Last week, we looked at some pretty unhappy relationships between fathers and sons. So this week, we’re turning to mothers and daughters. Playing the role of both is our friend Queen Victoria! As a daughter, she had a rebellious relationship against her mother, the Duchess of Kent. Becoming Queen meant Victoria was able to shake off her mother’s smothering influence—and she did. As a mother, Victoria had enough children to have all kinds of maternal relationships—good, bad, and in between. For today, we’ll see this range in the relationship to her youngest daughter, Beatrice.

            As the reign of George III drew to a close Edward, Duke of Kent, married Princess Victoire of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld in Germany in 1818. When she became pregnant, the two of them quickly moved from Germany to England in March 1819 so their child would be born in England and considered eligible to inherit the English crown.

            The baby girl was born May 24, 1819. The Duke and Duchess were enamored of their baby daughter. The Duke reportedly boasted that she would be Queen one day. That seemed unlikely, however, as his older brothers were also attempting to provide heirs and any male children he and Victoire had would leapfrog Victoria in the line of succession. 

            The baby’s birth annoyed the Prince Regent, who hated his younger brother. The Prince Regent declared he would name the baby and announce her name at the ceremony—with no concern for the parents’ wishes. He chose the name Alexandrina Victoria, a name that was considered unpopular and decidedly un-British. 

            The Duke of Kent died the next year, leaving behind a devastated and lonely wife and an infant daughter. Within a week, George III died, and the Prince Regent became George IV. Suddenly, baby Princess Victoria was third in line to the throne. Alone and largely isolated, the Duchess became ambitious for her daughter and sought the power and status that she was sure would be hers when her young daughter inherited the crown.

            As she grew, Princess Victoria was willful and determined. She rebelled against all who tried to instill a sense of appropriate behavior. Her mother and her governess, Baroness Lehzen, worked to get her to sit still, practice the piano, and complete her lessons. She often records in her “Conduct Books” that she was “very very very terribly NAUGHTY.” 

            Victoria was also lonely. Her only youthful companion was her half-sister Feodora, who was 12 years older. When Feodora left the household and moved to Germany in 1828 to get married, Victoria was devastated. As time went on, she developed a close relationship with Baroness Lehzen. Lehzen offered a singular kind of devotion that Victoria thrived on. It’s Lehzen who gives us the glorified account of Victoria reading the list of monarchs and realizing how close she was to the throne. According to Lehzen, Victoria declared loudly, “I will be good!” It’s unlikely that a 10-year old would have such a reaction, but Lehzen’s recounting of the event demonstrates her dedication to Victoria and the best she was capable of accomplishing. 

            The Duchess stepped up her efforts to prepare Victoria to be Queen. Unfortunately, this involved creating a large role for Sir John Conroy, a man Victoria hated. Conroy had been the Duke’s equerry and became the Duchess’s closest adviser. He could be charming when he wished, but he was also manipulative. He saw the chance to gain greater power by running the household and establishing for himself a significant role in Victoria’s reign. The royal family didn’t understand why the Duchess gave Conroy such power.

            When King George IV died a few months later, Victoria’s uncle became King William IV. And Victoria became heir to the throne. She was just 11 years old. The King’s advanced age, combined with Victoria’s youth, made it likely that Victoria would require a Regent for the first years of her reign. The Duchess and Conroy assumed they would take that role. Together, they developed the “Kensington System,” which would help them mold a volatile teenager into a Queen of England. According to the system, Victoria was never allowed to be alone. She could not walk up or down a staircase without holding the arm of her mother or another adult. She slept every night in her mother’s room. Her meals were limited to plain food. She must exercise and get plenty of fresh air. She could only meet strangers in the company of her mother or governess or mother. And she would appear in public on tours that were managed by Conroy.

            In some ways, the strict Kensington System, together with the successful efforts to keep Victoria away from her royal relations, worked in her favor. She was not associated with her unpopular predecessors. The public became fascinated by her, partly because she was seen so seldom. But to Victoria, the Kensington system was a nightmare devised by Conroy and her mother to control her. 

            In 1835, Victoria became very ill while traveling. Her mother and Conroy took advantage of Victoria’s illness to try to force her to sign an agreement that would make Conroy her private secretary, giving him control of her money and household. That move would likely have helped make Conroy Regent if Victoria inherited before she turned 18. But Victoria refused to sign. She later wrote that she “resisted in spite of my illness, and their harshness.” She was determined to deny her mother’s drive for power.

