we just spoke about outlasting people. So number two has to deal with like what problem are you solving? So you may think that this question only applies to um a business, right? You may think that as I'm as I'm talking, I just spoke about the campus and what we're building and the problems. I hadn't even talked, I haven't even defined the problem that we're solving. But I wanted to pose this thought and this question to you as a leader. What problem, what specific problem does your leadership solve?

SPEAKER_00 12:12

And then as you think about this question, does that problem change over time?

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Are you solving the same problem or are you solving different versions of that problem? And then the last thought about this, and this is once again, this is Steve just going off the top of my mind, is that for every problem there are different layers, right? And then what layer of the problem are you particularly solving for? So what problem are you are you specifically solving as a leader? It's a gro it's a great question for you to know because the longer you are in leadership, we want to be seen as useful and useful and valuable. And we think our value is is associated with a large amount of things that we can be known for or that problems that we can solve. So we almost become like this Swiss army knife of a leader. It's a useful way to think about who you are as a leader, you know, when you are sort of just starting and becoming, you know, and really and like defining yourself because you don't know what your your what specific problem that you have, especially when you're starting out as a leader. Even when you move into um, you know, five years, 10 years as a leader, 15 years as a leader, right? You are still changing, you're still evolving. There are there are um different patterns. I wrote something about this on my Substack about pattern recognition as a leader and how it is, you know, other than approachability, it's probably one of the the uh the most um powerful tools and ideas that you can have in your toolbox as a leader, approachability and pattern recognition. So the longer you go on as a leader, you start to see different patterns forming. You start to see different patterns forming in how people come to you, what problems they want you to solve, how you may specifically or strategically solve different problems over your leadership journey. And so I think it's important for you to pay attention to those things as a leader, was that I put in that book some of the seminal leadership moments in my life, in my career, some of the things that that took place, decisions that I made, issues that I was able to solve or that I created, and then the resulting impact of those things. And I've wrote those things down. So over the last like 20 years, and I, you know, was able to see, you know, from 200, you know, uh uh two until now, the different problems that I've been able to solve, and then also my specific role in issues that I may have created as a leader. And what I realized was that over time, I don't necessarily believe that I was solving um how can I say this? That I was solving like different problems that are so far removed from each other. I think I was solving very similar problems, or maybe I was solving different problems in a similar way, in a similar fashion. Once again, this is just Steve with a stream of consciousness, and hopefully you're getting you're getting some some some real value and ideas out of this, and it's it's causing you to think I think there is a specific way in which I would look at a problem and or I and I would go about looking at it. And partly, here's a little bit of a secret sauce that I know that I can think about like right now that's coming right to the top of mind, is that my first thing, especially when I'm dealing with people, a people problem, one of the first things that I knew that I would always say to like, say an individual's coming to me with a problem, I would, I would, in one way, shape, or form, I would say, what role do you have to play or did you have to play in this situation? And um I don't know where I learned that from. I'm trying to think back where I learned that question. I can't remember. I really can't. I wish I can. And maybe one of these days I'll remember where I learned that from. What that does, that because I I pose the same question to myself, but what that does is that slows everything down, right? Because typically the person in the situation comes to you and it's super important because it's important to them. Understandably so, right? And they come to you and they're, you know, Steve, I can't deal with this person, I can't deal with this situation, or whatever, whatever it is. And once again, in one way, shape, or form, I would say, like, what role did you have to play? Sometimes I just ask ask it very directly. And they, I remember, you know, sometimes people would get offended by me asking that question because they would automatically get under defensive.

unknown 20:10

Right?

SPEAKER_01 20:10

They would, what are we talking about? What do you mean what role I had to play? Because no, this other person, da-da-da-da-da, right? And it's like, it, I mean, even at the most senior of levels, at the most senior of levels, people will get defensive when you pose that question in one way, shape, or form. Because it it also requires you to take responsibility and accountability for whatever it is that you may have done, right? Even if the person was a hundred percent wrong, right? You know, there there is something that you could have probably done differently, right? And I know that that sounds like we're absolving people of the responsibility for creating the problem when you try to say what role that you have to play in it. What I feel that that question does is exactly what I said earlier. It slows everything down, it makes everybody pause for a second. And then if you realize that you had some measure of role to play, then okay, great, now we can move things forward.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

So when you are looking at this, the second question that I have about what problem are you specifically solving?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

It may not be the actual problem.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

It may be how are you what structure do you lean to in order to solve problems, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Because I think that there is a way that most leaders develop and grow and how they actually solve problems. It's an important thing for you to know as a leader, what problem do you solve?

SPEAKER_00 22:17

And uh, you know, I'm not gonna answer that that question right now for myself and for you.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

I know you're probably like, well, what what problem do you solve, Steve?

