306th Floor: Reflecting on Growth, Health, and Self-Advocacy

What happens when two diverse minds, GentheBuilder and Kory, come together to share their personal experiences of growth and self-discovery? You get a podcast episode that's a treasure trove of wisdom and inspiration sprinkled with light-hearted humor. Strap yourself in as we brave the road less traveled, stepping out of our comfort zones to explore the depths of our minds and bodies. 

Our childhood experiences significantly shape our personality and shape our perspective toward health and well-being. We don't just talk about it; we take you on a trip down memory lane, examining how our upbringing led us to adopt distinct coping mechanisms. From Gen's enlightening revelations about her relationship with her body, to Kory's wellness check experiences, we share how we learned to set boundaries and advocate for our health.

However, we don't shy away from acknowledging that sometimes, we need a little help. It's important to be open, to ask for it, and to be receptive to it. Our journey is a testament to this. We've been ahead of our time, and we've been left behind, but we've always learned, grown, and moved on. We invite you to do the same. Remember, there's no shame in seeking guidance. 

Look up, and let's elevate. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:15

Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Cory, and welcome to Take the Elevator middle of the week. How is everyone doing?

Speaker 2: 0:24

I hope they're doing like I'm doing. I am a fan, taboo tabulous.

Speaker 1: 0:29

I'm so glad to hear that.

Speaker 2: 0:30

What's making you so fan taboo tabulous Well it's just this vibe and feeling in the air, you know, and I know it's getting around holiday time or getting closer to holiday time, so a lot of people are in a good mood and trying to spread the cheer, so to speak. But you know, for me it's just I'm really connecting with a lot of different people and I'm broadening my circle of friends and individuals that I'm working with and I'm finding myself doing things that I've never done before. So it's pushing me to grow, it's stretching me out and making me real uncomfortable and I kind of like that feeling, you know it's a good feeling.

Speaker 2: 1:15

It's a great feeling, it is.

Speaker 1: 1:17

Some people aren't comfortable with being uncomfortable, but when you're used to putting yourself there for the sake of growing, it becomes like, okay, it's empowering. It really is. So I do see the changing you, corey Like. Your communication type has never been socializer and, my goodness, have you become quite the socializer.

Speaker 1: 1:39

We go into stores, we meet new people and you ask questions and you're just really curious about them, what they do, who they are, and it's just cool to see. I really feel right now like in our lives I've been given the front row seats to you. You know, I just remember back in the day when that role was flipped and it is just, it is surreal to know that all of these things are opening up for you. And when I say opening up, I mean one thing after another, after another, and it's like this is that moment for Corey.

Speaker 1: 2:20

So I know last episode we talked about your book and everyone we're not. This is not a part two of Corey's projects, but because that would actually take a lot of parts, we are going to speak on some things just regarding what you're leaving behind this year, what you're taking with you and some things that we discovered about ourselves, and I don't know if you all will resonate with this, but hopefully it'll shed some light to maybe some things that you're like. Hi, I wonder why I do this, or I wonder why I don't do this Right. So I've been reading this book, Corey, by Gabor Monti, called when the Body Says no, and it's the cost of hidden stress. So we all know about relieving stress and how stress is not something that you want to have as part of your life day in, day out. We also know that it's a part of life, funny enough, oddly enough. So the stress that we're talking about is the chronic kind of stress.

Speaker 2: 3:27

The bad stress.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Yeah, I believe that acute stress is healthy. It's needed. You know, it's that fight or flight, it's I'm, it's, I'm experiencing this. What do I do with it? Right, yeah, it means we're alive, it means we're not numb to the events of our lives. Well, one day you and I were walking Corey, and we were talking about our physical health and just some changes we wanted to make, and I even forgot what it was in particular that we were talking about, and I had said I'm going to try this, whatever this was. And you immediately came behind me and said well, this is what I do when this happens. And you had shared it with me because you thought maybe it would work for me and an epiphany hit me, and it could very well be because of this book as well.