            The next year, King William celebrated his birthday with a grand celebration. In front of 100 guests, he publicly declared his wish that his life be spared for nine more months until Victoria turned 18 so she could inherit without needing a Regency. He castigated the Duchess in front of the guests for having evil advisers. The public spectacle made Victoria burst into tears, and the Duchess was furious. But the King got his wish. Victoria turned 18 on May 24, 1837. King William IV died the next month.

            When she became Queen, Victoria moved immediately to shut down her mother’s influence. She ordered her bed moved into her own room. She received the Prime Minister, noting in her diary that she met with him “of COURSE quite ALONE as I shall always do all my Ministers.” She dismissed Conroy from her household. 

            Victoria’s only mention of her mother on the day she became Queen was to say that at the end of the day she “went down and said good-night to Mamma.” Their emotions had spilled out in letters to each other that day. The Duchess wrote to ask Victoria if she could bring Conroy to the Victoria’s proclamation as Queen. She warned that people would question his absence. Victoria would not be swayed, stating that it was Lord Melbourne’s opinion that Conroy should not be there. The Duchess replied with a condescending warning that Victoria should “take care that Melbourne is not King.”

            From that day forward, the Duchess had to wait until Victoria summoned her. The new Queen relished this feeling and the new experience of being alone. The word “alone” appears five time in her journal in just one day. 

            When Victoria moved into Buckingham Palace, the Duchess came along for propriety’s sake. After all, a single Queen must have a female relative handy. In this case, not so handy—the Queen’s rooms were far away from her mother’s. This physical and emotional distance went on for years. When Victoria decided to marry Prince Albert in October 1839, she kept the news from her mother for nearly a month. She asked Albert not to say anything because she feared her mother would cause mischief. 

            In November, Victoria summoned her mother and told her the news. The Duchess knew she had been deliberately kept in the dark. She wrote repeatedly to Victoria asking where she would live after the wedding, but Victoria ignored the letters as a nuisance.

            Victoria and Albert were married February 10, 1840. Very happy in married life, the Queen began to soften toward her mother. Just a few months after her wedding, she visited her mother at her house at Belgrave Square. When she became a mother herself, Victoria seems to have found more affection for her mother. By the time Victoria celebrated her 10th anniversary, she had six children and another on the way. Her mother’s help and support were invaluable to her. The Duchess was a devoted grandmother. 

            When Conroy died in 1854, the Duchess wrote to Victoria that although she grieved his death, she realized he had done great harm and begged her daughter not to dwell on the past. Victoria assured her mother that those days were long gone. Six years later, writing to Leopold about the Duchess’s recent illness, Victoria said, “I hardly myself knew how I loved her, or how my whole existence seems bound up with her, till I saw looming in the distance the fearful possibility of what I will not mention.” 

            When the Duchess died on March 16, 1861, Victoria was devastated. She described it as “the most dreadful day of my life.” She had come to rely on her mother, and the death plunged the Queen into a deep depression. Far from the young girl so eager to get away and strike out on her own, Queen Victoria had developed a strong bond with her mother and was broken-hearted by her loss.

            As a mother, Victoria experienced a similar range of emotions and relationships. She was astonishingly successful in having children. Despite being very short, she gave birth to nine living children over a period of 17 years. For Victoria and all her children to survive the ordeal of childbirth is truly astonishing. 

            Queen Victoria’s youngest child, Beatrice, was especially dear to the Queen. After the devastation of watching Albert draw his final breath, Victoria retrieved four-year old Beatrice from her cot and curled up next to her in bed. In the depths of despair, Victoria was beyond reach to most people, but many report that little Beatrice was somehow able to cheer her. 

            As a single mother, Victoria felt the full weight of her children’s welfare. She greatly missed Vicky, her firstborn, who was married to the German Emperor and King of Prussia. She continued to agonize over the behavior of eldest son and heir Edward, known to the family as “Bertie.” The husband of one of Bertie’s mistresses called the Prince to court. Though the Queen stood by her son and he gave confident testimony in court, he went on with his womanizing. His marriage to Victoria’s choice of wife for him, the elegant Alexandra of Denmark, did little to dampen his self-indulgence.

            Victoria also worried about her middle children. Alfred drank heavily and followed his brother’s examples with mistresses. The Queen had a calm relationship with her daughter Alice, but she criticized daughter Helena for having plain babies and for looking older than she was. Prince Leopold struggled against his confinement from injuries and illness. The younger children were still largely trouble-free. Her only objection to young Arthur was that he parted his hair in the middle. And Beatrice was the most overtly favored.

