We're about to go deep into relationships, navigating its winding paths with a panel of diverse voices. From the youthful insights of Trinity, exploring and navigating her way through different types of relationships, to the experienced wisdom of Gloria Stowe, married for 28 years and eager to share lessons she's learned throughout her journey. We also welcome back Lee Lee McCall, highlighting why relationships are the undercurrent to our success and happiness, and the intriguing Vania Dieujuste, who's long been fascinated by the intricate dynamics of relationships.
Get ready to traverse various relationship landscapes as we touch on the current dating scene, trust's role in relationships, and the influence of social media. We're breaking down the unique dynamics of mother-daughter relationships, looking at the shift in traditional dating practices, and stressing the importance of allowing relationships to grow at their own pace. Hold tight as we explore these intricate dynamics through the lens of different age groups and their unique perspectives.
Closing out our episode, we'll delve into the art of self-love and its invaluable role in relationships. We'll also touch on the challenges of long-distance relationships, hearing raw and heartfelt stories from Vania, Gloria, Trinity, and Lee. This episode promises to be an eye-opener, showcasing our resilience, the significance of intentionality in relationships, and the power of solid and meaningful connections to elevate our everyday lives. Join us as we explore and celebrate the beauty and complexity of relationships in all its forms.
Look up, and let's elevate!
We're about to go deep into relationships, navigating its winding paths with a panel of diverse voices. From the youthful insights of Trinity, exploring and navigating her way through different types of relationships, to the experienced wisdom of Gloria Stowe, married for 28 years and eager to share lessons she's learned throughout her journey. We also welcome back Lee Lee McCall, highlighting why relationships are the undercurrent to our success and happiness, and the intriguing Vania Dieujuste, who's long been fascinated by the intricate dynamics of relationships.
Get ready to traverse various relationship landscapes as we touch on the current dating scene, trust's role in relationships, and the influence of social media. We're breaking down the unique dynamics of mother-daughter relationships, looking at the shift in traditional dating practices, and stressing the importance of allowing relationships to grow at their own pace. Hold tight as we explore these intricate dynamics through the lens of different age groups and their unique perspectives.
Closing out our episode, we'll delve into the art of self-love and its invaluable role in relationships. We'll also touch on the challenges of long-distance relationships, hearing raw and heartfelt stories from Vania, Gloria, Trinity, and Lee. This episode promises to be an eye-opener, showcasing our resilience, the significance of intentionality in relationships, and the power of solid and meaningful connections to elevate our everyday lives. Join us as we explore and celebrate the beauty and complexity of relationships in all its forms.
Look up, and let's elevate!
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Cory, and we are on 301, on, take the Elevator 301. And man, this table's quite full, indeed.
Speaker 2:This is the most people that we've ever had at the table. We've had the I forgot the name of the band, but we had the band where they were in a oh, they were a bunch of them, yeah, but it wasn't at the table and it wasn't all cohesive like it is right now.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So today we're going to talk about relationships because we really want to honor them and the place that they've had in our lives. How do we continue to build relationships into the new year? What does this look like? And I think our panel, okay, our panel of four, are quite the experts and they're going to give amazing collective wisdom and individual wisdom and just we're going to talk about relationships.
Speaker 2:They're experts, so I can ask them anything.
Speaker 1:I think so.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm digging deep.
Speaker 1:And I think they can say, like I'm passing it to the left, I'm passing it to the right, done deal, done deal. So, speaking of passing, I'm going to pass to my left, so everyone can introduce themselves. And my question here is what makes you want to be at this table to talk about relationships today? What compels you?
Speaker 3:Hi everyone, my name is Vania Diojuist, so when I saw the flyer for this event, I was immediately drawn to the relationship topic, because I've always been somebody that was intrigued by relationships. Ever since I was younger. I would like go to marriage seminars because I wanted to learn, so I really loved learning about relationship dynamics. So that's how it started and, yeah, so it resonated with me right away.
Speaker 1:I love that. By the way, I call Vania Vonsha Vonsha, and she said I have permissions to use that. That's something you I learned about you, vania, I didn't know you went to marriage seminars when you were younger. Yeah, it's quite intriguing. I can't wait to learn more about that. Yeah, let's meet them all Welcome Vonsha. What are you doing? Just welcome, vonsha.