Speaker 1: 4:17

You and I grew up very differently. Whereas you were very much a person who listens to your body, I very much was not, and I'm just starting to now listen to my body. So when I was younger, you know, like, really think about it. It's not hard to imagine you have a home where you have a single mom, and so what happens in this during these times is you have a mom. Sometimes we have parents who are threatened by the anxiety, anger or sadness that they sense in their child. Right, that could be a possibility. Or they're just simply too busy sometimes to pay attention. Or you've got to prioritize and kind of do this triage on what you're focusing on. Are you focusing on work so you can feed your children, keep the roof over their heads and then, if nothing is too urgent, you can choose to maybe not really focus on those things? Right, am I making sense? Yeah, absolutely so.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Growing up, when we got sick let's say a little cold we didn't bother my mom with that because we knew the busyness of our lives. So we did a lot of. It's just a cold, it'll go away. Or, if it was something more, this cough will naturally go away. You know that kind of way. We didn't have time to go to the doctor. She had three kids, four kids, because my cousin lived with us so to take us to a doctor's appointment if it wasn't a wellness check, we were doing home remedies for these type of things. So I just learned to suppress that, especially being the oldest. Whereas you, how was it like in your family when you weren't feeling well?

Speaker 2: 6:18

So there was wellness checks in the home on a regular basis. How are you feeling today? I'm good. No, how are you feeling Like? Are you warm? Is your throat hurt? Are you? Why are you coughing? If your parent sees you wiggling your head and you're touching your ear, what's going on with your ear? I don't know. Does it hurt? Yeah, and we were immediately taken to the hospital, and then we just learned that if there was something wrong, that there needed something to be done almost immediately and don't wait until it's so chronic or it's so bad that it's like I don't know what to do. I mean so much pain, I don't know. No, you never waited to that moment. That was the way of life for us, and so I learned at a very early age, if something's wrong, to tend to it, to deal with it, to see what it's about. And if I couldn't figure it out within the first hour or so, I need to say something so that mom and dad could get me the help I needed.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Yeah, my mind can't even grasp that. Two very extremes right.

Speaker 1: 7:34

So, for those listening, I don't know where you've fallen, that, or if there's a middle ground there somewhere. I'm sure there is. But you can see the difference between Corey and I and it makes so much sense as to who we are today and why I'm on medication and Corey's not, or why I will procrastinate and Corey instantly will be like drop everything. Here's what I'm feeling and I have to tell you, corey, in the beginning I was like man, that's pretty selfish, like you know. Can't you tough this one out? It's a freaking runny nose, right, right, right.

Speaker 2: 8:10

I'm exaggerating a little bit. No, I know, I know.

Speaker 1: 8:12

But you know what I mean. And so when we were walking and stuff, and I just told you, corey, like I don't know what it's like to pay attention to my body, and I remember reading in this book when you have chronic stress, your capacity to even speak on emotional connection almost goes away because you're not talking about how you're feeling and your body and your mind and your heart, those are all connected. When one's not functioning, the other one's impacted when one's doing well. You know, that's that grounded, that's that well-roundedness, that's holistic health, right. And so I just remember talking about that. I said wow, wow, it's sad that I don't have that experience of my body feels this way. Let me pause or stop whatever's going on, because it's trying to tell me something.

Speaker 1: 9:16

I literally had to see a coach. I literally had to get worksheets to incorporate in my life daily to understand. Here's an event, here's now what I'm feeling, here's what my body is saying now and these are my urges on how to behave. You know what I mean. I mean it's a step-by-step process. Whereas you learn this, I mean for your parents to ask you in detail, give me your signs and symptoms. Pretty much, yeah, you know like wow, so you and I being married, that can be a cause I don't wanna say conflict, but definitely misunderstanding.

Speaker 2: 10:02

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 10:04

And then there are times when it feels I'm a little ashamed of what is supposed to be so natural is not for me. You know what I'm saying. And then so we had that whole thing with emotional connection and being able to talk about things. Instead, I was just wanting to figure it out quickly, like let's get to a solution, and really what it was was just a band aid right. And you wanted to talk about root cause. And let's get into it. What's causing?

Speaker 2: 10:38

this what did you eat last night? When did the pain start? I just wanna you know. That was the thing that I learned from my parents, and then when we went into the doctors, mom was not gonna just say do whatever you want, she wanted. Mom was in the medical field as well, so she wanted to know.