            The preference for Beatrice came with its own challenges. Victoria wrote of her youngest daughter, “She is the last I have, and I could not live without her.” The Queen was diverted by her grandchildren, but as the number continued to increase so rapidly, they became more a subject of anxiety than joy. Facing the growing demands for public appearances, the despair of children’s and grandchildren’s deaths, Victoria passed through the 1870s and into the 1880s. In 1884, royal family harmony was shaken by an unexpected dispute: the Queen and Beatrice were not on speaking terms.

            Given their former closeness and Victoria’s obvious favoritism, the estrangement was awkward and troubling. Up until this moment, Beatrice had always been obedient to her mother’s wishes. But now Beatrice wanted something for herself: marriage and a family of her own. The Queen had long worked to prevent this kind of disaster from occurring, deluding herself into thinking she could protect her daughter from marriage by never letting the word “wedding” be spoken in her presence! 

            Despite her adoration of her own husband and marriage, Victoria had soured on the institution as a whole. She felt that her wonderful marriage to wonderful Albert was a happy and blessed rarity: on the whole, most marriages were miserable. Her daughters’ experiences seem to prove her point: Vicky was miserable, Louise was married to a man who was thought to be gay and had a series of lovers, Alice had died far away. Helena was the rare daughter to have a happy marriage.

            Victoria’s plans for Beatrice were that her daughter would remain at her side. This was typical of families at the time. Youngest daughters were expected to devote themselves to surviving parents. The Queen expected her previously agreeable daughter to fulfill that duty. But Beatrice had found the one thing she was willing to rebel over: Prince Henry of Battenberg. The princess insisted on her prince; the Queen said no. Months of silence between them ensued.

            The stalemate was broken when Bertie, along with Alice’s widower and his brother, came to plead for the young couple. The Queen agreed but only on the agreement that the couple continue to live with her, never seeking a home of their own. Beatrice and Henry, nicknamed “Liko,” agreed.

            Victoria’s last child was married July 23, 1885 at Osbourne in front of a small crowd. Like her mother, Beatrice wore white lace and orange blossoms. The night before the wedding, Victoria and Beatrice had spent some time crying together. Victoria felt miserable about the wedding and prayed her daughter would be of the few who enjoyed a happy marriage. Eventually, the Queen was won over by the spirited Liko, and Beatrice was relieved to have secured even a bit of independence from her overbearing mother.

            Over the years, Beatrice saw her relationship with Liko cool. Her husband became close to her sister, Louise, who had a series of affairs. Liko and Beatrice suspected she was involved with the Queen’s new secretary, Arthur Bigge. The row within the royal family grew ugly, and Liko asked the Queen’s permission to serve in the mission to Africa. Victoria agreed. But Liko died on route to Ghana in January 1896, before ever even seeing a battle. After just 11 years of marriage, Beatrice was a widow. She would live the rest of her life caring for her mother and then preserving her mother’s legacy.

            Beatrice took on the task of editing and rewriting her mother’s diaries after the Queen’s death. The Queen had kept a journal regularly throughout her life since she was 13 years old. Lehzen and the Duchess had encouraged the young Princess to write regularly. She continued writing until less than two weeks before her death, having filled more than 120 volumes. Some sections were published during her lifetime and with her approval, such as Leaves from the Journal of Our Life in the Highlands, which was published in 1868. But the rest were kept secret.

            Princess Beatrice was named the Queen’s literary executor. The Queen instructed her to remove anything that might upset the royal family. Beatrice devoted years to editing and rewriting the volumes, making her mother appear tamer and more sensible. This has been called the greatest act of historical censorship of the century.

            Biographer Julia Baird describes a letter written by the 86-year old Beatrice in 1943 to her great-nephew King George VI. The King’s father and mother, King George V and Queen Mary, had been opposed to Beatrice’s decision to destroy many of the original volumes. Now Beatrice had received a collection of letters between her parents. She requests George VI’s permission to destroy the letters, which she states have “no historical or biographical value whatever” and which she considers painful. She states that she feels she has “a sacred duty to protect her memory.” 

            Whatever you think of her choice to rewrite history and destroy the problematic bits, Beatrice’s devotion to her mother’s memory is clear. Ultimately, then, through various dramas as a daughter and then as a mother, Queen Victoria is held in high regard. Her reign changed the nature of Britain in more ways than we realize. And she eventually made peace with her mother and her children—a small and important private victory in such a public life.

            Thank you for joining me for this glimpse into the family dramas of Queen Victoria! Now we’ve looked at in-laws and exes, fathers and sons, and mothers and daughters. Our final family feud will be the squabbling siblings in the Tudor nursery!