Speaker 2:Thank you, jen, I'm just in a hurry because I got these questions.
Speaker 4:I know you are.
Speaker 1:We got three more people.
Speaker 2:Hold on All right, all right, hello.
Speaker 5:My name is Trinity. I was interested in the relationship topic because right now I'm kind of going through a lot of different friends that I'm learning like, hey, is this someone I want in my life? And just learning. Different types of people attract different types of people, so I was just interested to speak on it and give my opinion, but then also learn everyone else's and then kind of just gain some knowledge and advice as well that I can bring into my current relationship. So that's what caught my attention, nice.
Speaker 1:Trinity, that's such a strong name I mean for so many reasons Matrix, the Bible. You know it's just a powerful name. We're so glad you're here and do you mind telling us how old you are? I am 21. Beautiful, so we have someone who's 50. Vonsha, you're in your 40s, and then we've got someone in their 20s young 20s. So this is going to be an exciting conversation. I already am feeling the dynamics. So welcome Trinity.
Speaker 5:Thank you, I'm excited, hello everyone.
Speaker 4:So I am Lee Lee McCall and I've had a wonderful opportunity to be blessed with Corey Engins presence by being on the elevator before. Yes, I'm excited to be here today to talk about the topic of relationships, because I feel there are about two to three things in life that are very critical and imperative to who we are, in the essence of who we are and one of those three things being relationships. And the reason is because we are tribal in nature, we need them to be able to succeed and feed and just be able to just love and enjoy life, and so that's one of the reasons why I'm excited to be here today and discuss this wonderful topic. So thank you for having me. I love you.
Speaker 1:She's bringing us back to our purpose and part of why we were made the way we were made. And, yeah, I'm excited. Thank you, lee, we're so excited to have you back. I think you've been on two episodes, so this is your third time, grace, in the elevator, and we're so glad you're here. Three is a charm, that's right 300.
Speaker 6:No yes three, that is right. Three is a charm. That is right. 301. Welcome everybody. My name is Gloria Stowe. I also hear Lady Glow. That's another name that I like to use and I'm excited to be here today because relationships are part of everyone's life. Good, bad and indifferent, and so they excite me. I've been married 28 years, going on 20 months, wow. So I'm always fascinated by relationships, and the start of that is, I think, of my grandparents my grandmother's still living, but they were married almost 65 years.
Speaker 6:And so they are kind of the bedrock in my mind when I think of relationships. So I'm really excited to share this with you all.
Speaker 1:Yes, I can't wait for that. Yes, go ahead, gloria, you're the excited. I think we're excited, yes, but I don't know. I'm sensing something in you that's like let's go, let's do this.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a funny situation to be in, to be at a table where there are this many women, strong women, beautiful women.
Speaker 1:Strong women, beautiful women. How do you want to work this and?
Speaker 2:I don't have any backup, so if I you got me Brent, okay cool. So if I get myself in a corner. Brent's going to get me out of this and I'll have your back to Okay.
Speaker 3:So as I look around the table, are there any questions off?
Speaker 2:limits no.
Speaker 6:Okay.
Speaker 2:So who's married, who's single?
Speaker 1:I'm married. I'm married.
Speaker 2:Almost 10 years.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I'm going to be married Almost 10 years.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm going to be married, burning and bugging me for a long time, because we know we have Trinity, who's in her 20s, and then we have Lee, who's in her 21, 22, right, their twins, the dating scene. Can you guys, as far as relationships, can you describe what the difference is in the dating scene for a 20 year old opposed to a not 20 year old and how that has changed, lee, since you were 21?
Speaker 4:that's a good question to Corey because, well, to be quite frank with you, I think One of the things that that helps people feel more comfortable in the space of dating is being in an environment of trust, right, mm-hmm, and that existed, I think, a little bit more 20 years ago. I think people just felt a little bit more trusting and they're everyday life and that doesn't necessarily exist as much today. Right, we have a lot of catfish and going on. You know, you, can you look at that on MTV and all of that stuff. So you're kind of sometimes afraid To step out of the box and I think, for me, I'm still kind of getting my feet wet as I am recently divorced. It's been a couple of years now, so I'm trying to get back out there. But I've shared this with Jen many a times before.