Speaker 2: 10:58

So how do we treat this? What's the cause of this? Where did this start? And then the doctor began to give these explanations and, to his disbelief, she understood. So she would repeat what he would say, and a lot of times doctors are looking especially back in that time at her, as if to say, oh, you understand what I'm saying, and she's like no, I understand. I'm in the medical field as well, and so it prompted me to learn about things and to know what the medical professionals were talking about when I'm in there seeing them, you know.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Yeah, now I will say that you are a very special person because when I look at your family and its entirety, they're not all like you. I think you took seriously the lessons being taught. You paid attention to what the doctor said, what your mom was saying Sure, I did. You answered those questions. Because you're like mom, I need you to help me figure this out.

Speaker 2: 11:58

Absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:59

And so I'm really learning that from you, and I wanna read just an excerpt from this book and see how it speaks to everyone. And I am quoting him so this isn't paraphrased. And again, this is Gabor Mati, from when the body says no, he says that the way people grew up it shapes their relationship with their own bodies and psyche. The emotional context of childhood interacts with inborn temperament to give rise to personality traits. Much of what we call personalities actually not a set of traits, only coping mechanisms a person acquired in childhood. There's an important distinction between an inherent characteristic rooted in an individual without regard to his environment, and a response to the environment, a pattern of behaviors developed to ensure survival. So what he's basically saying is Jen's more carefree. That's just her personality type. Corey's pretty retentive about his care, like he's disciplined. His personality type is type A. Let's say right, what we fail to realize, it's how we've coped.

Speaker 1: 13:17

And so here's bottom line for me I am removing and I'm not taking with me into next year these blurry boundaries I've created because I wasn't sure, or just these feelings of uncertainty because I'm not able to use my voice with certain things, or I don't know how. It's not because I'm not able. It's just, it's different for me. So, into 2024, I really want clarity, I really want to pay attention to what my body's telling me and, yeah, I just want to experience health at another level, right, and now I've been, by going to the doctors. It's something that I know I need to do. I'm asking questions and that's the kind of patient I was too. Here's the cuckoo thing, corey. I will go to the doctors and they would just say this is what you need to do. Okay, go ahead, prescribe it to me, or okay, if you think this is what we should try. So there's no voice, no emotional connection to my physical body, because I'd never done that before. It's intense, right.

Speaker 2: 14:31

No, I hear you, and that's troubling because I'm sure there's a large amount of the world that's doing this. And so, just knowing that people are going okay, okay, okay, what kind of basket are you in if you just say, okay, your body is having a violent reaction to some medication, and you won't even call the doctor and say, hey, am I supposed to be breaking out in hives? And it's like that's what he gave it to me. He must have known what I was supposed to do.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Yeah, so if you're not used to advocating for yourself, asking the questions and just kind of being told, and so you do what they say, do which a lot of people wouldn't believe as me because they see my personality as something different but there's that whole other element to me, that's part of my makeup, that physically, I have totally sometimes abandoned me and that was really hard for me to come to grips with, right. So the reason why we're sharing this right is because I really believe that into the new year, we should be going deep with the things that we've kind of been dismissive about.

Speaker 2: 15:45

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:46

And I don't know about you all, but that's where I've been like the last three months is where are my needs not being met? What if I tolerated for the sake of toleration? You know, that's the whole boundaries thing too, and for me it's so simple, yet for everyone else it might be like what you're just now doing. This you don't like. This wasn't a part of who you are. But to say that I'm prioritizing me and I'm gonna ask everything I need to and I'm gonna get all the information I need to, for me is where I'm at. That's something new At 100%. Sometimes I'll do like half and half, or I'll do my own research or I'll ask friends, right, which is great, but yeah, and I'm excited about 2024. Corey, what about you? What do you wanna share as far as what you're leaving behind and taking with you?

