Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
313th Floor: Breaking the Mold and Thriving in Role Reversal - The Mr. Mom Experience
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This chat isn't just another tale from the trenches of family life; it's a raw look at the juggle and struggle of keeping a household afloat on a thin dime. We peel back the layers on the delicate dance of domestic roles, the societal scripts we're rewriting, and the humility it takes to accept work that keeps the lights on until that one life-changing job offer arrives.
Closing out this heart-to-heart, we swap stories about stepping into each other's shoes and the empathy that's blossomed from our role reversal at home. We send a heartfelt shout-out to the 'Mr Moms' and all who step outside the norm to craft the life that suits them best. Join us as we share our mantra of looking up and elevating—because no matter the ups and downs, we're all about embracing the progress and positivity unique to each of our paths.
https://www.fuzzyfurryforest.com
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and today we are on the elevator and, as promised from our last episode, we are going to give another level into our lives and talk about you, corey, as Mr Mom. Who me, yeah, you, okay, let's do it, it'll all cute, you. But before that, let's talk about Mr Mom. Today, there's some things that I definitely don't want to miss, and we just want to thank you all for giving us an opportunity to share some announcements that are coming up. Big stuff, man, huge stuff. Go ahead, mr Mom, talk about it.
Speaker 2Okay, so yes, the shameless band is going to be. We at the House of Blues again, and this time it's for NAMM week. If you don't know what NAMM is, it's the biggest music convention in the world, and so when I say that, that means that every vendor, from Yamaha to Roland to Boss to Fender, fender, dean, all these vendors and all these companies will be there, featuring their very own equipment, be it guitars, piano, drums, sequencers, keyboards, whatever it could be.
Speaker 1By the way, namm is spelled N-E-M-M, and it stands for National Association of Music Merchants.
Speaker 2Yes, and that's huge. So we will be there on this, I'm sorry. January 27th, house of Blues Foundation Room at 8 o'clock sharp. You can get tickets on Eventbrite. You can get them through our social media. We've been posting and we'll be posting for quite some time. From this day and moving forward, something else huge is happening. Oh wait, jen got something. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1I have to pump this up a little bit.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm okay.
Speaker 1So I love that.
Speaker 1yes, we recognize it's NAMM Thing is is the band was personally invited by management of the House of Blues and I have to tell you guys, this is huge, because part of the thing that happens at NAMM is it's a huge platform for networking, product launching, fostering collaboration within the music industry. So what could this mean? More doors opening for the band, and so it's so important that we just have our people there. It's not just going to be good music. I'm an exciting time because it's like an after party of the NAMM conference. We just don't know what's going to happen that night or as a result of that night.
Speaker 1And we would love to just share it with you real time.
Speaker 2Yeah, absolutely. And so, guys, you know, a lot of times you think, oh well, they're sharing their good news and their you know happy things that are happening in their lives. But don't look at it that way, look at it this way, that as we share your sharing and you're sharing with us the good thing, and so we've went through the children walking, the children graduating from one level of school to the next, and so we've shared that moment, but we haven't had an opportunity to share the empty nesting experience of joy and next level. So we're sharing together. It's not, it's not just, oh, all the good things that are happening to them, but nothing for us. No, we shared the same things you're going through as well. Yeah, our daughter got married, our children moved out of the house. It's a great thing to share and enjoy those things.
Speaker 1Yeah, and we've heard from people who listen to this podcast where one of our good friends just got his doctorate. Yeah Right, other people are joining boards of like these amazing not-for-profit organizations, like there's so much amazing growth all around us.
Speaker 2All around us.
Speaker 1And we're going to have them on here so they can share too.
Speaker 2Yeah, absolutely, but I just definitely want to tell you about something else huge happening. So and I can say this with confidence because these are people that I'm directly working with we're going to have the illustrator of my book on. Her name is Vanessa Montano. She's an incredible illustrator and such a light and bright spirit, and so I just really can't wait for that to happen. And then the creator of the ruffles mightSTEAD Highway how do I would I say that?