Speaker 4:I think it's important for me to really date myself. I was in a relationship, honestly, since I was about 19 years old, and On and off, of course, but that is my ex-husband as well as my daughter Trinity's father, and so we're really good friends now. But I never had an opportunity to date Lee. I never had an opportunity to get the chance to know who am I. Who am I in this season of my life and really being able to master that before I dive into the external affairs of Dating, I guess you could say right, so Trinity may have a little bit more expertise, I guess you know. And in regards to the 2023 version of dating, but as far as me, I'm kind of taking it easy.
Speaker 2:Before Trinity jumps in, I just want to. So, to wrap this up, you've experienced a little bit of catfishing, a little bit of game playing, a little bit of hi someone catfished.
Speaker 4:You Not necessarily catfished me, but I've been. I've had friends who've been catfished, okay. So yes, there's some hesitancy.
Speaker 2:I love that show, by the way so I point that out because you know, as you're, as you get older, more mature, these things catch you by surprise, whereas when you're younger, like oh, that's just something that happens. And so I want Trinity to kind of address. You know her version of this.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I feel like on the show catfish, mm-hmm, it's always like the typical, like the looks thing. But I actually feel like now, a lot of times the catfish is it could be even someone that you met in person, like I know what you look like, but then I feel like it'll be like a catfish in like personality or how they act, or like. In the beginning it's like, oh well, you were this way and everything was perfect. And then two months later You're crazy.
Speaker 5:So I feel like now it's like becoming different versions of catfish, not like just the typical, like looks things, just more deeper now and I feel like the version of cat fishing, with something as deep as like a personality trait or Just something big that you may have been hiding, then now the relationship is deeper in and now it comes out. I think that's a little worse than the physical thing because it could be scary, so but I would say, um, it is pretty common now, especially with social media and stuff, to come across like catfish things or even harder to just get to know someone because of social media and all these like standards that you try to live up to, where you see couples buying each other like Brand new Mercedes and then you're looking at your boyfriend like where's my Mercedes?
Speaker 5:It's just like a lot of um, hard things to live up to. Now I feel like not as pure, I would say.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that. I like that word not as pure. Okay, so I got a moment questions in and then I'll turn it all over to you.
Speaker 1:Okay and I'm wondering where you're going because I'm gonna go back to you Trinity. I'm really curious about some of the things you said absolutely, don't forget.
Speaker 2:Um, so we have two married ladies at the table as well, right? And so my question are you happily married?
Speaker 1:Yes, and their husbands aren't here and they probably don't listen to this podcast, so I'm gonna say they're telling the truth.
Speaker 2:So my question for you two is this we know that being married and staying married is very Difficult and we know and I say that Openly because you know if you've been married for any amount of time you know it takes a lot of work and no one is doing this with the little, with little effort. Everyone is putting in everything they have Um outside of love. What makes you stay and what keeps you happy Outside of love?
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'll go so. For me, it started with really making a good choice from the beginning. I'm just I'm just gonna speak from my experience so.
Speaker 3:What, like I really knew what I wanted in a person and I knew what I was able to offer and what I what I was not able to offer in a relationship. So it's like having that clarity from the beginning. And so I met. I met my husband online on a dating site on a Christian dating site and when I read his profile, like it really, really spoke to me, because it's like he was describing me, so all the things that he wanted and communication as the number one thing I was like yes, this is so important, like I want to be able to communicate with somebody at a At a high level, and that was a non-negotiable for me, because I feel like when you do have that as a foundation, then you can go through other things. So the fact that he had that and then when we started talking, I was like whoa, I was so impressed. It did give me that confidence that we were able to like yeah, like go through things together and really figure it out, no matter how hard it becomes right.
Speaker 3:Another thing is having our faith as a foundation. So we do share those important values and that meant everything to me, because when you are on the same page With your priorities, even though you may not execute them the same way, but at least you have them. It's it's like a game changer, because I've dated other people in the past where those things were not present the way I needed it and and yeah. So as we got married and we continued to get to know each other better, that communication piece always remained the main thing.
Speaker 3:With communication I mean being vulnerable, like sharing everything that you need to share, trusting each other. So there's so many pieces to that like communication sounds a little broad, but there's so many things that I can put under that. And the most important thing is that I feel like I can be completely myself with him and he can be completely himself with me. So it's not about perfection, but it's about being each other's match, like really being that one person that gets you, no matter what, and yeah. So those are some things that comes to mind, nice.