SPEAKER_00 22:31

I'm not gonna answer that question.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

I'm gonna leave that for another episode. Because I I really just want to get some of these thoughts out of my mind. Okay, here's uh here's the third one. Um I had a I had a leader say to me in a uh a a coaching session, and what they said to me, they uh they had moved from one company to um a new company. Um and they're doing it they were doing extremely well, and they they they still are. And they said to me, uh Steve, you know, um, I feel seen. I feel seen.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

And you know, there was a there was probably a you know 10 second like like silence in between when he said that to his next words.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

And it was um it was important for me to be quiet at that point in time. And you know, as a coach, you know, you you have to know when to be quiet and also you you have to know when to give people space in a room with their thoughts to allow them to think it through and then give them the the time to speak. I as a coach I feel it's we do people a disservice with trying to always fill the space, right? And sometimes you just have to be quiet.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

And they were quiet and they And they just proceeded to talk about how they felt.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

And what I what I wanted to talk about with this one, this number three, is about being seen versus this idea of being interpreted. Does that make sense? So as a leader, there is this there's a difference between when people see you, you know, to when people sort of can interpret like your acts, right? You know, what your actions and what you do and how you may interpret the world and how you may move through different decision-making processes and things along that line.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

So this idea around being seen, it's important, first and foremost, for people to feel seen.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Companies, leaders, HR directors, you know, vice presidents of operations, all of you, it's in it's important. One, for you to felt to feel seen. I understand that. But it's also important for you to make sure that you are seeing others. It's important that you are seeing others. How do you how do you see others? So I'm not going to give you I'm going to go off once again the top of my my thought process here. And the reason why is because I actually have an complete episode on this. And uh, but I I felt that I wanted to to bring it up in our conversation because it's an I think it's I think it's important, and even more so now in what in the world in which we're living in. I'm just gonna give you an example of how when I felt seen, and hopefully this makes sense. So I was I was literally only a store manager at the time. And I had a great supervisor. I'm not gonna even talk about companies and all this other stuff, because this this is a great, this is a um it's about the story. And um they they didn't have a multi-unit role for me, so they asked me if I would be a store manager at the time, so I said, fine, I'll I'll take the role. And so this leader knew I had way more skills and ability than the role in which I was currently in. So they were like, okay, well, we need to he didn't say this, but he said, well, you know, I I can almost imagine was that we need to give Steve something else, like, because he's gonna get bored. So what they did was they they asked me to put together, this was years ago. This was years ago. We don't have you don't have to do all of this stuff now. But um he asked me, this is well over twenty plus years ago, um, to put together a weekly summary of of their of the market. And mind you, they had a two billion dollar market at that time. Nowadays it's probably four to five billion, but back then it was even just it was a two billion dollar market. And he asked me to put together sales, tactics, ideas, wins, losses, products, and categories that were doing well. And he left it up to me to create this spreadsheet, and and I would like send to him by the end of the day, um, you know, every uh every Friday. And um, because we wanted the information going into, you know, the next week. And and so I'd sent would send it to him, and I was like, this is not, you know, he's not even looking at this. He's not even looking at this. First first couple of weeks I did it, and I was like, nothing's taking place. Then all of a sudden, uh, I think it was like the third or fourth week, um, I got an email back. It was a Saturday morning email, and I was like, okay, it's, you know, and it's from him, but it's not directed to me. It's directed to his boss and his boss's boss. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? Like, why are you sending this out in my hand? Like, why are you sending this to these people? What are you doing? And I remember they came to store and I was like, and I even asked him, I said, Why are you doing that, man? Why are you they said, listen to me, this is some of the best stuff. This is boots on the ground, ideas, concepts that the numbers don't tell us. And um I said, okay, great. So they proceeded to do this for, gosh, it was, it was, no, it was it was months. And I remember we were up at at corporate for a big, big corporate event, big event, like the in the whole company was there. And I was on the aisle, standing on the aisle seat. Because I was still new to the company, mind you. Honestly, I didn't even I didn't even tell you that. I was still probably eight months into that company. So I was brand new to everybody. I didn't really know anybody. So and then he's telling me and asking me to do this. And he's sending it out. And he's not just sending it to his boss, but he's sending it to his entire market. So I can imagine that people are like, who's this guy? He just got here. All this other stuff. So anyway, so I'm standing on the um on the aisle, and one of the big to-do's senior vice president people are coming and they're walking down the aisle, and I see them, and uh, you know, you know, he's you know how it is. It's kind of like the rock stars, right? The, you know, of the of the companies. And this person, I see them coming, and I just sort of turn away. This person, I could see them out the corner of my eye, makes a beeline directly to me. Directly to me. And I knew their name. I didn't know he knew he knew my name. I said, Hey, how are you doing? I'm I'm Steve Worthy. And he said, I know who you are. And he said, I get I get your report every Friday. I had probably one of the most who he turned out to be one of the most important people, other than the CEO. I had his ear for like 15 minutes. He and I are just