Speaker 1Well, I don't. They're not, they're gonna. They're not stuffed animals, right? So we have plushies, there's crocheted animals, so this is that person who's bringing them to life in the form of that.
Speaker 2And we're gonna have her on, and so that's something big. But in that transition and this is part of my final announcement and I need a drum roll please Jen and I are going to collaborate on writing a book together in these series, cause Ruffles, which is a part of the Fuzzy Furry Forest series, is gonna have nine books, and so Jen has not only agreed, but she's excited and I can't wait to interview her about this, but she's excited about joining me in the collaboration of this book.
Speaker 1And it just kind of makes its way for it, right? You and I collaborate on everything, yep, and so I'm excited, I'm excited. Yeah, me too Cause we've already started talking about it.
Speaker 2Yeah, we've actually started writing. So I mean, it's not one of those things where it's like so you're talking about it or you're writing, no, it's being written as we speak.
Speaker 1It's so fun. It's so fun.
Speaker 2Absolutely so fun. And let me tell you what's so fun about it, cause a lot of times people are like okay, so how does this work and how do you figure that part out? The ideas are endless with Jen and I and we can talk, for if you think we talk a lot on the podcast, you have no idea. And when I say no, none, zero, I'm a million miles a minute, she's a million miles a minute, and sometimes we can't keep up with each other. I hear it said all the time Jen must do this and Jen must do that.
Speaker 1Or how do you keep up with Jen?
Speaker 2How do you keep up with Jen? And that just must be so hard for you. And I'm like man. You have no clue. I am.
Speaker 1Yeah, for the record, I get rung through the ringer too, oh yeah.
Speaker 2Okay, I have ideas that just I mean. You gotta think. You know, I'm thinking about the podcast, I'm thinking about the book, I'm thinking about music, I'm thinking about our lives, I'm thinking about our children, and so I'm in no way shape form short for words. When it comes to these things, I'm very opinionated. I have thoughts and ideas and things that I just want to see done, and I'm a doer, I can't just talk about it and I have timelines that I have to exist on.
Speaker 2So for those of you that thought, oh, jen must be just running him ragged or wearing the pants, or and I heard that one too oh, she wears the pants, I'm like, hmm, I don't think so, and it's not a thing that I want to control or I want to be in control. It's just that when we came into this relationship, we knew how we wanted the dynamic to work, and so it's working the way we want it to work. It's not gonna work for our relationship the way someone else wants it to work or the way society tells us that it should work, and it works.
Speaker 1It does and I think part of the reason why some people think that I may wear the pants. There are a lot of other reasons, but it points back to Mr Mom, right? So people who go way back with us. And for those who don't know that term, it's really just referring to a man who takes on the role of the primary caregiver. So it's the husband, the father, who's taking care of the children, managing household responsibilities while I worked outside the home. Yeah, and that's at least. Back then it wasn't very common. I'm not really sure how that works now. I'm sure it's more acceptable or more common, but then not.
Speaker 1And especially in my culture, not.
Speaker 2Right, right, no, totally, because that's another part of it.
Speaker 1So, cory, tell us the story about you being Mr Mom, how you felt that that was your role in title.
Speaker 2Well, let's get into the layers of it. So there's the beginning part, how it was even introduced and brought up. And that was simply because we were working for aerospace. And that was 2008 and it hit hard. We had just gotten married in 2006. And being in aerospace and watching the economy just dip that quick and that hard, it was heartbreaking. I mean, we lost a home. We ended up moving into an area that we were not comfortable with at the time. Not that we would be comfortable with it now, but it just was a very uncomfortable situation with some Not so cool things happening around us.
Speaker 2And so when you're tightening your belt and you realize that the finances are not gonna be there the way you had hoped, you just gotta figure out how to make it work. And how it was gonna work at that moment was one of us had to commit to school, one of us had to commit to work and one of us had to commit to home. And we had three little ones at the time that needed to be tended to, needed to be taken care of as far as being taken to school, picked up, fed every day. House needed to be tended to, and the opportunity presented itself, bigger for you than it did for me. I remember the day that you brought up nursing and knowing your history, not wanting to be a nurse. It was so funny because that was a running joke. Jen was like I'll never be a nurse. There's no way.