Speaker 6:I was sitting here listening to you, avanya, and remembering when I met my husband which I actually met my husband when I was 14, but we did not date. He was dating someone else and so was I, and then we had the chance to meet again and. I always think about that. When we did connect, it was almost as if, and he'll tell you too.
Speaker 6:He never left Like I had was actually planning to go to New York. I had a boyfriend in the Air Force and he kind of would you call it catfished me Because he just left, but he was supposed he ghosted, he was supposed to do that and but I had this desire and I always thought, okay, I'm going to go to New York, I'm going to have a flat in the city, somewhere by the park with brick. I had it all visioned out right. And then I ran into my husband again and we just connected and what I thought about him and the connection we had was safety, and in our relationship that is a very strong value that we have with one another and that he, we have always prioritized each other and the communication pieces.
Speaker 6:I was listening to you, it's, it's in a different fashion for me, but I think, wow, 28 years is a very long time, but the safety of knowing I can count on him and that love is there. Regardless, if we have a disagreement, the safety will always come out no matter what, and so I really value safety and trust in that.
Speaker 6:And so when I think about 28 years, the moments where I can say honestly I have not fallen out of love with him ever- We've had our highs and lows but the safety, I think, has probably been my glue.
Speaker 1:That is something, gloria, that Corey and I we've talked to a lot of married couples, and it's interesting because we always hear about trust and safety in our line of work, right with team building, and in organizations and in friendships, and to know that safety is still the strongest value and something that you will not to so dearly in your marriage after 28 years really lets you know how important that element is in a relationship, because, at the end of the day, we go through so much in life and you've got your partner, and so you're counting on that to be the safe space. You're counting on that to be your place of refuge at times, and if you don't have that at home, can you imagine what that's like, right? So I'm really grateful and thankful to hear that two of my friends are in such wonderful relationships and that two of my other friends one's honoring herself and getting to know her and waiting for the right time. I think that's everything to you. And so, trinidad, I'm looking right back at you because I really want to tap into something I told Trinidad man, I'm so excited that she's at this table because, for those who are older, I'm telling you right now you miss out on a learning and growing experience when you skip over younger generations, and so I just want to say that it is my golden life to stay relevant to all. I don't want to be like, oh, she old, she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Speaker 1:So, trinidad, I remember my dating years and it was really. I thought it was easy to meet people. I mean, you go to roller rink, you go to club. As you got older, shoot, you can meet people at church, ditch church and ask for forgiveness later because you met somebody. School, you know conferences tell me what it's like at 21. Where are young people meeting each other?
Speaker 5:I still feel like it's kind of like that. So, for example, a recent guy I was talking to, we met at a lounge through mutual friends. So I feel like it's possible, but I still feel like mostly social media I'm not really well. I was going to say I'm not a social media person. Yes, I am, but not as well, not now for relationships, because even with female friends sometimes or homeboys that I've met through social media, I don't know. I just feel like sometimes it goes left and can kind of get a little bit messy, but I do feel like it is still possible and common to meet a lot of people at a lot of social settings.
Speaker 5:Now, sometimes for me I do feel like things are just moving so fast though, when you are like at a party or, like you saw, like a roller skating, that you don't even end up continuing like keeping up with each other. So that's like the only thing. Or maybe it's just me. I do that really bad. I was like meet somebody and then like, oh, what's your number? And then I don't be, I don't reply, so that's just me.
Speaker 5:But sometimes there's a lot of ghosting going on in this table, yeah there's always a reason, right, exactly, but I would say a lot of it is, I don't know, kind of just both in person and social media. So that hasn't changed, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to say a statement and I want to know if you think it's true or false, because I'm very intrigued. We have two um, our youngest two are a little older than you and what I'm experiencing is they're not in a hurry to be with somebody or to move on in life. Like when I was younger, it was like I need to move out, I need to get my own place. I can't wait to be in a relationship. I used to dream about a wedding. What that looked like is that the same for your generation.
Speaker 1:Honestly now I kind of feel 50, 50 only because I have, which is a great number, by the way 50.