Speaker 2: 16:52

Well, I've already started and I've talked about this on a few podcasts in the past that we've had, but just to reiterate it and bring it back a little bit, maybe some more come from it, just talking about it again, I'm broadening my circle. I'm making sure that I'm not the smartest person in the conversation. I'm very intentional about people that I meet. I'm purposefully trying to meet people that have done things that I've never done. That I find intriguing. I'm not talking about skydiving or wind surfing or anything like that. I'm talking about people that have met and conquered some of their greatest not even fears, just doing the things that they've been wanting to do or knew they could do all along. I'm just making sure that it's a point to do that being those live in those circles, not just being them. You can be in those circles all day and all night, but I wanna live in them because I wanna be comfortable with that.

Speaker 2: 17:57

And I've already started and I'm telling you it is amazing, it's no joke, when you walk into a room and conversations are being had and you don't know exactly what's going on for part of the conversation and then you have to ask so what are you guys talking about? What does this mean, what does that mean? And then they get to explain to you opposed to you always explaining to people what's happening, what's going on, and, yes, there are conversations that exist like that and you as an individual, should be a part of those conversations.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Absolutely, and I love what you shared with me as far as what you're learning about people Like people want to help. They do. People wanna give you information that you need.

Speaker 2: 18:40

They really do.

Speaker 1: 18:42

You just gotta ask.

Speaker 2: 18:43

They're just waiting for you to ask. There are no ones just gonna volunteer it to you because so many people's hands have been slapped away for volunteering information. I don't want that or I don't need that or I don't have time for that. But if you ask man, the floodgates just open up and you're like holy cow and ask the right question. Don't be the lazy person and just ask for the easy. Ask the right questions. Think about the way you want to be asked something you know. Nobody wants to just be asked can they borrow money? But if you asked a person how to make some money, yes, I guarantee you it will shock you. That's right, they'll tell you how to make that money. But you got to be willing to take those notes and go out and do what they told you to do.

Speaker 1: 19:33

That's right. What I am seeing in you, Corey, is that you are so clear on your values and your principles like your core principles is who you are that you have intentionally sought out people who have the qualities of the values that you may not necessarily have completely Right, and so I see you being very intentional about the time you're spending in the energy and just and it's not just you getting information from them Like you are so available to these people, and I've just seen amazing growth in you in this year, the last half of the year. Something has definitely shifted, yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:20

I like to say this that's the way the vessel is supposed to work. You're supposed to fill up and pour out, yeah, and after you pour out, then someone else fills you up. That's the way the vessel works, and I was talking to one of my mentors last week and he was saying the exact same thing, and we came to the conclusion that if it's not working that way, either you are a broken vessel so whoever's pouring into you is just falling onto the ground or you're not pouring out, so it's just overflowing. Either way, it's a dysfunctional vessel. I want to be a properly functioning vessel, to be able to operate at full capacity, being poured into and then pouring into someone else.

Speaker 1: 21:03

That analogy really speaks, because right now, I think we're all at different walks in our lives and there's no judgment here.

Speaker 1: 21:10

As you can see, I'm working on what some people might call some pretty basic stuff, and I've already worked on some major stuff in my life and I'm having to take some steps back because, oops, I forgot about that one or I didn't do that one. And then you see where Corey is at. I love your analogy of a vessel, corey, because some people are still being molded and created into a vessel, right, so they're feeling the pressure and the constant spinning of that pottery table, just like getting them to become a vessel where you can be used to pour into other people and other people get poured into you. So, no matter what stage of life you're in, just get in it like, recognize where you're at and then plan according to what you need. Get to know yourself in a deeper level. Don't ignore those things that you might be ashamed of or things that you've chosen to just ignore. Right, get the right people in your circle, get the support, dream about it, talk about it, journal about it, be about it, and these things will happen for you.

Speaker 2: 22:24

It will, it will, and I can't even explain how, when, why, which way it just does yeah when it's time, the doors will fling open, those doors that we've been beating on and pounding on for decades, some time, years, months, trying to figure out how to get into these situations. You won't even have to knock. You'll step up to the door and the door will just fly open and the hinges will fall off. Because you're supposed to be there, you're supposed to walk through those doors when you're there. It's amazing, it's frustrating when you're not there.