Speaker 1I Because it's the expectation, right, it's the expectation Every Filipino is a nurse.
Speaker 2And everybody in my family has been into nursing at some point in time and I was like, okay, but then that presented itself and it was presented a little bit different. You wanna share that a?
Speaker 1little bit, jen, yeah, and I think this is another episode worthy story, absolutely as we think about how things happen in life and transpire, and again, things happen without you realizing. It's the plan. And so, again, like to your point, corey, adam, and about not doing nursing we found ourselves on I was on unemployment and we knew that that was for a certain amount of time and based on the ability to extension what it could possibly lead to, right? So my cousin, who's no longer with us and who I say was more of a really close friend, best friend, yeah, a lot of the times, she wanted to go back to nursing school and she needed a social buddy, a friend, a study buddy, and I've always been that throughout my whole life. Like I love studying, I love encouraging people to learn. So she just asked me hey, now that this is happening in your life, what do you think?
Speaker 1And I've had my aunt, who is in the industry of case management, very successful, who had made a promise to me that if I did pursue nursing, that there was opportunity for something else. So ultimately I said, yeah, I'd go to nursing school to go with Grace and man Corey. When nursing school was about to begin, grace had passed away and so there I was, like I was going to nursing school for Grace and she's not here, but because my word was to her, I stuck with my word and went to school and I've shared this one time on another episode, long, long time ago one of the best decisions I've ever made, and so I am a believer that there is power. When you make decisions because it is gonna benefit someone else, those things come back to you in the most amazing ways.
Speaker 2Yeah, so Jen embarked on her pathway to going to school, and it wasn't even a question because again, that opportunity had presented itself. And when she said she was very modest about how she presented her aunt in case management. This woman pioneered case management.
Speaker 1In LA County yeah.
Speaker 2In a real way where she understood it beyond belief, and so any education she was gonna receive from her aunt that's, jen it was going to be able to propel her to levels that you could never imagine. There's no way you could go into case management with that level of preparedness and not excel. So I knew this was a grand opportunity for her, but in order for her to do this successfully, I needed to hold down the fort, and I couldn't just half do it, because I couldn't have her coming home saying, oh I gotta wash clothes, oh I gotta wash dishes, oh I gotta make dinner, oh I gotta make sure that the kids close already or that they have clothes. Because we're talking about two years, a two year process of her going to school, doing her clinicals, doing homework, training in LA and we lived in Fontana Right training in LA and figuring out how to literally run her life without having a lot to do with the household.
Speaker 1And baby. Those were some times, weren't they? Because we were on a fixed income and I have so much love and empathy to people on a fixed income because and it's already tight and anything in life can throw that off Car problems your kids need new shoes. I remember we were monitoring shoes just to see how much longer are they gonna be in that. We got two more weeks in these pairs of shoes and we gotta get some more. That was our lives.
Speaker 2And I'm glad that, as I said, we were laid off from the aerospace industry, but I didn't go on an unemployment ride away as Jen did, so that allowed her to be able to get in school when her unemployment kicked in. I was able to get unemployment a little bit after that, so that helped balance life out a little bit better as well.
Speaker 2So back to the daily duties of planning the week, planning the month and understanding like. I can't wash every day, so I have to have a wash day. I can't cook all day long, so I got a meal prep for the kids. They gotta go to school, they gotta have lunch or lunch money, which we didn't have, lunch money. So we were preparing lunches for the kids. And when I say we, that was me and Kayla, kayla.
Speaker 2No, Kayla would help me from time to time and even sometimes in cooking, but I wouldn't put too much on her because she was a little girl.
Speaker 2When this was going on, I think Kayla was like 12, 13 years old and, yeah, she could do some things, but I didn't wanna make her feel like she had to be a parent when I was there, incapable, I refused to be the parent sitting on the couch saying hand me the remote or turn on the air conditioner, go get me this or go get me that.