Speaker 5:For me, I I'm more like you in a way. I am, I'm just a lover girl Like I love love, whether it's like your love with your grandmother your friend.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 5:Um, a spouse, I just love it. But I also am a person, because I do have friends where at a young age they've gotten really serious with a person super quick, um, which shout out to them. But then I also then again feel like sometimes when you are so young, you do need that time to learn yourself and learn who you are. Um, so for me, even with dating like yeah, we can date, we can go here and there, um, and I do think dating for marriage is a good goal, but I'm also at 21, I'm not also thinking like so what is our?
Speaker 4:wedding going to be like Like when are you going to propose?
Speaker 5:I'm not like thinking that far, you know, but um, I do have a lot of friends that you said are like your kids, where they're kind of like not like super interested in not interested at all.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I'm just like they don't care. But I feel like I can kind of go back to what I said in the beginning, with it sometimes not being as pure nowadays. So they may look at their parents and be like, well, their love is so strong, it's hard to find. Now, um with. Again, I feel like social media, I'm like dragging social media right now. It's a real thing. It just really does put those stereotypes on relationships which I think can scare a lot of people into feeling like, um, well, I don't have this, so I can't get in a relationship.
Speaker 5:When it's really like it's just about the love and the person that you find and the person that you meet. Or again, same for friendships. They feel like, well, this friend has a penthouse. I don't. We can't be friends when it's like everybody moves at different levels, or even, how you said, with rushing to like move out and do this and do that. Me and my mom I was gonna say mommy, but I don't wanna. Aw, we had that talk like a few days ago about everybody moving in a different speed. I guess Cause for me I am still at home and try to like focus on my business and the goals that I have and the bills that I do pay.
Speaker 4:And a lot of.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear that.
Speaker 5:Versus a lot of my friends majority of them are already out in their own apartment and stuff and I used to feel like, oh my gosh, mom, like that's not me yet. And she just kind of reassured me like hey, everybody's at their own speed.
Speaker 5:Like your friendship with them is still strong. That doesn't mean that what God is doing for them is what he's doing for them, and then what he's gonna do for you is what he's gonna do for you. So I think maybe that's why, too, with your kids, they're like hey, I'm doing my own path right now.
Speaker 1:And then when the love comes, I'll be ready sometimes. Thank you for that wisdom and just that perspective. Everyone's got their own pace and they're gonna learn and grow when it's their season, thank, you, trinity, so I can't tell my kids their pace is my pace.
Speaker 2:Okay, so everyone here at the table is either a mom or a daughter, true, and so, being either a mother or a daughter, I just want and even, eugene, I'd like to know the dynamic between a mother and a daughter when things are good and the dynamic between a mother and a daughter when things are not so good, and you can even go into bad. I just want to have that point of view.
Speaker 1:Who's gonna be the brave one and go. I think, as a mom and a daughter, that relationship is very different for everybody. My relationship with my mom very different than my relationship with my daughter. I think what happened there is I just learned what I was gonna do as a mom and what I was not gonna do as a mom. Same thing episode.
Speaker 1:Before this, we talked about life lessons and you just gotta get out of your head number one about being perfect no such thing. Like you, figure things out as you go and sometimes there is hurt and harm with one another and hopefully there's a place of forgiveness and healing and taking the time to do that and talking about what does this look like now that we're back in each other's lives and you have to redefine, you have to set boundaries, even in a mother-daughter relationship. Right, I love my mom, I adore my mom. Ask me if you'd asked me 30 years ago. 20 years ago, that would not have been my answer. It was a different relationship and it was a very strange time. Right, she's single mom. I'm the oldest, I'm trying to find my voice and figure things out and just figure out life. And so when, my friend Gloria, we talk about relationships with our kids and I can totally sympathize because I've been there, done that, and so I sometimes want Gloria to see me as like maybe there's hope for my kids, because I really relate to Gloria's kids and I think Makayla is more like her right, which is so interesting.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and I think, as a woman and as a mom, when that time comes or if it doesn't come either way, that relationship, the relationship that I have with Kayla, is irreplaceable. It's special. She was supposed to be here today and life happens and I gotta remember she's almost 30 and she's living her own life and so you just kind of say, okay, she's doing it and she's doing it well and there's no love lost. In fact, I think our love's gotten stronger since she's moved out and gotten married. I'm so super proud of her and I don't mean to take up this whole episode. It's just being a mom and a daughter. Our relationship is an identity that I hold very close to my heart. It's one of my most important identities is being a mom and daughter. I think it's one of the most special. It's definitely a calling, it's definitely something you have to intentionally be and do every day, and the same thing in marriage just being committed to that love and understanding that we will fall short. But our commitment is to one another.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I don't know, I just no, you're good, you're good, okay, so I should have probably gave a precursor. You don't have to answer both, you can answer one.