Speaker 2: 22:59

I get it, I know, trust me, I sat still not doing anything for a long period of time. Jen will be the first to tell you about that. But when it was time for me to go, when it was time for the doors to open and again, you know, I said this before a lot of people think that you're before your time or that everything right happens for you. When it's your time, it does. Everything is supposed to happen for you. Everything right is going to go your way because it's your time. That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1: 23:28

I remember before it was time and I talked about servant leadership and recognition and rewards and taking care of the person, your team members, holistically and that was like what Jen. People are supposed to come to work because they get paid. That's a whole lot of extra. Management's not supposed to do all that. I weigh ahead of my time. I got ridiculed for those conversations, almost burned at the stick, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:58

This girl is crazy.

Speaker 1: 23:59

But I did it with my team and you know, I just knew that this was the way we were supposed to go. It made sense. So I love your point, corey, like, even if you're ahead of your time, it'll catch up, right? And then there was something else I wanted to say to. This, too, is where you're going. Um, sometimes we hold ourselves back by thinking there's only one way to get somewhere, to do something, so we have all our eggs in that one basket and what happens is we don't have the visual of all the other ways that it could possibly be done. Don't get stuck on the method, and I have to say that, like, there are many ways to get there. Be clear on your principles and what you're aiming for, and I think for us, corey, nine times out of 10, it wasn't the way we exactly planned it.

Speaker 2: 25:02

No, and to even add more to that, and I'll make this as quick as possible, whoo, because it just hit me A lot of times we don't even know the destination.

Speaker 1: 25:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:16

We have no clue. We think the destination is something complete Like again. I bought the book. I know we're not supposed to be talking about it, but I thought I would literally be on street corners jumping up and down trying to sell my book.

Speaker 1: 25:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:31

Does that sound right? No, but that's what I was willing to do because I thought this is what I might have to do. How do I get in the stores? How do I get it on Amazon? I don't know. I'll figure that out once I get there. But just going through the motions and walking in the direction that I knew the destination was in opened up a lot of doors to where I'm not on anybody's street corner jumping up and down. That's right. As a matter of fact, there are people that would rather do that for me, and I'm not bragging. I'm so overjoyed that I'm there.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Yeah, so yeah, you're right, you may not know the destination, but the thing is is you're on the journey?

Speaker 2: 26:15

On the journey.

Speaker 1: 26:16

Enjoy that journey, trust that process, and I've never liked to say that phrase, because I heard it so many times about different things.

Speaker 1: 26:26

Yeah, it's like trust the process, like can you get me more than that? And you sound so cliche, so I'm just gonna I'm gonna find another way to say this Trust that you have what it takes to get to the destination, that you have the support there. You've just got to ask for it. You've got the ways to get to where you want to go, right, so that's enough. Like that is all we have to say today to you is that we are in that with you. We go through the same things that you go through, and we will continue to do this podcast to remind you that we're not alone in this.

Speaker 2: 27:07

You're not alone, and connection is key. Everything.

Speaker 1: 27:10

Yes, and we have so much to learn from you, which is why we're excited to talk later about 2024. One as far as take the elevator. One thing I do want to say is we do have a correction to make on Monday's episode. Corey is going to be at the CRC in San Bernardino this Saturday, the ninth.

Speaker 2: 27:30

Yes.

Speaker 1: 27:32

From 10 to 11.

Speaker 2: 27:33

From 10 to 11, AM.

Speaker 1: 27:35

Yeah, and then CRC, or Community Resource Center in Riverside, is the following Saturday.

Speaker 2: 27:41

Absolutely, and I will be posting on my social medias. If you don't know, my Instagram is ruffles underscore 290, I believe, and under ruffles Corey L Body on Facebook, and I will be posting that all this week.

Speaker 1: 28:05

You know what I'm going to do? Corey's those handles, because they think they might get confused on that one. I'll put it in the show notes. Oh beautiful.

Speaker 1: 28:13

Beautiful, you all can see the show notes on Apple and Spotify. It'll be there for you All. Right, everyone, have a good rest of your week. Thank you for listening. Catch up on those other episodes. Share us with people, please. We'd love to get new people involved and take the elevator and connect with them and we appreciate, as always, your support and love. You know as to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate Every day, elevate Every day elevate, every day elevate.