Speaker 2I didn't want to be that kind of a parent for anybody, much less my own kids. So I just plotted out, wrote it out, I planned the bills, I planned the card treatment where there would be oil changes or tune-ups. It was just an everyday thing to know that I'm running the household when she's at work or at school and then that slowly transitioned into her work and I'm gonna let her share about how that started out and the first time she was offered a job. That wasn't an insult, I'll put it that way, because there was a job that was very trying and very troubling that I knew my wife was gonna have to take and do and make literally pennies on the dollar for knowing what she knew, and then also saying I'm just gonna keep holding the house down for these pennies and I can't go to work, I can't do what I need to do because the kids still needed to be taken care of.
Speaker 1Yeah, pennies, he used that word. And when I tell you we were rolling pennies, we were rolling pennies and I remember we went to the store querying that.
Speaker 1Clark said we can't take this form of payment and I said pennies aren't a legal form of tender and she just looked at me like what do you mean? You know, it just brings me back. But yeah, so, and we were doing youth stuff then, right? So that just gives the whole dynamics of that. You're, mr Mom. People in my life are like what's happening here? You're doing everything. He's not. Because, again, societal norm is man's supposed to go make the money, do the things you bring home, the bacon, and she'll cook it up.
Speaker 1That's right, that's right.
Speaker 1So we had that going on. We were trying to figure out how to get to church sometimes so we could work with the youth. You know, I mean, you're talking about looking at your meter Is this going to be enough gas, like that's how intense life was then. And yeah, I remember the job and we sucked it up, and that wasn't a matter of being enslaved. That's different. That's a matter of knowing that you need this to get to the next space, and you knew that this was temporary and that you were going to build resilience on this, that this was going to be the thing right. So you're always holding on to that. And so when I got my first real offer as a matter of fact, great, I got a call. And the call kept coming and it was during Nathan's football practice. Remember that.
Speaker 2Absolutely.
Speaker 1So we were at Nathan's high school and we're in the bleachers and I'm getting these calls and we're like negotiating. And you got to understand, my self esteem was a bit down because of the lack of money I was making and I just didn't know how to ask for more. But I thought he's asking, so I'm just going to throw a number out there, Cause you know. Then I was like, oh, maybe not quite that much.
Speaker 1It was scary, right? No, no, no, he's going to retract the offer cause it's going to be too much. Well, long story short, threw out the number and he said, sure, let's do it. When can you start? And I was like what? So I just appreciate those moments in life where there's the okay, we're about to elevate.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I just got to explain that because you know the struggle was insane at that moment.
Speaker 2So, everything was teetering on these next few decisions and they were coming up, and so you can imagine we're there watching Nate practice football and we literally had to leave the bleachers so we could have this private conversation while Jen is on the phone negotiating her pay. And when she threw that number out, that I was terrified, Like in my mind, that's just too much. We weren't planning on being here. We were okay with being here, but not quite that high. And when he said, sure, when can you start?
Speaker 2We're dancing, we're jumping up and down and screaming Like, oh my God you know, Cause this was breakthrough moment Like never had happened before this way, and so at that moment I knew things are gonna change drastically. Things are not gonna be as strained as tight. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul literally every month. I'm not paying the water bill, I'm gonna pay the electric bill. Okay, I paid the electric bill last month, I gotta pay this bill. I didn't have a cell phone at the time and cell phones were a thing then, and so I knew I can't afford a cell phone. I'm at home all day. We'll have a land mine, and we were one of the last to have a land mine and people were like you don't have a cell phone.
Speaker 1How are you living? What's happening in the body?
Speaker 2abode Well you take $30 from the budget and put it into a cell phone, it just doesn't add up. And I figured if I'm driving somewhere and get stranded I can walk or call AAA, because we were able to piggyback off of one of our moms to get AAA through them. So I mean it was bad. It was bad, and I'm not saying bad in a way that it was unsurvivable. It was just we didn't realize what those beautiful aerospace jobs were doing for us at the time. And then being let go.