Speaker 1:No, I thought I was role modeling and saying don't worry, girls, I'll lead by example on both of them.
Speaker 6:What was the second question?
Speaker 2:So you can either answer from the point of view of being a daughter or the point of view of being a mother, and then that way everyone has a he's making it clear pick one. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do not take as much time as Jen did.
Speaker 6:I'll be short, I like to think, as being a mom today, knowing the lessons, I've learned from my mom. I can, I say bravely, look back and see the things that she taught me and the things that she couldn't teach me and still be honoring in that but know that this is my mom.
Speaker 5:And then the grandmother.
Speaker 6:I also have from her. So as I look through the line, it's very powerful and there was a saying or a study or something that says your grandmother carries your eggs and so when, I look. I love the look back because my grandmother had me too, and so to me is very beautiful.
Speaker 2:And then you know, this generation in Trinity you don't have to answer this, but a lot of young people say, oh, we're not having any children?
Speaker 6:Oh my gosh, yes. And so I think about well, whose eggs am I holding? Or whose eggs did I hold? Whose eggs did my mother hold? Whose eggs did my grandmother hold me? So I kind of do that type of reflection, and it's from your mom's side, obviously. But I thought that was kind of neat to know that it's continuing on with motherhood.
Speaker 6:And it is truly a gift, Even when there is tough times knowing that a mother's love no matter how it's expressed is so deep that you couldn't even find it in Marion's trench, if you know where that is in the Pacific, because it's very deep, because deep.
Speaker 1:Gloria, I've never heard anyone say the grandmother's eggs thing, so I'm gonna speak right now to my cousins, who are, like, my closest friends in the whole wide world, and they better be listening. Is that? It's no wonder me and my cousins are just like our grandmother, like it skipped a generation, because our moms are very prim and proper, whereas we're a little bit more on the wild side, and so was our grandmother. Yeah, there you go. Thank you, grandma, thank you.
Speaker 5:I guess I'll speak from a daughter point of view.
Speaker 6:Well, clearly we're all daughters, oh daughters, this is my mom sitting right here.
Speaker 5:I feel like my relationship with my mother is really, really strong. Honestly, I feel like it always has been. We've always been pretty close since I was little. I've always felt comfortable to come to her about everything. It could be about my hair, it could be about boys, it could be about something I was struggling in. She's always been that open arms for me, even in times where I was scared, like, oh my gosh, should I tell my mom this? I just have to Like she's like my best friend. And it's to the point where, even like my friends know like something can literally happen and I'll be out with my friends. Oh my gosh, like my best friend, she'll look at me and she'll be like you're gonna call your mom.
Speaker 5:huh, I'm like girl, it's already dialed, I'm calling her now.
Speaker 5:And it's to a point where even my mom sometimes she's like, trin, tell me about this when you get home, but she's like, she's my safe place, and so I run to her for any and everything, and I feel like we do have a relationship where it's vice versa. Sometimes, as the daughter, you can be that safe space for your mother too, and I like for her to feel comfortable to come to me about work, about anything, just so that she can know like, hey, I'm here for you too, and I think she has raised me to be wise enough and I'm still learning a lot but to be able to give still that advice to some things for her that I may have not even experienced yet. But I think we learn together, we learn through each other, and I think I agree with you, gloria, that your relationship with your mother.
Speaker 5:It is one of, like the most important relationships, I think someone can have, because it develops who you are a lot.
Speaker 1:So true.
Speaker 2:So I'm gonna skip Lee right now and go to Vanya, because I happened to have an opportunity to meet Vanya's mom and what a lovely, wonderful person and I hope you're about to tell us something about that relationship. So, if you can just give us something good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I have a really, really strong relationship with my mom. Like, I got a bit emotional when Trentie was talking, I'll tell you why in a little bit. So yeah, I have a really strong relationship with my mom. Right now it's long distance because she lives in Curacao, so we face time all the time.