talking, and the entire company is just watching this interaction between he and I. And he just stopped there for like 15 minutes talk to me. And we're talking about the report, and we're talking about my experience, we're talking about all these different things. And um shake hands and you walk over and we walk away. You know, I don't I don't, I don't, you know, I'm from New York, so I don't get I don't get the I don't I don't get too excited about like people, you know what I mean? It's just like whatever. I remember like when they walked away, I was like, wow, like this person knows me. And my boss at the time, actually he was my boss's boss, and he looked at me and he just like nodded, and I was just like, okay. And I felt seen. Now that's a very extravagant example of being seen. But what the scene I wanted to talk about is that I was seen initially by my boss for having strengths and capabilities that he knew I possessed that he wanted to push and get out of me, that he knew that if in my current role I would be limited or I wouldn't be able to express myself the way I previously had in different roles. So he created uh a situation and an environment in order for me to be able to stretch my legs and expand my thoughts. He understood that if he didn't do that, I would be I I I I would I would not be able to be the leader that he he wanted and needed me to be. Does that make sense? So for me, being seen was was being able to understand me, and uh, and I'll use this as an example of how I try to help others feel seen, is that I try to look at who they are and understand their current capabilities, but also ask enough questions, have enough approachability and relationship with them to understand where they want to go. And then how do I stretch them and provide opportunities in order for them to move beyond themselves and stretch their legs and grow their leadership, grow their influence, grow their capabilities in a very safe space, right? Because you you don't want to put people in these situations where they're uh they're moving beyond their capabilities and there isn't a safe space or there also isn't the ability for you to pull them back in to say, okay, you're you're moving a little too fast, right? Hopefully that helps you as a leader understand this concept of being seen. I I was seen at one level and was able to blossom, if you will, which allowed me to be seen at higher levels by other people, other circumstances. Once again, that story is probably the most extravagant example of being seen. But you can do this on a day-to-day basis when you walk in your stores, when you're having a conversation, and you are able to say that little something about that person's ability that only you and that other person may know about. Or that little something, you know, that you've been able to develop a rapport with that person and you can unlock that next level in that individual. That person begins to feel seen. They feel that you understand them, they feel that they can do almost anything. That's what it feels like to be seen. Hopefully you've been able to get some information and some new ideas about this. Hopefully you you like this um style. Those of you who are probably looking at this on um on uh on YouTube or whatever, you will see that I I'm just sitting at my at my at my desk, hoodie on, shorts on, and I got like three different cameras, and I've just been they've just been kind of looping around. So anyway, uh I needed to jumpstart, you know, my my podcasting, you know, back again. Um I've been been out of it for a little bit, and uh I've received some messages that they, you know, you know, a lot of you want new um new content and ideas out, so I have more coming, but I needed to shake off the cobwebs. And um I actually like this style. I actually like this style. You know, like I mentioned earlier, we got a lot of great stuff taking place on the campus. You know, the campus is that place I wish I had when I was a a retail leader. I had to cultivate relationships and be very intentional. We've been intentional about the structure, what we put inside of the campus, and uh we would love to have you as a member. There is a link in the description you can go to worthy retail.com slash now, and you can learn about the campus. You can sign up to take the assessment and uh learn a little bit more about yourself and uh learn about everything that we have, we have going on because as a leader, as a retail leader, you are probably you've probably been one of the most understood leaders in the world, the most misunderstood leader in the world. You've been asked to do way more than you signed up for. But I'm talking about leaders at all levels, and a lot of you make it look easy. And God bless you, because you you've you've been putting in the work. You know, our goal is to give you that place to give you time back so that you can, first of all, learn how to see yourself for who you are as a leader, what you offer, what maybe what some of your gaps are, maybe some of the things that you need to fix and move past, and things that you need to address. Our goal and anything that we really do, whether it's our executive coaching, our training, the the premise of the campus is that our goal is to give you as much insight and perspective about yourself, even the things that you don't want to hear. In order for you to put yourself in uncomfortable situations, because it's only through those situations where we can expand ourselves that we truly grow. It's only in those situations where we feel really uncomfortable, where there's no net that we have to learn about who we are, that we have to learn about the people around us. Telling you, it's it's fearful. I understand it, I've been through it, I've been there, I've operated without a net. Telling you, I've been scared, I've been nervous, I've been at the point of like not knowing where to go. I know that feeling. But I also know that there's something on the other side of that. And when you move to the other side of it, that's where there's relief. That is where there's confidence, confidence, influence. That's where pattern recognition approachability grows. And who you are as a leader doesn't just grow on the inside, you grow on the outside, you expand your sphere of influence. That is your goal as a leader. Wants you to expand your sphere of influence. Only when you're gonna be able to do that is to learn more about yourself. So make sure that you um click on that link and uh join us over at the campus because we have some exciting things taking place. And uh, I'm gonna probably do maybe a couple more of these unscripted podcasts, and uh hopefully you are enjoying them. So, thank you as always for listening uh to uh retail leadership with Steve Worthy, and we will talk to you soon. Have a great day. God bless.