Speaker 2I had no desire to go back to that line of working, especially because there were conditions, major conditions, to go back and I think there was even huge exceptions for gender return as well. There were what would they call, where you can only come in a certain amount of days and you had to. I don't even know. I didn't entertain it Right, it wasn't interchangeable, because it just made us, it was gonna make us have to work even harder to maintain any kind of lifestyle. But yeah, so I remember once that job started.
Speaker 2Chen has always been the worker beat. She is going to put a hundred and twenty thousand percent into her job and into her career. And I knew this doesn't mean that I don't. I don't have to be Mr Mom anymore. This means I have to buckle down and really focus on getting these kids through school and being able to take care of themselves. So I ramped up as well and I knew this was going to be a part of their lives, that they're going to look back and they're going to remember, and I want them to remember how good it was, how wonderful and awesome it was, because the kids didn't know that we were struggling in some situations. Of course you know when you're in food banks and you're doing certain things and that's the older kid, which was Mikaela but I just didn't want them to have bad feelings about Corey being home, dad being home, but mom not being there.
Speaker 1Oh, they had a great time at being Corey and I love that. The mess from other people didn't get to them, or at least I don't think. No, they did. We had happy moments at home. I felt so good knowing the kids were with you and you know and that's another thing like Corey is your new husband and you're just going to trust him with your children, why would I trust him with my life and marry him if I can't trust him with my children? Like, does that make any sense? So there was a lot of doubt, fears that we were dealing with, you know, with my family, and things like that, and rightfully so. They're my family. Yeah, they're going to want to make sure you know everything's OK, and I get that.
Speaker 2And let's be really honest about it, we're not going to hold any punches. You know all of our decisions as younger people weren't the best decision.
Speaker 1So you know they had a very salty, tainted spot Past yeah.
Speaker 2Well. So that's coming together and having that heart to heart saying, hey, we made some bad decisions, let's make some good ones, let's turn this thing around a little bit, was a good thing. But yeah, I remember the kids expressing to me how happy that they were and how they felt like life could not be any better and I said, oh boy, you just wait and see, Wait, wait till mom really settles into this job.
Speaker 1Well, there's. There's the part of the answer to when people ask how Did your kids end up that way, corey? I mean, you're a huge, huge part of that, like I mean now that I'm Doing laundry and cleaning house, because you don't understand when, corey, you mentioned that. So, like there was a hustle, we started a business on case management. I was part of a launched project at LA care with LVNs and became one of the first LVNs hired onto LA care because they only do face management, and so these were all things that were happening.
Speaker 1And, corey, you played admin to me as we were building contracts and doing research and setting up the classes and things like that, like, and yeah, and now you know. That's why I think, another reason we get so hyped over the things that are happening for you because it's like man, for however many years I don't even know, was it a decade, I'm not even sure where you held down house and home so we could pursue through me and I had every chance to build. I am where I am today because of you and you know that's why we get so crazy over the shameless ban and ruffles and all these things because it's happening as it should like it's your time yeah.
Overcoming Challenges and Finding Happiness
Speaker 2And I appreciate that, those compliments, and they definitely make me feel good to hear that. But I'm more proud of that than people can ever imagine that I have the opportunity to raise our children when you were holding us down financially and I knew I had to. And if I didn't, then I'm not only letting them down, I'm not letting myself down, but I'm letting my wife down, and I didn't want to let you down. I didn't want you to feel like I trusted you to do this and you're letting me down. The kids don't have clean clothes. They said. They went to bed without dinner. It was. It was important to me to make sure these things were done and that when you walked in, your dinner was ready Right when you walked in, your clothes were washed and Maybe not folded. Yeah, that's such a favorite thing.
Speaker 1No, that's not my favorite thing, but they were put away yeah.
Speaker 2And they were like oh, I'm going to be like, and you were able to have clean clothes to go to while you were in school, to go to your clinicals and to school because you had to be in your uniform and then, once you transition into the workforce, you had clean clothes and ready to go to work. And that made me proud to know that. You know, I was able to do that and make sure that you were happy and Jen was truly happy. She didn't have to worry about much of anything. No, for quite some time and I say that proudly because that's what I wanted to do I wanted to see that smile on your face.