Speaker 2:Where is Curacao?
Speaker 3:So Curacao is in the Caribbean, okay, and it's an island that belongs to the Netherlands still, so we're still part of the Dutch kingdom. That's the accent correct. Yes, okay, so Curacao is very close to Venezuela. So it's like close to, yeah, venezuela if you look up. Yeah, so we do have a really strong relationship.
Speaker 3:When I think of my mom, I think of comfort and just always being there, and I don't know how she does it, but she's always available. Like even when she would work, when she was still working, we would always call her and she always picks up. She always picks up and I'm like how do you do that? It's almost like she's not working. Like how do you manage to do all of that? So, yeah, so when I think of her, I get these feelings, and I remember when I was still living at home, when she would come home, it was always so much excitement to go open the door and then run to her and hug her, like those are like really nice memories that I have. Like right now I see her more as a friend, so we talk a lot, and the reason why I got a little bit emotional because Drenthi was saying like it's not only what she means to you, right, like what your mom means to you, but it's always like what you can offer her.
Speaker 3:And it just reminds me of how my mom lost her brother two months ago and, yeah, so it's like me being that comfort for her.
Speaker 3:So, so it was really hard because she is somebody who, who has always been there also for her brothers and and she was the more responsible ones and her younger brothers were like Getting in trouble, especially when it comes to drinking, so they would drink alcohol and then getting trouble with stuff like that, and she would always come through for them and be there for them.
Speaker 3:So about eight years ago, she lost one of her brothers and then two months ago less than two months ago, I think, six weeks ago she she lost her other brother that was, I Believe he was 60. Yeah, so I Felt like, even though I wasn't there physically, but I feel really honored that I was able to be there for her emotionally and I really showed up for her every day emotionally and I feel grateful that I'm able to do that for her. So, so, yeah, so I really. So that's why that resonated with me when Trinity said that it's like that mutual relationship that you can have with each other, especially as adults. So yeah, so that's my story, that's what a beautiful story, vanya.
Speaker 1:Thank you for being so open and sharing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had the pleasure of meeting your mom, and she is such a special in your whole family, hey thank you, the love is strong and the connection and the relationships, and I Love the open affection very, very apparent with your family. And I know we're gonna go to Lee Lee. I know your pie have an answer in mind, but I wanted to tack on a question, because we've got you and Trinity here and so I think a question that's gonna help a lot of our listeners is this is just if you can talk about what changes occur in the parent-child relationship as your children get older and Any advice on how you can thrive through those transitions.
Speaker 4:That's an amazing question, jen, because I think, for one, as life brings about different seasons, it's important that you understand that that's the exact same thing that will occur in your levels of relationship, whether it's marriage, whether it's parenting, whether it's work, and understanding that, first of all, understanding what season you're in, I think is extremely important, and so I heard this saying that said, every ten years you become new and you become renewed, and so every decade there's a portion of us that kind of sheds the old skin and brings upon new wine skin. And we can see that as we go through the dynamics of life, right from age infancy to 10, there's one aspect of who we are, and then, from 10 to 20, there's a whole nother aspect of who we are, whether it's high school or youth or adolescents. And then from 20 to 30, you're going through your 20s right, it's, it's a different thing. And then, of course, 30s it's like the best, because you got the money, the credit and all that, but, and and we see that through each decade of life. And so I think, going to your second question, how do you kind of endure through the thriving of parenting?
Speaker 4:And it's one understanding your season, understanding your children's season and then also adjusting accordingly and Meet them where they are, acknowledge the fact that God has instilled certain gifts in them that maybe they have not necessarily morphed into yet and manifested yet and have the grace to understand that. But also get on their head if they taken a little too long, because we ain't got all day, but Just understanding that For one it's okay to kind of transition into that, to that ebb and flow of parenting and friendship, and it takes time to get there. But I'm very grateful and honored that we do have the relationship that we do have. I think thriving is something that is perceived per the moment you're in. And I say that because there are gonna be some valleys that you're gonna have to endure and it's not gonna feel like you're thriving at all, similar to your experience, jen, right in those moments with your mom.