Speaker 2I wanted to make sure that you, if you said you know what, corey, I really don't want to eat, you know, no disrespect to your cooking, but I really would like to just buy the house. At the time it would be pizza, because that's what the kids really want, or some restaurant that they've really wanted to go to for a while. I really want to buy that. I was like I get a night off and you're telling me man, let's go. You know, let's get this food I'm good.
Speaker 1So that brings up some really good memories too, and I hope y'all who are listening have these as well. We drove a two door Honda Accord and this is one of the things. Mr Mom Corey made sure we had water in that car because it overheated all the time. And it was just our life, you know, and we found happiness in those moments. That was a crazy thing, because you're like, okay, our life right now is this car overheats. We have a plan A, we're just going to fill up with water and sit here, you know, and wait.
Speaker 2Yeah. And then for those of you listening and saying well, why didn't you just fix it? Well, we couldn't afford a hose at that moment.
Speaker 1So there are the three kids who, mind you, are getting into high school age, so two boys and one girl, and you can imagine what that backseat looked like.
Speaker 2Legs all over the place.
Speaker 1Yes, and we would just play music. We'd have the most amazing conversations. Laugh. We, the kids which just warms my heart never pulled the oh, this is embarrassing. They just like this is our life. And so when we got an SUV, a family sized SUV I'll never forget when we drove that car up the driveway and um, it was like Disney.
Speaker 2Yeah, our son.
Speaker 1Nathan wanted to sleep in there. They were just sitting in there and those are such good moments, right Like that elevation, the shifting and being able to recall what life was like. And that's why we always say, like right now, if you and I, corey, are going through something we've just gone through too much Like. This is a piece of cake, slice of pie.
Speaker 2We're going to figure this out, yeah, yeah. And we apply those same tactics from the troubled days, the dark days and the hard days, as we do now, because if it's doable at those moments is definitely doable now. And I don't plan on and I know you don't either um becoming a trader, becoming, you know, that person that doesn't want you anymore, because now I'm elevated, I've, I've.
Speaker 1I'm an author now. I'm an author now. I have arrived. No way.
Speaker 2It's too too much fight together to do that, so I'm like no man, let's, let's keep this thing rolling.
Speaker 1One of the things I just wanted to touch on real quick is how that felt to being that role reversal. Um, I'm, I will say, outcomes right because of time. I think what I've experienced is a level of confidence that you have as head of our household, oh yeah, and I love the empathy that now you can give to other people who are in that role as well, and what it's done for me is it's helped me not listen to the voices of how it's supposed to be, and that has helped my life.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Like, because this is how our life has been designed. We don't fit the norm, and I can't begin to tell you how happy we are about that, because we and we say this all the time there's more than one way to elevate. There's more than one way to do something and make it work.
Speaker 1And you know. So overall we just, you know, are so thankful for people that have supported us. There were people who dropped off groceries Don't want to discount that People who've asked you know, do you need help with anything? Who've offered to help take care of the kids, just to give some relief and respite, right. So it's truly been a village that's had it come together at times to raise this family.
Speaker 2Yeah, and I'd be really out of my mind not to mention Marie, michelle, jane mom, both moms, yeah, auntie Amy, uncle Roger.
Speaker 1Auntie Helen, auntie Helen, auntie Lill, who's no longer with us, grace, who's no longer with us. You know, leo, who's no longer with us.
Speaker 2But all these people played such a huge part in our lives in helping us transition from one stage to the next, to the next.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, and so we love you all for it. We love you all for it.
Speaker 2Here's to the Mr Moms out there.
Speaker 1Mr Moms making it happen.
Speaker 2There you go.
Speaker 1Yeah, and forget about the societal norms. Do what you all need to do to make it work. Well, you know as to take the elevator. We say look up, and let's elevate. Every day, elevate, every day, elevate, every day, elevate, elevate, elevate, elevate.