Speaker 4:It you probably was in that deep valley season, but at some point you hit. You hit a stage where you begin to evolve outside of that ocean and keep your head above water per se, and then you can see the thriving of the relationship thereafter. So yeah, that's my two cents. Right. Seasons, ebb and flow and then adjusting accordingly, that's the key.
Speaker 1:Well, said so much, it's worth way more than two cents. But, leah's, you were talking and you had said earlier on in this session that You're focusing on you and dating yourself. I think that's also relevant. In any relationship, even as moms and daughters, there's a time where it comes out messed up because you're still trying to find who you are. So to be a giver in healthy relationship is something that you might I needed a pause on. I wasn't in the mindset, I didn't have the heart to participate and contribute to healthy relationship, and I don't, and my mom wasn't either, because we needed help individually and then together. You know what I mean, and so I think it's really important.
Speaker 1:As we're talking about relationships, the most important relationship I'm hearing is that it's the one with self. Same thing with Vanya and meeting her husband. She was ready for it, she knew who she was, she knew what she wanted and there were what she called non-negotiables. Same thing with Gloria right and Trinity. I hear a lot of self-love and the relationship that you have with yourself and how important that is. So this has been a rich, rich episode, so much more. I feel like we got deep, which is amazing because, ladies, it's been 40 minutes and I know you all and I know we're talkers and so it's interesting to-.
Speaker 2:And that's what I'm for.
Speaker 1:Yes you did that very well. Thank you, Gloria. Is there anything that you are just dying to ask this group of women?
Speaker 2:Actually, I'm looking forward to maybe having another conversation on another episode, but I can wait for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because other things came up for me too that I wrote down here long distance relationships. Vanya is an expert in that. She didn't talk about that with her husband, jeremiah, and she mentioned her long distance relationship that she has with her mom and her other family. And Gloria, you've got daughters. Those are long distance relationships. You have your grandmother, your wonderful, beautiful grandmothers in Germany.
Speaker 1:So how do we maintain connection? So it's maintaining connection and I love it, because someone told me that and someone who's traveled a lot, who's mentioned you know, sometimes Americans, we have some barriers with connecting, and I really want to explore what connection really about, and going outside of just what we have in common, because I think that's a false sense of connection. That you can connect with the most beautiful people who are diverse, different from you, and those sometimes are the most wonderful friendships. You barely have anything in common. You're thinking what the heck? But I find that the friends that I have in my life that have been based on differences have been pretty amazing. So are we asking this group of women to come back? Absolutely? Well then, we're going to have to feed more people, right, because we love to feed people. We'll do this again. Yeah, yeah, ladies, is there anything you wanted to-? I want to make sure you have the space to get out of you what you want to share that maybe you didn't get to share today. No, okay, cory, no, seriously, anything.
Speaker 2:Are we doing are we coming back?
Speaker 1:one more time. We're going to do another episode on table topics.
Speaker 3:Okay, I mean they're so you're asking if there is anything. I mean, there are a lot of things, but we don't have time, so I guess it has to be another episode, Okay.
Speaker 1:So not I mean, I'm saying, you can have one thing, you want one thing, Nothing One thing.
Speaker 3:I don't know, maybe one of the things that you mentioned on the list.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:Maybe how to maintain long-distance connection, because Gloria has that in common too. Yeah, so did you have a specific question, or you just-.
Speaker 1:No, I want to say, let's do another episode on connection and long-distance relationships.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's what I thought.
Speaker 6:All right, I'll give you a sneak peek. It starts with intention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything's got to start with intention, absolutely Intention. Let's not, because that's a whole other topic. I just got excited over the thought of intention. All right, thank you, ladies, so much for being here. I'd love to see you back, right, corey? Absolutely You're coming back, but anyhow, this has been a blast, an amazing insight and wisdom to how we handle relationships, what's important.
Speaker 1:I hope you all have gotten something from this. I know that you have, and I can't wait to hear all about it. As with anything, you can email me at JenTheBilder at gmail, or you can send me a DM on Instagram. I'd love to hear from you and what spoke to you and what you got out of this and what questions you might have for the next episode with these four lovely, strong, beautiful, wise, intellectual, talented. You want to help me out on some adjectives your Gory, fabulous, quick, timely. Yes, I got you All right, everyone. Well, you know us to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate. What, lou? Every day, good job, Every day, every day, every day, every day, Every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day, every day.